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Lordi - "Lordiversity" Box-Set

8/10/2022

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It’s weird, right? We’re at the arse end of 2022, and Covid still crops up in the conversation regarding bands plans and ideas. Typically, you’d find that bands were a bit lost, because tours were cancelled, so they’d push some extra exclusive merch to compensate, or …they’d work on a cheeky EP to tide fans over, or even just jump straight into writing their next album. But oh no, not LORDI...

The Finnish Eurovision favourites decided fuck it; following 2020’s “Killection”, they weren’t going to get to work on the next album, or even a double-album, no, that’s too uninspired; unoriginal and quite frankly boring. The band decided to work on a concept BOX-SET, of SEVEN consecutive new and original albums,  between 2021-2022 under the banner of “Lordiversity”.  

A modern, retroactive time-capsule, it spans multiple genres, eras and sounds, spanning decades, covering the growth and evolution in fashionable rock ’n’ roll, but with that beastly, Lordi twist. The question is; can a bunch of pantomime shock rockers pull off such a feat? Let’s find out, as we plough through these 78 tracks, wishing they could have settled for an EP... 

The series starts off with “Skelectric Dinosaur” and we find ourselves back in the late 1970’s, where rock music was at that initial turning point. That transition between the more innocent, formative rock ‘n’ roll, swing and more blues influenced styles, to what we now refer to separately as classic rock.  It opens up with “SCG Minus 7: The Arrival” and with its church organs, haunting wails and children's giggles, telling you that “Monsters are coming” …it’s quite the creepy introduction. This however leads us into disappointment, as we’re greeted with first track proper; “Day Off Of The Devil”.  

Musically absolutely fine for the style they are going for, imagine, KANSAS, or, ALICE COOPER or even BLUE OYSTER CULT, they’ve nailed that classic guitar tone and recording quality, credit to them, and it’s a decent, chilled out rock track, however the intro promised something a lot more sinister. The question is, how DOES the devil spend his days off? Is he there with a bowl of Coco Pops, sat on the couch in his pyjamas watching Disney+ on a Saturday morning? Who knows.... who cares...not me.  

“Starsign Spitfire” has a very slow, plodding pace to it, while it does have some decent backing vocal harmonies elevating the chorus. “The Tragedy Of Annie Mae” has a very DEEP PURPLE-esque bass-line fuelling the track and it rumbles along nicely. We do eventually finish album one off with “...And Beyond The Isle Was Mary”, and we get a quaint, piano-filled piece with rainy sound effects, resulting in a gentle closing number.  They nailed the sound of the era and have delivered well here overall; it’s not a bad start. 

Next up we have the album “Superflytrap” and we transition rather quickly from the origins of rock and early metal, into the bright lights of the discotheque. The intro piece, “SCG Minus 6: Delightful Pop-Ins" is totes cringe babes, with the porn parody content. Some bimbo taking in the pizza guy, and the pool guy, like some seedy classic blue-movie plot-segue, until the monster breaks in and there’s screaming and terror, and it’s all a bit shit. I pray Asylum don’t read this; their movies are bad enough as it is... 

The actual opening tracks “Macho Freak” and “Believe Me” are a bit better. It’s not always easy to recreate that nostalgic disco/club vibe musically with it coming out authentic, but credit to a band like Lordi, they’ve managed it. The funk-fuelled synths, alongside the twangy guitars, in this day and age remind me of DEREK BISHOP if you’re interested in modern disco, and to be fair, the band, despite their appearance, don’t sound cheesy doing this. “Bella From Hell” capitalises on some genuinely soulful backing vocals, while “Cast Out From Heaven” tries to be a genuine ballad, and, let's be honest, the vocals do NOT suit this approach. This is too jarring.  

Where do we go from here?  Album number three; “The Masterbeast From The Moon”, and we enter prog-rock territory. Inspired by the likes of PINK FLOYD etc, it’s a more ambitious piece but do a band like Lordi have the ability to pull this off? Let’s get one thing straight here, no... the answer is no. “Moonbeast” utilises an almost GHOST-like character instrumentally but that’s genuinely as good as it gets. The praise ends here. “Hurricane Of The Slain” highlights this point as, the piano rich, orchestrally led strings of the track are gorgeous, but the clash with the gruff vocals absolutely ruins things. It’s all well and good trying new things musically, but when the vocals are so often stagnant, it has a detrimental effect on the entire project. “Church Of The Succubus” at over 11 minutes fits better in the whole prog-rock aesthetic, but even that can’t save this record.  

What do we have next? “Abusement Park”, and I can’t lie to you, I do love a play on words; this title tickles me. It reminds me of JOHNNY KNOXVILLE in the film “Action Point”, but I digress. The title track absolutely reeks of classic heavy metal with the pacing, the key transitions, the style of percussion, it’s got a semi-MOTORHEAD vibe to it as well as the likes of W.A.S.P., almost power-metal in places, and it’s very up-tempo and energetic. It can be a bit cheesy with some incredibly cliched names like “Ghost Train” and “Rollercoaster”, but it’s to be expected. “Carousel” has some wonderfully emotive, smooth, sensual guitar playing that reek of the 80’s, while “Pinball Machine” harbours this strong AC/DC, or, JUDAS PRIEST level of vocal screeching.  

“Nasty, Wild & Naughty” harbours all of that overdone rock ’n’ roll sleaze lyrically, despite being a catchy piece of rock with all of the cowbell, before “Merry Blah Blah Blah” comes out of the blue as a Christmas single. The bells and choirs are there, the Santa references are there... but do you know what is also there? Me, making Ebeneezer Scrooge feel uncomfortable with my lack of festive spirit. Pull a cracker, the joke will be this song, I promise. I mean, WHY?! 

Next up we have “Humanimals” and we’ve reached our more, BON JOVI and AOR inspired tracks, and it shows. Opening track proper “Borderline” has a real, I guess, bon-jovial vibe to it (I’m sorry) with its light, up-beat synths and almost hushed percussion. The chorus houses some smoother gang vocals and its honestly quite the pleasant little track instrumentally. “Victims Of The Romance” utilises a more guitar driven approach in comparison but it reeks of that, all-too parodied hair-metal era. If you choose to picture Lordi with mullets in spandex, well, that challenging wank is on YOU my friend. “The Bullet Bites Back” stands out with its genuinely sleek guitar tones, and especially it’s solo, before we revisit “Like A Bee To The Honey”. A decent piece (Written by KISS) but, two years old, and practically becoming filler at this point.  

Our penultimate album, “Abracadaver” leans further into the emergence of what we now fondly refer to as modern metal, with that transitional period, from the mid to late 1980’s into the 1990’s. Ignoring the now tedious intro bit, we dive into “Devilium”, and we’re met with a bombardment of riffs, old-school thrash metal aesthetics and vocals that could make onions cry. The title-track isn’t much better truth be told. You CAN hear “Big-4” elements but the track does eventually descend into utter fret-wankery. “Beast Of Both Worlds” is arguably as good as it gets on this one, with it’s very SLAYER-esque chugging riff-work and rhythmic snarls. Done well enough but, beyond dated. 

Finally, then, and oh how glad I am knowing this (Excited for this one? Hell no, I’m just glad this is over with), we round things up with “Spooky Sextravaganza Spectacular” and that name alone reeks of ROB ZOMBIE. “Demon Supreme” utilises darker synths and a semi-industrial aesthetic to give the ol' Dragula a right good rear ending. It’s a touch repetitive but it’s got an energy to it and reminds me of POWERMAN 5000 in ways. “Lizzard Of Oz” houses more chugging riffs, with a strong electronic core sound, something which a more industrial metal unit might partake-in.  

“Skull And Bones (The Danger Zone)” repeats this seemingly Rob Zombie inspired instrumental direction, with it sounding aesthetically very similar. “Shake The Baby Silent” is top quality parenting advice it has to be said, Mr. Lordi collecting his dad of the year award over here, well done. Skip the bottle feed, jump straight to infanticide. It took seven albums but we do actually get our first actual stand-out highlight in the form of “Terror Extra-Terrestrial”. The intro spoils it a little bit, with its E.T parody segue, but we get a frankly quirky piece of synth-driven hard rock, and it’s honestly rather catchy. We ultimately finish up very ironically however, with the track “Anticlimax”...and I’m not even going to make any jokes here, the audio speaks for itself. After seven albums, completing this seventy-eight-track endurance test has to be rewarded in some aspect surely? Not in the slightest. 

Lordi tried something different here; they have to applauded for their creative ambition, that’s without question. What DOES need to be questioned though, is why the hell they couldn’t do seven concept EP’s instead of seven full bloody albums? They could have very easily cherry-picked specific highlights, and made a far more digestible, and more importantly, enjoyable listening experience. Seventy-eight tracks, allows for far, far too much filler, and truth be told, fodder. They managed to occasionally hit certain spots musically, and instrumentally to diversify these albums into their genre’s, which is the entire point OF “Lordiversity” as a concept, but vocally they just aren’t capable of really delivering; it’s very one-dimensional for the most part, and that grates over time.

In summary... Monstrous? Check. Mediocre? Also check. If concept albums are your thing, love anthologies and collecting box-sets, or simply are a die-hard Lordi fan, you'll likely enjoy this for what it is. If you specifically like a certain style or genre, feel free to sift through your own preferences accordingly, you MIGHT get something out of it, but, as a complete package, this is at a level of grandiosity Lordi really shouldn't be dabbling in. For me? This review is finally over...give me a hard rock hallelujah!
[4]
WWW.LORDI.FI
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Junksista - "Oxytocin High" EP

24/5/2022

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If you cast your mind back to February, you may remember I reviewed an EP by the name of “Fuck Your Pretty Face”, by German, alternative techno-pop duo JUNKSISTA. For the record I didn’t, nor haven’t; I can’t reach, but, that’s beside the point. Anyway, as stated in the review, there is history between both parties, as the rapport has always been tongue-in-cheek but, respectful. Whether vocalist Diana sends me new material with a sly smile; seeing if I’ll bite and accept the challenge, or, whether it’s me laughing at a ridiculous lyric or song title; it’s wholesome ribbing.  

While the EP in question had some meaning, within its own narrative at least, primarily the title track, plus a decent surprise courtesy of a random KISS cover, the EP lacked in the overall absurdity that I had familiarised myself with. This brings us to the here and now, and, merely three months later, the duo have returned with yet another brand-new EP entitled “Oxytocin High”. If previous releases are anything to go by, I could do with some drugs to get through this! With that being said, let’s dust off the old walk-man, pop in that cassette tape and hope we remember how to fucking work the damn thing... 

We kick things off with the title track, and it’s time to do a little googling; what actually IS oxytocin? Are we about to get off our tits on some, brain-melting, kaleidoscopic hallucinogens? I should be so lucky.
It’s actually a hormone produced in the hypothalamus, and known as the “love hormone”, it helps facilitate childbirth and aftercare. It plays a vital role in emotional bonding and, feeling a connection between people...allegedly. I think my brain is out of stock in that department. I digress, the track gets underway with some pulsing electronic notes, and some hushed, autotuned vocals, as Diana asks “Why can’t you be fucking happy?” ...and it’s a good question.
 


It’s a song about contentment; the idea of chasing a love, or, a bond you may never find; not satisfied, the grass being forever greener on every other side, and needing to realise the quick thrill of that, one moment of passion, lust and wanting, isn’t going to make you happy in the long run. You’ll forever be chasing your next fix, romantically and emotionally, eventually failing to feel satisfaction, and it wonderfully uses our desire for love, comfort, and togetherness as a flaw. It’s a deep song, but it’s balanced by an incredibly light, bubbly, retro synth-pop aesthetic that’s been plucked straight out of the 80’s with a modern dance vibe, and it works.
 


We follow this up with EP highlight “Aerobic” and while it tonally could easily match ERIC PRYDZ for dirty dance anthem sensuality, I went into this thinking exclusively of Douglas Reynholm conducting secretive sexy dance classes. All of the short-shorts and hip-thrusting going on with this one, getting a proper sweat on by here! The track itself is a lively, pulsing piece of electronica, with up-beat pop vibes aplenty and some clap-along percussion; it’s the kind of track you’d imagine the lad's sniffing ketamine to in Kooler’s in Merthyr Tydfil. I like this. 

Next up, we get “Whore On The Floor” and... it’s a little disappointing. On face value, you’d think KIM PETRAS has highjacked the track to continue her slut-pop revolution; dancing her knickers off, bleating her way around the club like the very throat goat she claims she is, but really, it’s a slow, anti-climactic track. The whore might be on the floor, but, she’s out for the count, and you just want to call her a taxi home. Poor girl’s been on her knees all day give her a rest! Other than some minimalist catchy synths, this is incredibly tame by comparison to the aforementioned and I hereby challenge Diana to lyrically out-slut Kim Petras. Maybe even a collaboration? Who knows? Fuck, that’s who...fuck knows.  

Last time around we highlighted their KISS cover; "I Was Made For Loving You", which genuinely suited them aesthetically, but here we have another cover to potentially appeal to a wider audience, and it comes in the form of SALT-N-PEPPA classic “Push It”. While it retains a lot of the tracks original 80’s quirkiness, it does come across as more of a medley or, a mash up, with original lyrics and snippets of THE KINKS thrown in for good measure, and to be perfectly honest, it’s better. It’s more of a substantial version, with less filler and it’s not like it’s been musically drawn-out needlessly. Credit where it’s due, they’ve got a knack for picking covers than work for them. The final track then is just a remix of the title track and it’s your typical, generic dance-inspired remix; nothing spectacular whatsoever and nothing worth mulling over. 

Overall, it appears that, while there are still subtle nods to some of that aforementioned absurdity,
Junksista are slowly but surely taking their ass off the whoopee cushion. Believe me when I say this; the band are maturing, but I don’t mean it in a patronising way, there is a genuine, evolution in the duo’s lyricism, and while they still have their little digs here and there, they aren’t over the top. Going forward, they are even more so now, situated to be at the forefront of a fresh generation of alternative synth-wave, and could easily keep the genre alive and kicking.
 


Previous efforts may not have contributed to the release of much oxytocin, I’ll level with you, but steadily, you can be a junkie for Junksista and not feel ashamed. Controlled doses, I guess? Perfect? No. Diana’s vocal delivery, with her spoken word, hushed tones, ARE niche, but they are delivering catchy tracks that will get them increasingly picked up at alt. Club nights across Europe, and I do believe there are bigger and better things to come. In the meantime, the club is now closed, and there is still a whore on the floor...I have hoovering to do...is she dead? [6]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/JUNKSISTA
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Kim Petras - "Slut Pop" EP

17/4/2022

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Now...I’m no prude (You should see my search history), BUT... Jesus Christ there is a time and a place for everything. I mean, you’d like to think so, but, where the fuck do I begin with this one? You’ll probably remember previous reviews on say, STEEL PANTHER, where the sexual innuendo and, cheeky lyricism started overshadowing what WAS originally meant to be like, a sort of parody homage to sleazy glam metal. What ended up happening was, they started becoming a bit reliant of the gimmick, the material became less funny and, the joke well and truly ran its course. THIS on the other hand, is like, Only Fans: The Official Soundtrack...this is “Slut Pop” by KIM PETRAS...and this is going to be painful... 

First off, who actually IS Kim Petras? Born in Cologne, Germany in 1992, Kim actually made headlines before she even became a recording artist, by being the youngest person in the world to undergo gender transition and sex reassignment surgery, aged just 16 in 2009. She’s since taken up music and already has a handful of records under her belt, viral single releases and notable growth including collaborations with CHARLI XCX and SOPHIE. Whatever your thoughts on her are, Kim clearly isn’t afraid to shy away from controversy, and that is beyond evident on this new EP here. With that being said, let’s slide into this EP’s DM’s and get to know it more intimately... 

We open up with the title-track and musically, first impressions we’re heading into some, DAFT PUNK inspired, electro-funk. It’s got basic percussion and a sort of, retro aesthetic with its bassy synths and it’s quite minimalistic. Lyrically however this track, and EP as a whole to be honest, is in the gutter. Lots of getting your dicks and tits out, Dad fucking, ass slapping...I mean, you do you but, Spotify is the last place I’d be looking for that sort of content. Moving on we have “Treat Me Like A Slut” and, well, if you insist...it transitions straight in to be fair with only minor tweaks to the keys and notes, while keeping in original tempo. Imagine like, going from missionary, to missionary with her legs over your shoulders. It’s the same, but different. There are elements of BRITNEY SPEARS’ influence here in some of the vocal delivery but for the most part she’s quite monotone. 

Keeping in with sudden transitions we have “XXX” and really speaking, little changes again. The chorus piece is very uninspired and repetitive to be fair, and when she says “I’m horny!” in that almost, childlike high-pitched squeal, it’s like, never to God! Really?! We honestly had no idea by this point. Can’t be dealing with all of these subtle hints and mixed signals. You need to be a bit more upfront with your intentions Kim...I’m not a mind reader! “Superpower Bitch” then houses more of that Charli XCX influence in tone and attitude, but pray tell, what IS your super power? Can you fly? Are you immortal? Can your vagina complete a Rubik’s cube? That last bit is actually closer to the truth than I’d appreciate...her power is that she can “make you cum”. Even Deadpool cringed at that one. 

This isn’t the last track on the record, but we’re going to have to wrap things up here, as I simply can’t handle any more of this. We have a track called “Throat Goat” and if the title doesn’t give away the plot to you here, bless you my sweet innocent child. Actually, scrap that, if you’re reading this there is nothing innocent about you whatsoever...I digress. Yes, as you can imagine, this song sucks on multiple levels, mostly below the waistline, as, it’s the most unashamed song about blow jobs I think I’ll EVER hear. That’s all there is to say on that...I’ll leave you experience this one for yourselves via the audio below.  

Overall, this one has been a challenge. Having known nothing about Kim Petras upon discovering this EP, I couldn’t process this. I had to delve. In the past, she’s released genuinely decent pop songs such as “Icy” and “Personal Hell” from the album “Clarity”, just for example, so where has this come from? Her stand-alone single “Coconuts” about her tits was one thing, but this is quite possibly the single horniest, thirstiest, sluttiest record I’ve ever heard...so...she’s succeeded?  

I can appreciate how unashamedly open she is sexually, but we’re not here to really judge that, I need to judge this EP and sadly, despite all of the lyrical content, the EP falls flat with its repetitive formula and uninspired instrumentation. Take away the in-your-face sexualised content, the shock value if you will, musically and tonally, this is a disappointingly boring listen. This is background music for the strip-club at best. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to take a cold shower...to cleanse myself of my sins you filthy cretins! [1] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/KIMPETRAS
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King Satan - "Occult Spiritual Anarchy"

10/4/2022

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2022 is a big year for monarchy; not only is Queen Elizabeth II celebrating her Platinum Jubilee (I honestly didn’t know Liz had shifted that many records to be fair, the National Anthem is doing BIG numbers fam!) but it also marks the return of KING SATAN. The Finns, based in Tampere, first caught my attention back in 2017 with their strikingly assertive debut “King Fucking Satan”, which viciously blended hints of blackened metal with an aggrotech vibe. They’ve recently gotten in touch again with their latest album “Occult Spiritual Anarchy” and asked me to check it out...sounds like a good time to me. 

Before we get to any music, I want to point out that the album title sounds like we’re about watch out-takes and bloopers from Zak Bagan's Ghost Adventures...it’s an energy I live for, and I hope the album lives up to this. Pass me a Ouija board, I want to roast a demon! I jest. We open up with “Left Hand Path Symphony” and it initially starts with an almost, punk-rock level of frenetic urgency, before we get more familiar electronic key notes, giving it a sort of, house of horrors vibe. This is up-beat and intense, especially as vocalist King Aleister Satan tears his way through the track with his throat scorching scowls. It wonderfully blends an impatient aggressiveness with impressively streamlined pop-hooks and the combination really works. A strong start this. 

This is immediately followed by “The Faces Of The Devil” and in terms of aesthetic and energy level, we’re on par, and they’re blistering through this. We’re treated to some more distinct, classic rock inspired 6-string work with the guitar solo, which stands out from the techno, blast-beat-bombardment, but it complements the track, as opposed to sounding out of place. “Human Sacrifice” is something I will also endorse (And the track is alright too) ...as keyboardist Kate Boss gets to wrap her vocals around this one, and her super smooth, innocent harmonies sound positively angelic compared to the back-drop of unapologetic metal, resulting in quite the dramatic listening experience. 

If things haven’t impressed you by this point, then, and quite appropriately, we get “This Is Where The Magick Happens” and it’s easily the albums stand-out track. For an industrial-tinged sub-genre of metal this has no right being this catchy. Stylistically, little differs it from the above, but there’s a positivity and bounce to this and you can easily imagine this being insanely good at a live show, as its borderline anthemic in its own right. A fantastically fun track this.  

As much fun as we’re having however, there are a few niggling issues to address with a couple of the tracks. “The Pagan Satan” for example, makes use of subtle, folk horror feels, but despite moments of guitar work, it plods along methodically, and the almost spoken-word vocal delivery reminds you of “The Hessian” by VALLENBROSA, though sadly not as enjoyable. “Spiritual Anarchy ‘22” while being fun musically, has these, almost Elmo-esque vocal samples and it detracts from an otherwise O.K track. Closing track then “Outro (Clowning Is A Serious Business)” on face value looks like it’d fit right in with the type of drivel INSANE CLOWN POSSE would spout, or even BIG DUMB FACE...either way it’s an absolute nothing-track, complete waste of time and three minutes of your life you’ll never get back.  

Ultimately, while they’ve retained elements from their debut, with them still combining those coarse, metal elements with the more synth-heavy notes, they’ve toned back on the industrial/EDM aspects of their sound and delivered more of a straight-up, hard hitting heavy rock record. Does that matter? No, because King Satan have still delivered another solid record that’s well worth checking out. Occult spiritual anarchy? It’s the kind of fun you’d risk getting burnt at the stake for. [7] 

WWW.KINGSATAN.NET
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Popping666Cherries - "Heaven & Hell" EP

6/3/2022

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Finding and, in-turn writing about new bands, isn’t necessarily always about the music... it allows you to discover, and thus learn about new places as well. For instance, today we’ll be taking a little field trip up into Scotland, and more specifically, a town called Troon. 

A quiet coastal town situated in West Ayrshire, it’s a place you’ve probably heard of if you’re a fan of golf, with it not only having the Royal Troon Golf Course, which occasionally hosts the Open Championship, but it’s the birthplace of Colin Montgomerie; one of the most successful to ever swing a golf club. Other than that? Well...aside from a couple of footballers, it’s fair to say that it’s not exactly a place that comes to mind about...anything. Especially music. Can today’s band change that?
 


Let me introduce you to POPPING666CHERRIES. Now before we even press play, we have to address this name...we all know that’s there’s a certain sense of edgier appeal in this sort of thing; just look at the likes of ADOLF SATAN, or the majestically titled ANAL CUNT, but they roll off the tongue a lot easier. Merely SAYING Popping666Cherries, is frankly just as hard, as finding the 666 virgins on a Scottish council estate to begin with. Speaking of council estates...the cover art for their latest EP “Heaven & Hell” looks so bleak and desolate it makes Mad Max’s own dystopian post-apocalypse look like a day out in fucking Disneyland. I’m sure Crosbie Church and cemetery would have made for a far happier visual. Nevertheless, we have music to check out, and, they did ask nicely. 

The EP opens up with “Family Ties” and, musically this isn’t what I was expecting truth be told. It’s got quite a light, almost bubbly electronic aesthetic...it sounds like it’s been plucked right out of that, early, proto-goth experimental era, combining the likes of NEW ORDER with the most subtle of industrial underlays. It’s honestly not unpleasant, until we get to vocalist Gwen Smith, that is. Her vocals are at such a juxtaposition here with the music it takes you a minute to let it sink in. Her incredibly gruff, almost spoken-word delivery does little but clash with the up-beat instrumentation and it’s bordering on off-putting, but we’ll see where this goes. 

We follow this with arguably the EP’s two strongest offerings; “Candyman” and “GSquad”. The former, while realistically drawn out at just shy of five minutes, musically, does make good use of those 80’s post-punk influences, and its strength is in Its simplicity. The rhythm here, coupled with the sharper electronic notes and indie-based guitar style is, instrumentally at least, quite catchy and could be utilised for a much better track. The latter then, takes those post-punk ideologies and indulges further in the darker, bass-rich soundscapes of say, SISTERS OF MERCY and again, could genuinely lay the foundations for a really good gothic-rock track. Sadly, it’s front-woman Gwen here who let’s everything down. I mean, in terms of her performance, it’s hard to put a finger on it. Imagine, like, hooking up an 8-Track cassette recorder directly to one of Lemmy’s lungs following his 1,000th Marlboro of the morning, while using South Park’s Ned Gerblansky as inspiration tonally, and instead of using an actual recording booth, it’s a sewer. 

The last two tracks then sadly act as nothing more than filler. “Over The Edge” does have its almost, 69 EYES inspired guitar tones from their formative gothic-rock years, think, “Framed In Blood” era, while closing track then “Fire And Desire” houses a much darker, blackened aesthetic when it gets going, which cushions the more lust-fuelled, almost seductively sacrificial, very sexual lyrics. There’s a strong BDSM vibe layered throughout the track but I truly believe even Pinhead himself would think twice... 

Ultimately, while I appreciate Gwen getting in touch for this, sadly this has for the most part, disappointed. There are plenty of moments over the course of the five tracks that hold great promise, as they’ve nailed that classic crossover sound of post-punk, early electronica and a dusting of industrial swarf, and that aspect of the band works just fine, but the vocals aren’t up to the task. The inspirations of ANNE RICE, EDGAR ALLAN POE, some of my own personal favourite bands, horror, mythology and hell even fetishism, told me I was potentially in for a great time with this EP, and I wanted to enjoy this so badly, but it wasn’t to be. We’ll end here on a more positive note though...cherry pips are a source of amygdalin, which your body converts to cyanide. Take those 666 cherry pips and chew them up nice and good before you listen to anymore. You can thank me when I bust out the Ouija board. [3] 
WWW.POPPING666CHERRIES.COM
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Junksista - "Fuck Your Pretty Face" EP

6/2/2022

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Pennywise the dancing clown...a trans-dimensional being that returns to Derry, Maine, every 27-years to feed upon the fear of the children, devouring them to a chorus of NENA’s “99 Red Balloons”...(I wish). The Creeper...a ferocious, cannibalistic, cryptid-esque humanoid monster, that roams the back roads of Northern Florida every 23-years, feeding on the unlucky chosen few, as it harvests their body parts to regenerate, and prolong its own necrotic existence. JUNKSISTA...a German alternative electro duo, that seemingly return every four years to challenge me musically and punch me right in the twat. Allow me to elaborate. 

Back in 2014, Diana Noir and Boog, who make-up Junksista, released an album by the name of “High Voltage Confessions”, and upon review I didn’t hesitate to confess my disdain for the utter cringeworthy lyricism. Most artists are, or can be, put-off by negative feedback, but credit to the duo, they came back in 2018 with “Promiscuous Tendencies”, and with a wink and a cheeky smile, they challenged me for round two, and I have to be honest, I was humbled. Now don’t get me wrong...the follow up wasn’t a masterpiece, but everything from the style instrumentally, more serious lyrics and production quality HAD improved, and they provided some genuinely catchy tracks. Now...in 2022, Diana has gotten in touch and forwarded me their brand-new EP, charmingly titled “Fuck Your Pretty Face”...let’s smear some makeup for round three. 

We open up with the title track and it’s got a fairly straightforward, pulsing electronic core, with only subtle guitar surges until the solo-effort, and really in ways it sort of combines the likes of, edgier, modern DEPECHE MODE with a more ambient NINE INCH NAILS. Lyrically it’s very simplistic, frankly repetitive, and it’s a clear dig at societies sense of, shallow, plastic materialism, especially in young women. Your make up looks lovely darling but there’s nothing beneath it, all style and no substance, stop following those “influencers” and stop living for likes. It does come across as personal, to be honest, but the raw honesty is appreciated. It isn’t JUST a song title, Diana is talking to you really quite directly, and if you feel attacked...well... 

Next up we have “Cravings”, and musically here we have another, really quite generic, run of the mill piece of, almost dark-wave, with certain notes reminding of pre-post-punk GOST. Lyrically, again, incredibly simple and minimal...given the bands back catalogue and knowing their penchant for the intimate, theses cravings are no doubt sexual, or sensual, and it is hinted at but not said directly. I think Diana wants to take the EP’s title quite literally but that’s all I’m going to say on the matter. Speaking of, there is a remix of said title track by PSY’AVIAH and frankly it brings very little to the table. It’s slightly rearranged, incorporates more of that dark-wave aesthetic and plods along just fine, but doesn’t inspire a great deal; it’s typical B-Side fodder essentially. 

This brings us to our closing track, and this was a genuine surprise. 1979 KISS classic “I Was Made For Loving You” gets the cover treatment, and what was a sort of, disco-rock / glam-funk crossover prototype, gets the cold, slow, chill-wave / dream pop treatment. It does work, and Junksista’s already established, often sexualised lyricism, allows this to not feel out of place at all. To be fair there are slight elements to this that could be fitting for a Bond theme to a degree, which is pretty prestigious in its own right.  

Ultimately, I have to say, I’m disappointed. The banter and rapport between myself and Diana over the last two records did admittedly lead to a certain sense of expectation; I was expecting to enjoy bits, wince at bits, maybe even shed a tear as I reach for my bottle of Jack Daniel’s, equally saddened and proud of being able to put my eardrums through such a barrage of potential absurdity...instead, this was a fairly safe, very minimal EP, especially lyrically. There was no twat punching, there were no whoopee cushions or questionable ice cream references...nothing. Somebody pass me a red balloon...I’m off to the sewer to play with Pennywise...he’s more fun. [5] 

WWW.JUNKSISTA.BANDCAMP.COM
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The Birthday Massacre - "Fascination"

31/1/2022

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Cast your mind back, if you will, to March 2020. This may only be a mere two years ago on paper, but Jesus does it feel like forever ago! It was around this time, that the Covid-19 / Coronavirus pandemic went into full gear and the world went into lockdown...a thing that frustratingly, we are STILL dealing with, and to many, it’s felt like someone’s hit the pause button on life.  

​Hopelessness aside, you may remember that around this time, Canadian dark-pop / synth-wave veterans THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE, had released their latest album “Diamonds”, and were excited to get back on that tour bus. Naturally, this didn’t go to plan, and despite the quality of the album itself, it almost felt like it couldn’t be properly celebrated, as many fans were now unable to enjoy these songs at live shows across North America and here in the UK.  

Fast forward to 2022 now, and having survived through ever changing and ever varying degrees of pandemic protocol, government teeter-tottering on their own frankly hypocritical regulations (I swear, it was NOT a party, it was an unexpectedly accidental, and somewhat coincidental gathering, of people who, just happened to be, very close friends and colleagues, who also, for some reason, all had alcoholic beverages and caviar Vol-Au-Vents), we find The Birthday Massacre back with another brand-new album; “Fascination”. Has the past two years of uncertainty and frustration fuelled this record creatively? Let’s find out... 

We open up with the title track, and the longest track of the album here, provides a certain sense of, dramatic grandiosity...in a good way. The almost angelic choir-esque vocal harmonies beautifully compliment the delicate, icy synths in the opening notes, and coupled with the deeper, yet sparse bass level electronic pulses, it’s musically a perfect combination. Add Chibi’s effortlessly innocent vocals to the mix, and you are instantly drawn into the album in an almost hypnotic manner.  

Following on directly from this we have the albums lead single “Dreams Of You” and we get some classic TBM. It’s simple, effective, electronic pop-rock and they continue to do it masterfully. It’s up-beat, bubbly and jovial and the band clearly still love what they do; it shines through tracks such as this one and it reminds us all just how polished and efficient the purple-clad Canadians are at churning out songs sweeter and stickier than maple syrup, and there’s plenty more where this came from... 

The track “Precious Hearts” channels a certain old-school TBM vibe that harnesses synths akin to their “Video Kid” era while utilising their ability to unleash more intense, crunching guitar parts. The riffs here aren’t technically challenging or even unique but they use the heaviness well and it just fits perfectly. The minimal solo part in ways can be likened to fellow electronic rock veterans ORGY, and this whole thing is top-drawer. However, it isn’t even the best track on the record. “Like Fear, Like Love” is quite simply, incredible. I’ve talked on how TBM make it look so easy to churn out absolute belters like this, and this is a prime example. The catchy hooks, 80’s inspired darkened synth-wave, the soft, yet bold, emotive vocals; this is textbook and prove why they are among, if not THE best at what they do. It’s impossible to not find yourself moving in some way shape or form to this track...even if you’re a corpse.  

Appropriately then we eventually close on “The End Of All Stories” and it’s effective as a slower, more lulling piece of electronic dreamscape. To which may I add, the band are equally effective in delivering. As sombre and frankly emotional as this track feels aesthetically, it still manages to round things up on a high note somewhat oxymoronically. While it’s fun to go out with a bang, to set the mood, and atmosphere with a perfect ballad is equally as effective, and here it gives the album a wonderful sense of closure.  

Whether or not this would have been the same album The Birthday Massacre gave us if we didn’t have a pandemic, creatively, we will never know, but we have to respect the fact that, bands and touring artists all around the world, have been affected these last two years. Despite losing out on highly important touring income; through ticket sales and merchandise, they’ve doubled down and produced yet another slab of gothic-tinged melodic electro-pop beauty, and it deserves your attention. Regardless of your actual date of birth, “Fascination” comes out via METROPOLIS RECORDS on February 18th, so treat yourself to a second birthday, buy this album and show Chibi and co some love. [8] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/THEBIRTHDAYMASSACRE
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The Weeknd - "Dawn FM"

16/1/2022

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I want to take a minute, if I may, to talk about catfishing. No, we’re not about to join Jeremy Wade on some, Kaiju-sized fishing adventure in the back rivers of deepest, darkest Asia; we’re talking about being deceived. By definition, catfishing is “the process of luring someone into a relationship by means of a fictional online persona”, and that’s exactly how I view today’s artist; THE WEEKND.  

The Canadian singer and producer (Real name Abel Makkonen Tesfaye) was on my radar in 2016 with “Starboy”, but it was the unavoidably catchy hit single “Blinding Lights” in 2020 that actually made me listen. And it’s here I feel cat-fished. The track was such an up-beat, synth-driven masterpiece of simple, energetic, modern pop, you couldn’t help but love it; I was on board. Such a hit surely suggested the album had SOME more of the same? “After Hours” was in fact, instead, nearly an hour of consistently disappointing boredom. Never mind blinding lights, I wanted to punch his lights out! 

2022 now finds The Weeknd kicking off the new year with his follow up album “Dawn FM”...and as we’re about to check it out, let it be known that my expectations are low. With that being said however, let me just caveat this. It could quite possibly be, that, I enjoyed one stand-alone track so much, that I’ve not given the artist a true chance; to know their actual style, background and influences...perhaps...anyway...let’s tune into “Dawn FM”. 

The album kicks off with the title track and low and behold, it’s an intro piece. There are some sweet, ambient keys, birds chirping and soft electronic notes over The Weeknd’s gentle, highly autotuned vocals, yet it’s quite deep in its fleeting run-time, speaking of the fear and uncertainty of solitude, but, also the understanding and awareness that, somethings are to be done alone. It’s the beginning of a new journey here, and whatever the conditions, we’re in for a ride. 

First track proper then, is the single “Gasoline” and musically, it’s quite a bubbly little piece of, shoegaze inspired synth-pop, with gentle percussion, and an overall sense of minimalism. It’s quirky in its own ways on face value, but it’s lyrically where the track becomes grittier. Here he openly refers to his own demons, and battles with substance abuse, and how he’s very aware of his own mortality. He’s really quite ok with the notion of, if he does manage to overdose and die in his sleep, so be it, but he does want to find faith in himself to not suffer such fate; he sounds...torn? 

He continues somewhat strongly then, as we get “How Do I Make You Love Me?”, which stylistically is similar. Instrumentally we get more of the retro synth-wave taking centre-stage while the percussion remains restrained, as he sings, almost vulnerably about slight insecurities. There’s an uncertainty over his own self-confidence, in ways continuing on from the previous track; he’s incredibly self-aware regarding, potential flaws, but at the same time, deep down knows he can bring out the best in you...a sort of, help me help you situation emotionally, and mentally. This transitions very smoothly then into “Take My Breath” which is again, musically in the same vein. My only issue here is, the track is unnecessarily drawn out, and those drawn-out bits, musically, give me PTSD, as they very much remind me of a certain remix by one COREY FELDMAN for his track “Ascension Millennium” …and we’re not going THERE again... 

For the most part then, the remainder of the album, at sixteen tracks in total, is quite consistent in its tone and delivery, and it sadly, as a listening experience becomes a little flat. The vocal delivery is smooth and harmonious, as he does have a very clean, soulful style, and he sings well, and lyrically, he’s a very honest storyteller in his song writing, but at face value, nothing truly leaps out at you from this album.  There are some brief appearances from TYLER, THE CREATOR and LIL’ WAYNE that add a hint of diversity in the vocal presentation, but overall, this is a very subtle album about reflection, and the journey has been quite the personal one. Some enjoyable moments, but truthfully, “Dawn FM” isn’t worth getting up early for. [4] 

WWW.THEWEEKND.COM
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Kat Von D - "Love Made Me Do It"

26/12/2021

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I’d like to, if I may, to take a short minute, to talk about KAT VON D. Now, a lot of you are probably going to be aware, that she is primarily famous for her position on the acclaimed reality show "LA Ink", where she cemented herself as a world-renowned tattoo artist and colourful personality (Despite her ironic preference for black & white portrait ink). This position led her into a world of glitz and glamour with her celebrity clientele, and over the number of seasons she co-starred in the show, her name grew and grew.  

With her high-profile connections and her name in the spotlight, over the years she expanded her business and brand portfolio from not only tattoo and body art, but into a prolific make-up career, where she championed vegan make-up, being a devout animal lover (No animal testing for those confused, no bunnies in slutty lipstick), to yes...even singing.  

Now...don’t get me wrong; just because you are admittedly very talented at one thing, and have been able to grow a successful following with another, doesn’t mean EVERYTHING is going to work. Hypothetically at least. To make this point, her appearance on “Rosary Blue” by THE 69 EYES wasn’t exactly spectacular back in 2012, but is it fair to judge a person's singing career on one niche bonus track? 2021 saw Kat release her debut solo album, by the name of “Love Made Me Do It” …let’s see what it took her nine years to get up to.... 

The album opens up with “Intro”; the most original of opening tracks, and, it’s your typical purely instrumental introduction that’s designed to create a sense of suspense and intrigue. Though, to be fair, the deep, chilling synths here give off a very “Stranger Things” vibe. I swear that TV show’s intro was so good it’s become a standard bearer to this exact sort of synth driven instrumentation. First track proper then; “Vanish” follows in the same vein as the aforementioned 69 Eyes collaboration. It’s a hushed, delicate piano piece with Kat’s vocals sounding husky, raspy and vulnerable, as she sings about her fears towards being able to love. It’s quite a solemn, self-depreciating track and really quite deep in its self-reflection to be fair, and an emotionally powerful start.  

Lyrically, Kat can remain subtly negative in certain aspects but credit to her, despite this, she’s released a selection of absolute bops, and we’ll start with “Exorcism”. The percussion rich retro synths give this a wonderfully new-wave throwback, and the chorus is on another level. The almost spoken-word delivery of the track's vocals allows for the harmonious notes to shine through, and for all intents and purposes this is a brilliant pop song.  

This is continued with “Lost At Sea” which instrumentally channels the same energy electronically as say, WILLIAM CONTROL, and the throwback vibes are strong here. The chorus feels like an eruption of frustrations as Kat sings the tracks title, amidst a barrage of more intense guitar and drum work and the whole piece just feels like, more of the frenetic advocation of her own mental state and wellbeing. The string work adds taste and maturity to the overall message and it’s like a real sense of reflection, sung with honesty and it’s applaudable.  

Album highlight then “Pretending” is simply superb...the 80’s-rich electronic pop harks back to the likes of ULTRAVOX and A FLOCK OF SEAGULLS and yet again, the chorus here is one of the catchiest things you will hear this year. This is modern new wave pop at its very best and once again the simplicity of a catchy-ass chorus, along with the nostalgic vibes of early new romanticism allow this to be a legit tune; this is a flawless, faultless pop track and all of the applause needs to go to Kat for delivering this. There are other efforts such as “Enough” which channel the likes of THE CURE, and even "Protected" featuring PETER MURPHY of BAUHAUS no less, but to be fair, we’ve peaked. 

While not being a complete sweep, with the likes of “Interlude” being ultimately pointless, and “I Am Nothing” returning to that solemn, hushed slow-jam effort, it’s not an entirely fun-filled record. Obviously, the tracks that stand out do so on their own merit, and each to their own, but to lose the intro and interlude cliches would save some time, and it’s only a shame that Kat indulged in more of the slower offerings, knowing what she is capable of as a pop star it turns out.  

Don’t get me wrong, the album as a whole, is impressive and wasn’t what I was expecting following the 69 Eyes collaboration, but I’m glad it’s gone this way. Few modern pop artists correctly mix modern production with the aesthetic of their own 80’s influences and too often it becomes cliché, but with Kat not being a renowned musician, the expectation was non-existent, and her tracks have sounded fresh as a result. It’s not a perfect album start to finish, but it’s a brilliant nostalgia trip, and a great gateway for some of y’all younglings to take an interest in some classic 80’s electronic pop. Love apparently made her do it, I just hope she does it again...[7] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/KATVOND
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Ist Ist - "The Art Of Lying"

16/12/2021

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We’re approaching the end of 2021, but, despite the best* efforts of many a government (Sarcasm), most things haven’t changed since the shit-show that was 2020. Things have arguably eased up, yes, however, the controversy and conspiracies surrounding the whole Covid issue and it’s resulting 5G vaccines are ever present. There’s backlash over the “rules”; some for one group, some for others (Typical Conservative Party hypocrisy of course), booster jabs, passports and general shithousery. The whole situation remains a joke quite frankly.  

There were and have been positives to take from the past 12 to 24 months however. Yes, despite lockdowns, millions being put on furlough schemes (Not going to lie, I enjoyed 3 months off paid) and ok, the Coronavirus itself, there has been plenty to keep us going, especially in the form of new music, and that brings us to today's band.  

​Every year, I tend to personally discover at least one new band that really catches my ear, and for 2020 I have to give the credit to my good friend and gig partner James Oakley, for introducing me to IST IST. The Manchester-based quartet, consisting of vocalist/guitarist Adam Houghton, bassist Andy Keating, guitarist/keyboardist Mat Peters and drummer Joel Kay, had released their debut album “Architecture” and it properly excited this reviewer. With a synth layered dose of lively yet, vocally deep, indie-rock based post-punk, they captured the sounds of JOY DIVISION, EDITORS and WHITE LIES and I was hooked. In the year that's passed, having seen them perform in the Manchester Academy while socially distancing, and seeing them in the Louisiana, Bristol, in some tiny upstairs pub room, everything BUT socially distancing, it’s fair to say I am beyond excited for their sophomore album, “The Art Of Lying”...let’s check it out. 

The album kicks off with “Listening Through The Walls” and on face value I’m all for the creepy, psychological chiller vibe the title insinuates. Just imagining some nutcase living in your crawl space bopping along to your new Ist Ist album before he kills you in your sleep. Lovely. It’s actually quite a sullen, slow start with a somewhat deflated tone. The percussion sounds like it’s emotionally given up and there’s a real feeling of sorrow to these synths. It makes for an interesting opening track in sense of timbre, as we lead into “Fat Cats Drown In Milk”, and this is more like it. 

The new-wave / post-punk, bass led simplicity of this brand of dark indie-rock, is the sound 
we’ve come used to and it’s a sound the band excel at. The synths here are restrained to no more than a subtle layering, adding character, and aside from this the tempo changes and musical surges are kept almost reined in, teasing the listener in ways, and it works because you want to hear the lads unleash.
 


Next up we get the Chuckle Brothers on a bad case of paranoia courtesy of “Watching You Watching Me”...or...NEIL DIAMOND when he was simply stalking Caroline prior to touching her. I jest. The track is a pleasantly bouncy effort which channels the likes of THE CURE in some aspects, as there’s a soft, flowing synth melody countering the pacey cymbal-led percussion and it somehow manages to sound equally upbeat yet downtrodden. Those crunchy bass chords in the bridge too just give this an extra layer of swagger and it’s really enjoyable. 

The first album gave us reason to expect bops aplenty and 
we’ve got some more here to sift through. “The Waves” retains their simplistic lyrical approach, but the guitar work takes the forefront here and chorus hook is just something else. The tempo here ebbs and flows just like the tide and it acts as a metaphor in its own ways, for the waves may seem chaotic at times, noisy, disruptive, but there’s a calm beneath them, and it can be taken emotionally and mentally, positively and negatively in terms of your well-being. It’s quite a reflective track this. “Extreme Greed” returns to the more 80’s-inspired synth-rich new wave pop, while “It Stops When It Starts” harks back to those slightly darker, grittier post-punk days, and both styles work. 

While there are slower, more morose offerings here like the ironically titled “Don’t Go Gentle”, we find a band here, not departing too far from their debut, more so fine tuning their sound and continuing to find their feet as songwriters. All of the aforementioned bands above in their own ways sum up the style and aesthetic of Ist Ist’s music and lyricism; the simple yet meaningful, the deep, dark, yet, hopeful aura of their sound is the appeal, and they are one of the UK’s brightest bands at this very moment in time. “The Art Of Lying” is a solid follow-up, and I’d be lying to you all if I didn’t tell you Ist Ist were worth checking out. Now go buy your own copy and stop listening through MY walls ya’ cheeky bastard! [7] 

WWW.ISTISTMUSIC.COM
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Eurovision 2021: I'm Not 'UK' (I Promise)

30/5/2021

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As you should all be well aware by now, I have a great fondness for the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST. It is a song contest the likes of which, the world has never seen the likes of which, aside from the past sixty odd years or so...but I digress. 2020 saw the contests cancellation due to the Covid pandemic; the first time in history such a thing has occurred, and though while despite still having the junior version at the tail end of the year, when lockdowns and such gradually eased up, 2020 was lacking in more than just social interaction...I didn’t get to enjoy a night of roasting the final via my Twitter feed in real time. Alas, there was always going to be 2021 right? Right? 

As expected, the 2021 contest did take place, on May 22
nd in Rotterdam, making up for last year’s unprecedented situation, by technically allowing the Netherlands to become the first nation to host two consecutive contests. Asterisk here of course. Nevertheless, all was looking promising, until I found out that one of my newest favourite bands, IST IST, were performing a socially distanced show in Manchester on the very same night! Having not been to a gig since 2019, and having not seen my good friend James in that exact same time...I committed a cardinal sin, and attended the gig with him instead of watching Eurovision. Forgive me father, or, spank me daddy, delete as applicable? Either way I’m going to make up for it. 

While we all now know the results, posthumously if you will regarding how dead in the water the UK are, I’ll be taking a look at the grand finalist's songs, and questioning both how and why the UK finished last with the dreaded nil poi...so what better place to start, than the UK’s song itself. JAMES NEWMAN was our 2021 entry with a track called “Embers”. The London based singer/songwriter has been called “James Nil-Man" following the result, but is the mockery justified? Granted it’s quite the safe track in terms of tone and delivery...it’s got a very Summery vibe with its brass-fuelled dance-pop, smoky vocals and up-beat rhythm. It’s the kind of track I’d expect to hear on Radio 1 or some random YouTube holiday advert. Is it awful? No absolutely not. Is it a musical masterpiece, a misunderstood work of genius, ahead of its time? Likewise, no, it’s a generic, run-of-the-mill dance pop effort, but should have at LEAST garnered SOME points with the average Joe...so what went wrong? 
If the UK were at the very bottom of the pile with zero points, who was at the top? The answer, is Italy this year, and slap my ass with a stale ciabatta they entered a rock song?! The group MÅNESKIN won the 2021 contest with the track “Zitti E Buoni” and to be fair it was a pleasant surprise. Sure, it was all sung in their native Italian, so I don’t know what the hell was being said, but the track had a solid groove and housed a smooth, classic rock aesthetic which was about as expected as their victory...aka...it wasn’t. I find this amusing in ways as, here in the UK, despite frankly birthing most of the world's greatest rock bands going as far back as the 60’s, rock and alternative music is generally shunned by the mainstream here in favour of the kind of disposable dance pop we entered, funnily enough. Karma perhaps? Actually, don’t get me started on the charts, pile of bollocks.  

So, we came last, and an unexpected rock song came first...not like, a LORDI level effort with all the costumes and gimmicks, but, an actual straight up rock song...but there were still a further 24 countries that finished above us, surely, we weren’t THE worst track out of all twenty-six nations? Germany’s entry JENDRIK came one place above us with “I Don’t Feel Hate” and it rather awkwardly combined ukulele with up-beat whistling and folk-pop, before some sporadic, jazzy breakdowns. While inoffensive, it was musically jarring as it switched styles and for that alone, it was IMO, worse than ours.  
Spain didn’t do a great deal better with their entry “Voy A Quedarme” by BLAS CANTÓ, and really speaking it’s one of those generic soft piano ballads that the contest has been renowned for in recent years. Totally innocuous, if I were live tweeting this after several beverages, I’d probably be saying his name translates as bland cunt but, there we go. Host nation Netherlands did fairly poorly themselves as JEANGU MACROOY only managed 23rd with his track “Birth Of A New Age” ...the soft Afro-pop / reggae-pop offering speaking of lots of rebellion probably irked several juries as it’s MEANT to be a non-political show, but we all know how true that isn’t. Different, but, better than ours? Questionable. 

What about some of the better results then? Who or what was deemed to be more favourable by both the judges and voting public? GO_A were back representing the Ukraine here following what was arguably my favourite entry from last year; “Solovey”. The new track, “Shum”, might not have the same infectious quality to it, but in a different sense it retains a very catchy, up-beat characteristic that grows over the track's duration. The folk pop, oompah-gypsy style with flutes, coupled with some deep, electronic production allows for a fascinating culture crossover, and the group themselves have grown in confidence massively. The track rises and rises in intensity building to a wonderful crescendo, leading up to some classic, mid-90's Tatanka-esque native war-cry type shit. How many chops can you do, in 2:52? That’s an ad-break questionarium for OSW! 
Having mentioned LORDI earlier, I have to mention Finland as it’s a country I always keep an eye out for, having personally voted for the likes of SAARA AALTO in recent years, and this year was no exception... had it not been for the fact I didn’t watch the live final! BLIND CHANNEL entered their track “Dark Side” and it was a wonderfully melodic nu-metal inspired effort, rich in riffs, swagger-fuelled rap-tinged vocals, gang vox and all of the middle fingers in the air. Any regular readers who like, say, HACKTIVIST or HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD would have lapped this up, fantastic stuff, this certainly would have had my vote. Adopt me Finland, please?  

​Last year's favourite, Iceland, re-entered 
DADI FREYR with the new track “10 Years” and again, another case of growth in confidence...the track this year is no less catchy or fun with its funk-rich delivery but it’s a lot smoother and really vibes, this track did understandably well for 2020’s unofficial winner. France is pretty renowned for scoring poorly, so for them to finish second this year was surprising...especially as their entry “Voila” by BARBARA PRAVI was no more than a dramatic, string/piano ballad fit for a theatrical ballet, we’re talking niche genre trappings here, but it did well. Might sell some Peugeots in the future, but, it’s not for me.  
Not even star-power can help some countries however, as FLO RIDA, of all people, joined SENHIT and San Marino of all places...they must have spent their entire GDP on his guest vocals on “Adrenalina” to finish 22nd...brilliant economic investment, you just voted for a nation to starve. Belgium then represents with a wonderfully bluesy number that references JOHHNY CASH, so credit to HOOVERPHONIC and their track “The Wrong Place”, which fittingly brings us full circle to describe the UK; we finished in the wrong place. Now don’t get me wrong, my ears and probably opinions differ from, well, clearly the millions of people who vote on the world's biggest song contest, but I’m not rallying for a pro-UK movement, or being overly patriotic in the face of defeat; I’m simply suggesting the UK didn’t deserve to come last, let alone get no points whatsoever. 

​Having not seen who gave who what points this year, I can’t comment on the usual and typical “neighbour” voting system you tend to notice, not that the contest is meant to be political as stated, and this could in ways be backed by Italy’s unexpected winning rock track. But, given the farce that was the whole Brexit vote, with the UK government essentially lying to the British public, and then continuing to make themselves look like an absolute bunch of bell ends; making demands to the EU, it’s easy to see why, when it comes to the UK, a performers talent and song quality clearly means very little. We as a nation, are looked upon as outsiders, and frankly blanked by a tight-nit European collective...and we have the government to thank for that. Was our entry ever a winning song? Doubtful, don’t get me wrong, but zero points is more of a statement to us as Brits as it is a fair reaction to our performance in Rotterdam. It might only be a silly song contest to many, but it’s got history, it’s a cultural phenomenon, and we haven’t won it since 1997...and the way things are going, we’ll be lucky to win it by 2097. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to snort some coke with that dude from Italy...allegedly.  
BUY ALL YOUR OFFICIAL EUROVISION MERCH HERE
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Herr Nox - "Where Shadows Fade"

31/1/2021

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Happy new year everybody! OK, OK, we’re well into the year already and we’re well-passed all of that rigmarole, but we all needed some down time, right? I mean, I did! Let’s be honest here 2020 was an utter clusterfuck...if any calendar year can trigger mental health issues, it’s the one we’ve just had; it can’t possibly get MUCH worse can it? (2021 that is NOT a challenge so don’t even think about it!) …but despite being somewhere between a nihilist and a pessimist myself, I have to at least TRY to look forward to potentially more positive things, and who knows, that MIGHT even filter through into my reviews! 

We ended 2020 with a review of FLOVER’s newest record, light-heartedly mocking their blatant borrowing of HIM’s style and sound yet championing a fresh dose of alternative, romantic dark pop. It ended the year on a high note, and we hope to transition those wholesome good vibes into my first review of the new year. Let me introduce to you HERR NOX. The Canadian project made their debut with the album “Stargazer” in 2018, where they effectively blended electronic synth-wave with darker alternative rock elements, and it was a fine dose of melodic melancholy. Just before Christmas, they got in touch with me, asking me to check out their up-coming sophomore release “Where Shadows Fade” …scheduled to drop February 5th. With that said, let’s forgo the formalities and give this a listen, and get 2021 underway with a positive outlook! 

We open up with a track called “Doomsday” …really? Guys, I was meant to be kicking off the year with something positive, something encouraging...but no, you’ve got to go and throw the end of the world in my face straight out of the starting blocks. Well done. The track is the first of a handful of collaborations with Norwegian musician Jorgen Munkeby, who’s worked with a plethora of established metal musicians so we’re seemingly in good hands...it’s got an initially hushed introduction; soothing, meandering keys and subtle pulsing electronic bass, and it allows for a cold, brooding opening, before we descend into a flurry of pretty generic off-kilter guitars and uninspired vocals. It went from atmospheric to anticlimactic a bit quickly if you ask me and lets you down following the minute and a half intro. 

The title track follows up and it’s a full-blown case of the opposites. The jarring off-kilter percussion starts us off with some intense sax playing, and seemingly leads us into some progressive jazz, before transitioning into some more laid-back melodic rock, and the more subtle Goth aesthetics appear more prominently over the course of the track. As jarring as the intro was, this track works far more effectively, emoting better vocally and tonally resulting in a far smoother listen believe it or not...if you can ignore the saxophones like. It works for GHOST and ELECTRIC SIX but don’t push it y’know? Luckily, we’re then greeted to album highlight “Black Butterfly” featuring LINDSAY SCHOOLCRAFT and it’s a welcome dose of straightforward alt. Goth. Given the hard rock core sound with accompanying synths and tight solo, clean vocals and presentation, as weird as this may sound it’s like, a cross between TOOL and KILL HANNAH. Either way I’m not complaining, I like this. 

Elsewhere tracks like “Kiss The Butchers Hand” highlight the blend of frosty electronica and progressive post-rock tendencies, as the track utilises both in a wonderfully climactic fashion. The semi-whispered male vocals mirror artists such as TIAMAT, reinforcing that Gothic vibe, and again it works well. “Heads Will Roll” sadly isn’t a cover of the YEAH YEAH YEAH’S but the synth-driven hard rock works well and in places it’s got elements of peak MARILYN MANSON, resulting in a bold, energetic listen. Sadly, whatever is left of the album fails to truly inspire. 

Schoolcraft returns for “The Art Of Noise & Silence” and while atmospherically moody, the spoken word segments detract from the track, however brief. It’s got a subtle avant-garde approach, ever so slightly bridging classic goth with light prog for an ultimately slow, deep, anti-ballad. “Gotta Light” then incorporates more of that spoken word in its intro, alongside more of that softcore porn sax and ultimately becomes an instrumental. The sax here does work better than previously mentioned, but in regards to the tracks title, this is like going to the smoking area of the club, pulling out an overpriced non-branded Marlboro, and, have you got a light? No. You loser. You look around, everyone is busy, chatting with friends, so you just stand there, with an unlit cigarette, you contemplate asking for a light, but your self-esteem is through the floor, and so you don’t ask, you hope someone notices and offers you flame, but they don’t, so you stand there awkwardly, craving, until you just go back inside unfulfilled, and feeling as sad as these saxophones sound. Was that bleak? Good, because that sums up this instrumental. 

Overall, artistically, Herr Nox have taken the darkest aspects of their debut and expanded upon them, ramping up the Gothic elements, allowing the synths and guitars to flow like black velvet. It’s neither an improvement or a disappointment, they’ve merely altered their course creatively and there’s plenty of promise here to be fair. This black butterfly just needs to emerge from its Canadian cocoon, as I’m sure it has plenty of dark beauty to share with the world, just give it time. [5] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/HERRNOXOFFICIAL
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GavTheGothicChav: The Best Of 2020

3/1/2021

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What is there to say about 2020, that hasn't already been said? Within these reviews over the past nine months I've light-heartedly made reference to issues like Covid-19 and such, but let's not detract from the seriousness of the whole situation. As a calendar year, 2020 was one of the most difficult, frustrating, upsetting and confusing in recent history, and this isn't strictly down to Coronavirus...this time last year we were on the brink of World War 3! Politics has been a shambles, social injustice has been rife, the divide in both community spirit and the classes seemingly continues to grow, and generally speaking, the world is a complete mess. Luckily we've had music to keep us going, if not to keep us sane, and for that at least I am grateful. The images above showcase my personal highlights of 2020, grouped in categories covering pop, metal, EP's and general favourites, and it shows that, despite the state of the world, music flourishes. Music and the arts are SO important, as many of us learned during national lockdown, and we need to appreciate the people who dedicated their lives to creating that art SO much, because times like these prove we'd be lost without them. 

I mean, just looking at the cover art above, it's been as diverse a year as any. MILEY CYRUS embraced her inner rocker on her new album, having collaborated with the likes of BILLY IDOL and JOAN JETT. Groups like STEPS made an unexpected comeback showing they've still got it in an ever changing pop industry, as did MELANIE C. From a metal standpoint, PARADISE LOST prove they just get better with age, as they not only released one of the albums of their career, they also found themselves in the UK Top 40! Imagine that! Goth metal on Radio 1! It gives hope to newer acts like SOUTH OF SALEM who delivered a truly stunning debut album, and certify themselves as ones to watch for sure. There have also been plenty of superb EP's released over the past twelve months...especially VV. Ville Valo surprised everyone with his 3-track EP and HIM fans rejoiced at the new material, I for one certainly cannot wait to hear more from him. CHRISTINE AND THE QUEENS put emphasis on the art as their whole EP was turned into one big choreographed music video which was impressive, while I personally made some brilliant discoveries in the form of LUCIA & THE BEST BOYS and JACKIE. 

Finally then, my official albums of the year, and I was spoiled for choice to be fair. THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE always deliver, they never release a bad album and I'm looking forward to catching up with Chibi on the rescheduled tour dates. MARILYN MANSON dropped his best album in years much to my delight, having found his last couple a little bit boring (Sorry Mazza!), GREY DAZE tugged at the heartstrings with a touching tribute to the late Chester Bennington, releasing unheard material from his pre-LINKIN PARK days, reminding us all how much we'll miss such a talented, brilliant human being. NINJA SEX PARTY on the other hand proved they remain one of the funniest groups around with their bonkers writing style, comedic lyricism and story-telling and wholesome attitude. Yes, 2020 has been a bit of a mess to say the least, but we've still got music, and as fans of that music, we've still got one another, and as a community, we need to hold on to that. With that said, below, is my official GTGC Spotify playlist of 2020, with 40 hand-picked tracks spanning the above records, and it is dedicated to my very good friend Scot 'JD' Rees, who is sadly no longer with us in body, but will forever be with us in heart and spirit. Whether he had a Jack & Coke in his hand, or his guitar, he was always laughing at something, and his energy for enjoyment was infectious. I will miss you Scot, and this compilation is for you. X
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Cindy - "Free Advice"

11/10/2020

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Some of the best things in life are free; like, that 7th cup of McDonalds coffee after you’ve already paid for six, and now have a caffeine addiction, because you got them all in one day instead of over the course of the week...or that “Songs Of Innocence” album by U2 that everybody had but nobody wanted (Show me on the doll where iTunes touched you Timmy...it’s OK), but what about free advice? You’ve all heard ‘don’t eat yellow snow’...OK Ehren McGhehey missed that memo, but generally, these things are obvious, and aimed at dumb people. Sorry Ehren. 

So then, what are today’s band trying to tell us? CINDY are a San Francisco based 4-piece consisting of guitarist/lead vocalist Karina Gill, guitarist Aaron Diko, bassist Jesse Jackson and drummer Simon Phillips, and have recently released their new album “Free Advice” through Mt. St. Mtn. and Tough Love Records. The label got in touch via email advising me to check it out...whether I advise YOU to do so however remains to be seen. 

The album opens up with “Discount Lawyer” and I’ll start with some free advice straight away. If you’re in a position where you do find yourself requiring a lawyer, don’t skimp...the last thing you want is your own defence lawyer shouting objection when the jury finds you NOT guilty. I digress...the track itself is a very subdued piece of hushed, lo-fi indie pop. The delicately strummed guitars are backed by an equally soft synth underlay, while Karina’s vocals are reduced to little more than a whispered, spoken word delivery, resulting in a very slow, stripped back, icy opener. 

We follow this up with the first of two, yes two, album highlights...sounds specific but I counted all of them I promise. “Falcon Heavy” utilises a similar tone in terms of their writing and playing, with all of the same elements, but the guitars and percussion here, while still minimal are more up-beat, and the track has a more jovial, positive quirkiness as a result. It’s chirpy in its simplicity and quite a pleasant little listen. “Wrong Answer” then turns everything up a notch or two courtesy of some more assertive, fuzzy guitars and a more rock-based approach, despite the vocals still suffering from a lack of presence. With all of those positives out of the way however, there are still eight tracks to sit through, and I make that sound more encouraging than it is. 

“Song 23” is only song five on the album, but feels like song two HUNDRED and three...the slow, dreary semi-acoustic piece of mellow instrumentation induces immediate sadness...take away the lyrics and it sounds like the rainy church scene in Disney’s Robin Hood, with the little mouse priest playing the organ in utter despondency in the face of hopelessness. Remember that? Depressed yet? I am. We have “A Song In French” which you’ll be shocked to learn isn’t in Japanese...there isn’t much to be said here really...take all of the above references to depression and translate them to French. Job done. “CSI Creeptown” to be honest sounds like a program I’d genuinely watch on TV, but sadly it isn’t an offshoot of the popular crime drama, what it IS, is more of the same, sombre indie. 

This sadly, is a stylistic approach that the album sticks to rather rigidly, which by closing number “Lost On Me”, sums up exactly how I feel about the album as a whole. I’m sure there’s a market and audience for this, funeral parlours perhaps, but jokes aside, very little here grips you. As a mature piece of ambient shoegaze it’s so quaint in its presentation, but so utterly boring. iTunes, actually, U2, I apologise. Cindy...here’s some free advice...quit while you’re behind. [2] 

WWW.CINDYTHEBAND.BANDCAMP.COM/MUSIC
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D.O.L - "Between Love And Death" EP

21/9/2020

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It’s been quite a while since I enjoyed some fresh Finnish Gothic rock...Ville Valo from HIM dropped a lovely little surprise EP earlier this year, but now he’s an ambassador (Or something) for Paulig Presedentti, some, 100-year-old coffee brand, so who knows when he’ll be releasing any new music. THE 69 EYES released “West End” last year which was naturally one of my albums of 2019, but what about new bands? Gothic rock isn’t exactly in demand right now, (To be honest, was it ever?) And you seldom find any new artists embracing the genre, we’re always relying on our old favourites to deliver the goods...well today we hope to rectify that. 

The wonderful folk over at INVERSE RECORDS sent me an email regarding a band by the name of D.O.L, asking me to check them out. Initially formed in 2017 as more of a metalcore outfit, they’ve since restructured and now, consisting of members MC on lead vocals and guitar, fellow guitarist Hades, bassist Jyka, drummer Catsy and keyboardist Lauri, we find them peddling in more Gothic rock affairs. This month saw them release their debut EP by the name of “Between Love And Death” ...so with that in mind, let’s get dolled up and find out where exactly. 

The EP opens up with “Recreational Death” which is officially my new favourite term for suicide. What do you do in your downtime? Oh you know; a little crochet...spot of yoga...a little recreational death here and there. I digress; the track kicks off with some slow, steady percussion and minimal riff-work before it undertakes a more synth-driven sound. The electronic tones in turn both counter and compliment MC’s vocals which are admittedly, really quite coarse, but they blend well enough. Combined with the harder rock backing, they sound like they’d easily appeal to fans of ENTWINE or maybe on a lesser scale, THE BLACK CAPES for example. The guitar solo is great too, this is a promising start. 

​There are a few enjoyable offerings here to be fair, such as the lead single “My Juliet” which puts a lot more emphasis on the synth elements for an ever so slightly colder, darker albeit catchier listen. The general instrumentation is very much more leaning towards a classic rock style, as proven by another impressively slick solo, with the more Gothic aspects being a subtle underlaying aesthetic giving their sound just that extra touch of flavour. Closing track “Love Denied” too utilises the same qualities allowing for a wonderful dose of catchy alternative rock, ending the EP on a genuine high note...but...there is something we have to address, and lads; you were doing so well. 

It’s not uncommon for a new band looking to get noticed do so by means of a cheeky cover song...HIM did wonders with “Wicked Game” after all...but when you make a song your own, you’re meant to do the song justice, not make the original artists want to disown the fucking thing! The track in question is “Hurt”...yes THAT “Hurt”, by NINE INCH NAILS. The original was such a somber, haunting recording it became instantly iconic and to this day remains a definitive Gothic anti-ballad. The late, legendary JOHNNY CASH braved a cover himself but his own stripped-back, acoustic rendition was so emotionally raw and powerful, he arguably bested Trent Reznor.  

Here however? Oh boy...it starts off well enough with the slow-burn introduction and musically there’s nothing wrong with attempting a harder approach, sometimes a new take, a new twist on a track can have surprisingly effective outcomes...but vocally? Merciful god, MC sounds like he actually IS hurt, like, in actual physical pain...like the poor fucker stood on some Lego while walking into the recording booth. His angst-ridden forceful vocal is so jarring with the original that it sounds wrong, like it’s not even the same song. I’m not exaggerating when I say despite being DEAD for the past seventeen years, Johnny Cash can still do a better job! Despite this, there’s enough original content here that shows a lot of promise as the five-piece move forward, and they have a plethora of Finnish alternative dark-rock bands to take notes from while they find their own sound and style, but that cover needs to go. Hurt? I just became addicted to painkillers THINKING about it. [5] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/DOL.ROCKBAND
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Calling All Astronauts - "#Resist"

12/8/2020

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Back in May, you may remember I debuted a new feature for this blog under the moniker of “Unlucky Dip”, where I’d focus on reviewing a varied selection of singles instead of one album or EP, with the idea of showcasing more artists and more musical variety in one swoop. It’s now August and I’ve still only done two such posts...honestly, I put the ‘pro’ in procrastinate. Anyway, I’m referring back to that initial post because within it I talked about a band called CALLING ALL ASTRONAUTS, and I’m finally getting around to the new record! 

Yes, in May the London 3-piece 
(Consisting of vocalist and programmer David B, guitarist JJ and bassist Paul “Buzzsaw” McCrudden) dropped the single “Welcome To The Black Bloc” and it was an entertaining dose of up-tempo synth-rock, rich in social commentary and the ongoing issues with equality and acceptance, and it made for an encouraging listen. This Summer they followed it up with the brand-new album “#Resist” and I couldn’t resist giving it a listen any longer. I mean, technically, what actually happened was I forgot it had come out, but that doesn’t sound as good now, does it? Anyway, let’s check it out... 

The album opens up with 
“The Holy Trinity” and it’s a primarily slower, methodical start...granted it’s atmospheric in its own chilling way, combining cold electronic elements with crunching, sporadic riffs. A song of corruption from the top, mocking both church and state through the trinity of greed, power and war, highlighting societal and class disparity, and it sets the tone for the album fairly early on. The political tones run throughout this record pretty clearly as proven with early highlight “Divided States Of America”, which again pitches the idea of the lower, working classes, clueless as to what actually goes on within office and government...trusting their politicians and leaders, but maybe not truly realising what they’re even voting for as they are fed only what they want to hear. It’s delivered with an appropriately edgier, up-beat sound, incorporating subtle punk aesthetics while retaining the electronic aspects and it makes for an enjoyable listen. 

There are a couple of highlights to point out over the course of the eleven tracks to be fair...we’ve already pointed out the initial single
 “Welcome To The Black Bloc”, but elsewhere we have the likes of “Fifteen Minutes”, which while enjoyable is a bit of a cliché at this point creatively. It takes a stab at commercialism and blasts plastic pop-stars who have everything written for them, instant fame and celebrity status without working near half as hard as independent, or, underground artists. Like I said its cliché at this point but it’s encouraging to see the passion still there from bands such as the Astronauts. The relevance and popularity of these pop-stars is usually temporary, and this track generally highlights the flaws in the music industry machine that churns them out.  

​My personal favourite would have to be 
“Post Truth World”, which utilises all of the same musical ingredients; dark, garage rock and electronica, but here we take a slightly more retro approach thanks to some early synth, post-punk elements and It's a nice little throwback. The simplicity works in its favour here, getting the most out of the basic hooks and instrumentation, it’s just a no-nonsense piece of proto-goth and it works. Elsewhere, “#Resist” mostly follows a similar formula and pattern squeezing every last drop out of all the aforementioned styles and influences. It’s a solid album from start to finish, but apart from the tracks stated, little else truly stands out. Instrumentally fine, they’ll easily appeal to fans of the likes of PITCHSHIFTER and early, experimental post-punk / dark-wave artists, but vocally on times a little one-dimensional. Socio-politically astute alternative rock soaked in liberalism, common sense and equality, which is fitting really, given how 2020 is unfolding so far... [7] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/CALLINGALLASTRONAUTS
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Aline Mayne - "Nothing To Lose" EP

29/7/2020

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Warning: The following review features words written either by a professional, or under the false-pretense of professionalism...accordingly; GavTheGothicChav and his non-existent editors must insist than no one attempt to recreate, or reenact, or, generally rationalize for that matter, any of the words you are about to read... 

You may indeed recognize that introductory paragraph as a parody of the original 
“Jackass” disclaimer, and rightfully be thinking to yourself, where the hell is this going? Well I’ll tell you. ALINE MAYNE was born in Brussels, Belgium and while you may not instantly recognize her name or face, you could very well have already seen her perform, as she is an established stunt-double and on-screen persona, having worked on successful shows such as “Gotham” and “Fear The Walking Dead”. Granted she does her stunts properly, unlike the lads from Jackass, but you know I love a segue.  
 
Anyway, aside from this, her love of performance art doesn’t stop there, as she’s also incredibly accomplished in the field of music. From a young age she’s studied piano and composition, performed in various local rock bands growing up, studied classical singing and performed in a choir too. Does this mean we’re in for an operatic symphonic metal treat? Does it fuck. Aline recently released an EP by the name of “Nothing To Lose” and quite frankly, it’s my only reasoning going into this review. I mean you COULD argue my sanity but that’s long gone let’s be honest...anyway...let’s check this out. 
 
We open up with the title track, nice and traditionally, but it's a faltering start. Her vocals are delivered in a predominantly flat, monotone style that, while giving off a subtle robotic aesthetic, come off as not so much retro but regrettable. Granted, the chorus picks up with more up-beat energy, allowing for some pretty straightforward electro-pop, but it’s as good as it gets here. Realistically there is plenty to lose truth be told...my interest for one, which would have in turn had a domino effect on my will to live had it not been for the chorus. This is not a very promising start. 

Luckily the EP salvages itself next with the highlight track 
“Break Your Heart” and there are a variety of, not so much influences, but styles I’m picking up throughout this track. The initial pulse of the electronica alongside the basic percussion and vocal delivery reminds me of RACHEL STEVENS in ways...but with more obvious nods to modern pop acts too such as LADY GAGA or early KATY PERRY. The simplicity of this one is honestly charming; the chorus may be repetitive but the beat, rhythm and overall tone here is pleasant and in terms of delivery, this is much better. The same can be said of closing track “Suicide Love” which utilizes more of a soft drum’n’bass instrumentation which allows for an up-tempo more exciting listen, and it does close the EP on a somewhat positive note. 
 
Sadly, the other two tracks aren’t quite as encouraging...”Spoil Me” may have slightly retro synths and another vibrant chorus, simple hooks again, but it’s very run of the mill pop music which does fall into the trap of repetition. The materialistic nature of the track, be it ironic or not, holds zero interest. “Bubble Gum Dream” then gives off more of an R’n’B chillout vibe with a hint of synth pop for essentially the most boring of the five tracks presented here. There are some forced vocals which don’t sound too pleasant towards the tracks climax, in addition to the track itself being quite lifeless. Let’s face it if you’re dreaming of bubble gum, you’re either Willy Wonka or on drugs...quite possibly both. Come to think of it a drugged up Wonka sounds a lot more entertaining. 

Ultimately, Aline may be a classically trained musician and choir vocalist with all the experience in the world, but this EP doesn’t strictly do her justice. She’s gone for a marketable formula sure; I can totally understand that, the mainstream pop aesthetic will shift units, get her on more radio, TV spots, you name it, but she’s played it far too safely and sadly generically to really stand out from, well, anyone. There is potential there, this EP isn’t awful per se, but unfortunately 
“Nothing To Lose” lost my attention, and that bubble gum dream just burst. [4] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/ALINEMAYNEMUSIC
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Unlucky Dip (08/06/2020)

8/6/2020

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OK so, back in May I debuted a new blog feature which I dubbed the "Unlucky Dip", where I take a break from reviewing full length albums and EP's, to give the singles a chance. It not only allows me to cover a wider variety of artists and genres in one swoop, but it reminds me of albums that will be coming out, and helps me clear more of my never ending barrage of emails. Last time around I was a little mean to one or two of the artists, but as I did point out, this feature IS a sort of cross between speed dating and a comedy roast. Luckily for these seven new artists I generally like all of the tracks I'm about to talk about, which is rare...unluckily for you however this may not be as much of an enjoyable read as the last one! Anyway, with that said, let's get into some music.

The Sounds - "Safe As Sound"

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I'd like to kick things off with some genuine positivity and excitement. THE SOUNDS are one of the bands I can thank Bam Margera for getting me into way back in the day, and while I was happy to have them back with their EP "The Tales That We Tell" in 2017, we haven't had a full album from Maja and co in seven years!

"Safe And Sound" is the latest single, taken from the highly anticipated new album "Things We Do For Love", which drops June 12th. Originally planned for a May release but put back due to Covid-19, their blend of lightly electronic tinged indie rock 'n' roll sounds as distinct and fresh as ever here...I guess you could say they haven't missed a Tony the beat! I'm very much looking forward to this album and you can expect to find it in my end of year lists for sure.

Jordan Lake - "Hunters & Wolves"

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This one was a submission from the people over at Pop Rush Music and as far as I can tell, this is a stand alone single, as there's been no mention to me of any releases to follow this up. The single in question; "Hunters & Wolves" is by an artist by the name of JORDAN LAKE. Not to be confused with the reservoir, Jordan was born in North Carolina and found his love for singing very early on.

At the age of 4 he became a church singer at his local parish and has had a passion for performing ever since. Now older and having relocated to the West coast, Jordan is writing mature, soulful and emotive pop music that in it's own ways bridges the likes of ADAM LAMBERT with RAG 'N' BONE MAN. Listen below and let me know what you think!

Gaerea - "Null"

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Well..this escalated quickly! GAEREA are a self-confessed cathartic black metal outfit from Portugal, and they were brought to my attention by the folk over at Season Of Mist. 

"Null" is the first track to be taken off their up-coming third album "Limbo" which is released on July 24th and if this track is anything to go by, the six-track 50-minute album is going to be one hell of a journey. There are European tour plans in place for the beginning of 2021, though they are scheduled to play a UK exclusive show in London on October 31st at the Nabucca, which you may want to keep an eye on if you're a fan of black and death metal, as it's part of the Subterranean Manifestation II line-up. Hopefully it goes ahead, and I'll say it again...fuck Covid-19.

360 Phoenix Flip - "Pyromaniac"

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This one is arguably the weakest of the seven tracks I'm going through today but that's purely on account the other 6 tracks, as this is still a fun little single and I'm actually not trying to be mean for once. 360 PHOENIX FLIP is the new (Albeit convoluted) moniker by which Mark Lovett now goes by.

Combining his love of skate-punk and artists such as NOFX and RUFIO, with his already experienced background in song production and EDM, he brings us his debut single "Pyromaniac" and the best way to describe it I believe would be, somewhere between OWL CITY and REGGIE & THE FULL EFFECT. Make of that what you will, but I like this and I look forward to what else he has in store. Maybe you'll find him in the new Tony Hawk remastered game soundtrack? At this time of writing I have no links to share with you, as the SoundCloud link was private...sorry.

Before Sunday - "Square Hammer"

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Now this...this one is fucking bold. GHOST, who you may be familiar with as arguably the biggest rising metal / alternative rock band on the planet, helped cement their status with the song "Square Hammer" from the "Popestar" EP. BEFORE SUNDAY, are a London based duo who have only recently released their debut EP, yet here we find them covering Ghost...and the track isn't even a part of their EP!

Yes thanks to Angels PR, the duo have been in touch with label-mate Marianna from PROJECT RENEGADE and other talented musician friends, to collaborate on this lock-down cover. To be fair, instrumentally at least, they've done the song justice as it barely strays from the original in tone, it's quite a by numbers cover, but naturally they aren't replacing Tobias on vocals, so that's where they differ, although they've stayed true to the original video too in their own ways, taking limitations into account. It's a brave cover, but no real complaints for execution. 

Juliper Sky - "Afterglow"

In case you're wondering why there is no art work for this single, it's because the band didn't supply any jpeg files of the artwork. Plenty of photo's of the band, sure, but none of the artwork. The image included in their press kit isn't usable sadly as I was unable to separate and save it to file. Could I message them and ask for a jpeg of the image? I could, of course I could...but it's really not worth the effort.

Anyway, JULIPER SKY are an up-and-coming indie-pop outfit based out of Manchester, UK, and having already released their debut EP this year entitled "Visions Of A New Age", they continue to release separate singles. Opinions vary as to how effective and efficient this is from a marketing stand point...on one hand you can keep fresh content coming and keep up the exposure and relevance...on the other hand, and this is something I believe personally, is that it's annoying and I'd rather you just keep the material for the 2nd EP...let's be honest most of the tracks are going to end up on the debut album anyway, so many artists do it, and I just find it all pointless myself. I digress..."Afterglow" is the kind of light pop-based indie that might appeal to fans of BLOSSOMS for example. You'll have to take my word for it though as again, it comes out on June 26th, and I have no Bandcamp, Spotify or Youtube links to share with you. I might review the EP, give you a better idea.

Mushroomhead - "The Heresy"

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Today then we finish up on this absolute gem, and another genuine bit of excitement. MUSHROOMHEAD have been going damn near thirty years now and having gone through a couple of line-up changes, they still have an incredibly prolific yet criminally underrated back catalog of albums. 

Having always faced criticism for being SLIPKNOT knock-offs, they never hit the heights they deserved to, but hopefully that will change on their upcoming new album "A Wonderful Life"; their first since 2014! The latest single promoting the album; "The Heresy" see's the real debut of new full time vocalist Ms. Jackie, as well a returning J Mann to bring some welcome nostalgia and heritage to their sound. The clean female vocals add a new dynamic which works really with their heavy, dystopian, underground progressive grunge metal style, and the political message of the single simply adds relevance. I cannot wait for this album, which comes out June 19th via Napalm Records.

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Fight The Tornado - "Maelstrom Of Thought" EP

8/6/2020

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So this review was not on my schedule…it wasn’t submitted to me as a request, nor was it generally even on my radar. Quite frankly I had absolutely no idea who the fuck these were, however, a good friend of mine Rob De Boer lovingly forwarded them to me. I’ve known Rob a few years now through mutual friends and a mutual love of HIM, and all things Jackass related, and the last time I saw him properly was when we saw CKY at Manchester. Fun night…Matt Deis got lost in the venue he was playing, and I think there was a stabbing…good gig though.

I digress…Rob has recently started up his own podcast called SETTING THE TONE, where he takes a moment to go over his thoughts and opinions of various new singles from up and coming artists, and generally discuss relevant topics in the music industry; openly sharing his views and is worthy of your support. He was sent this EP to check out and do a piece on, and wanted to know what I thought of them myself.  Now I don’t know Rob’s final thoughts on the artist, we’re a little different in our approach…but those of you who are regular readers can probably guess where this is going…

The band in question, are FIGHT THE TORNADO and I immediately hope their influences include Matt Hardy 1.0. Consisting of members Jonny Young on vocals and multi-instrumentation, and Lindzi North on vocals and…sanity maintenance? Both of whom were former members of the symphonic metal band CURSE OF DAWN (Part of me wonders if they were fired…harsh you say? Patience you must have my young Padawan) though we find them gearing up for the release of their debut EP “Maelstrom Of Thought” on June 26th. With that tornado in mind, are they going to blow us away or simply just suck? Let’s find out…

The EP begins with “Mercurial Inventions” and truth be told, the intro is actually promising…it’s got a light, bubbly electronic aura and sounds like it’s about to delve into some nostalgic synth pop…but without the slightest hint of transition we’re thrust into a barrage of progressive nu metal riffage and it’s like, where the actual fuck did this come from? You know that meme with the dog sat in a room on fire, stating that this is fine? This is the soundtrack to that image. It’s so off-kilter and jarring you can’t help but wonder if this really was intentional, and that’s before we even get to the vocals. Fleeting between snarling and angelic, though neither of them hit the mark; it’s like, I would have PERSONALLY paid for the use of autotune for you to save myself the grief of hearing this.

We follow this with EP highlight “Comfort Zone” and yes I actually said highlight there…we start off in a similar fashion combining pulsing electronica with metallic riffs but here it’s all blended noticeably better, as in, it’s actually blended. Vocally then, I want to point out that the snarls in ways remind me of NEW PROJECT and the aggressive aspects of this work, but when we get to the cleaner, melodic vocals it’s an actual dumpster fire. The chorus manages to hold a note, an albeit incredibly flat and lifeless one, but that is an achievement, trust me. The same issues arise during “Sensory Deprivation” and the title is more than fitting as I would sooner be deprived of my own sense of hearing than deal with this. How bad can this unconventionally tuned singing be I hear you ask? Well…here are just SOME ways to categorise this; a mute yodeller with a sore throat,  a wok full of spoons falling down the up-escalator like some painfully cacophonous slinky, the shared harmony of two stray cats shagging in the back lane. Not convinced? How about Wes Scantlin covering NIRVANA?

Sadly my friends, we aren’t done…the title track is an instrumental that to its credit, delivers conceptually, I’ll give it that. It goes from progressive rock and metal riffs, including a decent solo with more subtle synth work…before we introduce PAN PIPES out of nowhere, only to be followed up with alternating death metal blast beats and ambient reggaeton. I honestly can’t say ‘what the ever loving fuck’, with the adequate level of conviction here…seriously that was like a non-invasive lobotomy. If that wasn’t enough, “Atlas” kicks in with some goddamn BTEC “Tubular Bells” and I’m like, nope. I’m done. I’m out. Fight The Tornado? I would sooner gamble my genitals in a Dyson V10 Cyclone…and I can guarantee my cries of pain would hold better notes.  [2]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/FIGHTTHETORNADO
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/SETTINGTHETONE2
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Unlucky Dip (19/05/2020)

19/5/2020

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I get A LOT of emails, not as many as big publications obviously, but for me, I get a lot, and I literally can’t keep up with them all. This means I either take virtually forever getting around to some reviews, resulting in the peak promotion period usually having been and gone, for that I do apologise. Sometimes I forget about submissions entirely, for which I also apologise, and a lot of the time, I’m sent singles. Now, this blog has been running since 2014 and 99% of the content here, bar the odd rare article, is comprised of EP and album reviews. I’ve nothing against the humble single, I miss the days of picking up CD singles in Woolworths wondering what B-Sides you’d be treated to…but writing a full review for just A single is something I’ve always personally deemed a bit of a ball ache.

Going forward, I am going to try to, once a week (The key word being try here, I’m making no promises) present a general collection of single submissions from my inbox in one article, to try and ensure I don’t miss out on potential gems, and more importantly, to also clear some space in my inbox (At this time of writing I have around 650 unread emails…LOL). With that in mind, here are seven randomly selected tracks that I have been sent, that I would like to share with you, in the first GTGC Unlucky Dip; the result of combining Speed Dating with the heartfelt Comedy Roast.

Heavyman - "Baby Jean"

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We're going to kick this feature off with a 4-piece from London by the name of HEAVYMAN. Comprising of vocalist/guitarist Charlie Yang, drummer Tom Papaloizou (I'm pretty sure he was in "The League Of Gentlemen"?) bassist Igor Fonseca and lead guitarist Nick Burns, they recently got in touch, stating that were fans of the blog and were themselves fueled by alcohol and sarcasm, asking me to check out their debut single "Baby Jean". How could I possible refuse?

Initially sounding like something you'd hear from early TURBONEGRO, it soon transitions into a more methodical, groove-rich slow jam of a southern blues rock effort. It covers all the bases with some slick guitar work and vocal swagger for some textbook classic blues rock. With more tracks scheduled to be released over the coming months, these are ones to watch.

Rory K - "Heat Thru Your Body"

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"Now this is a story all about how my life got, at most, mildly inconvenienced, but I'd like to take a minute just to share this my friend, and talk about this new single by The Fresh Prince Of Bellend".

You know all the meme's with "Now listen here you little shit..."? Well that's essentially me right now with RORY K. A native of downtown Manhattan, New York, Rory was born into a musical family, with his dad having been in the late 80's socio-political rock group BLACK 47. So imagine his dad's disappointment to see Rory here peddling some of the most uninspired, cringe-worthy rap/hip-hop an eleventeen-year-old would perform, on the track "Heat Thru Your Body"...I bet he finds vanilla spicy.

From the intro that sounds like seagulls having a stroke, to the combination of abysmal lyrics and self-indulgent vocals...and the embarrassing video, it's just...no. The bit where Rory is, (I'll use this term loosely) "performing" in front of some street graffiti, why are you holding a mic? You look like an absolute tit mate. And you emailed me three times for this? Assuming I hadn't replied because I couldn't stop dancing to the track? I would sooner invite my enemies to dance upon my grave than dance to this myself. And it's through*...for the record. I'm beginning to regret this new feature already...

Deejay Centipede - "Twerk It Out"

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I honestly don't know why I get sent this stuff...I'm not against rap and however many hip-hop subcultures there actually are, but it is SO rare I find any that I genuinely like. I can appreciate a flow, or a beat, sure, but there is too much recycled rap out there full of cliches about money, bitches, drugs and ho's and quite frankly I don't care about any of it.

"Twerk It Out" is the new track from Cleveland Ohio based hio-hop veteran DEEJAY CENTIPEDE, who has been spinning records since the 80's, and it features Sonny Vajra and Tee Hova...which...means absolutely nothing to me. It's got a certain 90's vibe going on which I guess you could describe as "fresh", with some soft synths poorly underlying some genuinely irritating clapping percussion. A lot of autotune going on in the vocals, and I can't lie, outside of this blog, I wouldn't listen to this...I'd rather be in the middle of a Human Centipede truth be told, but that's just me. As of now I'm outlawing Twerking on GTGC. 

Mother's Cake - "Toxic Brother"

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Austrian psychedelic rock trio MOTHER'S CAKE (Consisting of lead vocalist/guitarist Yves Krismer, bassist Benedikt Trenkwalder and drummer/backing vocalist Jan Haussels) are set to release their new album sometime in the Autumn of 2020, and tease interesting things to come with their latest single "Toxic Brother".

The onslaught of fuzzy guitars and echoed vocals, delivered among a frenetic, up-tempo barrage of stoner sludge-punk is as fun as it is exciting; the energy is real here and it'll easily appeal to fans of say, EXIT_INTERNATIONAL. The gradual fade-out of the track counters the increasing levels of insanity as you can hear the mental breakdown as it happens...this is a solid track.

Smiling Assassin - "National Pride"

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Returning to the UK now and more specifically; Hull, and we have a four-piece hardcore punk outfit by the name of SMILING ASSASSIN. Consisting of vocalist George Garnett, drummer Robbie Johnson, guitarist Josh Rogerson and bassist Casey Stead, they were forwarded to me by the wonderful folk over at Rage PR.

The new socio-political single "National Pride" is taken off the forthcoming album "Plight Of The Millennial" which is penciled for release on May 31st, and it combines all the vitriolic aggression of hardcore punk with the instrumental impatience of trash metal, easily taking influence from the likes of THE EXPLOITED or MUNICIPAL WASTE. It's an intense listen and suggests that the new album is going to be an absolute scorcher.

Hayden Brenen - "Mi Carino (feat. L.D.N.)"

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Now I'll start off by saying this...on initial listen, it's not as annoying as "Despacito"...but I'm not ruling it out overtime. It's another one of this Latino-inspired R'n'B/rap offerings that's meant to sound all smooth and sexy in the club, but I'd rather just sit in the corner with a warm bottle of Bacardi squeezing fresh lime directly into my eyeballs. 

L.D.N's contribution is fine and his rapping isn't bad, probably the most enjoyable aspect of this track in all fairness, but that doesn't really say much. Also, Mi Carino means My Sweety...creepy much. Your Nan singing this is she mate? Bomboclaat don't say shit like sweety fam ya get me? Real talk blud. I just lost the plot, literally watched it run off...

Calling All Astronauts - "Welcome To The Black Bloc"

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We round off this selection of tracks by coming full circle back to London, to find CALLING ALL ASTRONAUTS an their newest single "Welcome To The Black Bloc". The trio (Consisting of vocalist/programmer David B, guitarist JJ and bassist Paul "Buzzsaw McCrudden) mix elements of punk rock attitude and an electronic, almost light industrial tone for their sound, bridging the likes of PITCHSHIFTER, MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE and MINISTRY for a no-nonsense blast of socio-political neo-dystopian noise.

The single is officially released on May 29th, with the new album, entitled "#Resist" dropping shortly after on June 5th, via Supersonic Media which I'm sure is going to an incredibly charged listen.

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Eurovision 2020: Nil Pois

18/5/2020

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Some of you may be thinking, Gav…how many reviews can you shoehorn references to Covid-19 into? Well…my friend, as it happens, as many as I want. You see while a lot of you are crying over 2020 festival season being buggered into next year, I’ve got my own agenda. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy festival experiences, but I am instead honestly quite reclusive, so one of the things I personally look forward to every year is the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST.

Long-time readers will know I usually cover the show in some way shape or form, be it a run-down of finalists, covering past winner’s releases, or even just live-Tweeting the event…this year, I can’t enjoy this. This year I couldn’t look forward to sitting in front of my TV on the rare occasion I do, to watch Graham Norton sarcastically bury a plethora of countries. This year I couldn’t respectfully raise a glass of Bailey’s to Sir Terry Wogan during song 9, (Who am I kidding it’s a bottle of Jack). This year I couldn’t even get annoyed by the very political voting system I expect each and every fucking year as if it’s some shocking conspiracy. Covid-19 brought an end to all of that…and for that…I despise you, even though you’ve given me two months off work paid. 1st world problems, yes, but still. Alas…what I CAN do at least is channel my inner Jim Bowen, and have a look at who could have won, as Eurovision still at least released the 41-track CD of each countries entry. With that said…Good Evening Rotterdam! Open up, and let’s shine a light on the performers to see who gets 12 points….

​I’m going to preface this by stating that no I am NOT going to be analysing every one of the 41 entries as frankly I don’t even think lockdown is long enough for me to do that, but I will mull over my personal highlights, and as usual, the Eurovision double-album does things alphabetically, so we start with Albania. Their entry is “Fall From The Sky”, performed by ARILENA ARA and it’s one of two primary Eurovision tropes…heartfelt ballad, or fucking bonkers. This one falls into ballad category and as an opening track it’s a fairly safe one. The light piano allowing Arilena’s emotive, powerful vocals to really shine and there’s a dramatic intensity to this performance; a wonderful start. If you enjoyed that ballad however, hold on to that thought because you’re going to get sick of them over the next say, I don’t know… album? 

Armenia’s entry “Chains On You” by ATHENA MANOUKAIN tries to modernise things with some middle-eastern inspired trap and mumble rap…as far as the genre goes it’s fine, it’s the kind of thing you’d find Charlie Sloth spinning, but it’s not for me. Australia are still participating even though their initial anniversary guest spot was a few years ago now, and their entry “Don’t Break Me”, performed by MONTAIGNE is…another pop ballad. Granted the modern production and bold yet husky vocals find her somewhere between say, DUA LIPA and SIA in some ways, and it’s not bad. Onion Bhaji are up next…sorry, no, Azerbaijan are up next with “Cleopatra” performed by EFENDI and we get more middle-eastern / Egyptian musical influence, before leading into more Western pop stylistics…up until the part where they start summoning demons and shit…honestly that’s what it sounds like. Seriously, I thought my desk was going to start floating or my eyeballs were going to bleed!

Let’s see what else we have here…Belgium’s entry “Release Me” by HOOVERPHONIC in its own ways sounds like a BTEC version of BILLIE EILISH doing a Bond Theme…that’s the best and only way of describing that, you’re going to have to get way off of my back about that one. Skipping ahead now but keeping a colour scheme it’s Germany who have the next real highlight with the track “Violent Thing” by BEN DOLIC. Sadly the track is about as violent as two kittens having a pillow fight…I was expecting this year’s rock entry or something but we get another up-tempo pop offering. It’s got some brass elements and a bit of funk, and an impressive high note, resulting in quite a catchy little track, but it’s not what I was hoping for. Speaking of getting my hopes up, I ALWAYS look for Finland’s entry since LORDI won it in 2006, and this year, their entry “Looking Back” by AKSEL was…meh. It’s a pleasant indie-pop piece with ample melody, nothing like Lordi, or even SAARA AALTO from 2018; disappointing this one I’m afraid, you let me down Finland.
Next up, we have the United Kingdom…and as a Welshman, you might think I’m going to be biased here, that I’m going to sing praises to our entry as if they’re God’s gift to mainstream music…well I can assure you, that you are wrong. JAMES NEWMAN is our entry for this year with the track “My Last Breath” and I would sooner give up my last breath than have this song win the competition, despite it making things logistically easier for me to attend in 2021. Another copy and paste type of emotional male-led pop song akin to anyone from JAMES ARTHUR or SAM SMITH or any generic bollocks like that…it’s just so bloody boring! Georgia on the other hand, do somewhat peak my interest…”Take Me As I Am” by TORNIKE KIPIANI is, admittedly, lyrically fucking awful, let me make that clear, but the deep, electronic tinged moody indie tones easily mirror the styles and sounds of say, IMAGINE DRAGONS or AWOLATION etc, and this is arguably as dark as things get this year.

Skipping eagerly ahead now as we’re still only about half way here, we get Ireland and honestly…this would have been a contender for the competitions winner to break their own record, securing eight competition victories. “Story Of My Life” by LESLEY ROY gives off some serious KATY PERRY vibes…it’s a bouncy, light-hearted absolute banger of a pop anthem. Sure there’s repetition, a little instrumental monotony and some childish qualities but this is the kind of track you’d understand being all over commercial radio this Summer time…never mind the political voting, Covid-19 potentially robbed Ireland of this year’s win! Do they have any contenders however? Why in fact yes they do, and there is some STRONG competition from Iceland, and who some may say are favourites to win; DAðI FREYR with the song “Think About Things”. A synth-rich, full on disco-funk driven indie track…it is so simple in execution with the most basic of hooks, so much groove in so little effort, this is superb.
Jumping forward then we have THE ROOP with their entry “On Fire” for Lithuania…and it’s another basic pop track with pulsing electronic elements, dance-pop qualities with all of the synth laden hooks, it’s not as good as past winners such as MÅNS ZELMERLÖW for example but it’s along the same vein and personally I enjoy this, it’s arguably my favourite, despite some questionable vocals in places…and the video is as stated above; fucking bonkers. The rest of the album sadly doesn’t really throw up many particular highlights or memorable tracks, other than “Uno” by LITTLE BIG representing Russia. The “Skibidi” outfit had my attention going into the competition don’t get me wrong, but they’ve done better. Granted they’ve likely been heavily censored but still! SKIBIDI WA-PA-POW! The video does make me laugh mind…it’s all in the knees fam.

Romania come in with the track “Alcohol You” and I thought I was being offered a pint in broken English to be honest, so imagine my disappointment when ROXEN starts warbling her moody, sultry vocals…a slow, albeit grandiose track , though KORPIKLAANI drink better to be fair. Serbia rock up then with “Hasta La Vista” and the name alone has me hooked…have HURRICANE been sent from the future by Sky Net to secure Eurovision victory? In short…no…imagine someone installed LimeWire on the T-800 and the sheer amount of internet aids rendered it out of order. I’ll be very surprised if you’ll be back. Eventually then, and finally, we find ourselves at Ukraine, listening to “Solovey” by GO_A, and luckily, we conclude the album on an unorthodox yet enjoyable note. The traditional native tones of the vocal performance and woodwind elements coupled with a solid dance-pop aesthetic allow for a genuinely soothing and fun listen…I mean I haven’t got a fucking clue what they are saying but I like it!

After all of that, it really is heart-breaking to know that, given Eurovision’s six-decade legacy and tradition, none of the above entries will be able to represent their respective nations and try to put themselves in the history books. Granted some of these songs work better as a stage performance with character and gimmicks as opposed to straight up audio content, but that doesn’t detract what would have been an entertaining evening of live entertainment and multicultural acceptance of diversity. I know I rant and roast but I honestly enjoy the Eurovision Song Contest…I look forward to it every year, and hopefully it comes back all guns blazing in 2021. Where…who knows…no country has ever done two in a row from winning, so will Holland get to host again on a technicality? We can only wait and see…until then, Europe, you’re a beautiful bunch of bastards, for the record, I didn’t vote for Brexit I voted remain…and as far as Covid-19 goes…nil pois.
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Ekko The Strange - "Haunting Me"

13/5/2020

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If you cast your mind back to 1992, you may remember Sega as one of the biggest, most influential names in home gaming consoles…Playstation wasn’t even a thing yet, so while Nintendo of course had Mario, Zelda and Metroid, their biggest competition came from the likes of Sonic, Alex Kidd and other, obscure and forgotten characters. One such unlikely hero, would have his own pretty successful series of games, where he would complete underwater puzzles, communicate with marine life, use cunning to eventually travel through time to rescue his loved ones by defeating aliens…was this some sort of, early Aquaman game?! Actually no, I’m talking about a fucking dolphin; Ecco The Dolphin, to be precise…

If you remember Ecco you’ll likely remember the games difficulty, comprising of underwater mazes, and the limited oxygen supply which was realistic for the time, but it also had some stunning 16-bit graphics and a wonderfully composed soundtrack of ambient, retro synth-wave and light electronica, perfectly encapsulating the cool, underwater atmosphere…well as it happens, if you take the core elements of that mood and aesthetic, add some percussion and a little attitude, oh, and make the dolphin wear eyeliner, you may as well have today’s artist; EKKO THE STRANGE. (I really need to calm down on these segue’s, fucking hell)

Ekko The Strange was formed very recently in and around Warsaw, Poland, by C Bock Vermeer, who had previously done a 10-year stint in American post-rock outfit REVOLT REVOLT. Wanting to escape these trappings, he traveled the world looking for inspiration before eventually settling in the Polish capital to complete the brand new mini album “Haunting Me”, courtesy of Hi-Fi Mantra Records. At only eight tracks long with a half an hour run-time, it’s a brief blast from the post-punk past. Ecco was a difficult game…so let’s see if Ekko is a difficult listen.

We open up with “Noc Shift” and it sets the tone for the record as well as sets your expectations low from very early on quite sadly. Yes it has some deep, fuzzy electronica that gives off this pulsing, almost hypnotic vibe, but it’s as monotonous as it is deep, with very little of any interest happening over its run time. Given its simplicity, and the repetitive loop that it’s on, I’d say at best this could be one of those pre-set practice pieces that come built into keyboards (True story, I have a Yamaha keytar that has “Last Christmas” by WHAM built in that I enjoy more than this), I can’t see any other practical use for this track. “Soft Decay” then improves so much with the mere presence of vocals and the sound takes on a whole new direction. There’s a darkness to the track that channels the likes of BAUHAUS and JOY DIVISION in an eerie, simplistic, indie approach , allowing for ample atmosphere, sounding like it’s been plucked straight out of the early 80’s, and this works well.

Continuing in this vein is “Transylvania Found Me” and it harbours those same despondent musical influences; maintaining its steady, cold electronic rhythm  while also incorporating a certain, retro-futuristic vibe akin to say, ALIEN SEX FIEND, combining the past with the future for a synthetic mind-fuck. “Mutante” despite its instrumental nature provides the albums only other highlight, sounding like it’s crept right out of a horror movie soundtrack, with its hollow, chilling keys and atmospheric delivery…you can picture the black & white b-movie now; you’re being stalked by the creature, the alien life form, he gonna eat yo’ ass! This is what’s playing in the background. Other than that, the album fails to inspire…

The few tracks left, are fairly monotonous…”Future Mirrors”  despite some almost, Arabian instrumentation fails to inspire despite the cultural appropriation,  while closing track “Ekkos Of A Dead World” is literally depressing. Remember the bit from Monty Python’s Holy Grail where they cry ‘bring out your dead?’ Imagine that with no humour…just pile on the corpses that died of boredom because of this track. Musically, this is the Covid-19 equivalent of counting cadavers only less entertaining. Is there an audience for this? Possibly there is…but with a death toll already in the thousands, we don’t need to add suicide to those statistics. Forget haunting me, I’ma call Zak Bagan to exorcise this record…it’s reached its final destination; hell. [3]

WWW.HIFIMANTRA.COM/EKKO-THE-STRANGE
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ROCKDOWN: A Fuel Rock Club Benefit Compilatoin

3/4/2020

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This isn’t a review as such…but more of a call to arms if you will. Now, while I’ve touched on the current Coronavirus pandemic in recent reviews in a predominantly light-hearted manner, or at least trying to make light of the situation to maybe try to boost morale, it is in so many aspects in fact, a VERY serious situation. Businesses are shutting down, people are losing their jobs, people are losing their means to support their families, hell; people are fucking DYING! In such a time of need for many in an age of advanced communication and technology, some of us have never felt so far apart and, given the unprecedented nature of this global pandemic, it’s a hard realisation.

While the government (Here in the UK at least) is doing what it can to help certain businesses cover expenses while the country is on lock down, not everyone is fortunate enough to benefit from such subsidies and this is where both you and your local music venues come in. Small and independent venues have had a hard enough time over the last couple of years as it is, with several having to close doors up and down the country for financial reasons, or for dodgy housing development projects etc, so the last thing they need is a forced closure due to some Asian-ass virus because some dude in China did an Ozzy Osbourne with an infected bat.

I can’t say with certainty that your local venue is doing the same right now (Though if they are I urge you to support in any which way you can) but FUEL ROCK CLUB in Cardiff is one of the clubs that would be incredibly grateful for your support.  The award winning bar/venue situated in Womanby Street in the Welsh capital naturally relies on its punters and gig goers to pay the bills and the wages…but under forced closure, they face difficult times. Luckily, while we may not be currently able to attend the club in person, we can still help and support the club during this testing time, thanks to a new compilation album.

XIII PROMOTIONS
based out of Cardiff have reached out to 30 bands and artists who have played, performed or promoted at the club, to piece together a 30-track compilation entitled “Rock Down: A Fuel Rock Club Benefit Compilation”. Available on Bandcamp as a digital download for £7.50, all proceeds raised will go towards ensuring the club doesn’t fall onto harder times that it’s already been put under, by contributing to venue upkeep etc while they have no custom. It’s a hell of an eclectic compilation, ranging from black and death metal, to punk, post-rock, blues, funk and even electronica, showcasing a plethora of genres represented by multiple scenes, who all support Fuel.  The link to Fuel’s Facebook is below, so if you can, go and buy some Fuel merch through their official channels, and the bandcamp link is also included. My personal favourites include tracks by GLASS HEART and BONDAGE FAIRIES…but there’s literally something for everyone here. Go check it out, it’s for a wholesome cause.

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/FUELCARDIFF
WWW.XIIIPROMOTIONS.BANDCAMP.COM/RELEASES
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The Birthday Massacre - "Diamonds"

30/3/2020

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LESLEY GORE once famously sang the now immortal words “It’s My Party And I’ll Cry If I Want To”…and the way 2020 is going so far, a lot of us have related in some way. We hardly got chance to celebrate the new year really; we had the insane and catastrophic Australian bush fires kicking the year off, the UK was battered by some of the worst storms in years resulting in some horrendous Welsh flooding, not to mention the on-going fiasco that is Covid-19! It’s only fucking March! Honestly I would not be surprised if April brought with it an alien invasion!

All of this has naturally disrupted the lives of millions over the last three months, especially the pandemic, and as I mentioned in my recent ALKALINE TRIO review the music industry has taken a hit…but what about us every day folk? Everything is either on hold or has been scrapped, with employment being frozen and the government suggesting we all isolate, a lot of plans have gone nipples north. Just this weekend me and some friends were meant to be getting biblically drunk in Bristol for my good friend Izzy’s birthday celebrations, but Corona sadly put a stop to that. I don’t know what’d be worse to be honest…catching Corona or the state of my liver when we finally get to catch up!

There are millions in the same boat however, and frankly we have A LOT of overdue birthday bashes to catch up on. Luckily, thanks to Metropolis Records, today’s ironically named band helped us celebrate while stuck in lock down; THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE. The Canadian synth-goth veterans were forced to release their latest album “Diamonds” early as businesses closed up for the Coronavirus lock down…resulting in them in their own way, giving us an early birthday present. At only 9 tracks long it’s one of their shorter offerings, but remember; it’s not the size of the present, it’s the thought behind it that counts…so let’s check it out.

The album opens up with “Enter” and we’re immediately met with some light keys that give off an innocent, 80’s pop vibe as we transition into the main beat and rhythm of the track. The simplicity of the instrumentation allowing Chibi’s sweet vocals to take center stage and it really is a blissful little number. The chorus brings with it more guitar and they blend more of their grittier style into the retro-synth sound and this is classic Birthday Massacre; simple, catchy and repeatable…a superb start. We follow this with promotional single “The Sky Will Turn” and we slow the tempo right down to more of a brooding, colder synth style, allowing for the darker aspects of the band’s sound to shine through like the full moon in a murky night sky…beautiful but chilling and quite awe-inspiring.

This continues through the title track “Diamonds” as well as cuts like “Crush” which use the down-tempo delivery to great effect, building up atmosphere and mood, channelling their gothic influences wonderfully, balancing subtle vocal and synth hooks with a darker, dispirited tone. Tracks like these prove The Birthday Massacre really are like diamonds themselves… oh so precious, but to many sadly they remain hidden gems. What this album IS lacking is some of their past, anthemic-style darkwave floor-fillers such as “One Promise” and “Walking With Strangers”, and the nearest we get to that here really is “Run”. Utilizing an almost DEPECHE MODE sense of deep melody, it flows delicately through each verse before kicking in with a grittier, guitar driven chorus.

Depeche Mode aren’t the only sounds you can pick up on either…during “Flashback” some of the guitar tones resemble the likes of ORGY in their futuristic, synthetic delivery, while “The Last Goodbye” harbours more of an accessible electronic-pop sound you may get from the likes of PET SHOP BOYS, before we round things off with closing track “Parallel World”; the calming synth ballad creating a dreamscape so apropos to its title, your mind wandering as Chibi serenades on.  

The Birthday Massacre never try to reinvent the wheel and this is what makes them so consistently good; they have their distinct style and they own it. They’ve proven time and time again that you don’t fix what isn’t broken, and “Diamonds”, arguably one of the strongest albums of their career to date, proves that. These are uncertain, often worrying times, but Chibi and co are themselves the diamonds in the rough here, but if we’re stuck at home in quarantine and isolation, you couldn’t ask for better company. Our own birthday’s may have been massacred, but the sky WILL turn, we just have to ride this out together.  [9]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/THEBIRTHDAYMASSACRE
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3FORCE - "Divide & Collide"

16/2/2020

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If you cast your mind back to this past December, you may (Or may not) remember some of the albums I listed in my 2019 Top 20’s…some of which I reviewed here, others I may have reviewed for the likes of All About The Rock or, Astral Noize…but others I didn’t review at all. To be more specific, as well as my usual lists covering rock/metal, EP’s and my overall favourites, I’m always sure to cover my Top 20 Pop albums. I don’t really (Or at least very often) review pop music here, but I will listen to a lot of pop and keep track of what’s new as best I can. This brings us my number one pop album of 2019; “The Light” by SCANDROID, which ties in nicely with today’s review.

I’ve mentioned Scandroid, as well as Klayton’s other projects here on numerous occasions, as I’ve been lucky enough to have regular submissions from his record label FiXT, but while I very much enjoyed his most recent retro-pop endeavours, I haven’t showcased the label in some time now…but that’s about to change. Let me introduce you to 3FORCE. 3Force are an electronic/retrowave trio from St. Petersburg, Russia, and are one of a growing number of artists on the FiXT / FiXT Neon roster. Consisting of members Dmitry Gancher, Aleksey Ruin and Andrey Eyescream, they recently released their latest collection of tracks via the new album “Divide & Collide”. I’m just glad their name is in English…because fuck trying to pronounce три силы! Let’s check them out.

The album opens up with “Shape Shifter” and given the genre I’m immediately envisioning were-folk throwing down absurd shapes on a blinding neon dance floor, a la An American Werewolf In Paris. I digress; the track itself is a purely instrumental one…initially a slow starter, it gradually builds atmospheric synths not unlike the Stranger Things title screen, but soon comes to life; rich in pulsing electronica and regimented percussion…the 80’s aesthetic oozes from each and every keyboard note. A fine piece of music but no more than a glorified intro track ultimately…not that it stops Lycans shaking booty though.

Next up we have the first of the albums collaborations and it comes courtesy of Robin Adams on the track “Uprising”. The UK-based musician/vocalist provides a slightly rockier vibe to an otherwise GLITCH MOB sounding piece of electro/alt.-pop, but it works very well. It houses certain funk elements in places and the former CELLDWELLER collaborator allows the track to explore a plethora of avenues. Robin shows up again on “Guardian Angel” but here, musically at least it’s not as intense, his grating vocals giving the more subdued track its character. Fellow FiXT label-mates RAIZER join proceedings on the track “Lost & Found” and we’re given a lighter, more melodic mix, allowing for a more pop-based retro style…while Scandroid themselves get in on the action on the track “Abyss”. As distinct as the resulting sound is, and as enjoyable as it is…it suffers with a pretty repetitive and unimaginative chorus that brings an otherwise enjoyable track down.

Surprisingly though, a lot of the albums highlights do come courtesy of instrumental offerings which speaks volumes of the quality of sound 3Force have managed to recapture. “Future Frame” in particular perfectly bridging that gap between throwback techno and modern dance-pop, it’s like something Creamfields would belt out at 2am to a throng of ketamine fuelled cretins…in a good way,  while “Outcome Theory”, “Insect” and later on “Celestial Squad” reinforce the strength of the album as a whole. A lot of artists have been capitalising on this retro trend in recent years, riding a wave of nostalgia celebrating that throwback, 80’s aesthetic, and 3Force are no different, but they manage to retain a crisp, fresh sound as opposed to sounding recycled. That said FiXT have a solid track record with cherry picking quality electronic artists, and these Russians bolster an already impressive roster on the back of this album, which has more killer hooks than Ivan Drago. A recommended listen comrade… [7]

FIXTSTORE.COM/COLLECTIONS/3FORCE
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    Gavin J Griffiths, a.k.a GavTheGothicChav, lover of new music and supporter of bands. Inspired by a mixture of horror and comedy, and fueled by a blend of alcohol and sarcasm...if you're a singer / in a band and would like a review written up, please do get in touch via the email address at the top of the page and I'll get back to you ASAP. Much love x

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