Category: EP

Sam Smith - "A Lonely Christmas" EP

24/12/2023

“It’s Christmas time...there’s no need to be afraid...”. Never has a lyric been sung so confidently, yet with such naivety, than that opening line of the BAND AID single “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”. The festive fear is in fact; justified. Yes, it’s that time of year, where retail stores, radios, adverts and office parties run through the Groundhog Day that is the classic Christmas soundtrack. The same tired, tested and tedious tracks year in year out, like some sort of glitch in Santa’s grotto, AKA an Amazon warehouse.

We’re in the year 2023, but the likes of MARIAH CAREY continue to emerge from their seasonal slumber, to sacrifice some poor souls, allowing her acidulous screeching's to earn her royalties. PAUL McCARTNEY spends an entire year trying to teach his choirboys just to sing “Ding Dong Ding Dong”... easily, undoubtedly the world’s shittiest choir. Come on lads, you’ve got TWO words to learn, put the priest's penis down and concentrate! I mean it can’t possibly get much worse? Surely? There’s no need to be afraid, right? Wrong. The following EP will make you wish you had coal in your stocking, and it caught fire, and burnt your house down, not only ruining your turkey, but killing your family too. We’re talking about SAM SMITH and the “A Lonely Christmas” EP.

Sam has been in the limelight quite a lot this year, be it collaborating with KIM PETRAS on super-single “Unholy”, which, credit where it’s due, became one of the year's biggest pop songs, while promoting the latest album “Gloria” ...or, be it through image and presentation via some abhorrent fashion choices. Now, let’s get this out of the way, I don’t particularly give a shit about pronouns, it all makes less sense to me than the cinnamon challenge, or eating Tide pods. Too many misinformed youngsters jumping on another bandwagon let’s be honest. If Sam wants to identify as a non-binary, he/she/they/them/it/what/the/actual/fuck then, that’s a they/them problem. Frankly pronouns are the least of his worries; I haven’t gotten to the music yet. “A Lonely Christmas” is less four tracks of merriment, more, four tracks of Mary, the DNA tests show that Joseph IS NOT THE FATHER!!!! (The audience gasps, Mary, you slag!). Like an audible Glasgow kiss under the mistletoe, let’s tackle this tinsel covered tragedy head on...

We open up with “Night Before Christmas” and I assure you not a creature is stirring here. They aren’t concerned about Santa catching them peeking, they are just bored shitless. It’s an incredibly cliched Christmas ballad, fuelled by slow percussion, the softest of bluesy guitar notes and delicate underlying piano keys. Sam’s husky vocals are delivered in a lulling, melodic fashion and it harks back to the likes of early ELVIS PRESLEY, while soulfully channelling MICHAEL BUBLE in its soft croon. As traditional as it may sound, let's be honest, the night before Christmas is typically filled with excitement, with wonder. You leave your milk, cookies and carrots out for Santa and his reindeer...but we all know they are on a full-on cocaine trip. If you think Santa can cover the globe in one night, on cookies, milk and carrots, maybe some mince pies, without copious amounts of cocaine, you belong with the children. Reindeers fly with magic ‘dust’, yeah? Oh, and you saw mommy kissing Santa Claus? She’s having an affair, your parents are getting divorced, but, you get two Christmases. Yay!

We follow up with “The Lighthouse Keeper”, and other than one solitary reference to Christmas, it’s a generic love-lorn ballad. Conceptually guiding a loved one home to your open arms. It’s sweet with its orchestral elements, traditional vibe and aesthetic, but Sam is so vocally beige. He tries to be soulful in his hushed presentation, but there are jokes in crackers with more life than this. You know how CHRIS REA is driving home for Christmas? Lost, every year? A sat-nav would fix his problems, get him home to his family, FINALLY...Sam bought a TomTom but with two very masculine names it was too cis male for him to cope with. An electronic device with a more confident gender identity is too much in 2023.

Next up we have “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”, of JUDY GARLAND fame. A truly nostalgic, festive classic, made even more famous by the likes of FRANK SINATRA etc. A timeless track, best delivered in that crackly, early Hollywood croon, and with that said, no, scrap that. Forget I even mentioned it. Sam warbles it like the worst rendition of “America The Beautiful” at Wrestlemania... seriously...every year artists perform it because Mr, McMahon prefers it to the star-spangled banner, but this is more like a scarred, strangled cat. He just emptied the jazz lounge, and Santa just phoned in sick. Hundreds of millions of kids are waiting for toys, and the Chinese children can't handle the overtime you prick! That’s how depressing this track is. Alright his voice carries well, with soulful vibrato...but it’s like, asking for Minecraft, and your grampa gets you Mein Kampf.

Finally, then we finish up on “Palace” ...no reference to Christmas, just an acoustic ballad about more love-loss, courtesy of some legitimately poetic lyrics. Quaint, but the same old, same old... over these four tracks, Sam never shifts out of first gear. A competent vocalist, I’ll concede, but here he’s a one-trick pony. Similar tones, similar keys, identical delivery; overall monotonous in his presentation, which sucks for the holidays. Sam has done well for himself, that’s undeniable, regardless of his fashion sense, but his music on this instance, is about as festive as breast cancer. We complain that artists from the last 40 to 50 years saturate the Christmas market, year in, year out, but when modern artists like Sam are putting out depressing drivel like this, you’re actually ok with WIZZARD. Christmas music is a strange phenomenon as it is...it’s either too cheesy, or too sad. Rarely you’ll find a song that genuinely makes you feel festive...Sam sadly falls on the sad side of that chocolate coin. If anyone enjoys this...you DESERVE a lonely Christmas to be honest...[1]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/SAMSMITHWORLD

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Regina Hardon - "Bucket Pussy" EP

19/11/2023

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You’ll know and understand by now that, I seldom take myself seriously when it comes to my written review content. Don’t get me wrong, there are albums that I do genuinely adore, and occasionally a new band, or artist will pop up that I legitimately recommend and promote wholeheartedly, but, for the most part, I prefer the challenges of the downright questionable.

There are records by the likes of say, COREY FELDMAN or, BIG DUMB FACE that I’ve tried to be fair with, despite me needing to clean grey matter from under my fingernails, having scratched my head so hard out of confusion. But neither of these were necessarily offensive to my eardrums, despite the low scores, just, stylistically quirky in their own right; unique in many aspects, and unashamedly indulgent in the particular artistic avenues they chose to travel down.

There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s funny when they get upset. Corey, I accept if I got it wrong when I thought you were in one of the “Sharknado” films... HOWEVER, you proudly correcting me that you were instead in an indie-flick about periods that nobody has heard of is no better. That isn’t cult status, that’s a typo. Wes Borland? I gave your Big Dumb sequel a 5 out of 10, because I was honestly on the fence. I didn’t hate it, I just explained that it’s been a long time since the first big dumb album...people tend to forget. People were going to listen to the new one and think, what in the ever-loving fuck is this?! It’s like, you expect some LIMP BIZKIT, but when you open the tin its Nan’s sewing kit. I digress.

However, there are then those records that exist in spite of common decency...the kind of art that would wipe the smile off of even Bob Ross’ face. The kind of content that, if spoken of in a confession booth, would find the priest asking for forgiveness while hiding your body. Such records include that WILLIAM SHATNER blues album...that “Ram Ranch” album which is less yee-haw and more hell-naw, and we can’t forget KIM PETRAS. That last one ties us into today’s review...let me explain.

If you recall, Kim’s “Slut Pop” EP was quite simply filth. I mean it delivered on its promise, being one of the sluttiest selections of sexualised dance-pop anyone has ever heard outside of a Brazzers shoot. But it has a challenger. Let me, try to introduce you to REGINA HARDON. Little is known about Regina; to the point where we don’t particularly know if she’s even actually real, with some suggesting it’s some sort of AI project. Allegedly UK based, the only biography I can find on her is riddled with nonsense and there is nothing but mystique surrounding her. This year found her releasing her debut EP; “Bucket Pussy”, as she implores the listener to “grab a raincoat and explore her anatomy”. I implore you to grab your toaster and run a bath...let’s get this over with.

The EP opens up (I mean it’s practically gaping to be honest) with “Call Me Kim”. While contextually you could believe this to be a direct nod to Miss Petras, for opening the floodgates for such content, it’s more than likely an out-of-date reference to Kim Kardashian given some of the lyrics, and once again it’s the lyrics that grab your attention harder than Donald Trump can grab a pussy.

It’s for the best part a track about getting dicked and making a sex tape essentially, and some of this lyricism is simply poetic. “Come in my room lets have some fun, see how many dicks you can fit in my bum” ...you going for a Guinness world record love? How many do you need up there like? “Rub my clit let's make a porno, make sure you strum it just like a banjo” ...ah yes, the banjo, the most seductive of instruments. Nothing says passionate love making like the sound of being sodomised by hillbillies. “Swallow your kids – call it child neglect” and “Murder this bussy like you’re Jeffrey Dahmer” ...make you double-take, but the following lines legitimately made me laugh out loud. “Think I queefed when you went down on me, blasted you away like Hurricane Sandy” and last but by no means least, “Find my clitoris, make me wet, pussy talk French oui oui baguette”. Words evade me I swear...we’re only one track in and I’m at a loss. We haven’t even touched on the music. It's slow, low and synth-driven with minimal clapped percussion with light high-hat dustings...it’s frankly irrelevant. Seriously, it’s ONLY background noise as she spoken-word raps away in a very flat, lifeless manner; this is awful.

We follow up with “In The Air” and we’ve got more of a pulsing electronic aesthetic kicking things off, before the first line “Took a shit in the shower”. Marvellous. She didn’t even waffle stomp it down the plug hole, dirty bitch. The vocal delivery here is more regimented, almost bullet pointed and cold, very synthetic in presentation, and it remains this way for the track's duration in more of that spoken word style. She’s on about, doing yoga on the pole, paying for drinks with her hole, all the while at the bar with her dad? More absurd lyrics about sex and it’s really quite one-dimensional already. In the air? In the bin with this one.

Halfway there now and we have her first single I believe; “Never Been To Mexico”. Now, I myself have never been to Mexico, but I promise you this instant, you’ll never see me writing and recording songs about riding dick because of it. I don’t care how good the tacos are. Apparently, it’s about giving sexual favours in return for being spoiled with exotic holidays and such, sort of unashamedly sugar-daddy-ish. The instrumentation again is minimal at best, some synth-effects giving off an echoed sound, with more basic high-hat tickling. More lines like “My bum is soft like an uncooked chicken breast” continue to ensure this is utterly ridiculous and it’s already not funny by this point. You’ve probably never been to Mexico because they won’t allow you into the country, on account of you likely being so incredibly infectious with a catalogue of STD’s. North America wouldn’t have seen such devastation to its populations health since Columbus landed!

There’s nothing subtle about our next track; “Sitting On His Face”. It’s got this almost icy hip-hop / trap style beat which gives it more of an urban vibe, which does admittedly accompany Regina’s vocal delivery better, but that’s about as much of a compliment you’ll get out of me for this entire EP. Her spoken style and presentation here honestly reminds me of that LOUIS THEROUX money jiggle-jiggle rap, that’s how toneless we’re talking. Some of the lyrics here are outright nasty, like, seriously I want to jet wash my ear drums with a flamethrower. “I start to cream but its green cause I’m clapped” and “His tongue is in my sandwich; he’s having a picnic” nearly put me off my kebab. NEARLY.

Finally, then we finish on (No I won't say that I won't give it the satisfaction), we conclude this EP with the title track, “Bucket Pussy” and we’d have been naïve to expect anything different here really, wouldn’t we? It’s another subdued, lightly synth layered, percussive piece of background noise for more eloquently delivered smut, as she proudly describes the sheer enormity of her massive apocalyptic minge. There is a slight key change to her vocals on the chorus, if you can call it that...so there IS progression...but it’s far, far too little too late for redemption at this point.

Given the lack of variety in Regina’s monotone vocal delivery it’s easy to see where the AI accusations come from, as well as the lack of information and photos, but regardless of if she is some computer-generated project or not, this EP is about as entertaining as chemotherapy and about as welcome as Jimmy Saville hosting BBC's Children In Need. The music is an afterthought and contributes next to nothing of merit, while the flat delivery of such strumpet loaded lyrics makes you wonder, what is the point? There is the briefest period of amusement on first listen given the ridiculousness of the content, but the shock value and humour dissipates well before the end of this five-track EP. I could let a Brazilian wandering spider bite me directly on the dick and I still wouldn’t get hard for Regina here, honestly, I think we’ve found a cure for priapism. This is one of the single worst things I’ve heard in my entire life. Sure, I’ll call you Kim, but I’m calling my ass an Uber because having listened to that, I’m off to the GUM clinic. [0]

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Junksista - "Oxytocin High" EP

24/5/2022

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If you cast your mind back to February, you may remember I reviewed an EP by the name of “Fuck Your Pretty Face”, by German, alternative techno-pop duo JUNKSISTA. For the record I didn’t, nor haven’t; I can’t reach, but, that’s beside the point. Anyway, as stated in the review, there is history between both parties, as the rapport has always been tongue-in-cheek but, respectful. Whether vocalist Diana sends me new material with a sly smile; seeing if I’ll bite and accept the challenge, or, whether it’s me laughing at a ridiculous lyric or song title; it’s wholesome ribbing.

While the EP in question had some meaning, within its own narrative at least, primarily the title track, plus a decent surprise courtesy of a random KISS cover, the EP lacked in the overall absurdity that I had familiarised myself with. This brings us to the here and now, and, merely three months later, the duo have returned with yet another brand-new EP entitled “Oxytocin High”. If previous releases are anything to go by, I could do with some drugs to get through this! With that being said, let’s dust off the old walk-man, pop in that cassette tape and hope we remember how to fucking work the damn thing...

We kick things off with the title track, and it’s time to do a little googling; what actually IS oxytocin? Are we about to get off our tits on some, brain-melting, kaleidoscopic hallucinogens? I should be so lucky. It’s actually a hormone produced in the hypothalamus, and known as the “love hormone”, it helps facilitate childbirth and aftercare. It plays a vital role in emotional bonding and, feeling a connection between people...allegedly. I think my brain is out of stock in that department. I digress, the track gets underway with some pulsing electronic notes, and some hushed, autotuned vocals, as Diana asks “Why can’t you be fucking happy?” ...and it’s a good question.

It’s a song about contentment; the idea of chasing a love, or, a bond you may never find; not satisfied, the grass being forever greener on every other side, and needing to realise the quick thrill of that, one moment of passion, lust and wanting, isn’t going to make you happy in the long run. You’ll forever be chasing your next fix, romantically and emotionally, eventually failing to feel satisfaction, and it wonderfully uses our desire for love, comfort, and togetherness as a flaw. It’s a deep song, but it’s balanced by an incredibly light, bubbly, retro synth-pop aesthetic that’s been plucked straight out of the 80’s with a modern dance vibe, and it works.

We follow this up with EP highlight “Aerobic” and while it tonally could easily match ERIC PRYDZ for dirty dance anthem sensuality, I went into this thinking exclusively of Douglas Reynholm conducting secretive sexy dance classes. All of the short-shorts and hip-thrusting going on with this one, getting a proper sweat on by here! The track itself is a lively, pulsing piece of electronica, with up-beat pop vibes aplenty and some clap-along percussion; it’s the kind of track you’d imagine the lad's sniffing ketamine to in Kooler’s in Merthyr Tydfil. I like this.

Next up, we get “Whore On The Floor” and... it’s a little disappointing. On face value, you’d think KIM PETRAS has highjacked the track to continue her slut-pop revolution; dancing her knickers off, bleating her way around the club like the very throat goat she claims she is, but really, it’s a slow, anti-climactic track. The whore might be on the floor, but, she’s out for the count, and you just want to call her a taxi home. Poor girl’s been on her knees all day give her a rest! Other than some minimalist catchy synths, this is incredibly tame by comparison to the aforementioned and I hereby challenge Diana to lyrically out-slut Kim Petras. Maybe even a collaboration? Who knows? Fuck, that’s who...fuck knows.

Last time around we highlighted their KISS cover; "I Was Made For Loving You", which genuinely suited them aesthetically, but here we have another cover to potentially appeal to a wider audience, and it comes in the form of SALT-N-PEPPA classic “Push It”. While it retains a lot of the tracks original 80’s quirkiness, it does come across as more of a medley or, a mash up, with original lyrics and snippets of THE KINKS thrown in for good measure, and to be perfectly honest, it’s better. It’s more of a substantial version, with less filler and it’s not like it’s been musically drawn-out needlessly. Credit where it’s due, they’ve got a knack for picking covers than work for them. The final track then is just a remix of the title track and it’s your typical, generic dance-inspired remix; nothing spectacular whatsoever and nothing worth mulling over.

Overall, it appears that, while there are still subtle nods to some of that aforementioned absurdity, Junksista are slowly but surely taking their ass off the whoopee cushion. Believe me when I say this; the band are maturing, but I don’t mean it in a patronising way, there is a genuine, evolution in the duo’s lyricism, and while they still have their little digs here and there, they aren’t over the top. Going forward, they are even more so now, situated to be at the forefront of a fresh generation of alternative synth-wave, and could easily keep the genre alive and kicking.

Previous efforts may not have contributed to the release of much oxytocin, I’ll level with you, but steadily, you can be a junkie for Junksista and not feel ashamed. Controlled doses, I guess? Perfect? No. Diana’s vocal delivery, with her spoken word, hushed tones, ARE niche, but they are delivering catchy tracks that will get them increasingly picked up at alt. Club nights across Europe, and I do believe there are bigger and better things to come. In the meantime, the club is now closed, and there is still a whore on the floor...I have hoovering to do...is she dead? [6]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/JUNKSISTA

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Popping666Cherries - "Heaven & Hell" EP

6/3/2022

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Finding and, in-turn writing about new bands, isn’t necessarily always about the music... it allows you to discover, and thus learn about new places as well. For instance, today we’ll be taking a little field trip up into Scotland, and more specifically, a town called Troon.

A quiet coastal town situated in West Ayrshire, it’s a place you’ve probably heard of if you’re a fan of golf, with it not only having the Royal Troon Golf Course, which occasionally hosts the Open Championship, but it’s the birthplace of Colin Montgomerie; one of the most successful to ever swing a golf club. Other than that? Well...aside from a couple of footballers, it’s fair to say that it’s not exactly a place that comes to mind about...anything. Especially music. Can today’s band change that?

Let me introduce you to POPPING666CHERRIES. Now before we even press play, we have to address this name...we all know that’s there’s a certain sense of edgier appeal in this sort of thing; just look at the likes of ADOLF SATAN, or the majestically titled ANAL CUNT, but they roll off the tongue a lot easier. Merely SAYING Popping666Cherries, is frankly just as hard, as finding the 666 virgins on a Scottish council estate to begin with. Speaking of council estates...the cover art for their latest EP “Heaven & Hell” looks so bleak and desolate it makes Mad Max’s own dystopian post-apocalypse look like a day out in fucking Disneyland. I’m sure Crosbie Church and cemetery would have made for a far happier visual. Nevertheless, we have music to check out, and, they did ask nicely.

The EP opens up with “Family Ties” and, musically this isn’t what I was expecting truth be told. It’s got quite a light, almost bubbly electronic aesthetic...it sounds like it’s been plucked right out of that, early, proto-goth experimental era, combining the likes of NEW ORDER with the most subtle of industrial underlays. It’s honestly not unpleasant, until we get to vocalist Gwen Smith, that is. Her vocals are at such a juxtaposition here with the music it takes you a minute to let it sink in. Her incredibly gruff, almost spoken-word delivery does little but clash with the up-beat instrumentation and it’s bordering on off-putting, but we’ll see where this goes.

We follow this with arguably the EP’s two strongest offerings; “Candyman” and “GSquad”. The former, while realistically drawn out at just shy of five minutes, musically, does make good use of those 80’s post-punk influences, and its strength is in Its simplicity. The rhythm here, coupled with the sharper electronic notes and indie-based guitar style is, instrumentally at least, quite catchy and could be utilised for a much better track. The latter then, takes those post-punk ideologies and indulges further in the darker, bass-rich soundscapes of say, SISTERS OF MERCY and again, could genuinely lay the foundations for a really good gothic-rock track. Sadly, it’s front-woman Gwen here who let’s everything down. I mean, in terms of her performance, it’s hard to put a finger on it. Imagine, like, hooking up an 8-Track cassette recorder directly to one of Lemmy’s lungs following his 1,000th Marlboro of the morning, while using South Park’s Ned Gerblansky as inspiration tonally, and instead of using an actual recording booth, it’s a sewer.

The last two tracks then sadly act as nothing more than filler. “Over The Edge” does have its almost, 69 EYES inspired guitar tones from their formative gothic-rock years, think, “Framed In Blood” era, while closing track then “Fire And Desire” houses a much darker, blackened aesthetic when it gets going, which cushions the more lust-fuelled, almost seductively sacrificial, very sexual lyrics. There’s a strong BDSM vibe layered throughout the track but I truly believe even Pinhead himself would think twice...

Ultimately, while I appreciate Gwen getting in touch for this, sadly this has for the most part, disappointed. There are plenty of moments over the course of the five tracks that hold great promise, as they’ve nailed that classic crossover sound of post-punk, early electronica and a dusting of industrial swarf, and that aspect of the band works just fine, but the vocals aren’t up to the task. The inspirations of ANNE RICE, EDGAR ALLAN POE, some of my own personal favourite bands, horror, mythology and hell even fetishism, told me I was potentially in for a great time with this EP, and I wanted to enjoy this so badly, but it wasn’t to be. We’ll end here on a more positive note though...cherry pips are a source of amygdalin, which your body converts to cyanide. Take those 666 cherry pips and chew them up nice and good before you listen to anymore. You can thank me when I bust out the Ouija board. [3]

WWW.POPPING666CHERRIES.COM

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Junksista - "Fuck Your Pretty Face" EP

6/2/2022

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Pennywise the dancing clown...a trans-dimensional being that returns to Derry, Maine, every 27-years to feed upon the fear of the children, devouring them to a chorus of NENA’s “99 Red Balloons”...(I wish). The Creeper...a ferocious, cannibalistic, cryptid-esque humanoid monster, that roams the back roads of Northern Florida every 23-years, feeding on the unlucky chosen few, as it harvests their body parts to regenerate, and prolong its own necrotic existence. JUNKSISTA...a German alternative electro duo, that seemingly return every four years to challenge me musically and punch me right in the twat. Allow me to elaborate.

Back in 2014, Diana Noir and Boog, who make-up Junksista, released an album by the name of “High Voltage Confessions”, and upon review I didn’t hesitate to confess my disdain for the utter cringeworthy lyricism. Most artists are, or can be, put-off by negative feedback, but credit to the duo, they came back in 2018 with “Promiscuous Tendencies”, and with a wink and a cheeky smile, they challenged me for round two, and I have to be honest, I was humbled. Now don’t get me wrong...the follow up wasn’t a masterpiece, but everything from the style instrumentally, more serious lyrics and production quality HAD improved, and they provided some genuinely catchy tracks. Now...in 2022, Diana has gotten in touch and forwarded me their brand-new EP, charmingly titled “Fuck Your Pretty Face”...let’s smear some makeup for round three.

We open up with the title track and it’s got a fairly straightforward, pulsing electronic core, with only subtle guitar surges until the solo-effort, and really in ways it sort of combines the likes of, edgier, modern DEPECHE MODE with a more ambient NINE INCH NAILS. Lyrically it’s very simplistic, frankly repetitive, and it’s a clear dig at societies sense of, shallow, plastic materialism, especially in young women. Your make up looks lovely darling but there’s nothing beneath it, all style and no substance, stop following those “influencers” and stop living for likes. It does come across as personal, to be honest, but the raw honesty is appreciated. It isn’t JUST a song title, Diana is talking to you really quite directly, and if you feel attacked...well...

Next up we have “Cravings”, and musically here we have another, really quite generic, run of the mill piece of, almost dark-wave, with certain notes reminding of pre-post-punk GOST. Lyrically, again, incredibly simple and minimal...given the bands back catalogue and knowing their penchant for the intimate, theses cravings are no doubt sexual, or sensual, and it is hinted at but not said directly. I think Diana wants to take the EP’s title quite literally but that’s all I’m going to say on the matter. Speaking of, there is a remix of said title track by PSY’AVIAH and frankly it brings very little to the table. It’s slightly rearranged, incorporates more of that dark-wave aesthetic and plods along just fine, but doesn’t inspire a great deal; it’s typical B-Side fodder essentially.

This brings us to our closing track, and this was a genuine surprise. 1979 KISS classic “I Was Made For Loving You” gets the cover treatment, and what was a sort of, disco-rock / glam-funk crossover prototype, gets the cold, slow, chill-wave / dream pop treatment. It does work, and Junksista’s already established, often sexualised lyricism, allows this to not feel out of place at all. To be fair there are slight elements to this that could be fitting for a Bond theme to a degree, which is pretty prestigious in its own right.

Ultimately, I have to say, I’m disappointed. The banter and rapport between myself and Diana over the last two records did admittedly lead to a certain sense of expectation; I was expecting to enjoy bits, wince at bits, maybe even shed a tear as I reach for my bottle of Jack Daniel’s, equally saddened and proud of being able to put my eardrums through such a barrage of potential absurdity...instead, this was a fairly safe, very minimal EP, especially lyrically. There was no twat punching, there were no whoopee cushions or questionable ice cream references...nothing. Somebody pass me a red balloon...I’m off to the sewer to play with Pennywise...he’s more fun. [5]

WWW.JUNKSISTA.BANDCAMP.COM

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Billy Idol - "The Roadside" EP

16/10/2021

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MTV...it’s MEANT to stand for “Music Television”, if you can remember that. Nowadays it’s full of ten-a-penny reality TV shows, and original programming aimed at teenagers and young adults. Whatever that means. Stars are being “made” for their fifteen minutes of fame apiece, but they are entirely disposable. Not like the good old days.

As I stated MTV was and should be all about the music, that was the entire point! It was a new media platform in the evolution of entertainment to provide artists with a means of promotion, creative freedom and advertisement, which you could enjoy all day from the comfort of your home WAY before the internet! Music videos were new, fresh and exciting, and it allowed bands to reach vast new audiences outside of radio.

The initial wave of these artists would ultimately go down in history, as being pioneers; ground-breaking media personas, as being among the first, they were at the forefront of a new evolution in mainstream media attention, and one of those artists, was BILLY IDOL. Born in London as William Broad, Billy first found fame as part of underground punk outfit GENERATION-X before his solo career exploded in the early 80’s. Tracks such as “White Wedding” and “Rebel Yell” had cemented him as a bonafide punk rock poster boy; leather clad with his blonde hair, whiplash smile and cheeky charm; he was made for MTV. In 2021, we find Billy Idol revitalised, releasing his first original music since 2014; via an EP by the name of “The Roadside”. Are we stopping at the services for a quick Maccies en route or have we completely broken down with five flat tires and no phone service? Let’s find out...

We’re going to have to start off by talking about “Bitter Taste”; the EP’s lead single and the focus point of Idol’s latest creative flurry. The track itself, conceptually, is centred around a motorcycle accident Idol was involved in back in 1990, which nearly cost him his life. It’s a heavily reflective track, that he likens to this past year or so of the pandemic. Lifestyles change, habits change, your entire way of life and way of thinking changes in face of uncertainty and, such incidents can mature you mentally and emotionally. The track musically is a sombre, acoustic heavy, semi-country inspired ballad, and you can not only hear, but feel the reflection and sentiment in Idol’s voice; in his lyrics and the overall delivery of the track as a whole. The subtle piano keys that litter the track sporadically add a quaint delicacy to the already soft recording, and they complement the gentle percussion and mellow acoustics, before we get a more frustrated flurry of more aggressive vocals towards the tracks climax. Deep in its sense of soul searching, it is a thing of beauty.

But what else makes up the rest of the 4-track EP? It actually opens up with “Rita Hayworth” who, for those of you who don’t know, is an American actress who was prominent in the late 1930’s through the 1940’s, where she found herself as a popular pin-up girl for American GI’s. Topically the track mirrors Hayworth’s own personal struggles with Columbia Pictures with the soulless corporate political money trap Hollywood is today. Almost a piece of advice put to music, he sings “You’re swimmin’ with Jaws and this dream town will swallow you whole; you’re gonna’ need a bigger boat”. A sadly all too common remark towards the otherwise glamourized Hollywood lifestyle of fame and fortune. It eats people up and breaks people down. Set to a no-nonsense rocking piece of instrumentation with a solid groove and soaring gang vocal whoa’s, it’s a fun, up-beat bit of rock ‘n’ roll.

The second half of the EP is made up of “U Don’t Have To Kiss Me Like That”, which harks back to a jovial sense of late seventies / early 80’s glam rock that could quite easily appeal to fans of say T-REX and MARC BOLAN for example. It’s more of that era in aesthetic and highlights more of the early influences Idol would have been around growing up, before we finish up on “Baby Put Your Clothes Back On” which on paper, sounds like an absolute mood killer. It turns out that, that’s actually accurate. A slow jam of twangy guitars and mild percussion not unlike something CHRIS ISAAK would produce, it’s another reflective track about self-worth and emotional maturity that could easily thematically tie-in to the main narrative of “Bitter Taste”. It’s as if he harks back to when he realised there was more to life than fun times, girls and living fast and it’s quite humbling.

With Idol’s last record, “Kings And Queens Of The Underground” being a trip down memory lane itself, here we see him continue to take inspiration from the past and using his memories and stories as a form of catharsis through his creative process. From a selfish point of view, we could all easily say we’d prefer a new full-length Billy Idol album, as it’s been so long, but the quality and honesty presented here more than makes up for it. As far as this EP goes, we are so glad you weren’t left by that roadside, as THAT, would have left a bitter taste. [9]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/BILLYIDOL

SPEAKING OF THE ROAD...BILLY IDOL makes his return to the UK in 2022 for a live arena tour, his first since 2018! The original rebellious poster boy hits six dates across the UK with special support from THE GO-GO'S to promote his new EP, as well as treating audiences to a plethora of classic hits and favourites. Tickets are available right now, via www.aegpresents.co.uk/events/detail/billy-idol - and to clarify, the dates and venues are as follows;

Saturday June 11th - Glasgow, SSE Hydro
Monday June 13th - Manchester, AO Arena
Wednesday June 15th - Birmingham, Resorts World Arena
Saturday June 18th - London, SSE Arena Wembley
Sunday June 19th - Cardiff, Motorpoint Arena
Tuesday June 21st - Leeds, First Direct Arena

We hope to see you all at the roadside next Summer...you'll find me at Cardiff.

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VoteForSammo - "Cheaper Entertainment" EP

6/9/2021

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Mayor Quimby...Pedro Sanchez (No, not actual Spanish Prime Minister Pedro Sanchez, but the true Pedro Sanchez! Gosh!)...and *Sigh* Donald Trump. All of these...characters...and let's face it, they ARE characters, before I get a bunch of republicans trying to storm my house with pickets, torches and Walmart firearms, have one thing in common. They have all had unconventionally successful, albeit dodgy election campaigns.

Quimby...The Simpson’s very own mayor of Springfield, was a parody of the Kennedy’s and used his wit, charm and charisma, as well as mob back-handers, to womanise and frivolously take the piss, while laughing to himself in office. A spot of innocent animated satire if you will. Pedro, amidst lies, high-school politics, awkward humour, even more awkward dancing, sweet skills and a couple of Ligers, became class president in Napoleon Dynamite. Trump sadly, as much of a character he is...is real, believe it or not, and became actual President Of The United States, arguably one of the most powerful men in the world, despite being a tangerine-coloured perverted pensioner with a penchant for lies, pussy grabbing and grandiose shit-housery.

But I hear you ask...what has this got to do with today’s review? Well, I am poorly gerrymandering my way through this segue in preparation of introducing today’s artist; VOTEFORSAMMO. Real name Sam Hodder, the 19-year-old based out of London emailed me recently to tell me two things. Firstly, he was releasing a new EP by the name of “Cheaper Entertainment”, and secondly, GTGC was one of his favourite websites. Now, I’m not easily bought, but that was a nice thing to say. The question is, do I have anything nice to say about the EP? And will he be getting MY vote? Let’s find out...

The EP kicks off with “Is This Better Than The Last Time?” and quite frankly, I don’t know Sam, this is my first time. It opens up with some, throwback 1940’s or 1950’s family conversation, teasing at the notion of troubled youth and, as the intro piece transitions, we feel a sense of struggle. The ideology of being stuck in a rut, especially in the lower, working classes, not meaning to come off as derogatory. It’s a hoping, a wanting more out of life, wanting better opportunities outside a typically blue-collar environment, and have times really changed that much at all socially since then?

First track proper then, and lead single “Artificial Light” gives us a better idea of Sam’s creative vision and process. There’s a soft, soothing blend of urban beats with gentle acoustics and lounge jazz, carrying delicate piano notes and brass instrumentation. His lyrical delivery is a sort of mellow poetic rapping. The street lights being the only brightness in a sprawling urban depression. You could probably smoke a fat one to this. We follow this with EP highlight “Martyr” and we get a far more assertive beat, with more electric guitar and a stronger indie-rock vibe. He projects stronger vocally in places adding range to his delivery but for the most part, he remains subdued, while not completely monotone. The sax solo is a wonderful inclusion and brings a real feel-good factor to the tracks climax, despite the abrupt ending.

Next up we have “McDonalds”, and it’s like, ordering a double quarter pounder with only cheese at the drive-thru, and getting a quarter pounder with everything BUT cheese. That’s actually happened to me. Heartbroken I was. Anyway, we initially get a sweetly plucked spot of acoustic pop, which gradually picks up in tempo and tone, incorporating more of an electric-tinged dose of deeper indie, akin to the previous track, before lulling back to its originally slower pacing. It has aspects that are nice, but it’s not specifically what you were looking forward to. Very much like my burger. Finally, then, we finish up with “Reflections”; featuring additional vocals from Jemma Baines. Aside from this extra vocal dynamic, we get more of the same urban, jazzy, folky, acoustic indie style and the whole thing is very much chilled.

Now, most young lads in this age range that I know personally, are for some reason all into grime, mumble rap and all of that crud...so for this London based artist to be delving into more, maturely perceived genres such as lounge jazz and, shoe-gaze inspired indie, it's both interesting and refreshing to see. He writes, mixes and produces all of his own stuff too so, fair play to the lad. Applause where it’s due. While tracks like “Martyr” are more up my street, you can’t knock Sam for the honesty in his lyrics and his ability to create an ambience within his genre mixings. Not something I’d go out of my way to look for, but I’d rather vote for Sammo than some dickhead like Boris Johnson. A pleasant, laid-back listening experience; be sure to check this EP out when it drops on September 10th. [6]

WWW.VOTEFORSAMMO.CO.UK

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GavTheGothicChav: The Best Of 2020

3/1/2021

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What is there to say about 2020, that hasn't already been said? Within these reviews over the past nine months I've light-heartedly made reference to issues like Covid-19 and such, but let's not detract from the seriousness of the whole situation. As a calendar year, 2020 was one of the most difficult, frustrating, upsetting and confusing in recent history, and this isn't strictly down to Coronavirus...this time last year we were on the brink of World War 3! Politics has been a shambles, social injustice has been rife, the divide in both community spirit and the classes seemingly continues to grow, and generally speaking, the world is a complete mess. Luckily we've had music to keep us going, if not to keep us sane, and for that at least I am grateful. The images above showcase my personal highlights of 2020, grouped in categories covering pop, metal, EP's and general favourites, and it shows that, despite the state of the world, music flourishes. Music and the arts are SO important, as many of us learned during national lockdown, and we need to appreciate the people who dedicated their lives to creating that art SO much, because times like these prove we'd be lost without them.

I mean, just looking at the cover art above, it's been as diverse a year as any. MILEY CYRUS embraced her inner rocker on her new album, having collaborated with the likes of BILLY IDOL and JOAN JETT. Groups like STEPS made an unexpected comeback showing they've still got it in an ever changing pop industry, as did MELANIE C. From a metal standpoint, PARADISE LOST prove they just get better with age, as they not only released one of the albums of their career, they also found themselves in the UK Top 40! Imagine that! Goth metal on Radio 1! It gives hope to newer acts like SOUTH OF SALEM who delivered a truly stunning debut album, and certify themselves as ones to watch for sure. There have also been plenty of superb EP's released over the past twelve months...especially VV. Ville Valo surprised everyone with his 3-track EP and HIM fans rejoiced at the new material, I for one certainly cannot wait to hear more from him. CHRISTINE AND THE QUEENS put emphasis on the art as their whole EP was turned into one big choreographed music video which was impressive, while I personally made some brilliant discoveries in the form of LUCIA & THE BEST BOYS and JACKIE.

Finally then, my official albums of the year, and I was spoiled for choice to be fair. THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE always deliver, they never release a bad album and I'm looking forward to catching up with Chibi on the rescheduled tour dates. MARILYN MANSON dropped his best album in years much to my delight, having found his last couple a little bit boring (Sorry Mazza!), GREY DAZE tugged at the heartstrings with a touching tribute to the late Chester Bennington, releasing unheard material from his pre-LINKIN PARK days, reminding us all how much we'll miss such a talented, brilliant human being. NINJA SEX PARTY on the other hand proved they remain one of the funniest groups around with their bonkers writing style, comedic lyricism and story-telling and wholesome attitude. Yes, 2020 has been a bit of a mess to say the least, but we've still got music, and as fans of that music, we've still got one another, and as a community, we need to hold on to that. With that said, below, is my official GTGC Spotify playlist of 2020, with 40 hand-picked tracks spanning the above records, and it is dedicated to my very good friend Scot 'JD' Rees, who is sadly no longer with us in body, but will forever be with us in heart and spirit. Whether he had a Jack & Coke in his hand, or his guitar, he was always laughing at something, and his energy for enjoyment was infectious. I will miss you Scot, and this compilation is for you. X

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Aline Mayne - "Nothing To Lose" EP

29/7/2020

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Warning: The following review features words written either by a professional, or under the false-pretense of professionalism...accordingly; GavTheGothicChav and his non-existent editors must insist than no one attempt to recreate, or reenact, or, generally rationalize for that matter, any of the words you are about to read...

You may indeed recognize that introductory paragraph as a parody of the original “Jackass” disclaimer, and rightfully be thinking to yourself, where the hell is this going? Well I’ll tell you. ALINE MAYNE was born in Brussels, Belgium and while you may not instantly recognize her name or face, you could very well have already seen her perform, as she is an established stunt-double and on-screen persona, having worked on successful shows such as “Gotham” and “Fear The Walking Dead”. Granted she does her stunts properly, unlike the lads from Jackass, but you know I love a segue.

Anyway, aside from this, her love of performance art doesn’t stop there, as she’s also incredibly accomplished in the field of music. From a young age she’s studied piano and composition, performed in various local rock bands growing up, studied classical singing and performed in a choir too. Does this mean we’re in for an operatic symphonic metal treat? Does it fuck. Aline recently released an EP by the name of “Nothing To Lose” and quite frankly, it’s my only reasoning going into this review. I mean you COULD argue my sanity but that’s long gone let’s be honest...anyway...let’s check this out.

We open up with the title track, nice and traditionally, but it's a faltering start. Her vocals are delivered in a predominantly flat, monotone style that, while giving off a subtle robotic aesthetic, come off as not so much retro but regrettable. Granted, the chorus picks up with more up-beat energy, allowing for some pretty straightforward electro-pop, but it’s as good as it gets here. Realistically there is plenty to lose truth be told...my interest for one, which would have in turn had a domino effect on my will to live had it not been for the chorus. This is not a very promising start.

Luckily the EP salvages itself next with the highlight track “Break Your Heart” and there are a variety of, not so much influences, but styles I’m picking up throughout this track. The initial pulse of the electronica alongside the basic percussion and vocal delivery reminds me of RACHEL STEVENS in ways...but with more obvious nods to modern pop acts too such as LADY GAGA or early KATY PERRY. The simplicity of this one is honestly charming; the chorus may be repetitive but the beat, rhythm and overall tone here is pleasant and in terms of delivery, this is much better. The same can be said of closing track “Suicide Love” which utilizes more of a soft drum’n’bass instrumentation which allows for an up-tempo more exciting listen, and it does close the EP on a somewhat positive note.

Sadly, the other two tracks aren’t quite as encouraging...”Spoil Me” may have slightly retro synths and another vibrant chorus, simple hooks again, but it’s very run of the mill pop music which does fall into the trap of repetition. The materialistic nature of the track, be it ironic or not, holds zero interest. “Bubble Gum Dream” then gives off more of an R’n’B chillout vibe with a hint of synth pop for essentially the most boring of the five tracks presented here. There are some forced vocals which don’t sound too pleasant towards the tracks climax, in addition to the track itself being quite lifeless. Let’s face it if you’re dreaming of bubble gum, you’re either Willy Wonka or on drugs...quite possibly both. Come to think of it a drugged up Wonka sounds a lot more entertaining.

Ultimately, Aline may be a classically trained musician and choir vocalist with all the experience in the world, but this EP doesn’t strictly do her justice. She’s gone for a marketable formula sure; I can totally understand that, the mainstream pop aesthetic will shift units, get her on more radio, TV spots, you name it, but she’s played it far too safely and sadly generically to really stand out from, well, anyone. There is potential there, this EP isn’t awful per se, but unfortunately “Nothing To Lose” lost my attention, and that bubble gum dream just burst. [4]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/ALINEMAYNEMUSIC

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Sam Smith - "A Lonely Christmas" EP

Regina Hardon - "Bucket Pussy" EP

Junksista - "Oxytocin High" EP

Popping666Cherries - "Heaven & Hell" EP

Junksista - "Fuck Your Pretty Face" EP

Billy Idol - "The Roadside" EP

VoteForSammo - "Cheaper Entertainment" EP

GavTheGothicChav: The Best Of 2020

Aline Mayne - "Nothing To Lose" EP

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