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Dick Valentine - "The Final Musician"

8/2/2025

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I might be a month late, but, New Year all! I’d preface that with a happy but that’d be jumping to conclusions, wouldn’t it? I don’t want to be done for false advertising. Let’s not gaslight ourselves here, all of that new year, new me nonsense is exactly that. Life goes on, as a multifaceted pantomime, with government, society and humanity as a whole seemingly insisting on operating in the bleakest of slapstick manners. It’s like, Fawlty Towers meets Squid Game...that’s life essentially. We’re a laughing stock of our own farming, both morally and socially, and it’s getting worse.  

However, as is always, we have music and the arts to keep us relatively sane,
(For the time being at least, it won’t be long before all music is cancelled because it offends someone) and if you’ll allow me, I’d like to pick up where I left off at my last gig of 2024; ELECTRIC SIX. You can read my review of that at All About The Rock, but I’ll summarize by saying not only are they one of THE most hard-working touring bands, with a magnificently prolific output, but their front man, DICK VALENTINE is equally as prolific as a solo artist. Without even delving into his filthy filth-laden crime noir audio books, and his services on Cameo amongst other things, 2025 finds Valentine in double figures for solo albums hitting streaming services, and for the sake of continuation, let’s check his latest one out. This is Dick Valentine, and this is “The Final Musician”...  

We open up with the title-track and initially we’ve got this, jovial, almost childlike vocal
presentation, over some simplistic acoustic guitar, and it’s very happy-go-lucky, before we get into the meat and potatoes of the track. It’s got a very, “I told you so” essence that leans heavily into the corporate side of the music industry. It speaks of the rigmarole of dealing with labels, the underhandedness, the writing on the wall for artists struggling within that dying industry. It’s a very well worded, song of togetherness in the face of adversity in the arts. There’s an innocence to it, and in its humble sorrow, it acts like a rallying cry to support artists, music, venues; everything. This is a wonderfully crafted, antiestablishmentarianism fuelled track, and a plea to support music at its raw core.
 


The synth elements on follow up track
“Asian Freckles” borders on 8-Bit nostalgia sonically, while a very cymbal-heavy percussive barrage blankets a fine dose of garage indie-rock. It’s incredibly energetic, up-tempo and whimsical in a way and you can’t help to clap and dance along to this. With a complete shift in tone and tempo then we have “Leave The Rest Of It To Me” and we’ve got this beautiful little folkish piece with Celtic elements. The acoustic guitar here is backed by some soft string instrumentation and olde quaint aesthetics, and it’s a lovely little track. It’s speaking of a troubled relationship and dealing with its internal dynamics, and the roles within it, and it makes for an interestingly different type of love song. 

There are t
racks like “Rodeo At 30,000 Feet” which honestly sound like Johnny Knoxville is going to introduce a Jackass stunt, and quite frankly I’m torn between, I hope he doesn’t read this, because he’s daft enough to put a bull on a plane...and I hope he does because that would be insane footage. Why did the plane crash? Well, we let a bull loose mid-flight over the Atlantic, enough said really. It’s another dose of percussion heavy garage rock with indie stylistics resulting in a quirky up-tempo piece of music. “Duchess In A Tree” houses subtle funk characteristics under an almost rapped vocal display during the verses, only highlighting Valentine’s repertoire as a vocalist, and showcases his diversity as a performer. Electric Six are known for their genre blending from record to record, and here Valentine hammers that home.  

We eventually close up on
“The Living Remember The Dead Remember” and instrumentally we have an early punk-pop vibe going on, fuelling this crescendo in the liveliest manner. Where does that leave us though? We’ve heard Dick Valentine’s albums from the past, and he’s previously focused more heavily on acoustic performances, but these later releases seem to lean more heavily into a continuation of Electric Six’s catalogue.  

As I stated previously, the prolific nature of both Valentine and the band can only be admired really, as it’s not
a case of churning records out for the sake of it. No. Whether it’s for the full band, or for his solo material, Dick Valentine IS the final musician. He lives for the music. He is a songwriter. He is an artist. More often than not these days, new artists seldom have longevity, because their success came through happenstance from going viral for fifteen minutes on Tik Tok, with peoples attention spans lasting about as long as the last meme that came before them. There are those who genuinely try, I tip my hat to them, but we’re living in a world of self-importance and instant gratification. There is a metric fuck-ton of bandwagon jumping and capitalizing on the back of others success via trends. Dick Valentine doesn’t bow to such idiosyncrasies. Dick Valentine is in his own lane on his own journey, and while you are more than welcome along for the ride, he takes detours for no one. Realistically the final musician maybe grandiose in its declaration, but there’s a degree of truth within the sentiment as he’s certainly one of very few, and frankly needs more respect put on his name; there’s FAR more to him than songs about gay bars. [7] 

ELECTRICSIX.BANDCAMP.COM
ELECTRICSIX.COM
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Linkin Park - "From Zero"

10/12/2024

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Back in 2017, LINKIN PARK released an album by the name of “One More Light”, which garnered mixed reviews from a lot of people. Including myself. Now let’s not beat around the bush here... I scored it negatively. It was an OK pop album; it just didn’t feel like it fit the Linkin Park aesthetic. It FELT like a label pleaser, to adapt to the shift in the mainstream, with collaborations including STORMZY and KIIARA. People on the internet will say that I did so because I live in the past, and that I just want every record to sound like “Hybrid Theory” or “Meteora”...this is not true in the slightest. I appreciate growth and expansion from within bands, and the way they see the world around them, it’s what inspires them to create art. The art that, we as consumers enjoy. Also no, I’m not ignoring or forgetting “Reanimation” or the JAY-Z collaboration...this just felt different. 

​I mean, if I wanted to listen to an artist that put out the same thing over and over again, I’d listen to AC/DC, or insert generic overhyped and deified rock band here. (You’ve heard one you’ve heard them all is what I’m saying). The trouble with Linkin Park, was the sheer level of success that that first album garnered. It completely blew them up on a global scale, and so when it came time for the sophomore, the label justifiably said “Hey, look, money...more of the same please!”. We lapped it up as fans and consumers, don’t get me wrong, it was their sound; they excelled at that subtly electronic layered rap/metal crossover, but it frustrated the band to the point where, by the time “One More Light” came out all those years later, they’d gone out of their way to do the remix albums, acapella albums, experimental albums like “A Thousand Suns”, and ultimately tried their very best to show there was more to them than meets the eye, before that aforementioned 2017 pop album, and subsequentially, Chester Bennington’s suicide mere months later. There was more to the death of Chester, let that be clear, but we didn’t help his mental health, I acknowledge that.  

It was a catch-22, as we needed to respect the band for sticking to their guns, and creating what THEY wanted to create, or felt they needed to, for better or for worse, but we just wanted the band we loved, to create music we could enjoy; (You can only push an envelope so far), we knew what they were capable of, and we didn’t always see eye to eye. We were part of the problem (Admittedly I can’t speak for EVERYONE). The whole situation soured, and there was a lot of guilt following Chester’s death where we realised, we could have been more open, and supportive, and maybe Chester would still be here with us now. The sad fact is, he isn’t, and we thought we’d lost one of the most important and influential bands of the 21st century as collateral...but here is the dilemma. The new divide, if you will... 

2024 sees the RETURN of Linkin Park, with a completely new reshuffled line-up, after we thought we’d realistically seen the last of the nu-metal icons. With a brand-new singer at the forefront by the name of Emily Armstrong, who previously sang for DEAD SARA (As well as new drummer Colin Brittain, plus guitarist Brad Delson no longer touring with the band is notable) we find them opening a fresh can of worms and splitting more opinions than the US presidential election arguing over a jar of Marmite. I can’t believe I’m saying this but...this is “From Zero”, this is brand new Linkin Park...and these are my thoughts... 

We’re off to a bad start, frankly, as we have “From Zero (Intro)”...and it’s on the verge of being at least patronising to a degree. We have this almost angelic, choir-esque vibe, as though the heavens have opened, and the band have returned, risen again to start from scratch. There’s a spoken word snippet where new vocalist Emily offhandedly says “From zero? Like, from nothing? OH WAIT YOUR FIRST...” and it’s cut off before she can say band. We know that Mike Shinoda has openly stated that XERO was the original project before the formation and finalisation of Linkin Park...and we know that he’s produced this album, he’s pushed for this album, and it’s like he’s pushing this ideology from the start to use Linkin Park’s name to sell records, instead of going back to that first name he’s not even hiding away from.  

I’m feeling almost nonchalant dictatorial vibes right here. THIS is a primary gripe among many fans, who identify and associate Linkin Park with Chester on vocals, as the voice of the band...regardless of founding members, he was the unique, distinct voice, he was the generational talent at the forefront. If you’re so insistent on harking back to that Xero band name Mike, use that name, embrace that name if you are so proud of it, and release the music as Xero...not treat Linkin Park as a cash cow (See Wembley ticket prices). But the dilemma is only beginning... 

First track proper, and first single, “The Emptiness Machine” is an absolute banger. I wanted to make a joke about McDonald’s ice cream but, it would be petty of me. I am actually Mclovin’ this. (That was cringe...whistle and I will strike you). It’s a genuinely fun, engaging track with a lot of hooks in its short run time. Lyrically it can be interpreted as a reference to Emily being associated with the Church Of Scientology; being born into it second generationally, blending a sort of realistic world view with a feeling of hopefulness. She has been moulded into this lifestyle and belief system from childhood and it’s about wanting to just fit in and wanting to find oneself. Metaphorically hammered home by the very societal "cog in the machine" type music video. As an interpretation, this just makes sense, never mind fitting in with twenty years' worth of Linkin Park fans. But were the follow up singles as strong? 

Next, we have “Heavy Is The Crown” and we’ve got an immediate sense of burden here. Instrumentally the band have harked back to the period of “Minutes To Midnight” and “Living Things”, blending those practically recycled synth notes and overall tone. There’s an air of defiance in the lyrics, with lines like “You can’t win if your white flags out when the war begins” and it could be seen as Mike’s approach to Linkin Park in the face of life after Chester. The whole commitment to the band's continuation, and the pressure of Emily stepping into such iconic shoes...but they still manage to throw in a passive aggressive middle finger, as Emily does an equally long scream here as that of the track “Given Up”...as if to hammer home this justification of her appointment, in a “told you so” manner of fact. This again feels more patronising than vindicating under the surface and just comes across as hollow imitation on this instance. 

Emily gets to utilise her clean vocals on the track “Over Each Other” and to be fair, she sings well through a wall of anguish and frustration, and it reeks of relationship breakdown, be it romantic, platonic or professional, but here is the issue. It's an angsty pop song, which there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with, it’s a fine song, but if I or anyone was living under a rock, and didn’t know Linkin Park had reformed in this new era with new presentation, you wouldn’t be like, “Oh is this Linkin Park?”. As fine as the song is, it could be PVRIS, it could be HALFLIVES, it could be insert modern female vocalist of current day rock band name here. There’s nothing WRONG with it, it’s a decent song, but there’s a generic quality to it. It also ends terribly as they include studio snippets of interaction with Mike, trying to push a feeling of connection and bonding, as he asks her to put her “screaming pants on”.  

Why is this, I hear you ask? Ladies and gentlemen let me introduce to arguably the WORST Linkin Park song to ever be green lit for recording; “Casualty”. Honestly Charlie Fairhead should be on call to prepare you for theatre after listening to this. We’re booked in for a Tympanoplasty and a Stapedectomy...and a slap in the face for good measure. There’s a raw, hardcore, almost punk-inspired aesthetic here and while Emily CAN do this, Mike CAN'T...and when Mike starts trying to shout and produce aggressive vocals or seem assertive, he comes across as Clarence Claymore boxing and it’s pitiful to be honest. (That’s a nuanced reference, look it up). 

Emily, credit to her here, sounds pissed off; she sounds like she’s really invested, and she's built for this...but this is wholly unnatural for Mike. While it has throwback elements to “The Hunting Party” with its raw presentation, and hardcore punk levels of vitriol, Mike doesn’t quite cut it here. He honestly doesn’t sound comfortable or confident performing in this manner, and the quality, or lack thereof shows, he personally brings this track down. I guess ironically you can now ask why is everything so heavy? Genuine question. No wait, no, I know what it is. Doing such a shit job himself will make Emily sound so considerably better! She’ll be praised! You tactical motherfucker. Honestly Mike she can do the aggressive vocals perfectly fine on her own and I applaud her for that, you don’t need to be involved in that. You stick to the rap stuff and the brand appropriation. 

Speaking of, “Two Faced” absolutely oozes of “Meteora” era Linkin Park with the guitar tone and overall tonality regarding to chorus/verse transitions. This is more of a classic Linkin Park sound, and it does take you back twenty years, and truthfully you could easily see this as a collaboration that never saw the light of the day in 2003. It honestly wouldn’t be out of place on the original, it’s that close. 

Tracks like “Stained” further hammer home that Pvris type vibe in presentation and we have to admit that Emily does bring a brand-new dynamic to the band's aura when she’s more subdued vocally, before “Good Things Go” somewhat ironically wraps up the album. There’s an almost apologetic essence here, as though the band are anticipating the reception of this new era; pre-emptive damage control if you will. It’s almost in direct acknowledgment of Mike’s decision to continue Linkin Park from a lyrical standpoint, with Emily very much being a factor in that. It’s the musical equivalent of puppy dog eyes and fishing for sympathy when you read into it, and as pleasant as the song is, aesthetically...lyrically there’s a disingenuous feeling to it and it can’t be ignored.  

Ultimately, the question is, what can we take from, “From Zero”? The unbiased answer is a pletheora of things (See what I did there?). For anyone who was there from those early days in the 2000’s, that grew up with Linkin Park, when Linkin Park moulded the fabric of the person you were to become, it’s a band that holds a special place in your heart. I’d swear in a court of law, that Linkin Park helped shape the person I am now...fuck I was in Cornwall on holiday when I purchased “Hybrid Theory” and listed to it on repeat on my Buffy The Vampire Slayer skateboard with my Sony CD Walkman. It’s THAT ingrained.  

As we’ve grown older as fans, we appreciate those years because they were pivotal in our upbringing...I had no peers, I had no alternative community...I had nobody trading mix tapes or cassettes or burnt CD's...but I knew this band was special. As we age, our tastes change, our worldview changes, our political mindset changes; we evolve, as individuals as well as professionals. It’s so easy to see why on a business perspective why Mike would want to bring back Linkin Park...but where do we stand when it comes to morality? On face value, this is not a bad record in the slightest, it’s got some nostalgic moments, and it takes you back to the good old days momentarily in places...but is it Linkin Park? For me, the answer is no.  

Call me cynical, but they’ve tried to blatantly rehash elements from previous albums to sell a new narrative, they’ve made passive aggressive comments in spoken word segments as well as lyrics, Mike is trying to push for this, and as honestly decent as this album is on face value, which it is, it’s a fine album, I’m sorry, it’ll never be Linkin Park. QUEEN tried it with ADAM LAMBERT, can you imagine TYPE-O-NEGATIVE continuing without PETE STEELE? Can you imagine HIM without VILLE VALO? Or KORN without JONATHAN DAVIS? There's an IDENTITY...do you see my point? Any long serving band can emulate and recreate their sound instrumentally, but, you can seldom replace a voice, and the emotion that comes with it. The stories and feelings they share. We can agree to disagree, I’m fine with that, you have a right to an opinion such as I do...but to me, this is a reshuffled band recycling ideas in places to live off a rhetoric, and I’m not even mad, I’m disappointed...[6] 

WWW.LINKINPARK.COM
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Kat Von D - "My Side Of The Mountain"

19/9/2024

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Let’s talk about career crossovers, specifically in the entertainment industry surrounding celebrity culture. Sometimes they work incredibly well...take Gordon Ramsay for instance. Already a successful multi-restauranteur the world over with Michelin Stars to his name, he became just as famous as a TV personality as he was for being a serious, top-level chef, with programs like The F word and Kitchen Nightmares. Not bad for someone who grew up struggling in a working-class Scottish household. He’s actually an inspiration of mine. 

However sometimes,
let’s just say they don’t work so well. We’ll use Katie Price as an example here...the former glamour model shot to fame under the name Jordan in the early late 90's and was a household name for no more than having her puppies plastered all over page 3. The front page could be about 9/11 but, turn over for nipples, and all is right with the world. I digress. Despite this, she aspired for a career and business empire beyond her absurdly balloon-like breasts. She’s a published author, she’s released branded nutrition supplements, equine clothing lines, perfume, she’s released music with her ex-husband Peter Andre, appeared on several reality TV shows, she’s even stood for local election...and in 2024, she is facing bankruptcy. Her boobs maybe buoyant, but financially she just couldn’t stay afloat. What a tit.
 


Where does this tie us into today’s artist? Well back in 2021, world famous tattooist and TV personality KAT VON D released her debut album “Love Made Me Do It”, and we discovered that she was a woman of many talents herself. Despite scepticism following her earlier collaborations with THE 69 EYES etc, her full-length debut was genuinely impressive, housing Gothic aesthetics and lyricism under a thick layer of retro synth-pop, and it worked a treat. She was clearly just as comfortable in a recording studio as she was in a tattoo studio. 2024 finds Kat releasing her anticipated sophomore album via Kartel Music Group on September 20th, entitled “My Side Of The Mountain”. The question is, will this be more a case of Edmond Hillary, or Igor Dyatlov? There’s only one way to find out... 

The album
opens up with “Dead” and we’ve got a wonderfully slow build here. There’s some subtle autotune, and echoing reverb to the tone of the track, before things pick up with this drum-machine led, retro 80’s synth pop piece. The aesthetic is hammered home by the minimalist music video of Kat, alongside Sammi Doll and Brynn Route doing some aerobics. Nothing screams 80’s like some aerobics; imagine “Physical” by OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN but bleak. There’s humour in Goth’s doing aerobics, nothing screams sadness like keeping fit in spandex. The message is fitting though, as Kat sings of heartache and separation, and the video acts as a metaphor for her rebuilding herself physically and mentally, equal part exercising and exorcising demons. The anti-chorus of sorts works perfectly too, the emptiness or lack of substance musically representing her inner-self, and it’s wonderful. 

In an almost juxtaposing manner then we have “Vampire Love”, where Kat seemingly yearns for a love and affection that she knows might not be healthy. Lyrics like “...Need someone to break me, come on in after dark and recreate me, take me from the light and baby tame me...” highlight a passion within her that’s unfulfilled. It reeks of desire, emotional and physical gratification and to a degree taboo and toxicity. The video again hammers this home with its prom-night presentation, and the odd-couples dancing. The sailor and the mermaid, the Martian and the astronaut etc., while they go together conceptually, they are polar opposites. All the while Kat is performing in a skeletal costume; emphasising her feelings of emptiness. The song itself is quite the slow jam; it’s got a mellow, delicately bassy feel with subtle underlaying funk and soul elements while retaining that throwback synth-pop stylistic for the chorus. 

The album
as a whole has plenty of highlights mind you. “H.A.T.E.” for example returns to the more up-tempo format of her debut instrumentally and it’s a catchy little piece. Lines like “Six hundred and sixty-six times I cried till’ my lips turned blue” give off young Ville Valo vibes, while the meat of the matter again delivers well. “H is for the heart of mine you break, A is for all you took away, T is for the tainted tears I taste, E is for everything I hate...about you”. It’s a very personal track full of bitterness, but it’s such a foot tapper. “With You” houses more modern dance-pop qualities that once again excel in their simplicity and the electronica shines here, despite its brief run time. It’s got an almost Eurovision quality to it and it genuinely leaves you wanting more. 

A couple of notable points include the recent single “Por Ti”, which is performed entirely in Spanish. Translating as “For You”, here kat blends a sense of traditional Latino passion with electronic instrumentation and it’s an interesting dynamic, while “I Am A Machine” features ARCH ENEMY vocalist Alissa White-Gluz for easily the albums heaviest track. Alissa may not be tearing through the track as she normally would, but she provides an aggressively, growled dynamic that lends to an almost NINE INCH NAILS or STATIC-X inspired industrial-tinged piece. The album then eventually rounds off with a cover...sort of. “All By Myself” was made notably famous by CELINE DIONE back in 1996, but it was originally recorded by ERIC CARMEN way back in 1975, and here Kat wraps her vocals around a portion of it. It’s not a complete rendition, but it acts as more of a statement. It’s as if Kat is coming full circle with her sense of self, and her outlook on life; reflecting as she starts a new life of sobriety with her family. The recognition of isolation and what she wants from life at this stage.  

“My Side Of The Mountain” may not have the instantly infectious tunes of its predecessor, but it’s shown growth both musically and personally from Kat’s perspective. It’s a real grower this album, and while on first glance you’d easily mistake Kat for being a feisty Goth chick ready to rock out with the best of them, there’s a tenderness and vulnerability to her that oozes from her song writing and delivery. Kat’s side of the mountain may have presented her with some obstacles and difficult terrain, but she kept climbing, and here on her second album, she’s reached the summit, and only she knows what adventure is next on the horizon as she reflects. She’s much better prepared for whatever is next than me climbing Pen Y Fan with a can of Monster and pack of Marlboro Gold’s at midnight, put it that way. [7]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/KATVOND
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The Get Up Kids - "Something To Write Home About" (25th Anniversary)

24/8/2024

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When you think of the term “emo”, you tend to get a very stereotypical mental image. It’s skinny jeans, Vans or Converse daps, studded belts wrapped around your arse cheeks because they are there for show not for practicality, a plethora of rubber wrist bands second only in number to the scars they cover, cartoonish band t-shirts from Blue Banana (Essentially Hot Topic off of Temu) and crippling depression masked by the most perfectly straightened fringes. Your mental state is fragile, but your hair is on fleek my guy...please avoid naked flame. 

Musically speaking, the scene dominated the mid 2000’s and gave us some of this century's biggest stars. PARAMORE for example gave young girls the world over a voice, and someone to look up to in Hayley Williams. With women severely under-represented in rock music, they also managed to make orange hair cool. That’s how good Hayley is. MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE saw sales of eyeliner, drummer boy jackets and nail varnish soar with their anthemic mega-hit “Welcome To The Black Parade”, and in all its grandiose pomposity, has rendered a simple G note somewhat of a sensory trigger for broken, beaten and damned millennials. But who influenced THEM? 

Emo, if you even want to categorise it as a genre all in and of itself, goes a lot further back than that, well into the early 90’s, with the likes of SUNNY DAY REAL ESTATE and JIMMY EAT WORLD. Despite the dirtiness of the grunge movement, and facing the birth of nu metal, they went against the grain, allowing emotionally raw lyrics to compliment often more melodious, candidly unvarnished instrumentation. Their stripped back, openly emotive presentation allowed for more poetic, deep, heartfelt song writing in alternative music, without the pretentious imagery of some Goth for example, and it led to the eventual 1995 formation of today’s band; THE GET UP KIDS. 2024 marks the 25th anniversary of the Kansas City collective's sophomore album “Something To Write Home About”. Dubbed arguably one of the most important and influential albums in the entire genre, by one of its pioneering artists, let’s see if this 1999 classic can live up to its title. 

The album begins with “Holiday”, and we’re met with a flurry of vibrant, energetic pop-punk laced instrumentation, with strong garage rock vibes. This is remastered, but here it still sounds as raw and rugged as can be. That’s part of the appeal of the original wave of emo; the realism, and the relatability. Just like punk before it, it was MEANT to sound rough around the edges; purity over professionalism. A tale of wasted emotions and very apropos in 2024, with lines like “Where did our respectable convictions go? Your words don’t match the story that your actions show”. This is a great start. 

Next up we have the albums
initial promotional single “Action & Action”, and we’re greeted with more up-tempo guitar play, but with some nicely layered synth notes assisting the melody. Bands like REGGIE & THE FULL EFFECT (A side project nonetheless) and PANIC! AT THE DISCO would incorporate this further down the line, merely highlighting the albums influence on this blend of rock music. Synths and programming weren’t just for the new wave artists of the 80’s, instruments are to be used to your vision, and these kids helped lay some foundations. 

Further highlights include “Ten Minutes” which utilises a lot of the same tropes; pop-punk energy, happy-go-lucky tonality and the exact sort of song that would be played over a Warped Tour promotional montage package. It’s light, it’s casual but it’s heartfelt and it’s what got these kids noticed. “Close To Home” carries itself in the same vein, and the angsty vocal delivery balances with the instrumental joviality really quite well.  

The thing with emo though is there is always a softer side to the teenage hardship. I know far heavier bands have tender, softer moments, just look at PARKWAY DRIVE with “Darker Still” for example, beautiful song. Emo is an adjective more than a genre, and emotions fluctuate, plus are independent of those feeling them, so it’s a grey area. “Valentine” is a typically trope heavy song of longing, reluctance to give up on love in the face of separation. Wanting to hold on to a one-sided relationship. It’s almost lulling in its sweet delivery, but undeniably sad hearing the hurt in the lyrics. “Out of Reach” goes one step further with an initial acoustic driven campfire ballad. The subtle piano layering and build-up of percussion gives the track more character, but it’s a delightful little ditty at heart. 

There is
additional content here too, as they have included an album worth of demo’s, including “One Year Later” and “Central Standard Time”, and it’s always interesting to see, or hear rather, the evolution of songs as they are tried and tested in the writing process. Again though, this is something for the die-hards and elders to dive into essentially, as they don’t really affect the album that much in terms of listening experience.  

It’s
a solid album, and again we must mention it set standards back in the day and put this kind of artist on the map. It kickstarted Vagrant Records, the band toured for two years solid with the likes of GREEN DAY and WEEZER, it got into the Heat Seekers Top 40 which was a rare accomplishment for an artist of this ilk, they weren’t fashionable! It’s undeniably an important record in the melancholic makeup of the emo genre we mope about nostalgically. My only gripe? It’s not the first reissue or anniversary release. The band also re-released this in 2008 to celebrate ten years of the same album, with a DVD featuring a live show, and a photo booklet, and even though they have released other albums since, the most recent being 2019’s “Problems”, it seems they have a problem with holding on to this record, and they’ve allowed it to essentially define them.  

My point? Look at the
aforementioned bands...My Chemical Romance weren’t afraid to change drastically when they wrote “Danger Days”. Panic! At The Disco found Brendan Urie on Broadway and separating himself from your typical emo aesthetics, and Paramore have just come off of the back of one of the biggest world tours ever with TAYLOR SWIFT following their musical evolution. The Get Up Kids have just released an album for the third time, and even though it’s remastered, it still sounds rough. Back in the day that meant something, now it’s like, come on guys, at least re-record it in a better quality if you’re going to sell it again. An important genre album, that is undeniable, but does it warrant yet another re-release? Available on streaming services from August 23rd, and with another physical copy scheduled for September 20th, “Something To Write Home About” is on the verge of being something to roll your eyes at. The Get Up Kids grew up, and as adults, they seem to just like reminiscing on the good old days; trying to recapture that feeling of acceptance and success, and on this instance, it’s a little bit desperate. With that being said, I am currently home, I have written about it...and I will very likely never listen to this album again. [5] 

WWW.THEGETUPKIDS.COM
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Sexblood - "Intimidating Visions"

24/6/2024

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Back in 2022, everything was coming up Milhouse. Despite Russia playing real-life Risk with Ukraine, Queen Elizabeth II going from her platinum jubilee to an oak coffin, additional incidents of Russia trying to penetrate Ukraine, a monkeypox outbreak (As if coming out of Covid wasn’t bad enough), further issues of Russia deep inside Ukraine, more US school shootings (That’s a given), Pakistan floods, the world's population reaches 8 billion too many and...believe it or not, more Russia making a mess in Ukraine...despite all that, there was quality new music to enjoy, unless you were in Ukraine. Too busy balls deep in ballistic missiles to hear the radio. The Russians were coming...hard. Hnnng. 

I say coming up Milhouse ironically of course, as 2022 was another shit-show, let’s be honest, but we ARE going to revisit Mulhouse, a far-eastern region of France, (See my tedious link there?) where we reacquaint ourselves with today’s band; SEXBLOOD. Dubbed the French Manchester, or Franchester as I called it, we discovered that Mulhouse, was an industrial town/city with a rich history in vehicle engineering and locomotives. With museums dedicated to each respectively, it’s only natural, they developed their own dreary indie/post-punk scene, just as Manchester had done with JOY DIVISION and THE SMITHS, for example. 

Following on from their 2022 album “Teach Me To Cry”, which I highly recommended, Sexblood are back with their follow up album “Intimidating Visions”, but are we going to get mad for it? Il n'y a qu'une seule façon de le savoir... 

We begin rather menacingly with the track “I Choose To Live In Hate”, and it's got this, deep, slowly chugging riff that gives off early, proto-doom vibes, accompanied by subtle icy synths, and even brief horn elements towards the tracks climax. It builds for this genuinely creepy yet fantastical piece of instrumentation, and it sets a darkened tone very early on. Vocally we have a sort of, hushed, lightly warbled, husky drawl that pays homage to the likes of Carl Macoy, or Andrew Eldritch, non-discernible at times, but this is a mood. There’s a bitterness to this; a sense of self-spite, politicism and despite the vocal quality being occasionally blurry, it has its Gothic charm. 

​We follow this up with our first album highlight; “Time Is Running Out”, and the band utilize the universally recognised sound of a heart monitor slowly flatlining to kickstart this one. It’s a trope and has been incorporated into tracks previously by the likes of TYPE-O-NEGATIVE on “Life Is Killing Me”, and ZEROMANCER’s “Dr. Online” for example, but it does help set a certain narrative, adding character to the composition. We’re greeted then with simplistic percussion, wonderfully light melodies and more nostalgic 80’s post-punk sensibilities. The guitar work coming out of the chorus reminds of “Temple Of Love” for example, as Abel De Beauvoir sings of mortality, and the choices you make as the sands run down. Moral questions and self-reflection, as you look within yourself as death looms, and it’s thought provoking. 

Further highlights include “Doctor Death”, which houses more of the same, catchy post-punk aesthetics instrumentally; clap-along percussion, prominent basslines, nicely layered synths and plenty of hooks that would leave Slimelight swaying away like a coked-up colony of bats. Speaking of things hanging, the song is about Harold Shipman, who had over 200 confirmed victims, making him one of the world's most prolific serial killers. But, sometimes, you’ve got to make a bunch of vulnerable, elderly patients overdose in order for Goth bands to write funky songs about you twenty years later, no? PhD officially stands for posthumous dance along. (Look I know he was just a GP, but I committed to the bit, OK, deal with it). 

It’s safe to say that Sexblood haven’t veered too far from the formula that they established on their debut. “The Meat Wagon” has a wonderfully bass-driven level of dark funk with icy-synthesized elements that’s VERY SISTERS OF MERCY in places. “Out Of The Dark” houses an edgier guitar tone that bolsters their classic post-punk delivery for a more rocking, energetic track. “Walpurgis Night” is an ode to Germanic Catholicism, warding off witchcraft and other priorities such as, whooping cough. (You can deep dive that one yourselves I’m not going into over a thousand years of religious history here). Bonfires are lit to deter evil spirits, unlike here in the UK, where we light bonfires on November 5th in memory of Guy Fawkes, who was THIS close, to burning down Parliament, where all of the real evil spirits congregate.  

There are some lesser tracks, in all honesty, but they don’t spoil the album as such. “The Dust” is quite a slow, methodical piece that just, creeps along with a sense of spookiness within the synth presentation. I’m not saying it GATHERS dust, but you get the idea. The title track is a little underwhelming sadly. With its name you’d expect something a little more intense, more akin to the aforementioned highlights, but it's really quite mellow and casual. It’s about as intimidating as the current wave of youths wearing balaclavas, carrying glorified purses riding E-Scooters, listening to 21 SAVAGE or any other generic excuse for a rapper. Less wannabe gangster, more underage gimp. They round things off with an incredibly disquieting version of the French nursery rhyme “Maudit Carillonneur”, which I believe means “Curse You Bell-Ringer". From morn till’ night he rings the bells, tormenting those within hearing distance, driving them insane. Or something, I don’t know it’s in French, it’s probably just Quasimodo frantically pulling the cord in the disabled toilet at Notre Dame. 

Essentially, what Sexblood have delivered here is another fine mortuary slab of old-school Gothic rock. They very effortlessly keep that post-punk sound alive and well, breathing fresh life into such a niche genre, without sounding dated, or out of place. Goth as a term is multi-faceted, and you will always find people lean certain ways to what they believe Goth represents, be it musically, visually, stylistically, hell even architecturally and historically, but in terms of no-nonsense, mood-driven, aesthetically macabre yet melodic alternative music, Sexblood are keeping the genre alive and well. I can’t say I’m intimidated, but I CAN say that I am continually impressed by Sexblood’s output. A murder in the bleu, blanc rouge morgue if you will? Très bien. [7]
 

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WWW.SEXBLOOD.BANDCAMP.COM
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Kim Petras - "Slut Pop Miami"

29/5/2024

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Back in 2022, I gave myself PTSTD’s...it’s a combination of post-traumatic stress and sexually transmitted diseases. Even the crabs have flashbacks. It’s my own fault frankly, as I discovered an artist by the name of KIM PETRAS, and I dived in, without any protection whatsoever, to the filthiest EP I had ever subjected my hearing to, by the name of “Slut Pop”. It’s like, remember LimeWire? You’d download an album, only for it to be a corrupt file of questionable nature, and your laptop ended up with some incurable super AIDS? Well, this was that, but the file isn’t even corrupt, and you still ended up with the super AIDS. Even Freddy Mercury winced, and he’d been dead for 31 years. 

Kim is a German-born transgender artist who, as we found out rather unashamedly, is not afraid of controversy, and by that, I mean, she doesn't necessarily wear her heart on her sleeve, she more sort of spreads her legs in a manner that could make a Basking shark blush, perhaps wider than you can fathom, with a flashing neon sign stating free parking. After
a highly successful run however, with a massively popular collaboration with SAM SMITH, and “King Of Hearts” from her 2023 album “Feed The Beast” being a legit bop, we find Kim back in the gutter for another incredulous dose of debauchery. This is “Slut Pop Miami”, and I hope you brought tissues...for your tears you degenerates! We aren’t going all Randy Marsh on this album! 

We gape, sorry,
open up with “Slut Pop Reprise” and it acts as a transition of sorts, bridging the original EP into this sequel or follow up I guess...round two...sloppy seconds if you will. There’s a heavy sense of lyrical repetition and she’s proud of her oral prowess, but the chorus does admittedly house decent Euro-pop dance qualities and that alone is already an improvement on the EP. The chorus (If you can even call it that) is actually catchy, with its bassy electronica and autotune rich presentation. I’m praising autotune...make of that what you will. 

Speaking of oral, we follow this up with “Gag On It” and we have some lovely sound effects underlying an off-kilter, almost jazzy, funk-based piece of retro synth. I say sound effects, I’d be surprised if this wasn’t actual audio ripped from some Brazzers clip, but listening to it, it sounds as appealing as you could expect. I struggle gargling mouthwash, for perspective. Don’t ask questions just go with me on this one, please, I’m already a broken man. Mr Muscle loves the jobs you hate but even he wouldn’t touch this. 

Next up we have “Fuckin’ This Fuckin’ That” and fuckin’ hell...what the fuck? It houses this, almost MR. OIZO “Flat Beat” aesthetic, just slowed down, but lyrically even Samuel L Jackson is like motherfucker calm down with the fucks! He’s famously renowned for his F-bombs over his storied acting career, and Kim here is giving him a run for his money on one song. I NEED to see Samuel L Jackson perform this on that “Lip Sync Battle” show. It’s fucking awful though, honestly. 

Following on from this we have “Banana Boat” and, is it politically incorrect of me wanting to deport the bitch based on this song? Instrumentally it’s returned to a more stripped back, very generic formula of seedy, pulsing electronic simplicity, and while there are subtle hints at a CHARLI XCX influence towards the tracks climax, we’re going down on the route of sexual innuendo with an innocent piece of fruit, like some bi-curious George.  

If hell exists,
I’m going there for this next one, as “Get Fucked” incorporates vocals akin to that “Satisfaction” song by BENNY BENASSI and, its less Stephen Hawking, more Stephen Horny. Dribbling from multiple places stuck in his wheelchair on Epstein Island. Sat there, blue screening out of over-stimulation. “Rim Job” is self-explanatory, we won’t be needing Trevor and Chance from Smosh to give another visual interpretation on TNTL. Lines like “He sing a ballad while I’m tossin’ his salad” are impure at their poetic finest, as the electronic beat here pulses, tickling your taint with more Charli XCX influenced pop. 

Musically speaking, “Head Head Honcho” is arguably the albums highlight, with it’s very light, airy, 80’s inspired synth-pop; it’s quite poppy and had some genuinely decent little hooks instrumentally, but you can’t take this seriously with the lyrical content. I’m not saying you HAVE to take this seriously, of course not, but you can’t help but shake your head while you try to vibe to this. Lines like “I’m a penis genius, I’m a semen Jesus” and circumcision references like “I like the taste, no poncho” can’t help but make me think, had Kim been a little older, she would have been a superstar on shows like "Eurotrash" or, "Tarrant On TV". Or Graham Norton when he was unhinged on Channel 4. 

I’m
not going to cover every track here, but I have to talk about “Whale Cock” before I go and that’s a thing I never imagined typing. Tongue in cheek references to Moby Dick are one thing, but the lyric “Lookin’ for my Shamu (Free Willy!)” honestly nearly made me spit my wine out. I legit laughed out loud at that and will continue to do so every time I hear it. I have to give her credit for that, that’s genuinely funny being so out of the blue. It’s worth those couple of seconds alone, just like me in bed. Sorry to brag. 

The question here now, really, is, how are we rating this? Other than ‘R
’. We established from the EP that, musically, this side of Kim Petras is entirely a separate entity from her mainstream pop career. She has released genuinely decent pop music and has the collaborations to back up her credibility, so this is purely an indulgent bit of creative, albeit filthy fun. Is it for everyone? Absolutely not, but it’s not meant to be.
 


There IS improvement here instrumentally with some tracks having actual catchy elements, but the formula is for the most part, the same. While the lyrical content is again, far from vanilla, we’re met with more repetitive, light-techno pop, subtle garage elements, and retro aesthetics that plateau very early on. It’s niche, like the 4 US States where beastiality isn’t formally illegal (I’m looking at you Hawaii, New Mexico, West Virgina and Wyoming, and well done for ruining my search history looking for that). Is it worth a listen? I mean realistically no, but it’s better than REGINA HARDON. The bar wasn’t high let's be fair. In terms of slut pop, Kim Petras really is the head honcho. [2] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/KIMPETRAS
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Alkaline Trio - "Blood, Hair, And Eyeballs"

25/5/2024

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When you are the front man and lead vocalist, of one the world's premier alternative punk-rock bands, life is busy; what with the consistent writing, recording, promoting, touring, all that rigmarole. When you find yourself heavily involved with TWO of the most premier alternative punk-rock bands on the planet, well that’s just an insane amount of pressure, an insane workload and a very demanding schedule to say the least. Few people could cope with such a high level of persistent, professional proficiency, but then again, few people are Matt Skiba. Well, I say few, there’s only one...and he’s Matt Skiba, but I digress. 

Over the past ten years or so, Matt has juggled ALKALINE TRIO, from 2013’s “My Shame Is True”, 2018’s “Is This Thing Cursed?”, a self-titled 2020 EP, live shows performing 8 studio albums in full AND supporting THE MISFITS...as well as being a replacement for Tom DeLonge in BLINK 182, releasing two studio albums with them; 2016’s “California”, and 2019’s “Nine”. Not to mention Blink’s tours as well. Where do you draw the line between flowing creativity and fucking kamikaze pilot? Intending to burn out much? 2024 finds Matt return to the fold with Alkaline Trio, as he reunites with Dan Andriano, alongside new drummer Atom Willard, to release their latest album “Blood, Hair, And Eyeballs”. Why don’t you throw in some worm's wort and frogs' breath while you’re at it? Let’s check it out... 

We kick off with a little play on VAN HALEN’s “Hot For Teacher”, courtesy of opening track “Hot For Preacher”, but we’re not talking extra-curricular activities here, nor are we dabbling in any sort of secret sins in the sacrisity with choir boy of the month. It’s in fact, seemingly a stab at modern society and damning indictment on the state of humanity. It’s as if, in a world where we scream for individuality and acceptance, the simultaneous juxtaposition of not being allowed to have that freedom of thought looms over. People preach of inclusivity, rights and equality to an obsequious level of hypocrisy. Imagine having your cake, eating it, and still complaining someone else also had cake. This is the world we live in. 

You can be who you want to be, so long as it suits others. Lines like “Your path has been chosen, your voice has been torn out at the roots, what else is new?”, and “We are so far, so lost, it’s true, we can’t attempt to start anew, we lost our way so long ago”...it’s a defeatist viewpoint but sadly ON point. Juggling hope and criticism. All this is delivered with a fine slab of catchy, energetic, gang-vocal led angst, and it’s a fine opener indeed. 

Dan takes up vocal duty on “Versions Of You” and we’ve got a slightly off-kilter instrumental presentation, it’s quirky for the most part before we’re hit with a classic sounding Alkaline Trio chorus, rich in simple hooks melody. A highly cathartic and reflective track; it speaks of a mixture of infidelity, distrust and dishonesty, via self-reflection and coming to terms with a dead relationship. It deals with being lied to and catfished, the victim blaming and the disintegration of a connection through no fault of your own. You fell for the person, while falling for the person if you will. It’s actually comically relatable this one. “I can only say how fully disappointed I am”. 

Further album highlights include “Break”, which has this intense build up to a deep, hard-hitting piano-backed punk-pop riff. It’s an almost maniacal dose of social commentary, in its own ways watching the world fall apart around you with a sense of “I told you so”. It’s very nihilistic in presentation, very defeatist, but when it's done like this, I.E, done properly, it shows you how poor Green Day’s newest album is in terms of getting messages across. There’s bite to this and it gets you pumped up.  

Lyrics like “Like a werewolf in a dungeon or the bride of Frankenstein” highlight a sense of chaos, confusion and horror, what are we doing here? The world is a mess, and the chorus sums it up brilliantly. “When we break down, when we fall apart, you’ll be there smiling ear to ear and splashing around in our blood, screaming, god damnit I cannot get enough”. No matter what we do, or what we say, we’re all watching the world burn, and it’s laughable, because we’re all so focused on all of the wrong things. We’re in an abusive relationship with the world, and Jerry Springer isn’t around to open our eyes and ears with his final thoughts. 

The title track on paper sounds like the beginnings of a spell or, a potion of sorts, and it’s apt as lyrically we’re dealing with a sense of heartache and bitterness. “We lost touch, and you left town, you said, I never ever want to see your mother fucking face again”, but it’s a song about self-love, self-care and finding your feet again, in a numbed state of mental and emotional recovery. It’s equally vitriolic and therapeutic. But, it’s delivered under the veil of a wonderfully jovial guitar tone for an up-beat pop-rock aesthetic.  

Tracks like “Bad Time” hark back to the sounds of “Crimson” in ways, and it’s a song of longing for love, riddled with excuses and obstacles, because life gets in the way, however absurd. Some of the album is more a case of blood, sweat and tears however, as tracks like “Meet Me” have patches of lazy lyricism, heavy on repetition, though it does house a lovely, lulling bridge. “Hinterlude” is a brief instrumental and a play on words...an album interlude, taking in the peace and solitude of the moment, while a hinterland depicts an area lying beyond what is visible or known...the blissfulness of nothing if you will. And while quaint within context, it really is an empty minute.  

We rather brutally finish up on another slab of social commentary courtesy of “Teenage Heart”, and it takes a stab, or a shot if you will, at the mental health of today’s youth in America. “All I want for Christmas is an AR-15, my stocking stuffed with fentanyl. Drop like a fly at the ripe age of 16, wishing I had I friend to call”. It touches on school shootings and the negative mindset of today’s youth, painting a truly morbid picture. I guess the blood, hair and eyeballs are plastered over the school corridors, which is no laughing matter. Unless it’s art class. Jackson Pollock would be proud. I jest. 

Alkaline Trio do have a distinct sound and overall vibe, that’s for sure, and it does separate them from an abundance of mediocrity. The darkness of their songwriting, the dual vocal presentation allowing for exploration of themes, emotions and storytelling, and the undeniable ability to write some of the catchiest alternative rock songs is something any band would be envious of. Is this their finest work? Arguably not, but it doesn’t make it a poor record by any means. The satirical lyricism, the hooks, the poetic misery and danceable qualities to the depressive nature of their content makes them truly unique. Add “Blood, Hair, And Eyeballs” to your shopping list, it’s a recipe for a good time, I promise. [8] 

WWW.ALKALINETRIO.COM
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Green Day - "Saviors"

7/4/2024

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​Certain things are simply made for one another, and rightfully go hand in hand, can we all agree? Like, Jack and Coke for example. If I could get endorsed by Ol’ Uncle Jasper, believe me, I would. I’d happily pickle myself in your Tennessee tastiness HMMMMMMMM (Makes Shayne Topp horny face)…*cough*, sorry I got carried away there. Moving on. Another example would be pineapple on pizza. Before you try to cancel me, get yourself a ham & pineapple and add some freshly sliced jalapenos, make yourself a spicy Hawaiian then apologise to me AND Canada, when you learn it’s the best damn pizza in the world. (Look I know Canada produced Justin Bieber and Nickelback as well but, swings and roundabouts, alright?) A fairer example, however, would be punk and politics, and this ties us into today’s band; GREEN DAY. 

Now, punk rock at its core, has always been very anti-establishment in its principles, it’s message and its purpose, going back decades to its very conception. Ranging from the likes of DEAD KENNEDYS and SEX PISTOLS, and in more recent era’s artists like PUSSY RIOT, to name just a select few. There has always been a voice for the people. People don’t always listen, don’t get me wrong, that’s why the US Presidential election campaign is a joke, and the UK’s populous seems to comprise of utterly braindead sadomasochistic fuckwits, that seemingly WANT themselves and our nation to be thoroughly buggered in every taxable way possible. Rishi Sunak is not my Prime Minister. 

Where do Green Day fit into this? Well in their lengthy career, they’ve established themselves as one of the biggest names in the punk/pop-punk genre, with “Dookie” firmly putting them on the map thirty years ago, before “American Idiot” completely reinvigorated them during the second Bush administration. They wonderfully blended social commentary with deeper agendas and it catapulted them to a status of one of the biggest bands of the new Millennium. So, what happened? They peaked.  

Everything they’ve done since, has failed to live up to the pop-culture impact and success of “American Idiot”. Commercially, granted, their name carried them, and they’ve charted well since, but fans haven’t been overly impressed. Be it the all-filler, no killer trilogy that was “Uno”, “Dos” and “Tre”, for example, in which the band very clearly had ideas above their station yet no real direction, or the incredibly phoned in “Revolution Radio”, and we can’t forget the absolute shit-show that was “Father Of All Motherfuckers”. Green Day seemingly turned into a band without cause, or even relevancy. Can a group of fifty-something punks not even so much as cling onto, but reclaim their youthful, vitriolic drive on latest album “Saviours”? There’s only one way to find out. 

We open up with “The American Dream Is Killing Me” and it would be hilarious, if a polka-dot clad Dusty Rhodes was dishing out Bionic Elbows here, but we aren’t that fortunate. Lyrically it IS a powerful song, and it's a damning indictment on what is very clearly an illusion. For what feels like forever, we’ve all been sold on the American dream. You go there to prosper; for opportunity, for wealth, for success, but, with lines like “People on the street, unemployed and obsolete”, and “My country under siege on private property”, it’s more of a capitalist nightmare, as the working and lower classes, the true people of the country are being increasingly overlooked, and abused by the very home they are meant to feel so undeniably patriotic and proud of. When Billie Joe Armstrong sings “We’re paedophiles for the American dream...” you know it’s a problem, likening such a sickening perversion to the simple want of a better-quality life. The only trouble here? Its their own sound. This song is just so happy-go-lucky, and bounces along with just this, too-ironic, juxtaposing frivolity, you forget the seriousness of the subject matter, because you’re just bopping along to a fun piece of pop-punk. 

Tracks like ”Look Ma, No Brains!” touch upon a sense of arrogant ignorance that a lot of people view Americans as having, with opening line “Don’t know much about history, ‘Cause I never learned how to read”. There’s a lack of awareness and self-reflection within America it feels, and this is a decent slab of social satire. One of the main promotional singles was “One Eyed Bastard”, which resulted in Ofcom being inundated with zero complaints, as Cyclops’ don’t exist outside of Greece, so they’re safe. Controversial for all of the wrong reasons, it’s been alleged that they heavily plagiarised P!NK of all people for the main riff, and the resemblance is uncanny to be fair. The song being “So What?”, which, I’d imagine is exactly what Green Day thought when writing this. It’s also got shades of “Holiday” in tone and presentation, just slowed down, so they’re even riffing off their own material, almost sounding recycled, or lazy even. 

We have a subtly punk-infused indie-pop ballad in the form of “Suzie Chapstick” which reminds of THE LIGHTNING SEEDS or WEEZER in its soft semi-acoustic strumming, while “Living In The 20’s” gives us arguably the albums edgiest track in terms of tonality. It’s got some nice crunching guitar, back to basics but delivered with more bite and attitude. This is more like it, and easily one of the albums highlights. The title track “Saviors” is ironically self-depreciating. We thought Green Day were intending to BE the saviors here, and that, that was their mission statement; to save face by saving their scene, this new generation; giving us a reason to deviate from the norm. Instead, it’s more of a defeatist attitude, basically stating that hey, we’re no spring chickens, where are the kids that are up in arms, where are the kids with dreams to make a stand? Where are the kids that want to make a difference? They are the future, THEY will be the saviors, and it’s essentially a rallying cry. Again, however, given the way the band write songs, it’s too despondent...it’s like, they’ve given up, and are just asking, even hoping, that more people make their voices count. We finish with some “Fancy Sauce” and sadly this isn’t the least bit sexual. It’s quite a sluggish track, but lyrically nods to the video for “Basket Case” in places, almost coming full circle in the bands story arc.  

Ultimately, here we have a case of the right messages, purpose and sentiment driving these songs lyrically, but Green Day do what Green Day do, and their almost whimsical style of song writing negates any of the seriousness they intend with the points they are making. Yes, you are a multiplatinum, absolutely massive band in name and appreciation, but if you’re going to take jabs at society, the government, the establishment, your countries situation and way of life...you've got to sound like you mean it man. You can’t be like, let’s call out the bullshit but make you want to dance to it at the same time. The messages they try to portray are sincere, don’t get me wrong, but there’s absolutely nothing about them here musically that says, we need to be angry, we need to be pissed off and we need to do something about a lot of things. The only thing they are saving here is their own airplay value and income. Green Day might be saying some of the right things here, but it is severely lacking conviction. The American dream isn't killing you...you're just slowly killing yourselves with mediocrity.  [5]

WWW.GREENDAY.COM
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Sam Smith - "A Lonely Christmas" EP

24/12/2023

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“It’s Christmas time...there’s no need to be afraid...”. Never has a lyric been sung so confidently, yet with such naivety, than that opening line of the BAND AID single “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”. The festive fear is in fact; justified. Yes, it’s that time of year, where retail stores, radios, adverts and office parties run through the Groundhog Day that is the classic Christmas soundtrack. The same tired, tested and tedious tracks year in year out, like some sort of glitch in Santa’s grotto, AKA an Amazon warehouse.  

We’re
in the year 2023, but the likes of MARIAH CAREY continue to emerge from their seasonal slumber, to sacrifice some poor souls, allowing her acidulous screeching's to earn her royalties. PAUL McCARTNEY spends an entire year trying to teach his choirboys just to sing “Ding Dong Ding Dong”... easily, undoubtedly the world’s shittiest choir. Come on lads, you’ve got TWO words to learn, put the priest's penis down and concentrate! I mean it can’t possibly get much worse? Surely? There’s no need to be afraid, right? Wrong. The following EP will make you wish you had coal in your stocking, and it caught fire, and burnt your house down, not only ruining your turkey, but killing your family too. We’re talking about SAM SMITH and the “A Lonely Christmas” EP.  

Sam has been in the limelight quite a lot this year, be it collaborating with KIM PETRAS on super-single “Unholy”, which, credit where it’s due, became one of the year's biggest pop songs, while promoting the latest album “Gloria” ...or, be it through image and presentation via some abhorrent fashion choices. Now, let’s get this out of the way, I don’t particularly give a shit about pronouns, it all makes less sense to me than the cinnamon challenge, or eating Tide pods. Too many misinformed youngsters jumping on another bandwagon let’s be honest. If Sam wants to identify as a non-binary, he/she/they/them/it/what/the/actual/fuck then, that’s a they/them problem. Frankly pronouns are the least of his worries; I haven’t gotten to the music yet. “A Lonely Christmas” is less four tracks of merriment, more, four tracks of Mary, the DNA tests show that Joseph IS NOT THE FATHER!!!! (The audience gasps, Mary, you slag!). Like an audible Glasgow kiss under the mistletoe, let’s tackle this tinsel covered tragedy head on... 

We
open up with “Night Before Christmas” and I assure you not a creature is stirring here. They aren’t concerned about Santa catching them peeking, they are just bored shitless. It’s an incredibly cliched Christmas ballad, fuelled by slow percussion, the softest of bluesy guitar notes and delicate underlying piano keys. Sam’s husky vocals are delivered in a lulling, melodic fashion and it harks back to the likes of early ELVIS PRESLEY, while soulfully channelling MICHAEL BUBLE in its soft croon. As traditional as it may sound, let's be honest, the night before Christmas is typically filled with excitement, with wonder. You leave your milk, cookies and carrots out for Santa and his reindeer...but we all know they are on a full-on cocaine trip. If you think Santa can cover the globe in one night, on cookies, milk and carrots, maybe some mince pies, without copious amounts of cocaine, you belong with the children. Reindeers fly with magic ‘dust’, yeah? Oh, and you saw mommy kissing Santa Claus? She’s having an affair, your parents are getting divorced, but, you get two Christmases. Yay! 

We follow up with “The Lighthouse Keeper”, and other than one solitary reference to Christmas, it’s a generic love-lorn ballad. Conceptually guiding a loved one home to your open arms. It’s sweet with its orchestral elements, traditional vibe and aesthetic, but Sam is so vocally beige. He tries to be soulful in his hushed presentation, but there are jokes in crackers with more life than this. You know how CHRIS REA is driving home for Christmas? Lost, every year? A sat-nav would fix his problems, get him home to his family, FINALLY...Sam bought a TomTom but with two very masculine names it was too cis male for him to cope with. An electronic device with a more confident gender identity is too much in 2023.  

Next up we have “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”, of JUDY GARLAND fame. A truly nostalgic, festive classic, made even more famous by the likes of FRANK SINATRA etc. A timeless track, best delivered in that crackly, early Hollywood croon, and with that said, no, scrap that. Forget I even mentioned it. Sam warbles it like the worst rendition of “America The Beautiful” at Wrestlemania... seriously...every year artists perform it because Mr, McMahon prefers it to the star-spangled banner, but this is more like a scarred, strangled cat. He just emptied the jazz lounge, and Santa just phoned in sick. Hundreds of millions of kids are waiting for toys, and the Chinese children can't handle the overtime you prick! That’s how depressing this track is. Alright his voice carries well, with soulful vibrato...but it’s like, asking for Minecraft, and your grampa gets you Mein Kampf.  

Finally, then we
finish up on “Palace” ...no reference to Christmas, just an acoustic ballad about more love-loss, courtesy of some legitimately poetic lyrics. Quaint, but the same old, same old... over these four tracks, Sam never shifts out of first gear. A competent vocalist, I’ll concede, but here he’s a one-trick pony. Similar tones, similar keys, identical delivery; overall monotonous in his presentation, which sucks for the holidays. Sam has done well for himself, that’s undeniable, regardless of his fashion sense, but his music on this instance, is about as festive as breast cancer. We complain that artists from the last 40 to 50 years saturate the Christmas market, year in, year out, but when modern artists like Sam are putting out depressing drivel like this, you’re actually ok with WIZZARD. Christmas music is a strange phenomenon as it is...it’s either too cheesy, or too sad. Rarely you’ll find a song that genuinely makes you feel festive...Sam sadly falls on the sad side of that chocolate coin. If anyone enjoys this...you DESERVE a lonely Christmas to be honest...[1] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/SAMSMITHWORLD
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Regina Hardon - "Bucket Pussy" EP

19/11/2023

1 Comment

 
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You’ll know and understand by now that, I seldom take myself seriously when it comes to my written review content. Don’t get me wrong, there are albums that I do genuinely adore, and occasionally a new band, or artist will pop up that I legitimately recommend and promote wholeheartedly, but, for the most part, I prefer the challenges of the downright questionable.  

There are records by the likes of say, COREY FELDMAN or, BIG DUMB FACE that I’ve tried to be fair with, despite me needing to clean grey matter from under my fingernails, having scratched my head so hard out of confusion. But neither of these were necessarily offensive to my eardrums, despite the low scores, just, stylistically quirky in their own right; unique in many aspects, and unashamedly indulgent in the particular artistic avenues they chose to travel down.  

There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s funny when they get upset. Corey, I accept if I got it wrong when I thought you were in one of the “Sharknado” films... HOWEVER, you proudly correcting me that you were instead in an indie-flick about periods that nobody has heard of is no better. That isn’t cult status, that’s a typo. Wes Borland? I gave your Big Dumb sequel a 5 out of 10, because I was honestly on the fence. I didn’t hate it, I just explained that it’s been a long time since the first big dumb album...people tend to forget. People were going to listen to the new one and think, what in the ever-loving fuck is this?! It’s like, you expect some LIMP BIZKIT, but when you open the tin its Nan’s sewing kit. I digress. 

However, there are then those records that exist
in spite of common decency...the kind of art that would wipe the smile off of even Bob Ross’ face. The kind of content that, if spoken of in a confession booth, would find the priest asking for forgiveness while hiding your body. Such records include that WILLIAM SHATNER blues album...that “Ram Ranch” album which is less yee-haw and more hell-naw, and we can’t forget KIM PETRAS. That last one ties us into today’s review...let me explain. 

If you recall, Kim’s “Slut Pop” EP was quite simply filth. I mean it delivered on its promise, being one of the sluttiest selections of sexualised dance-pop anyone has ever heard outside of a Brazzers shoot. But it has a challenger. Let me, try to introduce you to REGINA HARDON. Little is known about Regina; to the point where we don’t particularly know if she’s even actually real, with some suggesting it’s some sort of AI project. Allegedly UK based, the only biography I can find on her is riddled with nonsense and there is nothing but mystique surrounding her. This year found her releasing her debut EP; “Bucket Pussy”, as she implores the listener to “grab a raincoat and explore her anatomy”. I implore you to grab your toaster and run a bath...let’s get this over with. 

The EP
opens up (I mean it’s practically gaping to be honest) with “Call Me Kim”. While contextually you could believe this to be a direct nod to Miss Petras, for opening the floodgates for such content, it’s more than likely an out-of-date reference to Kim Kardashian given some of the lyrics, and once again it’s the lyrics that grab your attention harder than Donald Trump can grab a pussy.  

It’s for the best part a track about getting dicked and making a sex tape essentially, and some of this lyricism is simply poetic. “Come in my room lets have some fun, see how many dicks you can fit in my bum” ...you going for a Guinness world record love? How many do you need up there like? “Rub my clit let's make a porno, make sure you strum it just like a banjo” ...ah yes, the banjo, the most seductive of instruments. Nothing says passionate love making like the sound of being sodomised by hillbillies. “Swallow your kids – call it child neglect” and “Murder this bussy like you’re Jeffrey Dahmer” ...make you double-take, but the following lines legitimately made me laugh out loud. “Think I queefed when you went down on me, blasted you away like Hurricane Sandy” and last but by no means least, “Find my clitoris, make me wet, pussy talk French oui oui baguette”. Words evade me I swear...we’re only one track in and I’m at a loss. We haven’t even touched on the music. It's slow, low and synth-driven with minimal clapped percussion with light high-hat dustings...it’s frankly irrelevant. Seriously, it’s ONLY background noise as she spoken-word raps away in a very flat, lifeless manner; this is awful. 

We follow up with “In The Air” and we’ve got more of a pulsing electronic aesthetic kicking things off, before the first line “Took a shit in the shower”. Marvellous. She didn’t even waffle stomp it down the plug hole, dirty bitch. The vocal delivery here is more regimented, almost bullet pointed and cold, very synthetic in presentation, and it remains this way for the track's duration in more of that spoken word style. She’s on about, doing yoga on the pole, paying for drinks with her hole, all the while at the bar with her dad? More absurd lyrics about sex and it’s really quite one-dimensional already. In the air? In the bin with this one. 

Halfway there now and we have her first single I believe; “Never Been To Mexico”. Now, I myself have never been to Mexico, but I promise you this instant, you’ll never see me writing and recording songs about riding dick because of it. I don’t care how good the tacos are. Apparently, it’s about giving sexual favours in return for being spoiled with exotic holidays and such, sort of unashamedly sugar-daddy-ish. The instrumentation again is minimal at best, some synth-effects giving off an echoed sound, with more basic high-hat tickling. More lines like “My bum is soft like an uncooked chicken breast” continue to ensure this is utterly ridiculous and it’s already not funny by this point. You’ve probably never been to Mexico because they won’t allow you into the country, on account of you likely being so incredibly infectious with a catalogue of STD’s. North America wouldn’t have seen such devastation to its populations health since Columbus landed! 

There’s nothing subtle about our next track; “Sitting On His Face”. It’s got this almost icy hip-hop / trap style beat which gives it more of an urban vibe, which does admittedly accompany Regina’s vocal delivery better, but that’s about as much of a compliment you’ll get out of me for this entire EP. Her spoken style and presentation here honestly reminds me of that LOUIS THEROUX money jiggle-jiggle rap, that’s how toneless we’re talking. Some of the lyrics here are outright nasty, like, seriously I want to jet wash my ear drums with a flamethrower. “I start to cream but its green cause I’m clapped” and “His tongue is in my sandwich; he’s having a picnic” nearly put me off my kebab. NEARLY. 

Finally, then we finish on (No I
won't say that I won't give it the satisfaction), we conclude this EP with the title track, “Bucket Pussy” and we’d have been naïve to expect anything different here really, wouldn’t we? It’s another subdued, lightly synth layered, percussive piece of background noise for more eloquently delivered smut, as she proudly describes the sheer enormity of her massive apocalyptic minge. There is a slight key change to her vocals on the chorus, if you can call it that...so there IS progression...but it’s far, far too little too late for redemption at this point.  

Given the lack of variety in Regina’s monotone vocal delivery it’s easy to see where the AI accusations come from, as well as the lack of information and photos, but regardless of if she is some computer-generated project or not, this EP is about as entertaining as chemotherapy and about as welcome as Jimmy Saville hosting BBC's Children In Need. The music is an afterthought and contributes next to nothing of merit, while the flat delivery of such strumpet loaded lyrics makes you wonder, what is the point? There is the briefest period of amusement on first listen given the ridiculousness of the content, but the shock value and humour dissipates well before the end of this five-track EP. I could let a Brazilian wandering spider bite me directly on the dick and I still wouldn’t get hard for Regina here, honestly, I think we’ve found a cure for priapism. This is one of the single worst things I’ve heard in my entire life. Sure, I’ll call you Kim, but I’m calling my ass an Uber because having listened to that, I’m off to the GUM clinic. [0]

1 Comment

Dewar - "Rudiment"

12/11/2023

8 Comments

 
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Let’s tackle some new music, shall we? My last couple of posts here have essentially been me indulging in my own sense of teenage nostalgia; briefly looking back at my own personal growth and evolution in music over twenty years, but this is GTGC not AVGN, as we can’t keep going back to the past, and I’d certainly rather not eat the rotten asshole of a roadkill skunk, regardless of the beer I was downing it with! (If you know, you know) We must keep our ears to the ground; listening out for fresh new tunes. Or just use the internet...that’ll be easier. With that being said, let me introduce to you today’s subject of review; a Scottish artist by the name of DEWAR. 

Kirsty Dewar is a Falkirk-based singer-songwriter who has been in the game for fifteen years now, and has worked with a plethora of huge names in pop music, ranging from RONAN KEATING to the SUGABABES. Kirsty got in touch with me through LinkedIn, generally asking about my written content. I supplied her some links, and she was kind enough to trust me with a review. Trust is a strong word; this genuinely isn’t foreshadowing. I promised her a write-up for her latest release; “Rudiment” which came out on September 1st, and despite not being my usual cup of tea, it would have been rude for me to ignore her. Let’s check it out... 

We open up with a track called “Alone Again” and it really sets the tone for a generally heavy-hearted listen. It starts with this plodding, anguished percussion and the saddest, softly plucked, echoing guitar strings, and the tracks vibe is one of true pain and longing, before we even get to Dewar’s vocals. She sings of a loneliness and love-loss, facing life's challenges on her own again once more, and she sounds genuinely defeated. This is very emotive stuff. 

Following this we have “Waste My Time” which has more of a funk-based, groove-rich approach instrumentally, despite having a similar tempo. There’s more of a swagger and defiance to her vocal delivery in the chorus here, and it’s a more attitude-fuelled track all in all. “The Show Is Never Over” retains elements of funk but houses more of a soft, 80’s pop aesthetic with her clean, semi-soulful vocals, and the retro aspects work well. 

So far so good but generally safe, do we have any highlights here that stand out? “Wolves” has a wonderfully gritter indie vibe to the chorus, it’s quite bold and assertive, carrying some lovely vocal hooks akin to MACHINE HEART at times, with a lyrical vulnerability, and more prominent guitar in places that inject life into the track. “To See You” is arguably our choice pick here, as the piano, low-key synth aspects and percussion allow for a simple yet effective pop ballad. It’s easy to see that Dewar has previously worked with Sugababes, as it would easily befit the likes of them, ATOMIC KITTEN or GIRLS ALOUD for example in terms of its tone, layered vocal production and presentation. Not as energetic perhaps but it works. 

We round the album off with “Dance In The Shadows” that has more of the hushed vocals over soft piano; very percussion driven and it’s the kind of track that fans of RAE MORRIS would appreciate, before we aptly close things with “This Chapter”. It’s primarily more of the same, and ultimately, we end as we started. That’s not strictly a negative comment, but there is an aspect of this album that is primarily formulaic, bordering on one-dimensional over its run-time. 

Sure, here on “Rudiment” Dewar delivers a fine collection of softly emotive, ballad-driven indie pop, with funk, folk and soulful influences sprinkled throughout, giving it enough character to be pleasant, but nothing truly jumps out at you, aside from a few key changes or vocal hooks. I guess the title here is fitting in that aspect as, at its core principles, this is a pretty straightforward, no-nonsense album that revels in its own simplicity. It's not overtly flashy, it’s not ground-breaking, but it is contemporary as a lot of artists like MYLEY CYRUS, BILLIE EILISH and LEWIS CAPALDI etc are all peddling powerfully emotional pop ballads. Dewar has a good quality vocal projection and has plenty of confidence in her singing and song writing, but other than fleeting moments here and there it sticks to its own unwavering path creatively, resulting in a mostly mimetic listen. I guess you could say rudimentary, my dear Watson...[6] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/DEWARMUSIC
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The Darkness - "Permission To Land...Again"

4/10/2023

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As I’ve stated plenty of times before, back in the early 2000’s, we were in the height of the Nu-Metal era. All of the freshest bands were peddling in down tuned guitars; combining elements of alternative rock and metal, with rap and hip-hop, and traces of the tail end of grunge, and while the likes of LIMP BIZKIT and LINKIN PARK were riding high with chart success and platinum albums, there was always going to be a place, for good old-fashioned rock ‘n’ roll. It’s at the very core of what we enjoy under many guises today, as rock ‘n’ roll will never truly die. By that I mean, it’s like CARRY ON films, they’re dated as fuck but, they’re fondly remembered for what they were. Nowadays we have an ever so slightly over-saturated market for modern classic rock bands but, that’s a whole different kettle of fish, and we aren’t talking about when rivers meet in the kitchen... 

Today, we celebrate another anniversary, as twenty years ago, Suffolk based spandex enthusiasts THE DARKNESS unleashed their debut album; “Permission To Land”. Permission was granted too, as they spent four weeks holding onto the coveted UK No.1 Album spot in the official charts, selling over a million copies, fending off the likes of IRON MAIDEN and DAVID BOWIE. It won them Brit Awards and made them rock ‘n’ rolls newest stars. Now, in 2023, let’s look back and shine another light on The Darkness, as we check out their new four-disk anniversary set and grant them “Permission To Land...Again”. 

Disk one kicks off with the original album plus a couple of demos, and we’re greeted with a little folklore a la “Black Shuck”. An East Anglian death omen, a devil dog of sorts, it supposedly terrorised church folk, but here it’s all very tongue-in-cheek. We’re treated to some ascending riff and drum work, very bluesy and gritty, before we’re met with front-man Justin Hawkins, and his unique and impressively high vocal range. He jovially sings of how this demon dog don’t give a fuck, as they swagger through a high energy hard rock number, with wailing guitars and a simplistic AC/DC-esque intensity. It’s a fun opener and caught many by surprise. 

Next up we have our first solid album highlight, by the brief bombardment of lead single “Get Your Hands Off My Woman”. The rolling intro of gradually built bass and cymbals, leading into a flurry of intense glam rock, with some insanely high-pitched vocal screeches. It’s got light punk rock qualities in its attitude and fuzzy production, coupled with the frenetic solo, but it’s an undeniably entertaining piece of rock. This certainly caught people's attention in the February of 2003.  

To say the album was top heavy, would be a fair assessment, as the following three tracks were also singles, and they certainly wanted to make an impression. “Growing On Me” is a twisted tale of relationship uncertainty; jumbled emotions and confusion, treating love almost like a fungus. Who’s really growing on who? Justin here is incredibly juxtaposed in what he wants, or feels, but there is definitely something there. Dan Hawkins is once again allowed to let rip on a guitar solo and this is just a band in full swing. 

Speaking of full swing, we have the bands piece de resistance... “I Believe In A Thing Called Love”. A 21st century anthem, it’s undeniably their biggest song, and the track that put them on the map. From the music video battling space aliens, to the catchy, sing-along harmonies where EVERYONE tried to reach those high notes and failed miserably. It’s got clap-along qualities and riffs not seen since the likes of QUEEN and it’s just splendid. Arguably overplayed at rock clubs and alternative DJ nights, but it’s still a fantastic, light-hearted rock number. 

The albums strongest track though, debatably, is “Love Is Only A Feeling”. The gentle nature of this sweet, emotive rock ballad is simply stunning. The guitars and overall tone ooze a mature sense of longing and heartache, and the Spanish guitars, with subtle keys merely add a level of romanticism. And that solo too! This is played with passion and a sense of honesty rarely found in rock bands. This is from the heart and it’s wonderful. 

The remaining half of the album is fine, but as previously stated it has been front-loaded. “Friday Night” has some jovial lyrics about ping-pong, badminton and gymnastics, it’s a quirky song about being nerds at school, but meeting at a dance hall and reconnecting. It’s sweet in its delivery but emphasises naïve, youthful romance. It’s like, “Friday I’m Love” by THE CURE in a catsuit and far less Goth. “Holding My Own” closes the album with another ballad, and as touching as it is, can’t compete with our previous efforts. 

The demos consist of unreleased tracks like “Out Of My Hands” and “Nothings Gonna Stop Us”, which are fine ballads and energetic numbers respectively, while “Black Shuck” gets the Vincent Price homage with a creepy intro a la “Thriller”. “I Believe In A Thing Called Love” has the elements in place but it’s slower, with more synth underlay, and is a far cry from the finished song. A couple of tracks to check out but, the band picked all of the right singles to be fair. With the added production quality of course. I believe in a thing called studio engineering.  

Disk two then follows up with pretty much more of the same. There are alternate versions of the album tracks, different edits and such, clean and explicit cuts of tracks, and little nuances that die-hard fans would love to get their teeth into, as well as some more unreleased demos and recordings. “The Best Of Me” houses this semi–STATUS QUO aesthetic to its structure and guitar sound, bouncing along innocently enough like a filler track. “Bareback” is, despite it's potential in name alone, a pretty run of the mill rock instrumental, nothing flashy, it’s the kind of track they may use to walk out on stage to, to get the crowd warmed up etc. It's less bareback and more slow missionary with an extra thick condom on. Nobody enjoys that now, come on guys, shake yourselves. Ironically enough, “Physical Sex” is a dig at cyber and long-distance relationships, with amusingly relatable lines like “...a fuck should be multi-sensory, and you just can’t smell an email”. The main highlight here, however, would be their 21st century Holiday anthem “Christmas Time (Don’t Let The Bells End)”. This tongue-in-cheek masterclass in festive fun was only narrowly pipped to the Christmas No.1 spot upon its release, but it’s a song that’ll certainly stay a staple of many households’ Christmas soundtracks. 

The remaining two disks consist of live recordings, from when The Darkness performed at The Astoria, Knebworth and Wembley between 2003 and 2004, when both the album and the bands popularity was at its hottest. Again, nice to have as part of a collection for the bigger fans but if you aren’t that bothered about live albums it probably won’t make a difference to you here. All in all, while we’re currently in a scene where, this self-proclaimed new wave of classic rock is flooding festivals up and down the country, twenty years ago, The Darkness and this stunning debut, were a real breath of fresh air. The comedic aspects and Justin Hawkin’s vocals aren’t to everyone’s tastes, and the band have failed to match the heights of this album in the years since, but “Permission To Land” is simply a brilliantly fun rock ‘n’ roll album, and it deserves recognition. Give it another chance, maybe this time it’ll grow on you. Just keep your hands off my woman, motherfucker... [9] 
WWW.THEDARKNESSLIVE.COM
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A Love Letter To "Love Metal"

7/9/2023

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Back in 2003, this particular reviewer’s life changed forever. Having been swept up in the phenomenon that was Nu-Metal as a young teenager, with my true formative years being spent heavily influenced by LINKIN PARK, LIMP BIZKIT and such, a certain album and a certain band would completely reshape my life, and surprisingly, for those who know me, it wasn’t BECAUSE of a certain skateboarding Jackass! (Great minds think alike is all I can say). We are of course, talking about HIM...and the Gothic rock masterpiece that is “Love Metal”. 

While I may have been freshly vibing with the metal and hip-hop infused aesthetics of the aforementioned Nu-metal giants, I was absorbing a lot of new sounds and styles that I had discovered, since my early days of listening to REPUBLICA and ROBBIE WILLIAMS on cassette. OK, OK, the SPICE GIRLS too. I was watching Kerrang! and Scuzz whenever able, and I’d started purchasing Kerrang! Magazine and Metal Hammer, learning about all of these different genres and subcultures; such was the wide variety of heavier or alternative options.  

On March 15th, 2003, Kerrang! Magazine issue 946 included a free CD entitled “Revved Up!” and it included a plethora of up-and-coming artists, setting the alternative and independent rock scene ablaze. Ranging from THE ATARIS to ADEMA, and HELL IS FOR HEROES to HOT HOT HEAT... life was good ...life was loud. HOWEVER, on that very compilation album, sitting at track twelve, was a little band called HIM, with a stunningly unique track incorrectly titled “The Heart Of Darkness”. It’s actually “The Sacrament”, which is fucking sacrilege in itself to be fair, but I digress. The genuinely moving romanticism, instrumentation and delivery of this one track alone, made me sit up and take note. This was different, this wasn’t Nu-Metal, this wasn’t any sort of post-rock, this wasn’t even necessarily emo; this was DIFFERENT different...and I was hooked. I HAD to buy this album, I had to learn about HIM. The rest as they say was history. Fast-forward twenty years later, I still love HIM, and this album as much as, if not MORE than the day I first heard it. Join me...not in death, but as we celebrate 20 years of “Love Metal”. 

The album opens up with “Buried Alive By Love” and I challenge you to name a more impactful and fitting opening track. There’s a reason why HIM started many of, if not the majority of, their live sets post-2003 with this track, up until their separation in 2017. From the instantly attention-commanding crashing of Gas’ cymbals, leading into that surging barrage of Linde’s riffs and Mige’s driving bass, subtly underlined by Burton’s perfect synth bedding; it lays all of the foundations for Ville Valo’s velvety vocals.  

The way he can carry such smoothly crooned verses, before letting rip into these powerful, scorching choruses showcases a man and a band with intent. “Love Metal” was a statement. Valo jovially referred to “Razorblade Romance” as a middle finger to Gothic tropes and cliches, with its bright pink album cover, but this was their “Black Metal”, a la VENOM; this was DEFINING. The gold foil Heartagram, regal in presentation, on a backdrop of Gothic-inspired filigree showcased a band with a purpose. “Buried Alive By Love” hammered home that purpose from the moment you press play and it’s a faultless, dark rock ‘n’ roll masterclass. The fact that BAM MARGERA directed them a music video and got JULIETTE LEWIS on board, only bolstered their star power...magnificent. 

The hard-rocking energy doesn’t stop there... dubbed their BLACK SABBATH album by Valo, there were guitars aplenty throughout, such as with the scorching “Soul On Fire”. Again, perfectly balancing absolutely pummelling riffs with a sense of tender macabre, we fleet between the aggressive instrumentation of the intro and the tracks chorus, along with almost innocently sung lines like, “we are enslaved by the sacred heart of shame...and gently raped, by the light of day”. Really highlighting a deeply dark romanticism, despite being a lyric that’d likely garnering them heat in today’s day and age. It’s an incredibly intense track and another live favourite. 

While they are known for their riffs and guitar solos, keyboardist Burton is never an afterthought and is as vital to HIM’s sound as his fellow band mates, and this is highlighted on “Beyond Redemption”. The notes are subtle, other than the intro, and they ARE minimal, but they add a distinct depth to HIM’s sound. Granted they are far more prominent on their softer, sweeter, prior album “Deep Shadows And Brilliant Highlights”; it’s almost a pop album to be fair, but here it’s blended perfectly and enhances the bands overall output. Valo’s vocal crescendo here too is simply sublime; arguably on this album as a whole, he was peak in terms of delivery and production, and he knocks it out of the park.  

Speaking of HIM’s softer side, there
are tracks here that truly encapsulate the very idea of love metal not only as a niche, tongue in cheek subgenre, but the band as an entity, with Burton again being a key player, in more ways than one. “The Sacrament”, as mentioned in this reviews intro, utilises this simply stunning classical piano led piece of romantic Gothic indulgence, and the melodies build to this crestfallen blend of acoustics and sombre heartache. It’s yearning almost; begging from a broken heart without falling into any Emo tropes, and is simply an elegant piece of music and heartfelt song-writing. This is nothing short of beautiful. 

One cannot talk about this album without mentioning “The Funeral Of Hearts”. The song that saw them break into the UK Top 20 singles charts, this was the song that took them from mainland Europe to the UK and beyond. Again, with their Gothic splendour, melodies and darkly romantic lyrics, coupled with hooks, key-changes and wintery back-drop a-la their music video, they thawed many a frozen heart. The pop-production allowed for a true sing-along rock ballad, and it opened many eyes for those who weren’t already aware of their previous records. 

Elsewhere, the album is just stacked top to bottom with brilliance. “Circle Of Fear” is arguably the greatest HIM track of all time. The slow build of gentle guitars that gradually ascends into rhythmic percussion, deep baritone vocals, chorus hooks and overall mood is something that can only be admired; this is his infernal majesty at his most sovereign and we bow to it. “The Path” is progressive doom rock at its catchiest... and really teases at future offerings as found on “Venus Doom”. The foundations were set on tracks like this, as Valo indulged in deeper and darker inspirations. The same can be said for “Love’s Requiem”, which closes the album like a cinematic, emotive declaration; HIM mean business, and if you aren’t crying any tears of joy by now, I don’t trust you.  

The idea of “Love Metal” may have very well been a tongue in cheek gimmick, a way for Valo to deflect, have a bit of a dig, but in doing so he’s created one of the finest albums of the 21st century. From emerging out of their native Finland, to growing far bigger in Germany over the course of their first three albums, it was this album, coupled with the Jackass popularity through Bam, that saw them expand to the UK and beyond. “Love Metal” was defining by name, as it turns out, but with that gold shiny Heartagram emblazoned proudly on the cover, it was worth far more than its weight. Often ridiculed for not being true metal by gatekeepers, or frowned upon for being romantic or soft, HIM have always been a divisive band, but there is an unquestionable majesty here that demands respect. After twenty years, this album hasn’t lost an ounce of quality, and needs to be celebrated. I could never heart-a-bitch, but you should Heartagram...heed my words... give this album a re-listen. [10] 
EU.HEARTAGRAM.COM
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/THEHEARTAGRAM
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Raze - "Pyrography"

17/7/2023

4 Comments

 
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The following review that you’re about to read, came about purely by chance, as, the band and album in question were not even on my radar, let alone my infinite list of shit to listen to. No, today’s review can be credited to Nikki Smash, who I write content for over at RIFF YARD MEDIA. Courtesy of ONE EYED TOAD RECORDS, SaN PR forwarded Nikki the upcoming debut album from Hertfordshire based metal outfit RAZE, entitled “Pyrography”, scheduled for release on July 28th, and he himself gave it the review for the RYM website. (Check that out here). 

So, you may be wondering where I come into it? Nikki has a brilliant mind and is a very smart
dude when it comes to the music industry, but review writing isn’t something he does a great deal of, and so he asked me for my opinion on his review, because he felt he may have been a bit too harsh, or, blunt? You’re probably thinking, then why the fuck did he ask me of all people? Good question, but I read it over, and it was a very well put together, professionally critical piece of reviewing, that had no issues with its content whatsoever. 
 


He was worrying about
nothing essentially. I always say if you genuinely think something, commit it to pen, no point in watering down integrity. This is where I then said, casually, it could have been worse, I could have reviewed it! We laughed, then it dawned on me that, I have a blog of my own, which brings us to the here and now. So, with that being said; if Nikki thought HE was being harsh, well, someone hold my beer damnit. New question; will this Raze to the occasion and impress me, or is this pyro going to go up like the Grenfell Tower; a poorly planned tragedy? Let’s find out...
 


We open with “Maple”, but don’t expect bacon and pancakes, this ain’t no breakfast of champions. We get a deep, brooding guitar led opening with light cymbal's littering the background, before a more surging dose of melodic metal sweeps through, and it’s promising. The clean vocals have a very delicate baritone, before Louis Dunham takes off with a soaring chorus section. The ALTER BRIDGE and TREMONTI influences plain to see, and it's going well...before the growling. As it happens, the band threw LAMB OF GOD down as an influence too, so naturally the best thing to do is combine everything, and squeal like a rabid pig over parts of a generally decent song, ruining the ever-loving fuck out of it. It doesn’t fit, it does neither the track or Louis any favours, and is delivered with about as much grace as a coat hanger abortion.  

Follow up track “Better Off Alone” starts off harnessing more of a core heavy metal style, channelling further influences like MACHINE HEAD, but it also has an air of PANTERA to it in places. The heavier, guttural vocals do feel more at home here, as the instrumentation is more befitting of such a brutal approach; it isn’t jarring in any way, and the cleaner notes compliment the growls much better here. An admittedly sluggish, plodding riff carries the bulk of the track, and the guitar solo is sadly lost in a barrage of audible throat cancer, while drummer Ethan Morter smashes his plates like a bull in a China shop. Way overlayered here and it’s another potential highlight spoiled. 

Next up we have their most recent single “Roachman”, and this could be considered an album highlight. When they focus on clean melody, and incorporate their Southern-tinged hard rock, they actually have something decent going, as individually it is clear they are all incredibly competent performers and musicians, all of the potential is there, but there seems to be this need for everyone to be in the limelight, and these tracks at some point or another feel clustered and congested. Again, guttural vocals not necessary here, bringing the track down, and this one simply feels like two different tracks trying to work at once. Oh, and we HAVE to mention the video. Part live performance footage from their local town hall with all eleventeen people in attendance, part stop-motion claymation footage. Remember when CKY had that video for “Inhuman Creation Station” that was all stop-motion, that Bam directed? Yeah, this isn’t that. This is more like, Morph from “SMart”, but Mark Speight sculpted him AFTER he hung himself... 

The rest of the album finds itself in a bit of a pattern creatively. “C. Exigua” contains some quality guitar work and a pleasant solo, while “...Again” takes things too far, over-delivering on the fret-wankery, almost trying too hard. “Mellow Breeze” utilises some more crooned vocals for a slight change of pace but it’s quite anti-climactic, while “W.B.C.” again is very heavily layered in production. There is a lot going on here and we find another track blended in a messy, convoluted headache. Closing track “Blue Sky Vengeance” does have some enjoyable, funky bass lines that stand out because you can actually hear them here, but that’s about it for that. 

As
stated, as musicians, these lads can very obviously play, and they are more than technically proficient. Yes, it’s their debut album, yes, they want all the bells and whistles and yes, they have the potential to deliver some genuinely strong material in the probably near future, but they need to rein it in a little and understand less can be more. A lot of the time they don’t allow each other room to breathe, and the result is an often time needlessly noisy album. “Pyrography” sounds like a combination of pyromania and pornography...which I guess they think is hot by some means of a burning passion? It’s more like gonorrhea if you ask me; treatable but best not to have it in the first place...[4] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/RAZEBANDOFFICIAL
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Carcass + Conjurer: The Redhouse Merthyr (31/5/23)

11/6/2023

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Merthyr Tydfil is no stranger to live music. Whether it’s a large outdoor gathering in Cyfarthfa Park, which has hosted everyone from DONNY OSMOND and MADNESS, to ANTI-FLAG and TAKING BACK SUNDAY, or whether it’s one of the towns smaller bars or, venues like The New Crown, or The Redhouse, who offer everything from local bands, karaoke, cover/tribute acts, or artists like KIDS IN GLASS HOUSES, TOPLOADER, HOLDING ABSENCE and WHEATUS. There’s always something for everyone. 

This includes heavy alternative music too, as for a good while, local promoter Scott Meredith would organise CELTIC MOSH, a monthly music night of some of the UK’s hardest, fresh, up and coming underground metal acts. He regularly brought the heavy...but, it’s safe to say, few expected the level of heaviness about to hit this traditionally industrial town tonight. On Wednesday, May 31st, RIFF YARD MEDIA was a welcomed guest in The Redhouse, as UK Goregrind / death ’n’ roll veterans CARCASS makes Merthyr their morgue for the evening...and they brought friends. Let's see what unfolds as we go headbanging in the heads of the valleys... 

As per, the day was an adventure purely because this reviewer had completely forgotten about the gig. I was on lunch at the day job, sat in the Sun enjoying a cigarette, checking my emails, when I open a message from HOLD TIGHT PR (Thank you Lisa) confirming my press allocation for the event. I initially think, awesome, look forward to that, let me double check when it is again...oh...it’s TONIGHT? Shit. This alters my evening. No boring sitcom–esque cliches needed but insert the absolute mad-rush montage here of me trying to get into Merthyr for the 7pm doors after work. Imagine Benny Hill but in Drop G tuning... 

Regardless, I get to Merthyr for AROUND 7pm(ish), and there is a noticeably unusual amount of people with Camo cargo shorts and denim battle vests, full of random-ass patches. You can tell there’s a metal gig going down. One lad had a U2 badge sewn on though...and I am quite surprised he wasn’t taken to where the streets have no name, and been subject to a Wednesday bloody Wednesday to the point where the local police still haven’t found what they're looking for. I digress. Heading up the steps at the entrance of The Redhouse, I get my entry wristband, grab a pint can from their café-turned-bar room and head in to prepare for tonight's only support act; CONJURER. 

The Warwickshire 4-piece (Consisting of guitarist/vocalist Dan Nightingale, guitarist/vocalist Brady Deeprose, bassist Conor Marshall and drummer Noah See) are on a mission to reduce the Redhouse to rubble tonight, and they probably could have given time. While their set begins sweetly enough with some acoustic backing track and blue mood lighting, they soon tear into “It Dwells” and for the next 45 minutes, there is zero respite. It’s a small venue, and every riff, every throat burning scorcher of a vocal line has nowhere to go but through you, as you feel the bass, physically pummelling your chest harder than the local Gurnos boy racer, with the newest copied Clubland CD on full volume in his second-hand stolen Vauxhall Corsa. Both vocalists are situated either side of the stage, allowing Conor to take FULL advantage of his long locks and windmill his hair like he’s been sponsored by Head & Shoulders. Honestly, it’s majestic. 

There’s
little in the way of communication between band and crowd here as they mean business, as they soon switch into
“Rot” for a “Pathos” double-header. The slower, doom aspects of their metal, with subtle djent qualities really scrapes the gutter for this death-inspired onslaught; it truly is unforgiving. “Suffer Alone” has a far faster pacing and the punk-rich percussion allows this death/thrash monster to just tear through this packed hall. ”Scorn”, taken off their debut EP “I” showcases their early material, and the dual approach of Dan, who has the deeper, demonic vocals, while Brady has the higher pitched visceral snarling, giving them an extra dynamic. At one point Dan just steps away from the mic and just growls into the crowd and we can still hear him fine. Impressive control and projection credit to him, the bear that he is. The crowd don’t need much warming up on this fine summer evening but, fair play, Conjurer came in hot.

Finally, then, after a brief half-time break for more café Pint cans, Carcass hit the stage for a somewhat surreal moment, as the Liverpudlian thrashy death veterans seem out of place, in what is essentially a very smart looking modern town hall. With original members Bill Steer on guitar, and bassist/vocalist Jeff Walker, being joined by drummer Dan Wilding and touring guitarist James Blackford, they treat tonight’s sold-out, albeit compact crowd to a trip down metal’s memory lane, and they begin with “Buried Dreams”; the opener from 1993’s iconic “Heartwork”. 

The slow brooding intro with the cleanest riff work and percussion is perfect for any set and everybody's soon very much hyped, as Jeff snarls and stamps his authority over tonight's crowd. The melodic solo guitar work is a welcome touch after the absolute hammering from our opener and it elevates everything; things are off to a great start here.
“Kelly’s Meat Emporium” from their 2021 album “Torn Arteries” follows up and proves the band have not lost a step, delivering crushing quality into their later years, and they showcase their longevity. The intensity and aggression are still there and they must be applauded. 

Early noise/thrash EP’s like
“Tools Of The Trade” get a showing with tracks like “Incarnated Solvent Abuse” and it’s got a raw, nostalgic vibe, providing a window into a time where metal, thrash, death and blackened genres were all fresh-faced and confident after branching out, and Carcass were a centrepiece. It’s brash, it’s frenetic, it’s up-tempo and it’s fun, albeit menacing. “Under The Scalpel Blade” fast-forwards to new material and really the only difference in sound is experience by this point. They’ve honed their craft and after such a lengthy career, they’ve purified something putrid. By this time there is a mini mosh-pit on the go, and there’s a young lad wearing a PARTY CANON shirt, riding someone's shoulders, giving it the horns, living his absolute best life. Go on son.  

​There are a few more tracks in this 17-track set, including
“Tomorrow Belong’s To Nobody” from 1996’s “Swansong”, and the blend of old and new works incredibly well. Thrash, alongside its darker sub-genres is either a style you do well, or just come across as a parody, or stale, or frankly laughable. Carcass have the history, the credibility, the quality and the class to rise above all of that. Not as big as the Big 4, and not as bleak as their Nordic peers (You’ll never burn down Liverpool’s church, Anfield security is TIGHT), but if you aren’t already a bald middle-aged metal head, and just discovering darker thrash...I recommend Carcass. Sadly, I can’t watch the whole gig, as I must get a taxi home for the day job...and there are tracks I did miss, but Carcass brought the goods. Whether you appreciate that or not depends on if you are Ed Gein. (I jest, they are vegetarian). A fucking brilliant gig that was. 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/OFFICIALCARCASS
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/CONJURERUK
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Crisis Talks - "Heavy The Heart"

23/5/2023

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I’ve said it before but, when we think about alternative music in South Wales, we automatically go to Cardiff and the valleys feeding the capital, as let's be honest, we’ve been spoiled for choice. From Merthyr Tydfil and THE BLACKOUT, who have just recently reformed ahead of Download, (Their hometown comeback show sold out quicker than you can ask Sean Smith S’appenin? Purely ironically) to Blackwood and the MANIC STREET PREACHERS, down through Pontypridd and the LOSTPROPHETS. Granted that last one is a sheep so black not even the most woke Welshman would associate...but, I digress.  

However, what about Newport?
TJ’s was often cited as one of the best live venues to ever exist in the UK, they’ve given us Diverse Vinyl, the UK’s largest source of new vinyl records, they’ve given us FEEDER, there’s a whole lot of gas left in SKINDRED’s helicopter, and, we can’t be forgetting those comedic rap terrorists GOLDIE LOOKIN’ CHAIN. It’s 2023 now; your mother could very well have that penis. Newport has been overlooked let’s be fair, and today’s band are hoping to grab some attention for Wales’ third largest city. Let me introduce you to CRISIS TALKS. 

The three-piece, consisting of vocalist David Lloyd Chapman, guitarist and peddle wizard Mark William Squire, and drummer James Clement are preparing to release their debut album; “Heavy The Heart”, on June 15th. David got in touch with me recently asking me to attend a launch show, at the Little Taphouse; Newport, but I was sadly double booked. The least I could do however, would be to agree to give the album a listen and a little write up. The question is, will I be having crisis talks with myself after listening to this album? Let’s find out... 
 
We
open up with the track “Dancer”, but truth be told I’m not moving a muscle. OK that’s a little harsh. We’ve got a solid dose of classic, riff-rich hard rock, with some rather funk-laden bass and assertive percussion, leading this admittedly rhythmic track. Vocally here David is interesting as, he finds himself somewhere between Daron Malakian and Benjamin Kowalewicz tonally in places. It’s got a mellow transitional section which keeps things interesting, and ultimately, it’s a decent start. 

Follow up track “Dark Cold War” houses a far grittier, angst-riddled feel, with groove aplenty in the bluesy, hard rock instrumentation and off-kilter, semi-prog inspired delivery. Slicker in production too, despite the slightly stop-start approach vocally, and again we have another similarly placed mellow filler section dividing the track. That intro though, minimal but very effective; catchy simplicity. 

Sticking to the meatier offerings,
we’ve got “Submission”, and we have some light and subtle 90’s grunge aesthetics at play, amidst a back-drop of almost tribal percussion, and some of the albums cleanest, melodic vocal displays. As it progresses, we again find them groove-rich in presentation, so credit to the trio for their consistency. “Undone” has a more vibrant, almost indie-inspired alt.rock vibe to it, and here, especially vocally, it reminds in parts of PLACEBO. This is certainly an album highlight. David, on purpose or not here, has this nasally twang that pays homage to Brian Molko in the sincerest way, it’s actually more entertaining than Placebo’s newest album. It wouldn’t sound out of place on “Sleeping With Ghosts” frankly. 

Speaking of spooks, “Ghosts” champions a far softer, acoustic approach from the three-piece initially, but does descend into flutters of more metallic fret-work, while “Monsters” takes that acoustic influence and channels the likes of JEFF BUCKLEY, which is praise indeed. Not as tortured poetically, not as vulnerable vocally, David isn’t quite that open book, but this is damn close. Finally, then we finish up on “Soundcheck”, and we’ve got ourselves a lovely, sombre guitar ballad, with emotive instrumentation and a legitimately moving guitar solo. 

When I walked into this album, I
didn’t know what to expect. Without wanting to shit on my own doorstep, a lot of the more “local” artists that have come my way haven’t left me truly inspired. Take my recent PENNY RICH review for RIFF YARD MEDIA for example. But, while this album isn’t perfect per se, there’s plenty of character and style here to ensure these succeed live, there’s already that certain raw quality to these tracks, and they are bound to translate well in a live setting.  

The song-writing capability and conception is there artistically,
I just think they need the chance to get out there more, and truly hone their sound, as there is a lot of potential in this trio. The only crisis talks need to be about growth, commitment and dedication, as these three could do well for themselves among the current wave of UK festival regulars. “Heavy The Heart” is an emotional, back to basics rock record with some good ideas and, the only fresher thing coming out of Newport right now, is the heroin. [6] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/CRISISTALKS
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Linkin Park - "Meteora: 20th Anniversary"

23/4/2023

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What is it, about the number two? Coincidence or not, the number two has seemingly had an aura of negativity in several aspects of life. If you come second in a race, you’ve technically just been the best at failing. Kids go through a phase called the “Terrible Two’s”, because most parents want to yeet their own toddlers into a woodchipper when they’re that age. Also, a number two is LITERALLY an expression for taking a shit! So, how does this apply to media? 

Let’s take films for example...a sequel, is very rarely as good as, let alone better than, the original. “Jaws” was the original blockbuster, but repetition, a 3D gimmick, and Michael Caine vs a roaring shark, sank that franchise quicker than I can sink Jack Daniels. “The Exorcist” is a horror masterpiece, one of the greatest movies of all time... “The Exorcist II: The Heretic” however, was merely possessed by bad acting and a plot so piss poor demons prayed to make it stop. The list goes on, as there’s “The Crow”, “The Lost Boys”, “Tremors” …but that’s just film. What about music? 

The “Difficult second album” is typically a recognised phenomenon surrounding sophomore releases, that finds a band or artist either making it, or breaking it. If you’ve managed to strike gold on your debut, you better be ready to back it up, because seldom does lightning strike twice, and styles, trends and popularity wane so consistently and quickly in music, you need to be on the ball. But what if your debut album blew absolutely everything out of the water, not only for that year, but this entire CENTURY to date? We’re of course about to discuss LINKIN PARK. 

When the band dropped “Hybrid Theory” in the October of 2000, it completely re-set the bar for what an alternative rock band could accomplish, as, it went on to go 12x Platinum in the US alone and has shifted over 32 MILLION copies worldwide. Linkin Park were THE hottest band on the planet, and their angst-riddled, intense yet melodic blend of hip-hop and rap, with crunching guitars and scorching vocals, saw the band reach heights many can only dream of. They had a problem on their hands though; how in God’s name would they, or more importantly COULD they, follow this up? Well, damnit they had an answer for that! 2023 marks the 20th anniversary of that seemingly impossible second album, “Meteora” ...let's look back and see how they faired. 

We start off very annoyingly here with “Foreword”, as it’s beyond pointless as a stand-alone track. It’s a 13 SECOND intro of gently pouring rain, and light knocking until you hear glass shatter, transitioning into the next song; “Don’t Stay”. That’s it. You may as well have simply extended “Don’t Stay” by those 13 seconds and absolutely nothing would have changed, because it already blends well, and these decisions just baffle me. Conceptually there are elements in this brief sequence that could allude to say, a glass ceiling, the band breaking through barriers and boundaries to achieve what few have done in recent times, before the actual track kicks in with the slowly built riffs, until it erupts with its nu-metal gloriousness. In some ways it could be seen as a subtle dig at their label, who pushed for more of the same following their debuts success, the headache of contractual obligations, being told who to be, how to sound, while naturally it could easily be about a failed relationship. It screams of wanting to be done with something, someone, wanting to grow, to evolve on your own terms, and it’s a powerful opener. 

Next up then we have the first single to be taken from the album; “Somewhere I Belong” …and if the predecessor had four singles, then “Meteora” had to have five. “Somewhere I Belong” sonically in ways, with some of the music video presentation and structure, felt like, a semi-canonical successor, or follow-up to “In The End”, with Chester’s minimal vocal melodies complimenting Mike’s bars, before a harder hitting chorus line and well utilised heavier elements. Grittier, ample Japanese Gundam influence, following on from "Reanimation", but still very much Linkin Park, and they clearly showed consistency upon this release. Again though, at what cost? Mike spits lines like “Just stuck, hollow and alone, and the fault is my own” …were they victims of their own success, doomed to live in Groundhog Day creatively? 

Speaking of singles, few Linkin Park tracks have been as short, sharp and pummelling as “Faint”, and if any track could highlight pent-up frustration, pain and anguish as well as this, I am yet to hear it. The subtle string elements are piercing as a backdrop to Chester’s aggressive vocals and overall hard-rocking approach, while Mike delivers one his best rap-inspired performances, and it crams a lot into a relatively short track, but to maximum effect. A blistering effort, and it showcased a band truly pissed off. Just hear the venom in Chester’s delivery when he shouts, “I won’t be ignored” and “You’re gonna listen to me like it or not” …that’s a statement and it’s loud and clear; they aren’t fucking about. 

The albums 3
rd single, and arguably the albums best track period, “Numb” was and IS, simply beautiful. It closes the album in a similar vein to “Pushing Me Away” three years prior, with a strong, melodic and emotional piece, without losing any momentum or presence. Iconic for the way it highlights mental health issues, self-awareness and self-confidence, as a recording it’s incredibly powerful, not only as a piece of music, but as an important awakening to many, many young teens. Teens who first heard this, that needed a voice; who needed a way to vent, who were lost in the world and felt like they didn’t belong. We look at this with a sad sense of irony, of course, as Chester is no longer with us himself, but he’s helped more people than he may have realised. 

“From The Inside”
carries with it a similar message; a feeling of being hurt, being let down and learning from it; another fine example of personal and individual growth, over some blistering vocal lines from Chester, with a hefty dose more of both Brad Delson’s and Phoenix’s riffs, and again, this message is superbly hammered home in the music video. The riots and armoured police in a run-down suburb; a visual conflict for an internal struggle between right and wrong; it’s a full release emotionally and again, is quality stuff. 

​Finally, then, in terms of promotional singles (As if Linkin Park needed any
additional promotion by this point), we were treated to ”Breaking The Habit", and this was worth it for the music video alone. Band DJ/programmer Joseph Hahn directed this beautifully stylised anime type video, blending Japanese animation with western steam-punk and dystopian aesthetics. A disturbing central narrative of suicide, and ultimately combating those thoughts takes precedence over the story ark, and again, we’re met with signs we only wish we understood two decades ago. There’s a soaring yet equally soothing climax to the track, and it’s an emotional journey that hits home on a multitude of levels. 
The singles proved that Linkin Park were still at the top of their game, in terms what was expected of them, but this wasn’t a band satisfied with a formula, this was a bad that wanted to push boundaries, and there were early hints of that here, on top of the already dividing hip-hop/rock amalgamation nu-metal as a whole was championing. Over the course of the record, the riffs in places hit harder, Chester pushes himself further to allow more of that vitriol to shine through his vocal delivery, and on tracks like “Nobody’s Listening”, they blend woodwind instrumentation and Native panpipes with Mike’s rapping and, the overall off-kilter presentation of the track highlights the bands desire to experiment. On album two, Linkin Park was already a band that didn’t want to settle or be pigeonholed.  

Ultimately, while
it was always impossible for “Meteora” to have the same impact that “Hybrid Theory” had, I mean you can only make a first impression once, what the band did with their follow up was for all intents and purposes, perfect. While there was pressure to emulate their original success and not stray from a clearly winning formula, Linkin Park went one better by not only continuing the momentum they had, very much releasing a Linkin Park record, they allowed themselves the room to evolve, to experiment and to test the waters with subtle changes and ideas, and it would be beyond evident in future releases, just how creative Linkin Park could and would be, but, in regards to that difficult second album, “Meteora” more than delivered, more than served its purpose, and certainly silenced any critics that may have called Linkin Park a flash in the pan. The band may have wanted to do more at the time, label pressure can be intense; why fix what isn’t broken? Art doesn’t work like that. Sure, there is an established market to tap into to, but wells run dry, and from day one Linkin Park wanted to expand, to try new things and under the pressures they were to deliver, following such a successful debut, a further 17 million album sales say they knocked it out of the park. 

Moving forward, Linkin Park WOULD start experimenting further, be it stylistically or with collaborations such as with JAY-Z and STORMZY down the line, even A Capella releases, but these two albums, at the beginning of their career, cemented them as arguably the biggest band of their generation. In terms of alternative rock and metal, they were easily their generations METALLICA, or THE BEATLES, or QUEEN...they made THAT much of an impact, and we can only be grateful. The messages these tracks carry are poignant in the aftermath of Chester’s suicide, but we will never forget. A true talent, an inspiration, a kind soul and a vocal powerhouse...he was one of a kind and looking back twenty years on a release like “Meteora”, we were privileged. However, we aren’t finished. 

Being a 20
th anniversary release, we are treated to some unreleased gems by the way of demo’s, rejected tracks from the cutting room floor and live snippets, and as a collection, EVERY Linkin Park fan should have these. Newly remastered posthumous single “Lost” sees Chester bring so many happy tears to the eyes of millions, with such a powerfully emotional song. “Fighting Myself” sounds like a “Papercut” or “A Place For My Head” demo, while “More The Victim” deserved to have seen the light of day way before now. 

In the end, if we can ignore the various live tracks, which let’s be honest, are just album filler regardless of the artist, we still have plenty to admire and appreciate here, and as hard as it is, they’ve actually improved on the album that was already a success in the realm of impossibility. Testament and credit to them...the way the industry is moving forward with streaming and downloads, we’re likely never to see this level of genuine commercial success again in alternative rock music, and we have to admire and respect this. Linkin Park are in a league of their own, and listening to these first two albums, I do genuinely feel somewhere I belong. [10] 
WWW.LINKINPARK.COM/METEORA20
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William Control - "Sex Cult"

7/4/2023

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Now, I’m no gambling man; I couldn’t tell a poker-face from a resting bitch face if my life depended on it, but I know unfavourable odds when I see them, and, this review, is certainly not in my favour. I’m either going to go viral, albeit very briefly, and the world will move on (Is that too neurotypical of an assumption?) or I’m going to get cancelled. OK, I’m probably not going to get cancelled because, I’ll write reviews regardless of what you think (If since 2014 you haven’t grasped that by now, I don’t know what to tell you) but this, is a challenge even Geraint Pillock would second guess in his time travelling coracle. We’re going to talk about WILLIAM CONTROL. 

Before we go any further, we have to address the elephant in the room, and as if elephants weren’t noticeable enough, this fucker’s wearing PVC and fishnets. Back in 2018, William, (WiL Francis, formerly of AIDEN) released the “Revelations” album, following on from his run of highly lauded and well-received EP’s, amalgamating the releases into one cohesive compilation, and musically, you couldn’t fault him. He blended a sense of retro synth-driven Goth-pop if you will, with his dark, BDSM-inspired counter-religious lyricism. Then it all went nipples north. 

Many girls and young ladies, fans of William, came forward, with claims and allegations of grooming, sexual abuse, manipulation and rape, from his time on the road. These are not things, that I take lightly, let it be known, and I do not condone this AT ALL. Victims need to speak out, and get justice, I endorse that whole-heartedly. HOWEVER. William, to his own detriment, sat down, and shared very damning, very intimate conversations from social media messenger Apps, from several of the accusers, highlighting not only consensual activities, but almost begging from the parties involved.  

The whole thing got William cancelled for the best part, he lost his wife, access to his child at the time, and he was
very open and honest about his lifestyle, which to very many, would render him an unfaithful, absolute fuckboy. LEGALLY however, there were never any charges brought to him, so despite how uncomfortable those videos were, where he bared his shame, and affairs to the world, technically, in the eyes of the law, he is innocent. A walking red flag perhaps, and in terms of grey areas morally, he’s greyer than that fucking elephant. 
 


This is the point now which I believe that, will
probably get me some heat, as I’m about to do what no alternative UK publication I’m aware of, is willing to do; review William Control’s new album. “Sex Cult” is available on Apple Music and Spotify from April 14th, but here, on GTGC, we have a UK exclusive. Before we press play, remember, wear protection, and the safe word is pineapple...let’s go. 

The album kicks off with “Hell” which is a wonderful place to start! How much worse can things get, right? The track immediately bounces into life with some very, NEW ORDER inspired synth notes and this has a wonderfully 80’s vibe to it. It lyrically very self-reflective, quite literally as he looks himself in the mirror, and speaks of solitude, loneliness and repenting. If you’re going through hell, well, you’re going through hell with me. Facing things head on. Is this, the beginning of a redemption ark for William? Is he acknowledging the past and looking to put it right? 

The title track; “Sex Cult” continues down the route of rich electronica, instrumentally, but this takes on a somewhat darker tone. It’s slower and more focused, like latter day DEPECHE MODE, and here he very openly tackles the topic of conversation, very directly referencing himself as the villain, the scoundrel that was welcomed into bed, as he recalls the intimacy of his dastardly dabbling's. There’s a quick nod to consent in the second verse, with the line  “...only if you’re willing, you recognise the price...”  and as a track, it works fine, though, the female sexual moans at the tracks climax are a little bit excessive to be fair, somewhat spoiling the track, sounding corny. 

Next, we have the first of two early promotional singles, going back two years I
guess to gauge fan reaction and see where he stood among the court of public opinion. “Baptized” brings the tone back up to a more jovial presentation, as the keys sound brighter, livelier, though it has this juxtaposition of warring ideology, blurring the lines between light and dark. “Oh take me down to the riverbanks, and wash away my sins and hate, you can teach me how to celebrate this brand new life in love, oh Lucifer”...it’s suggesting he wants to start afresh, but he’s so accustomed and friendly with the darkness, so comfortable, there’s almost a conflict of interest veiled here, and it’s interesting. 

The second single was “Abuse”, and again here things take a darker turn. Referring to himself as the revenant, dressed well and decadent, there’s a smugness to his character and presentation here, and he doesn’t hold back on detailing his affairs. “Hey there baby I have tallied up the names, and the notch marks, on my withered dirty bed frame...”, and “Now you feel the pain of losing all you had, the bed you made is sad; suicidal...well take this comfort, take my only kind advice, don’t fall in love with me; don’t fuck your idol”. That lyric right there is bound to trigger and upset the vast majority and what’s uncomfortable is that he probably sang that with a wink and a wry smile. Complete and utter shithousery from Control here, and he knows it. Turning real life experience, pain and such into powerful art is one thing, but that line is positively cruel. 

The whole album in some way,
shape or form tackles the entire situation, such as “Allegations”, which in its own way, exudes a sense of false self-pity and crocodile tears, especially if we’re to go by previous highlighted lyrics. Suggesting he’ll pay the price for his bad reputation and villainy, considering he’s back making music after not being charged, I’d say he was doing just fine. Finally, then, we round things up with a cover of “My Way” by FRANK SINATRA, and if this hasn’t been done in the fullest sense of irony, I don’t know what to say. He may as well record himself laughing maniacally into the microphone for 3 minutes. This is beyond tongue-in-cheek, because MARK TREMONTI he is not.  

Ultimately then
, it comes to this; how the fuck do we score this album? Removing the artist from the art, and looking at this album, purely as an album objectively, it’s absolutely fine. If you are fan of 80’s inspired synth-pop, electronica with darker, Gothic-based imagery, this album delivers aplenty, even if the traditional BDSM tropes William throws in conceptually aren’t necessarily your thing, musically, this is a frankly enjoyable record. It flows well, the instrumentation is vibrant and it’s been produced well, resulting in a crisp, clear listen.
 


The issues that come with this album, are to do with William himself, and where you personally stand morally, with whatever integrity you have as an individual. As
stated, there were very many accusations and allegations made against William, and while he may not have been charged, the young women involved aren’t simply going to forget what they believe they experienced, and what they’ve gone through with all of this being very public. His lack of legal conviction doesn’t automatically lessen THEIR conviction in what they claim. This album WILL stir the pot, and if you’re easily offended, knowing what the situation is, you are probably best avoiding this. Neutral? It’s a solid record, that creatively sticks to a proven formula given the success of the EP’s. [7] 

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Flover - "Love's Poetry & Dead Melodies"

13/3/2023

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2023, officially started, with ALL of the bang, and a welcome lack of whimper. (“The exact, polar opposite to the night I lost my virginity to be fair!”, he laughs, as a single tear rolls down his cheek). I digress; we are in-fact talking about everyone’s favourite darkly romantic, albeit positively bleak, modern-day Goth daddy VILLE VALO. The former HIM front man got Heartagram’s breaking on the bands 2017 farewell tour, but, in the years since, through a rollercoaster of feelings and emotions, ranging all the way from equanimity to intrigue and anxiousness, he got them racing once more this January, when he released the sonic defibrillator that is “Neon Noir”.  

Now, the admittedly stunning solo record, was covered quite extensively within the alternative music press as it is, as it charted well around Europe (Including a UK Top 30 slot in the vinyl charts), and with his European tour currently in full swing, we must satiate our rejuvenated musical lusting's, with all things love-metal inspired, and get right back into the thick of it, which brings us to today's band; FLOVER.  

You may remember Flover from my 2020 review of “Songs Of Our Broken Hearts”, from which we played a tongue-in-cheek game of HIM Bingo, as the sweet rockers had zero shame in wearing their Heartagram’s on their sleeves, being influenced by Finland’s finest. 2023 finds the fan boys on fine form, as they release their latest album “Love’s Poetry & Dead Melodies”. Eyes down folks, it’s time for another round, but, in this year of thee and me, are we talking two little ducks, or giving too little fucks? Let’s find out... 

Now before we proceed, the whole HIM-Bingo game itself is FAIRLY loose in terms of rules and such; we’re essentially just looking for similarities and parodies, cheeky nods to other songs if you will. Imitation IS the sincerest form of flattery after all. So, with that in mind, we open up with (According to their Bandcamp at least) “Requiem Of Love”, which is an immediate Bingo-card crossed off, as it references “Love Metal” and the bonus track “Love’s Requiem”. The track starts with some incredibly gentle synths, and houses all of the typically slow-chugging riffs you’d expect from a HIM track. Vocally too it’s an ode to Ville, with the similarities in baritone drawl, soaring moments and hushed subtlety. It’s absolutely fine as a track, and could easily pass as a HIM demo, without implying any negativity. 

Next up we have “Suffering” and this one initially has a brief whiff of “Dark Light” regarding the synth delivery and tone here. Again, it’s only subtle, but HIM fans will easily pick up and appreciate the recognition. It’s got ample chorus melody and transitions, and they even deep dive into Ville’s own tastes as there’s a cheeky nod to “Crazy Train” by OZZY OSBOURNE thrown into the mix occasionally on guitar. “Just Our Autumn” has “Razorblade Romance” levels of production all over it, and it reeks of “Join Me (In Death)” but, let’s be honest, that’s never a bad thing. The throwback nostalgia this induces is sweeter than any number of sixes. 

The fun doesn’t stop there either, folks, as “Wonderland”, or it’s chorus structure at the very least is very unashamedly “Salt In Our Wounds” from “Deep Shadows & Brilliant Highlights”. It’s uncanny by this point, that you could quite easily state that Flover were HIM from an alternate dimension and do you know what? I don’t think anyone would call you a liar. “Dance With Me” then steps it up a gear in terms of grit and attitude, with the guitars oozing hard rock swagger, but, what’s this? This too is familiar? Of course, it is, there are more than enough nods to “Soul On Fire” here in the instrumentation, it’s just not AS aggressive, fast-paced or intense.  

“Agony In Your Eyes” then, tonally finds itself somewhere between “And Love Said No” and the gloomier aspects of 2007’s “Venus Doom”, before we eventually get the abbreviated “L.Y.L.I.C.”, which couldn’t possibly be in reference to “Tears On Tape” and “W.L.S.T.D.” could it? Surely not? An abbreviation of “Love You Like I Can”, it actually serves as a 2-in-1, as we could argue it also references “Love You Like I Do”, especially as it’s a deep rock ballad with a slow tempo and impassioned vocals.  

All in all, if you are reading this, you could easily think, Gav, why are you picking so many holes here? Can’t they just enjoy what they create in honour of something they care so very much about? Well, they absolutely can, and on this, their 3rd full-length album, they haven’t disappointed. Sure, it looks like I’m calling them rip-off merchants with a near copy-and-paste formula that’s bordering on identity theft, but that’s admittedly part of the appeal. As a HIM fan, while it is genuinely appreciated that a band has taken it upon themselves to continue HIM’s niche style and sound, you can’t help but have a chuckle and a bit of banter when some of these things are so blatantly obvious.  

Be it a riff, a lyrical likeness, a melody, a vocal delivery; some of these similarities we’ll say, are plain to see, and with Flover, that’s a key contributing factor of what makes them such an enjoyable listen. I respect what they are, and legitimately recommend checking them out. Not a fan of HIM but just generally enjoy Gothic-tinged melodic rock? Here’s a new band for you to check out. You ARE a HIM fan and still miss HIM, even though VV is currently active? Maybe you couldn’t get tickets for VV’s European tour and need cheering up? Get your fix here, without taking life too seriously. It’s a win/win really. [7]  

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/FLOVERSWEETROCK
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Spice Girls - "Spice World: 25th Anniversary"

21/12/2022

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Nostalgia, as it has been said, is nothing but a seductive liar, but is that statement true? No, we’re not going into a tirade on how Turkey Twizzlers were ruined by dietarily dicty health-conscious folk (I’m looking at you Jamie Oliver), allowing us to only be able to reminisce of those gloriously greasy school dinners, gagging for that dirty meat...*cough*...we are in fact, going to revisit the SPICE GIRLS.
 
Last year saw the 25th anniversary of “Spice”, the debut album from the English five-piece, (Check out that review here) and we not only applauded their immediate impact on both the music industry AND pop culture, but we legitimately lauded them for the phenomenon they became. Yes, they were manufactured, for a purpose, but manufactured none the less, but nobody could truly have ever predicted how gargantuan “Girl Power” would become. That debut album saw them release five hit singles, and they genuinely did have the music industry, no, the entertainment industry, eating out of the palms of their hands.  

The trouble with this, however, is any level of success to that extent, means all that money and marketing will eventually lead to greed and exploitation. Within the space of twelve months, Baby, Scary, Sporty, Posh and the soulless one (Sorry, Ginger) were already promoting their second album; “Spice World”, as well as full motion picture. Could the girls keep up with the demand? Was there enough gas in the tank to keep this machine running? Well, we’re about to find out...  

Opening track and lead single “Spice Up Your Life” starts things off promisingly to be fair. It carried on from their first album in terms of vibrancy and energy, with a very late nineties sense of futurism. The almost neo-utopian aesthetics of the video, with it’s very monotone, darkly depicted feeling of a coerced cityscape uniformity, is jarring in comparison to the message of the song itself. Over a backdrop of samba-esque rhythmic beats, the girls sing of the joys of variety in every aspect of life from colour, gender and culture, and one can only appreciate how together they are given their gimmicked diversity. It’s their mission statement if you will, and they absolutely deliver. 

Given the impact of their debut, we must expect another fine collection of additional singles too, and the album does have its memorable moments. “Too Much” saw them garner their second consecutive Christmas number one, with the doo-wop inspired slow jam, and its string-led brass rich instrumentation. It was a very sultry piece of pop musically, but lyrically, while on face value it speaks of mixed emotions regarding relations, it almost subliminally refers to their own career. Their direction and relationship with label management, and the juxtaposition of them being everywhere, and yet with that fear of fading too quickly in the public’s eyes and hearts. Wanting a man, not a boy who thinks he can, can easily mean stability in more ways than originally thought, and this is fascinating. 

This itself is a theme carried throughout as tracks like “Stop”, which with its Motown inspired delivery channels both an innocence and passive aggressiveness within its message. Yes, on face value we can look at it as the rushing of a serious relationship; wanting to steady your own ship and enjoy your youthful years, but this can also be a subtle dig at their label, management and the industry as a whole. Talking of their own longevity, or its potential at the very least, acknowledging the very craze they are at the heart of. They sound like they want to slow it down, or even call it a day already. 

No strangers to bangers in the form of ballads however, they dropped “Viva Forever” amidst a shit show of controversy, as the track title had a sense of cruel irony in Ginger’s departure from the group. She was still featured in the song, naturally, and in the admittedly surreal stop-motion animated video for the single, but despite topping the charts once more, with their softly sung harmonies over Spanish guitar, providing a truly emotional piece of pop music, the writing was on the wall. Forever in their legacy maybe, and their place on the record books, but, not as a group. Forget “2 Become 1” ...five very quickly became four... 

There was no immediate worry for the girls themselves commercially, the previous albums singles were still heavily circulated and these new tracks, as well as the aforementioned movie, ensured that their place in pop history was nothing short of cemented. Geri leaving grabbed headlines of course, but this wasn’t the end of the Spice Girls, not at all, and even though other album tracks like “Denying” and “Move Over” were underwhelming, highlighting the apparent burn out felt by the girls, what they left behind was a truly breath-taking legacy.  

For a purposely manufactured, hand-picked, hand-crafted pop group, designed solely to go against the grain, and that grain being a male dominated pop group scene, they overachieved by the bucketload. For those couple of years, the Spice Girls ruled the world, and “Girl Power” inspired and influenced not only people in music like CHARLI XCX and BEYONCE, but generations of girls around the globe to be their true selves. You can’t not respect these ladies, and they belong in the same conversation as ABBA in terms of importance in pop music. Their career as a five piece may have been a flash in the pan, but their name and brand will live on forever.  

Some people will look back and cringe, some with rose tinted glasses, some forget outright, but, we have to admire and acknowledge that, Scary, Baby, Ginger, Posh and yes, Sporty, were your lot...they were the Spice Girls, ready to go, ladies and gents, can we drop the pretence and, admit that we enjoyed their show? [6] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/SPICEGIRLS
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Lordi - "Lordiversity" Box-Set

8/10/2022

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It’s weird, right? We’re at the arse end of 2022, and Covid still crops up in the conversation regarding bands plans and ideas. Typically, you’d find that bands were a bit lost, because tours were cancelled, so they’d push some extra exclusive merch to compensate, or …they’d work on a cheeky EP to tide fans over, or even just jump straight into writing their next album. But oh no, not LORDI...

The Finnish Eurovision favourites decided fuck it; following 2020’s “Killection”, they weren’t going to get to work on the next album, or even a double-album, no, that’s too uninspired; unoriginal and quite frankly boring. The band decided to work on a concept BOX-SET, of SEVEN consecutive new and original albums,  between 2021-2022 under the banner of “Lordiversity”.  

A modern, retroactive time-capsule, it spans multiple genres, eras and sounds, spanning decades, covering the growth and evolution in fashionable rock ’n’ roll, but with that beastly, Lordi twist. The question is; can a bunch of pantomime shock rockers pull off such a feat? Let’s find out, as we plough through these 78 tracks, wishing they could have settled for an EP... 

The series starts off with “Skelectric Dinosaur” and we find ourselves back in the late 1970’s, where rock music was at that initial turning point. That transition between the more innocent, formative rock ‘n’ roll, swing and more blues influenced styles, to what we now refer to separately as classic rock.  It opens up with “SCG Minus 7: The Arrival” and with its church organs, haunting wails and children's giggles, telling you that “Monsters are coming” …it’s quite the creepy introduction. This however leads us into disappointment, as we’re greeted with first track proper; “Day Off Of The Devil”.  

Musically absolutely fine for the style they are going for, imagine, KANSAS, or, ALICE COOPER or even BLUE OYSTER CULT, they’ve nailed that classic guitar tone and recording quality, credit to them, and it’s a decent, chilled out rock track, however the intro promised something a lot more sinister. The question is, how DOES the devil spend his days off? Is he there with a bowl of Coco Pops, sat on the couch in his pyjamas watching Disney+ on a Saturday morning? Who knows.... who cares...not me.  

“Starsign Spitfire” has a very slow, plodding pace to it, while it does have some decent backing vocal harmonies elevating the chorus. “The Tragedy Of Annie Mae” has a very DEEP PURPLE-esque bass-line fuelling the track and it rumbles along nicely. We do eventually finish album one off with “...And Beyond The Isle Was Mary”, and we get a quaint, piano-filled piece with rainy sound effects, resulting in a gentle closing number.  They nailed the sound of the era and have delivered well here overall; it’s not a bad start. 

Next up we have the album “Superflytrap” and we transition rather quickly from the origins of rock and early metal, into the bright lights of the discotheque. The intro piece, “SCG Minus 6: Delightful Pop-Ins" is totes cringe babes, with the porn parody content. Some bimbo taking in the pizza guy, and the pool guy, like some seedy classic blue-movie plot-segue, until the monster breaks in and there’s screaming and terror, and it’s all a bit shit. I pray Asylum don’t read this; their movies are bad enough as it is... 

The actual opening tracks “Macho Freak” and “Believe Me” are a bit better. It’s not always easy to recreate that nostalgic disco/club vibe musically with it coming out authentic, but credit to a band like Lordi, they’ve managed it. The funk-fuelled synths, alongside the twangy guitars, in this day and age remind me of DEREK BISHOP if you’re interested in modern disco, and to be fair, the band, despite their appearance, don’t sound cheesy doing this. “Bella From Hell” capitalises on some genuinely soulful backing vocals, while “Cast Out From Heaven” tries to be a genuine ballad, and, let's be honest, the vocals do NOT suit this approach. This is too jarring.  

Where do we go from here?  Album number three; “The Masterbeast From The Moon”, and we enter prog-rock territory. Inspired by the likes of PINK FLOYD etc, it’s a more ambitious piece but do a band like Lordi have the ability to pull this off? Let’s get one thing straight here, no... the answer is no. “Moonbeast” utilises an almost GHOST-like character instrumentally but that’s genuinely as good as it gets. The praise ends here. “Hurricane Of The Slain” highlights this point as, the piano rich, orchestrally led strings of the track are gorgeous, but the clash with the gruff vocals absolutely ruins things. It’s all well and good trying new things musically, but when the vocals are so often stagnant, it has a detrimental effect on the entire project. “Church Of The Succubus” at over 11 minutes fits better in the whole prog-rock aesthetic, but even that can’t save this record.  

What do we have next? “Abusement Park”, and I can’t lie to you, I do love a play on words; this title tickles me. It reminds me of JOHNNY KNOXVILLE in the film “Action Point”, but I digress. The title track absolutely reeks of classic heavy metal with the pacing, the key transitions, the style of percussion, it’s got a semi-MOTORHEAD vibe to it as well as the likes of W.A.S.P., almost power-metal in places, and it’s very up-tempo and energetic. It can be a bit cheesy with some incredibly cliched names like “Ghost Train” and “Rollercoaster”, but it’s to be expected. “Carousel” has some wonderfully emotive, smooth, sensual guitar playing that reek of the 80’s, while “Pinball Machine” harbours this strong AC/DC, or, JUDAS PRIEST level of vocal screeching.  

“Nasty, Wild & Naughty” harbours all of that overdone rock ’n’ roll sleaze lyrically, despite being a catchy piece of rock with all of the cowbell, before “Merry Blah Blah Blah” comes out of the blue as a Christmas single. The bells and choirs are there, the Santa references are there... but do you know what is also there? Me, making Ebeneezer Scrooge feel uncomfortable with my lack of festive spirit. Pull a cracker, the joke will be this song, I promise. I mean, WHY?! 

Next up we have “Humanimals” and we’ve reached our more, BON JOVI and AOR inspired tracks, and it shows. Opening track proper “Borderline” has a real, I guess, bon-jovial vibe to it (I’m sorry) with its light, up-beat synths and almost hushed percussion. The chorus houses some smoother gang vocals and its honestly quite the pleasant little track instrumentally. “Victims Of The Romance” utilises a more guitar driven approach in comparison but it reeks of that, all-too parodied hair-metal era. If you choose to picture Lordi with mullets in spandex, well, that challenging wank is on YOU my friend. “The Bullet Bites Back” stands out with its genuinely sleek guitar tones, and especially it’s solo, before we revisit “Like A Bee To The Honey”. A decent piece (Written by KISS) but, two years old, and practically becoming filler at this point.  

Our penultimate album, “Abracadaver” leans further into the emergence of what we now fondly refer to as modern metal, with that transitional period, from the mid to late 1980’s into the 1990’s. Ignoring the now tedious intro bit, we dive into “Devilium”, and we’re met with a bombardment of riffs, old-school thrash metal aesthetics and vocals that could make onions cry. The title-track isn’t much better truth be told. You CAN hear “Big-4” elements but the track does eventually descend into utter fret-wankery. “Beast Of Both Worlds” is arguably as good as it gets on this one, with it’s very SLAYER-esque chugging riff-work and rhythmic snarls. Done well enough but, beyond dated. 

Finally, then, and oh how glad I am knowing this (Excited for this one? Hell no, I’m just glad this is over with), we round things up with “Spooky Sextravaganza Spectacular” and that name alone reeks of ROB ZOMBIE. “Demon Supreme” utilises darker synths and a semi-industrial aesthetic to give the ol' Dragula a right good rear ending. It’s a touch repetitive but it’s got an energy to it and reminds me of POWERMAN 5000 in ways. “Lizzard Of Oz” houses more chugging riffs, with a strong electronic core sound, something which a more industrial metal unit might partake-in.  

“Skull And Bones (The Danger Zone)” repeats this seemingly Rob Zombie inspired instrumental direction, with it sounding aesthetically very similar. “Shake The Baby Silent” is top quality parenting advice it has to be said, Mr. Lordi collecting his dad of the year award over here, well done. Skip the bottle feed, jump straight to infanticide. It took seven albums but we do actually get our first actual stand-out highlight in the form of “Terror Extra-Terrestrial”. The intro spoils it a little bit, with its E.T parody segue, but we get a frankly quirky piece of synth-driven hard rock, and it’s honestly rather catchy. We ultimately finish up very ironically however, with the track “Anticlimax”...and I’m not even going to make any jokes here, the audio speaks for itself. After seven albums, completing this seventy-eight-track endurance test has to be rewarded in some aspect surely? Not in the slightest. 

Lordi tried something different here; they have to applauded for their creative ambition, that’s without question. What DOES need to be questioned though, is why the hell they couldn’t do seven concept EP’s instead of seven full bloody albums? They could have very easily cherry-picked specific highlights, and made a far more digestible, and more importantly, enjoyable listening experience. Seventy-eight tracks, allows for far, far too much filler, and truth be told, fodder. They managed to occasionally hit certain spots musically, and instrumentally to diversify these albums into their genre’s, which is the entire point OF “Lordiversity” as a concept, but vocally they just aren’t capable of really delivering; it’s very one-dimensional for the most part, and that grates over time.

In summary... Monstrous? Check. Mediocre? Also check. If concept albums are your thing, love anthologies and collecting box-sets, or simply are a die-hard Lordi fan, you'll likely enjoy this for what it is. If you specifically like a certain style or genre, feel free to sift through your own preferences accordingly, you MIGHT get something out of it, but, as a complete package, this is at a level of grandiosity Lordi really shouldn't be dabbling in. For me? This review is finally over...give me a hard rock hallelujah!
[4]
WWW.LORDI.FI
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Blind Channel - "Lifestyles Of The Sick & Dangerous"

19/9/2022

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As I’ve stated in the past, Finland feels like, from a musical standpoint at least; an adopted home. So many of my favourite artists have come from the Wintery lake-lands of Suomi, and I love their penchant for blending the sweetest melodies with the sourest melancholy, and I just vibe it. 

This in turn, fuels a certain sense of bias, as when it comes to another love of mine; the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST...I tend to make a B-Line for Finland’s entries instead of supporting the UK, and I’m rarely disappointed. Whether we’re enjoying the over-the-top ridiculousness of LORDI, and their monstrously charismatic stage presence. The up-tempo dance-along qualities of pop-starlet SAARA AALTO, and this year, THE RASMUS hit us with another vibrant dose of light alternative emo courtesy of their new track “Jezebel”. This brings us to today’s artist; BLIND CHANNEL. 

Blind Channel represented Finland at the 2021 ESC and, it’s the first competition I’d missed in years, because I had double booked myself in Manchester for a socially distanced gig. Disgraceful behaviour I know! Their song “Dark Side”, which effortlessly blended anthemic gang vocals, subtle nu-metal throwbacks and hip-hop aesthetics finished an incredibly respectable 6th in the grand final and the lads found themselves a global audience. 2022 finds the Finns capitalising on this with their brand-new album, and having just rounded up a run of UK tour dates, let’s remind ourselves why they live the “Lifestyles Of The Sick & Dangerous” … 

The album opens up with “Opinions”, and just like arse holes, everyone’s got one, I just tend to write mine here, regardless of if you agree! I digress. It initially starts as a sort of cold, icy-synth led trap-beat with their more rap-infused vocal delivery, but they switch between more hip-hop stylistics and more aggressive flows while performing, keeping it fresh.  
The chorus is soft and melodic and overall, as an opener, it would easily appease fans of HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD. Conceptually it’s about living life to your own rhythm, without caring for what anyone else believes, or thinks, march to the beat of your own drum, and that philosophy has done them well to their credit. 

Next up we have the aforementioned ESC track “Dark Side” and, while over a year old now, those nu-metal qualities simply shine. It references the outcasts of life, of society, referencing the album title and things such as the infamous 27-club, hinting at a sense of unpredictability in life; a certain rebelliousness and defiance in the face of the norm and it’s like a rallying cry. Wonderful stuff. 

To be fair, the album contains its fair share of absolute bops despite its mere half an hour run time, so it’s nice to see the lads opting for quality over quantity. The single “Bad Idea” shows the band have a tender side to counter their hip-hop-inspired abrasiveness, with more focus on hushed vocal styles, and a softer, mellower instrumental approach, and it works really well; look at the Blindstreet Boys by here mun! “We Are No Saints” again utilises gang-vocals and light synths, but it becomes this incredibly bold, semi-metalcore banger, with some soaring hooks and some good old-fashioned chuggy riffs.  

“Don’t Fix Me” and closing track “Thank You For The Pain” utilise strong pop-punk aesthetics for a real burst of up-beat energy, especially the former, though while the latter is equally fun, with some quirky lyrical jabs, it’s let down only by its own ending. It might mean something to the lads, but, ending the album on spoken word ramblings, especially in a language you are yet to understand, it sort of takes away from the overall listening experience.  

That end segment is pretty much as bad as it gets truth be told. Sure “National Heroes” as an interlude has its place as it segues into a track, following a narrative, but it doesn’t need to be a track of its own...and “Autopsy” is arguably the weakest track on the record here, for its overall lack of life...which is fitting I suppose. Conceptually however it does fit in very well with the album's themes of integrity and self-respect, self-worth and it can’t really be knocked. 

Ultimately, what we have here, is an energetic, confident and acclaimed group of young rockers from Finland, who won the hearts and ears of millions during a mainstream televised song contest, with a rebellious attitude, a mature sense of defiance in the face of industry big-wigs, and the ability to go and actually do it. With those middle fingers up, they stand proud, and while the music itself might not be original, it’s as full of heart as it is hooks, and that goes a long way. The future is bright for Blind Channel...I just hope they don’t lose sight of what they are capable of. [8]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/BLINDCHANNELBAND
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Grant Macdonald - "Ram Ranch"

7/8/2022

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Allow me to preface the following review, with an outpouring of regret, grief, more regret, bewilderment and, a little bit more regret, through a literary veil of self-therapy. There was absolutely zero reason, obligating me to conduct the following review, but, at the same time, there was absolutely EVERY reason that I couldn’t NOT do this review. This is the review equivalent of Hogan v Warrior at WrestleMania VI, but with more baby oil...let me set the stage. 

You know by now that, while I am perfectly capable of writing a decent, or at the very least, serious review, whether here or over on ALL ABOUT THE ROCK, I get my kicks out of the more, unusual and questionable releases available to me. I can point my finger at the likes of, KIM PETRAS, or, going back to COREY FELDMAN; I like a challenge, but this is the sort of thing that can break a man. This can Brokeback Mountain the fuck out of a man...this is “Ram Ranch” by GRANT MACDONALD, and I blame young Charlie Bryant for this 1 hour and 7 minutes of audio torture. Even the inmates at Guantanamo Bay would feel sorry for me here, but, fuck it...saddle up, we’re going in (Dry)… 

Firstly, who IS Grant Macdonald? Little is known about this alleged Canadian, other than that he might be Canadian, and his name might be Grant Macdonald...he’s like the BANKSY of homoerotic cowboy rock. The album we’re tackling today originally came out in 2012, so, aside from being a rare case of retrospective reviewing from me, we’ve had a decade to process, and at times, begrudgingly accept “Ram Ranch”. It’s been used as pro-LGBTQ+ content in protests and rallies, and over its existence it became a running meme and an ongoing source of absurdity. To this day Grant has apparently released SIX HUNDRED variants of “Ram Ranch”, which is frankly both impressive and alarming. Dude has a passion, what can I say? With that said, the only way is down, as we process this piece of... art? 

The album opens up with the title track, and, we initially have a dose of rather subdued heavy metal instrumentation, with all of the riffs, licks and kick drums. I say subdued because it’s practically background noise. On a production level, it’s like a demo in terms of audio quality, but the capability is there, that in itself is promising...but it’s the vocal content that draws attention here.
 


Allow me to set the tone lyrically; “18 naked cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch, big hard throbbing cocks wanting to be sucked, 18 naked cowboys wanting to be fucked? Cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch on their knees wanting to suck cowboy cocks; Ram Ranch really rocks!”. This is the primary content of the track from start to finish, and it’s the absurdity of this that, at first, makes it mildly amusing and, quite distressing simultaneously. The worst bit? The spoken-word over metal sounds like, CHILLS, arguably THE WORST YouTube narrator in the history of the internet, got a record deal. The repetition and looping of track one IS painful, sure, but we have 11 tracks left. Even my Jack Daniel’s needs a Jack Daniel’s... 
 
Second track “Plowboy” has such a reverberated overlay of vocal samples, it becomes an absolute trippy mess from the moment it starts, with some, moog-esque synths, setting the tone for some almost 70’s porn rock sleaze. It’s the kind of thing to make your eye twitch, which one all depends on you and your tastes, I’m not here to discriminate. 

Next up we have, “Cowboys Fucking Cowboys” and, you remember when KID ROCK was like, “I wanna’ be a Cowboy baby!”? Yeah, we’re going to shatter his dreams right now. The gentle acoustics here could easily, EASILY be used for a more serious, affectionate country ballad, but there’s so much lyrical cowboy fucking here, riding butthole’s deep...it’s like...you know when ROGER ALAN WADE did “If You’re Gonna’ Be Dumb” for JACKASS, but instead of a montage of stunts, it was gay porn...that about sums it up. 
 
“Prince Harry” returns abruptly to that riff-heavy metal musicality, and it’s a wonder how the ever-loving fuck he got away with this one. I don’t know if this would be art, slander, or character assassination, but telling him to ride those big hard ram ranch cowboy cocks, bouncy, bouncy up and down, up and down, drink that cum, ram another cock up your royal bum? I don’t even know where the line is legally with this. I think of Harry now, in 2022, but this was ten years ago, ok Harry was still 28 at the time, but Christ. This is worse than that time he wore that Nazi costume to a party and made the front page. Who would have thought THAT could be topped? 

Next up, I feel personally attacked, as we have “Suck That Cock Gavin”, and, no. Firstly I’m not even joking, that’s that track name! I’m barely here to listen to the album, I’m certainly not signing up for that. I recently reviewed VR SEX and not even they were that immersive, calm the fuck down Grant! Or at least buy me dinner first!? I’ll take the salad, hold the ram ranch dressing please... 

“Big Hard Cowboy Cock” sounds like, generic mid 90’s WCW music, excluding the lyrics, obviously, Ted Turner wouldn’t tolerate that. Imagine like, the Nitro Girls were gay cheerleaders? Disco Inferno and Alex Wright would have much better careers. ” Hard Horsecock” implies that we’re entering the world of bestiality here now, and I don’t even know what I can get away with. We’ve all heard the phrase ‘hung like a horse’, but this is sung like a cunt. “12 Inch Cock” has industrialised metal elements but it’s more like, queer factory than FEAR FACTORY, while “Stable Boy” houses a more urbanised gangsta-rap / hip-hop aesthetic, but it drops more soap than it does bars. 

Ultimately, whoever Grant Macdonald is...he’s committed. Or at least he should be. Credit to him, I can barely think of the words to sum this up. Not since AC/DC has an artist produced so much content with so little substance. Sure, he’s able to mix it up musically, utilising rock and metal, country and Americana, as well as hip-hop, so he’s technically actually better than AC/DC, but lyrically and vocally, I’m assuming it’s something you have to be in-on, or, ‘get’.

Ideal for reaction videos, or making friends and family question you when they hear you play it on Spotify, but, at over an hour long, it’s not a fun album in the slightest, and once the initial shock wears off, and you’ve done the whole “Wtf?” head shake, it very quickly becomes monotonous and boring. Let’s be honest, there’s only so much hard throbbing cowboy cock you can take, y’know? No? Ok then... [0]

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VR Sex - "Rough Dimensions"

17/7/2022

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Let’s talk about abbreviations... basically a shortened form of a word, phrase, or even branding... like, AEW, which is All Elite Wrestling... S&M which is the kind of fun, kinky shit I’m not going to share with you HERE, this aint Only Fans! (I say this winking at you, watching you recoil in confused arousal), and we can’t forget LGBTQ+, which, is just cheating at Scrabble, let’s be honest.  

This segue brings us to VR; virtual reality... and, I’m going to have to set the scene here using DEMOLITION MAN of all things. Do you remember that bit where, Sylvester Stallone and Sandra Bullock partake in that brief bout of, futuristic head-set sexy sex? It was like being off your tits on Viagra and mushrooms with absolutely none of the nutritional value. I don’t know what confused him more, this or the seashells? I digress...this IS fitting however, as today we’ll be taking a look at VR SEX... 

Comprised of Noel
Skum, Z. Oro and Mico Frost, who, aside from sounding like the contents of a BTEC Kellog’s variety pack, are an acid-punk / death-rock / ethereally ambient ensemble, who released their newest album this year entitled “Rough Dimensions”. The question is, if Y4dyz =
√(60/4) x yz/r² x (1/4𝜋) ½ , what the FUCK is THIS album going to sound like? There’s only one way to find out... 

The album opens up with “Victim Or Vixen” and it starts with this, almost, 1970’s era, grainy synth instrumentation, that you might find in the theme of a children's TV show. That however soon descends into something between KILLING JOKE and JOY DIVISION instrumentally. It’s got a somewhat smooth post-punk aesthetic, with a lack of vocal range, practically spoken word for the most part, yet manages to bridge that with an indie/grunge vibe. It ends on an enjoyably melodic note, ultimately starting things off in an interesting manner with a variety of influences. 

We quickly transition then into album highlight “Glutton For Love”, which utilizes all of the above points while delivering the hooks; the synths here make this song, and it’s got an incredibly up-beat chorus instrumentally. There’s a sense of frustration here vocally at times that harks back to the likes of THE CURE, and it lavishes in its more pop-based production because of it.  
Further notable points include “Live In A Dream”, which starts off reminding me of a BLOODHOUND GANG track (Think “Along Comes Mary”), which is a mixed bag of tricks...however combining bits of bass-rich post-punk with a more indie-rock aesthetic, the verses here reek of the SLEAFORD MODS. It’s got charm to it, and it’s a grower to be fair, but the near-spoken word delivery again can be understandably off-putting. “Walk Of Fame” in turn channels the likes of RADIOHEAD, with its slowly plucked, frankly crestfallen sense of vulnerable accountability, and that itself heaps on about as much praise as I can possibly muster... 

The rest of the album then which, retains that sense of overall melancholic misery, plateaus, into this generally uninspired mediocrity. “Cyber Crimes” as an interlude is absolutely pointless... at just over half a minute of electronic distortion, it sounds like a late 90’s AOL internet Dial-Up connection having a stroke. “End Vision” starts off promisingly with some up-beat, catchy percussion and does maintain an up-tempo rhythm, but is let down by the stagnant vocal delivery. At least for half the track...the last half plods itself over the finish line with the laziest of riffs that, loop so lethargically...it’s like that cut off point where you can hear them running out of ideas. 

VR SEX, I guess, on first listen, are a bit like losing your actual virginity. On paper it’s a wonderous thing; you go into it head-on full of excitement without the foggiest idea what you’re doing, fumble your way through until you finish, a bit sloppily, thinking...oh? “Rough Dimensions” here has its ideas, as do the band in general, but just like Stallone wearing that head-set, you can’t help but wish it was just some, back-to-basics post-punk, or in his case, post-spunk. An average album by an average band with a quirky name...now if you’ll excuse me, taking off MY headset, the curtains have been open this whole time, and, the bacon just pulled up...at least the band can thank me for some decent exposure? No? (Laughing for the last time as a free man) *KNOCK KNOCK* “Open up! It’s The Police!”...fuck... [4] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/VRSEXBAND
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GWAR - "The New Dark Ages"

18/6/2022

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The last time we heard from GWAR, the intergalactic horde of phallic, barbaric and comically grotesque humanoids, were celebrating the 30th anniversary, of their breakthrough record “Scumdogs Of The Universe”. (Check out the All About The Rock website here for that review) ...

Now, on paper, this seemed like a wonderful idea, as their unique brand of punk-infused hard rock, and gory, splatter-house stage theatrics means a GWAR show can’t go wrong, right? Sadly, not so much. We have to factor in a few key things like, not a sole original founding member continues to play for the band, (Iconic front-man Oderus, portrayed by Dave Brockie, being quite dead is quite note-worthy)... couple this with the fact that, they played their anniversary show to nobody, in the middle of a pandemic, in an empty room over the internet. It was underwhelming at best, and really didn’t do them justice. 

Here, in 2022, with their first new original material since 2017’s “Blood Of The Gods”, GWAR are back with “The New Dark Ages” ...a concept album that accompanies a new graphic novel entitled “GWAR In The Duoverse Of Absurdity”, which finds the band sucked off (You read that right) into an alternate universe, to battle their evil twins. Or, something. Knowing them, they’ll take the term graphic novel far too literally! With that said, let’s enter a new dark age as we hit the play button... 

The album starts off worryingly slowly with the title-track, but I guess it’s doing a job here, setting a tone for the album's narrative as a whole. It’s got a low drone underlying some minimal church bells, before slow, ominous guitar notes and it can be said, that it sounds like it could come from some folkish medieval horror movie. It’s plodding for the most part, quite uninspired, aside from a random autotune vocal fill that comes out of the blue, but it's really quite straightforward.  

Somehow, follow-up track “Blood Libel” manages to sound even more basic, almost lazy. There ARE stoner, sludgy elements sprinkled throughout the track, subtly faint djent qualities, but the riffs and overall instrumentation here are so sporadically delivered in terms of its tempo and structure, it’s like it struggles to find its own momentum. Lyrically? We’ve got 3am orgies, cheese pizza and catholic church baby raping rings all in the space of one verse, I mean, OK? Have they been reading this blog? Did I just self-incriminate? I confess...I like cheese pizza...*cough* 

Gwar are meant to be an energetic, arguably psychotic band of reprobates, with punk-infused stylistics and an eye for social satire, so there must be some fun to be had here somewhere? Luckily the singles have been half-decent. “Mother Fucking Liar” takes things up a slight notch with some decent, groove-laden riff-work. Story-wise, “Berserker Mode” tells of vocalist Blothar rediscovering terrifying old powers to a backdrop of up-tempo, old-school thrashy metal, providing one of the albums earlier highlights. 

“Completely Fucked” has got some frenetic vocal delivery surrounding the chorus, as well as some classic guitar wailing, yet manages to sound quite jovial towards its climax, while “Venom Of The Platypus” utilises an unexpected electronic intro, immediately catching your ear. It has to be said though, only a band as utterly bizarre as Gwar, would sing about a platypus...talk about a fitting spirit animal! It’s a mammal, with a beak, a venom gland on its...feet? Oh, and it lays eggs? God was fucking high again smoking them acacia bushes when he made that one, wasn’t he? 

This is even before we come to “Ratcatcher”. Easily the albums most accessible, arguably catchiest track, it’s got soft rock hooks aplenty in the chorus, despite the lyrical content of children trapped in his basement. It’s a bit stop start with the riff work, and there’s plenty of cowbell, but generally speaking it’s a good foot-tapper of a track; enjoyable enough in its simplicity, but not astounding. It’s something that TURBONEGRO fans may appreciate, it gives off that vibe.  

The rest of the album, over its 15-track run time, does drag a little sadly. “Bored To Death” being so late in the album is ironic as, that’s pretty much how I feel by this point in the grand scheme of things...yet more generic metal. Closing track then “Deus Ex Monstrum” is nothing more than a kick in the bollocks quite frankly. At over ten minutes long, it’s an instrumental that takes forever to get to what sounds like computer glitching, like, it’s meant to represent them traversing between these universes, but in actuality, it reeks of pointlessness.  

For the most part, if you like your metal very run of the mill, and will just happily head-bang your day away with a can of warm Red Stripe, you crack on, you probably don’t even care who this review is about do you? Truthfully, maybe reading the graphic novel will help these tracks mean more, and it’s better off as a packaged concept from a creative standpoint, but as a stand-alone album, this is less GWAR, and more Gwhy? The metal genre wasn’t around in the 1300’s but, this album at times feels just as antiquated, ya’ bunch of musical, alien ronyon’s! [4] 
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WWW.GWAR.NET
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/GWAR
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    Gavin J Griffiths, a.k.a GavTheGothicChav, lover of new music and supporter of bands. Inspired by a mixture of horror and comedy, and fueled by a blend of alcohol and sarcasm...if you're a singer / in a band and would like a review written up, please do get in touch via the email address at the top of the page and I'll get back to you ASAP. Much love x

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