Category: Alternative

Regina Hardon - "Bucket Pussy" EP

19/11/2023

You’ll know and understand by now that, I seldom take myself seriously when it comes to my written review content. Don’t get me wrong, there are albums that I do genuinely adore, and occasionally a new band, or artist will pop up that I legitimately recommend and promote wholeheartedly, but, for the most part, I prefer the challenges of the downright questionable.

There are records by the likes of say, COREY FELDMAN or, BIG DUMB FACE that I’ve tried to be fair with, despite me needing to clean grey matter from under my fingernails, having scratched my head so hard out of confusion. But neither of these were necessarily offensive to my eardrums, despite the low scores, just, stylistically quirky in their own right; unique in many aspects, and unashamedly indulgent in the particular artistic avenues they chose to travel down.

There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s funny when they get upset. Corey, I accept if I got it wrong when I thought you were in one of the “Sharknado” films... HOWEVER, you proudly correcting me that you were instead in an indie-flick about periods that nobody has heard of is no better. That isn’t cult status, that’s a typo. Wes Borland? I gave your Big Dumb sequel a 5 out of 10, because I was honestly on the fence. I didn’t hate it, I just explained that it’s been a long time since the first big dumb album...people tend to forget. People were going to listen to the new one and think, what in the ever-loving fuck is this?! It’s like, you expect some LIMP BIZKIT, but when you open the tin its Nan’s sewing kit. I digress.

However, there are then those records that exist in spite of common decency...the kind of art that would wipe the smile off of even Bob Ross’ face. The kind of content that, if spoken of in a confession booth, would find the priest asking for forgiveness while hiding your body. Such records include that WILLIAM SHATNER blues album...that “Ram Ranch” album which is less yee-haw and more hell-naw, and we can’t forget KIM PETRAS. That last one ties us into today’s review...let me explain.

If you recall, Kim’s “Slut Pop” EP was quite simply filth. I mean it delivered on its promise, being one of the sluttiest selections of sexualised dance-pop anyone has ever heard outside of a Brazzers shoot. But it has a challenger. Let me, try to introduce you to REGINA HARDON. Little is known about Regina; to the point where we don’t particularly know if she’s even actually real, with some suggesting it’s some sort of AI project. Allegedly UK based, the only biography I can find on her is riddled with nonsense and there is nothing but mystique surrounding her. This year found her releasing her debut EP; “Bucket Pussy”, as she implores the listener to “grab a raincoat and explore her anatomy”. I implore you to grab your toaster and run a bath...let’s get this over with.

The EP opens up (I mean it’s practically gaping to be honest) with “Call Me Kim”. While contextually you could believe this to be a direct nod to Miss Petras, for opening the floodgates for such content, it’s more than likely an out-of-date reference to Kim Kardashian given some of the lyrics, and once again it’s the lyrics that grab your attention harder than Donald Trump can grab a pussy.

It’s for the best part a track about getting dicked and making a sex tape essentially, and some of this lyricism is simply poetic. “Come in my room lets have some fun, see how many dicks you can fit in my bum” ...you going for a Guinness world record love? How many do you need up there like? “Rub my clit let's make a porno, make sure you strum it just like a banjo” ...ah yes, the banjo, the most seductive of instruments. Nothing says passionate love making like the sound of being sodomised by hillbillies. “Swallow your kids – call it child neglect” and “Murder this bussy like you’re Jeffrey Dahmer” ...make you double-take, but the following lines legitimately made me laugh out loud. “Think I queefed when you went down on me, blasted you away like Hurricane Sandy” and last but by no means least, “Find my clitoris, make me wet, pussy talk French oui oui baguette”. Words evade me I swear...we’re only one track in and I’m at a loss. We haven’t even touched on the music. It's slow, low and synth-driven with minimal clapped percussion with light high-hat dustings...it’s frankly irrelevant. Seriously, it’s ONLY background noise as she spoken-word raps away in a very flat, lifeless manner; this is awful.

We follow up with “In The Air” and we’ve got more of a pulsing electronic aesthetic kicking things off, before the first line “Took a shit in the shower”. Marvellous. She didn’t even waffle stomp it down the plug hole, dirty bitch. The vocal delivery here is more regimented, almost bullet pointed and cold, very synthetic in presentation, and it remains this way for the track's duration in more of that spoken word style. She’s on about, doing yoga on the pole, paying for drinks with her hole, all the while at the bar with her dad? More absurd lyrics about sex and it’s really quite one-dimensional already. In the air? In the bin with this one.

Halfway there now and we have her first single I believe; “Never Been To Mexico”. Now, I myself have never been to Mexico, but I promise you this instant, you’ll never see me writing and recording songs about riding dick because of it. I don’t care how good the tacos are. Apparently, it’s about giving sexual favours in return for being spoiled with exotic holidays and such, sort of unashamedly sugar-daddy-ish. The instrumentation again is minimal at best, some synth-effects giving off an echoed sound, with more basic high-hat tickling. More lines like “My bum is soft like an uncooked chicken breast” continue to ensure this is utterly ridiculous and it’s already not funny by this point. You’ve probably never been to Mexico because they won’t allow you into the country, on account of you likely being so incredibly infectious with a catalogue of STD’s. North America wouldn’t have seen such devastation to its populations health since Columbus landed!

There’s nothing subtle about our next track; “Sitting On His Face”. It’s got this almost icy hip-hop / trap style beat which gives it more of an urban vibe, which does admittedly accompany Regina’s vocal delivery better, but that’s about as much of a compliment you’ll get out of me for this entire EP. Her spoken style and presentation here honestly reminds me of that LOUIS THEROUX money jiggle-jiggle rap, that’s how toneless we’re talking. Some of the lyrics here are outright nasty, like, seriously I want to jet wash my ear drums with a flamethrower. “I start to cream but its green cause I’m clapped” and “His tongue is in my sandwich; he’s having a picnic” nearly put me off my kebab. NEARLY.

Finally, then we finish on (No I won't say that I won't give it the satisfaction), we conclude this EP with the title track, “Bucket Pussy” and we’d have been naïve to expect anything different here really, wouldn’t we? It’s another subdued, lightly synth layered, percussive piece of background noise for more eloquently delivered smut, as she proudly describes the sheer enormity of her massive apocalyptic minge. There is a slight key change to her vocals on the chorus, if you can call it that...so there IS progression...but it’s far, far too little too late for redemption at this point.

Given the lack of variety in Regina’s monotone vocal delivery it’s easy to see where the AI accusations come from, as well as the lack of information and photos, but regardless of if she is some computer-generated project or not, this EP is about as entertaining as chemotherapy and about as welcome as Jimmy Saville hosting BBC's Children In Need. The music is an afterthought and contributes next to nothing of merit, while the flat delivery of such strumpet loaded lyrics makes you wonder, what is the point? There is the briefest period of amusement on first listen given the ridiculousness of the content, but the shock value and humour dissipates well before the end of this five-track EP. I could let a Brazilian wandering spider bite me directly on the dick and I still wouldn’t get hard for Regina here, honestly, I think we’ve found a cure for priapism. This is one of the single worst things I’ve heard in my entire life. Sure, I’ll call you Kim, but I’m calling my ass an Uber because having listened to that, I’m off to the GUM clinic. [0]

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A Love Letter To "Love Metal"

7/9/2023

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Back in 2003, this particular reviewer’s life changed forever. Having been swept up in the phenomenon that was Nu-Metal as a young teenager, with my true formative years being spent heavily influenced by LINKIN PARK, LIMP BIZKIT and such, a certain album and a certain band would completely reshape my life, and surprisingly, for those who know me, it wasn’t BECAUSE of a certain skateboarding Jackass! (Great minds think alike is all I can say). We are of course, talking about HIM...and the Gothic rock masterpiece that is “Love Metal”.

While I may have been freshly vibing with the metal and hip-hop infused aesthetics of the aforementioned Nu-metal giants, I was absorbing a lot of new sounds and styles that I had discovered, since my early days of listening to REPUBLICA and ROBBIE WILLIAMS on cassette. OK, OK, the SPICE GIRLS too. I was watching Kerrang! and Scuzz whenever able, and I’d started purchasing Kerrang! Magazine and Metal Hammer, learning about all of these different genres and subcultures; such was the wide variety of heavier or alternative options.

On March 15th, 2003, Kerrang! Magazine issue 946 included a free CD entitled “Revved Up!” and it included a plethora of up-and-coming artists, setting the alternative and independent rock scene ablaze. Ranging from THE ATARIS to ADEMA, and HELL IS FOR HEROES to HOT HOT HEAT... life was good ...life was loud. HOWEVER, on that very compilation album, sitting at track twelve, was a little band called HIM, with a stunningly unique track incorrectly titled “The Heart Of Darkness”. It’s actually “The Sacrament”, which is fucking sacrilege in itself to be fair, but I digress. The genuinely moving romanticism, instrumentation and delivery of this one track alone, made me sit up and take note. This was different, this wasn’t Nu-Metal, this wasn’t any sort of post-rock, this wasn’t even necessarily emo; this was DIFFERENT different...and I was hooked. I HAD to buy this album, I had to learn about HIM. The rest as they say was history. Fast-forward twenty years later, I still love HIM, and this album as much as, if not MORE than the day I first heard it. Join me...not in death, but as we celebrate 20 years of “Love Metal”.

The album opens up with “Buried Alive By Love” and I challenge you to name a more impactful and fitting opening track. There’s a reason why HIM started many of, if not the majority of, their live sets post-2003 with this track, up until their separation in 2017. From the instantly attention-commanding crashing of Gas’ cymbals, leading into that surging barrage of Linde’s riffs and Mige’s driving bass, subtly underlined by Burton’s perfect synth bedding; it lays all of the foundations for Ville Valo’s velvety vocals.

The way he can carry such smoothly crooned verses, before letting rip into these powerful, scorching choruses showcases a man and a band with intent. “Love Metal” was a statement. Valo jovially referred to “Razorblade Romance” as a middle finger to Gothic tropes and cliches, with its bright pink album cover, but this was their “Black Metal”, a la VENOM; this was DEFINING. The gold foil Heartagram, regal in presentation, on a backdrop of Gothic-inspired filigree showcased a band with a purpose. “Buried Alive By Love” hammered home that purpose from the moment you press play and it’s a faultless, dark rock ‘n’ roll masterclass. The fact that BAM MARGERA directed them a music video and got JULIETTE LEWIS on board, only bolstered their star power...magnificent.

The hard-rocking energy doesn’t stop there... dubbed their BLACK SABBATH album by Valo, there were guitars aplenty throughout, such as with the scorching “Soul On Fire”. Again, perfectly balancing absolutely pummelling riffs with a sense of tender macabre, we fleet between the aggressive instrumentation of the intro and the tracks chorus, along with almost innocently sung lines like, “we are enslaved by the sacred heart of shame...and gently raped, by the light of day”. Really highlighting a deeply dark romanticism, despite being a lyric that’d likely garnering them heat in today’s day and age. It’s an incredibly intense track and another live favourite.

While they are known for their riffs and guitar solos, keyboardist Burton is never an afterthought and is as vital to HIM’s sound as his fellow band mates, and this is highlighted on “Beyond Redemption”. The notes are subtle, other than the intro, and they ARE minimal, but they add a distinct depth to HIM’s sound. Granted they are far more prominent on their softer, sweeter, prior album “Deep Shadows And Brilliant Highlights”; it’s almost a pop album to be fair, but here it’s blended perfectly and enhances the bands overall output. Valo’s vocal crescendo here too is simply sublime; arguably on this album as a whole, he was peak in terms of delivery and production, and he knocks it out of the park.

Speaking of HIM’s softer side, there are tracks here that truly encapsulate the very idea of love metal not only as a niche, tongue in cheek subgenre, but the band as an entity, with Burton again being a key player, in more ways than one. “The Sacrament”, as mentioned in this reviews intro, utilises this simply stunning classical piano led piece of romantic Gothic indulgence, and the melodies build to this crestfallen blend of acoustics and sombre heartache. It’s yearning almost; begging from a broken heart without falling into any Emo tropes, and is simply an elegant piece of music and heartfelt song-writing. This is nothing short of beautiful.

One cannot talk about this album without mentioning “The Funeral Of Hearts”. The song that saw them break into the UK Top 20 singles charts, this was the song that took them from mainland Europe to the UK and beyond. Again, with their Gothic splendour, melodies and darkly romantic lyrics, coupled with hooks, key-changes and wintery back-drop a-la their music video, they thawed many a frozen heart. The pop-production allowed for a true sing-along rock ballad, and it opened many eyes for those who weren’t already aware of their previous records.

Elsewhere, the album is just stacked top to bottom with brilliance. “Circle Of Fear” is arguably the greatest HIM track of all time. The slow build of gentle guitars that gradually ascends into rhythmic percussion, deep baritone vocals, chorus hooks and overall mood is something that can only be admired; this is his infernal majesty at his most sovereign and we bow to it. “The Path” is progressive doom rock at its catchiest... and really teases at future offerings as found on “Venus Doom”. The foundations were set on tracks like this, as Valo indulged in deeper and darker inspirations. The same can be said for “Love’s Requiem”, which closes the album like a cinematic, emotive declaration; HIM mean business, and if you aren’t crying any tears of joy by now, I don’t trust you.

The idea of “Love Metal” may have very well been a tongue in cheek gimmick, a way for Valo to deflect, have a bit of a dig, but in doing so he’s created one of the finest albums of the 21st century. From emerging out of their native Finland, to growing far bigger in Germany over the course of their first three albums, it was this album, coupled with the Jackass popularity through Bam, that saw them expand to the UK and beyond. “Love Metal” was defining by name, as it turns out, but with that gold shiny Heartagram emblazoned proudly on the cover, it was worth far more than its weight. Often ridiculed for not being true metal by gatekeepers, or frowned upon for being romantic or soft, HIM have always been a divisive band, but there is an unquestionable majesty here that demands respect. After twenty years, this album hasn’t lost an ounce of quality, and needs to be celebrated. I could never heart-a-bitch, but you should Heartagram...heed my words... give this album a re-listen. [10]

EU.HEARTAGRAM.COM

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/THEHEARTAGRAM

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Raze - "Pyrography"

17/7/2023

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The following review that you’re about to read, came about purely by chance, as, the band and album in question were not even on my radar, let alone my infinite list of shit to listen to. No, today’s review can be credited to Nikki Smash, who I write content for over at RIFF YARD MEDIA. Courtesy of ONE EYED TOAD RECORDS, SaN PR forwarded Nikki the upcoming debut album from Hertfordshire based metal outfit RAZE, entitled “Pyrography”, scheduled for release on July 28th, and he himself gave it the review for the RYM website. (Check that out here).

So, you may be wondering where I come into it? Nikki has a brilliant mind and is a very smart dude when it comes to the music industry, but review writing isn’t something he does a great deal of, and so he asked me for my opinion on his review, because he felt he may have been a bit too harsh, or, blunt? You’re probably thinking, then why the fuck did he ask me of all people? Good question, but I read it over, and it was a very well put together, professionally critical piece of reviewing, that had no issues with its content whatsoever.

He was worrying about nothing essentially. I always say if you genuinely think something, commit it to pen, no point in watering down integrity. This is where I then said, casually, it could have been worse, I could have reviewed it! We laughed, then it dawned on me that, I have a blog of my own, which brings us to the here and now. So, with that being said; if Nikki thought HE was being harsh, well, someone hold my beer damnit. New question; will this Raze to the occasion and impress me, or is this pyro going to go up like the Grenfell Tower; a poorly planned tragedy? Let’s find out...

We open with “Maple”, but don’t expect bacon and pancakes, this ain’t no breakfast of champions. We get a deep, brooding guitar led opening with light cymbal's littering the background, before a more surging dose of melodic metal sweeps through, and it’s promising. The clean vocals have a very delicate baritone, before Louis Dunham takes off with a soaring chorus section. The ALTER BRIDGE and TREMONTI influences plain to see, and it's going well...before the growling. As it happens, the band threw LAMB OF GOD down as an influence too, so naturally the best thing to do is combine everything, and squeal like a rabid pig over parts of a generally decent song, ruining the ever-loving fuck out of it. It doesn’t fit, it does neither the track or Louis any favours, and is delivered with about as much grace as a coat hanger abortion.

Follow up track “Better Off Alone” starts off harnessing more of a core heavy metal style, channelling further influences like MACHINE HEAD, but it also has an air of PANTERA to it in places. The heavier, guttural vocals do feel more at home here, as the instrumentation is more befitting of such a brutal approach; it isn’t jarring in any way, and the cleaner notes compliment the growls much better here. An admittedly sluggish, plodding riff carries the bulk of the track, and the guitar solo is sadly lost in a barrage of audible throat cancer, while drummer Ethan Morter smashes his plates like a bull in a China shop. Way overlayered here and it’s another potential highlight spoiled.

Next up we have their most recent single “Roachman”, and this could be considered an album highlight. When they focus on clean melody, and incorporate their Southern-tinged hard rock, they actually have something decent going, as individually it is clear they are all incredibly competent performers and musicians, all of the potential is there, but there seems to be this need for everyone to be in the limelight, and these tracks at some point or another feel clustered and congested. Again, guttural vocals not necessary here, bringing the track down, and this one simply feels like two different tracks trying to work at once. Oh, and we HAVE to mention the video. Part live performance footage from their local town hall with all eleventeen people in attendance, part stop-motion claymation footage. Remember when CKY had that video for “Inhuman Creation Station” that was all stop-motion, that Bam directed? Yeah, this isn’t that. This is more like, Morph from “SMart”, but Mark Speight sculpted him AFTER he hung himself...

The rest of the album finds itself in a bit of a pattern creatively. “C. Exigua” contains some quality guitar work and a pleasant solo, while “...Again” takes things too far, over-delivering on the fret-wankery, almost trying too hard. “Mellow Breeze” utilises some more crooned vocals for a slight change of pace but it’s quite anti-climactic, while “W.B.C.” again is very heavily layered in production. There is a lot going on here and we find another track blended in a messy, convoluted headache. Closing track “Blue Sky Vengeance” does have some enjoyable, funky bass lines that stand out because you can actually hear them here, but that’s about it for that.

As stated, as musicians, these lads can very obviously play, and they are more than technically proficient. Yes, it’s their debut album, yes, they want all the bells and whistles and yes, they have the potential to deliver some genuinely strong material in the probably near future, but they need to rein it in a little and understand less can be more. A lot of the time they don’t allow each other room to breathe, and the result is an often time needlessly noisy album. “Pyrography” sounds like a combination of pyromania and pornography...which I guess they think is hot by some means of a burning passion? It’s more like gonorrhea if you ask me; treatable but best not to have it in the first place...[4]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/RAZEBANDOFFICIAL

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Crisis Talks - "Heavy The Heart"

23/5/2023

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I’ve said it before but, when we think about alternative music in South Wales, we automatically go to Cardiff and the valleys feeding the capital, as let's be honest, we’ve been spoiled for choice. From Merthyr Tydfil and THE BLACKOUT, who have just recently reformed ahead of Download, (Their hometown comeback show sold out quicker than you can ask Sean Smith S’appenin? Purely ironically) to Blackwood and the MANIC STREET PREACHERS, down through Pontypridd and the LOSTPROPHETS. Granted that last one is a sheep so black not even the most woke Welshman would associate...but, I digress.

However, what about Newport? TJ’s was often cited as one of the best live venues to ever exist in the UK, they’ve given us Diverse Vinyl, the UK’s largest source of new vinyl records, they’ve given us FEEDER, there’s a whole lot of gas left in SKINDRED’s helicopter, and, we can’t be forgetting those comedic rap terrorists GOLDIE LOOKIN’ CHAIN. It’s 2023 now; your mother could very well have that penis. Newport has been overlooked let’s be fair, and today’s band are hoping to grab some attention for Wales’ third largest city. Let me introduce you to CRISIS TALKS.

The three-piece, consisting of vocalist David Lloyd Chapman, guitarist and peddle wizard Mark William Squire, and drummer James Clement are preparing to release their debut album; “Heavy The Heart”, on June 15th. David got in touch with me recently asking me to attend a launch show, at the Little Taphouse; Newport, but I was sadly double booked. The least I could do however, would be to agree to give the album a listen and a little write up. The question is, will I be having crisis talks with myself after listening to this album? Let’s find out...

We open up with the track “Dancer”, but truth be told I’m not moving a muscle. OK that’s a little harsh. We’ve got a solid dose of classic, riff-rich hard rock, with some rather funk-laden bass and assertive percussion, leading this admittedly rhythmic track. Vocally here David is interesting as, he finds himself somewhere between Daron Malakian and Benjamin Kowalewicz tonally in places. It’s got a mellow transitional section which keeps things interesting, and ultimately, it’s a decent start.

Follow up track “Dark Cold War” houses a far grittier, angst-riddled feel, with groove aplenty in the bluesy, hard rock instrumentation and off-kilter, semi-prog inspired delivery. Slicker in production too, despite the slightly stop-start approach vocally, and again we have another similarly placed mellow filler section dividing the track. That intro though, minimal but very effective; catchy simplicity.

Sticking to the meatier offerings, we’ve got “Submission”, and we have some light and subtle 90’s grunge aesthetics at play, amidst a back-drop of almost tribal percussion, and some of the albums cleanest, melodic vocal displays. As it progresses, we again find them groove-rich in presentation, so credit to the trio for their consistency. “Undone” has a more vibrant, almost indie-inspired alt.rock vibe to it, and here, especially vocally, it reminds in parts of PLACEBO. This is certainly an album highlight. David, on purpose or not here, has this nasally twang that pays homage to Brian Molko in the sincerest way, it’s actually more entertaining than Placebo’s newest album. It wouldn’t sound out of place on “Sleeping With Ghosts” frankly.

Speaking of spooks, “Ghosts” champions a far softer, acoustic approach from the three-piece initially, but does descend into flutters of more metallic fret-work, while “Monsters” takes that acoustic influence and channels the likes of JEFF BUCKLEY, which is praise indeed. Not as tortured poetically, not as vulnerable vocally, David isn’t quite that open book, but this is damn close. Finally, then we finish up on “Soundcheck”, and we’ve got ourselves a lovely, sombre guitar ballad, with emotive instrumentation and a legitimately moving guitar solo.

When I walked into this album, I didn’t know what to expect. Without wanting to shit on my own doorstep, a lot of the more “local” artists that have come my way haven’t left me truly inspired. Take my recent PENNY RICH review for RIFF YARD MEDIA for example. But, while this album isn’t perfect per se, there’s plenty of character and style here to ensure these succeed live, there’s already that certain raw quality to these tracks, and they are bound to translate well in a live setting.

The song-writing capability and conception is there artistically, I just think they need the chance to get out there more, and truly hone their sound, as there is a lot of potential in this trio. The only crisis talks need to be about growth, commitment and dedication, as these three could do well for themselves among the current wave of UK festival regulars. “Heavy The Heart” is an emotional, back to basics rock record with some good ideas and, the only fresher thing coming out of Newport right now, is the heroin. [6]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/CRISISTALKS

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Linkin Park - "Meteora: 20th Anniversary"

23/4/2023

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What is it, about the number two? Coincidence or not, the number two has seemingly had an aura of negativity in several aspects of life. If you come second in a race, you’ve technically just been the best at failing. Kids go through a phase called the “Terrible Two’s”, because most parents want to yeet their own toddlers into a woodchipper when they’re that age. Also, a number two is LITERALLY an expression for taking a shit! So, how does this apply to media?

Let’s take films for example...a sequel, is very rarely as good as, let alone better than, the original. “Jaws” was the original blockbuster, but repetition, a 3D gimmick, and Michael Caine vs a roaring shark, sank that franchise quicker than I can sink Jack Daniels. “The Exorcist” is a horror masterpiece, one of the greatest movies of all time... “The Exorcist II: The Heretic” however, was merely possessed by bad acting and a plot so piss poor demons prayed to make it stop. The list goes on, as there’s “The Crow”, “The Lost Boys”, “Tremors” …but that’s just film. What about music?

The “Difficult second album” is typically a recognised phenomenon surrounding sophomore releases, that finds a band or artist either making it, or breaking it. If you’ve managed to strike gold on your debut, you better be ready to back it up, because seldom does lightning strike twice, and styles, trends and popularity wane so consistently and quickly in music, you need to be on the ball. But what if your debut album blew absolutely everything out of the water, not only for that year, but this entire CENTURY to date? We’re of course about to discuss LINKIN PARK.

When the band dropped “Hybrid Theory” in the October of 2000, it completely re-set the bar for what an alternative rock band could accomplish, as, it went on to go 12x Platinum in the US alone and has shifted over 32 MILLION copies worldwide. Linkin Park were THE hottest band on the planet, and their angst-riddled, intense yet melodic blend of hip-hop and rap, with crunching guitars and scorching vocals, saw the band reach heights many can only dream of. They had a problem on their hands though; how in God’s name would they, or more importantly COULD they, follow this up? Well, damnit they had an answer for that! 2023 marks the 20th anniversary of that seemingly impossible second album, “Meteora” ...let's look back and see how they faired.

We start off very annoyingly here with “Foreword”, as it’s beyond pointless as a stand-alone track. It’s a 13 SECOND intro of gently pouring rain, and light knocking until you hear glass shatter, transitioning into the next song; “Don’t Stay”. That’s it. You may as well have simply extended “Don’t Stay” by those 13 seconds and absolutely nothing would have changed, because it already blends well, and these decisions just baffle me. Conceptually there are elements in this brief sequence that could allude to say, a glass ceiling, the band breaking through barriers and boundaries to achieve what few have done in recent times, before the actual track kicks in with the slowly built riffs, until it erupts with its nu-metal gloriousness. In some ways it could be seen as a subtle dig at their label, who pushed for more of the same following their debuts success, the headache of contractual obligations, being told who to be, how to sound, while naturally it could easily be about a failed relationship. It screams of wanting to be done with something, someone, wanting to grow, to evolve on your own terms, and it’s a powerful opener.

Next up then we have the first single to be taken from the album; “Somewhere I Belong” …and if the predecessor had four singles, then “Meteora” had to have five. “Somewhere I Belong” sonically in ways, with some of the music video presentation and structure, felt like, a semi-canonical successor, or follow-up to “In The End”, with Chester’s minimal vocal melodies complimenting Mike’s bars, before a harder hitting chorus line and well utilised heavier elements. Grittier, ample Japanese Gundam influence, following on from "Reanimation", but still very much Linkin Park, and they clearly showed consistency upon this release. Again though, at what cost? Mike spits lines like “Just stuck, hollow and alone, and the fault is my own” …were they victims of their own success, doomed to live in Groundhog Day creatively?

Speaking of singles, few Linkin Park tracks have been as short, sharp and pummelling as “Faint”, and if any track could highlight pent-up frustration, pain and anguish as well as this, I am yet to hear it. The subtle string elements are piercing as a backdrop to Chester’s aggressive vocals and overall hard-rocking approach, while Mike delivers one his best rap-inspired performances, and it crams a lot into a relatively short track, but to maximum effect. A blistering effort, and it showcased a band truly pissed off. Just hear the venom in Chester’s delivery when he shouts, “I won’t be ignored” and “You’re gonna listen to me like it or not” …that’s a statement and it’s loud and clear; they aren’t fucking about.

The albums 3rd single, and arguably the albums best track period, “Numb” was and IS, simply beautiful. It closes the album in a similar vein to “Pushing Me Away” three years prior, with a strong, melodic and emotional piece, without losing any momentum or presence. Iconic for the way it highlights mental health issues, self-awareness and self-confidence, as a recording it’s incredibly powerful, not only as a piece of music, but as an important awakening to many, many young teens. Teens who first heard this, that needed a voice; who needed a way to vent, who were lost in the world and felt like they didn’t belong. We look at this with a sad sense of irony, of course, as Chester is no longer with us himself, but he’s helped more people than he may have realised.

“From The Inside” carries with it a similar message; a feeling of being hurt, being let down and learning from it; another fine example of personal and individual growth, over some blistering vocal lines from Chester, with a hefty dose more of both Brad Delson’s and Phoenix’s riffs, and again, this message is superbly hammered home in the music video. The riots and armoured police in a run-down suburb; a visual conflict for an internal struggle between right and wrong; it’s a full release emotionally and again, is quality stuff.

Finally, then, in terms of promotional singles (As if Linkin Park needed any additional promotion by this point), we were treated to ”Breaking The Habit", and this was worth it for the music video alone. Band DJ/programmer Joseph Hahn directed this beautifully stylised anime type video, blending Japanese animation with western steam-punk and dystopian aesthetics. A disturbing central narrative of suicide, and ultimately combating those thoughts takes precedence over the story ark, and again, we’re met with signs we only wish we understood two decades ago. There’s a soaring yet equally soothing climax to the track, and it’s an emotional journey that hits home on a multitude of levels.

The singles proved that Linkin Park were still at the top of their game, in terms what was expected of them, but this wasn’t a band satisfied with a formula, this was a bad that wanted to push boundaries, and there were early hints of that here, on top of the already dividing hip-hop/rock amalgamation nu-metal as a whole was championing. Over the course of the record, the riffs in places hit harder, Chester pushes himself further to allow more of that vitriol to shine through his vocal delivery, and on tracks like “Nobody’s Listening”, they blend woodwind instrumentation and Native panpipes with Mike’s rapping and, the overall off-kilter presentation of the track highlights the bands desire to experiment. On album two, Linkin Park was already a band that didn’t want to settle or be pigeonholed.

Ultimately, while it was always impossible for “Meteora” to have the same impact that “Hybrid Theory” had, I mean you can only make a first impression once, what the band did with their follow up was for all intents and purposes, perfect. While there was pressure to emulate their original success and not stray from a clearly winning formula, Linkin Park went one better by not only continuing the momentum they had, very much releasing a Linkin Park record, they allowed themselves the room to evolve, to experiment and to test the waters with subtle changes and ideas, and it would be beyond evident in future releases, just how creative Linkin Park could and would be, but, in regards to that difficult second album, “Meteora” more than delivered, more than served its purpose, and certainly silenced any critics that may have called Linkin Park a flash in the pan. The band may have wanted to do more at the time, label pressure can be intense; why fix what isn’t broken? Art doesn’t work like that. Sure, there is an established market to tap into to, but wells run dry, and from day one Linkin Park wanted to expand, to try new things and under the pressures they were to deliver, following such a successful debut, a further 17 million album sales say they knocked it out of the park.

Moving forward, Linkin Park WOULD start experimenting further, be it stylistically or with collaborations such as with JAY-Z and STORMZY down the line, even A Capella releases, but these two albums, at the beginning of their career, cemented them as arguably the biggest band of their generation. In terms of alternative rock and metal, they were easily their generations METALLICA, or THE BEATLES, or QUEEN...they made THAT much of an impact, and we can only be grateful. The messages these tracks carry are poignant in the aftermath of Chester’s suicide, but we will never forget. A true talent, an inspiration, a kind soul and a vocal powerhouse...he was one of a kind and looking back twenty years on a release like “Meteora”, we were privileged. However, we aren’t finished.

Being a 20th anniversary release, we are treated to some unreleased gems by the way of demo’s, rejected tracks from the cutting room floor and live snippets, and as a collection, EVERY Linkin Park fan should have these. Newly remastered posthumous single “Lost” sees Chester bring so many happy tears to the eyes of millions, with such a powerfully emotional song. “Fighting Myself” sounds like a “Papercut” or “A Place For My Head” demo, while “More The Victim” deserved to have seen the light of day way before now.

In the end, if we can ignore the various live tracks, which let’s be honest, are just album filler regardless of the artist, we still have plenty to admire and appreciate here, and as hard as it is, they’ve actually improved on the album that was already a success in the realm of impossibility. Testament and credit to them...the way the industry is moving forward with streaming and downloads, we’re likely never to see this level of genuine commercial success again in alternative rock music, and we have to admire and respect this. Linkin Park are in a league of their own, and listening to these first two albums, I do genuinely feel somewhere I belong. [10]

WWW.LINKINPARK.COM/METEORA20

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William Control - "Sex Cult"

7/4/2023

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Now, I’m no gambling man; I couldn’t tell a poker-face from a resting bitch face if my life depended on it, but I know unfavourable odds when I see them, and, this review, is certainly not in my favour. I’m either going to go viral, albeit very briefly, and the world will move on (Is that too neurotypical of an assumption?) or I’m going to get cancelled. OK, I’m probably not going to get cancelled because, I’ll write reviews regardless of what you think (If since 2014 you haven’t grasped that by now, I don’t know what to tell you) but this, is a challenge even Geraint Pillock would second guess in his time travelling coracle. We’re going to talk about WILLIAM CONTROL.

Before we go any further, we have to address the elephant in the room, and as if elephants weren’t noticeable enough, this fucker’s wearing PVC and fishnets. Back in 2018, William, (WiL Francis, formerly of AIDEN) released the “Revelations” album, following on from his run of highly lauded and well-received EP’s, amalgamating the releases into one cohesive compilation, and musically, you couldn’t fault him. He blended a sense of retro synth-driven Goth-pop if you will, with his dark, BDSM-inspired counter-religious lyricism. Then it all went nipples north.

Many girls and young ladies, fans of William, came forward, with claims and allegations of grooming, sexual abuse, manipulation and rape, from his time on the road. These are not things, that I take lightly, let it be known, and I do not condone this AT ALL. Victims need to speak out, and get justice, I endorse that whole-heartedly. HOWEVER. William, to his own detriment, sat down, and shared very damning, very intimate conversations from social media messenger Apps, from several of the accusers, highlighting not only consensual activities, but almost begging from the parties involved.

The whole thing got William cancelled for the best part, he lost his wife, access to his child at the time, and he was very open and honest about his lifestyle, which to very many, would render him an unfaithful, absolute fuckboy. LEGALLY however, there were never any charges brought to him, so despite how uncomfortable those videos were, where he bared his shame, and affairs to the world, technically, in the eyes of the law, he is innocent. A walking red flag perhaps, and in terms of grey areas morally, he’s greyer than that fucking elephant.

This is the point now which I believe that, will probably get me some heat, as I’m about to do what no alternative UK publication I’m aware of, is willing to do; review William Control’s new album. “Sex Cult” is available on Apple Music and Spotify from April 14th, but here, on GTGC, we have a UK exclusive. Before we press play, remember, wear protection, and the safe word is pineapple...let’s go.

The album kicks off with “Hell” which is a wonderful place to start! How much worse can things get, right? The track immediately bounces into life with some very, NEW ORDER inspired synth notes and this has a wonderfully 80’s vibe to it. It lyrically very self-reflective, quite literally as he looks himself in the mirror, and speaks of solitude, loneliness and repenting. If you’re going through hell, well, you’re going through hell with me. Facing things head on. Is this, the beginning of a redemption ark for William? Is he acknowledging the past and looking to put it right?

The title track; “Sex Cult” continues down the route of rich electronica, instrumentally, but this takes on a somewhat darker tone. It’s slower and more focused, like latter day DEPECHE MODE, and here he very openly tackles the topic of conversation, very directly referencing himself as the villain, the scoundrel that was welcomed into bed, as he recalls the intimacy of his dastardly dabbling's. There’s a quick nod to consent in the second verse, with the line “...only if you’re willing, you recognise the price...” and as a track, it works fine, though, the female sexual moans at the tracks climax are a little bit excessive to be fair, somewhat spoiling the track, sounding corny.

Next, we have the first of two early promotional singles, going back two years I guess to gauge fan reaction and see where he stood among the court of public opinion. “Baptized” brings the tone back up to a more jovial presentation, as the keys sound brighter, livelier, though it has this juxtaposition of warring ideology, blurring the lines between light and dark. “Oh take me down to the riverbanks, and wash away my sins and hate, you can teach me how to celebrate this brand new life in love, oh Lucifer”...it’s suggesting he wants to start afresh, but he’s so accustomed and friendly with the darkness, so comfortable, there’s almost a conflict of interest veiled here, and it’s interesting.

The second single was “Abuse”, and again here things take a darker turn. Referring to himself as the revenant, dressed well and decadent, there’s a smugness to his character and presentation here, and he doesn’t hold back on detailing his affairs. “Hey there baby I have tallied up the names, and the notch marks, on my withered dirty bed frame...”, and “Now you feel the pain of losing all you had, the bed you made is sad; suicidal...well take this comfort, take my only kind advice, don’t fall in love with me; don’t fuck your idol”. That lyric right there is bound to trigger and upset the vast majority and what’s uncomfortable is that he probably sang that with a wink and a wry smile. Complete and utter shithousery from Control here, and he knows it. Turning real life experience, pain and such into powerful art is one thing, but that line is positively cruel.

The whole album in some way, shape or form tackles the entire situation, such as “Allegations”, which in its own way, exudes a sense of false self-pity and crocodile tears, especially if we’re to go by previous highlighted lyrics. Suggesting he’ll pay the price for his bad reputation and villainy, considering he’s back making music after not being charged, I’d say he was doing just fine. Finally, then, we round things up with a cover of “My Way” by FRANK SINATRA, and if this hasn’t been done in the fullest sense of irony, I don’t know what to say. He may as well record himself laughing maniacally into the microphone for 3 minutes. This is beyond tongue-in-cheek, because MARK TREMONTI he is not.

Ultimately then, it comes to this; how the fuck do we score this album? Removing the artist from the art, and looking at this album, purely as an album objectively, it’s absolutely fine. If you are fan of 80’s inspired synth-pop, electronica with darker, Gothic-based imagery, this album delivers aplenty, even if the traditional BDSM tropes William throws in conceptually aren’t necessarily your thing, musically, this is a frankly enjoyable record. It flows well, the instrumentation is vibrant and it’s been produced well, resulting in a crisp, clear listen.

The issues that come with this album, are to do with William himself, and where you personally stand morally, with whatever integrity you have as an individual. As stated, there were very many accusations and allegations made against William, and while he may not have been charged, the young women involved aren’t simply going to forget what they believe they experienced, and what they’ve gone through with all of this being very public. His lack of legal conviction doesn’t automatically lessen THEIR conviction in what they claim. This album WILL stir the pot, and if you’re easily offended, knowing what the situation is, you are probably best avoiding this. Neutral? It’s a solid record, that creatively sticks to a proven formula given the success of the EP’s. [7]

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Flover - "Love's Poetry & Dead Melodies"

13/3/2023

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2023, officially started, with ALL of the bang, and a welcome lack of whimper. (“The exact, polar opposite to the night I lost my virginity to be fair!”, he laughs, as a single tear rolls down his cheek). I digress; we are in-fact talking about everyone’s favourite darkly romantic, albeit positively bleak, modern-day Goth daddy VILLE VALO. The former HIM front man got Heartagram’s breaking on the bands 2017 farewell tour, but, in the years since, through a rollercoaster of feelings and emotions, ranging all the way from equanimity to intrigue and anxiousness, he got them racing once more this January, when he released the sonic defibrillator that is “Neon Noir”.

Now, the admittedly stunning solo record, was covered quite extensively within the alternative music press as it is, as it charted well around Europe (Including a UK Top 30 slot in the vinyl charts), and with his European tour currently in full swing, we must satiate our rejuvenated musical lusting's, with all things love-metal inspired, and get right back into the thick of it, which brings us to today's band; FLOVER.

You may remember Flover from my 2020 review of “Songs Of Our Broken Hearts”, from which we played a tongue-in-cheek game of HIM Bingo, as the sweet rockers had zero shame in wearing their Heartagram’s on their sleeves, being influenced by Finland’s finest. 2023 finds the fan boys on fine form, as they release their latest album “Love’s Poetry & Dead Melodies”. Eyes down folks, it’s time for another round, but, in this year of thee and me, are we talking two little ducks, or giving too little fucks? Let’s find out...

Now before we proceed, the whole HIM-Bingo game itself is FAIRLY loose in terms of rules and such; we’re essentially just looking for similarities and parodies, cheeky nods to other songs if you will. Imitation IS the sincerest form of flattery after all. So, with that in mind, we open up with (According to their Bandcamp at least) “Requiem Of Love”, which is an immediate Bingo-card crossed off, as it references “Love Metal” and the bonus track “Love’s Requiem”. The track starts with some incredibly gentle synths, and houses all of the typically slow-chugging riffs you’d expect from a HIM track. Vocally too it’s an ode to Ville, with the similarities in baritone drawl, soaring moments and hushed subtlety. It’s absolutely fine as a track, and could easily pass as a HIM demo, without implying any negativity.

Next up we have “Suffering” and this one initially has a brief whiff of “Dark Light” regarding the synth delivery and tone here. Again, it’s only subtle, but HIM fans will easily pick up and appreciate the recognition. It’s got ample chorus melody and transitions, and they even deep dive into Ville’s own tastes as there’s a cheeky nod to “Crazy Train” by OZZY OSBOURNE thrown into the mix occasionally on guitar. “Just Our Autumn” has “Razorblade Romance” levels of production all over it, and it reeks of “Join Me (In Death)” but, let’s be honest, that’s never a bad thing. The throwback nostalgia this induces is sweeter than any number of sixes.

The fun doesn’t stop there either, folks, as “Wonderland”, or it’s chorus structure at the very least is very unashamedly “Salt In Our Wounds” from “Deep Shadows & Brilliant Highlights”. It’s uncanny by this point, that you could quite easily state that Flover were HIM from an alternate dimension and do you know what? I don’t think anyone would call you a liar. “Dance With Me” then steps it up a gear in terms of grit and attitude, with the guitars oozing hard rock swagger, but, what’s this? This too is familiar? Of course, it is, there are more than enough nods to “Soul On Fire” here in the instrumentation, it’s just not AS aggressive, fast-paced or intense.

“Agony In Your Eyes” then, tonally finds itself somewhere between “And Love Said No” and the gloomier aspects of 2007’s “Venus Doom”, before we eventually get the abbreviated “L.Y.L.I.C.”, which couldn’t possibly be in reference to “Tears On Tape” and “W.L.S.T.D.” could it? Surely not? An abbreviation of “Love You Like I Can”, it actually serves as a 2-in-1, as we could argue it also references “Love You Like I Do”, especially as it’s a deep rock ballad with a slow tempo and impassioned vocals.

All in all, if you are reading this, you could easily think, Gav, why are you picking so many holes here? Can’t they just enjoy what they create in honour of something they care so very much about? Well, they absolutely can, and on this, their 3rd full-length album, they haven’t disappointed. Sure, it looks like I’m calling them rip-off merchants with a near copy-and-paste formula that’s bordering on identity theft, but that’s admittedly part of the appeal. As a HIM fan, while it is genuinely appreciated that a band has taken it upon themselves to continue HIM’s niche style and sound, you can’t help but have a chuckle and a bit of banter when some of these things are so blatantly obvious.

Be it a riff, a lyrical likeness, a melody, a vocal delivery; some of these similarities we’ll say, are plain to see, and with Flover, that’s a key contributing factor of what makes them such an enjoyable listen. I respect what they are, and legitimately recommend checking them out. Not a fan of HIM but just generally enjoy Gothic-tinged melodic rock? Here’s a new band for you to check out. You ARE a HIM fan and still miss HIM, even though VV is currently active? Maybe you couldn’t get tickets for VV’s European tour and need cheering up? Get your fix here, without taking life too seriously. It’s a win/win really. [7]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/FLOVERSWEETROCK

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Lordi - "Lordiversity" Box-Set

8/10/2022

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It’s weird, right? We’re at the arse end of 2022, and Covid still crops up in the conversation regarding bands plans and ideas. Typically, you’d find that bands were a bit lost, because tours were cancelled, so they’d push some extra exclusive merch to compensate, or …they’d work on a cheeky EP to tide fans over, or even just jump straight into writing their next album. But oh no, not LORDI...

The Finnish Eurovision favourites decided fuck it; following 2020’s “Killection”, they weren’t going to get to work on the next album, or even a double-album, no, that’s too uninspired; unoriginal and quite frankly boring. The band decided to work on a concept BOX-SET, of SEVEN consecutive new and original albums, between 2021-2022 under the banner of “Lordiversity”.

A modern, retroactive time-capsule, it spans multiple genres, eras and sounds, spanning decades, covering the growth and evolution in fashionable rock ’n’ roll, but with that beastly, Lordi twist. The question is; can a bunch of pantomime shock rockers pull off such a feat? Let’s find out, as we plough through these 78 tracks, wishing they could have settled for an EP...

The series starts off with “Skelectric Dinosaur” and we find ourselves back in the late 1970’s, where rock music was at that initial turning point. That transition between the more innocent, formative rock ‘n’ roll, swing and more blues influenced styles, to what we now refer to separately as classic rock. It opens up with “SCG Minus 7: The Arrival” and with its church organs, haunting wails and children's giggles, telling you that “Monsters are coming” …it’s quite the creepy introduction. This however leads us into disappointment, as we’re greeted with first track proper; “Day Off Of The Devil”.

Musically absolutely fine for the style they are going for, imagine, KANSAS, or, ALICE COOPER or even BLUE OYSTER CULT, they’ve nailed that classic guitar tone and recording quality, credit to them, and it’s a decent, chilled out rock track, however the intro promised something a lot more sinister. The question is, how DOES the devil spend his days off? Is he there with a bowl of Coco Pops, sat on the couch in his pyjamas watching Disney+ on a Saturday morning? Who knows.... who cares...not me.

“Starsign Spitfire” has a very slow, plodding pace to it, while it does have some decent backing vocal harmonies elevating the chorus. “The Tragedy Of Annie Mae” has a very DEEP PURPLE-esque bass-line fuelling the track and it rumbles along nicely. We do eventually finish album one off with “...And Beyond The Isle Was Mary”, and we get a quaint, piano-filled piece with rainy sound effects, resulting in a gentle closing number. They nailed the sound of the era and have delivered well here overall; it’s not a bad start.

Next up we have the album “Superflytrap” and we transition rather quickly from the origins of rock and early metal, into the bright lights of the discotheque. The intro piece, “SCG Minus 6: Delightful Pop-Ins" is totes cringe babes, with the porn parody content. Some bimbo taking in the pizza guy, and the pool guy, like some seedy classic blue-movie plot-segue, until the monster breaks in and there’s screaming and terror, and it’s all a bit shit. I pray Asylum don’t read this; their movies are bad enough as it is...

The actual opening tracks “Macho Freak” and “Believe Me” are a bit better. It’s not always easy to recreate that nostalgic disco/club vibe musically with it coming out authentic, but credit to a band like Lordi, they’ve managed it. The funk-fuelled synths, alongside the twangy guitars, in this day and age remind me of DEREK BISHOP if you’re interested in modern disco, and to be fair, the band, despite their appearance, don’t sound cheesy doing this. “Bella From Hell” capitalises on some genuinely soulful backing vocals, while “Cast Out From Heaven” tries to be a genuine ballad, and, let's be honest, the vocals do NOT suit this approach. This is too jarring.

Where do we go from here? Album number three; “The Masterbeast From The Moon”, and we enter prog-rock territory. Inspired by the likes of PINK FLOYD etc, it’s a more ambitious piece but do a band like Lordi have the ability to pull this off? Let’s get one thing straight here, no... the answer is no. “Moonbeast” utilises an almost GHOST-like character instrumentally but that’s genuinely as good as it gets. The praise ends here. “Hurricane Of The Slain” highlights this point as, the piano rich, orchestrally led strings of the track are gorgeous, but the clash with the gruff vocals absolutely ruins things. It’s all well and good trying new things musically, but when the vocals are so often stagnant, it has a detrimental effect on the entire project. “Church Of The Succubus” at over 11 minutes fits better in the whole prog-rock aesthetic, but even that can’t save this record.

What do we have next? “Abusement Park”, and I can’t lie to you, I do love a play on words; this title tickles me. It reminds me of JOHNNY KNOXVILLE in the film “Action Point”, but I digress. The title track absolutely reeks of classic heavy metal with the pacing, the key transitions, the style of percussion, it’s got a semi-MOTORHEAD vibe to it as well as the likes of W.A.S.P., almost power-metal in places, and it’s very up-tempo and energetic. It can be a bit cheesy with some incredibly cliched names like “Ghost Train” and “Rollercoaster”, but it’s to be expected. “Carousel” has some wonderfully emotive, smooth, sensual guitar playing that reek of the 80’s, while “Pinball Machine” harbours this strong AC/DC, or, JUDAS PRIEST level of vocal screeching.

“Nasty, Wild & Naughty” harbours all of that overdone rock ’n’ roll sleaze lyrically, despite being a catchy piece of rock with all of the cowbell, before “Merry Blah Blah Blah” comes out of the blue as a Christmas single. The bells and choirs are there, the Santa references are there... but do you know what is also there? Me, making Ebeneezer Scrooge feel uncomfortable with my lack of festive spirit. Pull a cracker, the joke will be this song, I promise. I mean, WHY?!

Next up we have “Humanimals” and we’ve reached our more, BON JOVI and AOR inspired tracks, and it shows. Opening track proper “Borderline” has a real, I guess, bon-jovial vibe to it (I’m sorry) with its light, up-beat synths and almost hushed percussion. The chorus houses some smoother gang vocals and its honestly quite the pleasant little track instrumentally. “Victims Of The Romance” utilises a more guitar driven approach in comparison but it reeks of that, all-too parodied hair-metal era. If you choose to picture Lordi with mullets in spandex, well, that challenging wank is on YOU my friend. “The Bullet Bites Back” stands out with its genuinely sleek guitar tones, and especially it’s solo, before we revisit “Like A Bee To The Honey”. A decent piece (Written by KISS) but, two years old, and practically becoming filler at this point.

Our penultimate album, “Abracadaver” leans further into the emergence of what we now fondly refer to as modern metal, with that transitional period, from the mid to late 1980’s into the 1990’s. Ignoring the now tedious intro bit, we dive into “Devilium”, and we’re met with a bombardment of riffs, old-school thrash metal aesthetics and vocals that could make onions cry. The title-track isn’t much better truth be told. You CAN hear “Big-4” elements but the track does eventually descend into utter fret-wankery. “Beast Of Both Worlds” is arguably as good as it gets on this one, with it’s very SLAYER-esque chugging riff-work and rhythmic snarls. Done well enough but, beyond dated.

Finally, then, and oh how glad I am knowing this (Excited for this one? Hell no, I’m just glad this is over with), we round things up with “Spooky Sextravaganza Spectacular” and that name alone reeks of ROB ZOMBIE. “Demon Supreme” utilises darker synths and a semi-industrial aesthetic to give the ol' Dragula a right good rear ending. It’s a touch repetitive but it’s got an energy to it and reminds me of POWERMAN 5000 in ways. “Lizzard Of Oz” houses more chugging riffs, with a strong electronic core sound, something which a more industrial metal unit might partake-in.

“Skull And Bones (The Danger Zone)” repeats this seemingly Rob Zombie inspired instrumental direction, with it sounding aesthetically very similar. “Shake The Baby Silent” is top quality parenting advice it has to be said, Mr. Lordi collecting his dad of the year award over here, well done. Skip the bottle feed, jump straight to infanticide. It took seven albums but we do actually get our first actual stand-out highlight in the form of “Terror Extra-Terrestrial”. The intro spoils it a little bit, with its E.T parody segue, but we get a frankly quirky piece of synth-driven hard rock, and it’s honestly rather catchy. We ultimately finish up very ironically however, with the track “Anticlimax”...and I’m not even going to make any jokes here, the audio speaks for itself. After seven albums, completing this seventy-eight-track endurance test has to be rewarded in some aspect surely? Not in the slightest.

Lordi tried something different here; they have to applauded for their creative ambition, that’s without question. What DOES need to be questioned though, is why the hell they couldn’t do seven concept EP’s instead of seven full bloody albums? They could have very easily cherry-picked specific highlights, and made a far more digestible, and more importantly, enjoyable listening experience. Seventy-eight tracks, allows for far, far too much filler, and truth be told, fodder. They managed to occasionally hit certain spots musically, and instrumentally to diversify these albums into their genre’s, which is the entire point OF “Lordiversity” as a concept, but vocally they just aren’t capable of really delivering; it’s very one-dimensional for the most part, and that grates over time.

In summary... Monstrous? Check. Mediocre? Also check. If concept albums are your thing, love anthologies and collecting box-sets, or simply are a die-hard Lordi fan, you'll likely enjoy this for what it is. If you specifically like a certain style or genre, feel free to sift through your own preferences accordingly, you MIGHT get something out of it, but, as a complete package, this is at a level of grandiosity Lordi really shouldn't be dabbling in. For me? This review is finally over...give me a hard rock hallelujah! [4]

WWW.LORDI.FI

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Blind Channel - "Lifestyles Of The Sick & Dangerous"

19/9/2022

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As I’ve stated in the past, Finland feels like, from a musical standpoint at least; an adopted home. So many of my favourite artists have come from the Wintery lake-lands of Suomi, and I love their penchant for blending the sweetest melodies with the sourest melancholy, and I just vibe it.

This in turn, fuels a certain sense of bias, as when it comes to another love of mine; the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST...I tend to make a B-Line for Finland’s entries instead of supporting the UK, and I’m rarely disappointed. Whether we’re enjoying the over-the-top ridiculousness of LORDI, and their monstrously charismatic stage presence. The up-tempo dance-along qualities of pop-starlet SAARA AALTO, and this year, THE RASMUS hit us with another vibrant dose of light alternative emo courtesy of their new track “Jezebel”. This brings us to today’s artist; BLIND CHANNEL.

Blind Channel represented Finland at the 2021 ESC and, it’s the first competition I’d missed in years, because I had double booked myself in Manchester for a socially distanced gig. Disgraceful behaviour I know! Their song “Dark Side”, which effortlessly blended anthemic gang vocals, subtle nu-metal throwbacks and hip-hop aesthetics finished an incredibly respectable 6th in the grand final and the lads found themselves a global audience. 2022 finds the Finns capitalising on this with their brand-new album, and having just rounded up a run of UK tour dates, let’s remind ourselves why they live the “Lifestyles Of The Sick & Dangerous” …

The album opens up with “Opinions”, and just like arse holes, everyone’s got one, I just tend to write mine here, regardless of if you agree! I digress. It initially starts as a sort of cold, icy-synth led trap-beat with their more rap-infused vocal delivery, but they switch between more hip-hop stylistics and more aggressive flows while performing, keeping it fresh.
The chorus is soft and melodic and overall, as an opener, it would easily appease fans of HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD. Conceptually it’s about living life to your own rhythm, without caring for what anyone else believes, or thinks, march to the beat of your own drum, and that philosophy has done them well to their credit.

Next up we have the aforementioned ESC track “Dark Side” and, while over a year old now, those nu-metal qualities simply shine. It references the outcasts of life, of society, referencing the album title and things such as the infamous 27-club, hinting at a sense of unpredictability in life; a certain rebelliousness and defiance in the face of the norm and it’s like a rallying cry. Wonderful stuff.

To be fair, the album contains its fair share of absolute bops despite its mere half an hour run time, so it’s nice to see the lads opting for quality over quantity. The single “Bad Idea” shows the band have a tender side to counter their hip-hop-inspired abrasiveness, with more focus on hushed vocal styles, and a softer, mellower instrumental approach, and it works really well; look at the Blindstreet Boys by here mun! “We Are No Saints” again utilises gang-vocals and light synths, but it becomes this incredibly bold, semi-metalcore banger, with some soaring hooks and some good old-fashioned chuggy riffs.

“Don’t Fix Me” and closing track “Thank You For The Pain” utilise strong pop-punk aesthetics for a real burst of up-beat energy, especially the former, though while the latter is equally fun, with some quirky lyrical jabs, it’s let down only by its own ending. It might mean something to the lads, but, ending the album on spoken word ramblings, especially in a language you are yet to understand, it sort of takes away from the overall listening experience.

That end segment is pretty much as bad as it gets truth be told. Sure “National Heroes” as an interlude has its place as it segues into a track, following a narrative, but it doesn’t need to be a track of its own...and “Autopsy” is arguably the weakest track on the record here, for its overall lack of life...which is fitting I suppose. Conceptually however it does fit in very well with the album's themes of integrity and self-respect, self-worth and it can’t really be knocked.

Ultimately, what we have here, is an energetic, confident and acclaimed group of young rockers from Finland, who won the hearts and ears of millions during a mainstream televised song contest, with a rebellious attitude, a mature sense of defiance in the face of industry big-wigs, and the ability to go and actually do it. With those middle fingers up, they stand proud, and while the music itself might not be original, it’s as full of heart as it is hooks, and that goes a long way. The future is bright for Blind Channel...I just hope they don’t lose sight of what they are capable of. [8]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/BLINDCHANNELBAND

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Grant Macdonald - "Ram Ranch"

7/8/2022

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Allow me to preface the following review, with an outpouring of regret, grief, more regret, bewilderment and, a little bit more regret, through a literary veil of self-therapy. There was absolutely zero reason, obligating me to conduct the following review, but, at the same time, there was absolutely EVERY reason that I couldn’t NOT do this review. This is the review equivalent of Hogan v Warrior at WrestleMania VI, but with more baby oil...let me set the stage.

You know by now that, while I am perfectly capable of writing a decent, or at the very least, serious review, whether here or over on ALL ABOUT THE ROCK, I get my kicks out of the more, unusual and questionable releases available to me. I can point my finger at the likes of, KIM PETRAS, or, going back to COREY FELDMAN; I like a challenge, but this is the sort of thing that can break a man. This can Brokeback Mountain the fuck out of a man...this is “Ram Ranch” by GRANT MACDONALD, and I blame young Charlie Bryant for this 1 hour and 7 minutes of audio torture. Even the inmates at Guantanamo Bay would feel sorry for me here, but, fuck it...saddle up, we’re going in (Dry)…

Firstly, who IS Grant Macdonald? Little is known about this alleged Canadian, other than that he might be Canadian, and his name might be Grant Macdonald...he’s like the BANKSY of homoerotic cowboy rock. The album we’re tackling today originally came out in 2012, so, aside from being a rare case of retrospective reviewing from me, we’ve had a decade to process, and at times, begrudgingly accept “Ram Ranch”. It’s been used as pro-LGBTQ+ content in protests and rallies, and over its existence it became a running meme and an ongoing source of absurdity. To this day Grant has apparently released SIX HUNDRED variants of “Ram Ranch”, which is frankly both impressive and alarming. Dude has a passion, what can I say? With that said, the only way is down, as we process this piece of... art?

The album opens up with the title track, and, we initially have a dose of rather subdued heavy metal instrumentation, with all of the riffs, licks and kick drums. I say subdued because it’s practically background noise. On a production level, it’s like a demo in terms of audio quality, but the capability is there, that in itself is promising...but it’s the vocal content that draws attention here.

Allow me to set the tone lyrically; “18 naked cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch, big hard throbbing cocks wanting to be sucked, 18 naked cowboys wanting to be fucked? Cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch on their knees wanting to suck cowboy cocks; Ram Ranch really rocks!”. This is the primary content of the track from start to finish, and it’s the absurdity of this that, at first, makes it mildly amusing and, quite distressing simultaneously. The worst bit? The spoken-word over metal sounds like, CHILLS, arguably THE WORST YouTube narrator in the history of the internet, got a record deal. The repetition and looping of track one IS painful, sure, but we have 11 tracks left. Even my Jack Daniel’s needs a Jack Daniel’s...

Second track “Plowboy” has such a reverberated overlay of vocal samples, it becomes an absolute trippy mess from the moment it starts, with some, moog-esque synths, setting the tone for some almost 70’s porn rock sleaze. It’s the kind of thing to make your eye twitch, which one all depends on you and your tastes, I’m not here to discriminate.

Next up we have, “Cowboys Fucking Cowboys” and, you remember when KID ROCK was like, “I wanna’ be a Cowboy baby!”? Yeah, we’re going to shatter his dreams right now. The gentle acoustics here could easily, EASILY be used for a more serious, affectionate country ballad, but there’s so much lyrical cowboy fucking here, riding butthole’s deep...it’s like...you know when ROGER ALAN WADE did “If You’re Gonna’ Be Dumb” for JACKASS, but instead of a montage of stunts, it was gay porn...that about sums it up.

“Prince Harry” returns abruptly to that riff-heavy metal musicality, and it’s a wonder how the ever-loving fuck he got away with this one. I don’t know if this would be art, slander, or character assassination, but telling him to ride those big hard ram ranch cowboy cocks, bouncy, bouncy up and down, up and down, drink that cum, ram another cock up your royal bum? I don’t even know where the line is legally with this. I think of Harry now, in 2022, but this was ten years ago, ok Harry was still 28 at the time, but Christ. This is worse than that time he wore that Nazi costume to a party and made the front page. Who would have thought THAT could be topped?

Next up, I feel personally attacked, as we have “Suck That Cock Gavin”, and, no. Firstly I’m not even joking, that’s that track name! I’m barely here to listen to the album, I’m certainly not signing up for that. I recently reviewed VR SEX and not even they were that immersive, calm the fuck down Grant! Or at least buy me dinner first!? I’ll take the salad, hold the ram ranch dressing please...

“Big Hard Cowboy Cock” sounds like, generic mid 90’s WCW music, excluding the lyrics, obviously, Ted Turner wouldn’t tolerate that. Imagine like, the Nitro Girls were gay cheerleaders? Disco Inferno and Alex Wright would have much better careers. ” Hard Horsecock” implies that we’re entering the world of bestiality here now, and I don’t even know what I can get away with. We’ve all heard the phrase ‘hung like a horse’, but this is sung like a cunt. “12 Inch Cock” has industrialised metal elements but it’s more like, queer factory than FEAR FACTORY, while “Stable Boy” houses a more urbanised gangsta-rap / hip-hop aesthetic, but it drops more soap than it does bars.

Ultimately, whoever Grant Macdonald is...he’s committed. Or at least he should be. Credit to him, I can barely think of the words to sum this up. Not since AC/DC has an artist produced so much content with so little substance. Sure, he’s able to mix it up musically, utilising rock and metal, country and Americana, as well as hip-hop, so he’s technically actually better than AC/DC, but lyrically and vocally, I’m assuming it’s something you have to be in-on, or, ‘get’.

Ideal for reaction videos, or making friends and family question you when they hear you play it on Spotify, but, at over an hour long, it’s not a fun album in the slightest, and once the initial shock wears off, and you’ve done the whole “Wtf?” head shake, it very quickly becomes monotonous and boring. Let’s be honest, there’s only so much hard throbbing cowboy cock you can take, y’know? No? Ok then... [0]

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VR Sex - "Rough Dimensions"

17/7/2022

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Let’s talk about abbreviations... basically a shortened form of a word, phrase, or even branding... like, AEW, which is All Elite Wrestling... S&M which is the kind of fun, kinky shit I’m not going to share with you HERE, this aint Only Fans! (I say this winking at you, watching you recoil in confused arousal), and we can’t forget LGBTQ+, which, is just cheating at Scrabble, let’s be honest.

This segue brings us to VR; virtual reality... and, I’m going to have to set the scene here using DEMOLITION MAN of all things. Do you remember that bit where, Sylvester Stallone and Sandra Bullock partake in that brief bout of, futuristic head-set sexy sex? It was like being off your tits on Viagra and mushrooms with absolutely none of the nutritional value. I don’t know what confused him more, this or the seashells? I digress...this IS fitting however, as today we’ll be taking a look at VR SEX...

Comprised of Noel Skum, Z. Oro and Mico Frost, who, aside from sounding like the contents of a BTEC Kellog’s variety pack, are an acid-punk / death-rock / ethereally ambient ensemble, who released their newest album this year entitled “Rough Dimensions”. The question is, if Y4dyz =√(60/4) x yz/r² x (1/4𝜋) ½ , what the FUCK is THIS album going to sound like? There’s only one way to find out...

The album opens up with “Victim Or Vixen” and it starts with this, almost, 1970’s era, grainy synth instrumentation, that you might find in the theme of a children's TV show. That however soon descends into something between KILLING JOKE and JOY DIVISION instrumentally. It’s got a somewhat smooth post-punk aesthetic, with a lack of vocal range, practically spoken word for the most part, yet manages to bridge that with an indie/grunge vibe. It ends on an enjoyably melodic note, ultimately starting things off in an interesting manner with a variety of influences.

We quickly transition then into album highlight “Glutton For Love”, which utilizes all of the above points while delivering the hooks; the synths here make this song, and it’s got an incredibly up-beat chorus instrumentally. There’s a sense of frustration here vocally at times that harks back to the likes of THE CURE, and it lavishes in its more pop-based production because of it.
Further notable points include “Live In A Dream”, which starts off reminding me of a BLOODHOUND GANG track (Think “Along Comes Mary”), which is a mixed bag of tricks...however combining bits of bass-rich post-punk with a more indie-rock aesthetic, the verses here reek of the SLEAFORD MODS. It’s got charm to it, and it’s a grower to be fair, but the near-spoken word delivery again can be understandably off-putting. “Walk Of Fame” in turn channels the likes of RADIOHEAD, with its slowly plucked, frankly crestfallen sense of vulnerable accountability, and that itself heaps on about as much praise as I can possibly muster...

The rest of the album then which, retains that sense of overall melancholic misery, plateaus, into this generally uninspired mediocrity. “Cyber Crimes” as an interlude is absolutely pointless... at just over half a minute of electronic distortion, it sounds like a late 90’s AOL internet Dial-Up connection having a stroke. “End Vision” starts off promisingly with some up-beat, catchy percussion and does maintain an up-tempo rhythm, but is let down by the stagnant vocal delivery. At least for half the track...the last half plods itself over the finish line with the laziest of riffs that, loop so lethargically...it’s like that cut off point where you can hear them running out of ideas.

VR SEX, I guess, on first listen, are a bit like losing your actual virginity. On paper it’s a wonderous thing; you go into it head-on full of excitement without the foggiest idea what you’re doing, fumble your way through until you finish, a bit sloppily, thinking...oh? “Rough Dimensions” here has its ideas, as do the band in general, but just like Stallone wearing that head-set, you can’t help but wish it was just some, back-to-basics post-punk, or in his case, post-spunk. An average album by an average band with a quirky name...now if you’ll excuse me, taking off MY headset, the curtains have been open this whole time, and, the bacon just pulled up...at least the band can thank me for some decent exposure? No? (Laughing for the last time as a free man) *KNOCK KNOCK* “Open up! It’s The Police!”...fuck... [4]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/VRSEXBAND

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GWAR - "The New Dark Ages"

18/6/2022

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The last time we heard from GWAR, the intergalactic horde of phallic, barbaric and comically grotesque humanoids, were celebrating the 30th anniversary, of their breakthrough record “Scumdogs Of The Universe”. (Check out the All About The Rock website here for that review) ...

Now, on paper, this seemed like a wonderful idea, as their unique brand of punk-infused hard rock, and gory, splatter-house stage theatrics means a GWAR show can’t go wrong, right? Sadly, not so much. We have to factor in a few key things like, not a sole original founding member continues to play for the band, (Iconic front-man Oderus, portrayed by Dave Brockie, being quite dead is quite note-worthy)... couple this with the fact that, they played their anniversary show to nobody, in the middle of a pandemic, in an empty room over the internet. It was underwhelming at best, and really didn’t do them justice.

Here, in 2022, with their first new original material since 2017’s “Blood Of The Gods”, GWAR are back with “The New Dark Ages” ...a concept album that accompanies a new graphic novel entitled “GWAR In The Duoverse Of Absurdity”, which finds the band sucked off (You read that right) into an alternate universe, to battle their evil twins. Or, something. Knowing them, they’ll take the term graphic novel far too literally! With that said, let’s enter a new dark age as we hit the play button...

The album starts off worryingly slowly with the title-track, but I guess it’s doing a job here, setting a tone for the album's narrative as a whole. It’s got a low drone underlying some minimal church bells, before slow, ominous guitar notes and it can be said, that it sounds like it could come from some folkish medieval horror movie. It’s plodding for the most part, quite uninspired, aside from a random autotune vocal fill that comes out of the blue, but it's really quite straightforward.

Somehow, follow-up track “Blood Libel” manages to sound even more basic, almost lazy. There ARE stoner, sludgy elements sprinkled throughout the track, subtly faint djent qualities, but the riffs and overall instrumentation here are so sporadically delivered in terms of its tempo and structure, it’s like it struggles to find its own momentum. Lyrically? We’ve got 3am orgies, cheese pizza and catholic church baby raping rings all in the space of one verse, I mean, OK? Have they been reading this blog? Did I just self-incriminate? I confess...I like cheese pizza...*cough*

Gwar are meant to be an energetic, arguably psychotic band of reprobates, with punk-infused stylistics and an eye for social satire, so there must be some fun to be had here somewhere? Luckily the singles have been half-decent. “Mother Fucking Liar” takes things up a slight notch with some decent, groove-laden riff-work. Story-wise, “Berserker Mode” tells of vocalist Blothar rediscovering terrifying old powers to a backdrop of up-tempo, old-school thrashy metal, providing one of the albums earlier highlights.

“Completely Fucked” has got some frenetic vocal delivery surrounding the chorus, as well as some classic guitar wailing, yet manages to sound quite jovial towards its climax, while “Venom Of The Platypus” utilises an unexpected electronic intro, immediately catching your ear. It has to be said though, only a band as utterly bizarre as Gwar, would sing about a platypus...talk about a fitting spirit animal! It’s a mammal, with a beak, a venom gland on its...feet? Oh, and it lays eggs? God was fucking high again smoking them acacia bushes when he made that one, wasn’t he?

This is even before we come to “Ratcatcher”. Easily the albums most accessible, arguably catchiest track, it’s got soft rock hooks aplenty in the chorus, despite the lyrical content of children trapped in his basement. It’s a bit stop start with the riff work, and there’s plenty of cowbell, but generally speaking it’s a good foot-tapper of a track; enjoyable enough in its simplicity, but not astounding. It’s something that TURBONEGRO fans may appreciate, it gives off that vibe.

The rest of the album, over its 15-track run time, does drag a little sadly. “Bored To Death” being so late in the album is ironic as, that’s pretty much how I feel by this point in the grand scheme of things...yet more generic metal. Closing track then “Deus Ex Monstrum” is nothing more than a kick in the bollocks quite frankly. At over ten minutes long, it’s an instrumental that takes forever to get to what sounds like computer glitching, like, it’s meant to represent them traversing between these universes, but in actuality, it reeks of pointlessness.

For the most part, if you like your metal very run of the mill, and will just happily head-bang your day away with a can of warm Red Stripe, you crack on, you probably don’t even care who this review is about do you? Truthfully, maybe reading the graphic novel will help these tracks mean more, and it’s better off as a packaged concept from a creative standpoint, but as a stand-alone album, this is less GWAR, and more Gwhy? The metal genre wasn’t around in the 1300’s but, this album at times feels just as antiquated, ya’ bunch of musical, alien ronyon’s! [4]

WWW.GWAR.NET

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/GWAR

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Sexblood - "Teach Me To Cry"

4/6/2022

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For a nation the size of the UK, let’s be honest, when it comes to the arts and media, quite specifically music, we’ve been over-delivering forever. I could reel off a plethora of bands, musicians, vocalists and performers from up and down these isles but, I’d be here for days, so, we’re going to just focus on one place in particular; Manchester.

Now, with that being said, even here I’m going to be skipping a ton of names, because let’s be honest, the HAPPY MONDAYS or TAKE THAT wouldn’t quite fit in with what I’m trying to portray here. We want the melancholy; we want the tortured poets that pioneered genres, and inspired countless kids to pick up instruments. Manchester has these in droves, whether it’s past icons like JOY DIVISION or THE SMITHS...or more recent breakout bands like PALE WAVES and IST IST...Manchester bands love their music and lyricism soaked in misery, as that working-class industrialised backdrop allows for a special kind of up-beat negativity in music. It’s a special place Manchester...and there’s no place quite like it...only...there actually is.

Baring all of that in mind, today what we’re actually going to be doing, is focussing on a city called Mulhouse, in the Alsace region on far-Eastern France, which, funnily enough, is called “The French Manchester”. I guess you could say, Franchester? Look, I don’t want to risk being stabbed with a baguette, OK? An industrial city practically on Germany’s doorstep we’re that far East, it houses today’s band, and arguably my discovery of the year; SEXBLOOD.

Saying I’ve discovered sex blood isn’t something I’m comfortable with on the internet, and googling them is questionable at best (The FBI guy spying through my webcam must absolutely hate me) but this group of post-punk / Goth revivalists, consisting of guitarist/vocalist (Also studio drummer) Abel De Beauvoir, synth-maestro Sybil Viola and bassist Demon VI, have unleashed their début album in 2022, entitled “Teach Me To Cry”. The question is, will this review make them cry happy tears? Or tears of utter despair? Let’s find out...

The album opens up with “Silent Hill” and great, from the word go I’ve got to contend with Pyramid Head? Can I at least finish this review before I get violently butchered to death? I digress...the track begins with a sense of, Eastern-inspired guitar tone, before we delve into the more expected, bass-rich, post-punk aesthetic that could easily come right out of the FIELDS OF THE NEPHILIM / SISTERS OF MERCY textbook. They’ve taken great care to sound not only nostalgic but authentic...not that the band AREN’T but, their sound, it’s so accurate.

This is only hammered home on follow up track and album highlight number one “Black Rain”, and by highlight number one I mean exactly that; we’ve got plenty to enjoy here. The track itself initially opens with some distortion delay but we soon get straight into those up-beat, 80’s vibes, that easily house the likes of the aforementioned Sisters, but, KILLING JOKE and THE CURE too. From Abel’s deeper vocal drawl, the dance-along vibes of the instrumentation, the combination of jovial keys and light guitar tones with darker, deeper lyrics and a sense of foreboding; this is incredible.

The only thing stopping this being the albums top track is the outro, with its sort of, B-Movie drama segment, rounding things off. It’s unnecessary, to the point it actively spoils the track. You might think, ok, maybe in the music video it makes sense with the narrative, but no, even that’s black screen and nothingness. They tried something and it didn’t work, but let’s not let that take away from this album as a whole.

The album’s highlight for sure, has to go to “Sleeping Angel”...which, quite simply gets everything right. The clap-along percussion, the sensual, rhythmic movement of the track as it flows, the positivity in the keys as they pierce the track like the brightest moon on the darkest night, almost guiding the despair, it’s genuinely beautiful and this could easily be at home on any Sisters’ record it’s that good. Tracks like “Soultrap” and “Holodomor” maintain these elements as they balance the depth of Abel’s vocal huskiness in places, with a polished instrumental counter. “Bad Priest” as a closing track is a real up-tempo number, based in mistrust and being let down by those you look up to, but it couldn’t sound any more encouraging and dance-happy if it could. Detrimental to the core message perhaps? Possibly...but it’s catchy as shit.

If there’s anything negative to take from this record it’s “Bloodshift”...and that’s purely because, as an instrumental piece, an interlude if you will, it comes out of the blue and somewhat spoils the flow of the album. If anywhere I’d have used it as an intro segue into the album but even then, it’s a nothing-track...

Ultimately, today we have learned that France has its own Manchester, that faux Manchester has its own post-punk scene and SEXBLOOD are easily at the forefront. To some it may sound dated, but that’s why it’s so damn good! You don’t get many bands peddling these wares nowadays and SEXBLOOD do it effortlessly. This is a nostalgia trip for Gothic genre lovers, and “Teach Me To Cry” brought happy tears to MY eyes...and I’m grateful for losing my SEXBLOOD virginity. Oh wait....Ohhhhh OK I get it. You gone done popped my cherry you French fucks... [9]

GET "TEACH ME TO CRY" ON BANDCAMP HERE

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/SEXBLOOD

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Junksista - "Oxytocin High" EP

24/5/2022

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If you cast your mind back to February, you may remember I reviewed an EP by the name of “Fuck Your Pretty Face”, by German, alternative techno-pop duo JUNKSISTA. For the record I didn’t, nor haven’t; I can’t reach, but, that’s beside the point. Anyway, as stated in the review, there is history between both parties, as the rapport has always been tongue-in-cheek but, respectful. Whether vocalist Diana sends me new material with a sly smile; seeing if I’ll bite and accept the challenge, or, whether it’s me laughing at a ridiculous lyric or song title; it’s wholesome ribbing.

While the EP in question had some meaning, within its own narrative at least, primarily the title track, plus a decent surprise courtesy of a random KISS cover, the EP lacked in the overall absurdity that I had familiarised myself with. This brings us to the here and now, and, merely three months later, the duo have returned with yet another brand-new EP entitled “Oxytocin High”. If previous releases are anything to go by, I could do with some drugs to get through this! With that being said, let’s dust off the old walk-man, pop in that cassette tape and hope we remember how to fucking work the damn thing...

We kick things off with the title track, and it’s time to do a little googling; what actually IS oxytocin? Are we about to get off our tits on some, brain-melting, kaleidoscopic hallucinogens? I should be so lucky. It’s actually a hormone produced in the hypothalamus, and known as the “love hormone”, it helps facilitate childbirth and aftercare. It plays a vital role in emotional bonding and, feeling a connection between people...allegedly. I think my brain is out of stock in that department. I digress, the track gets underway with some pulsing electronic notes, and some hushed, autotuned vocals, as Diana asks “Why can’t you be fucking happy?” ...and it’s a good question.

It’s a song about contentment; the idea of chasing a love, or, a bond you may never find; not satisfied, the grass being forever greener on every other side, and needing to realise the quick thrill of that, one moment of passion, lust and wanting, isn’t going to make you happy in the long run. You’ll forever be chasing your next fix, romantically and emotionally, eventually failing to feel satisfaction, and it wonderfully uses our desire for love, comfort, and togetherness as a flaw. It’s a deep song, but it’s balanced by an incredibly light, bubbly, retro synth-pop aesthetic that’s been plucked straight out of the 80’s with a modern dance vibe, and it works.

We follow this up with EP highlight “Aerobic” and while it tonally could easily match ERIC PRYDZ for dirty dance anthem sensuality, I went into this thinking exclusively of Douglas Reynholm conducting secretive sexy dance classes. All of the short-shorts and hip-thrusting going on with this one, getting a proper sweat on by here! The track itself is a lively, pulsing piece of electronica, with up-beat pop vibes aplenty and some clap-along percussion; it’s the kind of track you’d imagine the lad's sniffing ketamine to in Kooler’s in Merthyr Tydfil. I like this.

Next up, we get “Whore On The Floor” and... it’s a little disappointing. On face value, you’d think KIM PETRAS has highjacked the track to continue her slut-pop revolution; dancing her knickers off, bleating her way around the club like the very throat goat she claims she is, but really, it’s a slow, anti-climactic track. The whore might be on the floor, but, she’s out for the count, and you just want to call her a taxi home. Poor girl’s been on her knees all day give her a rest! Other than some minimalist catchy synths, this is incredibly tame by comparison to the aforementioned and I hereby challenge Diana to lyrically out-slut Kim Petras. Maybe even a collaboration? Who knows? Fuck, that’s who...fuck knows.

Last time around we highlighted their KISS cover; "I Was Made For Loving You", which genuinely suited them aesthetically, but here we have another cover to potentially appeal to a wider audience, and it comes in the form of SALT-N-PEPPA classic “Push It”. While it retains a lot of the tracks original 80’s quirkiness, it does come across as more of a medley or, a mash up, with original lyrics and snippets of THE KINKS thrown in for good measure, and to be perfectly honest, it’s better. It’s more of a substantial version, with less filler and it’s not like it’s been musically drawn-out needlessly. Credit where it’s due, they’ve got a knack for picking covers than work for them. The final track then is just a remix of the title track and it’s your typical, generic dance-inspired remix; nothing spectacular whatsoever and nothing worth mulling over.

Overall, it appears that, while there are still subtle nods to some of that aforementioned absurdity, Junksista are slowly but surely taking their ass off the whoopee cushion. Believe me when I say this; the band are maturing, but I don’t mean it in a patronising way, there is a genuine, evolution in the duo’s lyricism, and while they still have their little digs here and there, they aren’t over the top. Going forward, they are even more so now, situated to be at the forefront of a fresh generation of alternative synth-wave, and could easily keep the genre alive and kicking.

Previous efforts may not have contributed to the release of much oxytocin, I’ll level with you, but steadily, you can be a junkie for Junksista and not feel ashamed. Controlled doses, I guess? Perfect? No. Diana’s vocal delivery, with her spoken word, hushed tones, ARE niche, but they are delivering catchy tracks that will get them increasingly picked up at alt. Club nights across Europe, and I do believe there are bigger and better things to come. In the meantime, the club is now closed, and there is still a whore on the floor...I have hoovering to do...is she dead? [6]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/JUNKSISTA

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Jackass: A Music Retrospective

24/4/2022

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Hello I’m Gavin Griffiths, and welcome to my blog...certain generations, have their own favoured and, primarily heartfelt, nostalgic pieces of pop-culture that, they fondly look back on, with a happy tear in their eye, and the very fondest of memories. Sure, I was born in 89’ (Age reveal right there) and remember plenty of things like the Power Rangers taking over the world, the original Pokémon taking over the world, the SPICE GIRLS phenomenon taking over the world, Pinky & The Brain WANTING to take over the world, but nothing gripped me more as a young teen and, quite truthfully, prospectless delinquent, than JACKASS.

When it first hit screens in 2000 on MTV, I was HOOKED. Sure, it was ridiculous watching Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Steve-O et al putting themselves through what they did, and let's be quite honest here, a LOT of us did the same, ignoring those “professional warnings” (I’m not joking when I say that, I should be dead right now, not writing this), but it was that on-screen friendship, that level of banter and comradery, that had us all cringing, crying, and laughing our asses off, often simultaneously.

While the stunts themselves are memorable, and oh boy there are so many to pick from, we often forget, or, overlook the soundtracks; the songs that remind us of that one particular time we laughed, while someone nearly died. Now in 2022, as the guys (Along with some fresh cast members) have released the franchises fourth movie instalment; “Jackass Forever”, which is out on Blu-Ray now, and with “Jackass 4.5” hitting Netflix next month, let’s look at the music that enhances the stupidity, and take a deep dive into some of the most memorable musical moments in Jackass history.

Now, for the sake of this piece not being biblical in length, we’ll be focusing on the movies, but if there’s one song you HAVE to include, it’s “Corona” by MINUTEMEN. Sure, it may have been released back in 1984, with its own intended purposes, and meanings to the early punk-rockers, but when you hear those opening chords, you just picture that skull and crutches logo hitting the black screen, and you just KNOW you are in for a good time. The up-beat, jovial tones of the song enhance the light-hearted tomfoolery of the prank-loving cast, and as a bouncy piece of music, with it’s almost oompah-esque level of frivolity, it’s perfect for the laugh-along nature of the show. It resurrected an entire band and became an anthem for modern day idiots in one swoop. You simply HAVE to smile, when you hear this song come on, it’s an unwritten law.

Before we get into some specifics there are some famous stand-out, and reoccurring tracks that we have to applaud, and the first of those, has to be the “Party Boy” theme. It’s no more, than a simple piece of retro, synth-driven funky dance music, but as SOON as you hear those bass-driven keys pulse through your speakers, you just KNOW, that someone, from somewhere, is going to strip down to a shiny silver thong, and dance crotch-first into your face. Again, the very thought of Chris Pontius getting to do his favourite thing in the world; strip, to dance semi-naked for some unsuspecting victim, will never not be hilarious. I don’t care if you’re a Japanese fortune teller or Sami Zayn at WWE’s WrestleMania...you aren’t safe from Party Boy!

We can’t NOT mention, ROGER ALAN WADE. Johnny Knoxville’s cousin and blues country icon, he probably IS mostly famous for his contribution to Jackass in wider circles, but his penchant for his heart-on-his-sleeve lyricism, was fine-tuned to perfection on this mellow masterpiece; “If You’re Gonna Be Dumb You Gotta Be Tough”. It carries with it the same light-hearted tone as the title theme, but lyrically it just fits PERFECTLY. It makes light of the absurdity and insanity, and while a relaxed acoustic piece, it only enhances the fun. It’s one of those songs that, like with the intro, simply brings a happy tear to your eye as you know EXACTLY where this comes from, what it represents. Country music is rarely considered anthemic, but in its own right this is the anthem of idiots worldwide.

So much so in fact, it’s become sort of, a secondary Jackass anthem, having appeared in all of the movies in some capacity. In "Jackass Number Two", we had a version by SMUT PEDDLERS, which brought a far more intense, raw, punk-rock tone to the track, which was fitting with the film. While the song went up a level, so did the cast, and so did the stunts, and it was just next level brilliance in its own right. Everyone enjoys a good number two. “Jackass 3D” saw YEAH YEAH YEAHS front-woman KAREN-O wrap her vocals around another fresh cover, which, DID return to a more country/acoustic, almost banjo vibe, as we’d come full circle, and this was almost closure for the team. There was a poignancy to the track, as it was here, that we’d thought we’d seen the last of the Jackass crew on the big screen, or any screen, and it was sweet. This is something that ties us into the next three tracks...bear with me while I get a bit weepy.

In terms of closure, few tracks hit home more emotionally than “Memories” by WEEZER, from “Jackass 3D”. Those closing credits ten years ago, with the old-school footage, the apropos lyrical reflection on the cast and crews' memories...despite being a genuinely fun song, it was a beautifully sad song at the very same time. We grew up with the crew, their antics, and it felt like closure, and memories were all we would have of this brilliantly insane decade. Sadly, memories would become TOO meaningful, as Ryan Dunn, one of the most beloved cast members, tragically passed away in a car accident not too long after the third film came out. While the song “Memories” brought happy tears to our eyes, Roger Alan Wade returned to really turn on the water works, with his song “The Light Outlives The Star”, and while not part of the Jackass movie continuity, from a soundtrack point of view, it HAS to be included. RIP Ryan, we miss you and we love you, you Random Hero you.

This brings us back to “Jackass Forever”, and ten years in the making, they made sure we felt all of the feels. JOHNNY CASH played us into the trailer with “We’ll Meet Again” and we couldn’t WAIT for the latest instalment...the quaint qualities of the track brought back all of the nostalgia, the laughs, the good times, and those memories, and we knew the new film was going to go HARD. Harder than the man in black, drugged up playing a prison concert. Harder than Chris Pontius’ Godzilla penis...spoiler alert. “If You’re Gonna Be Dumb...” gets another nostalgic, acoustic cover this time courtesy of DJ PAUL and YELAWOLF but it incorporates a more modern, trap/hip-hop vibe and goes down its own lyrical route, breathing fresh life into the track a decade on. It brings together a new generation, a new cast, a new audience, and it’s quirky.

Elsewhere, every song, has different connections to different fans, depending on their own personal Jackass preference. Very easily, we could talk about CKY and the connection with Bam, as he merged his original footage into the original series, and got his brothers band a full-on cult-like following. We all remember “69 Quite Bitter Beings” or, “Bernadette Nerr”, and of course, “Flesh Into Gear” from the first movie...and we can’t ignore “Afterworld” from “Jackass 3D”. CKY goes hand-in-hand with Jackass, but they are one of the most underrated bands on the planet. ANDREW WK can’t be left out with his party-hard anthem “We Want Fun”. Seeing the Jackass guys on Kerrang! in this music video was just amazing!

These are all key songs though in marketing, promotion, but what tracks stand out to our favourite stunts? While I could be here all day laughing to myself about the stupidest shit imaginable, what truly stands out? Ok the new movie has yet to sink into to our pop-culture conscious but, while these things take repeated views to really hammer home their genius, we can easily fondly remember the classics. The first movie has “Let’s Get Fucked Up” from the golf cart scenes...perfectly delivered by the SMUT PEDDLERS as Knoxville gets knocked out. SLAYER provide “Angel Of Death” for the first ever movie stunt, the “Rent-A-Car Derby”...the SAHARA HOTNIGHTS soundtrack Ryan Dunn getting the shit kicked out of him by a girl, and how can we ignore SIR MIX-A-LOT with “Baby Got Back”?

Number two got a little more cultured, including a variety of artists, ranging from rap group THREE 6 MAFIA who happily watched Dave England eat dry horse shit...to the ELVIS PRESLEY classic “A Little Less Conversation” enhancing the “Beehive Limo”...we had Scandinavian leather rockers TURBONEGRO play “The Gauntlet” via “All My Friends Are Dead”, while Chris Pontius himself delivered a track called “Karazy” which was an unofficial sequel to “Sand Vagina”.

TWSITED SISTER aided in the intro to “Jackass 3D” with “The Kids Are Back”, which was poignant too in the grand scheme of things, while we had blistering numbers by SASSAFRAS and a returning Roger Alan Wade with “Party In My Pants” ...before the ten-year hiatus, and ultimately, “Jackass Forever”, provided us with a fresh bunch of artists. Fans of Jackass will have their favourite cast-members, their favourite stunts and their favourite songs from the series, but collectively, we have to appreciate the thought and consideration that’s gone into these compilations. Sure, we’ve all made stunt clips, skating videos, skits, inspired by the Jackass crew, hell, I’ve been lucky enough to meet Steve-O and Bam, but we all take different memories from the stunts, the scenes, and the songs.

We are blessed to live in a world where Jackass not only exists, but is applauded. It is escapism in the grandest form, it is relief from all of our own pain, suffering and misery, it is therapy for those less fortunate, and for that, and I will fucking name you...Jeff, Spike, Dimitry, Johnny, Bam, Steve-O, Ryan, Chris, Preston, Weeman, Rachel, Poopies, Ehren, Jasper, Zach, Eric, Dave, Raab, Rake, DiCamillo, Jess, April, Phill, Novak, Kosick, Loomis, Lance, Sean, everyone...THANKYOU. Everyone involved who ever made my own up-bringing a better place; THANKYOU...these soundtracks, as well as these films, fuelled a generation, and I, as well as many other people around the world, wouldn’t be the same without Jackass. Am I dumb? Yes. Am I tough? You bet your ass I’m tough...and I have these misfits to thank for it. We all do. Now, in the words of those Smut Peddlers...let’s get fucked up. #JackassForever.

Remember, Jackass Forever is available RIGHT NOW on Blu-Ray, and other downloadable media type things, also the unseen footage will be included in Jackass 4.5, which will be on Netflix on May 20th. Merchandise is available online, and you can follow all of your favourite Jackass stars on social media. Warning...the stunts that you may or may not have remembered in this nostalgic commemorative write-up were performed by professionals. Neither you nor your dumb buddies should attempt any of the things that this article has fondly reminisced on your behalf, because I’m not going to court because you’re a fucking idiot. Seriously I’m hammering that point home right now I know what the internet is like. Actually, scrap that, I’m not a hypocrite, just don’t come crying to me when you’ve got a toy car up your ass, getting tossed by a bull, eating a vomlette, blindfolded, in an exploding portable toilet. If it DOES happen though, film it for fuck's sake, don’t waste good footage.

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/JACKASS

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King Satan - "Occult Spiritual Anarchy"

10/4/2022

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2022 is a big year for monarchy; not only is Queen Elizabeth II celebrating her Platinum Jubilee (I honestly didn’t know Liz had shifted that many records to be fair, the National Anthem is doing BIG numbers fam!) but it also marks the return of KING SATAN. The Finns, based in Tampere, first caught my attention back in 2017 with their strikingly assertive debut “King Fucking Satan”, which viciously blended hints of blackened metal with an aggrotech vibe. They’ve recently gotten in touch again with their latest album “Occult Spiritual Anarchy” and asked me to check it out...sounds like a good time to me.

Before we get to any music, I want to point out that the album title sounds like we’re about watch out-takes and bloopers from Zak Bagan's Ghost Adventures...it’s an energy I live for, and I hope the album lives up to this. Pass me a Ouija board, I want to roast a demon! I jest. We open up with “Left Hand Path Symphony” and it initially starts with an almost, punk-rock level of frenetic urgency, before we get more familiar electronic key notes, giving it a sort of, house of horrors vibe. This is up-beat and intense, especially as vocalist King Aleister Satan tears his way through the track with his throat scorching scowls. It wonderfully blends an impatient aggressiveness with impressively streamlined pop-hooks and the combination really works. A strong start this.

This is immediately followed by “The Faces Of The Devil” and in terms of aesthetic and energy level, we’re on par, and they’re blistering through this. We’re treated to some more distinct, classic rock inspired 6-string work with the guitar solo, which stands out from the techno, blast-beat-bombardment, but it complements the track, as opposed to sounding out of place. “Human Sacrifice” is something I will also endorse (And the track is alright too) ...as keyboardist Kate Boss gets to wrap her vocals around this one, and her super smooth, innocent harmonies sound positively angelic compared to the back-drop of unapologetic metal, resulting in quite the dramatic listening experience.

If things haven’t impressed you by this point, then, and quite appropriately, we get “This Is Where The Magick Happens” and it’s easily the albums stand-out track. For an industrial-tinged sub-genre of metal this has no right being this catchy. Stylistically, little differs it from the above, but there’s a positivity and bounce to this and you can easily imagine this being insanely good at a live show, as its borderline anthemic in its own right. A fantastically fun track this.

As much fun as we’re having however, there are a few niggling issues to address with a couple of the tracks. “The Pagan Satan” for example, makes use of subtle, folk horror feels, but despite moments of guitar work, it plods along methodically, and the almost spoken-word vocal delivery reminds you of “The Hessian” by VALLENBROSA, though sadly not as enjoyable. “Spiritual Anarchy ‘22” while being fun musically, has these, almost Elmo-esque vocal samples and it detracts from an otherwise O.K track. Closing track then “Outro (Clowning Is A Serious Business)” on face value looks like it’d fit right in with the type of drivel INSANE CLOWN POSSE would spout, or even BIG DUMB FACE...either way it’s an absolute nothing-track, complete waste of time and three minutes of your life you’ll never get back.

Ultimately, while they’ve retained elements from their debut, with them still combining those coarse, metal elements with the more synth-heavy notes, they’ve toned back on the industrial/EDM aspects of their sound and delivered more of a straight-up, hard hitting heavy rock record. Does that matter? No, because King Satan have still delivered another solid record that’s well worth checking out. Occult spiritual anarchy? It’s the kind of fun you’d risk getting burnt at the stake for. [7]

WWW.KINGSATAN.NET

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Popping666Cherries - "Heaven & Hell" EP

6/3/2022

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Finding and, in-turn writing about new bands, isn’t necessarily always about the music... it allows you to discover, and thus learn about new places as well. For instance, today we’ll be taking a little field trip up into Scotland, and more specifically, a town called Troon.

A quiet coastal town situated in West Ayrshire, it’s a place you’ve probably heard of if you’re a fan of golf, with it not only having the Royal Troon Golf Course, which occasionally hosts the Open Championship, but it’s the birthplace of Colin Montgomerie; one of the most successful to ever swing a golf club. Other than that? Well...aside from a couple of footballers, it’s fair to say that it’s not exactly a place that comes to mind about...anything. Especially music. Can today’s band change that?

Let me introduce you to POPPING666CHERRIES. Now before we even press play, we have to address this name...we all know that’s there’s a certain sense of edgier appeal in this sort of thing; just look at the likes of ADOLF SATAN, or the majestically titled ANAL CUNT, but they roll off the tongue a lot easier. Merely SAYING Popping666Cherries, is frankly just as hard, as finding the 666 virgins on a Scottish council estate to begin with. Speaking of council estates...the cover art for their latest EP “Heaven & Hell” looks so bleak and desolate it makes Mad Max’s own dystopian post-apocalypse look like a day out in fucking Disneyland. I’m sure Crosbie Church and cemetery would have made for a far happier visual. Nevertheless, we have music to check out, and, they did ask nicely.

The EP opens up with “Family Ties” and, musically this isn’t what I was expecting truth be told. It’s got quite a light, almost bubbly electronic aesthetic...it sounds like it’s been plucked right out of that, early, proto-goth experimental era, combining the likes of NEW ORDER with the most subtle of industrial underlays. It’s honestly not unpleasant, until we get to vocalist Gwen Smith, that is. Her vocals are at such a juxtaposition here with the music it takes you a minute to let it sink in. Her incredibly gruff, almost spoken-word delivery does little but clash with the up-beat instrumentation and it’s bordering on off-putting, but we’ll see where this goes.

We follow this with arguably the EP’s two strongest offerings; “Candyman” and “GSquad”. The former, while realistically drawn out at just shy of five minutes, musically, does make good use of those 80’s post-punk influences, and its strength is in Its simplicity. The rhythm here, coupled with the sharper electronic notes and indie-based guitar style is, instrumentally at least, quite catchy and could be utilised for a much better track. The latter then, takes those post-punk ideologies and indulges further in the darker, bass-rich soundscapes of say, SISTERS OF MERCY and again, could genuinely lay the foundations for a really good gothic-rock track. Sadly, it’s front-woman Gwen here who let’s everything down. I mean, in terms of her performance, it’s hard to put a finger on it. Imagine, like, hooking up an 8-Track cassette recorder directly to one of Lemmy’s lungs following his 1,000th Marlboro of the morning, while using South Park’s Ned Gerblansky as inspiration tonally, and instead of using an actual recording booth, it’s a sewer.

The last two tracks then sadly act as nothing more than filler. “Over The Edge” does have its almost, 69 EYES inspired guitar tones from their formative gothic-rock years, think, “Framed In Blood” era, while closing track then “Fire And Desire” houses a much darker, blackened aesthetic when it gets going, which cushions the more lust-fuelled, almost seductively sacrificial, very sexual lyrics. There’s a strong BDSM vibe layered throughout the track but I truly believe even Pinhead himself would think twice...

Ultimately, while I appreciate Gwen getting in touch for this, sadly this has for the most part, disappointed. There are plenty of moments over the course of the five tracks that hold great promise, as they’ve nailed that classic crossover sound of post-punk, early electronica and a dusting of industrial swarf, and that aspect of the band works just fine, but the vocals aren’t up to the task. The inspirations of ANNE RICE, EDGAR ALLAN POE, some of my own personal favourite bands, horror, mythology and hell even fetishism, told me I was potentially in for a great time with this EP, and I wanted to enjoy this so badly, but it wasn’t to be. We’ll end here on a more positive note though...cherry pips are a source of amygdalin, which your body converts to cyanide. Take those 666 cherry pips and chew them up nice and good before you listen to anymore. You can thank me when I bust out the Ouija board. [3]

WWW.POPPING666CHERRIES.COM

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Junksista - "Fuck Your Pretty Face" EP

6/2/2022

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Pennywise the dancing clown...a trans-dimensional being that returns to Derry, Maine, every 27-years to feed upon the fear of the children, devouring them to a chorus of NENA’s “99 Red Balloons”...(I wish). The Creeper...a ferocious, cannibalistic, cryptid-esque humanoid monster, that roams the back roads of Northern Florida every 23-years, feeding on the unlucky chosen few, as it harvests their body parts to regenerate, and prolong its own necrotic existence. JUNKSISTA...a German alternative electro duo, that seemingly return every four years to challenge me musically and punch me right in the twat. Allow me to elaborate.

Back in 2014, Diana Noir and Boog, who make-up Junksista, released an album by the name of “High Voltage Confessions”, and upon review I didn’t hesitate to confess my disdain for the utter cringeworthy lyricism. Most artists are, or can be, put-off by negative feedback, but credit to the duo, they came back in 2018 with “Promiscuous Tendencies”, and with a wink and a cheeky smile, they challenged me for round two, and I have to be honest, I was humbled. Now don’t get me wrong...the follow up wasn’t a masterpiece, but everything from the style instrumentally, more serious lyrics and production quality HAD improved, and they provided some genuinely catchy tracks. Now...in 2022, Diana has gotten in touch and forwarded me their brand-new EP, charmingly titled “Fuck Your Pretty Face”...let’s smear some makeup for round three.

We open up with the title track and it’s got a fairly straightforward, pulsing electronic core, with only subtle guitar surges until the solo-effort, and really in ways it sort of combines the likes of, edgier, modern DEPECHE MODE with a more ambient NINE INCH NAILS. Lyrically it’s very simplistic, frankly repetitive, and it’s a clear dig at societies sense of, shallow, plastic materialism, especially in young women. Your make up looks lovely darling but there’s nothing beneath it, all style and no substance, stop following those “influencers” and stop living for likes. It does come across as personal, to be honest, but the raw honesty is appreciated. It isn’t JUST a song title, Diana is talking to you really quite directly, and if you feel attacked...well...

Next up we have “Cravings”, and musically here we have another, really quite generic, run of the mill piece of, almost dark-wave, with certain notes reminding of pre-post-punk GOST. Lyrically, again, incredibly simple and minimal...given the bands back catalogue and knowing their penchant for the intimate, theses cravings are no doubt sexual, or sensual, and it is hinted at but not said directly. I think Diana wants to take the EP’s title quite literally but that’s all I’m going to say on the matter. Speaking of, there is a remix of said title track by PSY’AVIAH and frankly it brings very little to the table. It’s slightly rearranged, incorporates more of that dark-wave aesthetic and plods along just fine, but doesn’t inspire a great deal; it’s typical B-Side fodder essentially.

This brings us to our closing track, and this was a genuine surprise. 1979 KISS classic “I Was Made For Loving You” gets the cover treatment, and what was a sort of, disco-rock / glam-funk crossover prototype, gets the cold, slow, chill-wave / dream pop treatment. It does work, and Junksista’s already established, often sexualised lyricism, allows this to not feel out of place at all. To be fair there are slight elements to this that could be fitting for a Bond theme to a degree, which is pretty prestigious in its own right.

Ultimately, I have to say, I’m disappointed. The banter and rapport between myself and Diana over the last two records did admittedly lead to a certain sense of expectation; I was expecting to enjoy bits, wince at bits, maybe even shed a tear as I reach for my bottle of Jack Daniel’s, equally saddened and proud of being able to put my eardrums through such a barrage of potential absurdity...instead, this was a fairly safe, very minimal EP, especially lyrically. There was no twat punching, there were no whoopee cushions or questionable ice cream references...nothing. Somebody pass me a red balloon...I’m off to the sewer to play with Pennywise...he’s more fun. [5]

WWW.JUNKSISTA.BANDCAMP.COM

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The Birthday Massacre - "Fascination"

31/1/2022

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Cast your mind back, if you will, to March 2020. This may only be a mere two years ago on paper, but Jesus does it feel like forever ago! It was around this time, that the Covid-19 / Coronavirus pandemic went into full gear and the world went into lockdown...a thing that frustratingly, we are STILL dealing with, and to many, it’s felt like someone’s hit the pause button on life.

Hopelessness aside, you may remember that around this time, Canadian dark-pop / synth-wave veterans THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE, had released their latest album “Diamonds”, and were excited to get back on that tour bus. Naturally, this didn’t go to plan, and despite the quality of the album itself, it almost felt like it couldn’t be properly celebrated, as many fans were now unable to enjoy these songs at live shows across North America and here in the UK.

Fast forward to 2022 now, and having survived through ever changing and ever varying degrees of pandemic protocol, government teeter-tottering on their own frankly hypocritical regulations (I swear, it was NOT a party, it was an unexpectedly accidental, and somewhat coincidental gathering, of people who, just happened to be, very close friends and colleagues, who also, for some reason, all had alcoholic beverages and caviar Vol-Au-Vents), we find The Birthday Massacre back with another brand-new album; “Fascination”. Has the past two years of uncertainty and frustration fuelled this record creatively? Let’s find out...

We open up with the title track, and the longest track of the album here, provides a certain sense of, dramatic grandiosity...in a good way. The almost angelic choir-esque vocal harmonies beautifully compliment the delicate, icy synths in the opening notes, and coupled with the deeper, yet sparse bass level electronic pulses, it’s musically a perfect combination. Add Chibi’s effortlessly innocent vocals to the mix, and you are instantly drawn into the album in an almost hypnotic manner.

Following on directly from this we have the albums lead single “Dreams Of You” and we get some classic TBM. It’s simple, effective, electronic pop-rock and they continue to do it masterfully. It’s up-beat, bubbly and jovial and the band clearly still love what they do; it shines through tracks such as this one and it reminds us all just how polished and efficient the purple-clad Canadians are at churning out songs sweeter and stickier than maple syrup, and there’s plenty more where this came from...

The track “Precious Hearts” channels a certain old-school TBM vibe that harnesses synths akin to their “Video Kid” era while utilising their ability to unleash more intense, crunching guitar parts. The riffs here aren’t technically challenging or even unique but they use the heaviness well and it just fits perfectly. The minimal solo part in ways can be likened to fellow electronic rock veterans ORGY, and this whole thing is top-drawer. However, it isn’t even the best track on the record. “Like Fear, Like Love” is quite simply, incredible. I’ve talked on how TBM make it look so easy to churn out absolute belters like this, and this is a prime example. The catchy hooks, 80’s inspired darkened synth-wave, the soft, yet bold, emotive vocals; this is textbook and prove why they are among, if not THE best at what they do. It’s impossible to not find yourself moving in some way shape or form to this track...even if you’re a corpse.

Appropriately then we eventually close on “The End Of All Stories” and it’s effective as a slower, more lulling piece of electronic dreamscape. To which may I add, the band are equally effective in delivering. As sombre and frankly emotional as this track feels aesthetically, it still manages to round things up on a high note somewhat oxymoronically. While it’s fun to go out with a bang, to set the mood, and atmosphere with a perfect ballad is equally as effective, and here it gives the album a wonderful sense of closure.

Whether or not this would have been the same album The Birthday Massacre gave us if we didn’t have a pandemic, creatively, we will never know, but we have to respect the fact that, bands and touring artists all around the world, have been affected these last two years. Despite losing out on highly important touring income; through ticket sales and merchandise, they’ve doubled down and produced yet another slab of gothic-tinged melodic electro-pop beauty, and it deserves your attention. Regardless of your actual date of birth, “Fascination” comes out via METROPOLIS RECORDS on February 18th, so treat yourself to a second birthday, buy this album and show Chibi and co some love. [8]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/THEBIRTHDAYMASSACRE

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RuPaul - "Mamaru"

23/1/2022

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“Transvestites get...lumped into that weirdo grouping. There was a guy in the Bronx when I was in New York...he was living in a cave, like you do, and was coming out, shooting geese, a lot of weird things going on with him, and police found he had a collection of women's shoes. They said ‘He’s a transvestite’...but he’s a WEIRDO transvestite. I’m much more of an EXECUTIVE transvestite...” - EDDIE IZZARD, live from AL-CA-TRAAAAAAAZZZZ during “Dressed To Kill”, 1999.

Going back well over twenty years, Eddie Izzard, as a highly regarded stand-up comedian, was at the forefront of pushing boundaries, with his eccentric and often provocative cross-dressing persona, but even so, back then, he was able to use that to laugh at both himself and the topic itself, as it was still a subject or, an idea reduced to cheap laughs, or frowned upon by certain non-liberals.

Nowadays, in 2022, while the world still has its detractors, the idea of simply cross-dressing, is far, far more commonplace and accepted in a far more woke generation. While some people argue certain agendas, push their own sense of toxic masculinity, misunderstanding, prejudice and display close-minded tendencies, LGTBQ+ culture is flourishing, wherever you find yourself along the rainbow. If anything reinforces this, it’s the booming popularity of RUPAUL.

The drag race phenomenon has grown, and grown, and grown Stateside, in that same time-frame. Bigger, brighter, bolder on mainstream streaming networks, and culturally in society...but what I DIDN’T know...was that RuPaul released music. The question is, am I afraid to absolutely slate this music, purely FOR the music that it is, knowing that certain people are going think that I’m criticizing the community, NOT the music? Am I fuck...this is “Mamaru”...pass the Jack Daniels...

The album opens up with “Just What They Want”, and when I say this is arguably as good as this gets, don’t take that as a positive. This is in fact not what I want at all. I know RuPaul is a coloured 61-year-old gentleman, but I have to make that white-rapper analogy. EMINEM joked about white boys thinking they could rap, following his popularity (He earned that through legitimate eloquent skill may I add), but most of us sound clueless, off-beat, and cringeworthy with our rhymes and flows...this sound’s nearly as bad as your local council estate rap wannabe. Cool fam’ you wear Nike Air’s off of the back of a lorry and your mum shops at a food bank? Sit down you clown. Get the idea? There are subtle BRITNEY SPEARS nods to “Work Bitch” but this is SO early 90’s it’s unreal...the general dance-inspired R’n’B beats give this sleazy strip club vibes, or at BEST Kooler’s nights in Merthyr Tydfil. Wipe your feet on the way out like...

We’ve got a collab then courtesy of SKELTAL KI on the track “Catwalk” and this is frankly less offensive to your sense of hearing. The whole thing has been slowed down in tone and tempo, allowing for a more sultry, semi-soulful piece of slow-jam R’n’B, while the autotune-rich rich vocals accompany the synth-heavy instrumentation, and it’s far, far smoother in production. There is a reprise of this track further down the playlist but, like an actual cat, my interest is long-gone by this point, got more important things to do like, nap, and judge everything around me.

Speaking of judging things, we have the track “Smile”...and oh god...this is more grimace than anything else. Ironically the message here is one incredibly positive one, “Fix your face, fix your life you can start with a smile”...small steps to a more, happier, wholesome existence...clearly, they haven’t heard this song. The electronic pop is intertwined with hip-hop beats and the autotune by this point is sickly...it’s like, fucking SEGA produced the track truth be told...Chronic the Hedgehog if you will. This then, is something the album wrestles with over Its 10-track run time.

The whole thing from a production standpoint, is boisterous, loud and brash. While there are genres that CAN get away with it, such as say, aggressive punk, for example, where it’s meant to be challenging, make you think, make you question...this is just an absolute clusterfuck. The layering and instrumentation is headache-inducing, and over the course of its half an hour run-time, despite whatever positive messages or, inspirational content Ru is channelling through this creative outlet, however much of an icon he is to a demographic, or target audience, musically, on make-up smothered face-value, this is messier than a bin-full of post catwalk wet-wipes. Forget drag Queen...this album was dragged through a hedge backwards. [2]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/RUPAUL

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Kat Von D - "Love Made Me Do It"

26/12/2021

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I’d like to, if I may, to take a short minute, to talk about KAT VON D. Now, a lot of you are probably going to be aware, that she is primarily famous for her position on the acclaimed reality show "LA Ink", where she cemented herself as a world-renowned tattoo artist and colourful personality (Despite her ironic preference for black & white portrait ink). This position led her into a world of glitz and glamour with her celebrity clientele, and over the number of seasons she co-starred in the show, her name grew and grew.

With her high-profile connections and her name in the spotlight, over the years she expanded her business and brand portfolio from not only tattoo and body art, but into a prolific make-up career, where she championed vegan make-up, being a devout animal lover (No animal testing for those confused, no bunnies in slutty lipstick), to yes...even singing.

Now...don’t get me wrong; just because you are admittedly very talented at one thing, and have been able to grow a successful following with another, doesn’t mean EVERYTHING is going to work. Hypothetically at least. To make this point, her appearance on “Rosary Blue” by THE 69 EYES wasn’t exactly spectacular back in 2012, but is it fair to judge a person's singing career on one niche bonus track? 2021 saw Kat release her debut solo album, by the name of “Love Made Me Do It” …let’s see what it took her nine years to get up to....

The album opens up with “Intro”; the most original of opening tracks, and, it’s your typical purely instrumental introduction that’s designed to create a sense of suspense and intrigue. Though, to be fair, the deep, chilling synths here give off a very “Stranger Things” vibe. I swear that TV show’s intro was so good it’s become a standard bearer to this exact sort of synth driven instrumentation. First track proper then; “Vanish” follows in the same vein as the aforementioned 69 Eyes collaboration. It’s a hushed, delicate piano piece with Kat’s vocals sounding husky, raspy and vulnerable, as she sings about her fears towards being able to love. It’s quite a solemn, self-depreciating track and really quite deep in its self-reflection to be fair, and an emotionally powerful start.

Lyrically, Kat can remain subtly negative in certain aspects but credit to her, despite this, she’s released a selection of absolute bops, and we’ll start with “Exorcism”. The percussion rich retro synths give this a wonderfully new-wave throwback, and the chorus is on another level. The almost spoken-word delivery of the track's vocals allows for the harmonious notes to shine through, and for all intents and purposes this is a brilliant pop song.

This is continued with “Lost At Sea” which instrumentally channels the same energy electronically as say, WILLIAM CONTROL, and the throwback vibes are strong here. The chorus feels like an eruption of frustrations as Kat sings the tracks title, amidst a barrage of more intense guitar and drum work and the whole piece just feels like, more of the frenetic advocation of her own mental state and wellbeing. The string work adds taste and maturity to the overall message and it’s like a real sense of reflection, sung with honesty and it’s applaudable.

Album highlight then “Pretending” is simply superb...the 80’s-rich electronic pop harks back to the likes of ULTRAVOX and A FLOCK OF SEAGULLS and yet again, the chorus here is one of the catchiest things you will hear this year. This is modern new wave pop at its very best and once again the simplicity of a catchy-ass chorus, along with the nostalgic vibes of early new romanticism allow this to be a legit tune; this is a flawless, faultless pop track and all of the applause needs to go to Kat for delivering this. There are other efforts such as “Enough” which channel the likes of THE CURE, and even "Protected" featuring PETER MURPHY of BAUHAUS no less, but to be fair, we’ve peaked.

While not being a complete sweep, with the likes of “Interlude” being ultimately pointless, and “I Am Nothing” returning to that solemn, hushed slow-jam effort, it’s not an entirely fun-filled record. Obviously, the tracks that stand out do so on their own merit, and each to their own, but to lose the intro and interlude cliches would save some time, and it’s only a shame that Kat indulged in more of the slower offerings, knowing what she is capable of as a pop star it turns out.

Don’t get me wrong, the album as a whole, is impressive and wasn’t what I was expecting following the 69 Eyes collaboration, but I’m glad it’s gone this way. Few modern pop artists correctly mix modern production with the aesthetic of their own 80’s influences and too often it becomes cliché, but with Kat not being a renowned musician, the expectation was non-existent, and her tracks have sounded fresh as a result. It’s not a perfect album start to finish, but it’s a brilliant nostalgia trip, and a great gateway for some of y’all younglings to take an interest in some classic 80’s electronic pop. Love apparently made her do it, I just hope she does it again...[7]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/KATVOND

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Electric Six - "Streets Of Gold"

23/11/2021

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Most bands, however successful, are just as partial to a cheeky cover track, as you and the lads are partial to a cheeky Nando’s. Mind you, like Nando’s own scale of spicy sauces, some covers might hit the spot, some will make you want to shit ON the spot. Just recently I applauded DAVE GAHAN’s hauntingly beautiful cover of METALLICA’s “Nothing Else Matters”...I will never NOT be in love with HIM’s cover of “Wicked Game”...and JOHNNY CASH’s “Hurt” is simply tear-jerking...in a good way.

On the flip side then, you have, say... MARILYN MANSON, who’s covers mostly sound like the rejected pile, from the already rejected pile, from BTEC talent show auditions from Wheretheactualfuckistan, that weren’t even so bad they were amusing. Sweet dreams are in fact made, when you are NOT butchering the EURYTHMICS thank you Mazza.

This then brings us to ELECTRIC SIX. The Detroit alt./experimental rockers, while renowned for their 2003 hits “Gay Bar” and “Danger! High Voltage”, are recording and touring machines. Dick Valentine and co almost never stop, especially Dick...Dick just keeps on going...*Cough* excuse me. Honestly though, they’re in double digits with their albums and almost live on the road.

While they throw a cover of THE OSMONDS hit “Crazy Horses” into the mix occasionally, their only real cover of any notoriety came when they released QUEEN’s classic “Radio Gaga”, which stirred up some mild controversy...other than that, they’re as original as they come. So, it’s surprising then, that 2021 finds the dance commanders releasing “Streets Of Gold” via Cleopatra Records...an entire album’s worth of covers! The trouble is with Electric Six...what the hell can we expect? Let’s find out...

The album opens up with a version of “Don’t Change”, which was originally a 1982 hit for Australian rockers INXS...and musically it’s kept somewhat loyal to the original. It’s got the synth driven opening and characteristics, and remains upbeat; it’s a fun little track 40 years on, though Dick’s own vocal twang gives the track a slightly different feel. It’s the kind of track you can easily see the band having fun with live, and it’s a fairly decent start. Next up, we have a cut from one ROKY ERIKSON...and last time we crossed paths with him, it was courtesy of GHOST covering “If You Have Ghosts”, which was in fact superb. Here, we have a take on his 1981 effort “Click Your Fingers Applauding The Play”, and the rough-edged psychedelic-tinged, classic rock frankly suits Electric Six perfectly. The soft gallop of the guitar and especially the lyrical structure benefit Dick’s own style, and a cover such as this simply makes sense. Even if the high notes are questionable...like, Barry Gibb stepping on Lego...

For a band as eccentric as Electric Six, it's easy to assume there must be some properly deranged, obscure cuts here making up this compilation of covers, but to be fair they’ve included some big names. ALICE COOPER gets a nod with a cover of “No More Mr. Nice Guy” and again, tonally, it’s fairly true to the original instrumentally. It retains a classic, semi-glam rock aesthetic and the simplicity of the track enables the band to just, have fun performing a track they enjoy. We get a track from KISS; “Strutter”...and I just want it to be known, they are the ultimate catfish band. You look at Kiss, and expect something like, VENOM...something hellish and visceral, but then you remember only Gene Simmons looks demonic, the others just look like a bunch of face painted spandex-clad twats. I digress, this version is better. Enough said.

Some questions DO have to be asked though...as we get Dick Valentine wrapping his vocals around “Little Lies” by FLEETWOOD MAC, which is arguably one of the sweetest songs ever written. There are soft vocal harmonies with delicate synths layered throughout, giving an almost childlike innocence, that are balanced by some adequate guitar surges through the chorus, but Dick hasn’t got the voice to REALLY pull this off. Sure, it’s fun, and you can’t not enjoy this song, but sadly this isn’t a patch on the original. Our lead single then...”Yah Mo B There”...by JAMES INGRAM sounds like, the most, recherché of all possible options given the aforementioned, but it works! The classic, synth driven, funk-led R’n’B leans heavily towards Electric Six’s general output. A tad annoying, don’t get me wrong, but it works.

Overall, this collection of tracks is equally interesting as it is enjoyable. There are certain tracks that the band have adapted well, and some that don’t quite sit right with their established sound, but it makes for an adventure as much as it does a listen. It gives you more of an idea of where Electric Six formed; as the funky, jazz-fuelled, glam rock is a style they’ve been fine tuning and owning since those days of “Fire” etc. More of a bonus treat for the long-term die-hards than anything else; it’s got its moments but there are several more important records to start with if you are new to Electric Six. Either way, the band continue life on the road in the UK this December, and, yeah...yah mo B there...[5]

WWW.ELECTRICSIX.COM

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Limp Bizkit - "Still Sucks"

7/11/2021

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We need to address the elephant in the room...and ironically that just so happens to be “Stampede Of The Disco Elephants”. This was, for the longest time, reportedly the working title for LIMP BIZKIT’s follow up to 2011’s “Gold Cobra”, but over the course of the past decade, suggesting that it’s been in production purgatory would be a massive understatement.

The nu-metal veterans left their long-time label Interscope around this time, to eventually join Cash Money Records; and the initial stand-alone single “Ready To Go” with LIL WAYNE was hugely encouraging, but despite a few sparse, random releases, the band seemingly lost all sense of direction and momentum and for all intents and purposes, they disappeared.

Now we find ourselves in 2021, and oh how the times have changed. While they were once world beaters, chart topping titans of the alternative music scene...they became a joke in the eyes of the metal community. A musical meme if you will, and at best they turned into a guilty pleasure. Lost in the youthful, angst-ridden memories of days gone by, we thought we’d seen the last of the Bizkit. Oh, how we were wrong. On October 31st, Halloween of all occasions, they dropped the long-awaited album, under the new title of “Still Sucks”. With the time of year, we have to ask ourselves, will this be a trick, or a treat, and more importantly, did they ever truly suck to begin with? Let’s find out...

The album opens up with “Out Of Style” and a surprisingly philosophical intro, as Fred Durst’s first words are “We cannot change the past, but we CAN start today, to make a better tomorrow”, which sounds like he’s ready to sweep everything under the carpet. Wes Borland’s guitars here sound really dirty and disjointed, and it’s clear the suggestion of the track here is, all this time later, the band still sound unlike any other band on the planet; they're never IN style.

Their unique approach to rock, metal and rap creatively was what sold them millions of records in the first place, and with nobody else doing it as well as Bizkit, then OR since, they were as out of style when they exploded then, as they are now all these years later, and they stand out all the more for it. It may double as a dig at the nu-metal genre as a whole, and the lack of respect it generally gets from the average metal fan, with pleading lines like “We should be on the same team, on the motherfucking same team, if we aint’ then we nothing”, it highlights the toxicity in the metal community.

We have to talk about “Dad Vibes” ...this was the track that got everyone talking about Limp Bizkit again recently, as the band dropped it during a live show out of the blue, giving people the first hint at new music for a long time. Technically the albums lead single if you will, it’s underwhelming with its basic hip-hop aesthetic, with cymbal-rich percussion and only light guitar aspects, and to be honest more attention was paid to Fred Dursts appearance. Yes, it's all tongue in cheek as, now in his 50’s, Durst dressed up as uncool as possible to rap on stage, embracing how supposedly silly or cringeworthy people may think Bizkit are today, with the track acting like one giant metaphorical middle finger.

These vibes as such are a general theme for this record as a whole, which at this point revels in its sense of self-depreciating irony. “Barnacle” is an incredibly catchy piece of grunge-heavy hard rock potentially aimed at bandwagon jumpers and those who hate on the band purely because it’s cool, you’re all barnacles, clinging on to whatever might be relevant. “Don’t Change” then harks back to their cover of “Behind Blue Eyes” with another wonderfully soft acoustic piece. The style really works for them as this proves yet again, and the mellow, gentler sound here is genuinely lovely. “Love The Hate” directly targets the naysayers with an incredibly self-aware cringe-riddled piece of back-and-forth rap. The whole track is cosplaying as the same fans who hate on the band, and with more than a mountain of irony they put themselves down while reminding you how little they care for your opinion. Absolute zero fucks given, the true Limp Bizkit way.

In summation, that’s probably the best way to approach this album. Yes, it’s been a long time, and yes, we all know that Limp Bizkit can drop some absolute bangers, but if that’s what you’re going into this album looking for, then you’re going to be disappointed. I truly believe, the level of self-awareness that pebbledashes this album from start to finish is beyond intentional...as much as people slate the band, as irrelevant as people suggest the band are now, in less than a week the album has racked up millions of listens and streams having had zero promotion due to the fact, nobody fucking knew it was coming out. The interest and excitement was organic, and proved without a doubt, there will always be place in the world for Limp Bizkit. Will they follow this up with a more crafted, polished, serious album? Who knows, but let’s get one thing straight...Limp Bizkit have never sucked, and that is the unquestionable truth...which...wait that actually sucked. Damnit. [5]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/LIMPBIZKIT

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Måneskin - "Teatro D'ira - Vol. 1"

30/10/2021

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It’s been a long time since I talked about Eurovision...granted this year the UK’s presence AND result, shared the same number of points as having a lifeguard at the Olympics for the swimming events. Zero. Talk about inadequate! (Ok, health and safety aside you get the point...unlike the UK) I digress. While I can laugh at the dumpster fire that is my own country right now, where there are losers, there are of course, winners, and if you recall, this year's honours went to Italy and their unexpected rock entrants MÅNESKIN.

Formed in Rome in 2016, comprising of vocalist Damiano David, bassist Victoria De Angelis, guitarist Thomas Raggi and drummer Ethan Torchio, they rose to national prominence via Italy’s own version of The X Factor where they finished runners up in 2017, but they’ve grown in stature ever since. As rising stars in Italy, they not only won over Europe with their Eurovision track “Zitti E Buoni”, but they’ve also just landed their first slot on American tv, performing on “The Tonight Show” no less. Impressive stuff! Let’s catch up with the four-piece as we check out their 2021 mini-album “Teatro D’ira - Vol. 1”

The album (Which I believe translates as “Theatre Of Wrath – Vol. 1”) kicks off with that Eurovision winner “Zitti E Buoni” which in turn translates to “Shut Up And Behave”, or there about. It’s easy to see why this did well in the Netherlands this year; the band have a real sense of swagger, combined with a classic rock flare and presentation wise are bonded with an almost sexual chemistry. It’s an up-tempo rocking piece with fast paced vocal delivery in their native Italian and it’s simply a fun track, regardless of if you understand it.

Elsewhere we have “Lividi Sui Gomiti” which I think means something along the lines of “Bruises On Your Elbows”...and I can’t say that I have any form or context for this. Maybe they were fans of Macho Man Randy Savage, I don’t know. The track itself is another quickly semi-spoken offering in terms of vocal and lyrical delivery. It’s got a wonderfully smooth blues rock vibe within its twangy guitar tones and as it climaxes it exudes a sense of angst and frustration that rounds off the track well. “I Wanna Be Your Slave” then provides one of the select few English language tracks and it’s an interesting one. It’s incredibly rife with its intentional sense of juxtaposition, channelling a sense of internal struggle and identity crisis. With lyrics like “I wanna be a good boy / I wanna be a ganster” and “I wanna be a sinner / I wanna be a preacher” among others screams of an inner turmoil. Given how society is today with a lot more emphasis on transgender issues, rights and equality, this song lyrically, and its accompanying music video especially, can probably help many find or understand themselves. Risqué or down right offensive to some but bold and empowering to many. Support the latter folks.

Elsewhere then we have the likes of “In Nome Del Padre” which I believe means “In The Name Of The Father” and it’s got that bluesy, almost southern rock vibe instrumentally, but the pacing of the Italian lyrics give this a certain frustrated edge, like it’s inspired by RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE in certain aspects. “Coraline” then simply reminds me of the stop-motion animation, and by that I obviously mean this should be another song silly! Forget buttons sewn into my eyes, use them to plug my ears! It’s more of an acoustic led piece. It does transition into some grittier guitar work but it fails to captivate.

Overall, while having captured people's attention on a global scale, with some provocative videos and stage presence, plus a couple of energetic tunes, the band haven’t really unleashed any wrath so to speak, they’re all theatre. Granted to a mainstream audience the language barrier will cause some issues, but they are capable of delivering tunes in English too, which goes in their favour. They utilise classic hard rock aesthetics well and do have their own charm, and I’m sure they’ll be given chance to evolve having dipped their toes in American waters. Just as their name means Moonlight...they need the opportunity to fully glow. [6]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/MANESKINOFFICIAL

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Various Artists - "The Metallica Blacklist"

14/9/2021

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Image Courtesy Of Rolling Stone

Iconic...legendary...these are words quite often thrown around haphazardly nowadays. Like, you're at the bar and your mate goes for a round and comes back with a cheeky packet of pork scratchings, so you call him a legend. No, he’s not a legend, he’s a bell-end he could have grabbed two packs the selfish twat. I digress. When it comes to something like music, or art in general, it takes something special to garner such praise, truly, and today’s review is a real reflection of that. Today we’re going to be talking about METALLICA.

Now, love them or hate them for whatever reasons y’all elitist metal heads have (Personally bar a couple of tracks, I’m not a massive fan of Metallica, or their style of metal in general but that’s just me) you can’t deny the impact they’ve had on heavy music since day one. Their early discography helped lay the foundations for the evolution of metal into thrash and beyond, churning out some of the most important releases of the whole genre...until in 1991, when they released arguably THE most important; “The Black Album”.

Many OG fans felt like it was a bit of a departure from their raw origins, incorporating softer melodies and more clean vocals (James Hetfield has gone on record to say on this album he finally became a singer) and that while still Metallica, and as strong of an album it technically was, they had sold out. Sounds absurd right? “The Black Album”, already following “...And Justice For All” simply cemented them as THE biggest metal band on the planet, and in terms of the history of metal, it’s one of the foremost standard bearers. In 2021...that still holds true.

Thirty years after its release, it’s still talked about and revered for its influence and importance, and to celebrate the albums anniversary, Metallica have decided to cherry pick a plethora of artists from all walks of life, to highlight just how influential the album has been. The artists got to pick a song of their choosing from “The Black Album” and record a cover, for what is now known, as “The Blacklist”. SIXTY-SIX versions of the songs you all know and love...in one compilation. Let’s dive into this, black hole if you will, and highlight some the more, diverse recordings on offer.

Luckily for us, the tracks aren’t all thrown together mish mash like the running order was decided by a washing machine spin-cycle, they are categorised by specific tracks, and to start us off, we have 7 renditions of “Enter Sandman”. Let’s be honest as far as heavy metal anthems go, this is up there in the top tier; a rock club floor filler guaranteed for beer fuelled singalongs...so what do we get here? ALESSIA CARA is first up and the “Scars To Your Beautiful” songstress wraps her husky, soulful pop vocals around the track, accompanied by THE WARNING. As a performer she brings a fresh take on the vocals and this is SLICK; a very strong start here. As the track progresses, we get the heavier instrumental factors and it becomes something say, FLORENCE & THE MACHINE would drop on an EP... actually that sounds fantastic somebody make that happen.

Sticking with “Enter Sandman” we get some interesting variations...we get WEEZER dropping a version that wouldn’t be out of place on their own “The Teal Album” compilation...a pretty straightforward cover, bar a couple of guitar tweaks and a subtle nod to “Buddy Holly”. It’s fine. RINA SAWAYAMA then takes things up a notch with a surging, riff-heavy almost techno-inspired piece of production with bold, assertive vocals, becoming possibly one of the tracks better covers ever. Occultist theatrical rockers GHOST then drop arguably the most creative cover, as they ditch the iconic intro, and delve straight into a piano-led lyrical opening. They have their distinct style, and the holy-tones soon shift into gear as the guitars erupt, and it’s an interesting take on the classic.

Next up we have “Sad But True” and I have to say, the best version here by far comes courtesy of country artist JASON ISBELL & THE 400 UNIT. The country/rockabilly twist with the twangy guitars gives the Alabama-born artist a unique take on the track and it really works. South Korean outfit YB offer a more up-tempo rock recording, which, while fine audibly, highlights the global reach Metallica have.

“Holier Than Thou” takes up the third portion of the album and this kicks off with BIFFY CLYRO and to be fair, they produce quite a quirky, synth-based recording but the novelty sadly wears off as boy does this rendition drag out...you took over five minutes to do a track less than four minutes long. Absolutely no need lads. Spoiled it for yourselves. THE CHATS and OFF! Both drop simultaneous punk-rock covers which, while decent in their own right are put too closely together and it depreciates both their values. COREY TAYLOR then showcases why he is one of the most prominent voices in modern metal as he tears through his own hard rocking rendition; quite raw but with it’s own throw-back, thrash-metal vibe going on.

Back to more ballad-based territory we find ourselves at “The Unforgiven” and CAGE THE ELEPHANT kick us off with an incredibly stripped back, indie/acoustic cover and the hushed, smoky vocals allow for an even more intimate listening experience, which suit the song quite well really. DIET CIG keep the indie aesthetic going but the New York duo bring a brasher recording to the table and it works just as well. Some of the compilations better covers come here however, as we depart far from what you would perceive Metallica to be, courtesy of FLATBUSH ZOMBIES Feat. DJ SCRATCH. We get a proper old-school hip-hop beat laid in front of us with some classic flows layered around the soft melodic vocal chorus from James Hetfield. This works surprisingly well as a mash up to be fair, it’s impressive. This can also be said for HA*ASH, as the Louisiana-based duo deliver a wonderfully relaxed harmonic clean vocal cover with acoustic, Latin-pop aesthetics giving the track some extra flavour.

It’s safe to assume that, the most popular tracks will get the most covers as they are going to get the most attention, and as good as the aforementioned have been, if you think of “The Black Album”...you think of “Nothing Else Matters”. The ballad that sent Metallica into the mainstream stratosphere, here, gets a whopping 13 renditions...it’s essentially an album worth of tracks within itself! There’s a LOT to get through here so we’ll focus on some highlights...and we have to start with the one that got all of the attention...starring MILEY CYRUS with ELTON JOHN on piano. Originally scoffed at for her “Wrecking Ball” era output, she’s come on leaps and bounds as a vocal performer, having worked alongside everyone from DOLLY PARTON to BILLY IDOL, and credit to her here, she wraps her smoky voice around this superbly. It’s big, it’s bold, it’s confident, it’s passionate and it WORKS. Forget jumping on bandwagons and all that gubbins, you need to appreciate Miley here as a performer, this is a respect earner for even the die-hards.

On the other end of the scale then, we get a cover I was myself personally looking forward to, courtesy of DEPECHE MODE vocalist DAVE GAHAN. His sombre rendition is practically haunting as he croons his way through the track, taking it to whole new levels of emotional torment, yet while undeniably sad, its equally undeniably beautiful; I love this. On a side note, it’s rare I highlight instrumentals but, German pianist IGOR LEVIT offers up a sincerely sweet solo piano rendition which could quite easily pass for a lullaby.

The rest of the compilation consists then of, non-single tracks and while not necessarily less-popular, they are lesser known to mainstream audiences...deeper cuts if you will. These, naturally get sparse recognition in comparison, but they aren’t without their talking points. French vocalist IZIA does well with “My Friend Of Misery”, offering a fuzzy, up-beat electronic-tinged rock offering, despite the slightly awkward chorus transition. IMELDA MAY drops by for a quick cover of “The God That Failed” that has quite a deep, bluesy swagger, while TOMI OWO wraps her soft, husky vocals around a delicate version of “Through The Never”. It’s still got guitar presence but it’s got more of an R’n’B flavour.

Naturally...there are over sixty tracks here, you must be thinking, surely there has to be some absolute crap littered throughout the compilation? I have to say, you would be absolutely correct. JUANES idea of “Enter Sandman” is like, he is first trying to learn THAT riff for the first ever time...it is SO jerky and dissected it detracts from the feeling of the song entirely. ROYAL BLOOD’s cover of “Sad But True” is no more than a straight-up cover with little additional character, which results in a pretty boring listen quite frankly. CHASE & STATUS with BACKROAD GEE drop this god-awful mumble-rap, grime-inspired take on “Wherever I May Roam”...I suggest you roam as far away from this as physically possible, and then defy physics and roam further. This is abysmal. Sadly, another disappointment comes courtesy of THE HU. The Mongolian throat-metal traditionalists deliver a cover of “Through The Never” in, I GUESS their native language, with some native instrumentation. It gives the track some interesting character with fresh sounds, but you lose all of the sing-along qualities here. This might be nit-picking but, it’s lacking in it’s own ways.

Overall, over the course of this, playlist essentially, there is a noticeably distinct lack of rock and metal, and really that’s probably by design. The artists that have contributed that have kept to these genres, haven’t really brought anything new to the table and those covers in question have been really quite run of the mill...it’s the diversity of artists that Metallica were looking to showcase and they have undeniably delivered on that front. A lot of these vocalists have injected fresh ideas into thirty-year-old classics by utilising their own inspirations, backgrounds, ideas and flavours, creating a genuinely creative cocktail menu with just twelve original songs to work with. Metallica fans might not appreciate this 100%, most still living in their tight stonewashed jeans, patch-laden battle jackets and downing warm cases of beer...a bit like GNAR KILL fans I guess, (James Hetfield is Hell Boy confirmed) but for anyone curious about the legacy of this album, and have nearly six hours to kill, it’s worth a listen...I guess? [7]

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