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Flover - "Love's Poetry & Dead Melodies"

13/3/2023

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2023, officially started, with ALL of the bang, and a welcome lack of whimper. (“The exact, polar opposite to the night I lost my virginity to be fair!”, he laughs, as a single tear rolls down his cheek). I digress; we are in-fact talking about everyone’s favourite darkly romantic, albeit positively bleak, modern-day Goth daddy VILLE VALO. The former HIM front man got Heartagram’s breaking on the bands 2017 farewell tour, but, in the years since, through a rollercoaster of feelings and emotions, ranging all the way from equanimity to intrigue and anxiousness, he got them racing once more this January, when he released the sonic defibrillator that is “Neon Noir”.  

Now, the admittedly stunning solo record, was covered quite extensively within the alternative music press as it is, as it charted well around Europe (Including a UK Top 30 slot in the vinyl charts), and with his European tour currently in full swing, we must satiate our rejuvenated musical lusting's, with all things love-metal inspired, and get right back into the thick of it, which brings us to today's band; FLOVER.  

You may remember Flover from my 2020 review of “Songs Of Our Broken Hearts”, from which we played a tongue-in-cheek game of HIM Bingo, as the sweet rockers had zero shame in wearing their Heartagram’s on their sleeves, being influenced by Finland’s finest. 2023 finds the fan boys on fine form, as they release their latest album “Love’s Poetry & Dead Melodies”. Eyes down folks, it’s time for another round, but, in this year of thee and me, are we talking two little ducks, or giving too little fucks? Let’s find out... 

Now before we proceed, the whole HIM-Bingo game itself is FAIRLY loose in terms of rules and such; we’re essentially just looking for similarities and parodies, cheeky nods to other songs if you will. Imitation IS the sincerest form of flattery after all. So, with that in mind, we open up with (According to their Bandcamp at least) “Requiem Of Love”, which is an immediate Bingo-card crossed off, as it references “Love Metal” and the bonus track “Love’s Requiem”. The track starts with some incredibly gentle synths, and houses all of the typically slow-chugging riffs you’d expect from a HIM track. Vocally too it’s an ode to Ville, with the similarities in baritone drawl, soaring moments and hushed subtlety. It’s absolutely fine as a track, and could easily pass as a HIM demo, without implying any negativity. 

Next up we have “Suffering” and this one initially has a brief whiff of “Dark Light” regarding the synth delivery and tone here. Again, it’s only subtle, but HIM fans will easily pick up and appreciate the recognition. It’s got ample chorus melody and transitions, and they even deep dive into Ville’s own tastes as there’s a cheeky nod to “Crazy Train” by OZZY OSBOURNE thrown into the mix occasionally on guitar. “Just Our Autumn” has “Razorblade Romance” levels of production all over it, and it reeks of “Join Me (In Death)” but, let’s be honest, that’s never a bad thing. The throwback nostalgia this induces is sweeter than any number of sixes. 

The fun doesn’t stop there either, folks, as “Wonderland”, or it’s chorus structure at the very least is very unashamedly “Salt In Our Wounds” from “Deep Shadows & Brilliant Highlights”. It’s uncanny by this point, that you could quite easily state that Flover were HIM from an alternate dimension and do you know what? I don’t think anyone would call you a liar. “Dance With Me” then steps it up a gear in terms of grit and attitude, with the guitars oozing hard rock swagger, but, what’s this? This too is familiar? Of course, it is, there are more than enough nods to “Soul On Fire” here in the instrumentation, it’s just not AS aggressive, fast-paced or intense.  

“Agony In Your Eyes” then, tonally finds itself somewhere between “And Love Said No” and the gloomier aspects of 2007’s “Venus Doom”, before we eventually get the abbreviated “L.Y.L.I.C.”, which couldn’t possibly be in reference to “Tears On Tape” and “W.L.S.T.D.” could it? Surely not? An abbreviation of “Love You Like I Can”, it actually serves as a 2-in-1, as we could argue it also references “Love You Like I Do”, especially as it’s a deep rock ballad with a slow tempo and impassioned vocals.  

All in all, if you are reading this, you could easily think, Gav, why are you picking so many holes here? Can’t they just enjoy what they create in honour of something they care so very much about? Well, they absolutely can, and on this, their 3rd full-length album, they haven’t disappointed. Sure, it looks like I’m calling them rip-off merchants with a near copy-and-paste formula that’s bordering on identity theft, but that’s admittedly part of the appeal. As a HIM fan, while it is genuinely appreciated that a band has taken it upon themselves to continue HIM’s niche style and sound, you can’t help but have a chuckle and a bit of banter when some of these things are so blatantly obvious.  

Be it a riff, a lyrical likeness, a melody, a vocal delivery; some of these similarities we’ll say, are plain to see, and with Flover, that’s a key contributing factor of what makes them such an enjoyable listen. I respect what they are, and legitimately recommend checking them out. Not a fan of HIM but just generally enjoy Gothic-tinged melodic rock? Here’s a new band for you to check out. You ARE a HIM fan and still miss HIM, even though VV is currently active? Maybe you couldn’t get tickets for VV’s European tour and need cheering up? Get your fix here, without taking life too seriously. It’s a win/win really. [7]  
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/FLOVERSWEETROCK
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Spice Girls - "Spice World: 25th Anniversary"

21/12/2022

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Nostalgia, as it has been said, is nothing but a seductive liar, but is that statement true? No, we’re not going into a tirade on how Turkey Twizzlers were ruined by dietarily dicty health-conscious folk (I’m looking at you Jamie Oliver), allowing us to only be able to reminisce of those gloriously greasy school dinners, gagging for that dirty meat...*cough*...we are in fact, going to revisit the SPICE GIRLS.
 
Last year saw the 25th anniversary of “Spice”, the debut album from the English five-piece, (Check out that review here) and we not only applauded their immediate impact on both the music industry AND pop culture, but we legitimately lauded them for the phenomenon they became. Yes, they were manufactured, for a purpose, but manufactured none the less, but nobody could truly have ever predicted how gargantuan “Girl Power” would become. That debut album saw them release five hit singles, and they genuinely did have the music industry, no, the entertainment industry, eating out of the palms of their hands.  

The trouble with this, however, is any level of success to that extent, means all that money and marketing will eventually lead to greed and exploitation. Within the space of twelve months, Baby, Scary, Sporty, Posh and the soulless one (Sorry, Ginger) were already promoting their second album; “Spice World”, as well as full motion picture. Could the girls keep up with the demand? Was there enough gas in the tank to keep this machine running? Well, we’re about to find out...  

Opening track and lead single “Spice Up Your Life” starts things off promisingly to be fair. It carried on from their first album in terms of vibrancy and energy, with a very late nineties sense of futurism. The almost neo-utopian aesthetics of the video, with it’s very monotone, darkly depicted feeling of a coerced cityscape uniformity, is jarring in comparison to the message of the song itself. Over a backdrop of samba-esque rhythmic beats, the girls sing of the joys of variety in every aspect of life from colour, gender and culture, and one can only appreciate how together they are given their gimmicked diversity. It’s their mission statement if you will, and they absolutely deliver. 

Given the impact of their debut, we must expect another fine collection of additional singles too, and the album does have its memorable moments. “Too Much” saw them garner their second consecutive Christmas number one, with the doo-wop inspired slow jam, and its string-led brass rich instrumentation. It was a very sultry piece of pop musically, but lyrically, while on face value it speaks of mixed emotions regarding relations, it almost subliminally refers to their own career. Their direction and relationship with label management, and the juxtaposition of them being everywhere, and yet with that fear of fading too quickly in the public’s eyes and hearts. Wanting a man, not a boy who thinks he can, can easily mean stability in more ways than originally thought, and this is fascinating. 

This itself is a theme carried throughout as tracks like “Stop”, which with its Motown inspired delivery channels both an innocence and passive aggressiveness within its message. Yes, on face value we can look at it as the rushing of a serious relationship; wanting to steady your own ship and enjoy your youthful years, but this can also be a subtle dig at their label, management and the industry as a whole. Talking of their own longevity, or its potential at the very least, acknowledging the very craze they are at the heart of. They sound like they want to slow it down, or even call it a day already. 

No strangers to bangers in the form of ballads however, they dropped “Viva Forever” amidst a shit show of controversy, as the track title had a sense of cruel irony in Ginger’s departure from the group. She was still featured in the song, naturally, and in the admittedly surreal stop-motion animated video for the single, but despite topping the charts once more, with their softly sung harmonies over Spanish guitar, providing a truly emotional piece of pop music, the writing was on the wall. Forever in their legacy maybe, and their place on the record books, but, not as a group. Forget “2 Become 1” ...five very quickly became four... 

There was no immediate worry for the girls themselves commercially, the previous albums singles were still heavily circulated and these new tracks, as well as the aforementioned movie, ensured that their place in pop history was nothing short of cemented. Geri leaving grabbed headlines of course, but this wasn’t the end of the Spice Girls, not at all, and even though other album tracks like “Denying” and “Move Over” were underwhelming, highlighting the apparent burn out felt by the girls, what they left behind was a truly breath-taking legacy.  

For a purposely manufactured, hand-picked, hand-crafted pop group, designed solely to go against the grain, and that grain being a male dominated pop group scene, they overachieved by the bucketload. For those couple of years, the Spice Girls ruled the world, and “Girl Power” inspired and influenced not only people in music like CHARLI XCX and BEYONCE, but generations of girls around the globe to be their true selves. You can’t not respect these ladies, and they belong in the same conversation as ABBA in terms of importance in pop music. Their career as a five piece may have been a flash in the pan, but their name and brand will live on forever.  

Some people will look back and cringe, some with rose tinted glasses, some forget outright, but, we have to admire and acknowledge that, Scary, Baby, Ginger, Posh and yes, Sporty, were your lot...they were the Spice Girls, ready to go, ladies and gents, can we drop the pretence and, admit that we enjoyed their show? [6] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/SPICEGIRLS
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Lordi - "Lordiversity" Box-Set

8/10/2022

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It’s weird, right? We’re at the arse end of 2022, and Covid still crops up in the conversation regarding bands plans and ideas. Typically, you’d find that bands were a bit lost, because tours were cancelled, so they’d push some extra exclusive merch to compensate, or …they’d work on a cheeky EP to tide fans over, or even just jump straight into writing their next album. But oh no, not LORDI...

The Finnish Eurovision favourites decided fuck it; following 2020’s “Killection”, they weren’t going to get to work on the next album, or even a double-album, no, that’s too uninspired; unoriginal and quite frankly boring. The band decided to work on a concept BOX-SET, of SEVEN consecutive new and original albums,  between 2021-2022 under the banner of “Lordiversity”.  

A modern, retroactive time-capsule, it spans multiple genres, eras and sounds, spanning decades, covering the growth and evolution in fashionable rock ’n’ roll, but with that beastly, Lordi twist. The question is; can a bunch of pantomime shock rockers pull off such a feat? Let’s find out, as we plough through these 78 tracks, wishing they could have settled for an EP... 

The series starts off with “Skelectric Dinosaur” and we find ourselves back in the late 1970’s, where rock music was at that initial turning point. That transition between the more innocent, formative rock ‘n’ roll, swing and more blues influenced styles, to what we now refer to separately as classic rock.  It opens up with “SCG Minus 7: The Arrival” and with its church organs, haunting wails and children's giggles, telling you that “Monsters are coming” …it’s quite the creepy introduction. This however leads us into disappointment, as we’re greeted with first track proper; “Day Off Of The Devil”.  

Musically absolutely fine for the style they are going for, imagine, KANSAS, or, ALICE COOPER or even BLUE OYSTER CULT, they’ve nailed that classic guitar tone and recording quality, credit to them, and it’s a decent, chilled out rock track, however the intro promised something a lot more sinister. The question is, how DOES the devil spend his days off? Is he there with a bowl of Coco Pops, sat on the couch in his pyjamas watching Disney+ on a Saturday morning? Who knows.... who cares...not me.  

“Starsign Spitfire” has a very slow, plodding pace to it, while it does have some decent backing vocal harmonies elevating the chorus. “The Tragedy Of Annie Mae” has a very DEEP PURPLE-esque bass-line fuelling the track and it rumbles along nicely. We do eventually finish album one off with “...And Beyond The Isle Was Mary”, and we get a quaint, piano-filled piece with rainy sound effects, resulting in a gentle closing number.  They nailed the sound of the era and have delivered well here overall; it’s not a bad start. 

Next up we have the album “Superflytrap” and we transition rather quickly from the origins of rock and early metal, into the bright lights of the discotheque. The intro piece, “SCG Minus 6: Delightful Pop-Ins" is totes cringe babes, with the porn parody content. Some bimbo taking in the pizza guy, and the pool guy, like some seedy classic blue-movie plot-segue, until the monster breaks in and there’s screaming and terror, and it’s all a bit shit. I pray Asylum don’t read this; their movies are bad enough as it is... 

The actual opening tracks “Macho Freak” and “Believe Me” are a bit better. It’s not always easy to recreate that nostalgic disco/club vibe musically with it coming out authentic, but credit to a band like Lordi, they’ve managed it. The funk-fuelled synths, alongside the twangy guitars, in this day and age remind me of DEREK BISHOP if you’re interested in modern disco, and to be fair, the band, despite their appearance, don’t sound cheesy doing this. “Bella From Hell” capitalises on some genuinely soulful backing vocals, while “Cast Out From Heaven” tries to be a genuine ballad, and, let's be honest, the vocals do NOT suit this approach. This is too jarring.  

Where do we go from here?  Album number three; “The Masterbeast From The Moon”, and we enter prog-rock territory. Inspired by the likes of PINK FLOYD etc, it’s a more ambitious piece but do a band like Lordi have the ability to pull this off? Let’s get one thing straight here, no... the answer is no. “Moonbeast” utilises an almost GHOST-like character instrumentally but that’s genuinely as good as it gets. The praise ends here. “Hurricane Of The Slain” highlights this point as, the piano rich, orchestrally led strings of the track are gorgeous, but the clash with the gruff vocals absolutely ruins things. It’s all well and good trying new things musically, but when the vocals are so often stagnant, it has a detrimental effect on the entire project. “Church Of The Succubus” at over 11 minutes fits better in the whole prog-rock aesthetic, but even that can’t save this record.  

What do we have next? “Abusement Park”, and I can’t lie to you, I do love a play on words; this title tickles me. It reminds me of JOHNNY KNOXVILLE in the film “Action Point”, but I digress. The title track absolutely reeks of classic heavy metal with the pacing, the key transitions, the style of percussion, it’s got a semi-MOTORHEAD vibe to it as well as the likes of W.A.S.P., almost power-metal in places, and it’s very up-tempo and energetic. It can be a bit cheesy with some incredibly cliched names like “Ghost Train” and “Rollercoaster”, but it’s to be expected. “Carousel” has some wonderfully emotive, smooth, sensual guitar playing that reek of the 80’s, while “Pinball Machine” harbours this strong AC/DC, or, JUDAS PRIEST level of vocal screeching.  

“Nasty, Wild & Naughty” harbours all of that overdone rock ’n’ roll sleaze lyrically, despite being a catchy piece of rock with all of the cowbell, before “Merry Blah Blah Blah” comes out of the blue as a Christmas single. The bells and choirs are there, the Santa references are there... but do you know what is also there? Me, making Ebeneezer Scrooge feel uncomfortable with my lack of festive spirit. Pull a cracker, the joke will be this song, I promise. I mean, WHY?! 

Next up we have “Humanimals” and we’ve reached our more, BON JOVI and AOR inspired tracks, and it shows. Opening track proper “Borderline” has a real, I guess, bon-jovial vibe to it (I’m sorry) with its light, up-beat synths and almost hushed percussion. The chorus houses some smoother gang vocals and its honestly quite the pleasant little track instrumentally. “Victims Of The Romance” utilises a more guitar driven approach in comparison but it reeks of that, all-too parodied hair-metal era. If you choose to picture Lordi with mullets in spandex, well, that challenging wank is on YOU my friend. “The Bullet Bites Back” stands out with its genuinely sleek guitar tones, and especially it’s solo, before we revisit “Like A Bee To The Honey”. A decent piece (Written by KISS) but, two years old, and practically becoming filler at this point.  

Our penultimate album, “Abracadaver” leans further into the emergence of what we now fondly refer to as modern metal, with that transitional period, from the mid to late 1980’s into the 1990’s. Ignoring the now tedious intro bit, we dive into “Devilium”, and we’re met with a bombardment of riffs, old-school thrash metal aesthetics and vocals that could make onions cry. The title-track isn’t much better truth be told. You CAN hear “Big-4” elements but the track does eventually descend into utter fret-wankery. “Beast Of Both Worlds” is arguably as good as it gets on this one, with it’s very SLAYER-esque chugging riff-work and rhythmic snarls. Done well enough but, beyond dated. 

Finally, then, and oh how glad I am knowing this (Excited for this one? Hell no, I’m just glad this is over with), we round things up with “Spooky Sextravaganza Spectacular” and that name alone reeks of ROB ZOMBIE. “Demon Supreme” utilises darker synths and a semi-industrial aesthetic to give the ol' Dragula a right good rear ending. It’s a touch repetitive but it’s got an energy to it and reminds me of POWERMAN 5000 in ways. “Lizzard Of Oz” houses more chugging riffs, with a strong electronic core sound, something which a more industrial metal unit might partake-in.  

“Skull And Bones (The Danger Zone)” repeats this seemingly Rob Zombie inspired instrumental direction, with it sounding aesthetically very similar. “Shake The Baby Silent” is top quality parenting advice it has to be said, Mr. Lordi collecting his dad of the year award over here, well done. Skip the bottle feed, jump straight to infanticide. It took seven albums but we do actually get our first actual stand-out highlight in the form of “Terror Extra-Terrestrial”. The intro spoils it a little bit, with its E.T parody segue, but we get a frankly quirky piece of synth-driven hard rock, and it’s honestly rather catchy. We ultimately finish up very ironically however, with the track “Anticlimax”...and I’m not even going to make any jokes here, the audio speaks for itself. After seven albums, completing this seventy-eight-track endurance test has to be rewarded in some aspect surely? Not in the slightest. 

Lordi tried something different here; they have to applauded for their creative ambition, that’s without question. What DOES need to be questioned though, is why the hell they couldn’t do seven concept EP’s instead of seven full bloody albums? They could have very easily cherry-picked specific highlights, and made a far more digestible, and more importantly, enjoyable listening experience. Seventy-eight tracks, allows for far, far too much filler, and truth be told, fodder. They managed to occasionally hit certain spots musically, and instrumentally to diversify these albums into their genre’s, which is the entire point OF “Lordiversity” as a concept, but vocally they just aren’t capable of really delivering; it’s very one-dimensional for the most part, and that grates over time.

In summary... Monstrous? Check. Mediocre? Also check. If concept albums are your thing, love anthologies and collecting box-sets, or simply are a die-hard Lordi fan, you'll likely enjoy this for what it is. If you specifically like a certain style or genre, feel free to sift through your own preferences accordingly, you MIGHT get something out of it, but, as a complete package, this is at a level of grandiosity Lordi really shouldn't be dabbling in. For me? This review is finally over...give me a hard rock hallelujah! [4]
WWW.LORDI.FI
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Blind Channel - "Lifestyles Of The Sick & Dangerous"

19/9/2022

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As I’ve stated in the past, Finland feels like, from a musical standpoint at least; an adopted home. So many of my favourite artists have come from the Wintery lake-lands of Suomi, and I love their penchant for blending the sweetest melodies with the sourest melancholy, and I just vibe it. 

This in turn, fuels a certain sense of bias, as when it comes to another love of mine; the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST...I tend to make a B-Line for Finland’s entries instead of supporting the UK, and I’m rarely disappointed. Whether we’re enjoying the over-the-top ridiculousness of LORDI, and their monstrously charismatic stage presence. The up-tempo dance-along qualities of pop-starlet SAARA AALTO, and this year, THE RASMUS hit us with another vibrant dose of light alternative emo courtesy of their new track “Jezebel”. This brings us to today’s artist; BLIND CHANNEL. 

Blind Channel represented Finland at the 2021 ESC and, it’s the first competition I’d missed in years, because I had double booked myself in Manchester for a socially distanced gig. Disgraceful behaviour I know! Their song “Dark Side”, which effortlessly blended anthemic gang vocals, subtle nu-metal throwbacks and hip-hop aesthetics finished an incredibly respectable 6th in the grand final and the lads found themselves a global audience. 2022 finds the Finns capitalising on this with their brand-new album, and having just rounded up a run of UK tour dates, let’s remind ourselves why they live the “Lifestyles Of The Sick & Dangerous” … 

The album opens up with “Opinions”, and just like arse holes, everyone’s got one, I just tend to write mine here, regardless of if you agree! I digress. It initially starts as a sort of cold, icy-synth led trap-beat with their more rap-infused vocal delivery, but they switch between more hip-hop stylistics and more aggressive flows while performing, keeping it fresh.  
The chorus is soft and melodic and overall, as an opener, it would easily appease fans of HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD. Conceptually it’s about living life to your own rhythm, without caring for what anyone else believes, or thinks, march to the beat of your own drum, and that philosophy has done them well to their credit. 

Next up we have the aforementioned ESC track “Dark Side” and, while over a year old now, those nu-metal qualities simply shine. It references the outcasts of life, of society, referencing the album title and things such as the infamous 27-club, hinting at a sense of unpredictability in life; a certain rebelliousness and defiance in the face of the norm and it’s like a rallying cry. Wonderful stuff. 

To be fair, the album contains its fair share of absolute bops despite its mere half an hour run time, so it’s nice to see the lads opting for quality over quantity. The single “Bad Idea” shows the band have a tender side to counter their hip-hop-inspired abrasiveness, with more focus on hushed vocal styles, and a softer, mellower instrumental approach, and it works really well; look at the Blindstreet Boys by here mun! “We Are No Saints” again utilises gang-vocals and light synths, but it becomes this incredibly bold, semi-metalcore banger, with some soaring hooks and some good old-fashioned chuggy riffs.  

“Don’t Fix Me” and closing track “Thank You For The Pain” utilise strong pop-punk aesthetics for a real burst of up-beat energy, especially the former, though while the latter is equally fun, with some quirky lyrical jabs, it’s let down only by its own ending. It might mean something to the lads, but, ending the album on spoken word ramblings, especially in a language you are yet to understand, it sort of takes away from the overall listening experience.  

That end segment is pretty much as bad as it gets truth be told. Sure “National Heroes” as an interlude has its place as it segues into a track, following a narrative, but it doesn’t need to be a track of its own...and “Autopsy” is arguably the weakest track on the record here, for its overall lack of life...which is fitting I suppose. Conceptually however it does fit in very well with the album's themes of integrity and self-respect, self-worth and it can’t really be knocked. 

Ultimately, what we have here, is an energetic, confident and acclaimed group of young rockers from Finland, who won the hearts and ears of millions during a mainstream televised song contest, with a rebellious attitude, a mature sense of defiance in the face of industry big-wigs, and the ability to go and actually do it. With those middle fingers up, they stand proud, and while the music itself might not be original, it’s as full of heart as it is hooks, and that goes a long way. The future is bright for Blind Channel...I just hope they don’t lose sight of what they are capable of. [8]
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/BLINDCHANNELBAND
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Grant Macdonald - "Ram Ranch"

7/8/2022

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Allow me to preface the following review, with an outpouring of regret, grief, more regret, bewilderment and, a little bit more regret, through a literary veil of self-therapy. There was absolutely zero reason, obligating me to conduct the following review, but, at the same time, there was absolutely EVERY reason that I couldn’t NOT do this review. This is the review equivalent of Hogan v Warrior at WrestleMania VI, but with more baby oil...let me set the stage. 

You know by now that, while I am perfectly capable of writing a decent, or at the very least, serious review, whether here or over on ALL ABOUT THE ROCK, I get my kicks out of the more, unusual and questionable releases available to me. I can point my finger at the likes of, KIM PETRAS, or, going back to COREY FELDMAN; I like a challenge, but this is the sort of thing that can break a man. This can Brokeback Mountain the fuck out of a man...this is “Ram Ranch” by GRANT MACDONALD, and I blame young Charlie Bryant for this 1 hour and 7 minutes of audio torture. Even the inmates at Guantanamo Bay would feel sorry for me here, but, fuck it...saddle up, we’re going in (Dry)… 

Firstly, who IS Grant Macdonald? Little is known about this alleged Canadian, other than that he might be Canadian, and his name might be Grant Macdonald...he’s like the BANKSY of homoerotic cowboy rock. The album we’re tackling today originally came out in 2012, so, aside from being a rare case of retrospective reviewing from me, we’ve had a decade to process, and at times, begrudgingly accept “Ram Ranch”. It’s been used as pro-LGBTQ+ content in protests and rallies, and over its existence it became a running meme and an ongoing source of absurdity. To this day Grant has apparently released SIX HUNDRED variants of “Ram Ranch”, which is frankly both impressive and alarming. Dude has a passion, what can I say? With that said, the only way is down, as we process this piece of... art? 

The album opens up with the title track, and, we initially have a dose of rather subdued heavy metal instrumentation, with all of the riffs, licks and kick drums. I say subdued because it’s practically background noise. On a production level, it’s like a demo in terms of audio quality, but the capability is there, that in itself is promising...but it’s the vocal content that draws attention here.  

Allow me to set the tone lyrically; “18 naked cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch, big hard throbbing cocks wanting to be sucked, 18 naked cowboys wanting to be fucked? Cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch on their knees wanting to suck cowboy cocks; Ram Ranch really rocks!”. This is the primary content of the track from start to finish, and it’s the absurdity of this that, at first, makes it mildly amusing and, quite distressing simultaneously. The worst bit? The spoken-word over metal sounds like, CHILLS, arguably THE WORST YouTube narrator in the history of the internet, got a record deal. The repetition and looping of track one IS painful, sure, but we have 11 tracks left. Even my Jack Daniel’s needs a Jack Daniel’s... 
 
Second track “Plowboy” has such a reverberated overlay of vocal samples, it becomes an absolute trippy mess from the moment it starts, with some, moog-esque synths, setting the tone for some almost 70’s porn rock sleaze. It’s the kind of thing to make your eye twitch, which one all depends on you and your tastes, I’m not here to discriminate. 

Next up we have, “Cowboys Fucking Cowboys” and, you remember when KID ROCK was like, “I wanna’ be a Cowboy baby!”? Yeah, we’re going to shatter his dreams right now. The gentle acoustics here could easily, EASILY be used for a more serious, affectionate country ballad, but there’s so much lyrical cowboy fucking here, riding butthole’s deep...it’s like...you know when ROGER ALAN WADE did “If You’re Gonna’ Be Dumb” for JACKASS, but instead of a montage of stunts, it was gay porn...that about sums it up. 
 
“Prince Harry” returns abruptly to that riff-heavy metal musicality, and it’s a wonder how the ever-loving fuck he got away with this one. I don’t know if this would be art, slander, or character assassination, but telling him to ride those big hard ram ranch cowboy cocks, bouncy, bouncy up and down, up and down, drink that cum, ram another cock up your royal bum? I don’t even know where the line is legally with this. I think of Harry now, in 2022, but this was ten years ago, ok Harry was still 28 at the time, but Christ. This is worse than that time he wore that Nazi costume to a party and made the front page. Who would have thought THAT could be topped? 

Next up, I feel personally attacked, as we have “Suck That Cock Gavin”, and, no. Firstly I’m not even joking, that’s that track name! I’m barely here to listen to the album, I’m certainly not signing up for that. I recently reviewed VR SEX and not even they were that immersive, calm the fuck down Grant! Or at least buy me dinner first!? I’ll take the salad, hold the ram ranch dressing please... 

“Big Hard Cowboy Cock” sounds like, generic mid 90’s WCW music, excluding the lyrics, obviously, Ted Turner wouldn’t tolerate that. Imagine like, the Nitro Girls were gay cheerleaders? Disco Inferno and Alex Wright would have much better careers. ” Hard Horsecock” implies that we’re entering the world of bestiality here now, and I don’t even know what I can get away with. We’ve all heard the phrase ‘hung like a horse’, but this is sung like a cunt. “12 Inch Cock” has industrialised metal elements but it’s more like, queer factory than FEAR FACTORY, while “Stable Boy” houses a more urbanised gangsta-rap / hip-hop aesthetic, but it drops more soap than it does bars. 

Ultimately, whoever Grant Macdonald is...he’s committed. Or at least he should be. Credit to him, I can barely think of the words to sum this up. Not since AC/DC has an artist produced so much content with so little substance. Sure, he’s able to mix it up musically, utilising rock and metal, country and Americana, as well as hip-hop, so he’s technically actually better than AC/DC, but lyrically and vocally, I’m assuming it’s something you have to be in-on, or, ‘get’.

Ideal for reaction videos, or making friends and family question you when they hear you play it on Spotify, but, at over an hour long, it’s not a fun album in the slightest, and once the initial shock wears off, and you’ve done the whole “Wtf?” head shake, it very quickly becomes monotonous and boring. Let’s be honest, there’s only so much hard throbbing cowboy cock you can take, y’know? No? Ok then... [0]
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VR Sex - "Rough Dimensions"

17/7/2022

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Let’s talk about abbreviations... basically a shortened form of a word, phrase, or even branding... like, AEW, which is All Elite Wrestling... S&M which is the kind of fun, kinky shit I’m not going to share with you HERE, this aint Only Fans! (I say this winking at you, watching you recoil in confused arousal), and we can’t forget LGBTQ+, which, is just cheating at Scrabble, let’s be honest.  

This segue brings us to VR; virtual reality... and, I’m going to have to set the scene here using DEMOLITION MAN of all things. Do you remember that bit where, Sylvester Stallone and Sandra Bullock partake in that brief bout of, futuristic head-set sexy sex? It was like being off your tits on Viagra and mushrooms with absolutely none of the nutritional value. I don’t know what confused him more, this or the seashells? I digress...this IS fitting however, as today we’ll be taking a look at VR SEX... 

Comprised of Noel Skum, Z. Oro and Mico Frost, who, aside from sounding like the contents of a BTEC Kellog’s variety pack, are an acid-punk / death-rock / ethereally ambient ensemble, who released their newest album this year entitled “Rough Dimensions”. The question is, if Y4dyz =√(60/4) x yz/r² x (1/4𝜋) ½ , what the FUCK is THIS album going to sound like? There’s only one way to find out... 

The album opens up with “Victim Or Vixen” and it starts with this, almost, 1970’s era, grainy synth instrumentation, that you might find in the theme of a children's TV show. That however soon descends into something between KILLING JOKE and JOY DIVISION instrumentally. It’s got a somewhat smooth post-punk aesthetic, with a lack of vocal range, practically spoken word for the most part, yet manages to bridge that with an indie/grunge vibe. It ends on an enjoyably melodic note, ultimately starting things off in an interesting manner with a variety of influences. 

We quickly transition then into album highlight “Glutton For Love”, which utilizes all of the above points while delivering the hooks; the synths here make this song, and it’s got an incredibly up-beat chorus instrumentally. There’s a sense of frustration here vocally at times that harks back to the likes of THE CURE, and it lavishes in its more pop-based production because of it.  
Further notable points include “Live In A Dream”, which starts off reminding me of a BLOODHOUND GANG track (Think “Along Comes Mary”), which is a mixed bag of tricks...however combining bits of bass-rich post-punk with a more indie-rock aesthetic, the verses here reek of the SLEAFORD MODS. It’s got charm to it, and it’s a grower to be fair, but the near-spoken word delivery again can be understandably off-putting. “Walk Of Fame” in turn channels the likes of RADIOHEAD, with its slowly plucked, frankly crestfallen sense of vulnerable accountability, and that itself heaps on about as much praise as I can possibly muster... 

The rest of the album then which, retains that sense of overall melancholic misery, plateaus, into this generally uninspired mediocrity. “Cyber Crimes” as an interlude is absolutely pointless... at just over half a minute of electronic distortion, it sounds like a late 90’s AOL internet Dial-Up connection having a stroke. “End Vision” starts off promisingly with some up-beat, catchy percussion and does maintain an up-tempo rhythm, but is let down by the stagnant vocal delivery. At least for half the track...the last half plods itself over the finish line with the laziest of riffs that, loop so lethargically...it’s like that cut off point where you can hear them running out of ideas. 

VR SEX, I guess, on first listen, are a bit like losing your actual virginity. On paper it’s a wonderous thing; you go into it head-on full of excitement without the foggiest idea what you’re doing, fumble your way through until you finish, a bit sloppily, thinking...oh? “Rough Dimensions” here has its ideas, as do the band in general, but just like Stallone wearing that head-set, you can’t help but wish it was just some, back-to-basics post-punk, or in his case, post-spunk. An average album by an average band with a quirky name...now if you’ll excuse me, taking off MY headset, the curtains have been open this whole time, and, the bacon just pulled up...at least the band can thank me for some decent exposure? No? (Laughing for the last time as a free man) *KNOCK KNOCK* “Open up! It’s The Police!”...fuck... [4] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/VRSEXBAND
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GWAR - "The New Dark Ages"

18/6/2022

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The last time we heard from GWAR, the intergalactic horde of phallic, barbaric and comically grotesque humanoids, were celebrating the 30th anniversary, of their breakthrough record “Scumdogs Of The Universe”. (Check out the All About The Rock website here for that review) ...

Now, on paper, this seemed like a wonderful idea, as their unique brand of punk-infused hard rock, and gory, splatter-house stage theatrics means a GWAR show can’t go wrong, right? Sadly, not so much. We have to factor in a few key things like, not a sole original founding member continues to play for the band, (Iconic front-man Oderus, portrayed by Dave Brockie, being quite dead is quite note-worthy)... couple this with the fact that, they played their anniversary show to nobody, in the middle of a pandemic, in an empty room over the internet. It was underwhelming at best, and really didn’t do them justice. 

Here, in 2022, with their first new original material since 2017’s “Blood Of The Gods”, GWAR are back with “The New Dark Ages” ...a concept album that accompanies a new graphic novel entitled “GWAR In The Duoverse Of Absurdity”, which finds the band sucked off (You read that right) into an alternate universe, to battle their evil twins. Or, something. Knowing them, they’ll take the term graphic novel far too literally! With that said, let’s enter a new dark age as we hit the play button... 

The album starts off worryingly slowly with the title-track, but I guess it’s doing a job here, setting a tone for the album's narrative as a whole. It’s got a low drone underlying some minimal church bells, before slow, ominous guitar notes and it can be said, that it sounds like it could come from some folkish medieval horror movie. It’s plodding for the most part, quite uninspired, aside from a random autotune vocal fill that comes out of the blue, but it's really quite straightforward.  

Somehow, follow-up track “Blood Libel” manages to sound even more basic, almost lazy. There ARE stoner, sludgy elements sprinkled throughout the track, subtly faint djent qualities, but the riffs and overall instrumentation here are so sporadically delivered in terms of its tempo and structure, it’s like it struggles to find its own momentum. Lyrically? We’ve got 3am orgies, cheese pizza and catholic church baby raping rings all in the space of one verse, I mean, OK? Have they been reading this blog? Did I just self-incriminate? I confess...I like cheese pizza...*cough* 

Gwar are meant to be an energetic, arguably psychotic band of reprobates, with punk-infused stylistics and an eye for social satire, so there must be some fun to be had here somewhere? Luckily the singles have been half-decent. “Mother Fucking Liar” takes things up a slight notch with some decent, groove-laden riff-work. Story-wise, “Berserker Mode” tells of vocalist Blothar rediscovering terrifying old powers to a backdrop of up-tempo, old-school thrashy metal, providing one of the albums earlier highlights. 

“Completely Fucked” has got some frenetic vocal delivery surrounding the chorus, as well as some classic guitar wailing, yet manages to sound quite jovial towards its climax, while “Venom Of The Platypus” utilises an unexpected electronic intro, immediately catching your ear. It has to be said though, only a band as utterly bizarre as Gwar, would sing about a platypus...talk about a fitting spirit animal! It’s a mammal, with a beak, a venom gland on its...feet? Oh, and it lays eggs? God was fucking high again smoking them acacia bushes when he made that one, wasn’t he? 

This is even before we come to “Ratcatcher”. Easily the albums most accessible, arguably catchiest track, it’s got soft rock hooks aplenty in the chorus, despite the lyrical content of children trapped in his basement. It’s a bit stop start with the riff work, and there’s plenty of cowbell, but generally speaking it’s a good foot-tapper of a track; enjoyable enough in its simplicity, but not astounding. It’s something that TURBONEGRO fans may appreciate, it gives off that vibe.  

The rest of the album, over its 15-track run time, does drag a little sadly. “Bored To Death” being so late in the album is ironic as, that’s pretty much how I feel by this point in the grand scheme of things...yet more generic metal. Closing track then “Deus Ex Monstrum” is nothing more than a kick in the bollocks quite frankly. At over ten minutes long, it’s an instrumental that takes forever to get to what sounds like computer glitching, like, it’s meant to represent them traversing between these universes, but in actuality, it reeks of pointlessness.  

For the most part, if you like your metal very run of the mill, and will just happily head-bang your day away with a can of warm Red Stripe, you crack on, you probably don’t even care who this review is about do you? Truthfully, maybe reading the graphic novel will help these tracks mean more, and it’s better off as a packaged concept from a creative standpoint, but as a stand-alone album, this is less GWAR, and more Gwhy? The metal genre wasn’t around in the 1300’s but, this album at times feels just as antiquated, ya’ bunch of musical, alien ronyon’s! [4] 
​
WWW.GWAR.NET
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/GWAR
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Sexblood - "Teach Me To Cry"

4/6/2022

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For a nation the size of the UK, let’s be honest, when it comes to the arts and media, quite specifically music, we’ve been over-delivering forever. I could reel off a plethora of bands, musicians, vocalists and performers from up and down these isles but, I’d be here for days, so, we’re going to just focus on one place in particular; Manchester.  

Now, with that being said, even here I’m going to be skipping a ton of names, because let’s be honest, the HAPPY MONDAYS or TAKE THAT wouldn’t quite fit in with what I’m trying to portray here. We want the melancholy; we want the tortured poets that pioneered genres, and inspired countless kids to pick up instruments. Manchester has these in droves, whether it’s past icons like JOY DIVISION or THE SMITHS...or more recent breakout bands like PALE WAVES and IST IST...Manchester bands love their music and lyricism soaked in misery, as that working-class industrialised backdrop allows for a special kind of up-beat negativity in music. It’s a special place Manchester...and there’s no place quite like it...only...there actually is. 

Baring all of that in mind, today what we’re actually going to be doing, is focussing on a city called Mulhouse, in the Alsace region on far-Eastern France, which, funnily enough, is called “The French Manchester”. I guess you could say, Franchester? Look, I don’t want to risk being stabbed with a baguette, OK? An industrial city practically on Germany’s doorstep we’re that far East, it houses today’s band, and arguably my discovery of the year; SEXBLOOD.  

Saying I’ve discovered sex blood isn’t something I’m comfortable with on the internet, and googling them is questionable at best (The FBI guy spying through my webcam must absolutely hate me) but this group of post-punk / Goth revivalists, consisting of guitarist/vocalist (Also studio drummer) Abel De Beauvoir, synth-maestro Sybil Viola and bassist Demon VI, have unleashed their début album in 2022, entitled “Teach Me To Cry”. The question is, will this review make them cry happy tears? Or tears of utter despair? Let’s find out... 

The album opens up with “Silent Hill” and great, from the word go I’ve got to contend with Pyramid Head? Can I at least finish this review before I get violently butchered to death? I digress...the track begins with a sense of, Eastern-inspired guitar tone, before we delve into the more expected, bass-rich, post-punk aesthetic that could easily come right out of the FIELDS OF THE NEPHILIM / SISTERS OF MERCY textbook. They’ve taken great care to sound not only nostalgic but authentic...not that the band AREN’T but, their sound, it’s so accurate.  

This is only hammered home on follow up track and album highlight number one “Black Rain”, and by highlight number one I mean exactly that; we’ve got plenty to enjoy here. The track itself initially opens with some distortion delay but we soon get straight into those up-beat, 80’s vibes, that easily house the likes of the aforementioned Sisters, but, KILLING JOKE and THE CURE too. From Abel’s deeper vocal drawl, the dance-along vibes of the instrumentation, the combination of jovial keys and light guitar tones with darker, deeper lyrics and a sense of foreboding; this is incredible.  

The only thing stopping this being the albums top track is the outro, with its sort of, B-Movie drama segment, rounding things off. It’s unnecessary, to the point it actively spoils the track. You might think, ok, maybe in the music video it makes sense with the narrative, but no, even that’s black screen and nothingness. They tried something and it didn’t work, but let’s not let that take away from this album as a whole. 

The album’s highlight for sure, has to go to “Sleeping Angel”...which, quite simply gets everything right. The clap-along percussion, the sensual, rhythmic movement of the track as it flows, the positivity in the keys as they pierce the track like the brightest moon on the darkest night, almost guiding the despair, it’s genuinely beautiful and this could easily be at home on any Sisters’ record it’s that good. Tracks like “Soultrap” and “Holodomor” maintain these elements as they balance the depth of Abel’s vocal huskiness in places, with a polished instrumental counter. “Bad Priest” as a closing track is a real up-tempo number, based in mistrust and being let down by those you look up to, but it couldn’t sound any more encouraging and dance-happy if it could. Detrimental to the core message perhaps? Possibly...but it’s catchy as shit. 

​If there’s anything negative to take from this record it’s “Bloodshift”...and that’s purely because, as an instrumental piece, an interlude if you will, it comes out of the blue and somewhat spoils the flow of the album. If anywhere I’d have used it as an intro segue into the album but even then, it’s a nothing-track...  

Ultimately, today we have learned that France has its own Manchester, that faux Manchester has its own post-punk scene and SEXBLOOD are easily at the forefront. To some it may sound dated, but that’s why it’s so damn good! You don’t get many bands peddling these wares nowadays and SEXBLOOD do it effortlessly. This is a nostalgia trip for Gothic genre lovers, and “Teach Me To Cry” brought happy tears to MY eyes...and I’m grateful for losing my SEXBLOOD virginity. Oh wait....Ohhhhh OK I get it. You gone done popped my cherry you French fucks... [9] 
GET "TEACH ME TO CRY" ON BANDCAMP HERE
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/SEXBLOOD
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Junksista - "Oxytocin High" EP

24/5/2022

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If you cast your mind back to February, you may remember I reviewed an EP by the name of “Fuck Your Pretty Face”, by German, alternative techno-pop duo JUNKSISTA. For the record I didn’t, nor haven’t; I can’t reach, but, that’s beside the point. Anyway, as stated in the review, there is history between both parties, as the rapport has always been tongue-in-cheek but, respectful. Whether vocalist Diana sends me new material with a sly smile; seeing if I’ll bite and accept the challenge, or, whether it’s me laughing at a ridiculous lyric or song title; it’s wholesome ribbing.  

While the EP in question had some meaning, within its own narrative at least, primarily the title track, plus a decent surprise courtesy of a random KISS cover, the EP lacked in the overall absurdity that I had familiarised myself with. This brings us to the here and now, and, merely three months later, the duo have returned with yet another brand-new EP entitled “Oxytocin High”. If previous releases are anything to go by, I could do with some drugs to get through this! With that being said, let’s dust off the old walk-man, pop in that cassette tape and hope we remember how to fucking work the damn thing... 

We kick things off with the title track, and it’s time to do a little googling; what actually IS oxytocin? Are we about to get off our tits on some, brain-melting, kaleidoscopic hallucinogens? I should be so lucky. It’s actually a hormone produced in the hypothalamus, and known as the “love hormone”, it helps facilitate childbirth and aftercare. It plays a vital role in emotional bonding and, feeling a connection between people...allegedly. I think my brain is out of stock in that department. I digress, the track gets underway with some pulsing electronic notes, and some hushed, autotuned vocals, as Diana asks “Why can’t you be fucking happy?” ...and it’s a good question.  

It’s a song about contentment; the idea of chasing a love, or, a bond you may never find; not satisfied, the grass being forever greener on every other side, and needing to realise the quick thrill of that, one moment of passion, lust and wanting, isn’t going to make you happy in the long run. You’ll forever be chasing your next fix, romantically and emotionally, eventually failing to feel satisfaction, and it wonderfully uses our desire for love, comfort, and togetherness as a flaw. It’s a deep song, but it’s balanced by an incredibly light, bubbly, retro synth-pop aesthetic that’s been plucked straight out of the 80’s with a modern dance vibe, and it works. 

We follow this up with EP highlight “Aerobic” and while it tonally could easily match ERIC PRYDZ for dirty dance anthem sensuality, I went into this thinking exclusively of Douglas Reynholm conducting secretive sexy dance classes. All of the short-shorts and hip-thrusting going on with this one, getting a proper sweat on by here! The track itself is a lively, pulsing piece of electronica, with up-beat pop vibes aplenty and some clap-along percussion; it’s the kind of track you’d imagine the lad's sniffing ketamine to in Kooler’s in Merthyr Tydfil. I like this. 

Next up, we get “Whore On The Floor” and... it’s a little disappointing. On face value, you’d think KIM PETRAS has highjacked the track to continue her slut-pop revolution; dancing her knickers off, bleating her way around the club like the very throat goat she claims she is, but really, it’s a slow, anti-climactic track. The whore might be on the floor, but, she’s out for the count, and you just want to call her a taxi home. Poor girl’s been on her knees all day give her a rest! Other than some minimalist catchy synths, this is incredibly tame by comparison to the aforementioned and I hereby challenge Diana to lyrically out-slut Kim Petras. Maybe even a collaboration? Who knows? Fuck, that’s who...fuck knows.  

Last time around we highlighted their KISS cover; "I Was Made For Loving You", which genuinely suited them aesthetically, but here we have another cover to potentially appeal to a wider audience, and it comes in the form of SALT-N-PEPPA classic “Push It”. While it retains a lot of the tracks original 80’s quirkiness, it does come across as more of a medley or, a mash up, with original lyrics and snippets of THE KINKS thrown in for good measure, and to be perfectly honest, it’s better. It’s more of a substantial version, with less filler and it’s not like it’s been musically drawn-out needlessly. Credit where it’s due, they’ve got a knack for picking covers than work for them. The final track then is just a remix of the title track and it’s your typical, generic dance-inspired remix; nothing spectacular whatsoever and nothing worth mulling over. 

Overall, it appears that, while there are still subtle nods to some of that aforementioned absurdity, Junksista are slowly but surely taking their ass off the whoopee cushion. Believe me when I say this; the band are maturing, but I don’t mean it in a patronising way, there is a genuine, evolution in the duo’s lyricism, and while they still have their little digs here and there, they aren’t over the top. Going forward, they are even more so now, situated to be at the forefront of a fresh generation of alternative synth-wave, and could easily keep the genre alive and kicking.  

Previous efforts may not have contributed to the release of much oxytocin, I’ll level with you, but steadily, you can be a junkie for Junksista and not feel ashamed. Controlled doses, I guess? Perfect? No. Diana’s vocal delivery, with her spoken word, hushed tones, ARE niche, but they are delivering catchy tracks that will get them increasingly picked up at alt. Club nights across Europe, and I do believe there are bigger and better things to come. In the meantime, the club is now closed, and there is still a whore on the floor...I have hoovering to do...is she dead? [6]
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/JUNKSISTA
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Jackass: A Music Retrospective

24/4/2022

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Hello I’m Gavin Griffiths, and welcome to my blog...certain generations, have their own favoured and, primarily heartfelt, nostalgic pieces of pop-culture that, they fondly look back on, with a happy tear in their eye, and the very fondest of memories. Sure, I was born in 89’ (Age reveal right there) and remember plenty of things like the Power Rangers taking over the world, the original Pokémon taking over the world, the SPICE GIRLS phenomenon taking over the world, Pinky & The Brain WANTING to take over the world, but nothing gripped me more as a young teen and, quite truthfully, prospectless delinquent, than JACKASS. 

When it first hit screens in 2000 on MTV, I was HOOKED. Sure, it was ridiculous watching Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Steve-O et al putting themselves through what they did, and let's be quite honest here, a LOT of us did the same, ignoring those “professional warnings” (I’m not joking when I say that, I should be dead right now, not writing this), but it was that on-screen friendship, that level of banter and comradery, that had us all cringing, crying, and laughing our asses off, often simultaneously.  

While the stunts themselves are memorable, and oh boy there are so many to pick from, we often forget, or, overlook the soundtracks; the songs that remind us of that one particular time we laughed, while someone nearly died. Now in 2022, as the guys (Along with some fresh cast members) have released the franchises fourth movie instalment; “Jackass Forever”, which is out on Blu-Ray now, and with “Jackass 4.5” hitting Netflix next month, let’s look at the music that enhances the stupidity, and take a deep dive into some of the most memorable musical moments in Jackass history. 
Now, for the sake of this piece not being biblical in length, we’ll be focusing on the movies, but if there’s one song you HAVE to include, it’s “Corona” by MINUTEMEN. Sure, it may have been released back in 1984, with its own intended purposes, and meanings to the early punk-rockers, but when you hear those opening chords, you just picture that skull and crutches logo hitting the black screen, and you just KNOW you are in for a good time. The up-beat, jovial tones of the song enhance the light-hearted tomfoolery of the prank-loving cast, and as a bouncy piece of music, with it’s almost oompah-esque level of frivolity, it’s perfect for the laugh-along nature of the show. It resurrected an entire band and became an anthem for modern day idiots in one swoop. You simply HAVE to smile, when you hear this song come on, it’s an unwritten law. 

​Before we get into some specifics there are some famous stand-out, and reoccurring tracks that we have to applaud, and the first of those, has to be the “Party Boy” theme. It’s no more, than a simple piece of retro, synth-driven funky dance music, but as SOON as you hear those bass-driven keys pulse through your speakers, you just KNOW, that someone, from somewhere, is going to strip down to a shiny silver thong, and dance crotch-first into your face. Again, the very thought of Chris Pontius getting to do his favourite thing in the world; strip, to dance semi-naked for some unsuspecting victim, will never not be hilarious. I don’t care if you’re a Japanese fortune teller or Sami Zayn at WWE’s WrestleMania...you aren’t safe from Party Boy! 
We can’t NOT mention, ROGER ALAN WADE. Johnny Knoxville’s cousin and blues country icon, he probably IS mostly famous for his contribution to Jackass in wider circles, but his penchant for his heart-on-his-sleeve lyricism, was fine-tuned to perfection on this mellow masterpiece; “If You’re Gonna Be Dumb You Gotta Be Tough”. It carries with it the same light-hearted tone as the title theme, but lyrically it just fits PERFECTLY. It makes light of the absurdity and insanity, and while a relaxed acoustic piece, it only enhances the fun. It’s one of those songs that, like with the intro, simply brings a happy tear to your eye as you know EXACTLY where this comes from, what it represents. Country music is rarely considered anthemic, but in its own right this is the anthem of idiots worldwide. 

​So much so in fact, it’s become sort of, a secondary Jackass anthem, having appeared in all of the movies in some capacity. In "Jackass Number Two", we had a version by SMUT PEDDLERS, which brought a far more intense, raw, punk-rock tone to the track, which was fitting with the film. While the song went up a level, so did the cast, and so did the stunts, and it was just next level brilliance in its own right. Everyone enjoys a good number two. “Jackass 3D” saw YEAH YEAH YEAHS front-woman KAREN-O wrap her vocals around another fresh cover, which, DID return to a more country/acoustic, almost banjo vibe, as we’d come full circle, and this was almost closure for the team. There was a poignancy to the track, as it was here, that we’d thought we’d seen the last of the Jackass crew on the big screen, or any screen, and it was sweet. This is something that ties us into the next three tracks...bear with me while I get a bit weepy. 
 In terms of closure, few tracks hit home more emotionally than “Memories” by WEEZER, from “Jackass 3D”. Those closing credits ten years ago, with the old-school footage, the apropos lyrical reflection on the cast and crews' memories...despite being a genuinely fun song, it was a beautifully sad song at the very same time. We grew up with the crew, their antics, and it felt like closure, and memories were all we would have of this brilliantly insane decade. Sadly, memories would become TOO meaningful, as Ryan Dunn, one of the most beloved cast members, tragically passed away in a car accident not too long after the third film came out. While the song “Memories” brought happy tears to our eyes, Roger Alan Wade returned to really turn on the water works, with his song “The Light Outlives The Star”, and while not part of the Jackass movie continuity, from a soundtrack point of view, it HAS to be included. RIP Ryan, we miss you and we love you, you Random Hero you. 

This brings us back to “Jackass Forever”, and ten years in the making, they made sure we felt all of the feels. JOHNNY CASH played us into the trailer with “We’ll Meet Again” and we couldn’t WAIT for the latest instalment...the quaint qualities of the track brought back all of the nostalgia, the laughs, the good times, and those memories, and we knew the new film was going to go HARD. Harder than the man in black, drugged up playing a prison concert. Harder than Chris Pontius’ Godzilla penis...spoiler alert. “If You’re Gonna Be Dumb...” gets another nostalgic, acoustic cover this time courtesy of DJ PAUL and YELAWOLF but it incorporates a more modern, trap/hip-hop vibe and goes down its own lyrical route, breathing fresh life into the track a decade on. It brings together a new generation, a new cast, a new audience, and it’s quirky. 

Elsewhere, every song, has different connections to different fans, depending on their own personal Jackass preference. Very easily, we could talk about CKY and the connection with Bam, as he merged his original footage into the original series, and got his brothers band a full-on cult-like following. We all remember “69 Quite Bitter Beings” or, “Bernadette Nerr”, and of course, “Flesh Into Gear” from the first movie...and we can’t ignore “Afterworld” from “Jackass 3D”. CKY goes hand-in-hand with Jackass, but they are one of the most underrated bands on the planet. ANDREW WK can’t be left out with his party-hard anthem “We Want Fun”. Seeing the Jackass guys on Kerrang! in this music video was just amazing! 

​These are all key songs though in marketing, promotion, but what tracks stand out to our favourite stunts? While I could be here all day laughing to myself about the stupidest shit imaginable, what truly stands out? Ok the new movie has yet to sink into to our pop-culture conscious but, while these things take repeated views to really hammer home their genius, we can easily fondly remember the classics. The first movie has “Let’s Get Fucked Up” from the golf cart scenes...perfectly delivered by the SMUT PEDDLERS as Knoxville gets knocked out. SLAYER provide “Angel Of Death” for the first ever movie stunt, the “Rent-A-Car Derby”...the SAHARA HOTNIGHTS soundtrack Ryan Dunn getting the shit kicked out of him by a girl, and how can we ignore SIR MIX-A-LOT with “Baby Got Back”?
Number two got a little more cultured, including a variety of artists, ranging from rap group THREE 6 MAFIA who happily watched Dave England eat dry horse shit...to the ELVIS PRESLEY classic “A Little Less Conversation” enhancing the “Beehive Limo”...we had Scandinavian leather rockers TURBONEGRO play “The Gauntlet” via “All My Friends Are Dead”, while Chris Pontius himself delivered a track called “Karazy” which was an unofficial sequel to “Sand Vagina”.  

​TWSITED SISTER aided in the intro to “Jackass 3D” with “The Kids Are Back”, which was poignant too in the grand scheme of things, while we had blistering numbers by SASSAFRAS and a returning Roger Alan Wade with “Party In My Pants” ...before the ten-year hiatus, and ultimately, “Jackass Forever”, provided us with a fresh bunch of artists. Fans of Jackass will have their favourite cast-members, their favourite stunts and their favourite songs from the series, but collectively, we have to appreciate the thought and consideration that’s gone into these compilations. Sure, we’ve all made stunt clips, skating videos, skits, inspired by the Jackass crew, hell, I’ve been lucky enough to meet Steve-O and Bam, but we all take different memories from the stunts, the scenes, and the songs.
 We are blessed to live in a world where Jackass not only exists, but is applauded. It is escapism in the grandest form, it is relief from all of our own pain, suffering and misery, it is therapy for those less fortunate, and for that, and I will fucking name you...Jeff, Spike, Dimitry, Johnny, Bam, Steve-O, Ryan, Chris, Preston, Weeman, Rachel, Poopies, Ehren, Jasper, Zach, Eric, Dave, Raab, Rake, DiCamillo, Jess, April, Phill, Novak, Kosick, Loomis, Lance, Sean, everyone...THANKYOU. Everyone involved who ever made my own up-bringing a better place; THANKYOU...these soundtracks, as well as these films, fuelled a generation, and I, as well as many other people around the world, wouldn’t be the same without Jackass. Am I dumb? Yes. Am I tough? You bet your ass I’m tough...and I have these misfits to thank for it. We all do. Now, in the words of those Smut Peddlers...let’s get fucked up. #JackassForever. 

Remember, Jackass Forever is available RIGHT NOW on Blu-Ray, and other downloadable media type things, also the unseen footage will be included in Jackass 4.5, which will be on Netflix on May 20th. Merchandise is available online, and you can follow all of your favourite Jackass stars on social media. Warning...the stunts that you may or may not have remembered in this nostalgic commemorative write-up were performed by professionals. Neither you nor your dumb buddies should attempt any of the things that this article has fondly reminisced on your behalf, because I’m not going to court because you’re a fucking idiot. Seriously I’m hammering that point home right now I know what the internet is like. Actually, scrap that, I’m not a hypocrite, just don’t come crying to me when you’ve got a toy car up your ass, getting tossed by a bull, eating a vomlette, blindfolded, in an exploding portable toilet. If it DOES happen though, film it for fuck's sake, don’t waste good footage.  

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/JACKASS
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Kim Petras - "Slut Pop" EP

17/4/2022

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Now...I’m no prude (You should see my search history), BUT... Jesus Christ there is a time and a place for everything. I mean, you’d like to think so, but, where the fuck do I begin with this one? You’ll probably remember previous reviews on say, STEEL PANTHER, where the sexual innuendo and, cheeky lyricism started overshadowing what WAS originally meant to be like, a sort of parody homage to sleazy glam metal. What ended up happening was, they started becoming a bit reliant of the gimmick, the material became less funny and, the joke well and truly ran its course. THIS on the other hand, is like, Only Fans: The Official Soundtrack...this is “Slut Pop” by KIM PETRAS...and this is going to be painful... 

First off, who actually IS Kim Petras? Born in Cologne, Germany in 1992, Kim actually made headlines before she even became a recording artist, by being the youngest person in the world to undergo gender transition and sex reassignment surgery, aged just 16 in 2009. She’s since taken up music and already has a handful of records under her belt, viral single releases and notable growth including collaborations with CHARLI XCX and SOPHIE. Whatever your thoughts on her are, Kim clearly isn’t afraid to shy away from controversy, and that is beyond evident on this new EP here. With that being said, let’s slide into this EP’s DM’s and get to know it more intimately... 

We open up with the title-track and musically, first impressions we’re heading into some, DAFT PUNK inspired, electro-funk. It’s got basic percussion and a sort of, retro aesthetic with its bassy synths and it’s quite minimalistic. Lyrically however this track, and EP as a whole to be honest, is in the gutter. Lots of getting your dicks and tits out, Dad fucking, ass slapping...I mean, you do you but, Spotify is the last place I’d be looking for that sort of content. Moving on we have “Treat Me Like A Slut” and, well, if you insist...it transitions straight in to be fair with only minor tweaks to the keys and notes, while keeping in original tempo. Imagine like, going from missionary, to missionary with her legs over your shoulders. It’s the same, but different. There are elements of BRITNEY SPEARS’ influence here in some of the vocal delivery but for the most part she’s quite monotone. 

Keeping in with sudden transitions we have “XXX” and really speaking, little changes again. The chorus piece is very uninspired and repetitive to be fair, and when she says “I’m horny!” in that almost, childlike high-pitched squeal, it’s like, never to God! Really?! We honestly had no idea by this point. Can’t be dealing with all of these subtle hints and mixed signals. You need to be a bit more upfront with your intentions Kim...I’m not a mind reader! “Superpower Bitch” then houses more of that Charli XCX influence in tone and attitude, but pray tell, what IS your super power? Can you fly? Are you immortal? Can your vagina complete a Rubik’s cube? That last bit is actually closer to the truth than I’d appreciate...her power is that she can “make you cum”. Even Deadpool cringed at that one. 

This isn’t the last track on the record, but we’re going to have to wrap things up here, as I simply can’t handle any more of this. We have a track called “Throat Goat” and if the title doesn’t give away the plot to you here, bless you my sweet innocent child. Actually, scrap that, if you’re reading this there is nothing innocent about you whatsoever...I digress. Yes, as you can imagine, this song sucks on multiple levels, mostly below the waistline, as, it’s the most unashamed song about blow jobs I think I’ll EVER hear. That’s all there is to say on that...I’ll leave you experience this one for yourselves via the audio below.  

Overall, this one has been a challenge. Having known nothing about Kim Petras upon discovering this EP, I couldn’t process this. I had to delve. In the past, she’s released genuinely decent pop songs such as “Icy” and “Personal Hell” from the album “Clarity”, just for example, so where has this come from? Her stand-alone single “Coconuts” about her tits was one thing, but this is quite possibly the single horniest, thirstiest, sluttiest record I’ve ever heard...so...she’s succeeded?  

I can appreciate how unashamedly open she is sexually, but we’re not here to really judge that, I need to judge this EP and sadly, despite all of the lyrical content, the EP falls flat with its repetitive formula and uninspired instrumentation. Take away the in-your-face sexualised content, the shock value if you will, musically and tonally, this is a disappointingly boring listen. This is background music for the strip-club at best. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to take a cold shower...to cleanse myself of my sins you filthy cretins! [1] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/KIMPETRAS
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King Satan - "Occult Spiritual Anarchy"

10/4/2022

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2022 is a big year for monarchy; not only is Queen Elizabeth II celebrating her Platinum Jubilee (I honestly didn’t know Liz had shifted that many records to be fair, the National Anthem is doing BIG numbers fam!) but it also marks the return of KING SATAN. The Finns, based in Tampere, first caught my attention back in 2017 with their strikingly assertive debut “King Fucking Satan”, which viciously blended hints of blackened metal with an aggrotech vibe. They’ve recently gotten in touch again with their latest album “Occult Spiritual Anarchy” and asked me to check it out...sounds like a good time to me. 

Before we get to any music, I want to point out that the album title sounds like we’re about watch out-takes and bloopers from Zak Bagan's Ghost Adventures...it’s an energy I live for, and I hope the album lives up to this. Pass me a Ouija board, I want to roast a demon! I jest. We open up with “Left Hand Path Symphony” and it initially starts with an almost, punk-rock level of frenetic urgency, before we get more familiar electronic key notes, giving it a sort of, house of horrors vibe. This is up-beat and intense, especially as vocalist King Aleister Satan tears his way through the track with his throat scorching scowls. It wonderfully blends an impatient aggressiveness with impressively streamlined pop-hooks and the combination really works. A strong start this. 

This is immediately followed by “The Faces Of The Devil” and in terms of aesthetic and energy level, we’re on par, and they’re blistering through this. We’re treated to some more distinct, classic rock inspired 6-string work with the guitar solo, which stands out from the techno, blast-beat-bombardment, but it complements the track, as opposed to sounding out of place. “Human Sacrifice” is something I will also endorse (And the track is alright too) ...as keyboardist Kate Boss gets to wrap her vocals around this one, and her super smooth, innocent harmonies sound positively angelic compared to the back-drop of unapologetic metal, resulting in quite the dramatic listening experience. 

If things haven’t impressed you by this point, then, and quite appropriately, we get “This Is Where The Magick Happens” and it’s easily the albums stand-out track. For an industrial-tinged sub-genre of metal this has no right being this catchy. Stylistically, little differs it from the above, but there’s a positivity and bounce to this and you can easily imagine this being insanely good at a live show, as its borderline anthemic in its own right. A fantastically fun track this.  

As much fun as we’re having however, there are a few niggling issues to address with a couple of the tracks. “The Pagan Satan” for example, makes use of subtle, folk horror feels, but despite moments of guitar work, it plods along methodically, and the almost spoken-word vocal delivery reminds you of “The Hessian” by VALLENBROSA, though sadly not as enjoyable. “Spiritual Anarchy ‘22” while being fun musically, has these, almost Elmo-esque vocal samples and it detracts from an otherwise O.K track. Closing track then “Outro (Clowning Is A Serious Business)” on face value looks like it’d fit right in with the type of drivel INSANE CLOWN POSSE would spout, or even BIG DUMB FACE...either way it’s an absolute nothing-track, complete waste of time and three minutes of your life you’ll never get back.  

Ultimately, while they’ve retained elements from their debut, with them still combining those coarse, metal elements with the more synth-heavy notes, they’ve toned back on the industrial/EDM aspects of their sound and delivered more of a straight-up, hard hitting heavy rock record. Does that matter? No, because King Satan have still delivered another solid record that’s well worth checking out. Occult spiritual anarchy? It’s the kind of fun you’d risk getting burnt at the stake for. [7] 
WWW.KINGSATAN.NET
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Popping666Cherries - "Heaven & Hell" EP

6/3/2022

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Finding and, in-turn writing about new bands, isn’t necessarily always about the music... it allows you to discover, and thus learn about new places as well. For instance, today we’ll be taking a little field trip up into Scotland, and more specifically, a town called Troon. 

A quiet coastal town situated in West Ayrshire, it’s a place you’ve probably heard of if you’re a fan of golf, with it not only having the Royal Troon Golf Course, which occasionally hosts the Open Championship, but it’s the birthplace of Colin Montgomerie; one of the most successful to ever swing a golf club. Other than that? Well...aside from a couple of footballers, it’s fair to say that it’s not exactly a place that comes to mind about...anything. Especially music. Can today’s band change that? 

Let me introduce you to POPPING666CHERRIES. Now before we even press play, we have to address this name...we all know that’s there’s a certain sense of edgier appeal in this sort of thing; just look at the likes of ADOLF SATAN, or the majestically titled ANAL CUNT, but they roll off the tongue a lot easier. Merely SAYING Popping666Cherries, is frankly just as hard, as finding the 666 virgins on a Scottish council estate to begin with. Speaking of council estates...the cover art for their latest EP “Heaven & Hell” looks so bleak and desolate it makes Mad Max’s own dystopian post-apocalypse look like a day out in fucking Disneyland. I’m sure Crosbie Church and cemetery would have made for a far happier visual. Nevertheless, we have music to check out, and, they did ask nicely. 

The EP opens up with “Family Ties” and, musically this isn’t what I was expecting truth be told. It’s got quite a light, almost bubbly electronic aesthetic...it sounds like it’s been plucked right out of that, early, proto-goth experimental era, combining the likes of NEW ORDER with the most subtle of industrial underlays. It’s honestly not unpleasant, until we get to vocalist Gwen Smith, that is. Her vocals are at such a juxtaposition here with the music it takes you a minute to let it sink in. Her incredibly gruff, almost spoken-word delivery does little but clash with the up-beat instrumentation and it’s bordering on off-putting, but we’ll see where this goes. 

We follow this with arguably the EP’s two strongest offerings; “Candyman” and “GSquad”. The former, while realistically drawn out at just shy of five minutes, musically, does make good use of those 80’s post-punk influences, and its strength is in Its simplicity. The rhythm here, coupled with the sharper electronic notes and indie-based guitar style is, instrumentally at least, quite catchy and could be utilised for a much better track. The latter then, takes those post-punk ideologies and indulges further in the darker, bass-rich soundscapes of say, SISTERS OF MERCY and again, could genuinely lay the foundations for a really good gothic-rock track. Sadly, it’s front-woman Gwen here who let’s everything down. I mean, in terms of her performance, it’s hard to put a finger on it. Imagine, like, hooking up an 8-Track cassette recorder directly to one of Lemmy’s lungs following his 1,000th Marlboro of the morning, while using South Park’s Ned Gerblansky as inspiration tonally, and instead of using an actual recording booth, it’s a sewer. 

The last two tracks then sadly act as nothing more than filler. “Over The Edge” does have its almost, 69 EYES inspired guitar tones from their formative gothic-rock years, think, “Framed In Blood” era, while closing track then “Fire And Desire” houses a much darker, blackened aesthetic when it gets going, which cushions the more lust-fuelled, almost seductively sacrificial, very sexual lyrics. There’s a strong BDSM vibe layered throughout the track but I truly believe even Pinhead himself would think twice... 

Ultimately, while I appreciate Gwen getting in touch for this, sadly this has for the most part, disappointed. There are plenty of moments over the course of the five tracks that hold great promise, as they’ve nailed that classic crossover sound of post-punk, early electronica and a dusting of industrial swarf, and that aspect of the band works just fine, but the vocals aren’t up to the task. The inspirations of ANNE RICE, EDGAR ALLAN POE, some of my own personal favourite bands, horror, mythology and hell even fetishism, told me I was potentially in for a great time with this EP, and I wanted to enjoy this so badly, but it wasn’t to be. We’ll end here on a more positive note though...cherry pips are a source of amygdalin, which your body converts to cyanide. Take those 666 cherry pips and chew them up nice and good before you listen to anymore. You can thank me when I bust out the Ouija board. [3] 
WWW.POPPING666CHERRIES.COM
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Junksista - "Fuck Your Pretty Face" EP

6/2/2022

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Pennywise the dancing clown...a trans-dimensional being that returns to Derry, Maine, every 27-years to feed upon the fear of the children, devouring them to a chorus of NENA’s “99 Red Balloons”...(I wish). The Creeper...a ferocious, cannibalistic, cryptid-esque humanoid monster, that roams the back roads of Northern Florida every 23-years, feeding on the unlucky chosen few, as it harvests their body parts to regenerate, and prolong its own necrotic existence. JUNKSISTA...a German alternative electro duo, that seemingly return every four years to challenge me musically and punch me right in the twat. Allow me to elaborate. 

Back in 2014, Diana Noir and Boog, who make-up Junksista, released an album by the name of “High Voltage Confessions”, and upon review I didn’t hesitate to confess my disdain for the utter cringeworthy lyricism. Most artists are, or can be, put-off by negative feedback, but credit to the duo, they came back in 2018 with “Promiscuous Tendencies”, and with a wink and a cheeky smile, they challenged me for round two, and I have to be honest, I was humbled. Now don’t get me wrong...the follow up wasn’t a masterpiece, but everything from the style instrumentally, more serious lyrics and production quality HAD improved, and they provided some genuinely catchy tracks. Now...in 2022, Diana has gotten in touch and forwarded me their brand-new EP, charmingly titled “Fuck Your Pretty Face”...let’s smear some makeup for round three. 

We open up with the title track and it’s got a fairly straightforward, pulsing electronic core, with only subtle guitar surges until the solo-effort, and really in ways it sort of combines the likes of, edgier, modern DEPECHE MODE with a more ambient NINE INCH NAILS. Lyrically it’s very simplistic, frankly repetitive, and it’s a clear dig at societies sense of, shallow, plastic materialism, especially in young women. Your make up looks lovely darling but there’s nothing beneath it, all style and no substance, stop following those “influencers” and stop living for likes. It does come across as personal, to be honest, but the raw honesty is appreciated. It isn’t JUST a song title, Diana is talking to you really quite directly, and if you feel attacked...well... 

Next up we have “Cravings”, and musically here we have another, really quite generic, run of the mill piece of, almost dark-wave, with certain notes reminding of pre-post-punk GOST. Lyrically, again, incredibly simple and minimal...given the bands back catalogue and knowing their penchant for the intimate, theses cravings are no doubt sexual, or sensual, and it is hinted at but not said directly. I think Diana wants to take the EP’s title quite literally but that’s all I’m going to say on the matter. Speaking of, there is a remix of said title track by PSY’AVIAH and frankly it brings very little to the table. It’s slightly rearranged, incorporates more of that dark-wave aesthetic and plods along just fine, but doesn’t inspire a great deal; it’s typical B-Side fodder essentially. 

This brings us to our closing track, and this was a genuine surprise. 1979 KISS classic “I Was Made For Loving You” gets the cover treatment, and what was a sort of, disco-rock / glam-funk crossover prototype, gets the cold, slow, chill-wave / dream pop treatment. It does work, and Junksista’s already established, often sexualised lyricism, allows this to not feel out of place at all. To be fair there are slight elements to this that could be fitting for a Bond theme to a degree, which is pretty prestigious in its own right.  

Ultimately, I have to say, I’m disappointed. The banter and rapport between myself and Diana over the last two records did admittedly lead to a certain sense of expectation; I was expecting to enjoy bits, wince at bits, maybe even shed a tear as I reach for my bottle of Jack Daniel’s, equally saddened and proud of being able to put my eardrums through such a barrage of potential absurdity...instead, this was a fairly safe, very minimal EP, especially lyrically. There was no twat punching, there were no whoopee cushions or questionable ice cream references...nothing. Somebody pass me a red balloon...I’m off to the sewer to play with Pennywise...he’s more fun. [5] 
WWW.JUNKSISTA.BANDCAMP.COM
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The Birthday Massacre - "Fascination"

31/1/2022

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Cast your mind back, if you will, to March 2020. This may only be a mere two years ago on paper, but Jesus does it feel like forever ago! It was around this time, that the Covid-19 / Coronavirus pandemic went into full gear and the world went into lockdown...a thing that frustratingly, we are STILL dealing with, and to many, it’s felt like someone’s hit the pause button on life.  

​Hopelessness aside, you may remember that around this time, Canadian dark-pop / synth-wave veterans THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE, had released their latest album “Diamonds”, and were excited to get back on that tour bus. Naturally, this didn’t go to plan, and despite the quality of the album itself, it almost felt like it couldn’t be properly celebrated, as many fans were now unable to enjoy these songs at live shows across North America and here in the UK.  

Fast forward to 2022 now, and having survived through ever changing and ever varying degrees of pandemic protocol, government teeter-tottering on their own frankly hypocritical regulations (I swear, it was NOT a party, it was an unexpectedly accidental, and somewhat coincidental gathering, of people who, just happened to be, very close friends and colleagues, who also, for some reason, all had alcoholic beverages and caviar Vol-Au-Vents), we find The Birthday Massacre back with another brand-new album; “Fascination”. Has the past two years of uncertainty and frustration fuelled this record creatively? Let’s find out... 

We open up with the title track, and the longest track of the album here, provides a certain sense of, dramatic grandiosity...in a good way. The almost angelic choir-esque vocal harmonies beautifully compliment the delicate, icy synths in the opening notes, and coupled with the deeper, yet sparse bass level electronic pulses, it’s musically a perfect combination. Add Chibi’s effortlessly innocent vocals to the mix, and you are instantly drawn into the album in an almost hypnotic manner.  

Following on directly from this we have the albums lead single “Dreams Of You” and we get some classic TBM. It’s simple, effective, electronic pop-rock and they continue to do it masterfully. It’s up-beat, bubbly and jovial and the band clearly still love what they do; it shines through tracks such as this one and it reminds us all just how polished and efficient the purple-clad Canadians are at churning out songs sweeter and stickier than maple syrup, and there’s plenty more where this came from... 

The track “Precious Hearts” channels a certain old-school TBM vibe that harnesses synths akin to their “Video Kid” era while utilising their ability to unleash more intense, crunching guitar parts. The riffs here aren’t technically challenging or even unique but they use the heaviness well and it just fits perfectly. The minimal solo part in ways can be likened to fellow electronic rock veterans ORGY, and this whole thing is top-drawer. However, it isn’t even the best track on the record. “Like Fear, Like Love” is quite simply, incredible. I’ve talked on how TBM make it look so easy to churn out absolute belters like this, and this is a prime example. The catchy hooks, 80’s inspired darkened synth-wave, the soft, yet bold, emotive vocals; this is textbook and prove why they are among, if not THE best at what they do. It’s impossible to not find yourself moving in some way shape or form to this track...even if you’re a corpse.  

Appropriately then we eventually close on “The End Of All Stories” and it’s effective as a slower, more lulling piece of electronic dreamscape. To which may I add, the band are equally effective in delivering. As sombre and frankly emotional as this track feels aesthetically, it still manages to round things up on a high note somewhat oxymoronically. While it’s fun to go out with a bang, to set the mood, and atmosphere with a perfect ballad is equally as effective, and here it gives the album a wonderful sense of closure.  

Whether or not this would have been the same album The Birthday Massacre gave us if we didn’t have a pandemic, creatively, we will never know, but we have to respect the fact that, bands and touring artists all around the world, have been affected these last two years. Despite losing out on highly important touring income; through ticket sales and merchandise, they’ve doubled down and produced yet another slab of gothic-tinged melodic electro-pop beauty, and it deserves your attention. Regardless of your actual date of birth, “Fascination” comes out via METROPOLIS RECORDS on February 18th, so treat yourself to a second birthday, buy this album and show Chibi and co some love. [8] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/THEBIRTHDAYMASSACRE
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RuPaul - "Mamaru"

23/1/2022

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“Transvestites get...lumped into that weirdo grouping. There was a guy in the Bronx when I was in New York...he was living in a cave, like you do, and was coming out, shooting geese, a lot of weird things going on with him, and police found he had a collection of women's shoes. They said ‘He’s a transvestite’...but he’s a WEIRDO transvestite. I’m much more of an EXECUTIVE transvestite...” - EDDIE IZZARD, live from AL-CA-TRAAAAAAAZZZZ during “Dressed To Kill”, 1999. 

Going back well over twenty years, Eddie Izzard, as a highly regarded stand-up comedian, was at the forefront of pushing boundaries, with his eccentric and often provocative cross-dressing persona, but even so, back then, he was able to use that to laugh at both himself and the topic itself, as it was still a subject or, an idea reduced to cheap laughs, or frowned upon by certain non-liberals.  

Nowadays, in 2022, while the world still has its detractors, the idea of simply cross-dressing, is far, far more commonplace and accepted in a far more woke generation. While some people argue certain agendas, push their own sense of toxic masculinity, misunderstanding, prejudice and display close-minded tendencies, LGTBQ+ culture is flourishing, wherever you find yourself along the rainbow. If anything reinforces this, it’s the booming popularity of RUPAUL.  

The drag race phenomenon has grown, and grown, and grown Stateside, in that same time-frame. Bigger, brighter, bolder on mainstream streaming networks, and culturally in society...but what I DIDN’T know...was that RuPaul released music. The question is, am I afraid to absolutely slate this music, purely FOR the music that it is, knowing that certain people are going think that I’m criticizing the community, NOT the music? Am I fuck...this is “Mamaru”...pass the Jack Daniels... 

The album opens up with “Just What They Want”, and when I say this is arguably as good as this gets, don’t take that as a positive. This is in fact not what I want at all. I know RuPaul is a coloured 61-year-old gentleman, but I have to make that white-rapper analogy. EMINEM joked about white boys thinking they could rap, following his popularity (He earned that through legitimate eloquent skill may I add), but most of us sound clueless, off-beat, and cringeworthy with our rhymes and flows...this sound’s nearly as bad as your local council estate rap wannabe. Cool fam’ you wear Nike Air’s off of the back of a lorry and your mum shops at a food bank? Sit down you clown. Get the idea? There are subtle BRITNEY SPEARS nods to “Work Bitch” but this is SO early 90’s it’s unreal...the general dance-inspired R’n’B beats give this sleazy strip club vibes, or at BEST Kooler’s nights in Merthyr Tydfil. Wipe your feet on the way out like... 

We’ve got a collab then courtesy of SKELTAL KI on the track “Catwalk” and this is frankly less offensive to your sense of hearing. The whole thing has been slowed down in tone and tempo, allowing for a more sultry, semi-soulful piece of slow-jam R’n’B, while the autotune-rich rich vocals accompany the synth-heavy instrumentation, and it’s far, far smoother in production. There is a reprise of this track further down the playlist but, like an actual cat, my interest is long-gone by this point, got more important things to do like, nap, and judge everything around me.  

Speaking of judging things, we have the track “Smile”...and oh god...this is more grimace than anything else. Ironically the message here is one incredibly positive one, “Fix your face, fix your life you can start with a smile”...small steps to a more, happier, wholesome existence...clearly, they haven’t heard this song. The electronic pop is intertwined with hip-hop beats and the autotune by this point is sickly...it’s like, fucking SEGA produced the track truth be told...Chronic the Hedgehog if you will. This then, is something the album wrestles with over Its 10-track run time. 

The whole thing from a production standpoint, is boisterous, loud and brash. While there are genres that CAN get away with it, such as say, aggressive punk, for example, where it’s meant to be challenging, make you think, make you question...this is just an absolute clusterfuck. The layering and instrumentation is headache-inducing, and over the course of its half an hour run-time, despite whatever positive messages or, inspirational content Ru is channelling through this creative outlet, however much of an icon he is to a demographic, or target audience, musically, on make-up smothered face-value, this is messier than a bin-full of post catwalk wet-wipes. Forget drag Queen...this album was dragged through a hedge backwards. [2] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/RUPAUL
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The Weeknd - "Dawn FM"

16/1/2022

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I want to take a minute, if I may, to talk about catfishing. No, we’re not about to join Jeremy Wade on some, Kaiju-sized fishing adventure in the back rivers of deepest, darkest Asia; we’re talking about being deceived. By definition, catfishing is “the process of luring someone into a relationship by means of a fictional online persona”, and that’s exactly how I view today’s artist; THE WEEKND.  

The Canadian singer and producer (Real name Abel Makkonen Tesfaye) was on my radar in 2016 with “Starboy”, but it was the unavoidably catchy hit single “Blinding Lights” in 2020 that actually made me listen. And it’s here I feel cat-fished. The track was such an up-beat, synth-driven masterpiece of simple, energetic, modern pop, you couldn’t help but love it; I was on board. Such a hit surely suggested the album had SOME more of the same? “After Hours” was in fact, instead, nearly an hour of consistently disappointing boredom. Never mind blinding lights, I wanted to punch his lights out! 

2022 now finds The Weeknd kicking off the new year with his follow up album “Dawn FM”...and as we’re about to check it out, let it be known that my expectations are low. With that being said however, let me just caveat this. It could quite possibly be, that, I enjoyed one stand-alone track so much, that I’ve not given the artist a true chance; to know their actual style, background and influences...perhaps...anyway...let’s tune into “Dawn FM”. 

The album kicks off with the title track and low and behold, it’s an intro piece. There are some sweet, ambient keys, birds chirping and soft electronic notes over The Weeknd’s gentle, highly autotuned vocals, yet it’s quite deep in its fleeting run-time, speaking of the fear and uncertainty of solitude, but, also the understanding and awareness that, somethings are to be done alone. It’s the beginning of a new journey here, and whatever the conditions, we’re in for a ride. 

First track proper then, is the single “Gasoline” and musically, it’s quite a bubbly little piece of, shoegaze inspired synth-pop, with gentle percussion, and an overall sense of minimalism. It’s quirky in its own ways on face value, but it’s lyrically where the track becomes grittier. Here he openly refers to his own demons, and battles with substance abuse, and how he’s very aware of his own mortality. He’s really quite ok with the notion of, if he does manage to overdose and die in his sleep, so be it, but he does want to find faith in himself to not suffer such fate; he sounds...torn? 

He continues somewhat strongly then, as we get “How Do I Make You Love Me?”, which stylistically is similar. Instrumentally we get more of the retro synth-wave taking centre-stage while the percussion remains restrained, as he sings, almost vulnerably about slight insecurities. There’s an uncertainty over his own self-confidence, in ways continuing on from the previous track; he’s incredibly self-aware regarding, potential flaws, but at the same time, deep down knows he can bring out the best in you...a sort of, help me help you situation emotionally, and mentally. This transitions very smoothly then into “Take My Breath” which is again, musically in the same vein. My only issue here is, the track is unnecessarily drawn out, and those drawn-out bits, musically, give me PTSD, as they very much remind me of a certain remix by one COREY FELDMAN for his track “Ascension Millennium” …and we’re not going THERE again... 

For the most part then, the remainder of the album, at sixteen tracks in total, is quite consistent in its tone and delivery, and it sadly, as a listening experience becomes a little flat. The vocal delivery is smooth and harmonious, as he does have a very clean, soulful style, and he sings well, and lyrically, he’s a very honest storyteller in his song writing, but at face value, nothing truly leaps out at you from this album.  There are some brief appearances from TYLER, THE CREATOR and LIL’ WAYNE that add a hint of diversity in the vocal presentation, but overall, this is a very subtle album about reflection, and the journey has been quite the personal one. Some enjoyable moments, but truthfully, “Dawn FM” isn’t worth getting up early for. [4] 
WWW.THEWEEKND.COM
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Kat Von D - "Love Made Me Do It"

26/12/2021

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I’d like to, if I may, to take a short minute, to talk about KAT VON D. Now, a lot of you are probably going to be aware, that she is primarily famous for her position on the acclaimed reality show "LA Ink", where she cemented herself as a world-renowned tattoo artist and colourful personality (Despite her ironic preference for black & white portrait ink). This position led her into a world of glitz and glamour with her celebrity clientele, and over the number of seasons she co-starred in the show, her name grew and grew.  

With her high-profile connections and her name in the spotlight, over the years she expanded her business and brand portfolio from not only tattoo and body art, but into a prolific make-up career, where she championed vegan make-up, being a devout animal lover (No animal testing for those confused, no bunnies in slutty lipstick), to yes...even singing.  

Now...don’t get me wrong; just because you are admittedly very talented at one thing, and have been able to grow a successful following with another, doesn’t mean EVERYTHING is going to work. Hypothetically at least. To make this point, her appearance on “Rosary Blue” by THE 69 EYES wasn’t exactly spectacular back in 2012, but is it fair to judge a person's singing career on one niche bonus track? 2021 saw Kat release her debut solo album, by the name of “Love Made Me Do It” …let’s see what it took her nine years to get up to.... 

The album opens up with “Intro”; the most original of opening tracks, and, it’s your typical purely instrumental introduction that’s designed to create a sense of suspense and intrigue. Though, to be fair, the deep, chilling synths here give off a very “Stranger Things” vibe. I swear that TV show’s intro was so good it’s become a standard bearer to this exact sort of synth driven instrumentation. First track proper then; “Vanish” follows in the same vein as the aforementioned 69 Eyes collaboration. It’s a hushed, delicate piano piece with Kat’s vocals sounding husky, raspy and vulnerable, as she sings about her fears towards being able to love. It’s quite a solemn, self-depreciating track and really quite deep in its self-reflection to be fair, and an emotionally powerful start.  

Lyrically, Kat can remain subtly negative in certain aspects but credit to her, despite this, she’s released a selection of absolute bops, and we’ll start with “Exorcism”. The percussion rich retro synths give this a wonderfully new-wave throwback, and the chorus is on another level. The almost spoken-word delivery of the track's vocals allows for the harmonious notes to shine through, and for all intents and purposes this is a brilliant pop song.  

This is continued with “Lost At Sea” which instrumentally channels the same energy electronically as say, WILLIAM CONTROL, and the throwback vibes are strong here. The chorus feels like an eruption of frustrations as Kat sings the tracks title, amidst a barrage of more intense guitar and drum work and the whole piece just feels like, more of the frenetic advocation of her own mental state and wellbeing. The string work adds taste and maturity to the overall message and it’s like a real sense of reflection, sung with honesty and it’s applaudable.  

Album highlight then “Pretending” is simply superb...the 80’s-rich electronic pop harks back to the likes of ULTRAVOX and A FLOCK OF SEAGULLS and yet again, the chorus here is one of the catchiest things you will hear this year. This is modern new wave pop at its very best and once again the simplicity of a catchy-ass chorus, along with the nostalgic vibes of early new romanticism allow this to be a legit tune; this is a flawless, faultless pop track and all of the applause needs to go to Kat for delivering this. There are other efforts such as “Enough” which channel the likes of THE CURE, and even "Protected" featuring PETER MURPHY of BAUHAUS no less, but to be fair, we’ve peaked. 

While not being a complete sweep, with the likes of “Interlude” being ultimately pointless, and “I Am Nothing” returning to that solemn, hushed slow-jam effort, it’s not an entirely fun-filled record. Obviously, the tracks that stand out do so on their own merit, and each to their own, but to lose the intro and interlude cliches would save some time, and it’s only a shame that Kat indulged in more of the slower offerings, knowing what she is capable of as a pop star it turns out.  

Don’t get me wrong, the album as a whole, is impressive and wasn’t what I was expecting following the 69 Eyes collaboration, but I’m glad it’s gone this way. Few modern pop artists correctly mix modern production with the aesthetic of their own 80’s influences and too often it becomes cliché, but with Kat not being a renowned musician, the expectation was non-existent, and her tracks have sounded fresh as a result. It’s not a perfect album start to finish, but it’s a brilliant nostalgia trip, and a great gateway for some of y’all younglings to take an interest in some classic 80’s electronic pop. Love apparently made her do it, I just hope she does it again...[7] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/KATVOND
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Ist Ist - "The Art Of Lying"

16/12/2021

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We’re approaching the end of 2021, but, despite the best* efforts of many a government (Sarcasm), most things haven’t changed since the shit-show that was 2020. Things have arguably eased up, yes, however, the controversy and conspiracies surrounding the whole Covid issue and it’s resulting 5G vaccines are ever present. There’s backlash over the “rules”; some for one group, some for others (Typical Conservative Party hypocrisy of course), booster jabs, passports and general shithousery. The whole situation remains a joke quite frankly.  

There were and have been positives to take from the past 12 to 24 months however. Yes, despite lockdowns, millions being put on furlough schemes (Not going to lie, I enjoyed 3 months off paid) and ok, the Coronavirus itself, there has been plenty to keep us going, especially in the form of new music, and that brings us to today's band.  

​Every year, I tend to personally discover at least one new band that really catches my ear, and for 2020 I have to give the credit to my good friend and gig partner James Oakley, for introducing me to IST IST. The Manchester-based quartet, consisting of vocalist/guitarist Adam Houghton, bassist Andy Keating, guitarist/keyboardist Mat Peters and drummer Joel Kay, had released their debut album “Architecture” and it properly excited this reviewer. With a synth layered dose of lively yet, vocally deep, indie-rock based post-punk, they captured the sounds of JOY DIVISION, EDITORS and WHITE LIES and I was hooked. In the year that's passed, having seen them perform in the Manchester Academy while socially distancing, and seeing them in the Louisiana, Bristol, in some tiny upstairs pub room, everything BUT socially distancing, it’s fair to say I am beyond excited for their sophomore album, “The Art Of Lying”...let’s check it out. 

The album kicks off with “Listening Through The Walls” and on face value I’m all for the creepy, psychological chiller vibe the title insinuates. Just imagining some nutcase living in your crawl space bopping along to your new Ist Ist album before he kills you in your sleep. Lovely. It’s actually quite a sullen, slow start with a somewhat deflated tone. The percussion sounds like it’s emotionally given up and there’s a real feeling of sorrow to these synths. It makes for an interesting opening track in sense of timbre, as we lead into “Fat Cats Drown In Milk”, and this is more like it. 

The new-wave / post-punk, bass led simplicity of this brand of dark indie-rock, is the sound we’ve come used to and it’s a sound the band excel at. The synths here are restrained to no more than a subtle layering, adding character, and aside from this the tempo changes and musical surges are kept almost reined in, teasing the listener in ways, and it works because you want to hear the lads unleash. 

Next up we get the Chuckle Brothers on a bad case of paranoia courtesy of “Watching You Watching Me”...or...NEIL DIAMOND when he was simply stalking Caroline prior to touching her. I jest. The track is a pleasantly bouncy effort which channels the likes of THE CURE in some aspects, as there’s a soft, flowing synth melody countering the pacey cymbal-led percussion and it somehow manages to sound equally upbeat yet downtrodden. Those crunchy bass chords in the bridge too just give this an extra layer of swagger and it’s really enjoyable. 

The first album gave us reason to expect bops aplenty and we’ve got some more here to sift through. “The Waves” retains their simplistic lyrical approach, but the guitar work takes the forefront here and chorus hook is just something else. The tempo here ebbs and flows just like the tide and it acts as a metaphor in its own ways, for the waves may seem chaotic at times, noisy, disruptive, but there’s a calm beneath them, and it can be taken emotionally and mentally, positively and negatively in terms of your well-being. It’s quite a reflective track this. “Extreme Greed” returns to the more 80’s-inspired synth-rich new wave pop, while “It Stops When It Starts” harks back to those slightly darker, grittier post-punk days, and both styles work. 

While there are slower, more morose offerings here like the ironically titled “Don’t Go Gentle”, we find a band here, not departing too far from their debut, more so fine tuning their sound and continuing to find their feet as songwriters. All of the aforementioned bands above in their own ways sum up the style and aesthetic of Ist Ist’s music and lyricism; the simple yet meaningful, the deep, dark, yet, hopeful aura of their sound is the appeal, and they are one of the UK’s brightest bands at this very moment in time. “The Art Of Lying” is a solid follow-up, and I’d be lying to you all if I didn’t tell you Ist Ist were worth checking out. Now go buy your own copy and stop listening through MY walls ya’ cheeky bastard! [7] 
WWW.ISTISTMUSIC.COM
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Electric Six - "Streets Of Gold"

23/11/2021

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Most bands, however successful, are just as partial to a cheeky cover track, as you and the lads are partial to a cheeky Nando’s. Mind you, like Nando’s own scale of spicy sauces, some covers might hit the spot, some will make you want to shit ON the spot. Just recently I applauded DAVE GAHAN’s hauntingly beautiful cover of METALLICA’s “Nothing Else Matters”...I will never NOT be in love with HIM’s cover of “Wicked Game”...and JOHNNY CASH’s “Hurt” is simply tear-jerking...in a good way.  

On the flip side then, you have, say... MARILYN MANSON, who’s covers mostly sound like the rejected pile, from the already rejected pile, from BTEC talent show auditions from Wheretheactualfuckistan, that weren’t even so bad they were amusing. Sweet dreams are in fact made, when you are NOT butchering the EURYTHMICS thank you Mazza. 

This then brings us to ELECTRIC SIX. The Detroit alt./experimental rockers, while renowned for their 2003 hits “Gay Bar” and “Danger! High Voltage”, are recording and touring machines. Dick Valentine and co almost never stop, especially Dick...Dick just keeps on going...*Cough* excuse me. Honestly though, they’re in double digits with their albums and almost live on the road.  

While they throw a cover of THE OSMONDS hit “Crazy Horses” into the mix occasionally, their only real cover of any notoriety came when they released QUEEN’s classic “Radio Gaga”, which stirred up some mild controversy...other than that, they’re as original as they come. So, it’s surprising then, that 2021 finds the dance commanders releasing “Streets Of Gold” via Cleopatra Records...an entire album’s worth of covers! The trouble is with Electric Six...what the hell can we expect? Let’s find out... 

The album opens up with a version of “Don’t Change”, which was originally a 1982 hit for Australian rockers INXS...and musically it’s kept somewhat loyal to the original. It’s got the synth driven opening and characteristics, and remains upbeat; it’s a fun little track 40 years on, though Dick’s own vocal twang gives the track a slightly different feel. It’s the kind of track you can easily see the band having fun with live, and it’s a fairly decent start. Next up, we have a cut from one ROKY ERIKSON...and last time we crossed paths with him, it was courtesy of GHOST covering “If You Have Ghosts”, which was in fact superb. Here, we have a take on his 1981 effort “Click Your Fingers Applauding The Play”, and the rough-edged psychedelic-tinged, classic rock frankly suits Electric Six perfectly. The soft gallop of the guitar and especially the lyrical structure benefit Dick’s own style, and a cover such as this simply makes sense. Even if the high notes are questionable...like, Barry Gibb stepping on Lego... 

For a band as eccentric as Electric Six, it's easy to assume there must be some properly deranged, obscure cuts here making up this compilation of covers, but to be fair they’ve included some big names. ALICE COOPER gets a nod with a cover of “No More Mr. Nice Guy” and again, tonally, it’s fairly true to the original instrumentally. It retains a classic, semi-glam rock aesthetic and the simplicity of the track enables the band to just, have fun performing a track they enjoy. We get a track from KISS; “Strutter”...and I just want it to be known, they are the ultimate catfish band. You look at Kiss, and expect something like, VENOM...something hellish and visceral, but then you remember only Gene Simmons looks demonic, the others just look like a bunch of face painted spandex-clad twats. I digress, this version is better. Enough said. 

Some questions DO have to be asked though...as we get Dick Valentine wrapping his vocals around “Little Lies” by FLEETWOOD MAC, which is arguably one of the sweetest songs ever written. There are soft vocal harmonies with delicate synths layered throughout, giving an almost childlike innocence, that are balanced by some adequate guitar surges through the chorus, but Dick hasn’t got the voice to REALLY pull this off. Sure, it’s fun, and you can’t not enjoy this song, but sadly this isn’t a patch on the original. Our lead single then...”Yah Mo B There”...by JAMES INGRAM sounds like, the most, recherché of all possible options given the aforementioned, but it works! The classic, synth driven, funk-led R’n’B leans heavily towards Electric Six’s general output. A tad annoying, don’t get me wrong, but it works. 

Overall, this collection of tracks is equally interesting as it is enjoyable. There are certain tracks that the band have adapted well, and some that don’t quite sit right with their established sound, but it makes for an adventure as much as it does a listen. It gives you more of an idea of where Electric Six formed; as the funky, jazz-fuelled, glam rock is a style they’ve been fine tuning and owning since those days of “Fire” etc. More of a bonus treat for the long-term die-hards than anything else; it’s got its moments but there are several more important records to start with if you are new to Electric Six. Either way, the band continue life on the road in the UK this December, and, yeah...yah mo B there...[5] 
WWW.ELECTRICSIX.COM
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Spice Girls - "Spice: 25th Anniversary"

13/11/2021

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Pop music, however you look at it, rules the world. Let’s put personal tastes, genre bias and judgement to one side for just a moment, and just accept, that despite its all too often disposable, manufactured nature, its commercial viability and mainstream appeal dominates the airwaves. You’ll be all too familiar with radio stations churning out the same songs by the same artists, I mean, who ISN’T sick of hearing the same 5 track playlist on repeat day after day?  

While I can scoff at the plethora of copy and paste performers heard nowadays; they follow the publicity, the market trends, and they succeed, and it’s like, upon reflection, every generation seemingly has it’s chosen artist or group; whether it’s LEWIS CAPALDI or ONE DIRECTION for example. This brings us to the mid-to-late 90’s, and more specifically the SPICE GIRLS, and THEY, were a legit phenomenon. Formed by talent managers Bob and Chris Herbert, they literally put a call out for auditions for a blatantly manufactured ‘girl band’, purely to contrast the boyband dominated pop scene. Young girls were swooning over the likes of *NSYNC, TAKE THAT, THE BACKSTREET BOYS left right and centre, but young girls didn’t have many role models and women to look up to in pop music. This was about to change. 

The Spice Girls consisted individually of Baby Spice (Emma Bunton), Ginger Spice (Ed Sheeran, sorry, no, Geri Halliwell), Scary Spice (Melanie B), Posh Spice (Victoria Adams), and Sporty Spice (Melanie C), and as mish mash as their aliases were, they showed true diversity not only in vocal performance, but in character and presentation, and gave young girls confidence to be themselves, birthing the ‘Girl Power' revolution. They sold millions of records worldwide and are arguably the biggest, most successful girl band of all time. 2021 happens to be the 25th anniversary of their ground-breaking debut album; “Spice”...an album I remember owning on cassette as well as CD...let’s take a trip down memory lane, and see how well this has aged... 

The album opens up with their debut single “Wannabe” and oh boy...this either triggers a sense of happy nostalgia, or PTSD from school discos, there is no in-between. The video highlights the aforementioned points about individuality perfectly, as it hammers home their difference in style and dress sense, alongside their separate vocal contributions. They are very much together as a performing unit, in sync and rehearsed, but there is a uniqueness to each of them, and that gave them their edge. Though to be fair Posh seemed to just tag along here with zero stand out contributions. It’s an iconic track and a real earworm, despite how utterly annoying the bulk of the track is, but it was this catchy simplicity that got people's attention...we were hooked...like the unofficial 6th member; smoking spice. 

The rest of the album had its fair share of hit singles, and you’ll be as familiar with all of them to be frank. “Say You’ll Be There” houses it’s sultry, electro-tinged pop elements that accompany the quite Tarantino-esque music video...PVC-clad, ninja bitches in the desert, pleading for relationship equality essentially. The harmonica solo is SO out of the blue it makes the track truth be told, but in all seriousness, they just wanted guys to not be dicks back in 1996...guys still don’t listen. Sort yourselves out guys! Mel C can literally kick you in the face! 

A lot of the 90’s was littered with a sense of throwback funk, as genres evolved and transitioned through dance and rave etc, and nothing highlights this more than “Who Do You Think You Are?”...the up-beat, clap-along percussion with brass instrumentation, group vocal harmonies and dance-hall tempo highlighted just how fun pop music could be. I don’t care if you live in a cave and exclusively listen to doom metal, I challenge you to listen to this and not vibe. Honestly, you’d have to be soulless. The Spice Girls weren’t all about chaotic fun however, as they were equally adept at dropping some superb ballads.
  
The acoustic driven melodies of “Mama” while quaint, are backed by subtle DJ record scratches and a certain sense of swagger with the almost proto-trap beat, and it’s one of the sweetest, most innocent tracks you’ll ever hear. We’ve all been there; you grow up, you want to do your own thing, you rebel a bit, and you may get into trouble here and there, but this track tackles an apologetic maturity with gospel backing and it’s genuinely lovely. As generations come and go, this song is timeless. Speaking of, we have ...”2 Become 1”...the soft, string-led romantic ballad garnered the Spice Girls the coveted UK Christmas Number 1 in the Top 40 Charts and cemented them as superstars. The change in pace and instrumentation showcased their tender side, a more mature side and proved they had all of the tools to succeed, and were far from one trick ponies. The sexual tones of the track were played tastefully here, unlike say, CARDI B with “WAP”, and despite the obvious suggestive lyricism, with even nods to contraception, which as young 90’s children we were naïve to, it’s not in your face and blatantly slutty. Tastefully done ladies. 

There are non-released tracks like “Love Thing” and “Naked”, but given the strength of the singles, these are reduced to filler quite frankly, and it’s a 50/50 album at best...however...that 50% rocketed Spice Girls into the stratosphere of pop culture, musical history, relevance and importance for the worlds following generations. Everyone from ADELE, CHARLI XCX and BILLIE EILISH have taken influence from the English quintet. People might think back on the Spice Girls now with a cringeworthy mindset, scoff at them, mock them...but they’re as an important part of pop music as ELVIS is to rock ‘n’ roll, as BLACK SABBATH are to metal...styles change, tastes change, but The Spice Girls left a legacy, and admit it or not, they spiced up your life...though that’s a story for 2022. [7] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/SPICEGIRLS
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Tarja: Singing In My Blood

8/11/2021

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Earlier this year, Finnish symphonic metal titans NIGHTWISH re-released a remastered edition of their standard bearing album "Once", which I had the privilege of reviewing for the team over at ALL ABOUT THE ROCK (Read the review here).

The bands most commercially successful album to date, it not only cemented their  status as genre leaders, but it proved without a shadow of a doubt, that TARJA TURUNEN was one of the most talented and important presences in modern metal. The classically trained operatic vocalist set the benchmark and raised the bar for symphonic metal vocals, and she won over legions of fans during her tenure at the bands height in popularity.

On November 4th, Tarja released "Singing In My Blood"; a specially crafted, illustrated collection of stories and memories of her career to date, recollecting her favourite memories and milestones in her musical career, where she pens her own thoughts and feelings on her musical upbringing, her growth as a vocalist, performer and fame, courtesy of some soul-searching and reflection. With not one but two hardback editions, including a signature edition, which features exclusive prints, it's one for both collectors and die hard Tarja / Nightwish fans, and will certainly complete many collections. Order yours now via the link button below at WWW.TARJABOOK.COM!

Tarja says: ‘Singing is in my blood. Ever since I was a little girl, I have enjoyed performing ... but not being able to be on stage in 2020 I spent a lot of time looking through photo albums, seeing all those happy scenes of childhood, growing up and making music, getting to know my fans and travel the world recording and performing, having fun; those memories fill this book’.

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WWW.TARJABOOK.COM
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Limp Bizkit - "Still Sucks"

7/11/2021

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We need to address the elephant in the room...and ironically that just so happens to be “Stampede Of The Disco Elephants”. This was, for the longest time, reportedly the working title for LIMP BIZKIT’s follow up to 2011’s “Gold Cobra”, but over the course of the past decade, suggesting that it’s been in production purgatory would be a massive understatement. 

The nu-metal veterans left their long-time label Interscope around this time, to eventually join Cash Money Records; and the initial stand-alone single “Ready To Go” with LIL WAYNE was hugely encouraging, but despite a few sparse, random releases, the band seemingly lost all sense of direction and momentum and for all intents and purposes, they disappeared.  

Now we find ourselves in 2021, and oh how the times have changed. While they were once world beaters, chart topping titans of the alternative music scene...they became a joke in the eyes of the metal community. A musical meme if you will, and at best they turned into a guilty pleasure. Lost in the youthful, angst-ridden memories of days gone by, we thought we’d seen the last of the Bizkit. Oh, how we were wrong. On October 31st, Halloween of all occasions, they dropped the long-awaited album, under the new title of “Still Sucks”. With the time of year, we have to ask ourselves, will this be a trick, or a treat, and more importantly, did they ever truly suck to begin with? Let’s find out... 

The album opens up with “Out Of Style” and a surprisingly philosophical intro, as Fred Durst’s first words are “We cannot change the past, but we CAN start today, to make a better tomorrow”, which sounds like he’s ready to sweep everything under the carpet. Wes Borland’s guitars here sound really dirty and disjointed, and it’s clear the suggestion of the track here is, all this time later, the band still sound unlike any other band on the planet; they're never IN style.  

Their unique approach to rock, metal and rap creatively was what sold them millions of records in the first place, and with nobody else doing it as well as Bizkit, then OR since, they were as out of style when they exploded then, as they are now all these years later, and they stand out all the more for it. It may double as a dig at the nu-metal genre as a whole, and the lack of respect it generally gets from the average metal fan, with pleading lines like “We should be on the same team, on the motherfucking same team, if we aint’ then we nothing”, it highlights the toxicity in the metal community. 

We have to talk about “Dad Vibes” ...this was the track that got everyone talking about Limp Bizkit again recently, as the band dropped it during a live show out of the blue, giving people the first hint at new music for a long time. Technically the albums lead single if you will, it’s underwhelming with its basic hip-hop aesthetic, with cymbal-rich percussion and only light guitar aspects, and to be honest more attention was paid to Fred Dursts appearance. Yes, it's all tongue in cheek as, now in his 50’s, Durst dressed up as uncool as possible to rap on stage, embracing how supposedly silly or cringeworthy people may think Bizkit are today, with the track acting like one giant metaphorical middle finger. 

These vibes as such are a general theme for this record as a whole, which at this point revels in its sense of self-depreciating irony. “Barnacle” is an incredibly catchy piece of grunge-heavy hard rock potentially aimed at bandwagon jumpers and those who hate on the band purely because it’s cool, you’re all barnacles, clinging on to whatever might be relevant. “Don’t Change” then harks back to their cover of “Behind Blue Eyes” with another wonderfully soft acoustic piece. The style really works for them as this proves yet again, and the mellow, gentler sound here is genuinely lovely. “Love The Hate” directly targets the naysayers with an incredibly self-aware cringe-riddled piece of back-and-forth rap. The whole track is cosplaying as the same fans who hate on the band, and with more than a mountain of irony they put themselves down while reminding you how little they care for your opinion. Absolute zero fucks given, the true Limp Bizkit way. 

In summation, that’s probably the best way to approach this album. Yes, it’s been a long time, and yes, we all know that Limp Bizkit can drop some absolute bangers, but if that’s what you’re going into this album looking for, then you’re going to be disappointed. I truly believe, the level of self-awareness that pebbledashes this album from start to finish is beyond intentional...as much as people slate the band, as irrelevant as people suggest the band are now, in less than a week the album has racked up millions of listens and streams having had zero promotion due to the fact, nobody fucking knew it was coming out. The interest and excitement was organic, and proved without a doubt, there will always be place in the world for Limp Bizkit. Will they follow this up with a more crafted, polished, serious album? Who knows, but let’s get one thing straight...Limp Bizkit have never sucked, and that is the unquestionable truth...which...wait that actually sucked. Damnit. [5]
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/LIMPBIZKIT
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Måneskin - "Teatro D'ira - Vol. 1"

30/10/2021

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It’s been a long time since I talked about Eurovision...granted this year the UK’s presence AND result, shared the same number of points as having a lifeguard at the Olympics for the swimming events. Zero. Talk about inadequate! (Ok, health and safety aside you get the point...unlike the UK) I digress. While I can laugh at the dumpster fire that is my own country right now, where there are losers, there are of course, winners, and if you recall, this year's honours went to Italy and their unexpected rock entrants MÅNESKIN.  

Formed in Rome in 2016, comprising of vocalist Damiano David, bassist Victoria De Angelis, guitarist Thomas Raggi and drummer Ethan Torchio, they rose to national prominence via Italy’s own version of The X Factor where they finished runners up in 2017, but they’ve grown in stature ever since. As rising stars in Italy, they not only won over Europe with their Eurovision track “Zitti E Buoni”, but they’ve also just landed their first slot on American tv, performing on “The Tonight Show” no less. Impressive stuff! Let’s catch up with the four-piece as we check out their 2021 mini-album “Teatro D’ira - Vol. 1” 

The album (Which I believe translates as “Theatre Of Wrath – Vol. 1”) kicks off with that Eurovision winner “Zitti E Buoni” which in turn translates to “Shut Up And Behave”, or there about. It’s easy to see why this did well in the Netherlands this year; the band have a real sense of swagger, combined with a classic rock flare and presentation wise are bonded with an almost sexual chemistry. It’s an up-tempo rocking piece with fast paced vocal delivery in their native Italian and it’s simply a fun track, regardless of if you understand it.  

Elsewhere we have “Lividi Sui Gomiti” which I think means something along the lines of “Bruises On Your Elbows”...and I can’t say that I have any form or context for this. Maybe they were fans of Macho Man Randy Savage, I don’t know. The track itself is another quickly semi-spoken offering in terms of vocal and lyrical delivery. It’s got a wonderfully smooth blues rock vibe within its twangy guitar tones and as it climaxes it exudes a sense of angst and frustration that rounds off the track well. “I Wanna Be Your Slave” then provides one of the select few English language tracks and it’s an interesting one. It’s incredibly rife with its intentional sense of juxtaposition, channelling a sense of internal struggle and identity crisis. With lyrics like “I wanna be a good boy / I wanna be a ganster” and “I wanna be a sinner / I wanna be a preacher” among others screams of an inner turmoil. Given how society is today with a lot more emphasis on transgender issues, rights and equality, this song lyrically, and its accompanying music video especially, can probably help many find or understand themselves. Risqué or down right offensive to some but bold and empowering to many. Support the latter folks.  

Elsewhere then we have the likes of “In Nome Del Padre” which I believe means “In The Name Of The Father” and it’s got that bluesy, almost southern rock vibe instrumentally, but the pacing of the Italian lyrics give this a certain frustrated edge, like it’s inspired by RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE in certain aspects. “Coraline” then simply reminds me of the stop-motion animation, and by that I obviously mean this should be another song silly! Forget buttons sewn into my eyes, use them to plug my ears! It’s more of an acoustic led piece. It does transition into some grittier guitar work but it fails to captivate.  

Overall, while having captured people's attention on a global scale, with some provocative videos and stage presence, plus a couple of energetic tunes, the band haven’t really unleashed any wrath so to speak, they’re all theatre. Granted to a mainstream audience the language barrier will cause some issues, but they are capable of delivering tunes in English too, which goes in their favour. They utilise classic hard rock aesthetics well and do have their own charm, and I’m sure they’ll be given chance to evolve having dipped their toes in American waters. Just as their name means Moonlight...they need the opportunity to fully glow. [6]
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/MANESKINOFFICIAL
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Billy Idol - "The Roadside" EP

16/10/2021

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MTV...it’s MEANT to stand for “Music Television”, if you can remember that. Nowadays it’s full of ten-a-penny reality TV shows, and original programming aimed at teenagers and young adults. Whatever that means. Stars are being “made” for their fifteen minutes of fame apiece, but they are entirely disposable. Not like the good old days.  

As I stated MTV was and should be all about the music, that was the entire point! It was a new media platform in the evolution of entertainment to provide artists with a means of promotion, creative freedom and advertisement, which you could enjoy all day from the comfort of your home WAY before the internet! Music videos were new, fresh and exciting, and it allowed bands to reach vast new audiences outside of radio.  

The initial wave of these artists would ultimately go down in history, as being pioneers; ground-breaking media personas, as being among the first, they were at the forefront of a new evolution in mainstream media attention, and one of those artists, was BILLY IDOL. Born in London as William Broad, Billy first found fame as part of underground punk outfit GENERATION-X before his solo career exploded in the early 80’s. Tracks such as “White Wedding” and “Rebel Yell” had cemented him as a bonafide punk rock poster boy; leather clad with his blonde hair, whiplash smile and cheeky charm; he was made for MTV. In 2021, we find Billy Idol revitalised, releasing his first original music since 2014; via an EP by the name of “The Roadside”. Are we stopping at the services for a quick Maccies en route or have we completely broken down with five flat tires and no phone service? Let’s find out... 

We’re going to have to start off by talking about “Bitter Taste”; the EP’s lead single and the focus point of Idol’s latest creative flurry. The track itself, conceptually, is centred around a motorcycle accident Idol was involved in back in 1990, which nearly cost him his life. It’s a heavily reflective track, that he likens to this past year or so of the pandemic. Lifestyles change, habits change, your entire way of life and way of thinking changes in face of uncertainty and, such incidents can mature you mentally and emotionally. The track musically is a sombre, acoustic heavy, semi-country inspired ballad, and you can not only hear, but feel the reflection and sentiment in Idol’s voice; in his lyrics and the overall delivery of the track as a whole. The subtle piano keys that litter the track sporadically add a quaint delicacy to the already soft recording, and they complement the gentle percussion and mellow acoustics, before we get a more frustrated flurry of more aggressive vocals towards the tracks climax. Deep in its sense of soul searching, it is a thing of beauty.  

But what else makes up the rest of the 4-track EP? It actually opens up with “Rita Hayworth” who, for those of you who don’t know, is an American actress who was prominent in the late 1930’s through the 1940’s, where she found herself as a popular pin-up girl for American GI’s. Topically the track mirrors Hayworth’s own personal struggles with Columbia Pictures with the soulless corporate political money trap Hollywood is today. Almost a piece of advice put to music, he sings “You’re swimmin’ with Jaws and this dream town will swallow you whole; you’re gonna’ need a bigger boat”. A sadly all too common remark towards the otherwise glamourized Hollywood lifestyle of fame and fortune. It eats people up and breaks people down. Set to a no-nonsense rocking piece of instrumentation with a solid groove and soaring gang vocal whoa’s, it’s a fun, up-beat bit of rock ‘n’ roll. 

​The second half of the EP is made up of “U Don’t Have To Kiss Me Like That”, which harks back to a jovial sense of late seventies / early 80’s glam rock that could quite easily appeal to fans of say T-REX and MARC BOLAN for example. It’s more of that era in aesthetic and highlights more of the early influences Idol would have been around growing up, before we finish up on “Baby Put Your Clothes Back On” which on paper, sounds like an absolute mood killer. It turns out that, that’s actually accurate. A slow jam of twangy guitars and mild percussion not unlike something CHRIS ISAAK would produce, it’s another reflective track about self-worth and emotional maturity that could easily thematically tie-in to the main narrative of “Bitter Taste”. It’s as if he harks back to when he realised there was more to life than fun times, girls and living fast and it’s quite humbling. 

With Idol’s last record, “Kings And Queens Of The Underground” being a trip down memory lane itself, here we see him continue to take inspiration from the past and using his memories and stories as a form of catharsis through his creative process. From a selfish point of view, we could all easily say we’d prefer a new full-length Billy Idol album, as it’s been so long, but the quality and honesty presented here more than makes up for it. As far as this EP goes, we are so glad you weren’t left by that roadside, as THAT, would have left a bitter taste. [9] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/BILLYIDOL
SPEAKING OF THE ROAD...BILLY IDOL makes his return to the UK in 2022 for a live arena tour, his first since 2018! The original rebellious poster boy hits six dates across the UK with special support from THE GO-GO'S to promote his new EP, as well as treating audiences to a plethora of classic hits and favourites. Tickets are available right now, via www.aegpresents.co.uk/events/detail/billy-idol - and to clarify, the dates and venues are as follows;

Saturday June 11th - Glasgow, SSE Hydro
Monday June 13th - Manchester, AO Arena
Wednesday June 15th - Birmingham, Resorts World Arena
Saturday June 18th - London, SSE Arena Wembley
Sunday June 19th - Cardiff, Motorpoint Arena
​Tuesday June 21st - Leeds, First Direct Arena

We hope to see you all at the roadside next Summer...you'll find me at Cardiff.
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    Gavin J Griffiths, a.k.a GavTheGothicChav, lover of new music and supporter of bands. Inspired by a mixture of horror and comedy, and fueled by a blend of alcohol and sarcasm...if you're a singer / in a band and would like a review written up, please do get in touch via the email address at the top of the page and I'll get back to you ASAP. Much love x

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