I’ve said it before but, when we think about alternative music in South Wales, we automatically go to Cardiff and the valleys feeding the capital, as let's be honest, we’ve been spoiled for choice. From Merthyr Tydfil and THE BLACKOUT, who have just recently reformed ahead of Download, (Their hometown comeback show sold out quicker than you can ask Sean Smith S’appenin? Purely ironically) to Blackwood and the MANIC STREET PREACHERS, down through Pontypridd and the LOSTPROPHETS. Granted that last one is a sheep so black not even the most woke Welshman would associate...but, I digress.  

However, what about Newport? TJ’s was often cited as one of the best live venues to ever exist in the UK, they’ve given us Diverse Vinyl, the UK’s largest source of new vinyl records, they’ve given us FEEDER, there’s a whole lot of gas left in SKINDRED’s helicopter, and, we can’t be forgetting those comedic rap terrorists GOLDIE LOOKIN’ CHAIN. It’s 2023 now; your mother could very well have that penis. Newport has been overlooked let’s be fair, and today’s band are hoping to grab some attention for Wales’ third largest city. Let me introduce you to CRISIS TALKS. 

The three-piece, consisting of vocalist David Lloyd Chapman, guitarist and peddle wizard Mark William Squire, and drummer James Clement are preparing to release their debut album; “Heavy The Heart”, on June 15th. David got in touch with me recently asking me to attend a launch show, at the Little Taphouse; Newport, but I was sadly double booked. The least I could do however, would be to agree to give the album a listen and a little write up. The question is, will I be having crisis talks with myself after listening to this album? Let’s find out... 
 
We open up with the track “Dancer”, but truth be told I’m not moving a muscle. OK that’s a little harsh. We’ve got a solid dose of classic, riff-rich hard rock, with some rather funk-laden bass and assertive percussion, leading this admittedly rhythmic track. Vocally here David is interesting as, he finds himself somewhere between Daron Malakian and Benjamin Kowalewicz tonally in places. It’s got a mellow transitional section which keeps things interesting, and ultimately, it’s a decent start. 

Follow up track “Dark Cold War” houses a far grittier, angst-riddled feel, with groove aplenty in the bluesy, hard rock instrumentation and off-kilter, semi-prog inspired delivery. Slicker in production too, despite the slightly stop-start approach vocally, and again we have another similarly placed mellow filler section dividing the track. That intro though, minimal but very effective; catchy simplicity. 

Sticking to the meatier offerings, we’ve got “Submission”, and we have some light and subtle 90’s grunge aesthetics at play, amidst a back-drop of almost tribal percussion, and some of the albums cleanest, melodic vocal displays. As it progresses, we again find them groove-rich in presentation, so credit to the trio for their consistency. “Undone” has a more vibrant, almost indie-inspired alt.rock vibe to it, and here, especially vocally, it reminds in parts of PLACEBO. This is certainly an album highlight. David, on purpose or not here, has this nasally twang that pays homage to Brian Molko in the sincerest way, it’s actually more entertaining than Placebo’s newest album. It wouldn’t sound out of place on “Sleeping With Ghosts” frankly. 

Speaking of spooks, “Ghosts” champions a far softer, acoustic approach from the three-piece initially, but does descend into flutters of more metallic fret-work, while “Monsters” takes that acoustic influence and channels the likes of JEFF BUCKLEY, which is praise indeed. Not as tortured poetically, not as vulnerable vocally, David isn’t quite that open book, but this is damn close. Finally, then we finish up on “Soundcheck”, and we’ve got ourselves a lovely, sombre guitar ballad, with emotive instrumentation and a legitimately moving guitar solo. 

When I walked into this album, I didn’t know what to expect. Without wanting to shit on my own doorstep, a lot of the more “local” artists that have come my way haven’t left me truly inspired. Take my recent PENNY RICH review for RIFF YARD MEDIA for example. But, while this album isn’t perfect per se, there’s plenty of character and style here to ensure these succeed live, there’s already that certain raw quality to these tracks, and they are bound to translate well in a live setting.  

The song-writing capability and conception is there artistically, I just think they need the chance to get out there more, and truly hone their sound, as there is a lot of potential in this trio. The only crisis talks need to be about growth, commitment and dedication, as these three could do well for themselves among the current wave of UK festival regulars. “Heavy The Heart” is an emotional, back to basics rock record with some good ideas and, the only fresher thing coming out of Newport right now, is the heroin. [6] 

What is it, about the number two? Coincidence or not, the number two has seemingly had an aura of negativity in several aspects of life. If you come second in a race, you’ve technically just been the best at failing. Kids go through a phase called the “Terrible Two’s”, because most parents want to yeet their own toddlers into a woodchipper when they’re that age. Also, a number two is LITERALLY an expression for taking a shit! So, how does this apply to media? 

Let’s take films for example...a sequel, is very rarely as good as, let alone better than, the original. “Jaws” was the original blockbuster, but repetition, a 3D gimmick, and Michael Caine vs a roaring shark, sank that franchise quicker than I can sink Jack Daniels. “The Exorcist” is a horror masterpiece, one of the greatest movies of all time... “The Exorcist II: The Heretic” however, was merely possessed by bad acting and a plot so piss poor demons prayed to make it stop. The list goes on, as there’s “The Crow”, “The Lost Boys”, “Tremors” …but that’s just film. What about music? 

The “Difficult second album” is typically a recognised phenomenon surrounding sophomore releases, that finds a band or artist either making it, or breaking it. If you’ve managed to strike gold on your debut, you better be ready to back it up, because seldom does lightning strike twice, and styles, trends and popularity wane so consistently and quickly in music, you need to be on the ball. But what if your debut album blew absolutely everything out of the water, not only for that year, but this entire CENTURY to date? We’re of course about to discuss LINKIN PARK. 

When the band dropped “Hybrid Theory” in the October of 2000, it completely re-set the bar for what an alternative rock band could accomplish, as, it went on to go 12x Platinum in the US alone and has shifted over 32 MILLION copies worldwide. Linkin Park were THE hottest band on the planet, and their angst-riddled, intense yet melodic blend of hip-hop and rap, with crunching guitars and scorching vocals, saw the band reach heights many can only dream of. They had a problem on their hands though; how in God’s name would they, or more importantly COULD they, follow this up? Well, damnit they had an answer for that! 2023 marks the 20th anniversary of that seemingly impossible second album, “Meteora” ...let's look back and see how they faired. 

We start off very annoyingly here with “Foreword”, as it’s beyond pointless as a stand-alone track. It’s a 13 SECOND intro of gently pouring rain, and light knocking until you hear glass shatter, transitioning into the next song; “Don’t Stay”. That’s it. You may as well have simply extended “Don’t Stay” by those 13 seconds and absolutely nothing would have changed, because it already blends well, and these decisions just baffle me. Conceptually there are elements in this brief sequence that could allude to say, a glass ceiling, the band breaking through barriers and boundaries to achieve what few have done in recent times, before the actual track kicks in with the slowly built riffs, until it erupts with its nu-metal gloriousness. In some ways it could be seen as a subtle dig at their label, who pushed for more of the same following their debuts success, the headache of contractual obligations, being told who to be, how to sound, while naturally it could easily be about a failed relationship. It screams of wanting to be done with something, someone, wanting to grow, to evolve on your own terms, and it’s a powerful opener. 

Next up then we have the first single to be taken from the album; “Somewhere I Belong” …and if the predecessor had four singles, then “Meteora” had to have five. “Somewhere I Belong” sonically in ways, with some of the music video presentation and structure, felt like, a semi-canonical successor, or follow-up to “In The End”, with Chester’s minimal vocal melodies complimenting Mike’s bars, before a harder hitting chorus line and well utilised heavier elements. Grittier, ample Japanese Gundam influence, following on from "Reanimation", but still very much Linkin Park, and they clearly showed consistency upon this release. Again though, at what cost? Mike spits lines like “Just stuck, hollow and alone, and the fault is my own” …were they victims of their own success, doomed to live in Groundhog Day creatively? 

2023, officially started, with ALL of the bang, and a welcome lack of whimper. (“The exact, polar opposite to the night I lost my virginity to be fair!”, he laughs, as a single tear rolls down his cheek). I digress; we are in-fact talking about everyone’s favourite darkly romantic, albeit positively bleak, modern-day Goth daddy VILLE VALO. The former HIM front man got Heartagram’s breaking on the bands 2017 farewell tour, but, in the years since, through a rollercoaster of feelings and emotions, ranging all the way from equanimity to intrigue and anxiousness, he got them racing once more this January, when he released the sonic defibrillator that is “Neon Noir”.  

Now, the admittedly stunning solo record, was covered quite extensively within the alternative music press as it is, as it charted well around Europe (Including a UK Top 30 slot in the vinyl charts), and with his European tour currently in full swing, we must satiate our rejuvenated musical lusting's, with all things love-metal inspired, and get right back into the thick of it, which brings us to today's band; FLOVER.  

You may remember Flover from my 2020 review of “Songs Of Our Broken Hearts”, from which we played a tongue-in-cheek game of HIM Bingo, as the sweet rockers had zero shame in wearing their Heartagram’s on their sleeves, being influenced by Finland’s finest. 2023 finds the fan boys on fine form, as they release their latest album “Love’s Poetry & Dead Melodies”. Eyes down folks, it’s time for another round, but, in this year of thee and me, are we talking two little ducks, or giving too little fucks? Let’s find out... 

Now before we proceed, the whole HIM-Bingo game itself is FAIRLY loose in terms of rules and such; we’re essentially just looking for similarities and parodies, cheeky nods to other songs if you will. Imitation IS the sincerest form of flattery after all. So, with that in mind, we open up with (According to their Bandcamp at least) “Requiem Of Love”, which is an immediate Bingo-card crossed off, as it references “Love Metal” and the bonus track “Love’s Requiem”. The track starts with some incredibly gentle synths, and houses all of the typically slow-chugging riffs you’d expect from a HIM track. Vocally too it’s an ode to Ville, with the similarities in baritone drawl, soaring moments and hushed subtlety. It’s absolutely fine as a track, and could easily pass as a HIM demo, without implying any negativity. 

Next up we have “Suffering” and this one initially has a brief whiff of “Dark Light” regarding the synth delivery and tone here. Again, it’s only subtle, but HIM fans will easily pick up and appreciate the recognition. It’s got ample chorus melody and transitions, and they even deep dive into Ville’s own tastes as there’s a cheeky nod to “Crazy Train” by OZZY OSBOURNE thrown into the mix occasionally on guitar. “Just Our Autumn” has “Razorblade Romance” levels of production all over it, and it reeks of “Join Me (In Death)” but, let’s be honest, that’s never a bad thing. The throwback nostalgia this induces is sweeter than any number of sixes. 

The fun doesn’t stop there either, folks, as “Wonderland”, or it’s chorus structure at the very least is very unashamedly “Salt In Our Wounds” from “Deep Shadows & Brilliant Highlights”. It’s uncanny by this point, that you could quite easily state that Flover were HIM from an alternate dimension and do you know what? I don’t think anyone would call you a liar. “Dance With Me” then steps it up a gear in terms of grit and attitude, with the guitars oozing hard rock swagger, but, what’s this? This too is familiar? Of course, it is, there are more than enough nods to “Soul On Fire” here in the instrumentation, it’s just not AS aggressive, fast-paced or intense.  

“Agony In Your Eyes” then, tonally finds itself somewhere between “And Love Said No” and the gloomier aspects of 2007’s “Venus Doom”, before we eventually get the abbreviated “L.Y.L.I.C.”, which couldn’t possibly be in reference to “Tears On Tape” and “W.L.S.T.D.” could it? Surely not? An abbreviation of “Love You Like I Can”, it actually serves as a 2-in-1, as we could argue it also references “Love You Like I Do”, especially as it’s a deep rock ballad with a slow tempo and impassioned vocals.  

All in all, if you are reading this, you could easily think, Gav, why are you picking so many holes here? Can’t they just enjoy what they create in honour of something they care so very much about? Well, they absolutely can, and on this, their 3rd full-length album, they haven’t disappointed. Sure, it looks like I’m calling them rip-off merchants with a near copy-and-paste formula that’s bordering on identity theft, but that’s admittedly part of the appeal. As a HIM fan, while it is genuinely appreciated that a band has taken it upon themselves to continue HIM’s niche style and sound, you can’t help but have a chuckle and a bit of banter when some of these things are so blatantly obvious.  

Be it a riff, a lyrical likeness, a melody, a vocal delivery; some of these similarities we’ll say, are plain to see, and with Flover, that’s a key contributing factor of what makes them such an enjoyable listen. I respect what they are, and legitimately recommend checking them out. Not a fan of HIM but just generally enjoy Gothic-tinged melodic rock? Here’s a new band for you to check out. You ARE a HIM fan and still miss HIM, even though VV is currently active? Maybe you couldn’t get tickets for VV’s European tour and need cheering up? Get your fix here, without taking life too seriously. It’s a win/win really. [7]  

It’s weird, right? We’re at the arse end of 2022, and Covid still crops up in the conversation regarding bands plans and ideas. Typically, you’d find that bands were a bit lost, because tours were cancelled, so they’d push some extra exclusive merch to compensate, or …they’d work on a cheeky EP to tide fans over, or even just jump straight into writing their next album. But oh no, not LORDI...

The Finnish Eurovision favourites decided fuck it; following 2020’s “Killection”, they weren’t going to get to work on the next album, or even a double-album, no, that’s too uninspired; unoriginal and quite frankly boring. The band decided to work on a concept BOX-SET, of SEVEN consecutive new and original albums,  between 2021-2022 under the banner of “Lordiversity”.  

A modern, retroactive time-capsule, it spans multiple genres, eras and sounds, spanning decades, covering the growth and evolution in fashionable rock ’n’ roll, but with that beastly, Lordi twist. The question is; can a bunch of pantomime shock rockers pull off such a feat? Let’s find out, as we plough through these 78 tracks, wishing they could have settled for an EP... 

The series starts off with “Skelectric Dinosaur” and we find ourselves back in the late 1970’s, where rock music was at that initial turning point. That transition between the more innocent, formative rock ‘n’ roll, swing and more blues influenced styles, to what we now refer to separately as classic rock.  It opens up with “SCG Minus 7: The Arrival” and with its church organs, haunting wails and children's giggles, telling you that “Monsters are coming” …it’s quite the creepy introduction. This however leads us into disappointment, as we’re greeted with first track proper; “Day Off Of The Devil”.  

Musically absolutely fine for the style they are going for, imagine, KANSAS, or, ALICE COOPER or even BLUE OYSTER CULT, they’ve nailed that classic guitar tone and recording quality, credit to them, and it’s a decent, chilled out rock track, however the intro promised something a lot more sinister. The question is, how DOES the devil spend his days off? Is he there with a bowl of Coco Pops, sat on the couch in his pyjamas watching Disney+ on a Saturday morning? Who knows.... who cares...not me.  

“Starsign Spitfire” has a very slow, plodding pace to it, while it does have some decent backing vocal harmonies elevating the chorus. “The Tragedy Of Annie Mae” has a very DEEP PURPLE-esque bass-line fuelling the track and it rumbles along nicely. We do eventually finish album one off with “...And Beyond The Isle Was Mary”, and we get a quaint, piano-filled piece with rainy sound effects, resulting in a gentle closing number.  They nailed the sound of the era and have delivered well here overall; it’s not a bad start. 

Next up we have the album “Superflytrap” and we transition rather quickly from the origins of rock and early metal, into the bright lights of the discotheque. The intro piece, “SCG Minus 6: Delightful Pop-Ins" is totes cringe babes, with the porn parody content. Some bimbo taking in the pizza guy, and the pool guy, like some seedy classic blue-movie plot-segue, until the monster breaks in and there’s screaming and terror, and it’s all a bit shit. I pray Asylum don’t read this; their movies are bad enough as it is... 

The actual opening tracks “Macho Freak” and “Believe Me” are a bit better. It’s not always easy to recreate that nostalgic disco/club vibe musically with it coming out authentic, but credit to a band like Lordi, they’ve managed it. The funk-fuelled synths, alongside the twangy guitars, in this day and age remind me of DEREK BISHOP if you’re interested in modern disco, and to be fair, the band, despite their appearance, don’t sound cheesy doing this. “Bella From Hell” capitalises on some genuinely soulful backing vocals, while “Cast Out From Heaven” tries to be a genuine ballad, and, let's be honest, the vocals do NOT suit this approach. This is too jarring.  

Where do we go from here?  Album number three; “The Masterbeast From The Moon”, and we enter prog-rock territory. Inspired by the likes of PINK FLOYD etc, it’s a more ambitious piece but do a band like Lordi have the ability to pull this off? Let’s get one thing straight here, no... the answer is no. “Moonbeast” utilises an almost GHOST-like character instrumentally but that’s genuinely as good as it gets. The praise ends here. “Hurricane Of The Slain” highlights this point as, the piano rich, orchestrally led strings of the track are gorgeous, but the clash with the gruff vocals absolutely ruins things. It’s all well and good trying new things musically, but when the vocals are so often stagnant, it has a detrimental effect on the entire project. “Church Of The Succubus” at over 11 minutes fits better in the whole prog-rock aesthetic, but even that can’t save this record.  

What do we have next? “Abusement Park”, and I can’t lie to you, I do love a play on words; this title tickles me. It reminds me of JOHNNY KNOXVILLE in the film “Action Point”, but I digress. The title track absolutely reeks of classic heavy metal with the pacing, the key transitions, the style of percussion, it’s got a semi-MOTORHEAD vibe to it as well as the likes of W.A.S.P., almost power-metal in places, and it’s very up-tempo and energetic. It can be a bit cheesy with some incredibly cliched names like “Ghost Train” and “Rollercoaster”, but it’s to be expected. “Carousel” has some wonderfully emotive, smooth, sensual guitar playing that reek of the 80’s, while “Pinball Machine” harbours this strong AC/DC, or, JUDAS PRIEST level of vocal screeching.  

“Nasty, Wild & Naughty” harbours all of that overdone rock ’n’ roll sleaze lyrically, despite being a catchy piece of rock with all of the cowbell, before “Merry Blah Blah Blah” comes out of the blue as a Christmas single. The bells and choirs are there, the Santa references are there... but do you know what is also there? Me, making Ebeneezer Scrooge feel uncomfortable with my lack of festive spirit. Pull a cracker, the joke will be this song, I promise. I mean, WHY?! 

Next up we have “Humanimals” and we’ve reached our more, BON JOVI and AOR inspired tracks, and it shows. Opening track proper “Borderline” has a real, I guess, bon-jovial vibe to it (I’m sorry) with its light, up-beat synths and almost hushed percussion. The chorus houses some smoother gang vocals and its honestly quite the pleasant little track instrumentally. “Victims Of The Romance” utilises a more guitar driven approach in comparison but it reeks of that, all-too parodied hair-metal era. If you choose to picture Lordi with mullets in spandex, well, that challenging wank is on YOU my friend. “The Bullet Bites Back” stands out with its genuinely sleek guitar tones, and especially it’s solo, before we revisit “Like A Bee To The Honey”. A decent piece (Written by KISS) but, two years old, and practically becoming filler at this point.  

Our penultimate album, “Abracadaver” leans further into the emergence of what we now fondly refer to as modern metal, with that transitional period, from the mid to late 1980’s into the 1990’s. Ignoring the now tedious intro bit, we dive into “Devilium”, and we’re met with a bombardment of riffs, old-school thrash metal aesthetics and vocals that could make onions cry. The title-track isn’t much better truth be told. You CAN hear “Big-4” elements but the track does eventually descend into utter fret-wankery. “Beast Of Both Worlds” is arguably as good as it gets on this one, with it’s very SLAYER-esque chugging riff-work and rhythmic snarls. Done well enough but, beyond dated. 

Finally, then, and oh how glad I am knowing this (Excited for this one? Hell no, I’m just glad this is over with), we round things up with “Spooky Sextravaganza Spectacular” and that name alone reeks of ROB ZOMBIE. “Demon Supreme” utilises darker synths and a semi-industrial aesthetic to give the ol' Dragula a right good rear ending. It’s a touch repetitive but it’s got an energy to it and reminds me of POWERMAN 5000 in ways. “Lizzard Of Oz” houses more chugging riffs, with a strong electronic core sound, something which a more industrial metal unit might partake-in.  

“Skull And Bones (The Danger Zone)” repeats this seemingly Rob Zombie inspired instrumental direction, with it sounding aesthetically very similar. “Shake The Baby Silent” is top quality parenting advice it has to be said, Mr. Lordi collecting his dad of the year award over here, well done. Skip the bottle feed, jump straight to infanticide. It took seven albums but we do actually get our first actual stand-out highlight in the form of “Terror Extra-Terrestrial”. The intro spoils it a little bit, with its E.T parody segue, but we get a frankly quirky piece of synth-driven hard rock, and it’s honestly rather catchy. We ultimately finish up very ironically however, with the track “Anticlimax”...and I’m not even going to make any jokes here, the audio speaks for itself. After seven albums, completing this seventy-eight-track endurance test has to be rewarded in some aspect surely? Not in the slightest. 

Lordi tried something different here; they have to applauded for their creative ambition, that’s without question. What DOES need to be questioned though, is why the hell they couldn’t do seven concept EP’s instead of seven full bloody albums? They could have very easily cherry-picked specific highlights, and made a far more digestible, and more importantly, enjoyable listening experience. Seventy-eight tracks, allows for far, far too much filler, and truth be told, fodder. They managed to occasionally hit certain spots musically, and instrumentally to diversify these albums into their genre’s, which is the entire point OF “Lordiversity” as a concept, but vocally they just aren’t capable of really delivering; it’s very one-dimensional for the most part, and that grates over time.

In summary... Monstrous? Check. Mediocre? Also check. If concept albums are your thing, love anthologies and collecting box-sets, or simply are a die-hard Lordi fan, you'll likely enjoy this for what it is. If you specifically like a certain style or genre, feel free to sift through your own preferences accordingly, you MIGHT get something out of it, but, as a complete package, this is at a level of grandiosity Lordi really shouldn't be dabbling in. For me? This review is finally over...give me a hard rock hallelujah! [4]

OK so Summertime is upon us, or, is at least around the corner...perhaps. It’s hard to tell in Wales sometimes to be honest, seriously; it’s Wales, not ‘whales’, we don’t require this much water so regularly so can you please stop raining? I jest it’s been pretty decent recently, and that is quite possibly because I’ve been privately praying to today’s band; CVLT OV THE SVN. No, I haven’t had a stroke, that’s how it’s presented (Obviously it’s Cult Of The Sun) and I will say right now that they are personally, one of my favourite discoveries in recent memory. 

Hailing from Finland, because of course they do...all my favourite bands do...it’s a project shrouded in a sense of mystique and intrigue, as the ensemble wishes to explore the darkness with a sense of macabre, theatrical flair on their debut album “We Are The Dragon”. Released on NAPALM RECORDS, let's see just how these darkest of stars can brighten up your summer playlists. 

​The album appropriately kicks off with the title track and we’re met with a surprisingly up-beat, jovial guitar tone...this is a lot more melodic than expected but there are zero complaints with that. I had a similar experience with GHOST’s debut album; expecting some brutally dark doom metal but getting some kind of deeper, BLUE OYSTER CULT type effort. Seriously the song structure here revels in its simplicity but it’s an effective hook, which is in turn countered by the sinister, snarling vocals. Honestly, it's like the DANHAUSEN of rock songs; very nice...very evil. It meanders pleasantly enough and gets the album underway in an interesting and unexpected manner, but it’s all good. 

Follow up track “My Venom” takes things down an admittedly darker path...the initially twangy guitar leads into some seriously atmospheric, intense instrumentation, before we blend elements of thrashy punk with chilling alt-rock. We soon realise that the vocals here don’t necessarily have a lot of range or depth, as we find ourselves sticking fast to a husky, raspy delivery. While it would be fine to chastise the lack of diversity, the style is effective enough to carry the tracks, and it gives them and in turn this entire album, it’s character. 

Having established the general approach for the record, we can easily appreciate that from here on it just goes from strength to strength, with several notable highlights. “Luna In The Sky Forever” in ways reminds me of the aforementioned Ghost with its catchy electronic-tinged bassline and simple, synth-laden groove. “Don’t Be Tender Love Me Cruel” has a slower, more methodical pace that allows emphasis on the emotive guitar tones, which, coupled with the self-depreciative lyrical drawl, creates a sultry, almost masochistic offering. 

If it’s up-tempo you want then this bunch of cvlts have you covered too, as album highlight “Twilight” luckily has absolutely nothing to do with Stephanie Meyer. Nary a sparkling vampire in sight, we get a fantastically infectious dose of punk-tinged hard rock with more hooks than Leatherface’s lady-pantry. At its core, the up-tempo bass riff and simplistic chugging could be mistaken for something by, RISE AGAINST or BAD RELIGION, before the darker characteristics kick in. This is a great track. “Hellbound” keeps things nice and intense with some initially pummelling percussion and another dose of deeply self-depreciating lyrics... ”My mind is an endless well of negative thoughts...in its prime; shows me no remorse”. Relatable fam. “Whore Of Babylon” is then equally relatable (Can I get a H’oooohhhhhhhh Yeahhh from all my fellow sluts? I’m kidding...I’m KIDDING!) but the blackened metal flurry can’t help but raise more than a few horns. 

In terms of alternative music, Cvlt Ov The Svn have seemingly cherry picked some quality influences stylistically for this debut. There’s a sprinkle of black metal and gothic imagery, there’s a brilliantly fun, punk-esque hard rock quality to a lot of the instrumentation, there are almost doom inspired atmospherics and it’s all wrapped up with an almost pop music production quality, and it works perfectly! These Finns have dropped what is personally, a contender for the album of the year in my eyes and ears...believe me, I am a dragon too, and I’ve got one on my flag to fucking prove it! [9]​

What is there to say about 2020, that hasn't already been said? Within these reviews over the past nine months I've light-heartedly made reference to issues like Covid-19 and such, but let's not detract from the seriousness of the whole situation. As a calendar year, 2020 was one of the most difficult, frustrating, upsetting and confusing in recent history, and this isn't strictly down to Coronavirus...this time last year we were on the brink of World War 3! Politics has been a shambles, social injustice has been rife, the divide in both community spirit and the classes seemingly continues to grow, and generally speaking, the world is a complete mess. Luckily we've had music to keep us going, if not to keep us sane, and for that at least I am grateful. The images above showcase my personal highlights of 2020, grouped in categories covering pop, metal, EP's and general favourites, and it shows that, despite the state of the world, music flourishes. Music and the arts are SO important, as many of us learned during national lockdown, and we need to appreciate the people who dedicated their lives to creating that art SO much, because times like these prove we'd be lost without them. 

I mean, just looking at the cover art above, it's been as diverse a year as any. MILEY CYRUS embraced her inner rocker on her new album, having collaborated with the likes of BILLY IDOL and JOAN JETT. Groups like STEPS made an unexpected comeback showing they've still got it in an ever changing pop industry, as did MELANIE C. From a metal standpoint, PARADISE LOST prove they just get better with age, as they not only released one of the albums of their career, they also found themselves in the UK Top 40! Imagine that! Goth metal on Radio 1! It gives hope to newer acts like SOUTH OF SALEM who delivered a truly stunning debut album, and certify themselves as ones to watch for sure. There have also been plenty of superb EP's released over the past twelve months...especially VV. Ville Valo surprised everyone with his 3-track EP and HIM fans rejoiced at the new material, I for one certainly cannot wait to hear more from him. CHRISTINE AND THE QUEENS put emphasis on the art as their whole EP was turned into one big choreographed music video which was impressive, while I personally made some brilliant discoveries in the form of LUCIA & THE BEST BOYS and JACKIE. 

Finally then, my official albums of the year, and I was spoiled for choice to be fair. THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE always deliver, they never release a bad album and I'm looking forward to catching up with Chibi on the rescheduled tour dates. MARILYN MANSON dropped his best album in years much to my delight, having found his last couple a little bit boring (Sorry Mazza!), GREY DAZE tugged at the heartstrings with a touching tribute to the late Chester Bennington, releasing unheard material from his pre-LINKIN PARK days, reminding us all how much we'll miss such a talented, brilliant human being. NINJA SEX PARTY on the other hand proved they remain one of the funniest groups around with their bonkers writing style, comedic lyricism and story-telling and wholesome attitude. Yes, 2020 has been a bit of a mess to say the least, but we've still got music, and as fans of that music, we've still got one another, and as a community, we need to hold on to that. With that said, below, is my official GTGC Spotify playlist of 2020, with 40 hand-picked tracks spanning the above records, and it is dedicated to my very good friend Scot 'JD' Rees, who is sadly no longer with us in body, but will forever be with us in heart and spirit. Whether he had a Jack & Coke in his hand, or his guitar, he was always laughing at something, and his energy for enjoyment was infectious. I will miss you Scot, and this compilation is for you. X

The end of the calendar year; a period of time this reviewer looks forward to annually. Not because of Christmas and the time-off work (Although the time-off is wonderful) and not because of the festive indulgence, because let’s face it I don’t need an excuse to drink, but because of the annual Winter Goth Getaway.  You may be thinking, what the hell is that? Is there some sort of alternative event that’s slipped under my radar?  

No... it’s basically myself and a group of friends, getting together every Winter, for a select live music adventure. Last year we hit London for the one-off UK date by THE 69 EYES, as well as hitting Bristol for the RXPTRS X-Mas bash...while in previous years we’ve been up and down the country to catch HIM, CKY and FIELDS OF THE NEPHILIM. It’s become a tradition and a whole lotta fun...that was until Covid ruined everything. This year, my friends and I didn’t get to go to any special Winter gigs, meet awesome new people and get ludicrously drunk, resulting in Christmas this year being a little less black...and I won't stand for that. We need some Goth damnit! And I may just have a solution. 

​Cast your mind back to 2017, and I reviewed an interesting band by the name of FLOVER. The Italian/Russian project comprising of Fabio and Kolya respectively, had released their debut album “Dark & Sweet”, and you’ll remember I made sure to point out that they more than borrowed a lot of sound and substance from the aforementioned HIM, even going as far as naming their sound “Sweet Rock” in homage to “Love Metal”. While I jested that, imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery but identity theft is a crime, it was impossible to not appreciate their sound and style in the absence of a recently separated HIM. 2020, the bonkers year that it’s been, finds them releasing their follow-up album “Songs Of Our Broken Hearts”. Let's check it out and salvage whatever goth we can... 

​The album opens up with “Secret Romance” ...it’s a bit like Secret Santa, but you already know what it is...HIM. The sultry piano-led dose of rock easily lends itself to the earlier demo-days of “Razorblade Romance”, especially with the underlying, faint synths sounding like they’ve been inspired by “Too Happy To Be Alive”, coupled with the guitar tone and key changes...this is certainly pink era HIM, and a decent start as a result. At this point we may as well start playing Heartagram Bingo...but instead of numbers we’ll be looking for riffs, song structures, vocal harmonies and parodies. Eyes down folks, we’re playing for a full house... 

“Love Beyond Death” starts with some heavier guitar work initially and it’s quite “Venus Doom”, but the chorus melodies soon kick in and it sounds more akin to something taken out of the “Screamworks...” sessions. The chugging riff is balanced nicely with the more delicate piano and the vocal crooning, and it all blends well truth be told. The albums first real highlight comes courtesy of “Love’s Scarecrow” which for all intents and purposes is a pretty straightforward track; simple structure and decent chorus hooks, but it comes to life with an impressive albeit brief solo and the track has this wonderfully energetic, climactic crescendo. 

“The Kiss Of Death” is clearly a take on “Kiss Of Dawn” not only from a titular standpoint, but even in vocal tone and sonic structure...it only slightly differs in tempo and even the wailing, scratchy guitar solo mirrors Linde’s playing on “Venus Doom”...there’s a couple for your bingo card! Speaking of...”Stay With You”...for a moment I honestly thought I’d skipped an album and started playing HIM’s cover of THE RAMONES “Poison Heart”! That opening riff is practically the same! They’re parodying other bands covers of other bands now, we’re getting too deep here, this is some inception type shit. It’s going to get to a point where riffs and musicianship aren’t enough...I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them does an Ed Gein and wears Ville Valo’s skin. I jest, of course. “Lost Souls” takes our mind off this with another simple yet effective chorus hook, even though the pre-chorus more than teases hints of “Dying Song” in delivery, but it’s an enjoyable track, before the title track goes all “When Love And Death Embrace” ...and this once again sums up our listen. 

While I can sit here and scoff at the obvious likenesses to our favourite infernal majesties, and joke about plagiarism, in HIM’s absence, Flover do a great job of keeping that bittersweet sound of romantic melancholy alive. Sure, Ville Valo did surprise everyone this year with a three-track EP, teasing more work to come at some point, but all of that is very minimal and secretive. If you lack the patience for that, Flover offer a more than adequate substitute for Valo himself, and I’m sure you can find it in the depths of your blackest heartagram to appreciate the appreciation they have for the band we all love. After all, these ARE songs for our broken hearts. [7] 

OK so, back in May I debuted a new blog feature which I dubbed the "Unlucky Dip", where I take a break from reviewing full length albums and EP's, to give the singles a chance. It not only allows me to cover a wider variety of artists and genres in one swoop, but it reminds me of albums that will be coming out, and helps me clear more of my never ending barrage of emails. Last time around I was a little mean to one or two of the artists, but as I did point out, this feature IS a sort of cross between speed dating and a comedy roast. Luckily for these seven new artists I generally like all of the tracks I'm about to talk about, which is rare...unluckily for you however this may not be as much of an enjoyable read as the last one! Anyway, with that said, let's get into some music.

I'd like to kick things off with some genuine positivity and excitement. THE SOUNDS are one of the bands I can thank Bam Margera for getting me into way back in the day, and while I was happy to have them back with their EP "The Tales That We Tell" in 2017, we haven't had a full album from Maja and co in seven years!

"Safe And Sound" is the latest single, taken from the highly anticipated new album "Things We Do For Love", which drops June 12th. Originally planned for a May release but put back due to Covid-19, their blend of lightly electronic tinged indie rock 'n' roll sounds as distinct and fresh as ever here...I guess you could say they haven't missed a Tony the beat! I'm very much looking forward to this album and you can expect to find it in my end of year lists for sure.

This one was a submission from the people over at Pop Rush Music and as far as I can tell, this is a stand alone single, as there's been no mention to me of any releases to follow this up. The single in question; "Hunters & Wolves" is by an artist by the name of JORDAN LAKE. Not to be confused with the reservoir, Jordan was born in North Carolina and found his love for singing very early on.

At the age of 4 he became a church singer at his local parish and has had a passion for performing ever since. Now older and having relocated to the West coast, Jordan is writing mature, soulful and emotive pop music that in it's own ways bridges the likes of ADAM LAMBERT with RAG 'N' BONE MAN. Listen below and let me know what you think!

Well..this escalated quickly! GAEREA are a self-confessed cathartic black metal outfit from Portugal, and they were brought to my attention by the folk over at Season Of Mist. 

"Null" is the first track to be taken off their up-coming third album "Limbo" which is released on July 24th and if this track is anything to go by, the six-track 50-minute album is going to be one hell of a journey. There are European tour plans in place for the beginning of 2021, though they are scheduled to play a UK exclusive show in London on October 31st at the Nabucca, which you may want to keep an eye on if you're a fan of black and death metal, as it's part of the Subterranean Manifestation II line-up. Hopefully it goes ahead, and I'll say it again...fuck Covid-19.

This one is arguably the weakest of the seven tracks I'm going through today but that's purely on account the other 6 tracks, as this is still a fun little single and I'm actually not trying to be mean for once. 360 PHOENIX FLIP is the new (Albeit convoluted) moniker by which Mark Lovett now goes by.

Combining his love of skate-punk and artists such as NOFX and RUFIO, with his already experienced background in song production and EDM, he brings us his debut single "Pyromaniac" and the best way to describe it I believe would be, somewhere between OWL CITY and REGGIE & THE FULL EFFECT. Make of that what you will, but I like this and I look forward to what else he has in store. Maybe you'll find him in the new Tony Hawk remastered game soundtrack? At this time of writing I have no links to share with you, as the SoundCloud link was private...sorry.

Now this...this one is fucking bold. GHOST, who you may be familiar with as arguably the biggest rising metal / alternative rock band on the planet, helped cement their status with the song "Square Hammer" from the "Popestar" EP. BEFORE SUNDAY, are a London based duo who have only recently released their debut EP, yet here we find them covering Ghost...and the track isn't even a part of their EP!

Yes thanks to Angels PR, the duo have been in touch with label-mate Marianna from PROJECT RENEGADE and other talented musician friends, to collaborate on this lock-down cover. To be fair, instrumentally at least, they've done the song justice as it barely strays from the original in tone, it's quite a by numbers cover, but naturally they aren't replacing Tobias on vocals, so that's where they differ, although they've stayed true to the original video too in their own ways, taking limitations into account. It's a brave cover, but no real complaints for execution. 

In case you're wondering why there is no art work for this single, it's because the band didn't supply any jpeg files of the artwork. Plenty of photo's of the band, sure, but none of the artwork. The image included in their press kit isn't usable sadly as I was unable to separate and save it to file. Could I message them and ask for a jpeg of the image? I could, of course I could...but it's really not worth the effort.

Anyway, JULIPER SKY are an up-and-coming indie-pop outfit based out of Manchester, UK, and having already released their debut EP this year entitled "Visions Of A New Age", they continue to release separate singles. Opinions vary as to how effective and efficient this is from a marketing stand point...on one hand you can keep fresh content coming and keep up the exposure and relevance...on the other hand, and this is something I believe personally, is that it's annoying and I'd rather you just keep the material for the 2nd EP...let's be honest most of the tracks are going to end up on the debut album anyway, so many artists do it, and I just find it all pointless myself. I digress..."Afterglow" is the kind of light pop-based indie that might appeal to fans of BLOSSOMS for example. You'll have to take my word for it though as again, it comes out on June 26th, and I have no Bandcamp, Spotify or Youtube links to share with you. I might review the EP, give you a better idea.

Today then we finish up on this absolute gem, and another genuine bit of excitement. MUSHROOMHEAD have been going damn near thirty years now and having gone through a couple of line-up changes, they still have an incredibly prolific yet criminally underrated back catalog of albums. 

Having always faced criticism for being SLIPKNOT knock-offs, they never hit the heights they deserved to, but hopefully that will change on their upcoming new album "A Wonderful Life"; their first since 2014! The latest single promoting the album; "The Heresy" see's the real debut of new full time vocalist Ms. Jackie, as well a returning J Mann to bring some welcome nostalgia and heritage to their sound. The clean female vocals add a new dynamic which works really with their heavy, dystopian, underground progressive grunge metal style, and the political message of the single simply adds relevance. I cannot wait for this album, which comes out June 19th via Napalm Records.

​So back in April, I reviewed an album for All About The Rock called “Italians Die Better”, by B-Movie punks SUPERHORROR. It was somewhat controversial given its title, as it was released during the height of the Covid-19 pandemic (One which we’re actually still in, despite the countries neither here nor there approach to public safety). Their background is plucked straight out of a low-budget zombie slasher, and while I did refer to them as a BTEC MURDERDOLLS, they are at least keeping the horror-punk scene alive. However, diving into my email submissions, I find an album forwarded to me by Stencil PR that predates the Italian’s…

Formed in Budapest, Hungary, THE HELLFREAKS are another seemingly horror-punk inspired outfit, consisting of vocalist Shakey Sue, guitarist Jozzy, bassist Domján Gabi and drummer Budai Béla, though they aren’t quite as tongue-in-cheek or gimmicky. Their own background simply stating that hell was “full” so they came back, but their original sound somewhat contradicts this at least in principle. Sure there were horror elements entwined within their lyricism, but as a generally psychobilly based band, I can’t so much as see them being denied entry to hell because HELL was too full, it’s more likely they were denied entry to an alternative club night for not having ID and exaggerated the story; embarrassed they couldn’t get served WKD. I mean there’s always room in hell for psychobilly!

I digress…over the years however they have adapted their sound to be more befitting of their name and claim, as 2020 finds them releasing their latest album “God On The Run”. With an angrier, seemingly more metallic approach to their writing, let’s see what the almighty father is fleeing…and does it explain the events of 2020 thus far? The album opens up with “Men In Grey” and you can immediately sense the increase in aggression compared to their debut…Sue’s vocals are coarse but retain a level of clarity and melody that drives the chorus hook home, all the while complimenting the more frenetic riff-work wonderfully. This is some enjoyable, up-tempo melodic alternative punk, and a solid start.

Recent single “Red Sky” then follows up and after a brief build we’re thrust into another dose of pacey, melodic alt. rock, combining pop sensibilities with a more vitriolic punk aesthetic…not too dissimilar to our opener but with ever so slightly less attitude; it’s cleaner with more harmony allowing for a generally smoother, easier listen without losing any bite. The rest of the album then  in all fairness sticks to this formula pretty vehemently, fleeting between those same duel aggressive and arresting aspects of their song writing style. “Doldrum Dynasty” is another great example of a simplistic yet really effective chorus hook amidst edgier guitar elements, while “Adrenalized” uses soaring gang vocals and almost pop-punk riffs to great effect, before we eventually finish up on “Tabby”. The odd one out as the slowest paced piece here; it’s got a deeper, darker,pulsing synth underlying some predominantly grunge-influenced hard rock, but this change of pacing is a pleasant one. It’s nice to know that they CAN shake things up a little more at least.

Ultimately while “God On The Run” doesn’t explain the complete shit storm 2020 is turning out to be, what it has done is turned a psychobilly horror-rock band into a more straight up, alternative punk rock monster with a more sleek, serious tone and less of a niche appeal…which is saying something. The only thing going against it is its lack of real overall diversity; as it’s pretty much all systems go until track ten, and while the melodies are tight, it CAN sound a little samey. If you’re a fan of SUMO CYCO and NEW YEARS DAY…check out The Hellfreaks…if they let you in that is. [8]

It’s strange how certain things just stick with you as you grow up…for example, let’s say…North Carolina. Random, I know, like, I’ve never been there, I don’t have any family there, but embedded in my brain, is the fact that despite being born in Tennessee, Ric Flair comes from Charlotte, North Carolina (It’s a kayfabe thing). With that in mind, when a band slides into your email submissions stating that they too are from North Carolina, you instantly find yourself shouting “WOOOOO!” and knife-edge chopping everything in close proximity. (Excuse any following typo’s as I write this with a broken hand)

The band in question, are MIRROR POINT, who hail from Sanford and Cedar Creek, NC and consist of members Marc Killian, Travis Jones and Sketchy J. They recently got in touch with me asking me to check out their debut album “Shine On” which was released earlier this year through Mokovo Records. With an apparent variety of stylistic influences, let’s see if Mirror Point can mirror The Nature Boy, and be the limousine-ridin’, jet-flyin’, kiss stealin’, wheelin-dealin’ sons of  guns I personally hope they are.

​The mini-album opens up with “Winner Takes All” and we’re immediately met with some back-to-basics riffs and the typically clean yet, slightly bourbon coated vocals that make up your classic blues rock songbooks. It plods along really quite casually, quite middle of the road really before eventually picking up in intensity, exuding a more passionate instrumental display towards the tracks climax. It takes a minute or two to warm up but it gets there in the end. Not deserving of any winners medals, but it doesn’t come last either…it’s just taking part really. Next up we have a track called “PhenoBarbieDoll” and it’s one of their local radio successes. Another melodic, hard rocking blues-based number, it’s aimed at the trappings and troubles caused by social media; the anxiety it can give you trying to keep up appearances, the expectations of maintaining your plastic lifestyle, the fear of failure and the longing for fame. It’s quite a socially relevant track that has its points, but let’s not beat around the bush here the title is terrible. “PhenoBarbieDoll” sounds like a rip off, of a SyFy rip-off, of a straight to DVD Asylum rip-off of a low-budget “Annabelle” rip-off. We actually ran out of barrel to scrape…

​Looking further into some of their outside influences however, we get to another local radio success by the name of “Is This Was This”…I mean, if this WAS is and is was it wasn’t isn’t it? I thought so. A Latin/Hispanic fuelled little love song with clear yet subtle funk elements, and a certain Mediterranean flare, but plays on regrets, second guesses, absence an emotional confusion, touching upon PTSD, yet delivered in a predominantly light hearted manner. “Just Push Play” continues with the genre experimentation courtesy of a genuinely interesting combination of soulful 70’s funk, lounge jazz and modern hip-hop with a completely out of the blue rap-breakdown. The contrast manages to work without sounding jarring or like the world’s worst Nu Metal band, and that competition is TIGHT, so credit to them there.

The remainder of the record primarily consists of more, textbook blues-based hard rock which does have its moments of instrumental appeal, but sadly does become pretty generic over the course of the album, that IS only seven tracks long remember. Sure they dabbled in a few genres to spice things up but on a scale of black pepper to Bhut jolokia, that spice is toothpaste. Collectively, “Shine On” is harmless enough and you can appreciate it’s basic blues rock appeal, I mean they’re on the radio back home so they’re climbing that ladder, and there is an audience for blues based hard rock, I mean look at BLACK STONE CHERRY…it’s do-able, just on this instance, “Shine On” isn’t even as bright as one of Ric Flair’s bejewelled robes, let alone the 16-time world champion himself. To be the man, you gotta beat the man…Mirror Point have not beaten the man. Mirror Point are more like David Flair than Ric at this point. [5]

When it comes to Irish music, it’s safe to say that there more than a handful of mainstream tropes and clichés in regards to what the country exports. As stated recently they are the current record holders for Eurovision wins (I’m still gutted JEDWARD didn’t win in 2011, “Lipstick” was TIGHT)…they also have a knack for churning out successful pop groups like BOYZONE and WESTLIFE, and they have this traditional drunken-punk aesthetic with the likes of FLOGGING MOLLY ticking off all of the stereotypes. Oh, and some little band called U2, not sure if you’ve heard of them?

Regardless of this however, Ireland of course has a much richer appreciation for music than that, and over the years has churned out some incredibly talented alternative rock bands, ranging from ASH all the way to THERAPY? and everything in between. Today’s band is very much in between, with their blend of mature indie-pop and a rough-around-the-edges, punk-inspired mind set. That band is NEW PAGANS, and they’ve recently released their debut EP “Glacial Erratic”. Comprising of Allan McGreevy, bassist Claire Miskimmin, guitarist/vocalist Cahir O'Doherty, drummer Conor McAuley and vocalist Lyndsey McDougall, they were forwarded to me by the team over at Wilful Publicity; let’s just hope their sound is anything BUT glacial…

The EP kicks off with “It’s Darker” which is promising as that is precisely how I prefer things, ranging from my humour, to my coffee, to my slaves (Just kidding I don’t drink coffee). A slightly disjointed, somewhat clunky dose of bass-soaked guitars greets us over some generally piercing vocals. There’s a certain off-key charm to it, coming across as very raw and grunge-inspired, with a rather PJ HARVEY or THE PIXIES vibe, and it’s a promising start. If it’s the rockier aesthetic you prefer then you’ll certainly find this to be an EP of two halves…”Bloody Soil” in particular is an EP highlight with its up-tempo, more energised delivery, showcasing that punk-oriented approach to their sound. The longer intro has a subtle KILLING JOKE vibe going on but it eventually erupts into a hook-laden emotive chorus and it’s wonderfully catchy. Closing track “Lily Yeats” then too has a more energetic urgency to it, but instead utilises a more melodic, indie-based rock ‘n’ roll sound which closes out the EP on another highlight, easily making you want to hear more; it works brilliantly in that sense.

If however, you do prefer to take things slowly, opting for some more subdued content, then they have you covered too, especially on the tracks “Charlie Has The Face Of A Saint” and “Admire”. The former is still guitar driven but it slows things right down to a more methodical, plodding pacing that gives off an almost, rugged shoegaze vibe, while the latter, which was appropriately released on Valentine’s Day as a single funnily enough, is a much gentler piece of soft, mature indie-pop, absorbing you into its sweet dreamscape. Ultimately here the five-piece have showcased a wonderful range of influence and direction on their debut, touching upon varied styles and managing to find their own sound amongst that, without sounding lost or desperate for identity. As stated it can be rough around the edges and raw but that’s part of the charm here. Fingers crossed their trajectory following this EP will be anything but glacial, and they are certainly a band to keep an eye on. New Pagans could one day be your new favourite band. [7]

I get A LOT of emails, not as many as big publications obviously, but for me, I get a lot, and I literally can’t keep up with them all. This means I either take virtually forever getting around to some reviews, resulting in the peak promotion period usually having been and gone, for that I do apologise. Sometimes I forget about submissions entirely, for which I also apologise, and a lot of the time, I’m sent singles. Now, this blog has been running since 2014 and 99% of the content here, bar the odd rare article, is comprised of EP and album reviews. I’ve nothing against the humble single, I miss the days of picking up CD singles in Woolworths wondering what B-Sides you’d be treated to…but writing a full review for just A single is something I’ve always personally deemed a bit of a ball ache.

Going forward, I am going to try to, once a week (The key word being try here, I’m making no promises) present a general collection of single submissions from my inbox in one article, to try and ensure I don’t miss out on potential gems, and more importantly, to also clear some space in my inbox (At this time of writing I have around 650 unread emails…LOL). With that in mind, here are seven randomly selected tracks that I have been sent, that I would like to share with you, in the first GTGC Unlucky Dip; the result of combining Speed Dating with the heartfelt Comedy Roast.

We're going to kick this feature off with a 4-piece from London by the name of HEAVYMAN. Comprising of vocalist/guitarist Charlie Yang, drummer Tom Papaloizou (I'm pretty sure he was in "The League Of Gentlemen"?) bassist Igor Fonseca and lead guitarist Nick Burns, they recently got in touch, stating that were fans of the blog and were themselves fueled by alcohol and sarcasm, asking me to check out their debut single "Baby Jean". How could I possible refuse?

Initially sounding like something you'd hear from early TURBONEGRO, it soon transitions into a more methodical, groove-rich slow jam of a southern blues rock effort. It covers all the bases with some slick guitar work and vocal swagger for some textbook classic blues rock. With more tracks scheduled to be released over the coming months, these are ones to watch.

"Now this is a story all about how my life got, at most, mildly inconvenienced, but I'd like to take a minute just to share this my friend, and talk about this new single by The Fresh Prince Of Bellend".

You know all the meme's with "Now listen here you little shit..."? Well that's essentially me right now with RORY K. A native of downtown Manhattan, New York, Rory was born into a musical family, with his dad having been in the late 80's socio-political rock group BLACK 47. So imagine his dad's disappointment to see Rory here peddling some of the most uninspired, cringe-worthy rap/hip-hop an eleventeen-year-old would perform, on the track "Heat Thru Your Body"...I bet he finds vanilla spicy.

From the intro that sounds like seagulls having a stroke, to the combination of abysmal lyrics and self-indulgent vocals...and the embarrassing video, it's just...no. The bit where Rory is, (I'll use this term loosely) "performing" in front of some street graffiti, why are you holding a mic? You look like an absolute tit mate. And you emailed me three times for this? Assuming I hadn't replied because I couldn't stop dancing to the track? I would sooner invite my enemies to dance upon my grave than dance to this myself. And it's through*...for the record. I'm beginning to regret this new feature already...

I honestly don't know why I get sent this stuff...I'm not against rap and however many hip-hop subcultures there actually are, but it is SO rare I find any that I genuinely like. I can appreciate a flow, or a beat, sure, but there is too much recycled rap out there full of cliches about money, bitches, drugs and ho's and quite frankly I don't care about any of it.

"Twerk It Out" is the new track from Cleveland Ohio based hio-hop veteran DEEJAY CENTIPEDE, who has been spinning records since the 80's, and it features Sonny Vajra and Tee Hova...which...means absolutely nothing to me. It's got a certain 90's vibe going on which I guess you could describe as "fresh", with some soft synths poorly underlying some genuinely irritating clapping percussion. A lot of autotune going on in the vocals, and I can't lie, outside of this blog, I wouldn't listen to this...I'd rather be in the middle of a Human Centipede truth be told, but that's just me. As of now I'm outlawing Twerking on GTGC. 

Austrian psychedelic rock trio MOTHER'S CAKE (Consisting of lead vocalist/guitarist Yves Krismer, bassist Benedikt Trenkwalder and drummer/backing vocalist Jan Haussels) are set to release their new album sometime in the Autumn of 2020, and tease interesting things to come with their latest single "Toxic Brother".

The onslaught of fuzzy guitars and echoed vocals, delivered among a frenetic, up-tempo barrage of stoner sludge-punk is as fun as it is exciting; the energy is real here and it'll easily appeal to fans of say, EXIT_INTERNATIONAL. The gradual fade-out of the track counters the increasing levels of insanity as you can hear the mental breakdown as it happens...this is a solid track.

Returning to the UK now and more specifically; Hull, and we have a four-piece hardcore punk outfit by the name of SMILING ASSASSIN. Consisting of vocalist George Garnett, drummer Robbie Johnson, guitarist Josh Rogerson and bassist Casey Stead, they were forwarded to me by the wonderful folk over at Rage PR.

The new socio-political single "National Pride" is taken off the forthcoming album "Plight Of The Millennial" which is penciled for release on May 31st, and it combines all the vitriolic aggression of hardcore punk with the instrumental impatience of trash metal, easily taking influence from the likes of THE EXPLOITED or MUNICIPAL WASTE. It's an intense listen and suggests that the new album is going to be an absolute scorcher.

Now I'll start off by saying this...on initial listen, it's not as annoying as "Despacito"...but I'm not ruling it out overtime. It's another one of this Latino-inspired R'n'B/rap offerings that's meant to sound all smooth and sexy in the club, but I'd rather just sit in the corner with a warm bottle of Bacardi squeezing fresh lime directly into my eyeballs. 

L.D.N's contribution is fine and his rapping isn't bad, probably the most enjoyable aspect of this track in all fairness, but that doesn't really say much. Also, Mi Carino means My Sweety...creepy much. Your Nan singing this is she mate? Bomboclaat don't say shit like sweety fam ya get me? Real talk blud. I just lost the plot, literally watched it run off...

We round off this selection of tracks by coming full circle back to London, to find CALLING ALL ASTRONAUTS an their newest single "Welcome To The Black Bloc". The trio (Consisting of vocalist/programmer David B, guitarist JJ and bassist Paul "Buzzsaw McCrudden) mix elements of punk rock attitude and an electronic, almost light industrial tone for their sound, bridging the likes of PITCHSHIFTER, MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE and MINISTRY for a no-nonsense blast of socio-political neo-dystopian noise.

The single is officially released on May 29th, with the new album, entitled "#Resist" dropping shortly after on June 5th, via Supersonic Media which I'm sure is going to an incredibly charged listen.

For a blog with a name like GavTheGothicChav…you’d think I had my finger firmly on the pulse when it comes to Goth rock, but truth be told, I continue to miss a lot of what’s going on in underground Gothic circles. Some of my favourite new bands, like HER DESPAIR and THE WRAITH have fallen into my lap courtesy of other publications I’ve contributed to (Shout out to Astral Noize), but other than that, I’m more Chav than Goth these days, and that’s upsetting. Luckily I got a friend request on the old Facebook recently by a gentleman by the name of Alex, who thought that my blog would be a great place for his band; THE BLACK CAPES. Firstly, thank you for getting in touch Alex…and secondly, his band abso-fucking-lutely belong on this blog! Follow me! (Makes mysterious whooshing gesture with my cape and runs into the shadows)

Hailing from Athens, Greece, The Black Capes (Consisting of vocalist Alex S Wamp, guitarist Thanos Jan, bassist Dorian Gates and drummer Christos Grekas) originally formed in 2016 yet despite their relatively short existence thus far they’ve achieved a fair bit! Their debut album “All These Monsters” was produced by the people behind PARKWAY DRIVE and FALLING IN REVERSE…and they’ve done some solid European touring; establishing themselves in strong alternative markets such as Germany. Now in 2020 they aim to push things further with their sophomore album “Lullabies For The Dead”, due out April 10th via Dark Tunes Records. Let’s check it out…

We open up with the promotional track “And I Wait” but we don’t have to wait long AT ALL to hear some wonderfully hard rocking, bass-driven riffs. We surge right into it here to be fair and the up-beat barrage of guitar is the perfect counter for Alex’s deep vocal drawl, which is a classic trope for such Goth rock, but that’s not detrimental. The gruffness to the vocals likens The Black Capes to fellow Greek Goths SADDOLLS in ways, allowing for a rough around the edges sense of character, while maintaining all of the hooks (Including that smooth guitar solo) and this is a good start. This is emphasised on album highlight “Rain” which amps up the melody wonderfully. The deep emotive baritone takes on more of a croon, which allows for a sound more akin to THE 69 EYES when they first started dabbling in the dark arts, think “Wasting The Dawn” era…but the track picks up towards the end for a feisty little crescendo and it’s a great track this.

Influences don’t stop there either, as proven on tracks such as “The Blood Is The Life”, which incorporates an almost middle-eastern sense of string instrumentation, something the likes of TIAMAT have dabbled in in the past, while “From Beyond The Grave” tips the hat to bands such as A PALE HORSE NAMED DEATH with its slow, deep, methodical chugging riff work, before “Gotham” delivers a tighter guitar sound, channelling the likes of PARADISE LOST to great effect towards the tracks climax. The haunting background moans providing a sense of atmosphere too, so too with the piano and synths on “The Gun Of Love”, allowing for a chilling listen. We eventually finish up on “War Is Where You Make It” and if anything it’s sadly the weakest track on the album…the incredibly lethargic doom-inspired chugging of the riffs coupled with the deeper, depressed tone of Alex’s gravelled vocals resembles proto-Goth outfits such as FIELDS OF THE NEPHILIM, and while that’s not at all a bad thing, it brings the mood down entirely after such a solid, bold sounding album.

As oxymoronic as that last statement sounds for a Gothic rock album however, “Lullabies For The Dead” is a superb collection of grandiose Goth that spans multiple eras, allowing for multiple influences to shape a noticeable variety in styles within just ten tracks. And to think, they said not all heroes wear capes? Looks like Batman has some competition…[8]

​Back in 2017, the gothic rock community found itself in an official state of mourning. You might think, well, nothing fucking new by there? But, we had a legitimate excuse for our smudged eye liner. You see, everyone’s favourite romantic-rockers HIM, were officially no more. Yes following the departure of long-time drummer Mika Karppinen (Gas) and the appointment of Jukka Kröger (Kosmo), plus the fairly lukewarm reception of “Tears On Tape”…there were a lot of mixed feelings within the HIM camp…and a lot of uncertainty. Over this period, one thing eventually led to another, and after a series of farewell shows, the Heartagram had seemingly stopped beating. Tears were no longer merely on tape, they were on the cheeks of thousands of distraught fans across the globe…and it hurt.

Granted there were other projects that trickled out from certain members of the band…we got a fantastic 3rd installment from DANIEL LIONEYE courtesy of guitarist Mikko Lindström…as well as a couple of the guys forming FLAT EARTH, but it just wasn’t the same. What was Ville Valo up to? As the voice of HIM, he naturally carried the most intrigue, and while he did tease some activity with the release of the Finnish language single "Olet mun kaikuluotain", as well as reuniting with former collaborators THE AGENTS for some more traditional Finnish classics…he’s been incredibly quiet, almost suspiciously quiet…until now. On March 20th, 2020, Ville, under the new moniker of VV, surprised everyone by dropping three new tracks on an EP entitled “Gothica Fennica Vol.1”. With a modified Heartagram on the cover…was this what HIM fans had been craving for so long? Tissues at the ready folks, this might get emotional.

We get underway with ”Salute The Sanguine” and as the soft, near synthetic guitar melodies meander through your speakers, you can’t help but feel overwhelmed with, dear I say it…a foreboding sense of impending happiness. This is in its own right fitting as the delicate tones of not only the instrumentation but Ville’s voice hark back to albums such as “Screamworks…” and “Dark Light”; there’s a vulnerability to his voice that adds heaps of sentiment. Conceptually an interesting one, as sanguine is essentially a colour, or pigment used in a lot of centuries old artwork and self-portraits, resembling the shade of dried blood. It’s as if he’s looking back fondly on his career as if it had been dusted off having been locked away, appreciating the memories and what they gave him, with each scar a story, but knowing too that he isn’t the same man as before. This ties in nicely to the modified Heartagram…for like the music accompanying it; it’s a little HIM, but it isn’t, though it’s still beautiful.

Next up we have “Run Away From The Sun” and again here we’re immediately met with Ville’s gentle croon over more soft rock guitars and mellow acoustics. Another smooth and melodic offering, this is accessible as any of HIM’s lightest works as though Ville has embraced more of an indie-pop aesthetic, while retaining his core, lyrically melancholic writing style, allowing for those distinct HIM tropes. Speaking of, closing track “Saturnine Saturnalia” is the most HIM-sounding of the three tracks presented here and while not specifically raucous or rocking, it carries with it a distinct aura of hurt and emotional torment, mixing Ville’s honey coated vocals with a more sombre dose of doom and gothic stylistics. It’s got more prominent riff work and sounds like it could have come from one of the old “Venus Doom” demo sessions, fitting in with the likes of “Cyanide Sun” aesthetically, allowing for a deeper, ever so slightly darker listen.

If I may come across as selfish for a moment, sadly, these are the only three tracks presented here but while naturally wanting more, we have to be grateful of a couple of key things. To start, Ville is once again releasing music in any capacity, that’s the main thing, but the fact that the Heartagram has returned and his music is more akin to the styles and sounds of old is not only heart-warming, but brings with it hope. He’s clearly finding his feet again, and despite being only three tracks long, having been away for three years now, “Gothica…” is an effortlessly good start. The fact too that it’s merely volume one hints at more music down the line, and if these three tracks are anything to go by, we’re in for a fucking treat. Never mind the sanguine, Ville Valo, we salute you and welcome back sir! [10]

2019 has like most years, been a strong year for new music. It doesn't matter what genre we're talking about; it's been a year of triumphant returns, exploratory and experimental albums and EP's and an overall win for you and me, the consumer. Over the past 12 months, in between changes in my personal life with relationships and employment, undertaking a completely new job with no prior training or background, I've still done my best to keep on top of new music, more specifically my reviews, despite my own mental health which I don't really talk about much. With all of that said, I've still managed to listen to a total of 274 brand new EP's and albums in 2019 and out of all of those, I've managed to whittle down that number to a categorised series of Best Of lists. Ranging from EP's specifically, to pop music, metal and my own personal favourite releases of the year, I've managed to expand my listening experiences and broaden my horizons to allow myself to grow as a reviewer, and these albums sum that up quite well in my opinion. While I've already shared these lists on social media, such as my Twitter ( @GavinJGriffiths ) my Instagram ( @gavthegothicchav ) and my Facebook page ( www.facebook.com/GTGCReviews ) I wanted to give a more in-depth look at my choices for the year, and my individual scoring of each record...essentially doing a Dave Meltzer star-rating system for each individual track. I hope you find my choices interesting, and as usual, I've compiled my official Spotify end of year playlist which I've included at the bottom of this post for your listening pleasure. Here's to 2020 where all of this starts again...until next time...have a happy new year, and, A LITTLE BIT OF THE BUBBLY! 

20] KILO KISH - "Redux" EP - 1.60/5
19] HEAVY LUNGS - "Measure" EP - 1.60/5
18] NAUT - "Semele" EP - 1.66/5
17] INTERPOL - "A Fine Mess" EP 1.80/5
16] POPPY - "Choke" EP - 1.80/5
15] SODOM - "Out Of The Fontline Trench" EP - 1.80/5
14] YUNGBLUD - "The Underrated Youth" EP - 1.83/5
13] BENNY BASSETT - "Words For Yesterday" EP - 1.83/5
12] 8MM - "Heart Shaped Hell" EP - 2.00/5
11] MILEY CYRUS - "She Is Coming" EP - 2.00/5
10] CATHEDRAL IN FLAMES - "Children Of The Blackest Hole" EP - 2.20/5
09] SKYLAR GREY - "Angel With Tattoos" EP - 2.20/5
08] SUN ARCANA - "Just Another Dream Away" EP - 2.20/5
07] PALAYE ROYALE - "Massacre, The New American Dream" EP - 2.25/5
06] YEAR OF THE LOCUST - "Year Of The Locust" EP - 2.25/5
05] RXPTRS - "I" EP - 2.40/5
04] LIL NAS X - "7" EP - 2.50/5
03] HAWTHORN AVENUE - "Wildfire" EP - 2.50/5
02] HER DESPAIR - "Exorcisms Of Eroticism" EP - 2.50/5
01] SOME VILLAINS - "Outliars" EP - 2.75/5

20] P!NK - "Hurts 2 B Human" - 1.53/5
19] BASTILLE - "Doom Days" - 1.54/5
18] TOM WALKER - "What A Time To Be Alive" - 1.57/5
17] BILLIE EILISH - "When We All Fall Asleep Where Do We Go" - 1.57/5
16] EMMA BUNTON - "My Happy Place" - 1.60/5
15] POST MALONE - "Hollywood's Bleeding" - 1.64/5
14] BLACKPINK - "In Your Area" - 1.66/5
13] KERLI - "Shadow Works" - 1.66/5
12] MIKA - "My Name Is Michael Holbrook" - 1.69/5
11] ALICE MERTON - "Mint" - 1.81/5
10] SIGRID - "Sucker Punch" - 1.83/5
09] LEWIS CAPALDI - "Divinely Inspired To A Hellish Extent" - 1.83/5
08] MARINA - "Love + Hate" - 1.87/5
07] DAVE - "Psychodrama" - 1.90/5
06] BUSTED - Half Way There" - 1.90/5
05] WILDWOOD KIN - "Wildwood Kin" - 2.10/5
04] WILL YOUNG - "Lexicon" - 2.16/5
03] JAMES BLUNT - "Once Upon A Mind" - 2.18/5
02] HANTE. - "Fierce" - 2.23/5
01] SCANDROID - "The Light" - 2.28/5

20] KHAIDIAN - "Penumbra" - 2.00/5
19] INCITE - "Built To Destroy" - 2.00/5
18] LEACH - "Hymns For The Hollow" - 2.00/5
17] SWALLOW THE SUN - "When A Shadow Is Forced Into The Light" - 2.00/5
16] HEARTSICK - "Sleep Cycles" - 2.07/5
15] CRYSTAL LAKE - "Helix" - 2.08/5
14] AS I LAY DYING - "Shaped By Fire" - 2.08/5
13] KILLSWITCH ENGAGE - "Atonement" - 2.09/5
12] FALLUJAH - "Undying Light" - 2.10/5
11] AFTERLIFE - "Breaking Point" - 2.10/5
10] THROUGH THE NOISE - "Dualism" - 2.11/5
09] KAAMOS WARRIORS - "Ikuisen Talven Sarastus" - 2.12/5
08] ABIGAIL WILLIAMS - "Walk Beyond The Dark" - 2.14/5
07] AMON AMARTH - "Berzerker" - 2.16/5
06] MEGADETH - "Warheads On Foreheads" - 2.20/5
05] SOILWORK - "Verkligheten" - 2.33/5
04] DEMON HUNTER - "War" - 2.40/5
03] CORRODED - "Bitter" - 2.41/5
02] ROTTING CHRIST - "The Heretics" - 2.41/5
​01] CHILDREN OF BODOM - "Hexed" - 2.45/5

20] RISKEE & THE RIDICULE - "Body Bag Your Scene" - 2.33/5
19] DEMON HUNTER - "Peace" - 2.40/5
18] THE DIRTY YOUTH - "Utopia" - 2.40/5
17] DREAMSTATE - "Primrose Path" - 2.40/5
16] THE WRAITH - "Gloom Ballet" - 2.41/5
15] NORTHLANE - "Alien" - 2.45/5
14] D-A-D - "A Prayer For The Loud" - 2.45/5
13] PAPA ROACH - "Who Do You Trust?" - 2.50/5
12] SUM 41 - "Order In Decline" - 2.50/5
11] IN FLAMES - "I, The Mask" - 2.50/5
10] WHILE SHE SLEEPS - "So What?" - 2.54/5
09] BAD RELIGION - "Age Of Unreason" - 2.57/5
08] LINDEMANN - "F & M" - 2.69/5
07] WEEZER - "Teal Album" - 2.75/5
06] MOTIONLESS IN WHITE - "Disguise" - 2.81/5
05] RAMMSTEIN - "Rammstein" - 2.90/5
04] YONAKA - "Don't Wait 'Til Tomorrow" - 3.00/5
03] LACUNA COIL - "Black Anima" - 3.18/5
02] THE 69 EYES - "West End" - 3.27/5
01] BLAQK AUDIO - "Only Things We Love" - 3.33/5

It’s a new day! Yes it is! Ok, alright, before I get issued with a cease and desist by WWE…no, Kofi Kingston isn’t about to come out with his New Day team-mates to bitch slap you with a tray of pancakes, but it does provide me with an ample segue into this next review; let’s talk about  FOREVER VENDETTA.

Kofi Kingston emerged as a bright up and coming talent in WWE through the mid to late 00’s, and though while a solid worker, he never truly reached the heady heights of being WWE Champion and never attained main event level status…that was until 2019 when he was finally given a well-deserved push and a fantastic WrestleMania ‘Moment’ on April 7th.

Forever Vendetta have (Albeit on a smaller scale) mirrored that to a degree. From as far back as 2008 you may have seen them share the stage with the likes of HARDCORE SUPERSTAR and LA GUNS, though while promising upstarts, the Swansea based quartet (Now consisting of guitarist Leigh Fuge, bassist Liam Alonzi, vocalist/guitarist Chris Tippett and drummer Gareth Hunt) always remained in that lower to mid-card status in the South Wales music scene. Recently however the Welsh rockers have returned after a brief hiatus with their long-awaited debut album “New Day Rising”…and all of a sudden my analogy makes sense. Will this give Forever Vendetta the push they need to hit the big time? Let’s find out…

The album opens up with “Unbreakable” and what we have is essentially a drawn out introductory piece. Purely instrumental; it flows through your speakers with a subtle mixture of emotions, blending a sense of sadness and, almost apathy…however that’s juxtaposed with a reassuring feeling of hope and defiance in the face of struggle. In just two minutes of soulful guitar playing they’ve already managed to convey a message of redemption; they’re back and shits about to go down. It’s wonderfully structured this, a strong start.

First track proper then, “Come Alive” immediately transitions into a deep, bass-heavy rumbling, before the band kick into gear with their blend of hard southern-inspired blues rock. The chorus carries with it a decent melody and the influence of bands such as BLACK STONE CHERRY is fairly clear here. The riffs are solid and the solo is both slick and impassioned…credit to them they’ve absolutely nailed the sound in regards to this genre. “Takin’ It Back” initially gives of a subtle nod to the likes of VELVET REVOLVER before falling into a similar song structure, though the solo is, again, enjoyable and the track overall is a touch grittier.

Elsewhere the likes of “Snake Oil Saviour” and “Not Your Hero” provide more of the same, enjoyable blues-based hard rock, with the band primarily sticking to their formula and knowing their strengths in delivering riff after riff, with well executed guitar play…but here we have to sadly point out the albums only real flaw; the vocals. Chris is clearly passionate about his craft, there’s no denying that and credit to him he’s giving this 110%, but there are too many occasions throughout this record where despite his efforts, he comes across as simply not capable of delivering the notes he’s aiming for. On “Easy Way Out” for example, his voice really isn’t powerful enough to stamp authority on the tracks chorus, as he comes across as strained, almost forced and it sadly sounds off…there’s something that just doesn’t click and it makes you wince truthfully. “Roll It On Back” gives off the impression it’s more of a demo with raw vocal recording, while “Don’t” comes across as a scrapped BON JOVI B-Side track.

Overall, instrumentally this album is undeniably superb, and kudos to the guys for their efforts here; this is some top-notch blues rock ‘n’ roll…it’s just a shame vocally things aren’t quite on par. They haven’t quite emulated Kofi Kingston's trajectory  just yet, but there’s a lot of potential for them to do so. It’s a new day, yes it is…but it’s more of a Monday morning than a Saturday morning if you catch my drift. [6]

Few things in this world entertain me more than the idea of terrifying little children. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t belong on a register before you all jump the gun here, (I have three names, none of which are Jimmy and/or Saville) but I’m talking about when kids get legitimately scared. You’ve all seen little YouTube videos or Vines etc., where kids get startled by something or, if a parent pranks them in scary mask or whatever, and they end up bursting out crying and running away in some sort of mild panic attack, squealing and screaming…that shits funny! Well today’s band takes a more philosophical look at that entire concept; let’s catch up with NIGHTMARES FROM THE DISCOTHEQUE.

Formerly going by the moniker of MASSIVE HORSE, I discovered the Cardiff based duo of Canz Rickman and Rick Schaple many moons ago when they supported firm favourites of mine ELECTRIC SIX at a show in the Welsh capital, and I’ve been an admirer ever since. Their penchant for comedic song writing based on social commentary is genuinely entertaining, and they’ve managed to get the balance between humour and musical integrity spot on. I often reference STEEL PANTHER in these situations, where the joke and gimmick has truly worn thin, but NFTD continue to be both inspired and creative.

Regardless of whichever name they go by however, they’ve proven in the past that they can mix horror and comedy very well indeed. Whether it’s the brilliantly catchy vampire parody “She Only Comes Out At Night”, or the sexually haunting “Phantom Pregnancy”, they do enjoy dabbling in the darker aspects of entertainment, and their new track backs that up wonderfully; “Real Things To Scare Your Children”. Yes their new Halloween track see’s the pair in character, cos-playing as ‘Robert Smyth’ and ‘Marilyn Maanson’ in brilliantly tongue-in-cheek fashion, as they take us on a tour of Marilyn’s Mansion in the accompanying music video, where we aren’t subject to the hauntings of ghosts and monsters, but real life adult problems such as taxes, declined credit card payments, running out of toilet paper and all manner of horrifying scenarios. If you appreciate a spot of dark humour and want to inject a little fun into this year’s Halloween party playlist, you can find the track on Apple Music, iTunes and Spotify, the links to which are on the NFTD Facebook profile, linked below. Check out the video, and leave a comment sharing what scares YOU…personally in a sense of twisted irony, I’m afraid of horses, so I’m glad they dropped the Massive Horse name, I mean, normal sized horses are bad enough! FUCK! THAT!