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Cathedral In Flames - "Hang Me High & Bury Me Deep"

9/9/2021

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Ok so... back at the end of 2019, transitioning into January 2020, you may remember I kicked off the new year with a piece of Prague-based modern post-punk, courtesy of a band by the name of CATHEDRAL IN FLAMES. They contacted me about their then new EP “Children Of The Blackest Hole”, asking for a review consideration, and if you recall, I praised their nostalgic, raw take on the genre and nods to icons like FIELDS OF THE NEPHILIM. 

Typically, regardless of the review itself (Be it positive or not so much) any band in question tends to say their thankyou’s for listening, for taking my time to write about their record etc, there will be the social media sharing, and that’s that...we move on... not Cathedral In Flames. I have to give them the utmost credit here as, for my time and kind words, they not only shipped me a vinyl copy of the EP, but the collectors coffin case with USB edition EP and commemorative lighter. The lighter even came with a mini cardboard Cathedral to set fire to! (The Cathedral is still in-tact by the way). This was one of the sweetest things they could have done...and I hate it. 

Alright so I don’t hate it, I was genuinely grateful, but now it puts me under a spot of pressure, as we catch up with them having released their debut album; “Hang Me High & Bury Me Deep”. Do I find any excuse under the desert Sun to panegyrize their latest release out of a sense of duty, or even guilt...or do I stay true to myself and take it on the face value like Little Caprice? I can’t believe I just googled “Top Czech Republic Porn Actresses” for the sake of an analogy. Anyway...let’s check it out and hopefully there will be no burying required. 

We open up with “Twilight Of The Goths” which looks to be a little take on Richard Wagner’s “Götterdämmerung”, or, “Twilight Of The Gods”; an Opera from the late 1800’s. The Opera itself was a German translation of the old Norse tale of Ragnarok, and the wars which ended in the cataclysmic destruction of the world. Will the track replicate such fantastical drama? Well it’s dramatic I’ll give you that much...the percussion and guitars here carry ample dark tones, with subtle synths, and the instrumentation takes more of a back seat for the dual vocals on display. Phil Lee Fall still has his well-gravelled tone that channels the likes of Nephilim, but while accompanied by the cleaner, clearer notes of Ambra Von Bernstein, gives this a more, SISTERS OF MERCY inspired flavour. Love us or hate us, we are the Goths, we don’t care. It’s a mission statement and a decent start. 

Next up we have promotional track “Black Train”...which, following on from the prior EP’s “Red Car”, makes we wonder if next time we’ll get a cover of “Yellow Submarine”? I digress. The track is more of the same, gritty, deep rumbling post-punk, utilizing all of the classic tropes of the genre, acting like a bit of a time capsule essentially. The chorus here has a simple yet effective hook, and overall it’s another fine track. Speaking of transportation, we also have “Drinking In The Car” which, listen folks, isn’t specifically drink driving, so I’ll allow it. It’s got a distinctly more, country-inspired, bluesy guitar twang to it, with the backing vocal harmonies creating an incredibly Western vibe. Is the car a saloon? Cars weren’t invented yet my friend...you may have been drinking on your horse. 

“Blame It To The Pain” then harbours a similar vibe to “Black Train” in it’s nostalgic approach and gentle chorus hooks for another album highlight, before we get into the rest of the album. Aside from a further stab at the previous EP’s title track, we get “Dia De Los Muertos” which is, of course, “Day Of The Dead” and put primary focus here on Ambra’s soft vocals for an audible departure in style. There’s more of an elegance to this track and while unexpected here, could be very well capitalized on for future releases. The title track, aka “Desperado” again blends together those early Gothic rock tendencies with semi-Western aesthetics to really hammer home the character of this bands style and sound, but at over 8-minutes long takes longer than a stare-down at high noon...which brings us to “1989”.  
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Not only the year I was born, but the year the film, “High Noon” was put into the first US batch of historically protected movies with cultural relevance...and the name of the worst song on this album. Don’t get me wrong, every Gothic album deserves some sort of piano ballad...on the assumption that, that album has Ville Valo on vocals. Phill here, has such a depressed , sometimes warbled baritone, it invokes near legit sadness in the listener. This is like when JOHNNY CASH performed “Hurt”...or, like, the final moments of IAN CURTIS. Even the most effrontery of emo’s will hold their emaciated limbs up to that and be like “Dude, cheer up”. 

While Cathedral In Flames have maintained their core sound and overall style, continuing to pay homage to the grandfathers of Goth as we know it, they’ve not been afraid to dabble a little here and there with different instrumental approaches, and it’s hasn’t fired on all cylinders for them on this occasion. I know I’m mentioning “1989” again, but that should have been given to Ambra. The Goth rock is fine where it’s been presented, but the other bits need some refining. This is really neither hung high or buried deep...more, stuck in the stocks being hit with the occasional gammy cabbage waiting for another chance. [5] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/CATHEDRALINFLAMES
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Fear Incorporated - "Of Nightmares And Strychnine"

7/9/2021

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“A macabre musical journey into the heart of darkness” ...while this could, and really should quite frankly, be the tagline for this blog (The way my brain works at least), it’s actually the text that greets you on the homepage of today’s band. FEAR INCORPORATED are an old-school darkwave/post-punk outfit that formed in 2008, but their sound is very much more pre-1988 for all you OG Goth’s out there.  

Co-founded by composer and writer William Westwater, Fear Inc. have also previously included members of DEMENTED ARE GO and the questionably named SEX GANG CHILDREN, and have quite an impressive discography for their thirteen-year career to date, including seven albums and two EP’s. 2021 found them releasing their latest album “Of Nightmares And Strychnine”...with William asking me to check it out a fair while back, which, I never got around to...sorry! Let’s rectify that shall we? 

The album opens up with “The Mesmerist” and by definition this should ideally capture the listener within some, powerful hypnotic mental state, rendering them blissfully catatonic as the music consumes them...or...not. Musically we get a primarily up-beat offering truth be told; light percussion providing a stable foundation for some, zany, quite robotic synths, and plenty of echoing vocal notes. Bar a few brief transitional sections, the track remains fairly repetitive in tone throughout and doesn’t really capture too much attention. 

​“Red Baron” interestingly tackles the subject of one Manfred Von Richthofen, with heaps of apparent adoration. History lesson folks, the Red Baron was a German fighter pilot during the first world war, who between 1916 and 1918, gained not only notoriety, but the respect of his enemies, racking up 80 officially credited air-combat victories. There’s a subtle industrial aesthetic to the track instrumentally, cleverly using the plane’s machine gun fire to simulate percussion, with the engine mirroring the rise and fall in the tracks pitch, while the track reeks of a sense of foreboding, playing into the Baron’s ruthlessness.  

Maintaining the theme of notorious historical figures, we next find ourselves delving into the darkly poetic psyche of one Aleister Crowley, on “Crowley (The Beast)”. With its simplistic yet haunting piano notes, deep, bass-rich synths and Sci-Fi inspired electronica, the whole aura here wonderfully captures Crowley’s occultist tendencies...his magico-religious doctrines were the subject of controversy, backed by his drug experimentation, sexuality and preaching of Thelema, and the track here carries that sense of mystique well.  

The rest of the album continues to explore dark themes on tracks such as “Torquemada”, who during the Spanish Inquisition was responsible for the deaths of a vast number of Jews and suspected witches...”Krampus (Dark Yule)” obviously touches upon the more horrific aspects of paganistic festive traditions, while “Possessed” is simply a wailing, torturous and frankly demonic sounding interlude.  

The overall delivery of the album from a musical standpoint, can sadly come across as a little flat. Despite the atmospherics and creepy production quality, vocally and structurally there is little diversity, and as conceptually interesting as some of these tracks are, none of them truly stand out per se. Fans of classic proto-Goth and early alt. rock will enjoy its traditional sounds, and it’s lyrically intriguing, at times educational even, but nothing truly hooks you here for casual listeners. Maybe try listening to it on the strychnine? No, don’t, I didn’t say that, people are dumb I take it back. Fuck. *Calls my lawyer in preparation* [4] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/FEARINCORPORATED
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VoteForSammo - "Cheaper Entertainment" EP

6/9/2021

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Mayor Quimby...Pedro Sanchez (No, not actual Spanish Prime Minister Pedro Sanchez, but the true Pedro Sanchez! Gosh!)...and *Sigh* Donald Trump. All of these...characters...and let's face it, they ARE characters, before I get a bunch of republicans trying to storm my house with pickets, torches and Walmart firearms, have one thing in common. They have all had unconventionally successful, albeit dodgy election campaigns. 

Quimby...The Simpson’s very own mayor of Springfield, was a parody of the Kennedy’s and used his wit, charm and charisma, as well as mob back-handers, to womanise and frivolously take the piss, while laughing to himself in office. A spot of innocent animated satire if you will.  Pedro, amidst lies, high-school politics, awkward humour, even more awkward dancing, sweet skills and a couple of Ligers, became class president in Napoleon Dynamite. Trump sadly, as much of a character he is...is real, believe it or not, and became actual President Of The United States, arguably one of the most powerful men in the world, despite being a tangerine-coloured perverted pensioner with a penchant for lies, pussy grabbing and grandiose shit-housery.  

But I hear you ask...what has this got to do with today’s review? Well, I am poorly gerrymandering my way through this segue in preparation of introducing today’s artist; VOTEFORSAMMO. Real name Sam Hodder, the 19-year-old based out of London emailed me recently to tell me two things. Firstly, he was releasing a new EP by the name of “Cheaper Entertainment”, and secondly, GTGC was one of his favourite websites. Now, I’m not easily bought, but that was a nice thing to say. The question is, do I have anything nice to say about the EP? And will he be getting MY vote? Let’s find out... 

The EP kicks off with “Is This Better Than The Last Time?” and quite frankly, I don’t know Sam, this is my first time. It opens up with some, throwback 1940’s or 1950’s family conversation, teasing at the notion of troubled youth and, as the intro piece transitions, we feel a sense of struggle. The ideology of being stuck in a rut, especially in the lower, working classes, not meaning to come off as derogatory. It’s a hoping, a wanting more out of life, wanting better opportunities outside a typically blue-collar environment, and have times really changed that much at all socially since then?  

First track proper then, and lead single “Artificial Light” gives us a better idea of Sam’s creative vision and process. There’s a soft, soothing blend of urban beats with gentle acoustics and lounge jazz, carrying delicate piano notes and brass instrumentation. His lyrical delivery is a sort of mellow poetic rapping. The street lights being the only brightness in a sprawling urban depression. You could probably smoke a fat one to this. We follow this with EP highlight “Martyr” and we get a far more assertive beat, with more electric guitar and a stronger indie-rock vibe. He projects stronger vocally in places adding range to his delivery but for the most part, he remains subdued, while not completely monotone. The sax solo is a wonderful inclusion and brings a real feel-good factor to the tracks climax, despite the abrupt ending. 

Next up we have “McDonalds”, and it’s like, ordering a double quarter pounder with only cheese at the drive-thru, and getting a quarter pounder with everything BUT cheese. That’s actually happened to me. Heartbroken I was. Anyway, we initially get a sweetly plucked spot of acoustic pop, which gradually picks up in tempo and tone, incorporating more of an electric-tinged dose of deeper indie, akin to the previous track, before lulling back to its originally slower pacing. It has aspects that are nice, but it’s not specifically what you were looking forward to. Very much like my burger. Finally, then, we finish up with “Reflections”; featuring additional vocals from Jemma Baines. Aside from this extra vocal dynamic, we get more of the same urban, jazzy, folky, acoustic indie style and the whole thing is very much chilled. 

Now, most young lads in this age range that I know personally, are for some reason all into grime, mumble rap and all of that crud...so for this London based artist to be delving into more, maturely perceived genres such as lounge jazz and, shoe-gaze inspired indie, it's both interesting and refreshing to see. He writes, mixes and produces all of his own stuff too so, fair play to the lad. Applause where it’s due. While tracks like “Martyr” are more up my street, you can’t knock Sam for the honesty in his lyrics and his ability to create an ambience within his genre mixings. Not something I’d go out of my way to look for, but I’d rather vote for Sammo than some dickhead like Boris Johnson. A pleasant, laid-back listening experience; be sure to check this EP out when it drops on September 10th. [6] 
WWW.VOTEFORSAMMO.CO.UK
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The 69 Cats - "Seven Year Itch"

4/7/2021

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I want to take a moment to talk about separation...and I know that, right away you’re thinking “Oh god, Gav is off on one of his depressing rants again, is he? Do I grab the popcorn or the Kleenex?” To be honest it depends on the type of wank you plan on having, but I digress. What we’re really here to discuss is the concept of the seven-year itch. 

In many romantic relationships and, primarily marriages, the seven-year itch is noted as the period of the relationship, where things are most likely to falter (Personally I only tend to average three). The spark is gone; the affection and excitement has fizzled out and, very many couples tend to go their separate ways.  

It’s a strange phenomenon, but one that’s been studied by the likes of the US National Centre Of Health Statistics. Beginning in the 1920’s going all the way through to the 1990’s, divorce rates averaged between 6.6 and 7.2 years across the states. It can even be found strewn throughout pop culture, notably with the movie starring MARILYN MONROE touching on the subject. 

This brings us to THE 69 CATS. I originally covered them WAY back in 2014, in the formative days of this blog, when they released the debut album “Transylvanian Tapes” with their original line-up. Now, the side-project / supergroup of sorts (Consisting still of Jyrki 69 of THE 69 EYES, but alongside rockabilly veteran Danny B. Harvey, bassist Kim Nekroman from psychobilly punks NEKROMANTIX, and drummer Rat Scabies from THE DAMNED) appropriately return seven years later, with their sophomore album “Seven Year Itch”. With that said, let's see if our relationship with these cats has run out of lives... 

The album, just like most typical relationships, begins with “She’s Hot” and before anyone jumps on my back about objectification here, chill, this is only an album review. I know what the internet is like these days. Anyway. The immediate blending of Jyrki’s baritone croons with the classic rock ‘n’ roll instrumentation; coupled with a subtle southern groove gives this an uplifting quality. The smooth guitar licks counter the tracks overall simplicity, as well as the slightly darkened lyrical twist, and the style here is very much evident early on. 

​Lead single and surprise POST MALONE cover “Hollywood’s Bleeding” follows up and it makes subtle nods to the vampiric tendencies that is the Hollywood lifestyle...it’ll suck the life out of you; eat you up and spit you out, but you’re infatuated...you’re addicted. It’s a toxic relationship with fame and fortune and this frankly very catchy track, with yet more slick six-string work, highlights Hollywood’s darker undertones. Speaking of darker tones, they continue to bridge old-school rockabilly with Jyrki’s typically more, Gothic aesthetics with tracks like “Vampire Shuffle”. There’s a quirky little play on words as they unleash “The Hell Of The Mountain King”; their take on the dramatic composition by EDVARD GRIEG, which has made me want to go to Alton Towers, while “I’m Evil” gives us a solid dose of the moody blues. Luckily not in the same vein as WILLIAM SHATNER last year. 

Overall, despite being confined within a certain genre niche, there’s enough here to appease fans of classic rock ‘n’ roll, as well as rockabilly and Jyrki’s own legion of baritone-loving vampires. More polished than their debut, and obviously not AS reliant on covers, it’s certainly worth a listen. It might have been seven years, but this reviewer still has a soft spot for these cool cats, and there’s zero intention of reaching for the divorce papers just yet...nope, no itching here, well, there is, but, that’s between me and my GP. [7] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/THE69CATS
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Cvlt Ov The Svn - "We Are The Dragon"

21/6/2021

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OK so Summertime is upon us, or, is at least around the corner...perhaps. It’s hard to tell in Wales sometimes to be honest, seriously; it’s Wales, not ‘whales’, we don’t require this much water so regularly so can you please stop raining? I jest it’s been pretty decent recently, and that is quite possibly because I’ve been privately praying to today’s band; CVLT OV THE SVN. No, I haven’t had a stroke, that’s how it’s presented (Obviously it’s Cult Of The Sun) and I will say right now that they are personally, one of my favourite discoveries in recent memory. 

Hailing from Finland, because of course they do...all my favourite bands do...it’s a project shrouded in a sense of mystique and intrigue, as the ensemble wishes to explore the darkness with a sense of macabre, theatrical flair on their debut album “We Are The Dragon”. Released on NAPALM RECORDS, let's see just how these darkest of stars can brighten up your summer playlists. 

​The album appropriately kicks off with the title track and we’re met with a surprisingly up-beat, jovial guitar tone...this is a lot more melodic than expected but there are zero complaints with that. I had a similar experience with GHOST’s debut album; expecting some brutally dark doom metal but getting some kind of deeper, BLUE OYSTER CULT type effort. Seriously the song structure here revels in its simplicity but it’s an effective hook, which is in turn countered by the sinister, snarling vocals. Honestly, it's like the DANHAUSEN of rock songs; very nice...very evil. It meanders pleasantly enough and gets the album underway in an interesting and unexpected manner, but it’s all good. 

Follow up track “My Venom” takes things down an admittedly darker path...the initially twangy guitar leads into some seriously atmospheric, intense instrumentation, before we blend elements of thrashy punk with chilling alt-rock. We soon realise that the vocals here don’t necessarily have a lot of range or depth, as we find ourselves sticking fast to a husky, raspy delivery. While it would be fine to chastise the lack of diversity, the style is effective enough to carry the tracks, and it gives them and in turn this entire album, it’s character. 

Having established the general approach for the record, we can easily appreciate that from here on it just goes from strength to strength, with several notable highlights. “Luna In The Sky Forever” in ways reminds me of the aforementioned Ghost with its catchy electronic-tinged bassline and simple, synth-laden groove. “Don’t Be Tender Love Me Cruel” has a slower, more methodical pace that allows emphasis on the emotive guitar tones, which, coupled with the self-depreciative lyrical drawl, creates a sultry, almost masochistic offering. 

If it’s up-tempo you want then this bunch of cvlts have you covered too, as album highlight “Twilight” luckily has absolutely nothing to do with Stephanie Meyer. Nary a sparkling vampire in sight, we get a fantastically infectious dose of punk-tinged hard rock with more hooks than Leatherface’s lady-pantry. At its core, the up-tempo bass riff and simplistic chugging could be mistaken for something by, RISE AGAINST or BAD RELIGION, before the darker characteristics kick in. This is a great track. “Hellbound” keeps things nice and intense with some initially pummelling percussion and another dose of deeply self-depreciating lyrics... ”My mind is an endless well of negative thoughts...in its prime; shows me no remorse”. Relatable fam. “Whore Of Babylon” is then equally relatable (Can I get a H’oooohhhhhhhh Yeahhh from all my fellow sluts? I’m kidding...I’m KIDDING!) but the blackened metal flurry can’t help but raise more than a few horns. 

In terms of alternative music, Cvlt Ov The Svn have seemingly cherry picked some quality influences stylistically for this debut. There’s a sprinkle of black metal and gothic imagery, there’s a brilliantly fun, punk-esque hard rock quality to a lot of the instrumentation, there are almost doom inspired atmospherics and it’s all wrapped up with an almost pop music production quality, and it works perfectly! These Finns have dropped what is personally, a contender for the album of the year in my eyes and ears...believe me, I am a dragon too, and I’ve got one on my flag to fucking prove it! [9]​
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/CVLTOVTHESVN
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Eurovision 2021: I'm Not 'UK' (I Promise)

30/5/2021

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As you should all be well aware by now, I have a great fondness for the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST. It is a song contest the likes of which, the world has never seen the likes of which, aside from the past sixty odd years or so...but I digress. 2020 saw the contests cancellation due to the Covid pandemic; the first time in history such a thing has occurred, and though while despite still having the junior version at the tail end of the year, when lockdowns and such gradually eased up, 2020 was lacking in more than just social interaction...I didn’t get to enjoy a night of roasting the final via my Twitter feed in real time. Alas, there was always going to be 2021 right? Right? 

As expected, the 2021 contest did take place, on May 22nd in Rotterdam, making up for last year’s unprecedented situation, by technically allowing the Netherlands to become the first nation to host two consecutive contests. Asterisk here of course. Nevertheless, all was looking promising, until I found out that one of my newest favourite bands, IST IST, were performing a socially distanced show in Manchester on the very same night! Having not been to a gig since 2019, and having not seen my good friend James in that exact same time...I committed a cardinal sin, and attended the gig with him instead of watching Eurovision. Forgive me father, or, spank me daddy, delete as applicable? Either way I’m going to make up for it. 

While we all now know the results, posthumously if you will regarding how dead in the water the UK are, I’ll be taking a look at the grand finalist's songs, and questioning both how and why the UK finished last with the dreaded nil poi...so what better place to start, than the UK’s song itself. JAMES NEWMAN was our 2021 entry with a track called “Embers”. The London based singer/songwriter has been called “James Nil-Man" following the result, but is the mockery justified? Granted it’s quite the safe track in terms of tone and delivery...it’s got a very Summery vibe with its brass-fuelled dance-pop, smoky vocals and up-beat rhythm. It’s the kind of track I’d expect to hear on Radio 1 or some random YouTube holiday advert. Is it awful? No absolutely not. Is it a musical masterpiece, a misunderstood work of genius, ahead of its time? Likewise, no, it’s a generic, run-of-the-mill dance pop effort, but should have at LEAST garnered SOME points with the average Joe...so what went wrong? 
If the UK were at the very bottom of the pile with zero points, who was at the top? The answer, is Italy this year, and slap my ass with a stale ciabatta they entered a rock song?! The group MÅNESKIN won the 2021 contest with the track “Zitti E Buoni” and to be fair it was a pleasant surprise. Sure, it was all sung in their native Italian, so I don’t know what the hell was being said, but the track had a solid groove and housed a smooth, classic rock aesthetic which was about as expected as their victory...aka...it wasn’t. I find this amusing in ways as, here in the UK, despite frankly birthing most of the world's greatest rock bands going as far back as the 60’s, rock and alternative music is generally shunned by the mainstream here in favour of the kind of disposable dance pop we entered, funnily enough. Karma perhaps? Actually, don’t get me started on the charts, pile of bollocks.  

So, we came last, and an unexpected rock song came first...not like, a LORDI level effort with all the costumes and gimmicks, but, an actual straight up rock song...but there were still a further 24 countries that finished above us, surely, we weren’t THE worst track out of all twenty-six nations? Germany’s entry JENDRIK came one place above us with “I Don’t Feel Hate” and it rather awkwardly combined ukulele with up-beat whistling and folk-pop, before some sporadic, jazzy breakdowns. While inoffensive, it was musically jarring as it switched styles and for that alone, it was IMO, worse than ours.  
Spain didn’t do a great deal better with their entry “Voy A Quedarme” by BLAS CANTÓ, and really speaking it’s one of those generic soft piano ballads that the contest has been renowned for in recent years. Totally innocuous, if I were live tweeting this after several beverages, I’d probably be saying his name translates as bland cunt but, there we go. Host nation Netherlands did fairly poorly themselves as JEANGU MACROOY only managed 23rd with his track “Birth Of A New Age” ...the soft Afro-pop / reggae-pop offering speaking of lots of rebellion probably irked several juries as it’s MEANT to be a non-political show, but we all know how true that isn’t. Different, but, better than ours? Questionable. 

What about some of the better results then? Who or what was deemed to be more favourable by both the judges and voting public? GO_A were back representing the Ukraine here following what was arguably my favourite entry from last year; “Solovey”. The new track, “Shum”, might not have the same infectious quality to it, but in a different sense it retains a very catchy, up-beat characteristic that grows over the track's duration. The folk pop, oompah-gypsy style with flutes, coupled with some deep, electronic production allows for a fascinating culture crossover, and the group themselves have grown in confidence massively. The track rises and rises in intensity building to a wonderful crescendo, leading up to some classic, mid-90's Tatanka-esque native war-cry type shit. How many chops can you do, in 2:52? That’s an ad-break questionarium for OSW! 
Having mentioned LORDI earlier, I have to mention Finland as it’s a country I always keep an eye out for, having personally voted for the likes of SAARA AALTO in recent years, and this year was no exception... had it not been for the fact I didn’t watch the live final! BLIND CHANNEL entered their track “Dark Side” and it was a wonderfully melodic nu-metal inspired effort, rich in riffs, swagger-fuelled rap-tinged vocals, gang vox and all of the middle fingers in the air. Any regular readers who like, say, HACKTIVIST or HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD would have lapped this up, fantastic stuff, this certainly would have had my vote. Adopt me Finland, please?  

​Last year's favourite, Iceland, re-entered DADI FREYR with the new track “10 Years” and again, another case of growth in confidence...the track this year is no less catchy or fun with its funk-rich delivery but it’s a lot smoother and really vibes, this track did understandably well for 2020’s unofficial winner. France is pretty renowned for scoring poorly, so for them to finish second this year was surprising...especially as their entry “Voila” by BARBARA PRAVI was no more than a dramatic, string/piano ballad fit for a theatrical ballet, we’re talking niche genre trappings here, but it did well. Might sell some Peugeots in the future, but, it’s not for me.  
Not even star-power can help some countries however, as FLO RIDA, of all people, joined SENHIT and San Marino of all places...they must have spent their entire GDP on his guest vocals on “Adrenalina” to finish 22nd...brilliant economic investment, you just voted for a nation to starve. Belgium then represents with a wonderfully bluesy number that references JOHHNY CASH, so credit to HOOVERPHONIC and their track “The Wrong Place”, which fittingly brings us full circle to describe the UK; we finished in the wrong place. Now don’t get me wrong, my ears and probably opinions differ from, well, clearly the millions of people who vote on the world's biggest song contest, but I’m not rallying for a pro-UK movement, or being overly patriotic in the face of defeat; I’m simply suggesting the UK didn’t deserve to come last, let alone get no points whatsoever. 

​Having not seen who gave who what points this year, I can’t comment on the usual and typical “neighbour” voting system you tend to notice, not that the contest is meant to be political as stated, and this could in ways be backed by Italy’s unexpected winning rock track. But, given the farce that was the whole Brexit vote, with the UK government essentially lying to the British public, and then continuing to make themselves look like an absolute bunch of bell ends; making demands to the EU, it’s easy to see why, when it comes to the UK, a performers talent and song quality clearly means very little. We as a nation, are looked upon as outsiders, and frankly blanked by a tight-nit European collective...and we have the government to thank for that. Was our entry ever a winning song? Doubtful, don’t get me wrong, but zero points is more of a statement to us as Brits as it is a fair reaction to our performance in Rotterdam. It might only be a silly song contest to many, but it’s got history, it’s a cultural phenomenon, and we haven’t won it since 1997...and the way things are going, we’ll be lucky to win it by 2097. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to snort some coke with that dude from Italy...allegedly.  
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Recluse - "Lay Your Darkness Down With Me"

25/4/2021

1 Comment

 
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Stonehenge... Göbekli Tepe... Dot Cotton; all ancient wonders steeped in rich cultural history, going back centuries, even millennia. Or, you could just say; old as fuck. Naturally you may be wondering where I’m going with THIS segue... am I about to veer off into some, Neolithically geographical Ted Talk? Am I about to roast June Brown for pretending to run a laundrette into her 90’s knowing damn well the next spin cycle might outlive her? I jest...and I exaggerate.  

Today we’re going to be taking a fresh look at a Welsh band by the name of RECLUSE. You see, I’ve known front-man Britt several years now, and that’s where the intro to this review came from. He messaged me recently asking how things were, and that he’d like to get my thoughts on the band's newest album, seeing as I’d been part of their journey since their debut...he said that I felt at least a small part in their continued story, which to be honest was quite sweet.  

I do indeed remember championing their debut album “Crooked Heart”, but when I went to back-read my thoughts on it here for references, I realised that it actually pre-dates this entire blog! My first GTGC blog post was in 2014, yet I was playing Recluse on my old radio show back in 2011/2012! In the words of Mike Bracken; “Christ I’m Old!”. With that said, let's roll back the years and dust off the cobwebs as we check out “Lay Your Darkness Down With Me”... 

We open up with the track “Stomah”, and like any normal person, I found myself Googling the word to get some context as to what the track could mean conceptually, but the results drew more blanks than the infertile department of your local sperm bank. Naturally I ask Britt what the story was, and the reply? It’s a spelling mistake from Kurt Cobain’s journal, talking about his debilitating stomach cramps, that has nothing to do with the actual songs content itself. For fuck's sake Britt. I digress...the track itself is a fine slab of fuzzy guitar and bass that pushes and enhances his rough and ready vocals; combining the early 90’s grunge aesthetic with more stoner rock and sludge elements, and it’s a fine opener. 

Follow up track “You Get Out Alone” retains this approach with the deeper, rumbling bass complimenting the higher vocal notes. This more powerful, prominent vocal performance gives the track a far more positive energy, almost channelling the likes of SOUNDGARDEN for example, really coming to life towards the tracks climax. Album highlight “Throat” then takes things back down a notch, returning to their more stoner rock influences and there are moments here that could easily befit a QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE setlist. It’s got a solid groove and the distortion and muffling on the guitars again adds ample character; not to be mistaken for lack of production quality or recording cost-cutting...this gives the track a raw, visceral sound that works wonderfully for their stylistic delivery. This wouldn’t sound anywhere near as good too crisp or overly produced.  

“The Quiet Hours” by contrast slows things right down, to more of that sludge-heavy style for a truly moody, brooding piece of alternative rock, that wouldn’t be out of place on the soundtrack to “The Crow”, and is every as bit as enjoyable as the aforementioned, despite coming from opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of delivery. That’s just one half of the album mind you...as Recluse also indulge in several spots of prog inspired writing. “Werewolves” disappoints slightly as I was expecting some bestial savagery to rip through my speakers and maul me with an intense flurry of riffs and percussion, but it’s drawn-out instrumental intro somehow manages to bridge the likes of DEFTONES with the earliest of CKY days, before some very subdued vocals bring the expectations down even further. 

The main issues here however, come from two tracks taking up nearly thirty minutes of the album's hour and three-minute run time...and how they drag. “Olympus” being the longest of the tracks here initially starts off interestingly enough, like it’s about to veer off into some bluesy country-rock, but soon descends into an extended piece of everything we’ve heard prior, and like its name suggests, is a mountain to listen to if you're lacking in the old attention department. Closing track “Le Rose Hotel” then isn’t AS long but is arguably the weakest track on the record. Another needlessly long instrumental intro makes you wonder if they were given a target of how long the albums run-time needed to be, as this is literally nothing but pointless filler at this point. We’re over eight minutes in actually and I’ve not heard a single word...remind me to never stay here, I don’t care what offers I’m presented with on Booking.com! 

Ultimately, Recluse have proven again that when they put their mind to it, they provide some of the finest modern era grunge going, keeping those sounds of the early to mid-nineties very much alive. They’ve shown growth over their three-album career to date and continue to expand their sound, though while the lengthy prog-inspired cuts aren’t for this particular reviewer, there’s definitely an audience for it and it’s a solid recording nevertheless. [6] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/RECLUSEUK
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Pay The Man - "Regulars"

5/4/2021

2 Comments

 
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So, a pig, a gorilla and a dog walk into a bar, and the barman asks, “What can I get you?” Gav interrupts, “A punchline please because I haven’t got a fucking clue where this is going!”. Honestly the cover art here looks like something drawn up for a MONKEY DUST meets BOJACK HORSEMAN crossover, but I digress.  

“Regulars” is an album by a Bridgend-based singer-songwriter named Kyle David Smith, who here goes under the moniker PAY THE MAN. No stranger to the South Wales music scene, having played for local artists such as CEASARS ROME and ICANTDIE, he’s recently released this solo mini-album exploring his adoration for acoustic indie pop. Having been tagged on Facebook by three separate people in Kyle’s posts looking for promotion of this new album, it would be very much rude of me not to. So, Charlotte, Colin and Scott...if I don’t like this, I’m personally blaming you. 

The album opens up with the title track and initially we get some jerkily strummed acoustic guitars, as he sings of a sense of stagnation and repetition that’s commonplace in life today. There’s a gradual build until he unleashes a far more raw, emotive vocal and the track reeks of self-depreciation in a fed-up kind of way. It’s quite a relatable opener. Lead single then “Situationship” has a far more jovial guitar tone, backed by the percussion here giving the track a far better sense of rhythm. Ironically the track seems to delve into the topic of romantic and emotional frustration; the typical issues with loyalty, perhaps a spot of ghosting and generally feeling used or toyed with by a potential partner. This is why I’ve personally been single for over two years now...none of this shit...but the track itself is fine. 

“The Busker” then in turn returns to a far mellower piece of sombre acoustic that in ways bridges the depressive tones of early COLDPLAY with storytelling and lyricism more akin to say, DEAF HAVANA and it’s pleasant despite the aforementioned analogy. The 8-track mini album eventually finishes up with “There’s Hope For You Yet!” and again, we get a nicely delivered dose of more upbeat, up-tempo campfire acoustic indie-folk, even channelling subtle punk elements layered throughout the track, ending proceedings on a positive note. Any prior unmentioned tracks follow a fairly straightforward formula for the genre, not offending yet not exciting anyone at the same time really. 

There’s nothing wrong with this; nothing at all, this should potentially appeal to fans of say, DAVE JAKES or JAMES VECK-GILODI as opposed to ED SHEERAN (Thankfully) and this brand of heartfelt, stripped-back acoustic delivery is completely harmless. Fuelled by life in lockdown and the resulting intoxication brought on by isolation and self-reflection, it’s about an honest a record you can find. Pay the man his dues though...he’s opened up here and it’s at least worth a listen. [5] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/PAYTHEMAN1
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Void Inn - "End This Game"

7/3/2021

3 Comments

 
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I want to briefly talk about horror films. Those of you that know me well enough should know that, if there’s one thing I love as much as berating a shitty album, it’s laughing at a low budget straight to DVD horror movie. Dishonourable mentions go to my friends Bleddyn, for THE DRONE and, Joanne with SHARK EXORCIST...seriously the eyesight I’ve wasted there is unreal, but honestly, I love that shit. Obviously, the bargain bin budget choices will have their niche audience, but sometimes even though you know things are going to be bad, the classic horror movie tagline just sucks you in... 

There are plenty of iconic tag lines, such as “Great Trilogies Come In Threes” from SCARY MOVIE 3...”T’was The Night Before Christmas, And All Through The House, Not A Creature Was Stirring...They Were All Dead” from DON’T OPEN TILL’ CHRISTMAS, or my new personal favourite, “Unwittingly, He Trained A Dolphin To Kill The President Of The United States” from 1973’s THE DAY OF THE DOLPHIN...apparently that’s a thing which I now need to see. Sometimes however, there is absolutely no salvation...and appropriately for this segue I’m going to borrow a line from 2010’s A SERBIAN FILM, as I emphasise that, not all films, or in this case, reviews, have a happy ending. 
 
Let me introduce you to VOID INN; formed in California by vocalist Jelena Vujanovic and guitarist Sinisa Pejovic, following studies at the Hollywood Music Institute, they now reside in Belgrade, Serbia, and got in touch with me at the beginning of the year to tell me about their latest album “End This Game”. According to the bio that accompanied their email request, their sound can be summed up as powered by fierce riffs, odd meters, virtuoso guitar parts and a large range of unique vocal tones...and it’s that last bit that frightens me. Let’s press play and see if “End This Game” will just have me wanting to end my own life... 

We open up with “Stay Young” and the initial surge of riffs, guitar licks and percussion is encouraging...it takes on a predominantly harder rock, thrash-esque sound with the tracks general tone and instrumental delivery. It borrows from the likes of METALLICA as well as slower, darker genres for a very heavy methodical approach. Vocally however...imagine James Hetfield somehow managed to sound flat while being out of every key simultaneously, and was a woman. That last bit is irrelevant to the quality, purely descriptive, but yeah. There is potential in Jelena’s raspy vocal snarls when she does unleash, more like Alexi Laiho may he rest in peace, but other than that, this raises red flags. “Dead Of Night” only highlights this issue...as the fluctuation between the aggressive vocal snarls and the cleaner singing is more frequent, and those snarls really show up Jelena’s lack of real range.  

The title track slots itself in halfway through this mini album as if it were a sentient compilation of tracks...the album wants to end itself prematurely and really that says everything you need to know. Even Jigsaw would want nothing to do with this game. I can see him now, peddling the fuck out of his little tricycle trying to get away. Musically, before I get carried away, it’s more of the same. Moving on. “Just Another Day” starts off really quite quaintly with some softly plucked guitar notes, but it progressively gets darker, channelling certain BLACK SABBATH influences, until those riffs burst through the door kicking the track into gear. Sadly, because of the accompanying vocals, that gear is reverse. “Show Me What You Got” instantly takes my mind to RICK ‘N’ MORTY and that interplanetary song contest episode, and it’s safe to say by comparison, Void Inn are severely lacking in schwifty, before we finally then close proceedings with “Hello Misery”, and, that frankly perfectly sums up the feeling taken away from this record.  

While I can appreciate the quality of musicianship here (It’s a decent enough dose of hard rock and metal instrumentation, nothing too flash or fancy, straightforward and effective) it’s another case of a record being let down by the vocals. Now I’m not sure if Jelena was trying too hard and just came across like, a stereotypical parody of your typically gruff, rock and metal vocalists, or if she genuinely thinks that this sounds good. End this game? End this album please, and AVOID Inn. [2] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/VOIDINN
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Herr Nox - "Where Shadows Fade"

31/1/2021

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Happy new year everybody! OK, OK, we’re well into the year already and we’re well-passed all of that rigmarole, but we all needed some down time, right? I mean, I did! Let’s be honest here 2020 was an utter clusterfuck...if any calendar year can trigger mental health issues, it’s the one we’ve just had; it can’t possibly get MUCH worse can it? (2021 that is NOT a challenge so don’t even think about it!) …but despite being somewhere between a nihilist and a pessimist myself, I have to at least TRY to look forward to potentially more positive things, and who knows, that MIGHT even filter through into my reviews! 

We ended 2020 with a review of FLOVER’s newest record, light-heartedly mocking their blatant borrowing of HIM’s style and sound yet championing a fresh dose of alternative, romantic dark pop. It ended the year on a high note, and we hope to transition those wholesome good vibes into my first review of the new year. Let me introduce to you HERR NOX. The Canadian project made their debut with the album “Stargazer” in 2018, where they effectively blended electronic synth-wave with darker alternative rock elements, and it was a fine dose of melodic melancholy. Just before Christmas, they got in touch with me, asking me to check out their up-coming sophomore release “Where Shadows Fade” …scheduled to drop February 5th. With that said, let’s forgo the formalities and give this a listen, and get 2021 underway with a positive outlook! 

We open up with a track called “Doomsday” …really? Guys, I was meant to be kicking off the year with something positive, something encouraging...but no, you’ve got to go and throw the end of the world in my face straight out of the starting blocks. Well done. The track is the first of a handful of collaborations with Norwegian musician Jorgen Munkeby, who’s worked with a plethora of established metal musicians so we’re seemingly in good hands...it’s got an initially hushed introduction; soothing, meandering keys and subtle pulsing electronic bass, and it allows for a cold, brooding opening, before we descend into a flurry of pretty generic off-kilter guitars and uninspired vocals. It went from atmospheric to anticlimactic a bit quickly if you ask me and lets you down following the minute and a half intro. 

The title track follows up and it’s a full-blown case of the opposites. The jarring off-kilter percussion starts us off with some intense sax playing, and seemingly leads us into some progressive jazz, before transitioning into some more laid-back melodic rock, and the more subtle Goth aesthetics appear more prominently over the course of the track. As jarring as the intro was, this track works far more effectively, emoting better vocally and tonally resulting in a far smoother listen believe it or not...if you can ignore the saxophones like. It works for GHOST and ELECTRIC SIX but don’t push it y’know? Luckily, we’re then greeted to album highlight “Black Butterfly” featuring LINDSAY SCHOOLCRAFT and it’s a welcome dose of straightforward alt. Goth. Given the hard rock core sound with accompanying synths and tight solo, clean vocals and presentation, as weird as this may sound it’s like, a cross between TOOL and KILL HANNAH. Either way I’m not complaining, I like this. 

Elsewhere tracks like “Kiss The Butchers Hand” highlight the blend of frosty electronica and progressive post-rock tendencies, as the track utilises both in a wonderfully climactic fashion. The semi-whispered male vocals mirror artists such as TIAMAT, reinforcing that Gothic vibe, and again it works well. “Heads Will Roll” sadly isn’t a cover of the YEAH YEAH YEAH’S but the synth-driven hard rock works well and in places it’s got elements of peak MARILYN MANSON, resulting in a bold, energetic listen. Sadly, whatever is left of the album fails to truly inspire. 

Schoolcraft returns for “The Art Of Noise & Silence” and while atmospherically moody, the spoken word segments detract from the track, however brief. It’s got a subtle avant-garde approach, ever so slightly bridging classic goth with light prog for an ultimately slow, deep, anti-ballad. “Gotta Light” then incorporates more of that spoken word in its intro, alongside more of that softcore porn sax and ultimately becomes an instrumental. The sax here does work better than previously mentioned, but in regards to the tracks title, this is like going to the smoking area of the club, pulling out an overpriced non-branded Marlboro, and, have you got a light? No. You loser. You look around, everyone is busy, chatting with friends, so you just stand there, with an unlit cigarette, you contemplate asking for a light, but your self-esteem is through the floor, and so you don’t ask, you hope someone notices and offers you flame, but they don’t, so you stand there awkwardly, craving, until you just go back inside unfulfilled, and feeling as sad as these saxophones sound. Was that bleak? Good, because that sums up this instrumental. 

Overall, artistically, Herr Nox have taken the darkest aspects of their debut and expanded upon them, ramping up the Gothic elements, allowing the synths and guitars to flow like black velvet. It’s neither an improvement or a disappointment, they’ve merely altered their course creatively and there’s plenty of promise here to be fair. This black butterfly just needs to emerge from its Canadian cocoon, as I’m sure it has plenty of dark beauty to share with the world, just give it time. [5] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/HERRNOXOFFICIAL
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GavTheGothicChav: The Best Of 2020

3/1/2021

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What is there to say about 2020, that hasn't already been said? Within these reviews over the past nine months I've light-heartedly made reference to issues like Covid-19 and such, but let's not detract from the seriousness of the whole situation. As a calendar year, 2020 was one of the most difficult, frustrating, upsetting and confusing in recent history, and this isn't strictly down to Coronavirus...this time last year we were on the brink of World War 3! Politics has been a shambles, social injustice has been rife, the divide in both community spirit and the classes seemingly continues to grow, and generally speaking, the world is a complete mess. Luckily we've had music to keep us going, if not to keep us sane, and for that at least I am grateful. The images above showcase my personal highlights of 2020, grouped in categories covering pop, metal, EP's and general favourites, and it shows that, despite the state of the world, music flourishes. Music and the arts are SO important, as many of us learned during national lockdown, and we need to appreciate the people who dedicated their lives to creating that art SO much, because times like these prove we'd be lost without them. 

I mean, just looking at the cover art above, it's been as diverse a year as any. MILEY CYRUS embraced her inner rocker on her new album, having collaborated with the likes of BILLY IDOL and JOAN JETT. Groups like STEPS made an unexpected comeback showing they've still got it in an ever changing pop industry, as did MELANIE C. From a metal standpoint, PARADISE LOST prove they just get better with age, as they not only released one of the albums of their career, they also found themselves in the UK Top 40! Imagine that! Goth metal on Radio 1! It gives hope to newer acts like SOUTH OF SALEM who delivered a truly stunning debut album, and certify themselves as ones to watch for sure. There have also been plenty of superb EP's released over the past twelve months...especially VV. Ville Valo surprised everyone with his 3-track EP and HIM fans rejoiced at the new material, I for one certainly cannot wait to hear more from him. CHRISTINE AND THE QUEENS put emphasis on the art as their whole EP was turned into one big choreographed music video which was impressive, while I personally made some brilliant discoveries in the form of LUCIA & THE BEST BOYS and JACKIE. 

Finally then, my official albums of the year, and I was spoiled for choice to be fair. THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE always deliver, they never release a bad album and I'm looking forward to catching up with Chibi on the rescheduled tour dates. MARILYN MANSON dropped his best album in years much to my delight, having found his last couple a little bit boring (Sorry Mazza!), GREY DAZE tugged at the heartstrings with a touching tribute to the late Chester Bennington, releasing unheard material from his pre-LINKIN PARK days, reminding us all how much we'll miss such a talented, brilliant human being. NINJA SEX PARTY on the other hand proved they remain one of the funniest groups around with their bonkers writing style, comedic lyricism and story-telling and wholesome attitude. Yes, 2020 has been a bit of a mess to say the least, but we've still got music, and as fans of that music, we've still got one another, and as a community, we need to hold on to that. With that said, below, is my official GTGC Spotify playlist of 2020, with 40 hand-picked tracks spanning the above records, and it is dedicated to my very good friend Scot 'JD' Rees, who is sadly no longer with us in body, but will forever be with us in heart and spirit. Whether he had a Jack & Coke in his hand, or his guitar, he was always laughing at something, and his energy for enjoyment was infectious. I will miss you Scot, and this compilation is for you. X
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Flover - "Songs Of Our Broken Hearts"

29/12/2020

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The end of the calendar year; a period of time this reviewer looks forward to annually. Not because of Christmas and the time-off work (Although the time-off is wonderful) and not because of the festive indulgence, because let’s face it I don’t need an excuse to drink, but because of the annual Winter Goth Getaway.  You may be thinking, what the hell is that? Is there some sort of alternative event that’s slipped under my radar?  

No... it’s basically myself and a group of friends, getting together every Winter, for a select live music adventure. Last year we hit London for the one-off UK date by THE 69 EYES, as well as hitting Bristol for the RXPTRS X-Mas bash...while in previous years we’ve been up and down the country to catch HIM, CKY and FIELDS OF THE NEPHILIM. It’s become a tradition and a whole lotta fun...that was until Covid ruined everything. This year, my friends and I didn’t get to go to any special Winter gigs, meet awesome new people and get ludicrously drunk, resulting in Christmas this year being a little less black...and I won't stand for that. We need some Goth damnit! And I may just have a solution. 

​Cast your mind back to 2017, and I reviewed an interesting band by the name of FLOVER. The Italian/Russian project comprising of Fabio and Kolya respectively, had released their debut album “Dark & Sweet”, and you’ll remember I made sure to point out that they more than borrowed a lot of sound and substance from the aforementioned HIM, even going as far as naming their sound “Sweet Rock” in homage to “Love Metal”. While I jested that, imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery but identity theft is a crime, it was impossible to not appreciate their sound and style in the absence of a recently separated HIM. 2020, the bonkers year that it’s been, finds them releasing their follow-up album “Songs Of Our Broken Hearts”. Let's check it out and salvage whatever goth we can... 

​The album opens up with “Secret Romance” ...it’s a bit like Secret Santa, but you already know what it is...HIM. The sultry piano-led dose of rock easily lends itself to the earlier demo-days of “Razorblade Romance”, especially with the underlying, faint synths sounding like they’ve been inspired by “Too Happy To Be Alive”, coupled with the guitar tone and key changes...this is certainly pink era HIM, and a decent start as a result. At this point we may as well start playing Heartagram Bingo...but instead of numbers we’ll be looking for riffs, song structures, vocal harmonies and parodies. Eyes down folks, we’re playing for a full house... 

“Love Beyond Death” starts with some heavier guitar work initially and it’s quite “Venus Doom”, but the chorus melodies soon kick in and it sounds more akin to something taken out of the “Screamworks...” sessions. The chugging riff is balanced nicely with the more delicate piano and the vocal crooning, and it all blends well truth be told. The albums first real highlight comes courtesy of “Love’s Scarecrow” which for all intents and purposes is a pretty straightforward track; simple structure and decent chorus hooks, but it comes to life with an impressive albeit brief solo and the track has this wonderfully energetic, climactic crescendo. 

“The Kiss Of Death” is clearly a take on “Kiss Of Dawn” not only from a titular standpoint, but even in vocal tone and sonic structure...it only slightly differs in tempo and even the wailing, scratchy guitar solo mirrors Linde’s playing on “Venus Doom”...there’s a couple for your bingo card! Speaking of...”Stay With You”...for a moment I honestly thought I’d skipped an album and started playing HIM’s cover of THE RAMONES “Poison Heart”! That opening riff is practically the same! They’re parodying other bands covers of other bands now, we’re getting too deep here, this is some inception type shit. It’s going to get to a point where riffs and musicianship aren’t enough...I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them does an Ed Gein and wears Ville Valo’s skin. I jest, of course. “Lost Souls” takes our mind off this with another simple yet effective chorus hook, even though the pre-chorus more than teases hints of “Dying Song” in delivery, but it’s an enjoyable track, before the title track goes all “When Love And Death Embrace” ...and this once again sums up our listen. 

While I can sit here and scoff at the obvious likenesses to our favourite infernal majesties, and joke about plagiarism, in HIM’s absence, Flover do a great job of keeping that bittersweet sound of romantic melancholy alive. Sure, Ville Valo did surprise everyone this year with a three-track EP, teasing more work to come at some point, but all of that is very minimal and secretive. If you lack the patience for that, Flover offer a more than adequate substitute for Valo himself, and I’m sure you can find it in the depths of your blackest heartagram to appreciate the appreciation they have for the band we all love. After all, these ARE songs for our broken hearts. [7] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/FLOVERSWEETROCK
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Junior Eurovision Song Contest: Poland 2020

4/12/2020

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Allow me if I may, to cast your minds back...to May; a time of year I anticipate with a varying degree of excitement and self-loathing. A birthday perhaps? No... those never excite me...though statistically people who have more birthdays live longer. That’s a fact. But no, I am of course talking about, the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST.  

​I bet you’re thinking, Gav, you already covered the 2020 Eurovision Song Contest in a rather lengthy, frankly indulgent post? It was cancelled because of Coronavirus, leaving you rather irate with only the 40+ track accompanying album to review...what more could you possibly say? Well, my friends...as it happens, A LOT. You see I may or may not have overlooked the fact that, there is also a JUNIOR version of the song contest, which apparently France won this past weekend. I bet I also know what you’re thinking now; Gav...no, please? They are children?! You couldn’t possibly?!?!? That...sounds darker than it needs to...nevertheless! I am about to review, the Junior Eurovision Song Contest, 2020. Does this count as child abuse? 

While not having the 60+ year heritage of the actual contest, the junior version is itself still in its 18th year and is continuing to grow, providing an international platform for budding young artists and performers hoping to make a career in the music industry. This year the contest was meant to be held in Poland, the first time in Eurovision history a nation has held it twice consecutively, but due to the ongoing issues regarding Covid-19, only 12 nations chose to participate, and it was televised from separate national studios instead of having one live-performance final. With the slogan #MoveTheWorld, it captured a positive message of togetherness and safeguarding the future, as the younger generations look to make the world a better place. Sadly, that time will have to wait, as I’m about to review the shit out of these twelve entries... 

For the purpose of convenience, I’ll be running through the tracks in order of their album placing according to Spotify, as opposed to the actual running order of the final, so if you choose to listen, this list will at least be cohesive whether you agree with me or not, and we start with Belarus. ARINA PEHTEREVA gets us underway with the track “Aliens”, and apparently, she’s only 12 years old. Seriously...what do they put in the water in Belarus? Aside from 70% of the Chernobyl fallout. The semi-hushed, soulful pop effort with brief hip-hop elements sounds far more mature than her 12 years and it's actually an impressive vocal performance... I mean if she’s 12, then I’M an alien...shooketh I am! 

Next up we have Germany, and it marks their first ever entry into the Junior version of the contest. Well, they need something to do in the absence of the Hitler Youth, right? I jest. (Come on it’s been 75 years get over it) ...the track is called “Stronger With You” by a young lady named SUSAN. Really? Not to nit-pick here but, Susan is the least German sounding German ever... doing a weekly grocery shop in ALDI is about as German as Susan gets. I digress. The 14-year-old delivers a traditionally performed pop-ballad in a mixture of German and English, dramatic and cliched, it’s basic, safe Eurovision fodder and sadly boring as a result. She came last by the way. Take that, Susan. 

Moving on to Spain next, and the song “Palante” by a 9-year-old girl by the name of SOLEA. Apparently, a slang term for “Keep going” or, “Go for it” in Spanish, its intent is obviously positive and encouraging, motivational even, and the overall Latino/Hispanic pop grooves while stereotypical, aren’t dreadful. I mean it’s not as shit as “Despacito” ...there...praised a nine-year-old. Quickly hopping across the border then to France and we have our aforementioned winner; an 11-year-old named VALENTINA with a track called “J’imagine”. Other than sounding like Jimmy Saville’s own brand of cologne (Hey why does this smell like Rohyp....zZzZzZz) it’s performed in French, like most of the French entries, and comprises of a predominantly inoffensive, quirky, up-beat piece of sweet-pop. The track itself is nothing spectacular, but what’s funny is someone has edited Valentina’s Wikipedia page, stating that she cheated. No proof, just calling her a cheater. And I thought I was petty and bitter!? That’s actually amused me, well done, random butt-hurt person. 

We’re a third of the way through now thankfully as we head over to Georgia, to check out SANDRA GADELIA and her entry “You Are Not Alone”. To be fair, you are undoubtedly correct here as I cannot be the only one not having a good time right now. Here is the shock twist however...the piano ballad is fuelled by some incredibly and impressively powerful, emotive vocals. This has some presence and one has to tip his hat where it’s warranted. There’s a SLIGHTLY dodgy key-change which makes you question it’s necessity, but other than that, well done; an album high-light this. 

Next up we have KARAKAT BASHANOVA representing Kazakhstan, though while not as popular as Borat globally, she probably brings less shame upon her country. At 12 years old she’s currently attending a musical boarding school where she is classically training in violin and piano, which is beyond evident in the more mature, operatic / ballet composition of the song. It’s quite elegant in all fairness and again, impresses. It’s still pretty safe, your typical ballad in terms of Eurovision, but this young lady has a potentially bright future in musical theatre for sure. Jagshemash!  

Moving swiftly on to Malta next as we find CHANEL MONSEIGNEUR singing her entry “Chasing Sunsets” ...it is, undeniably, yet another by-numbers soft pop-ballad which, for the pre-teen is delivered clearly and confidently and it’s a pleasant pop song as a whole, but this is getting a little rinse and repeat by this point. It’s getting difficult to find anything of real interest...forget chasing sunsets this is more like chasing the dragon now. Also, there is a pattern forming...can our next entry mix things up a bit? Well, a bit is fitting. UNITY who are representing Netherlands here, aren’t just a young female solo artist...no, they are a group of young female artists! Did any boys enter this at all? It’s not a bad thing if they didn’t but it’s certainly interesting. Performing a track called “Best Friends”, they essentially come across as a sort of, teenage LITTLE MIX. Littler Mix, if you will. That about sums up the track. 

We’re into the final third now as we get host nation Poland and their entry “I’ll Be Standing”, by ALA TRACZ. Not to be confused with Alcatraz, but it does feel like I’ve served some sort of life sentence up to this point. It’s got an assertive chorus rich in percussion, brass AND synth elements while the young lady fleets back and forth her native tongue and English vocals, and really its quite up-beat; this is far from the worst track here. Serbia are up next and we get our first male performer of the contest...PETAR ANICIC and his song “Heartbeat”...and I’m not going to lie when I say my mind instantly went to some, Serbian rip-off of a certain 1960’s Yorkshire based police drama. I can’t imagine Serbian police letting Greengrass off so lightly for poaching though if I’m honest. Anyway, it’s another piano ballad, what a surprise. 

Our penultimate track comes from Russia with love, as SOFIA FESKOVA performs her track “My New Day” and it’s yet another, sickly-sweet pop-ballad. I mean she’s clearly got Disney+ at home going by this track...I wouldn’t be surprised if she ran into the woods to sing this to the animals quite frankly but, being Russia it’s probably safer not to. Be like Snow White, but instead of seven dwarves she’d stumble across seven prisoners of war in some forgotten gulag. Finally then, we round things up with the Ukraine’s entry; “Vidkryvai (Open Up)” by a lad named OLEKSANDR BALABANOV (Do-do-dododo...sorry I just had to). It’s more of a soulful slow jam with a touch more character than a lot of the tracks here and he’s got a uniquely blended vocal and it ends the album on a better note. 

While I praise the variety and character of the original Eurovision Song Contest, my first experience of the Junior contest hasn’t been completely encouraging. Sure, there have been one or two impressive vocal performances for the age range we’re talking about, and we can’t overlook the fact that the majority of countries pulled out because of Covid-19, but the tracks that made up the remaining contestants failed to excite or inspire. You could argue that, as children, they are having songs written for them...true, but so do the adults most of the time. The difference is, with children, you aren’t going to get ridiculous entries like LORDI...you aren’t going to have artists like CONCHITA or HATARI making bold statements, you’re going to get things pretty safe, and sadly that’s exactly what we had here. Fair play to them mind, they got up on stage and they sang for their countries, and they should be proud of themselves. Except you Susan...you came last. 
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Cindy - "Free Advice"

11/10/2020

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Some of the best things in life are free; like, that 7th cup of McDonalds coffee after you’ve already paid for six, and now have a caffeine addiction, because you got them all in one day instead of over the course of the week...or that “Songs Of Innocence” album by U2 that everybody had but nobody wanted (Show me on the doll where iTunes touched you Timmy...it’s OK), but what about free advice? You’ve all heard ‘don’t eat yellow snow’...OK Ehren McGhehey missed that memo, but generally, these things are obvious, and aimed at dumb people. Sorry Ehren. 

So then, what are today’s band trying to tell us? CINDY are a San Francisco based 4-piece consisting of guitarist/lead vocalist Karina Gill, guitarist Aaron Diko, bassist Jesse Jackson and drummer Simon Phillips, and have recently released their new album “Free Advice” through Mt. St. Mtn. and Tough Love Records. The label got in touch via email advising me to check it out...whether I advise YOU to do so however remains to be seen. 

The album opens up with “Discount Lawyer” and I’ll start with some free advice straight away. If you’re in a position where you do find yourself requiring a lawyer, don’t skimp...the last thing you want is your own defence lawyer shouting objection when the jury finds you NOT guilty. I digress...the track itself is a very subdued piece of hushed, lo-fi indie pop. The delicately strummed guitars are backed by an equally soft synth underlay, while Karina’s vocals are reduced to little more than a whispered, spoken word delivery, resulting in a very slow, stripped back, icy opener. 

We follow this up with the first of two, yes two, album highlights...sounds specific but I counted all of them I promise. “Falcon Heavy” utilises a similar tone in terms of their writing and playing, with all of the same elements, but the guitars and percussion here, while still minimal are more up-beat, and the track has a more jovial, positive quirkiness as a result. It’s chirpy in its simplicity and quite a pleasant little listen. “Wrong Answer” then turns everything up a notch or two courtesy of some more assertive, fuzzy guitars and a more rock-based approach, despite the vocals still suffering from a lack of presence. With all of those positives out of the way however, there are still eight tracks to sit through, and I make that sound more encouraging than it is. 

“Song 23” is only song five on the album, but feels like song two HUNDRED and three...the slow, dreary semi-acoustic piece of mellow instrumentation induces immediate sadness...take away the lyrics and it sounds like the rainy church scene in Disney’s Robin Hood, with the little mouse priest playing the organ in utter despondency in the face of hopelessness. Remember that? Depressed yet? I am. We have “A Song In French” which you’ll be shocked to learn isn’t in Japanese...there isn’t much to be said here really...take all of the above references to depression and translate them to French. Job done. “CSI Creeptown” to be honest sounds like a program I’d genuinely watch on TV, but sadly it isn’t an offshoot of the popular crime drama, what it IS, is more of the same, sombre indie. 

This sadly, is a stylistic approach that the album sticks to rather rigidly, which by closing number “Lost On Me”, sums up exactly how I feel about the album as a whole. I’m sure there’s a market and audience for this, funeral parlours perhaps, but jokes aside, very little here grips you. As a mature piece of ambient shoegaze it’s so quaint in its presentation, but so utterly boring. iTunes, actually, U2, I apologise. Cindy...here’s some free advice...quit while you’re behind. [2] 
WWW.CINDYTHEBAND.BANDCAMP.COM/MUSIC
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William Shatner - "The Blues"

6/10/2020

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Music: the final frontier. These are the voyages of GavTheGothicChav. My continuing mission, to explore strange new albums. To seek out new sounds and new genres. To boldly go where no reviewer has gone before! *Strange angelic vocal harmonies surround me while I Naruto-run around HMV* I find myself weirdly drawn to an unfamiliar section of the store...uncharted, if you will, and there it is. What I lay my eyes upon, no amount of Vulcan logic can explain...an album the likes of which, not even the fiercest Klyngon warrior would dare initiate combat...but it is my prime directive. I have to review; “The Blues” by WILLIAM SHATNER. 

Yes, William Shatner is, as you should be well aware, one of the most iconic pop-culture actors and performers to ever grace television and Hollywood. As James T. Kirk, he captained the USS Enterprise as Star Trek travelled beyond cult status, helping create a global sci-fi phenomenon still adored to this day. But while he is primarily remembered for this role, the man’s career spans seven decades, and as well as other film and tv projects, in 2020, at the age of 89...we find him releasing music. It wouldn’t be the first time; he’s released country and spoken word works in the past...but here we find him singing the blues...the question is, is this merely another entry in the captain's log, or just a steaming pile of Shatner? Let’s find out... 

The album opens up with “Sweet Home Chicago”, which, for a man born in Montreal is already casting suspicions. Instrumentally it’s fine it has to be said, the general rhythm and guitar tone here is textbook blues; it’s got that very distinct feel and energy and ticks all of the right blues rock boxes for about as cliched a listen as you could get, but vocally...in the words of George Takei...OH MY! Shatner has always been renowned for his off-kilter verbiage...he’s always delivered his lines in an almost disjointed manner while acting...but he does it singing too. It just sounds strange! Perhaps the blues allows for this as, like jazz, you just go where the mood and music takes you, but it still makes for a peculiar listen. 

Let’s be honest here Shatner is no singer and this album was never going to amaze anyone with his vocal prowess, especially at 89, but we’ll sift through some positives. “Sunshine Of Your Love” and “Born Under A Bad Sign” showcase some of the albums more favourable performances...the guitars on the former allow for a darker, more brooding delivery. Lyrically I guess it’s a sweet love song as the title suggests but somehow Shatner makes it sound anything BUT consensual, which in it’s own ways is as funny as it is creepy. The latter then sounds like it could come straight out of a movie scene in some down-and-out roadhouse, but instead of starring someone cool like Patrick Swayze, it would be like, Rob Schneider or something. 

​CANNED HEAT classic “Let’s Work Together” gets a showing and again, instrumentally it’s fine but Shatner sounds more like a motivational speaker or, site manager on a tight deadline as opposed to a singer, while his cover of “I Put A Spell On You” is, frankly remarkable. It’s a song that’s been covered multiple times over the years, but, credit to him, Shatner still manages to put a unique spin on it, only reinforced by the accompanying animated video which, I will let you just experience for yourself below. That right there really, I suppose is the best way to summarise this album...it’s not something you can simply listen to, it’s something you really just have to experience. As I said musically and instrumentally, it’s fine, he’s got some quality musicians driving this album, luckily, but vocally he’s got as much talent as a dead Tribble. With that said...the end of the album please Mr. Sulu...warp 9, that’s an order. [1] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/WILLIAMSHATNER
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D.O.L - "Between Love And Death" EP

21/9/2020

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It’s been quite a while since I enjoyed some fresh Finnish Gothic rock...Ville Valo from HIM dropped a lovely little surprise EP earlier this year, but now he’s an ambassador (Or something) for Paulig Presedentti, some, 100-year-old coffee brand, so who knows when he’ll be releasing any new music. THE 69 EYES released “West End” last year which was naturally one of my albums of 2019, but what about new bands? Gothic rock isn’t exactly in demand right now, (To be honest, was it ever?) And you seldom find any new artists embracing the genre, we’re always relying on our old favourites to deliver the goods...well today we hope to rectify that. 

The wonderful folk over at INVERSE RECORDS sent me an email regarding a band by the name of D.O.L, asking me to check them out. Initially formed in 2017 as more of a metalcore outfit, they’ve since restructured and now, consisting of members MC on lead vocals and guitar, fellow guitarist Hades, bassist Jyka, drummer Catsy and keyboardist Lauri, we find them peddling in more Gothic rock affairs. This month saw them release their debut EP by the name of “Between Love And Death” ...so with that in mind, let’s get dolled up and find out where exactly. 

The EP opens up with “Recreational Death” which is officially my new favourite term for suicide. What do you do in your downtime? Oh you know; a little crochet...spot of yoga...a little recreational death here and there. I digress; the track kicks off with some slow, steady percussion and minimal riff-work before it undertakes a more synth-driven sound. The electronic tones in turn both counter and compliment MC’s vocals which are admittedly, really quite coarse, but they blend well enough. Combined with the harder rock backing, they sound like they’d easily appeal to fans of ENTWINE or maybe on a lesser scale, THE BLACK CAPES for example. The guitar solo is great too, this is a promising start. 

​There are a few enjoyable offerings here to be fair, such as the lead single “My Juliet” which puts a lot more emphasis on the synth elements for an ever so slightly colder, darker albeit catchier listen. The general instrumentation is very much more leaning towards a classic rock style, as proven by another impressively slick solo, with the more Gothic aspects being a subtle underlaying aesthetic giving their sound just that extra touch of flavour. Closing track “Love Denied” too utilises the same qualities allowing for a wonderful dose of catchy alternative rock, ending the EP on a genuine high note...but...there is something we have to address, and lads; you were doing so well. 

It’s not uncommon for a new band looking to get noticed do so by means of a cheeky cover song...HIM did wonders with “Wicked Game” after all...but when you make a song your own, you’re meant to do the song justice, not make the original artists want to disown the fucking thing! The track in question is “Hurt”...yes THAT “Hurt”, by NINE INCH NAILS. The original was such a somber, haunting recording it became instantly iconic and to this day remains a definitive Gothic anti-ballad. The late, legendary JOHNNY CASH braved a cover himself but his own stripped-back, acoustic rendition was so emotionally raw and powerful, he arguably bested Trent Reznor.  

Here however? Oh boy...it starts off well enough with the slow-burn introduction and musically there’s nothing wrong with attempting a harder approach, sometimes a new take, a new twist on a track can have surprisingly effective outcomes...but vocally? Merciful god, MC sounds like he actually IS hurt, like, in actual physical pain...like the poor fucker stood on some Lego while walking into the recording booth. His angst-ridden forceful vocal is so jarring with the original that it sounds wrong, like it’s not even the same song. I’m not exaggerating when I say despite being DEAD for the past seventeen years, Johnny Cash can still do a better job! Despite this, there’s enough original content here that shows a lot of promise as the five-piece move forward, and they have a plethora of Finnish alternative dark-rock bands to take notes from while they find their own sound and style, but that cover needs to go. Hurt? I just became addicted to painkillers THINKING about it. [5] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/DOL.ROCKBAND
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Danzig - "Sings Elvis"

1/9/2020

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ELVIS PRESLEY...the rightful king of rock ‘n’ roll, who...rather appropriately died on his throne of porcelain back in 1977. OK that maybe slightly fabricated but he WAS found dead in his bathroom (The shitting is purely speculation). Nevertheless. Elvis was and still is not only a Bonafide pop-culture icon, but inspiration to so many people from all walks of life. Ranging from Elvis look-alike contests and conventions, to his appearance being gimmicked by the WWF in the 80’s for the Honky Tonk Man...to being parodied by UK comedy “Father Ted” in the 90’s (The 3 stages of Elvis will always be funny). 

But what about a strictly musical level? Let’s face it, if it weren’t for his success, we’d perhaps not have anyone ranging from CHUCK BERRY to THE BEATLES...and without them? The sheer level of butterfly effect is barely comprehendible! But, let’s not fall into any genre trappings here, let’s put to one side the general evolution of rock ‘n’ roll and focus on Elvis’ himself for now. He was very distinct for his almost baritone crooning and vocal drawl as much as he was for his hip-swinging swagger. Artists from all walks of life emulate him to a degree, take Jyrki from THE 69 EYES for example: he very much channels a gothic Elvis vibe for THE 69 CATS side-project and it works rather well. However, a name I wasn’t really expecting...was DANZIG. Yes, the original vocalist of pioneering horror-punks THE MISFITS and Sigourney Weaver’s long-lost steroidal twin has this year released his OWN album of select Elvis covers via CLEOPATRA RECORDS, talk about a fucking hybrid moment! With that said, this suspicious mind needs to check this out... 

Now I’ll preface this by stating that I myself am not a massive Elvis fan, and most of the songs I DO know of, aren’t here which is incredibly helpful in the most sarcastic sense possible....so what DO I know? Let’s start with the single “Always On My Mind”...a classic you’ll all agree? Well to be fair here, he stays true to the slow-jam, sombre piano ballad and vocally does his best to retain the original sentiment of the track, delivering a somewhat morose, emotional croon, albeit a touch more gravelled. This isn’t some harsh punk-goth project...he’s actually, seemingly taking this rather seriously. Whether that’s a good thing remains to be seen. Additional single “One Night” which had its initial success in 1957 gets similar treatment here...the tempo remains the same generally and he does his best to honour the kings crooning, but we have more prominent, grittier guitar fuelling the track instead of the classic, now innocent sense of early rock ‘n’ roll. 

Another classic track “Fever” (Although one of many that aren’t necessarily Elvis originals) has been covered countless times. Ranging from PEGGY LEE to MICHAEL BUBLE, the tracks always had a certain, sultry mystique. The minimalist yet captivating lounge jazz piece is again here done traditionally and is arguably the albums highlight. Another would be the cover of ARTHUR GUNTER’s “Baby Let’s Play House” and here we at least have more of that original up-beat greaser-gang rockabilly vibe and it’s a fun little inclusion. The rest of the album, sadly, drags more than a slug's knackers.  

Glenn Danzig may very well be a huge fan of Elvis and other classic artists such as THE DOORS for example, and by all means he has every right to express that adoration via a respectful cover's album, but not everyone IS a big a fan of Elvis as he is, and the die-hard ones are likely to give this about as much attention as Elvis did his dietitian. Sure, the deeper cuts show you know your stuff and you may want to be highlighting certain favourites, but a larger audience could have possibly found more enjoyment and appreciation in more of the well-known hits. Your target audience is fucking niche at best already mate! The thought was there, as was the passion, but this was ironically, a miss-fit. Glenn...please listen...and if I may paraphrase; a little less covering Elvis and a little more punk rock please. [2] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/DANZIG
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Calling All Astronauts - "#Resist"

12/8/2020

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Back in May, you may remember I debuted a new feature for this blog under the moniker of “Unlucky Dip”, where I’d focus on reviewing a varied selection of singles instead of one album or EP, with the idea of showcasing more artists and more musical variety in one swoop. It’s now August and I’ve still only done two such posts...honestly, I put the ‘pro’ in procrastinate. Anyway, I’m referring back to that initial post because within it I talked about a band called CALLING ALL ASTRONAUTS, and I’m finally getting around to the new record! 

Yes, in May the London 3-piece (Consisting of vocalist and programmer David B, guitarist JJ and bassist Paul “Buzzsaw” McCrudden) dropped the single “Welcome To The Black Bloc” and it was an entertaining dose of up-tempo synth-rock, rich in social commentary and the ongoing issues with equality and acceptance, and it made for an encouraging listen. This Summer they followed it up with the brand-new album “#Resist” and I couldn’t resist giving it a listen any longer. I mean, technically, what actually happened was I forgot it had come out, but that doesn’t sound as good now, does it? Anyway, let’s check it out... 

The album opens up with “The Holy Trinity” and it’s a primarily slower, methodical start...granted it’s atmospheric in its own chilling way, combining cold electronic elements with crunching, sporadic riffs. A song of corruption from the top, mocking both church and state through the trinity of greed, power and war, highlighting societal and class disparity, and it sets the tone for the album fairly early on. The political tones run throughout this record pretty clearly as proven with early highlight “Divided States Of America”, which again pitches the idea of the lower, working classes, clueless as to what actually goes on within office and government...trusting their politicians and leaders, but maybe not truly realising what they’re even voting for as they are fed only what they want to hear. It’s delivered with an appropriately edgier, up-beat sound, incorporating subtle punk aesthetics while retaining the electronic aspects and it makes for an enjoyable listen. 

There are a couple of highlights to point out over the course of the eleven tracks to be fair...we’ve already pointed out the initial single “Welcome To The Black Bloc”, but elsewhere we have the likes of “Fifteen Minutes”, which while enjoyable is a bit of a cliché at this point creatively. It takes a stab at commercialism and blasts plastic pop-stars who have everything written for them, instant fame and celebrity status without working near half as hard as independent, or, underground artists. Like I said its cliché at this point but it’s encouraging to see the passion still there from bands such as the Astronauts. The relevance and popularity of these pop-stars is usually temporary, and this track generally highlights the flaws in the music industry machine that churns them out.  

​My personal favourite would have to be “Post Truth World”, which utilises all of the same musical ingredients; dark, garage rock and electronica, but here we take a slightly more retro approach thanks to some early synth, post-punk elements and It's a nice little throwback. The simplicity works in its favour here, getting the most out of the basic hooks and instrumentation, it’s just a no-nonsense piece of proto-goth and it works. Elsewhere, “#Resist” mostly follows a similar formula and pattern squeezing every last drop out of all the aforementioned styles and influences. It’s a solid album from start to finish, but apart from the tracks stated, little else truly stands out. Instrumentally fine, they’ll easily appeal to fans of the likes of PITCHSHIFTER and early, experimental post-punk / dark-wave artists, but vocally on times a little one-dimensional. Socio-politically astute alternative rock soaked in liberalism, common sense and equality, which is fitting really, given how 2020 is unfolding so far... [7] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/CALLINGALLASTRONAUTS
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Aline Mayne - "Nothing To Lose" EP

29/7/2020

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Warning: The following review features words written either by a professional, or under the false-pretense of professionalism...accordingly; GavTheGothicChav and his non-existent editors must insist than no one attempt to recreate, or reenact, or, generally rationalize for that matter, any of the words you are about to read... 

You may indeed recognize that introductory paragraph as a parody of the original “Jackass” disclaimer, and rightfully be thinking to yourself, where the hell is this going? Well I’ll tell you. ALINE MAYNE was born in Brussels, Belgium and while you may not instantly recognize her name or face, you could very well have already seen her perform, as she is an established stunt-double and on-screen persona, having worked on successful shows such as “Gotham” and “Fear The Walking Dead”. Granted she does her stunts properly, unlike the lads from Jackass, but you know I love a segue.  
 
Anyway, aside from this, her love of performance art doesn’t stop there, as she’s also incredibly accomplished in the field of music. From a young age she’s studied piano and composition, performed in various local rock bands growing up, studied classical singing and performed in a choir too. Does this mean we’re in for an operatic symphonic metal treat? Does it fuck. Aline recently released an EP by the name of “Nothing To Lose” and quite frankly, it’s my only reasoning going into this review. I mean you COULD argue my sanity but that’s long gone let’s be honest...anyway...let’s check this out. 
 
We open up with the title track, nice and traditionally, but it's a faltering start. Her vocals are delivered in a predominantly flat, monotone style that, while giving off a subtle robotic aesthetic, come off as not so much retro but regrettable. Granted, the chorus picks up with more up-beat energy, allowing for some pretty straightforward electro-pop, but it’s as good as it gets here. Realistically there is plenty to lose truth be told...my interest for one, which would have in turn had a domino effect on my will to live had it not been for the chorus. This is not a very promising start. 

Luckily the EP salvages itself next with the highlight track “Break Your Heart” and there are a variety of, not so much influences, but styles I’m picking up throughout this track. The initial pulse of the electronica alongside the basic percussion and vocal delivery reminds me of RACHEL STEVENS in ways...but with more obvious nods to modern pop acts too such as LADY GAGA or early KATY PERRY. The simplicity of this one is honestly charming; the chorus may be repetitive but the beat, rhythm and overall tone here is pleasant and in terms of delivery, this is much better. The same can be said of closing track “Suicide Love” which utilizes more of a soft drum’n’bass instrumentation which allows for an up-tempo more exciting listen, and it does close the EP on a somewhat positive note. 
 
Sadly, the other two tracks aren’t quite as encouraging...”Spoil Me” may have slightly retro synths and another vibrant chorus, simple hooks again, but it’s very run of the mill pop music which does fall into the trap of repetition. The materialistic nature of the track, be it ironic or not, holds zero interest. “Bubble Gum Dream” then gives off more of an R’n’B chillout vibe with a hint of synth pop for essentially the most boring of the five tracks presented here. There are some forced vocals which don’t sound too pleasant towards the tracks climax, in addition to the track itself being quite lifeless. Let’s face it if you’re dreaming of bubble gum, you’re either Willy Wonka or on drugs...quite possibly both. Come to think of it a drugged up Wonka sounds a lot more entertaining. 

Ultimately, Aline may be a classically trained musician and choir vocalist with all the experience in the world, but this EP doesn’t strictly do her justice. She’s gone for a marketable formula sure; I can totally understand that, the mainstream pop aesthetic will shift units, get her on more radio, TV spots, you name it, but she’s played it far too safely and sadly generically to really stand out from, well, anyone. There is potential there, this EP isn’t awful per se, but unfortunately “Nothing To Lose” lost my attention, and that bubble gum dream just burst. [4] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/ALINEMAYNEMUSIC
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Juliper Sky - "Visions Of A New Age" EP

17/6/2020

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When I posted my 2nd “Unlucky Dip” collective singles review, I joked that it was weird for me to not have roasted any of them, and that I had in fact enjoyed each of the seven tracks to varying degrees. This was of course eventually proven too good to be true, when I recently reviewed the debut album by London pop-duo BEFORE SUNDAY, on the back of their inclusion in the feature. Let’s be honest they essentially catfished me with their GHOST cover! Well anyway, this next review also happens to be taken from that singles collection, but this is actually intended to be a way to make up for a passive aggressive write up I gave the band in question…

I know what you’re thinking…Gav? Apologising for comments made in a review? How much have they paid him!? Well fret not, I don’t do bribes (I’d accept the money, but write an even WORSE review then deny any transactions! #RickySpanish) but I will hold my hands up for being a dick. The band in question are JULIPER SKY and the Manchester based outfit (Consisting of lead vocalist Jamie Lambert, guitarists Dan Parker and Liam Grindell, bassist Roger Damen and drummer Ben Pursehouse) have a new track due out called “Afterglow”, which I featured in my round-up. It was a decent enough track, akin to the likes of BLOSSOMS, but I had no track to share, to music video to share, not even the artwork for the single, so I was a bit bitchy. This, believe it or not, made me feel a tad guilty, so I thought I’d revisit their newest EP, which also came out this year, and do a proper review. With that said, let’s check out “Visions Of A New Age”…what could go wrong?

The EP greets us rather appropriately with “Waves” and immediately we’re thrust into a blissfully light, delicate dreamscape of sounds and sensations. The percussion is subtle and unimposing, allowing the tinny guitars and gentle synth effects to accompany Lambert’s lulling vocals wonderfully, and it’s a sweet little start, almost KEANE-like. “Reflections Of The Winter Sun” then follows up and while not poles apart in terms of sound in the slightest, for the approach is ultimately the same, the suggestive nature of the title itself allows the instrumentation to take on an icy, crystalized tone, and while slightly lower in tempo, the musical narrative manages to set quite a scene.

Next up we have EP highlight “Magnetise” and here we get more of the soft indie aspects that appealed to me the first time I heard them…again here appealing to fans of the more soothing output of the newest BLOSSOMS record but they retain a certain pop influence that you may find in the style of say, MARK OWEN for example, before we finish up on “Heaven” and we return to the by now cemented preference for dreamy, shoegaze fuelled indie-pop, as the EP continues to meander peacefully through your speakers as it draws to a close. Overall it’s a lovely little selection of tracks, for sure, instantly accessible and tailor made for mainstream radio play given the opportunities, that I won’t and can’t deny…what I CAN do however, is say with personal preference that it doesn’t necessarily tick all of my boxes. An indie ballad can work incredibly well, look at “Yellow” by COLDPLAY, or “Caroline, Yes” by KAISER CHIEFS, hell even “Wonderwall” if you want to go there, but they’ve got a bit more bite, a bit more drive; a bit more passion. These four tracks, as lovely as they are, just lack that certain edge that could elevate them further. These visions of a new age, while promising, are a little bit blurry at this moment in time. [5]
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/JULIPERSKY
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Before Sunday - "Anticipation"

13/6/2020

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The other day, when I shared my newest “Unlucky Dip” collection, despite my clear favourites, there was one new artist in particular that peaked my interest; I’m just yet to determine if it was for all the right or wrong reasons. Yes you may remember me including a London-based duo by the name of BEFORE SUNDAY, who alongside some selected peers through Angels PR, covered “Square Hammer” by GHOST. Now I like this song a lot and you may recall I regarded the move as nothing short of bold, but the track was covered fairly traditionally without any needless bells and whistles, and credit to them they did it justice. Here is where the curiosity often kills the cat…

Given the band and track they covered, and having known nothing about the band prior to hearing said cover, I had to ask myself, was this a potentially new, up-and-coming alternative goth pop band? Can I look forward to some modern post-punk? Hell I’d settle for some retro dark-pop! In this instance…we sadly do not get any of those things. Yes the duo who make up Before Sunday; Nick Basis and Stella Panteloudi are a straight up pop act that just happen to appreciate a little rock ‘n’ roll influence here and there, and quite frankly I’m feeling catfished. But seeing as we’re here, they released their debut album recently entitled “Anticipation”…let me just tell you that mine has gone through the floor as opposed to the roof.

The album opens up with “Living In London” which to be fair is quite a catchy little piece of social commentary; highlighting the living conditions of living in the British capital, with the general ignorance of society leaving you feel alone in a population of millions…the generally overpriced day-to-day living and the often shitty weather. They paint a pretty bleak picture but I’m sure very many can relate. The track itself is a guitar driven piece of soft rock with ample swagger and a certain vocal drawl that in some ways finds itself between JOAN JETT and MILEY CYRUS…it’s a decent opener. “Big House” then follows up and the direction changes somewhat to say the least. The rockier guitars are replaced with more of a light, soulful funk aesthetic which coupled with the core pop delivery could pass for some, KYLIE MINOGUE or ALPHABEAT.

Even though the album is only ten tracks in length, it still manages to find itself book-ended with the better tracks at the beginning and the end, with the middle sort of just, existing. “Obsessions” for example is a wonderfully heartfelt, sombre piano/synth led pop ballad with a soaring vocal chorus. “Goddess” combines those gentle ballad qualities but brings back the funk-rich guitars and marries them with some innocently sweet vocal notes, before “Devil” rounds the album off on another guitar driven, rockier high note. It’s got a certain surging urgency to its delivery when it’s in full flow and the up-tempo intensity is welcome…they left it late but we actually get some of the slightest hints at more metallic instrumentation here that could be tied in to that Ghost cover.

As I said the middle of the album is generally generic pop music…the vocals on “Unconditional” are well produced and fine, “Gone” gives off Eurovision power ballad vibes and “Closed Doors” adapts more of a random country-pop aesthetic. While there’s nothing necessarily bad here, it’s a fine pop album with some good quality clean production, I can’t get that Ghost cover out of my head and can’t help but be somewhat disappointed by this album, which is a shame because there’s nothing wrong with it for what it is. It’s got its charm and does highlight a variety of genre influences all streamlined into one collection of quirky pop, but I was hoping for something more. I don’t even know what…maybe even like, OF MONSTERS & MEN or a SHINY TOY GUNS or something along those lines, which, sadly these are not. Before Sunday? More like never in a month of Sunday’s. [5]
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/BEFORESUNDAYBAND
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L'Homme Absurde - "Belong"

12/6/2020

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Remember the phenomenon that was ‘Chuck Norris Facts’? The man / minor deity can do so many astonishing yet equally absurd things, like, being able to make fire by rubbing ice cubes, or, being the only person able to kick you in the back of the face, or even being able to speak French…in Russian. I could go on (Literally I can read them for hours and laugh to myself quite contently) but it’s that last one that tediously links me to today’s band because I am unable to just, review things normally. Yes, allow me to introduce you to today’s band; L’HOMME ABSURDE.

Hailing from Moscow, Russia, yet with a French name that translates as ‘The Absurd Human’, L’Homme Absurde are a progressive post-hardcore five-piece, consisting of vocalist Alexey Slavin, guitarists Alexandr Safronov & Roman Savenkov, bassist Pavel Gorshkov and drummer Evgeny Loboda, and they’ve been gradually building their reputation since their formation in 2016. With their fusion of metalcore and melodic black metal, they hope to continue to spread their absurdity across Europe with their newest album “Belong”…but do they belong in my ears? Noob Heavy PR asked me to check it out…

The album opens up with “0” which is pretty appropriate given the way this album kicks off…it’s all about momentum, all is still as we get nothing but relaxed percussion and some semi-dreamscape acoustic instrumentation while the record comes to life, as it’s pulse strengthens,  but we suddenly find ourselves enveloped in a blanket of brutally tortured vocals and a more metallic approach in tone, despite its melodic retention. It gives us a sense of artistic drive and direction early on, for sure. First track proper then “Rot” capitalises on the surging blackened metal tendencies the band have by pummelling the listener with a barrage of semi-psychotic instrumentation. Equally melodic yet mauling; it summarises the bands sounds wonderfully.

This can be said of album highlight “Separation” too which takes an almost early post-punk direction with the initial guitars, before we break into more snarled vocals and post-hardcore riff work; this is arguably as catchy as things get over the course of these eight tracks, finding it’s home between the likes of KVELERTAK and MAN THE MACHETES. It’s up-beat and rocking, all the while groove rich and melodic, and a superb piece of modern metal. Elsewhere “Burn” and “Forsaken” continue this approach of searing blackened melodies while incorporating subtle doom atmospherics into the more traditional metal guitar work, before we eventually finish up on ”Sanctuary”. The semi-acoustic opening and soft vocals allowing for a sense of closure and finality to wind the mood down somewhat…or so we thought, as this too erupts into a visceral barrage of pained vocals at the tracks midway point, peaking with a final flurry, before the low-key instrumentation transitions right back into “0” and we appropriately come full circle, as the album essentially loops, which is cleverly done.

Overall, while Russia isn’t exactly prominent in the world metal scene in terms of household names, L’Homme Absurde are clearly equipped to throw down with some of their more established Scandinavian neighbours. Blackened metalcore may sound a touch niche on paper but there’s enough here in terms of subtle variety to at least warrant checking this out for most fans of alternative heavy music. It’s a solid album and one that could potentially find them larger audiences across Europe, and to suggest otherwise would be, well, absurd. [6]
WWW.LHOMMEABSURDEBM.BANDCAMP.COM
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Purveyors Of Sonic Doom - "Sonic Colossus" EP

9/6/2020

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You know when I say that I’m hopeless at keeping on top of my emails and submissions? Well ladies and gentlemen, this review is about to absolutely confirm that. Back in motherfucking JANUARY I was sent an email by the team over at Noob Heavy PR, and they brought to my attention a Canadian group called PURVEYORS OF SONIC DOOM. Now the name is pretty self-explanatory, but the email in question was to inform me that they were dropping a new double EP set; “Eyeless Void” and “Entombed Black Earth” respectively…

Given some of the artists and releases I’ve seen over the past year or so, I made an educated guess and thought to myself…I COULD cover the EP’s now, BUT, odds on the tracks will be bundled into a full length album of some sort somewhere down the line, so I’ll save myself the hassle and wait for the album. This…was a mistake. Having checked up on the duo (Consisting of guitarist/vocalist Ted Gloom and drummer/vocalist Nick Tooms) I find that no…they have not bundled things into one album…oh no…they have in fact now got fucking FOUR EP’s on the go. They keep this up and I’m going to be taken over by some sort of sludge metal mitosis…so let’s get this out of the way.

We’ll start off with “Eyeless Void” and its title track, and it’s got about as much momentum as a set of church bells before a minute’s silence. I actually thought the track was stuck on a loop, until it eventually shifts up a gear…though by that I mean it just, does the same with a couple more BPM. This is such a monotonous, deep chugging affair; it’s actually more of a pointless void. If you manage to sit through it mind at the five and half minute mark it does actually come to life a bit, but by then, really, who cares? “Rot Covered Gold” if anything is inaccurate because gold doesn't rot in the conventional sense, so there’s that…and the song itself is more of the same, thought at least we have vocals this time. Sparse, but they are there; echoed and torn in anguish like they too are lost in this void. “Flayed One” seems to showcase more urgency with the more continuous riff work and suspenseful key changes, though it ultimately slows down to more of the same, before we round off with a cover of HELL HAMMER’s “Third Of Storms” from 1983’s “Satanic Rites”. Naturally, nearly four decades on, the production will sound better…but the fuzzy, distorted barrage of sludge detracts from the rawness of the early black metal, and the slower tempo does nothing for it…

Next up we have the “Entombed Black Earth” EP and we kick off with “Sea Farers Lament” and while the intro suggests we’re going to have some cleaner, or smoother production quality, we’re soon back to normal with the same sludge-thick riffs and more of the almost vacuous vocals that sound, again, lost…or maybe appropriately entombed. It sounds like he’s singing into one of those old children’s toy microphones that make your voice all warbly and echoed for a while. “Mongrel Dog”, has certain atmospheric elements, giving off a cold, icy tone, while the title track, “Astral Witch”  and “Titan Blood” all share similar tropes and qualities, and very little differentiates either from the other. Here is where I realise, after fifty minutes of music, I should have run the review back when I was first aware of these two EP’s…now I have two more…please improve.

The third EP is “Mankind Is Unkind” and given the current state of the world with the events that are unfolding, that statement couldn’t possibly be any truer. “Old Lore” gets us underway here and there’s a brief spoken word segment about flipping over to side B, so maybe I was meant to listen to this last? I don’t know…but it doesn’t take long for those sluggish, chugging, doom-inspired riffs to take command of the track. They have perked up a LITTLE bit however, as proven towards the climax of “Bachanalian”, where they up the ante in terms of the thrashier aspects of their metal, and it’s here a pattern is clearer. Slow, lethargic sludge thick metal, quick bursts of blackened thrash and then back to the dolorous doom rich riffs. It’s practically copy and paste…speaking of which, we have the “Sonic Colossus” EP. It’s essentially just the “Entombed…” EP remastered, but they’ve replaced “Mongrel…” with a new title track…that’s all it is. That track itself has another lengthy, drawn out intro, before we randomly have a sound bite from the famous “Daddy Chill” video, where the old dude demands “What the hell is even that?!”…and that right there perfectly summarises this series of EP’s for me.

​While there are glimmers of hope and interest scattered across these four EP’s, like the switches in tonality here and there that allow some of the riffs to sound more varied, and where the blackened thrash aspects work best despite being underutilised, the vast majority of the recordings here follow too much of the same formula, let alone the recycled tracks. Yes I know that, any doom-inspired audio is going to run the risk of being slow, labouring and monotonous, but this level of rinse and repeat is the sludge metal equivalent of ED SHEERAN…now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to have my ears syringed with a use heroin needle. [3]
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/PURVEYORSOFSONICDOOM
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Unlucky Dip (08/06/2020)

8/6/2020

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OK so, back in May I debuted a new blog feature which I dubbed the "Unlucky Dip", where I take a break from reviewing full length albums and EP's, to give the singles a chance. It not only allows me to cover a wider variety of artists and genres in one swoop, but it reminds me of albums that will be coming out, and helps me clear more of my never ending barrage of emails. Last time around I was a little mean to one or two of the artists, but as I did point out, this feature IS a sort of cross between speed dating and a comedy roast. Luckily for these seven new artists I generally like all of the tracks I'm about to talk about, which is rare...unluckily for you however this may not be as much of an enjoyable read as the last one! Anyway, with that said, let's get into some music.

The Sounds - "Safe As Sound"

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I'd like to kick things off with some genuine positivity and excitement. THE SOUNDS are one of the bands I can thank Bam Margera for getting me into way back in the day, and while I was happy to have them back with their EP "The Tales That We Tell" in 2017, we haven't had a full album from Maja and co in seven years!

"Safe And Sound" is the latest single, taken from the highly anticipated new album "Things We Do For Love", which drops June 12th. Originally planned for a May release but put back due to Covid-19, their blend of lightly electronic tinged indie rock 'n' roll sounds as distinct and fresh as ever here...I guess you could say they haven't missed a Tony the beat! I'm very much looking forward to this album and you can expect to find it in my end of year lists for sure.

Jordan Lake - "Hunters & Wolves"

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This one was a submission from the people over at Pop Rush Music and as far as I can tell, this is a stand alone single, as there's been no mention to me of any releases to follow this up. The single in question; "Hunters & Wolves" is by an artist by the name of JORDAN LAKE. Not to be confused with the reservoir, Jordan was born in North Carolina and found his love for singing very early on.

At the age of 4 he became a church singer at his local parish and has had a passion for performing ever since. Now older and having relocated to the West coast, Jordan is writing mature, soulful and emotive pop music that in it's own ways bridges the likes of ADAM LAMBERT with RAG 'N' BONE MAN. Listen below and let me know what you think!

Gaerea - "Null"

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Well..this escalated quickly! GAEREA are a self-confessed cathartic black metal outfit from Portugal, and they were brought to my attention by the folk over at Season Of Mist. 

"Null" is the first track to be taken off their up-coming third album "Limbo" which is released on July 24th and if this track is anything to go by, the six-track 50-minute album is going to be one hell of a journey. There are European tour plans in place for the beginning of 2021, though they are scheduled to play a UK exclusive show in London on October 31st at the Nabucca, which you may want to keep an eye on if you're a fan of black and death metal, as it's part of the Subterranean Manifestation II line-up. Hopefully it goes ahead, and I'll say it again...fuck Covid-19.

360 Phoenix Flip - "Pyromaniac"

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This one is arguably the weakest of the seven tracks I'm going through today but that's purely on account the other 6 tracks, as this is still a fun little single and I'm actually not trying to be mean for once. 360 PHOENIX FLIP is the new (Albeit convoluted) moniker by which Mark Lovett now goes by.

Combining his love of skate-punk and artists such as NOFX and RUFIO, with his already experienced background in song production and EDM, he brings us his debut single "Pyromaniac" and the best way to describe it I believe would be, somewhere between OWL CITY and REGGIE & THE FULL EFFECT. Make of that what you will, but I like this and I look forward to what else he has in store. Maybe you'll find him in the new Tony Hawk remastered game soundtrack? At this time of writing I have no links to share with you, as the SoundCloud link was private...sorry.

Before Sunday - "Square Hammer"

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Now this...this one is fucking bold. GHOST, who you may be familiar with as arguably the biggest rising metal / alternative rock band on the planet, helped cement their status with the song "Square Hammer" from the "Popestar" EP. BEFORE SUNDAY, are a London based duo who have only recently released their debut EP, yet here we find them covering Ghost...and the track isn't even a part of their EP!

Yes thanks to Angels PR, the duo have been in touch with label-mate Marianna from PROJECT RENEGADE and other talented musician friends, to collaborate on this lock-down cover. To be fair, instrumentally at least, they've done the song justice as it barely strays from the original in tone, it's quite a by numbers cover, but naturally they aren't replacing Tobias on vocals, so that's where they differ, although they've stayed true to the original video too in their own ways, taking limitations into account. It's a brave cover, but no real complaints for execution. 

Juliper Sky - "Afterglow"

In case you're wondering why there is no art work for this single, it's because the band didn't supply any jpeg files of the artwork. Plenty of photo's of the band, sure, but none of the artwork. The image included in their press kit isn't usable sadly as I was unable to separate and save it to file. Could I message them and ask for a jpeg of the image? I could, of course I could...but it's really not worth the effort.

Anyway, JULIPER SKY are an up-and-coming indie-pop outfit based out of Manchester, UK, and having already released their debut EP this year entitled "Visions Of A New Age", they continue to release separate singles. Opinions vary as to how effective and efficient this is from a marketing stand point...on one hand you can keep fresh content coming and keep up the exposure and relevance...on the other hand, and this is something I believe personally, is that it's annoying and I'd rather you just keep the material for the 2nd EP...let's be honest most of the tracks are going to end up on the debut album anyway, so many artists do it, and I just find it all pointless myself. I digress..."Afterglow" is the kind of light pop-based indie that might appeal to fans of BLOSSOMS for example. You'll have to take my word for it though as again, it comes out on June 26th, and I have no Bandcamp, Spotify or Youtube links to share with you. I might review the EP, give you a better idea.

Mushroomhead - "The Heresy"

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Today then we finish up on this absolute gem, and another genuine bit of excitement. MUSHROOMHEAD have been going damn near thirty years now and having gone through a couple of line-up changes, they still have an incredibly prolific yet criminally underrated back catalog of albums. 

Having always faced criticism for being SLIPKNOT knock-offs, they never hit the heights they deserved to, but hopefully that will change on their upcoming new album "A Wonderful Life"; their first since 2014! The latest single promoting the album; "The Heresy" see's the real debut of new full time vocalist Ms. Jackie, as well a returning J Mann to bring some welcome nostalgia and heritage to their sound. The clean female vocals add a new dynamic which works really with their heavy, dystopian, underground progressive grunge metal style, and the political message of the single simply adds relevance. I cannot wait for this album, which comes out June 19th via Napalm Records.
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Fight The Tornado - "Maelstrom Of Thought" EP

8/6/2020

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So this review was not on my schedule…it wasn’t submitted to me as a request, nor was it generally even on my radar. Quite frankly I had absolutely no idea who the fuck these were, however, a good friend of mine Rob De Boer lovingly forwarded them to me. I’ve known Rob a few years now through mutual friends and a mutual love of HIM, and all things Jackass related, and the last time I saw him properly was when we saw CKY at Manchester. Fun night…Matt Deis got lost in the venue he was playing, and I think there was a stabbing…good gig though.

I digress…Rob has recently started up his own podcast called SETTING THE TONE, where he takes a moment to go over his thoughts and opinions of various new singles from up and coming artists, and generally discuss relevant topics in the music industry; openly sharing his views and is worthy of your support. He was sent this EP to check out and do a piece on, and wanted to know what I thought of them myself.  Now I don’t know Rob’s final thoughts on the artist, we’re a little different in our approach…but those of you who are regular readers can probably guess where this is going…

The band in question, are FIGHT THE TORNADO and I immediately hope their influences include Matt Hardy 1.0. Consisting of members Jonny Young on vocals and multi-instrumentation, and Lindzi North on vocals and…sanity maintenance? Both of whom were former members of the symphonic metal band CURSE OF DAWN (Part of me wonders if they were fired…harsh you say? Patience you must have my young Padawan) though we find them gearing up for the release of their debut EP “Maelstrom Of Thought” on June 26th. With that tornado in mind, are they going to blow us away or simply just suck? Let’s find out…

The EP begins with “Mercurial Inventions” and truth be told, the intro is actually promising…it’s got a light, bubbly electronic aura and sounds like it’s about to delve into some nostalgic synth pop…but without the slightest hint of transition we’re thrust into a barrage of progressive nu metal riffage and it’s like, where the actual fuck did this come from? You know that meme with the dog sat in a room on fire, stating that this is fine? This is the soundtrack to that image. It’s so off-kilter and jarring you can’t help but wonder if this really was intentional, and that’s before we even get to the vocals. Fleeting between snarling and angelic, though neither of them hit the mark; it’s like, I would have PERSONALLY paid for the use of autotune for you to save myself the grief of hearing this.

We follow this with EP highlight “Comfort Zone” and yes I actually said highlight there…we start off in a similar fashion combining pulsing electronica with metallic riffs but here it’s all blended noticeably better, as in, it’s actually blended. Vocally then, I want to point out that the snarls in ways remind me of NEW PROJECT and the aggressive aspects of this work, but when we get to the cleaner, melodic vocals it’s an actual dumpster fire. The chorus manages to hold a note, an albeit incredibly flat and lifeless one, but that is an achievement, trust me. The same issues arise during “Sensory Deprivation” and the title is more than fitting as I would sooner be deprived of my own sense of hearing than deal with this. How bad can this unconventionally tuned singing be I hear you ask? Well…here are just SOME ways to categorise this; a mute yodeller with a sore throat,  a wok full of spoons falling down the up-escalator like some painfully cacophonous slinky, the shared harmony of two stray cats shagging in the back lane. Not convinced? How about Wes Scantlin covering NIRVANA?

Sadly my friends, we aren’t done…the title track is an instrumental that to its credit, delivers conceptually, I’ll give it that. It goes from progressive rock and metal riffs, including a decent solo with more subtle synth work…before we introduce PAN PIPES out of nowhere, only to be followed up with alternating death metal blast beats and ambient reggaeton. I honestly can’t say ‘what the ever loving fuck’, with the adequate level of conviction here…seriously that was like a non-invasive lobotomy. If that wasn’t enough, “Atlas” kicks in with some goddamn BTEC “Tubular Bells” and I’m like, nope. I’m done. I’m out. Fight The Tornado? I would sooner gamble my genitals in a Dyson V10 Cyclone…and I can guarantee my cries of pain would hold better notes.  [2]
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/FIGHTTHETORNADO
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/SETTINGTHETONE2
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    Gavin J Griffiths, a.k.a GavTheGothicChav, lover of new music and supporter of bands. Inspired by a mixture of horror and comedy, and fueled by a blend of alcohol and sarcasm...if you're a singer / in a band and would like a review written up, please do get in touch via the email address at the top of the page and I'll get back to you ASAP. Much love x

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