It’s weird, right? We’re at the arse end of 2022, and Covid still crops up in the conversation regarding bands plans and ideas. Typically, you’d find that bands were a bit lost, because tours were cancelled, so they’d push some extra exclusive merch to compensate, or …they’d work on a cheeky EP to tide fans over, or even just jump straight into writing their next album. But oh no, not LORDI...

The Finnish Eurovision favourites decided fuck it; following 2020’s “Killection”, they weren’t going to get to work on the next album, or even a double-album, no, that’s too uninspired; unoriginal and quite frankly boring. The band decided to work on a concept BOX-SET, of SEVEN consecutive new and original albums,  between 2021-2022 under the banner of “Lordiversity”.  

A modern, retroactive time-capsule, it spans multiple genres, eras and sounds, spanning decades, covering the growth and evolution in fashionable rock ’n’ roll, but with that beastly, Lordi twist. The question is; can a bunch of pantomime shock rockers pull off such a feat? Let’s find out, as we plough through these 78 tracks, wishing they could have settled for an EP... 

The series starts off with “Skelectric Dinosaur” and we find ourselves back in the late 1970’s, where rock music was at that initial turning point. That transition between the more innocent, formative rock ‘n’ roll, swing and more blues influenced styles, to what we now refer to separately as classic rock.  It opens up with “SCG Minus 7: The Arrival” and with its church organs, haunting wails and children's giggles, telling you that “Monsters are coming” …it’s quite the creepy introduction. This however leads us into disappointment, as we’re greeted with first track proper; “Day Off Of The Devil”.  

Musically absolutely fine for the style they are going for, imagine, KANSAS, or, ALICE COOPER or even BLUE OYSTER CULT, they’ve nailed that classic guitar tone and recording quality, credit to them, and it’s a decent, chilled out rock track, however the intro promised something a lot more sinister. The question is, how DOES the devil spend his days off? Is he there with a bowl of Coco Pops, sat on the couch in his pyjamas watching Disney+ on a Saturday morning? Who knows.... who cares...not me.  

“Starsign Spitfire” has a very slow, plodding pace to it, while it does have some decent backing vocal harmonies elevating the chorus. “The Tragedy Of Annie Mae” has a very DEEP PURPLE-esque bass-line fuelling the track and it rumbles along nicely. We do eventually finish album one off with “...And Beyond The Isle Was Mary”, and we get a quaint, piano-filled piece with rainy sound effects, resulting in a gentle closing number.  They nailed the sound of the era and have delivered well here overall; it’s not a bad start. 

Next up we have the album “Superflytrap” and we transition rather quickly from the origins of rock and early metal, into the bright lights of the discotheque. The intro piece, “SCG Minus 6: Delightful Pop-Ins" is totes cringe babes, with the porn parody content. Some bimbo taking in the pizza guy, and the pool guy, like some seedy classic blue-movie plot-segue, until the monster breaks in and there’s screaming and terror, and it’s all a bit shit. I pray Asylum don’t read this; their movies are bad enough as it is... 

The actual opening tracks “Macho Freak” and “Believe Me” are a bit better. It’s not always easy to recreate that nostalgic disco/club vibe musically with it coming out authentic, but credit to a band like Lordi, they’ve managed it. The funk-fuelled synths, alongside the twangy guitars, in this day and age remind me of DEREK BISHOP if you’re interested in modern disco, and to be fair, the band, despite their appearance, don’t sound cheesy doing this. “Bella From Hell” capitalises on some genuinely soulful backing vocals, while “Cast Out From Heaven” tries to be a genuine ballad, and, let's be honest, the vocals do NOT suit this approach. This is too jarring.  

Where do we go from here?  Album number three; “The Masterbeast From The Moon”, and we enter prog-rock territory. Inspired by the likes of PINK FLOYD etc, it’s a more ambitious piece but do a band like Lordi have the ability to pull this off? Let’s get one thing straight here, no... the answer is no. “Moonbeast” utilises an almost GHOST-like character instrumentally but that’s genuinely as good as it gets. The praise ends here. “Hurricane Of The Slain” highlights this point as, the piano rich, orchestrally led strings of the track are gorgeous, but the clash with the gruff vocals absolutely ruins things. It’s all well and good trying new things musically, but when the vocals are so often stagnant, it has a detrimental effect on the entire project. “Church Of The Succubus” at over 11 minutes fits better in the whole prog-rock aesthetic, but even that can’t save this record.  

What do we have next? “Abusement Park”, and I can’t lie to you, I do love a play on words; this title tickles me. It reminds me of JOHNNY KNOXVILLE in the film “Action Point”, but I digress. The title track absolutely reeks of classic heavy metal with the pacing, the key transitions, the style of percussion, it’s got a semi-MOTORHEAD vibe to it as well as the likes of W.A.S.P., almost power-metal in places, and it’s very up-tempo and energetic. It can be a bit cheesy with some incredibly cliched names like “Ghost Train” and “Rollercoaster”, but it’s to be expected. “Carousel” has some wonderfully emotive, smooth, sensual guitar playing that reek of the 80’s, while “Pinball Machine” harbours this strong AC/DC, or, JUDAS PRIEST level of vocal screeching.  

“Nasty, Wild & Naughty” harbours all of that overdone rock ’n’ roll sleaze lyrically, despite being a catchy piece of rock with all of the cowbell, before “Merry Blah Blah Blah” comes out of the blue as a Christmas single. The bells and choirs are there, the Santa references are there... but do you know what is also there? Me, making Ebeneezer Scrooge feel uncomfortable with my lack of festive spirit. Pull a cracker, the joke will be this song, I promise. I mean, WHY?! 

Next up we have “Humanimals” and we’ve reached our more, BON JOVI and AOR inspired tracks, and it shows. Opening track proper “Borderline” has a real, I guess, bon-jovial vibe to it (I’m sorry) with its light, up-beat synths and almost hushed percussion. The chorus houses some smoother gang vocals and its honestly quite the pleasant little track instrumentally. “Victims Of The Romance” utilises a more guitar driven approach in comparison but it reeks of that, all-too parodied hair-metal era. If you choose to picture Lordi with mullets in spandex, well, that challenging wank is on YOU my friend. “The Bullet Bites Back” stands out with its genuinely sleek guitar tones, and especially it’s solo, before we revisit “Like A Bee To The Honey”. A decent piece (Written by KISS) but, two years old, and practically becoming filler at this point.  

Our penultimate album, “Abracadaver” leans further into the emergence of what we now fondly refer to as modern metal, with that transitional period, from the mid to late 1980’s into the 1990’s. Ignoring the now tedious intro bit, we dive into “Devilium”, and we’re met with a bombardment of riffs, old-school thrash metal aesthetics and vocals that could make onions cry. The title-track isn’t much better truth be told. You CAN hear “Big-4” elements but the track does eventually descend into utter fret-wankery. “Beast Of Both Worlds” is arguably as good as it gets on this one, with it’s very SLAYER-esque chugging riff-work and rhythmic snarls. Done well enough but, beyond dated. 

Finally, then, and oh how glad I am knowing this (Excited for this one? Hell no, I’m just glad this is over with), we round things up with “Spooky Sextravaganza Spectacular” and that name alone reeks of ROB ZOMBIE. “Demon Supreme” utilises darker synths and a semi-industrial aesthetic to give the ol' Dragula a right good rear ending. It’s a touch repetitive but it’s got an energy to it and reminds me of POWERMAN 5000 in ways. “Lizzard Of Oz” houses more chugging riffs, with a strong electronic core sound, something which a more industrial metal unit might partake-in.  

“Skull And Bones (The Danger Zone)” repeats this seemingly Rob Zombie inspired instrumental direction, with it sounding aesthetically very similar. “Shake The Baby Silent” is top quality parenting advice it has to be said, Mr. Lordi collecting his dad of the year award over here, well done. Skip the bottle feed, jump straight to infanticide. It took seven albums but we do actually get our first actual stand-out highlight in the form of “Terror Extra-Terrestrial”. The intro spoils it a little bit, with its E.T parody segue, but we get a frankly quirky piece of synth-driven hard rock, and it’s honestly rather catchy. We ultimately finish up very ironically however, with the track “Anticlimax”...and I’m not even going to make any jokes here, the audio speaks for itself. After seven albums, completing this seventy-eight-track endurance test has to be rewarded in some aspect surely? Not in the slightest. 

Lordi tried something different here; they have to applauded for their creative ambition, that’s without question. What DOES need to be questioned though, is why the hell they couldn’t do seven concept EP’s instead of seven full bloody albums? They could have very easily cherry-picked specific highlights, and made a far more digestible, and more importantly, enjoyable listening experience. Seventy-eight tracks, allows for far, far too much filler, and truth be told, fodder. They managed to occasionally hit certain spots musically, and instrumentally to diversify these albums into their genre’s, which is the entire point OF “Lordiversity” as a concept, but vocally they just aren’t capable of really delivering; it’s very one-dimensional for the most part, and that grates over time.

In summary... Monstrous? Check. Mediocre? Also check. If concept albums are your thing, love anthologies and collecting box-sets, or simply are a die-hard Lordi fan, you'll likely enjoy this for what it is. If you specifically like a certain style or genre, feel free to sift through your own preferences accordingly, you MIGHT get something out of it, but, as a complete package, this is at a level of grandiosity Lordi really shouldn't be dabbling in. For me? This review is finally over...give me a hard rock hallelujah! [4]

What is there to say about 2020, that hasn't already been said? Within these reviews over the past nine months I've light-heartedly made reference to issues like Covid-19 and such, but let's not detract from the seriousness of the whole situation. As a calendar year, 2020 was one of the most difficult, frustrating, upsetting and confusing in recent history, and this isn't strictly down to Coronavirus...this time last year we were on the brink of World War 3! Politics has been a shambles, social injustice has been rife, the divide in both community spirit and the classes seemingly continues to grow, and generally speaking, the world is a complete mess. Luckily we've had music to keep us going, if not to keep us sane, and for that at least I am grateful. The images above showcase my personal highlights of 2020, grouped in categories covering pop, metal, EP's and general favourites, and it shows that, despite the state of the world, music flourishes. Music and the arts are SO important, as many of us learned during national lockdown, and we need to appreciate the people who dedicated their lives to creating that art SO much, because times like these prove we'd be lost without them. 

I mean, just looking at the cover art above, it's been as diverse a year as any. MILEY CYRUS embraced her inner rocker on her new album, having collaborated with the likes of BILLY IDOL and JOAN JETT. Groups like STEPS made an unexpected comeback showing they've still got it in an ever changing pop industry, as did MELANIE C. From a metal standpoint, PARADISE LOST prove they just get better with age, as they not only released one of the albums of their career, they also found themselves in the UK Top 40! Imagine that! Goth metal on Radio 1! It gives hope to newer acts like SOUTH OF SALEM who delivered a truly stunning debut album, and certify themselves as ones to watch for sure. There have also been plenty of superb EP's released over the past twelve months...especially VV. Ville Valo surprised everyone with his 3-track EP and HIM fans rejoiced at the new material, I for one certainly cannot wait to hear more from him. CHRISTINE AND THE QUEENS put emphasis on the art as their whole EP was turned into one big choreographed music video which was impressive, while I personally made some brilliant discoveries in the form of LUCIA & THE BEST BOYS and JACKIE. 

Finally then, my official albums of the year, and I was spoiled for choice to be fair. THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE always deliver, they never release a bad album and I'm looking forward to catching up with Chibi on the rescheduled tour dates. MARILYN MANSON dropped his best album in years much to my delight, having found his last couple a little bit boring (Sorry Mazza!), GREY DAZE tugged at the heartstrings with a touching tribute to the late Chester Bennington, releasing unheard material from his pre-LINKIN PARK days, reminding us all how much we'll miss such a talented, brilliant human being. NINJA SEX PARTY on the other hand proved they remain one of the funniest groups around with their bonkers writing style, comedic lyricism and story-telling and wholesome attitude. Yes, 2020 has been a bit of a mess to say the least, but we've still got music, and as fans of that music, we've still got one another, and as a community, we need to hold on to that. With that said, below, is my official GTGC Spotify playlist of 2020, with 40 hand-picked tracks spanning the above records, and it is dedicated to my very good friend Scot 'JD' Rees, who is sadly no longer with us in body, but will forever be with us in heart and spirit. Whether he had a Jack & Coke in his hand, or his guitar, he was always laughing at something, and his energy for enjoyment was infectious. I will miss you Scot, and this compilation is for you. X

OK so, back in May I debuted a new blog feature which I dubbed the "Unlucky Dip", where I take a break from reviewing full length albums and EP's, to give the singles a chance. It not only allows me to cover a wider variety of artists and genres in one swoop, but it reminds me of albums that will be coming out, and helps me clear more of my never ending barrage of emails. Last time around I was a little mean to one or two of the artists, but as I did point out, this feature IS a sort of cross between speed dating and a comedy roast. Luckily for these seven new artists I generally like all of the tracks I'm about to talk about, which is rare...unluckily for you however this may not be as much of an enjoyable read as the last one! Anyway, with that said, let's get into some music.

I'd like to kick things off with some genuine positivity and excitement. THE SOUNDS are one of the bands I can thank Bam Margera for getting me into way back in the day, and while I was happy to have them back with their EP "The Tales That We Tell" in 2017, we haven't had a full album from Maja and co in seven years!

"Safe And Sound" is the latest single, taken from the highly anticipated new album "Things We Do For Love", which drops June 12th. Originally planned for a May release but put back due to Covid-19, their blend of lightly electronic tinged indie rock 'n' roll sounds as distinct and fresh as ever here...I guess you could say they haven't missed a Tony the beat! I'm very much looking forward to this album and you can expect to find it in my end of year lists for sure.

This one was a submission from the people over at Pop Rush Music and as far as I can tell, this is a stand alone single, as there's been no mention to me of any releases to follow this up. The single in question; "Hunters & Wolves" is by an artist by the name of JORDAN LAKE. Not to be confused with the reservoir, Jordan was born in North Carolina and found his love for singing very early on.

At the age of 4 he became a church singer at his local parish and has had a passion for performing ever since. Now older and having relocated to the West coast, Jordan is writing mature, soulful and emotive pop music that in it's own ways bridges the likes of ADAM LAMBERT with RAG 'N' BONE MAN. Listen below and let me know what you think!

Well..this escalated quickly! GAEREA are a self-confessed cathartic black metal outfit from Portugal, and they were brought to my attention by the folk over at Season Of Mist. 

"Null" is the first track to be taken off their up-coming third album "Limbo" which is released on July 24th and if this track is anything to go by, the six-track 50-minute album is going to be one hell of a journey. There are European tour plans in place for the beginning of 2021, though they are scheduled to play a UK exclusive show in London on October 31st at the Nabucca, which you may want to keep an eye on if you're a fan of black and death metal, as it's part of the Subterranean Manifestation II line-up. Hopefully it goes ahead, and I'll say it again...fuck Covid-19.

This one is arguably the weakest of the seven tracks I'm going through today but that's purely on account the other 6 tracks, as this is still a fun little single and I'm actually not trying to be mean for once. 360 PHOENIX FLIP is the new (Albeit convoluted) moniker by which Mark Lovett now goes by.

Combining his love of skate-punk and artists such as NOFX and RUFIO, with his already experienced background in song production and EDM, he brings us his debut single "Pyromaniac" and the best way to describe it I believe would be, somewhere between OWL CITY and REGGIE & THE FULL EFFECT. Make of that what you will, but I like this and I look forward to what else he has in store. Maybe you'll find him in the new Tony Hawk remastered game soundtrack? At this time of writing I have no links to share with you, as the SoundCloud link was private...sorry.

Now this...this one is fucking bold. GHOST, who you may be familiar with as arguably the biggest rising metal / alternative rock band on the planet, helped cement their status with the song "Square Hammer" from the "Popestar" EP. BEFORE SUNDAY, are a London based duo who have only recently released their debut EP, yet here we find them covering Ghost...and the track isn't even a part of their EP!

Yes thanks to Angels PR, the duo have been in touch with label-mate Marianna from PROJECT RENEGADE and other talented musician friends, to collaborate on this lock-down cover. To be fair, instrumentally at least, they've done the song justice as it barely strays from the original in tone, it's quite a by numbers cover, but naturally they aren't replacing Tobias on vocals, so that's where they differ, although they've stayed true to the original video too in their own ways, taking limitations into account. It's a brave cover, but no real complaints for execution. 

In case you're wondering why there is no art work for this single, it's because the band didn't supply any jpeg files of the artwork. Plenty of photo's of the band, sure, but none of the artwork. The image included in their press kit isn't usable sadly as I was unable to separate and save it to file. Could I message them and ask for a jpeg of the image? I could, of course I could...but it's really not worth the effort.

Anyway, JULIPER SKY are an up-and-coming indie-pop outfit based out of Manchester, UK, and having already released their debut EP this year entitled "Visions Of A New Age", they continue to release separate singles. Opinions vary as to how effective and efficient this is from a marketing stand point...on one hand you can keep fresh content coming and keep up the exposure and relevance...on the other hand, and this is something I believe personally, is that it's annoying and I'd rather you just keep the material for the 2nd EP...let's be honest most of the tracks are going to end up on the debut album anyway, so many artists do it, and I just find it all pointless myself. I digress..."Afterglow" is the kind of light pop-based indie that might appeal to fans of BLOSSOMS for example. You'll have to take my word for it though as again, it comes out on June 26th, and I have no Bandcamp, Spotify or Youtube links to share with you. I might review the EP, give you a better idea.

Today then we finish up on this absolute gem, and another genuine bit of excitement. MUSHROOMHEAD have been going damn near thirty years now and having gone through a couple of line-up changes, they still have an incredibly prolific yet criminally underrated back catalog of albums. 

Having always faced criticism for being SLIPKNOT knock-offs, they never hit the heights they deserved to, but hopefully that will change on their upcoming new album "A Wonderful Life"; their first since 2014! The latest single promoting the album; "The Heresy" see's the real debut of new full time vocalist Ms. Jackie, as well a returning J Mann to bring some welcome nostalgia and heritage to their sound. The clean female vocals add a new dynamic which works really with their heavy, dystopian, underground progressive grunge metal style, and the political message of the single simply adds relevance. I cannot wait for this album, which comes out June 19th via Napalm Records.

So this review was not on my schedule…it wasn’t submitted to me as a request, nor was it generally even on my radar. Quite frankly I had absolutely no idea who the fuck these were, however, a good friend of mine Rob De Boer lovingly forwarded them to me. I’ve known Rob a few years now through mutual friends and a mutual love of HIM, and all things Jackass related, and the last time I saw him properly was when we saw CKY at Manchester. Fun night…Matt Deis got lost in the venue he was playing, and I think there was a stabbing…good gig though.

I digress…Rob has recently started up his own podcast called SETTING THE TONE, where he takes a moment to go over his thoughts and opinions of various new singles from up and coming artists, and generally discuss relevant topics in the music industry; openly sharing his views and is worthy of your support. He was sent this EP to check out and do a piece on, and wanted to know what I thought of them myself.  Now I don’t know Rob’s final thoughts on the artist, we’re a little different in our approach…but those of you who are regular readers can probably guess where this is going…

The band in question, are FIGHT THE TORNADO and I immediately hope their influences include Matt Hardy 1.0. Consisting of members Jonny Young on vocals and multi-instrumentation, and Lindzi North on vocals and…sanity maintenance? Both of whom were former members of the symphonic metal band CURSE OF DAWN (Part of me wonders if they were fired…harsh you say? Patience you must have my young Padawan) though we find them gearing up for the release of their debut EP “Maelstrom Of Thought” on June 26th. With that tornado in mind, are they going to blow us away or simply just suck? Let’s find out…

The EP begins with “Mercurial Inventions” and truth be told, the intro is actually promising…it’s got a light, bubbly electronic aura and sounds like it’s about to delve into some nostalgic synth pop…but without the slightest hint of transition we’re thrust into a barrage of progressive nu metal riffage and it’s like, where the actual fuck did this come from? You know that meme with the dog sat in a room on fire, stating that this is fine? This is the soundtrack to that image. It’s so off-kilter and jarring you can’t help but wonder if this really was intentional, and that’s before we even get to the vocals. Fleeting between snarling and angelic, though neither of them hit the mark; it’s like, I would have PERSONALLY paid for the use of autotune for you to save myself the grief of hearing this.

We follow this with EP highlight “Comfort Zone” and yes I actually said highlight there…we start off in a similar fashion combining pulsing electronica with metallic riffs but here it’s all blended noticeably better, as in, it’s actually blended. Vocally then, I want to point out that the snarls in ways remind me of NEW PROJECT and the aggressive aspects of this work, but when we get to the cleaner, melodic vocals it’s an actual dumpster fire. The chorus manages to hold a note, an albeit incredibly flat and lifeless one, but that is an achievement, trust me. The same issues arise during “Sensory Deprivation” and the title is more than fitting as I would sooner be deprived of my own sense of hearing than deal with this. How bad can this unconventionally tuned singing be I hear you ask? Well…here are just SOME ways to categorise this; a mute yodeller with a sore throat,  a wok full of spoons falling down the up-escalator like some painfully cacophonous slinky, the shared harmony of two stray cats shagging in the back lane. Not convinced? How about Wes Scantlin covering NIRVANA?

Sadly my friends, we aren’t done…the title track is an instrumental that to its credit, delivers conceptually, I’ll give it that. It goes from progressive rock and metal riffs, including a decent solo with more subtle synth work…before we introduce PAN PIPES out of nowhere, only to be followed up with alternating death metal blast beats and ambient reggaeton. I honestly can’t say ‘what the ever loving fuck’, with the adequate level of conviction here…seriously that was like a non-invasive lobotomy. If that wasn’t enough, “Atlas” kicks in with some goddamn BTEC “Tubular Bells” and I’m like, nope. I’m done. I’m out. Fight The Tornado? I would sooner gamble my genitals in a Dyson V10 Cyclone…and I can guarantee my cries of pain would hold better notes.  [2]

I get A LOT of emails, not as many as big publications obviously, but for me, I get a lot, and I literally can’t keep up with them all. This means I either take virtually forever getting around to some reviews, resulting in the peak promotion period usually having been and gone, for that I do apologise. Sometimes I forget about submissions entirely, for which I also apologise, and a lot of the time, I’m sent singles. Now, this blog has been running since 2014 and 99% of the content here, bar the odd rare article, is comprised of EP and album reviews. I’ve nothing against the humble single, I miss the days of picking up CD singles in Woolworths wondering what B-Sides you’d be treated to…but writing a full review for just A single is something I’ve always personally deemed a bit of a ball ache.

Going forward, I am going to try to, once a week (The key word being try here, I’m making no promises) present a general collection of single submissions from my inbox in one article, to try and ensure I don’t miss out on potential gems, and more importantly, to also clear some space in my inbox (At this time of writing I have around 650 unread emails…LOL). With that in mind, here are seven randomly selected tracks that I have been sent, that I would like to share with you, in the first GTGC Unlucky Dip; the result of combining Speed Dating with the heartfelt Comedy Roast.

We're going to kick this feature off with a 4-piece from London by the name of HEAVYMAN. Comprising of vocalist/guitarist Charlie Yang, drummer Tom Papaloizou (I'm pretty sure he was in "The League Of Gentlemen"?) bassist Igor Fonseca and lead guitarist Nick Burns, they recently got in touch, stating that were fans of the blog and were themselves fueled by alcohol and sarcasm, asking me to check out their debut single "Baby Jean". How could I possible refuse?

Initially sounding like something you'd hear from early TURBONEGRO, it soon transitions into a more methodical, groove-rich slow jam of a southern blues rock effort. It covers all the bases with some slick guitar work and vocal swagger for some textbook classic blues rock. With more tracks scheduled to be released over the coming months, these are ones to watch.

"Now this is a story all about how my life got, at most, mildly inconvenienced, but I'd like to take a minute just to share this my friend, and talk about this new single by The Fresh Prince Of Bellend".

You know all the meme's with "Now listen here you little shit..."? Well that's essentially me right now with RORY K. A native of downtown Manhattan, New York, Rory was born into a musical family, with his dad having been in the late 80's socio-political rock group BLACK 47. So imagine his dad's disappointment to see Rory here peddling some of the most uninspired, cringe-worthy rap/hip-hop an eleventeen-year-old would perform, on the track "Heat Thru Your Body"...I bet he finds vanilla spicy.

From the intro that sounds like seagulls having a stroke, to the combination of abysmal lyrics and self-indulgent vocals...and the embarrassing video, it's just...no. The bit where Rory is, (I'll use this term loosely) "performing" in front of some street graffiti, why are you holding a mic? You look like an absolute tit mate. And you emailed me three times for this? Assuming I hadn't replied because I couldn't stop dancing to the track? I would sooner invite my enemies to dance upon my grave than dance to this myself. And it's through*...for the record. I'm beginning to regret this new feature already...

I honestly don't know why I get sent this stuff...I'm not against rap and however many hip-hop subcultures there actually are, but it is SO rare I find any that I genuinely like. I can appreciate a flow, or a beat, sure, but there is too much recycled rap out there full of cliches about money, bitches, drugs and ho's and quite frankly I don't care about any of it.

"Twerk It Out" is the new track from Cleveland Ohio based hio-hop veteran DEEJAY CENTIPEDE, who has been spinning records since the 80's, and it features Sonny Vajra and Tee Hova...which...means absolutely nothing to me. It's got a certain 90's vibe going on which I guess you could describe as "fresh", with some soft synths poorly underlying some genuinely irritating clapping percussion. A lot of autotune going on in the vocals, and I can't lie, outside of this blog, I wouldn't listen to this...I'd rather be in the middle of a Human Centipede truth be told, but that's just me. As of now I'm outlawing Twerking on GTGC. 

Austrian psychedelic rock trio MOTHER'S CAKE (Consisting of lead vocalist/guitarist Yves Krismer, bassist Benedikt Trenkwalder and drummer/backing vocalist Jan Haussels) are set to release their new album sometime in the Autumn of 2020, and tease interesting things to come with their latest single "Toxic Brother".

The onslaught of fuzzy guitars and echoed vocals, delivered among a frenetic, up-tempo barrage of stoner sludge-punk is as fun as it is exciting; the energy is real here and it'll easily appeal to fans of say, EXIT_INTERNATIONAL. The gradual fade-out of the track counters the increasing levels of insanity as you can hear the mental breakdown as it happens...this is a solid track.

Returning to the UK now and more specifically; Hull, and we have a four-piece hardcore punk outfit by the name of SMILING ASSASSIN. Consisting of vocalist George Garnett, drummer Robbie Johnson, guitarist Josh Rogerson and bassist Casey Stead, they were forwarded to me by the wonderful folk over at Rage PR.

The new socio-political single "National Pride" is taken off the forthcoming album "Plight Of The Millennial" which is penciled for release on May 31st, and it combines all the vitriolic aggression of hardcore punk with the instrumental impatience of trash metal, easily taking influence from the likes of THE EXPLOITED or MUNICIPAL WASTE. It's an intense listen and suggests that the new album is going to be an absolute scorcher.

Now I'll start off by saying this...on initial listen, it's not as annoying as "Despacito"...but I'm not ruling it out overtime. It's another one of this Latino-inspired R'n'B/rap offerings that's meant to sound all smooth and sexy in the club, but I'd rather just sit in the corner with a warm bottle of Bacardi squeezing fresh lime directly into my eyeballs. 

L.D.N's contribution is fine and his rapping isn't bad, probably the most enjoyable aspect of this track in all fairness, but that doesn't really say much. Also, Mi Carino means My Sweety...creepy much. Your Nan singing this is she mate? Bomboclaat don't say shit like sweety fam ya get me? Real talk blud. I just lost the plot, literally watched it run off...

We round off this selection of tracks by coming full circle back to London, to find CALLING ALL ASTRONAUTS an their newest single "Welcome To The Black Bloc". The trio (Consisting of vocalist/programmer David B, guitarist JJ and bassist Paul "Buzzsaw McCrudden) mix elements of punk rock attitude and an electronic, almost light industrial tone for their sound, bridging the likes of PITCHSHIFTER, MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE and MINISTRY for a no-nonsense blast of socio-political neo-dystopian noise.

The single is officially released on May 29th, with the new album, entitled "#Resist" dropping shortly after on June 5th, via Supersonic Media which I'm sure is going to an incredibly charged listen.

Some of you may be thinking, Gav…how many reviews can you shoehorn references to Covid-19 into? Well…my friend, as it happens, as many as I want. You see while a lot of you are crying over 2020 festival season being buggered into next year, I’ve got my own agenda. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy festival experiences, but I am instead honestly quite reclusive, so one of the things I personally look forward to every year is the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST.

Long-time readers will know I usually cover the show in some way shape or form, be it a run-down of finalists, covering past winner’s releases, or even just live-Tweeting the event…this year, I can’t enjoy this. This year I couldn’t look forward to sitting in front of my TV on the rare occasion I do, to watch Graham Norton sarcastically bury a plethora of countries. This year I couldn’t respectfully raise a glass of Bailey’s to Sir Terry Wogan during song 9, (Who am I kidding it’s a bottle of Jack). This year I couldn’t even get annoyed by the very political voting system I expect each and every fucking year as if it’s some shocking conspiracy. Covid-19 brought an end to all of that…and for that…I despise you, even though you’ve given me two months off work paid. 1st world problems, yes, but still. Alas…what I CAN do at least is channel my inner Jim Bowen, and have a look at who could have won, as Eurovision still at least released the 41-track CD of each countries entry. With that said…Good Evening Rotterdam! Open up, and let’s shine a light on the performers to see who gets 12 points….

​I’m going to preface this by stating that no I am NOT going to be analysing every one of the 41 entries as frankly I don’t even think lockdown is long enough for me to do that, but I will mull over my personal highlights, and as usual, the Eurovision double-album does things alphabetically, so we start with Albania. Their entry is “Fall From The Sky”, performed by ARILENA ARA and it’s one of two primary Eurovision tropes…heartfelt ballad, or fucking bonkers. This one falls into ballad category and as an opening track it’s a fairly safe one. The light piano allowing Arilena’s emotive, powerful vocals to really shine and there’s a dramatic intensity to this performance; a wonderful start. If you enjoyed that ballad however, hold on to that thought because you’re going to get sick of them over the next say, I don’t know… album? 

Armenia’s entry “Chains On You” by ATHENA MANOUKAIN tries to modernise things with some middle-eastern inspired trap and mumble rap…as far as the genre goes it’s fine, it’s the kind of thing you’d find Charlie Sloth spinning, but it’s not for me. Australia are still participating even though their initial anniversary guest spot was a few years ago now, and their entry “Don’t Break Me”, performed by MONTAIGNE is…another pop ballad. Granted the modern production and bold yet husky vocals find her somewhere between say, DUA LIPA and SIA in some ways, and it’s not bad. Onion Bhaji are up next…sorry, no, Azerbaijan are up next with “Cleopatra” performed by EFENDI and we get more middle-eastern / Egyptian musical influence, before leading into more Western pop stylistics…up until the part where they start summoning demons and shit…honestly that’s what it sounds like. Seriously, I thought my desk was going to start floating or my eyeballs were going to bleed!

Let’s see what else we have here…Belgium’s entry “Release Me” by HOOVERPHONIC in its own ways sounds like a BTEC version of BILLIE EILISH doing a Bond Theme…that’s the best and only way of describing that, you’re going to have to get way off of my back about that one. Skipping ahead now but keeping a colour scheme it’s Germany who have the next real highlight with the track “Violent Thing” by BEN DOLIC. Sadly the track is about as violent as two kittens having a pillow fight…I was expecting this year’s rock entry or something but we get another up-tempo pop offering. It’s got some brass elements and a bit of funk, and an impressive high note, resulting in quite a catchy little track, but it’s not what I was hoping for. Speaking of getting my hopes up, I ALWAYS look for Finland’s entry since LORDI won it in 2006, and this year, their entry “Looking Back” by AKSEL was…meh. It’s a pleasant indie-pop piece with ample melody, nothing like Lordi, or even SAARA AALTO from 2018; disappointing this one I’m afraid, you let me down Finland.

Next up, we have the United Kingdom…and as a Welshman, you might think I’m going to be biased here, that I’m going to sing praises to our entry as if they’re God’s gift to mainstream music…well I can assure you, that you are wrong. JAMES NEWMAN is our entry for this year with the track “My Last Breath” and I would sooner give up my last breath than have this song win the competition, despite it making things logistically easier for me to attend in 2021. Another copy and paste type of emotional male-led pop song akin to anyone from JAMES ARTHUR or SAM SMITH or any generic bollocks like that…it’s just so bloody boring! Georgia on the other hand, do somewhat peak my interest…”Take Me As I Am” by TORNIKE KIPIANI is, admittedly, lyrically fucking awful, let me make that clear, but the deep, electronic tinged moody indie tones easily mirror the styles and sounds of say, IMAGINE DRAGONS or AWOLATION etc, and this is arguably as dark as things get this year.

Skipping eagerly ahead now as we’re still only about half way here, we get Ireland and honestly…this would have been a contender for the competitions winner to break their own record, securing eight competition victories. “Story Of My Life” by LESLEY ROY gives off some serious KATY PERRY vibes…it’s a bouncy, light-hearted absolute banger of a pop anthem. Sure there’s repetition, a little instrumental monotony and some childish qualities but this is the kind of track you’d understand being all over commercial radio this Summer time…never mind the political voting, Covid-19 potentially robbed Ireland of this year’s win! Do they have any contenders however? Why in fact yes they do, and there is some STRONG competition from Iceland, and who some may say are favourites to win; DAðI FREYR with the song “Think About Things”. A synth-rich, full on disco-funk driven indie track…it is so simple in execution with the most basic of hooks, so much groove in so little effort, this is superb.

Jumping forward then we have THE ROOP with their entry “On Fire” for Lithuania…and it’s another basic pop track with pulsing electronic elements, dance-pop qualities with all of the synth laden hooks, it’s not as good as past winners such as MÅNS ZELMERLÖW for example but it’s along the same vein and personally I enjoy this, it’s arguably my favourite, despite some questionable vocals in places…and the video is as stated above; fucking bonkers. The rest of the album sadly doesn’t really throw up many particular highlights or memorable tracks, other than “Uno” by LITTLE BIG representing Russia. The “Skibidi” outfit had my attention going into the competition don’t get me wrong, but they’ve done better. Granted they’ve likely been heavily censored but still! SKIBIDI WA-PA-POW! The video does make me laugh mind…it’s all in the knees fam.

Romania come in with the track “Alcohol You” and I thought I was being offered a pint in broken English to be honest, so imagine my disappointment when ROXEN starts warbling her moody, sultry vocals…a slow, albeit grandiose track , though KORPIKLAANI drink better to be fair. Serbia rock up then with “Hasta La Vista” and the name alone has me hooked…have HURRICANE been sent from the future by Sky Net to secure Eurovision victory? In short…no…imagine someone installed LimeWire on the T-800 and the sheer amount of internet aids rendered it out of order. I’ll be very surprised if you’ll be back. Eventually then, and finally, we find ourselves at Ukraine, listening to “Solovey” by GO_A, and luckily, we conclude the album on an unorthodox yet enjoyable note. The traditional native tones of the vocal performance and woodwind elements coupled with a solid dance-pop aesthetic allow for a genuinely soothing and fun listen…I mean I haven’t got a fucking clue what they are saying but I like it!

After all of that, it really is heart-breaking to know that, given Eurovision’s six-decade legacy and tradition, none of the above entries will be able to represent their respective nations and try to put themselves in the history books. Granted some of these songs work better as a stage performance with character and gimmicks as opposed to straight up audio content, but that doesn’t detract what would have been an entertaining evening of live entertainment and multicultural acceptance of diversity. I know I rant and roast but I honestly enjoy the Eurovision Song Contest…I look forward to it every year, and hopefully it comes back all guns blazing in 2021. Where…who knows…no country has ever done two in a row from winning, so will Holland get to host again on a technicality? We can only wait and see…until then, Europe, you’re a beautiful bunch of bastards, for the record, I didn’t vote for Brexit I voted remain…and as far as Covid-19 goes…nil pois.

If you cast your mind back to 1992, you may remember Sega as one of the biggest, most influential names in home gaming consoles…Playstation wasn’t even a thing yet, so while Nintendo of course had Mario, Zelda and Metroid, their biggest competition came from the likes of Sonic, Alex Kidd and other, obscure and forgotten characters. One such unlikely hero, would have his own pretty successful series of games, where he would complete underwater puzzles, communicate with marine life, use cunning to eventually travel through time to rescue his loved ones by defeating aliens…was this some sort of, early Aquaman game?! Actually no, I’m talking about a fucking dolphin; Ecco The Dolphin, to be precise…

If you remember Ecco you’ll likely remember the games difficulty, comprising of underwater mazes, and the limited oxygen supply which was realistic for the time, but it also had some stunning 16-bit graphics and a wonderfully composed soundtrack of ambient, retro synth-wave and light electronica, perfectly encapsulating the cool, underwater atmosphere…well as it happens, if you take the core elements of that mood and aesthetic, add some percussion and a little attitude, oh, and make the dolphin wear eyeliner, you may as well have today’s artist; EKKO THE STRANGE. (I really need to calm down on these segue’s, fucking hell)

Ekko The Strange was formed very recently in and around Warsaw, Poland, by C Bock Vermeer, who had previously done a 10-year stint in American post-rock outfit REVOLT REVOLT. Wanting to escape these trappings, he traveled the world looking for inspiration before eventually settling in the Polish capital to complete the brand new mini album “Haunting Me”, courtesy of Hi-Fi Mantra Records. At only eight tracks long with a half an hour run-time, it’s a brief blast from the post-punk past. Ecco was a difficult game…so let’s see if Ekko is a difficult listen.

We open up with “Noc Shift” and it sets the tone for the record as well as sets your expectations low from very early on quite sadly. Yes it has some deep, fuzzy electronica that gives off this pulsing, almost hypnotic vibe, but it’s as monotonous as it is deep, with very little of any interest happening over its run time. Given its simplicity, and the repetitive loop that it’s on, I’d say at best this could be one of those pre-set practice pieces that come built into keyboards (True story, I have a Yamaha keytar that has “Last Christmas” by WHAM built in that I enjoy more than this), I can’t see any other practical use for this track. “Soft Decay” then improves so much with the mere presence of vocals and the sound takes on a whole new direction. There’s a darkness to the track that channels the likes of BAUHAUS and JOY DIVISION in an eerie, simplistic, indie approach , allowing for ample atmosphere, sounding like it’s been plucked straight out of the early 80’s, and this works well.

Continuing in this vein is “Transylvania Found Me” and it harbours those same despondent musical influences; maintaining its steady, cold electronic rhythm  while also incorporating a certain, retro-futuristic vibe akin to say, ALIEN SEX FIEND, combining the past with the future for a synthetic mind-fuck. “Mutante” despite its instrumental nature provides the albums only other highlight, sounding like it’s crept right out of a horror movie soundtrack, with its hollow, chilling keys and atmospheric delivery…you can picture the black & white b-movie now; you’re being stalked by the creature, the alien life form, he gonna eat yo’ ass! This is what’s playing in the background. Other than that, the album fails to inspire…

The few tracks left, are fairly monotonous…”Future Mirrors”  despite some almost, Arabian instrumentation fails to inspire despite the cultural appropriation,  while closing track “Ekkos Of A Dead World” is literally depressing. Remember the bit from Monty Python’s Holy Grail where they cry ‘bring out your dead?’ Imagine that with no humour…just pile on the corpses that died of boredom because of this track. Musically, this is the Covid-19 equivalent of counting cadavers only less entertaining. Is there an audience for this? Possibly there is…but with a death toll already in the thousands, we don’t need to add suicide to those statistics. Forget haunting me, I’ma call Zak Bagan to exorcise this record…it’s reached its final destination; hell. [3]

This isn’t a review as such…but more of a call to arms if you will. Now, while I’ve touched on the current Coronavirus pandemic in recent reviews in a predominantly light-hearted manner, or at least trying to make light of the situation to maybe try to boost morale, it is in so many aspects in fact, a VERY serious situation. Businesses are shutting down, people are losing their jobs, people are losing their means to support their families, hell; people are fucking DYING! In such a time of need for many in an age of advanced communication and technology, some of us have never felt so far apart and, given the unprecedented nature of this global pandemic, it’s a hard realisation.

While the government (Here in the UK at least) is doing what it can to help certain businesses cover expenses while the country is on lock down, not everyone is fortunate enough to benefit from such subsidies and this is where both you and your local music venues come in. Small and independent venues have had a hard enough time over the last couple of years as it is, with several having to close doors up and down the country for financial reasons, or for dodgy housing development projects etc, so the last thing they need is a forced closure due to some Asian-ass virus because some dude in China did an Ozzy Osbourne with an infected bat.

I can’t say with certainty that your local venue is doing the same right now (Though if they are I urge you to support in any which way you can) but FUEL ROCK CLUB in Cardiff is one of the clubs that would be incredibly grateful for your support.  The award winning bar/venue situated in Womanby Street in the Welsh capital naturally relies on its punters and gig goers to pay the bills and the wages…but under forced closure, they face difficult times. Luckily, while we may not be currently able to attend the club in person, we can still help and support the club during this testing time, thanks to a new compilation album.

XIII PROMOTIONS based out of Cardiff have reached out to 30 bands and artists who have played, performed or promoted at the club, to piece together a 30-track compilation entitled “Rock Down: A Fuel Rock Club Benefit Compilation”. Available on Bandcamp as a digital download for £7.50, all proceeds raised will go towards ensuring the club doesn’t fall onto harder times that it’s already been put under, by contributing to venue upkeep etc while they have no custom. It’s a hell of an eclectic compilation, ranging from black and death metal, to punk, post-rock, blues, funk and even electronica, showcasing a plethora of genres represented by multiple scenes, who all support Fuel.  The link to Fuel’s Facebook is below, so if you can, go and buy some Fuel merch through their official channels, and the bandcamp link is also included. My personal favourites include tracks by GLASS HEART and BONDAGE FAIRIES…but there’s literally something for everyone here. Go check it out, it’s for a wholesome cause.

LESLEY GORE once famously sang the now immortal words “It’s My Party And I’ll Cry If I Want To”…and the way 2020 is going so far, a lot of us have related in some way. We hardly got chance to celebrate the new year really; we had the insane and catastrophic Australian bush fires kicking the year off, the UK was battered by some of the worst storms in years resulting in some horrendous Welsh flooding, not to mention the on-going fiasco that is Covid-19! It’s only fucking March! Honestly I would not be surprised if April brought with it an alien invasion!

All of this has naturally disrupted the lives of millions over the last three months, especially the pandemic, and as I mentioned in my recent ALKALINE TRIO review the music industry has taken a hit…but what about us every day folk? Everything is either on hold or has been scrapped, with employment being frozen and the government suggesting we all isolate, a lot of plans have gone nipples north. Just this weekend me and some friends were meant to be getting biblically drunk in Bristol for my good friend Izzy’s birthday celebrations, but Corona sadly put a stop to that. I don’t know what’d be worse to be honest…catching Corona or the state of my liver when we finally get to catch up!

There are millions in the same boat however, and frankly we have A LOT of overdue birthday bashes to catch up on. Luckily, thanks to Metropolis Records, today’s ironically named band helped us celebrate while stuck in lock down; THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE. The Canadian synth-goth veterans were forced to release their latest album “Diamonds” early as businesses closed up for the Coronavirus lock down…resulting in them in their own way, giving us an early birthday present. At only 9 tracks long it’s one of their shorter offerings, but remember; it’s not the size of the present, it’s the thought behind it that counts…so let’s check it out.

The album opens up with “Enter” and we’re immediately met with some light keys that give off an innocent, 80’s pop vibe as we transition into the main beat and rhythm of the track. The simplicity of the instrumentation allowing Chibi’s sweet vocals to take center stage and it really is a blissful little number. The chorus brings with it more guitar and they blend more of their grittier style into the retro-synth sound and this is classic Birthday Massacre; simple, catchy and repeatable…a superb start. We follow this with promotional single “The Sky Will Turn” and we slow the tempo right down to more of a brooding, colder synth style, allowing for the darker aspects of the band’s sound to shine through like the full moon in a murky night sky…beautiful but chilling and quite awe-inspiring.

This continues through the title track “Diamonds” as well as cuts like “Crush” which use the down-tempo delivery to great effect, building up atmosphere and mood, channelling their gothic influences wonderfully, balancing subtle vocal and synth hooks with a darker, dispirited tone. Tracks like these prove The Birthday Massacre really are like diamonds themselves… oh so precious, but to many sadly they remain hidden gems. What this album IS lacking is some of their past, anthemic-style darkwave floor-fillers such as “One Promise” and “Walking With Strangers”, and the nearest we get to that here really is “Run”. Utilizing an almost DEPECHE MODE sense of deep melody, it flows delicately through each verse before kicking in with a grittier, guitar driven chorus.

Depeche Mode aren’t the only sounds you can pick up on either…during “Flashback” some of the guitar tones resemble the likes of ORGY in their futuristic, synthetic delivery, while “The Last Goodbye” harbours more of an accessible electronic-pop sound you may get from the likes of PET SHOP BOYS, before we round things off with closing track “Parallel World”; the calming synth ballad creating a dreamscape so apropos to its title, your mind wandering as Chibi serenades on.  

The Birthday Massacre never try to reinvent the wheel and this is what makes them so consistently good; they have their distinct style and they own it. They’ve proven time and time again that you don’t fix what isn’t broken, and “Diamonds”, arguably one of the strongest albums of their career to date, proves that. These are uncertain, often worrying times, but Chibi and co are themselves the diamonds in the rough here, but if we’re stuck at home in quarantine and isolation, you couldn’t ask for better company. Our own birthday’s may have been massacred, but the sky WILL turn, we just have to ride this out together.  [9]

If you cast your mind back to this past December, you may (Or may not) remember some of the albums I listed in my 2019 Top 20’s…some of which I reviewed here, others I may have reviewed for the likes of All About The Rock or, Astral Noize…but others I didn’t review at all. To be more specific, as well as my usual lists covering rock/metal, EP’s and my overall favourites, I’m always sure to cover my Top 20 Pop albums. I don’t really (Or at least very often) review pop music here, but I will listen to a lot of pop and keep track of what’s new as best I can. This brings us my number one pop album of 2019; “The Light” by SCANDROID, which ties in nicely with today’s review.

I’ve mentioned Scandroid, as well as Klayton’s other projects here on numerous occasions, as I’ve been lucky enough to have regular submissions from his record label FiXT, but while I very much enjoyed his most recent retro-pop endeavours, I haven’t showcased the label in some time now…but that’s about to change. Let me introduce you to 3FORCE. 3Force are an electronic/retrowave trio from St. Petersburg, Russia, and are one of a growing number of artists on the FiXT / FiXT Neon roster. Consisting of members Dmitry Gancher, Aleksey Ruin and Andrey Eyescream, they recently released their latest collection of tracks via the new album “Divide & Collide”. I’m just glad their name is in English…because fuck trying to pronounce три силы! Let’s check them out.

The album opens up with “Shape Shifter” and given the genre I’m immediately envisioning were-folk throwing down absurd shapes on a blinding neon dance floor, a la An American Werewolf In Paris. I digress; the track itself is a purely instrumental one…initially a slow starter, it gradually builds atmospheric synths not unlike the Stranger Things title screen, but soon comes to life; rich in pulsing electronica and regimented percussion…the 80’s aesthetic oozes from each and every keyboard note. A fine piece of music but no more than a glorified intro track ultimately…not that it stops Lycans shaking booty though.

Next up we have the first of the albums collaborations and it comes courtesy of Robin Adams on the track “Uprising”. The UK-based musician/vocalist provides a slightly rockier vibe to an otherwise GLITCH MOB sounding piece of electro/alt.-pop, but it works very well. It houses certain funk elements in places and the former CELLDWELLER collaborator allows the track to explore a plethora of avenues. Robin shows up again on “Guardian Angel” but here, musically at least it’s not as intense, his grating vocals giving the more subdued track its character. Fellow FiXT label-mates RAIZER join proceedings on the track “Lost & Found” and we’re given a lighter, more melodic mix, allowing for a more pop-based retro style…while Scandroid themselves get in on the action on the track “Abyss”. As distinct as the resulting sound is, and as enjoyable as it is…it suffers with a pretty repetitive and unimaginative chorus that brings an otherwise enjoyable track down.

Surprisingly though, a lot of the albums highlights do come courtesy of instrumental offerings which speaks volumes of the quality of sound 3Force have managed to recapture. “Future Frame” in particular perfectly bridging that gap between throwback techno and modern dance-pop, it’s like something Creamfields would belt out at 2am to a throng of ketamine fuelled cretins…in a good way,  while “Outcome Theory”, “Insect” and later on “Celestial Squad” reinforce the strength of the album as a whole. A lot of artists have been capitalising on this retro trend in recent years, riding a wave of nostalgia celebrating that throwback, 80’s aesthetic, and 3Force are no different, but they manage to retain a crisp, fresh sound as opposed to sounding recycled. That said FiXT have a solid track record with cherry picking quality electronic artists, and these Russians bolster an already impressive roster on the back of this album, which has more killer hooks than Ivan Drago. A recommended listen comrade… [7]