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Blind Channel - "Lifestyles Of The Sick & Dangerous"

19/9/2022

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As I’ve stated in the past, Finland feels like, from a musical standpoint at least; an adopted home. So many of my favourite artists have come from the Wintery lake-lands of Suomi, and I love their penchant for blending the sweetest melodies with the sourest melancholy, and I just vibe it. 

This in turn, fuels a certain sense of bias, as when it comes to another love of mine; the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST...I tend to make a B-Line for Finland’s entries instead of supporting the UK, and I’m rarely disappointed. Whether we’re enjoying the over-the-top ridiculousness of LORDI, and their monstrously charismatic stage presence. The up-tempo dance-along qualities of pop-starlet SAARA AALTO, and this year, THE RASMUS hit us with another vibrant dose of light alternative emo courtesy of their new track “Jezebel”. This brings us to today’s artist; BLIND CHANNEL. 

Blind Channel represented Finland at the 2021 ESC and, it’s the first competition I’d missed in years, because I had double booked myself in Manchester for a socially distanced gig. Disgraceful behaviour I know! Their song “Dark Side”, which effortlessly blended anthemic gang vocals, subtle nu-metal throwbacks and hip-hop aesthetics finished an incredibly respectable 6th in the grand final and the lads found themselves a global audience. 2022 finds the Finns capitalising on this with their brand-new album, and having just rounded up a run of UK tour dates, let’s remind ourselves why they live the “Lifestyles Of The Sick & Dangerous” … 

The album opens up with “Opinions”, and just like arse holes, everyone’s got one, I just tend to write mine here, regardless of if you agree! I digress. It initially starts as a sort of cold, icy-synth led trap-beat with their more rap-infused vocal delivery, but they switch between more hip-hop stylistics and more aggressive flows while performing, keeping it fresh.  
The chorus is soft and melodic and overall, as an opener, it would easily appease fans of HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD. Conceptually it’s about living life to your own rhythm, without caring for what anyone else believes, or thinks, march to the beat of your own drum, and that philosophy has done them well to their credit. 

Next up we have the aforementioned ESC track “Dark Side” and, while over a year old now, those nu-metal qualities simply shine. It references the outcasts of life, of society, referencing the album title and things such as the infamous 27-club, hinting at a sense of unpredictability in life; a certain rebelliousness and defiance in the face of the norm and it’s like a rallying cry. Wonderful stuff. 

To be fair, the album contains its fair share of absolute bops despite its mere half an hour run time, so it’s nice to see the lads opting for quality over quantity. The single “Bad Idea” shows the band have a tender side to counter their hip-hop-inspired abrasiveness, with more focus on hushed vocal styles, and a softer, mellower instrumental approach, and it works really well; look at the Blindstreet Boys by here mun! “We Are No Saints” again utilises gang-vocals and light synths, but it becomes this incredibly bold, semi-metalcore banger, with some soaring hooks and some good old-fashioned chuggy riffs.  

“Don’t Fix Me” and closing track “Thank You For The Pain” utilise strong pop-punk aesthetics for a real burst of up-beat energy, especially the former, though while the latter is equally fun, with some quirky lyrical jabs, it’s let down only by its own ending. It might mean something to the lads, but, ending the album on spoken word ramblings, especially in a language you are yet to understand, it sort of takes away from the overall listening experience.  

That end segment is pretty much as bad as it gets truth be told. Sure “National Heroes” as an interlude has its place as it segues into a track, following a narrative, but it doesn’t need to be a track of its own...and “Autopsy” is arguably the weakest track on the record here, for its overall lack of life...which is fitting I suppose. Conceptually however it does fit in very well with the album's themes of integrity and self-respect, self-worth and it can’t really be knocked. 

Ultimately, what we have here, is an energetic, confident and acclaimed group of young rockers from Finland, who won the hearts and ears of millions during a mainstream televised song contest, with a rebellious attitude, a mature sense of defiance in the face of industry big-wigs, and the ability to go and actually do it. With those middle fingers up, they stand proud, and while the music itself might not be original, it’s as full of heart as it is hooks, and that goes a long way. The future is bright for Blind Channel...I just hope they don’t lose sight of what they are capable of. [8]
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/BLINDCHANNELBAND
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Grant Macdonald - "Ram Ranch"

7/8/2022

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Allow me to preface the following review, with an outpouring of regret, grief, more regret, bewilderment and, a little bit more regret, through a literary veil of self-therapy. There was absolutely zero reason, obligating me to conduct the following review, but, at the same time, there was absolutely EVERY reason that I couldn’t NOT do this review. This is the review equivalent of Hogan v Warrior at WrestleMania VI, but with more baby oil...let me set the stage. 

You know by now that, while I am perfectly capable of writing a decent, or at the very least, serious review, whether here or over on ALL ABOUT THE ROCK, I get my kicks out of the more, unusual and questionable releases available to me. I can point my finger at the likes of, KIM PETRAS, or, going back to COREY FELDMAN; I like a challenge, but this is the sort of thing that can break a man. This can Brokeback Mountain the fuck out of a man...this is “Ram Ranch” by GRANT MACDONALD, and I blame young Charlie Bryant for this 1 hour and 7 minutes of audio torture. Even the inmates at Guantanamo Bay would feel sorry for me here, but, fuck it...saddle up, we’re going in (Dry)… 

Firstly, who IS Grant Macdonald? Little is known about this alleged Canadian, other than that he might be Canadian, and his name might be Grant Macdonald...he’s like the BANKSY of homoerotic cowboy rock. The album we’re tackling today originally came out in 2012, so, aside from being a rare case of retrospective reviewing from me, we’ve had a decade to process, and at times, begrudgingly accept “Ram Ranch”. It’s been used as pro-LGBTQ+ content in protests and rallies, and over its existence it became a running meme and an ongoing source of absurdity. To this day Grant has apparently released SIX HUNDRED variants of “Ram Ranch”, which is frankly both impressive and alarming. Dude has a passion, what can I say? With that said, the only way is down, as we process this piece of... art? 

The album opens up with the title track, and, we initially have a dose of rather subdued heavy metal instrumentation, with all of the riffs, licks and kick drums. I say subdued because it’s practically background noise. On a production level, it’s like a demo in terms of audio quality, but the capability is there, that in itself is promising...but it’s the vocal content that draws attention here.  

Allow me to set the tone lyrically; “18 naked cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch, big hard throbbing cocks wanting to be sucked, 18 naked cowboys wanting to be fucked? Cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch on their knees wanting to suck cowboy cocks; Ram Ranch really rocks!”. This is the primary content of the track from start to finish, and it’s the absurdity of this that, at first, makes it mildly amusing and, quite distressing simultaneously. The worst bit? The spoken-word over metal sounds like, CHILLS, arguably THE WORST YouTube narrator in the history of the internet, got a record deal. The repetition and looping of track one IS painful, sure, but we have 11 tracks left. Even my Jack Daniel’s needs a Jack Daniel’s... 
 
Second track “Plowboy” has such a reverberated overlay of vocal samples, it becomes an absolute trippy mess from the moment it starts, with some, moog-esque synths, setting the tone for some almost 70’s porn rock sleaze. It’s the kind of thing to make your eye twitch, which one all depends on you and your tastes, I’m not here to discriminate. 

Next up we have, “Cowboys Fucking Cowboys” and, you remember when KID ROCK was like, “I wanna’ be a Cowboy baby!”? Yeah, we’re going to shatter his dreams right now. The gentle acoustics here could easily, EASILY be used for a more serious, affectionate country ballad, but there’s so much lyrical cowboy fucking here, riding butthole’s deep...it’s like...you know when ROGER ALAN WADE did “If You’re Gonna’ Be Dumb” for JACKASS, but instead of a montage of stunts, it was gay porn...that about sums it up. 
 
“Prince Harry” returns abruptly to that riff-heavy metal musicality, and it’s a wonder how the ever-loving fuck he got away with this one. I don’t know if this would be art, slander, or character assassination, but telling him to ride those big hard ram ranch cowboy cocks, bouncy, bouncy up and down, up and down, drink that cum, ram another cock up your royal bum? I don’t even know where the line is legally with this. I think of Harry now, in 2022, but this was ten years ago, ok Harry was still 28 at the time, but Christ. This is worse than that time he wore that Nazi costume to a party and made the front page. Who would have thought THAT could be topped? 

Next up, I feel personally attacked, as we have “Suck That Cock Gavin”, and, no. Firstly I’m not even joking, that’s that track name! I’m barely here to listen to the album, I’m certainly not signing up for that. I recently reviewed VR SEX and not even they were that immersive, calm the fuck down Grant! Or at least buy me dinner first!? I’ll take the salad, hold the ram ranch dressing please... 

“Big Hard Cowboy Cock” sounds like, generic mid 90’s WCW music, excluding the lyrics, obviously, Ted Turner wouldn’t tolerate that. Imagine like, the Nitro Girls were gay cheerleaders? Disco Inferno and Alex Wright would have much better careers. ” Hard Horsecock” implies that we’re entering the world of bestiality here now, and I don’t even know what I can get away with. We’ve all heard the phrase ‘hung like a horse’, but this is sung like a cunt. “12 Inch Cock” has industrialised metal elements but it’s more like, queer factory than FEAR FACTORY, while “Stable Boy” houses a more urbanised gangsta-rap / hip-hop aesthetic, but it drops more soap than it does bars. 

Ultimately, whoever Grant Macdonald is...he’s committed. Or at least he should be. Credit to him, I can barely think of the words to sum this up. Not since AC/DC has an artist produced so much content with so little substance. Sure, he’s able to mix it up musically, utilising rock and metal, country and Americana, as well as hip-hop, so he’s technically actually better than AC/DC, but lyrically and vocally, I’m assuming it’s something you have to be in-on, or, ‘get’.

Ideal for reaction videos, or making friends and family question you when they hear you play it on Spotify, but, at over an hour long, it’s not a fun album in the slightest, and once the initial shock wears off, and you’ve done the whole “Wtf?” head shake, it very quickly becomes monotonous and boring. Let’s be honest, there’s only so much hard throbbing cowboy cock you can take, y’know? No? Ok then... [0]
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VR Sex - "Rough Dimensions"

17/7/2022

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Let’s talk about abbreviations... basically a shortened form of a word, phrase, or even branding... like, AEW, which is All Elite Wrestling... S&M which is the kind of fun, kinky shit I’m not going to share with you HERE, this aint Only Fans! (I say this winking at you, watching you recoil in confused arousal), and we can’t forget LGBTQ+, which, is just cheating at Scrabble, let’s be honest.  

This segue brings us to VR; virtual reality... and, I’m going to have to set the scene here using DEMOLITION MAN of all things. Do you remember that bit where, Sylvester Stallone and Sandra Bullock partake in that brief bout of, futuristic head-set sexy sex? It was like being off your tits on Viagra and mushrooms with absolutely none of the nutritional value. I don’t know what confused him more, this or the seashells? I digress...this IS fitting however, as today we’ll be taking a look at VR SEX... 

Comprised of Noel Skum, Z. Oro and Mico Frost, who, aside from sounding like the contents of a BTEC Kellog’s variety pack, are an acid-punk / death-rock / ethereally ambient ensemble, who released their newest album this year entitled “Rough Dimensions”. The question is, if Y4dyz =√(60/4) x yz/r² x (1/4𝜋) ½ , what the FUCK is THIS album going to sound like? There’s only one way to find out... 

The album opens up with “Victim Or Vixen” and it starts with this, almost, 1970’s era, grainy synth instrumentation, that you might find in the theme of a children's TV show. That however soon descends into something between KILLING JOKE and JOY DIVISION instrumentally. It’s got a somewhat smooth post-punk aesthetic, with a lack of vocal range, practically spoken word for the most part, yet manages to bridge that with an indie/grunge vibe. It ends on an enjoyably melodic note, ultimately starting things off in an interesting manner with a variety of influences. 

We quickly transition then into album highlight “Glutton For Love”, which utilizes all of the above points while delivering the hooks; the synths here make this song, and it’s got an incredibly up-beat chorus instrumentally. There’s a sense of frustration here vocally at times that harks back to the likes of THE CURE, and it lavishes in its more pop-based production because of it.  
Further notable points include “Live In A Dream”, which starts off reminding me of a BLOODHOUND GANG track (Think “Along Comes Mary”), which is a mixed bag of tricks...however combining bits of bass-rich post-punk with a more indie-rock aesthetic, the verses here reek of the SLEAFORD MODS. It’s got charm to it, and it’s a grower to be fair, but the near-spoken word delivery again can be understandably off-putting. “Walk Of Fame” in turn channels the likes of RADIOHEAD, with its slowly plucked, frankly crestfallen sense of vulnerable accountability, and that itself heaps on about as much praise as I can possibly muster... 

The rest of the album then which, retains that sense of overall melancholic misery, plateaus, into this generally uninspired mediocrity. “Cyber Crimes” as an interlude is absolutely pointless... at just over half a minute of electronic distortion, it sounds like a late 90’s AOL internet Dial-Up connection having a stroke. “End Vision” starts off promisingly with some up-beat, catchy percussion and does maintain an up-tempo rhythm, but is let down by the stagnant vocal delivery. At least for half the track...the last half plods itself over the finish line with the laziest of riffs that, loop so lethargically...it’s like that cut off point where you can hear them running out of ideas. 

VR SEX, I guess, on first listen, are a bit like losing your actual virginity. On paper it’s a wonderous thing; you go into it head-on full of excitement without the foggiest idea what you’re doing, fumble your way through until you finish, a bit sloppily, thinking...oh? “Rough Dimensions” here has its ideas, as do the band in general, but just like Stallone wearing that head-set, you can’t help but wish it was just some, back-to-basics post-punk, or in his case, post-spunk. An average album by an average band with a quirky name...now if you’ll excuse me, taking off MY headset, the curtains have been open this whole time, and, the bacon just pulled up...at least the band can thank me for some decent exposure? No? (Laughing for the last time as a free man) *KNOCK KNOCK* “Open up! It’s The Police!”...fuck... [4] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/VRSEXBAND
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GWAR - "The New Dark Ages"

18/6/2022

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The last time we heard from GWAR, the intergalactic horde of phallic, barbaric and comically grotesque humanoids, were celebrating the 30th anniversary, of their breakthrough record “Scumdogs Of The Universe”. (Check out the All About The Rock website here for that review) ...

Now, on paper, this seemed like a wonderful idea, as their unique brand of punk-infused hard rock, and gory, splatter-house stage theatrics means a GWAR show can’t go wrong, right? Sadly, not so much. We have to factor in a few key things like, not a sole original founding member continues to play for the band, (Iconic front-man Oderus, portrayed by Dave Brockie, being quite dead is quite note-worthy)... couple this with the fact that, they played their anniversary show to nobody, in the middle of a pandemic, in an empty room over the internet. It was underwhelming at best, and really didn’t do them justice. 

Here, in 2022, with their first new original material since 2017’s “Blood Of The Gods”, GWAR are back with “The New Dark Ages” ...a concept album that accompanies a new graphic novel entitled “GWAR In The Duoverse Of Absurdity”, which finds the band sucked off (You read that right) into an alternate universe, to battle their evil twins. Or, something. Knowing them, they’ll take the term graphic novel far too literally! With that said, let’s enter a new dark age as we hit the play button... 

The album starts off worryingly slowly with the title-track, but I guess it’s doing a job here, setting a tone for the album's narrative as a whole. It’s got a low drone underlying some minimal church bells, before slow, ominous guitar notes and it can be said, that it sounds like it could come from some folkish medieval horror movie. It’s plodding for the most part, quite uninspired, aside from a random autotune vocal fill that comes out of the blue, but it's really quite straightforward.  

Somehow, follow-up track “Blood Libel” manages to sound even more basic, almost lazy. There ARE stoner, sludgy elements sprinkled throughout the track, subtly faint djent qualities, but the riffs and overall instrumentation here are so sporadically delivered in terms of its tempo and structure, it’s like it struggles to find its own momentum. Lyrically? We’ve got 3am orgies, cheese pizza and catholic church baby raping rings all in the space of one verse, I mean, OK? Have they been reading this blog? Did I just self-incriminate? I confess...I like cheese pizza...*cough* 

Gwar are meant to be an energetic, arguably psychotic band of reprobates, with punk-infused stylistics and an eye for social satire, so there must be some fun to be had here somewhere? Luckily the singles have been half-decent. “Mother Fucking Liar” takes things up a slight notch with some decent, groove-laden riff-work. Story-wise, “Berserker Mode” tells of vocalist Blothar rediscovering terrifying old powers to a backdrop of up-tempo, old-school thrashy metal, providing one of the albums earlier highlights. 

“Completely Fucked” has got some frenetic vocal delivery surrounding the chorus, as well as some classic guitar wailing, yet manages to sound quite jovial towards its climax, while “Venom Of The Platypus” utilises an unexpected electronic intro, immediately catching your ear. It has to be said though, only a band as utterly bizarre as Gwar, would sing about a platypus...talk about a fitting spirit animal! It’s a mammal, with a beak, a venom gland on its...feet? Oh, and it lays eggs? God was fucking high again smoking them acacia bushes when he made that one, wasn’t he? 

This is even before we come to “Ratcatcher”. Easily the albums most accessible, arguably catchiest track, it’s got soft rock hooks aplenty in the chorus, despite the lyrical content of children trapped in his basement. It’s a bit stop start with the riff work, and there’s plenty of cowbell, but generally speaking it’s a good foot-tapper of a track; enjoyable enough in its simplicity, but not astounding. It’s something that TURBONEGRO fans may appreciate, it gives off that vibe.  

The rest of the album, over its 15-track run time, does drag a little sadly. “Bored To Death” being so late in the album is ironic as, that’s pretty much how I feel by this point in the grand scheme of things...yet more generic metal. Closing track then “Deus Ex Monstrum” is nothing more than a kick in the bollocks quite frankly. At over ten minutes long, it’s an instrumental that takes forever to get to what sounds like computer glitching, like, it’s meant to represent them traversing between these universes, but in actuality, it reeks of pointlessness.  

For the most part, if you like your metal very run of the mill, and will just happily head-bang your day away with a can of warm Red Stripe, you crack on, you probably don’t even care who this review is about do you? Truthfully, maybe reading the graphic novel will help these tracks mean more, and it’s better off as a packaged concept from a creative standpoint, but as a stand-alone album, this is less GWAR, and more Gwhy? The metal genre wasn’t around in the 1300’s but, this album at times feels just as antiquated, ya’ bunch of musical, alien ronyon’s! [4] 
​
WWW.GWAR.NET
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/GWAR
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Sexblood - "Teach Me To Cry"

4/6/2022

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For a nation the size of the UK, let’s be honest, when it comes to the arts and media, quite specifically music, we’ve been over-delivering forever. I could reel off a plethora of bands, musicians, vocalists and performers from up and down these isles but, I’d be here for days, so, we’re going to just focus on one place in particular; Manchester.  

Now, with that being said, even here I’m going to be skipping a ton of names, because let’s be honest, the HAPPY MONDAYS or TAKE THAT wouldn’t quite fit in with what I’m trying to portray here. We want the melancholy; we want the tortured poets that pioneered genres, and inspired countless kids to pick up instruments. Manchester has these in droves, whether it’s past icons like JOY DIVISION or THE SMITHS...or more recent breakout bands like PALE WAVES and IST IST...Manchester bands love their music and lyricism soaked in misery, as that working-class industrialised backdrop allows for a special kind of up-beat negativity in music. It’s a special place Manchester...and there’s no place quite like it...only...there actually is. 

Baring all of that in mind, today what we’re actually going to be doing, is focussing on a city called Mulhouse, in the Alsace region on far-Eastern France, which, funnily enough, is called “The French Manchester”. I guess you could say, Franchester? Look, I don’t want to risk being stabbed with a baguette, OK? An industrial city practically on Germany’s doorstep we’re that far East, it houses today’s band, and arguably my discovery of the year; SEXBLOOD.  

Saying I’ve discovered sex blood isn’t something I’m comfortable with on the internet, and googling them is questionable at best (The FBI guy spying through my webcam must absolutely hate me) but this group of post-punk / Goth revivalists, consisting of guitarist/vocalist (Also studio drummer) Abel De Beauvoir, synth-maestro Sybil Viola and bassist Demon VI, have unleashed their début album in 2022, entitled “Teach Me To Cry”. The question is, will this review make them cry happy tears? Or tears of utter despair? Let’s find out... 

The album opens up with “Silent Hill” and great, from the word go I’ve got to contend with Pyramid Head? Can I at least finish this review before I get violently butchered to death? I digress...the track begins with a sense of, Eastern-inspired guitar tone, before we delve into the more expected, bass-rich, post-punk aesthetic that could easily come right out of the FIELDS OF THE NEPHILIM / SISTERS OF MERCY textbook. They’ve taken great care to sound not only nostalgic but authentic...not that the band AREN’T but, their sound, it’s so accurate.  

This is only hammered home on follow up track and album highlight number one “Black Rain”, and by highlight number one I mean exactly that; we’ve got plenty to enjoy here. The track itself initially opens with some distortion delay but we soon get straight into those up-beat, 80’s vibes, that easily house the likes of the aforementioned Sisters, but, KILLING JOKE and THE CURE too. From Abel’s deeper vocal drawl, the dance-along vibes of the instrumentation, the combination of jovial keys and light guitar tones with darker, deeper lyrics and a sense of foreboding; this is incredible.  

The only thing stopping this being the albums top track is the outro, with its sort of, B-Movie drama segment, rounding things off. It’s unnecessary, to the point it actively spoils the track. You might think, ok, maybe in the music video it makes sense with the narrative, but no, even that’s black screen and nothingness. They tried something and it didn’t work, but let’s not let that take away from this album as a whole. 

The album’s highlight for sure, has to go to “Sleeping Angel”...which, quite simply gets everything right. The clap-along percussion, the sensual, rhythmic movement of the track as it flows, the positivity in the keys as they pierce the track like the brightest moon on the darkest night, almost guiding the despair, it’s genuinely beautiful and this could easily be at home on any Sisters’ record it’s that good. Tracks like “Soultrap” and “Holodomor” maintain these elements as they balance the depth of Abel’s vocal huskiness in places, with a polished instrumental counter. “Bad Priest” as a closing track is a real up-tempo number, based in mistrust and being let down by those you look up to, but it couldn’t sound any more encouraging and dance-happy if it could. Detrimental to the core message perhaps? Possibly...but it’s catchy as shit. 

​If there’s anything negative to take from this record it’s “Bloodshift”...and that’s purely because, as an instrumental piece, an interlude if you will, it comes out of the blue and somewhat spoils the flow of the album. If anywhere I’d have used it as an intro segue into the album but even then, it’s a nothing-track...  

Ultimately, today we have learned that France has its own Manchester, that faux Manchester has its own post-punk scene and SEXBLOOD are easily at the forefront. To some it may sound dated, but that’s why it’s so damn good! You don’t get many bands peddling these wares nowadays and SEXBLOOD do it effortlessly. This is a nostalgia trip for Gothic genre lovers, and “Teach Me To Cry” brought happy tears to MY eyes...and I’m grateful for losing my SEXBLOOD virginity. Oh wait....Ohhhhh OK I get it. You gone done popped my cherry you French fucks... [9] 
GET "TEACH ME TO CRY" ON BANDCAMP HERE
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/SEXBLOOD
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Junksista - "Oxytocin High" EP

24/5/2022

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If you cast your mind back to February, you may remember I reviewed an EP by the name of “Fuck Your Pretty Face”, by German, alternative techno-pop duo JUNKSISTA. For the record I didn’t, nor haven’t; I can’t reach, but, that’s beside the point. Anyway, as stated in the review, there is history between both parties, as the rapport has always been tongue-in-cheek but, respectful. Whether vocalist Diana sends me new material with a sly smile; seeing if I’ll bite and accept the challenge, or, whether it’s me laughing at a ridiculous lyric or song title; it’s wholesome ribbing.  

While the EP in question had some meaning, within its own narrative at least, primarily the title track, plus a decent surprise courtesy of a random KISS cover, the EP lacked in the overall absurdity that I had familiarised myself with. This brings us to the here and now, and, merely three months later, the duo have returned with yet another brand-new EP entitled “Oxytocin High”. If previous releases are anything to go by, I could do with some drugs to get through this! With that being said, let’s dust off the old walk-man, pop in that cassette tape and hope we remember how to fucking work the damn thing... 

We kick things off with the title track, and it’s time to do a little googling; what actually IS oxytocin? Are we about to get off our tits on some, brain-melting, kaleidoscopic hallucinogens? I should be so lucky. It’s actually a hormone produced in the hypothalamus, and known as the “love hormone”, it helps facilitate childbirth and aftercare. It plays a vital role in emotional bonding and, feeling a connection between people...allegedly. I think my brain is out of stock in that department. I digress, the track gets underway with some pulsing electronic notes, and some hushed, autotuned vocals, as Diana asks “Why can’t you be fucking happy?” ...and it’s a good question.  

It’s a song about contentment; the idea of chasing a love, or, a bond you may never find; not satisfied, the grass being forever greener on every other side, and needing to realise the quick thrill of that, one moment of passion, lust and wanting, isn’t going to make you happy in the long run. You’ll forever be chasing your next fix, romantically and emotionally, eventually failing to feel satisfaction, and it wonderfully uses our desire for love, comfort, and togetherness as a flaw. It’s a deep song, but it’s balanced by an incredibly light, bubbly, retro synth-pop aesthetic that’s been plucked straight out of the 80’s with a modern dance vibe, and it works. 

We follow this up with EP highlight “Aerobic” and while it tonally could easily match ERIC PRYDZ for dirty dance anthem sensuality, I went into this thinking exclusively of Douglas Reynholm conducting secretive sexy dance classes. All of the short-shorts and hip-thrusting going on with this one, getting a proper sweat on by here! The track itself is a lively, pulsing piece of electronica, with up-beat pop vibes aplenty and some clap-along percussion; it’s the kind of track you’d imagine the lad's sniffing ketamine to in Kooler’s in Merthyr Tydfil. I like this. 

Next up, we get “Whore On The Floor” and... it’s a little disappointing. On face value, you’d think KIM PETRAS has highjacked the track to continue her slut-pop revolution; dancing her knickers off, bleating her way around the club like the very throat goat she claims she is, but really, it’s a slow, anti-climactic track. The whore might be on the floor, but, she’s out for the count, and you just want to call her a taxi home. Poor girl’s been on her knees all day give her a rest! Other than some minimalist catchy synths, this is incredibly tame by comparison to the aforementioned and I hereby challenge Diana to lyrically out-slut Kim Petras. Maybe even a collaboration? Who knows? Fuck, that’s who...fuck knows.  

Last time around we highlighted their KISS cover; "I Was Made For Loving You", which genuinely suited them aesthetically, but here we have another cover to potentially appeal to a wider audience, and it comes in the form of SALT-N-PEPPA classic “Push It”. While it retains a lot of the tracks original 80’s quirkiness, it does come across as more of a medley or, a mash up, with original lyrics and snippets of THE KINKS thrown in for good measure, and to be perfectly honest, it’s better. It’s more of a substantial version, with less filler and it’s not like it’s been musically drawn-out needlessly. Credit where it’s due, they’ve got a knack for picking covers than work for them. The final track then is just a remix of the title track and it’s your typical, generic dance-inspired remix; nothing spectacular whatsoever and nothing worth mulling over. 

Overall, it appears that, while there are still subtle nods to some of that aforementioned absurdity, Junksista are slowly but surely taking their ass off the whoopee cushion. Believe me when I say this; the band are maturing, but I don’t mean it in a patronising way, there is a genuine, evolution in the duo’s lyricism, and while they still have their little digs here and there, they aren’t over the top. Going forward, they are even more so now, situated to be at the forefront of a fresh generation of alternative synth-wave, and could easily keep the genre alive and kicking.  

Previous efforts may not have contributed to the release of much oxytocin, I’ll level with you, but steadily, you can be a junkie for Junksista and not feel ashamed. Controlled doses, I guess? Perfect? No. Diana’s vocal delivery, with her spoken word, hushed tones, ARE niche, but they are delivering catchy tracks that will get them increasingly picked up at alt. Club nights across Europe, and I do believe there are bigger and better things to come. In the meantime, the club is now closed, and there is still a whore on the floor...I have hoovering to do...is she dead? [6]
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/JUNKSISTA
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Jackass: A Music Retrospective

24/4/2022

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Hello I’m Gavin Griffiths, and welcome to my blog...certain generations, have their own favoured and, primarily heartfelt, nostalgic pieces of pop-culture that, they fondly look back on, with a happy tear in their eye, and the very fondest of memories. Sure, I was born in 89’ (Age reveal right there) and remember plenty of things like the Power Rangers taking over the world, the original Pokémon taking over the world, the SPICE GIRLS phenomenon taking over the world, Pinky & The Brain WANTING to take over the world, but nothing gripped me more as a young teen and, quite truthfully, prospectless delinquent, than JACKASS. 

When it first hit screens in 2000 on MTV, I was HOOKED. Sure, it was ridiculous watching Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Steve-O et al putting themselves through what they did, and let's be quite honest here, a LOT of us did the same, ignoring those “professional warnings” (I’m not joking when I say that, I should be dead right now, not writing this), but it was that on-screen friendship, that level of banter and comradery, that had us all cringing, crying, and laughing our asses off, often simultaneously.  

While the stunts themselves are memorable, and oh boy there are so many to pick from, we often forget, or, overlook the soundtracks; the songs that remind us of that one particular time we laughed, while someone nearly died. Now in 2022, as the guys (Along with some fresh cast members) have released the franchises fourth movie instalment; “Jackass Forever”, which is out on Blu-Ray now, and with “Jackass 4.5” hitting Netflix next month, let’s look at the music that enhances the stupidity, and take a deep dive into some of the most memorable musical moments in Jackass history. 
Now, for the sake of this piece not being biblical in length, we’ll be focusing on the movies, but if there’s one song you HAVE to include, it’s “Corona” by MINUTEMEN. Sure, it may have been released back in 1984, with its own intended purposes, and meanings to the early punk-rockers, but when you hear those opening chords, you just picture that skull and crutches logo hitting the black screen, and you just KNOW you are in for a good time. The up-beat, jovial tones of the song enhance the light-hearted tomfoolery of the prank-loving cast, and as a bouncy piece of music, with it’s almost oompah-esque level of frivolity, it’s perfect for the laugh-along nature of the show. It resurrected an entire band and became an anthem for modern day idiots in one swoop. You simply HAVE to smile, when you hear this song come on, it’s an unwritten law. 

​Before we get into some specifics there are some famous stand-out, and reoccurring tracks that we have to applaud, and the first of those, has to be the “Party Boy” theme. It’s no more, than a simple piece of retro, synth-driven funky dance music, but as SOON as you hear those bass-driven keys pulse through your speakers, you just KNOW, that someone, from somewhere, is going to strip down to a shiny silver thong, and dance crotch-first into your face. Again, the very thought of Chris Pontius getting to do his favourite thing in the world; strip, to dance semi-naked for some unsuspecting victim, will never not be hilarious. I don’t care if you’re a Japanese fortune teller or Sami Zayn at WWE’s WrestleMania...you aren’t safe from Party Boy! 
We can’t NOT mention, ROGER ALAN WADE. Johnny Knoxville’s cousin and blues country icon, he probably IS mostly famous for his contribution to Jackass in wider circles, but his penchant for his heart-on-his-sleeve lyricism, was fine-tuned to perfection on this mellow masterpiece; “If You’re Gonna Be Dumb You Gotta Be Tough”. It carries with it the same light-hearted tone as the title theme, but lyrically it just fits PERFECTLY. It makes light of the absurdity and insanity, and while a relaxed acoustic piece, it only enhances the fun. It’s one of those songs that, like with the intro, simply brings a happy tear to your eye as you know EXACTLY where this comes from, what it represents. Country music is rarely considered anthemic, but in its own right this is the anthem of idiots worldwide. 

​So much so in fact, it’s become sort of, a secondary Jackass anthem, having appeared in all of the movies in some capacity. In "Jackass Number Two", we had a version by SMUT PEDDLERS, which brought a far more intense, raw, punk-rock tone to the track, which was fitting with the film. While the song went up a level, so did the cast, and so did the stunts, and it was just next level brilliance in its own right. Everyone enjoys a good number two. “Jackass 3D” saw YEAH YEAH YEAHS front-woman KAREN-O wrap her vocals around another fresh cover, which, DID return to a more country/acoustic, almost banjo vibe, as we’d come full circle, and this was almost closure for the team. There was a poignancy to the track, as it was here, that we’d thought we’d seen the last of the Jackass crew on the big screen, or any screen, and it was sweet. This is something that ties us into the next three tracks...bear with me while I get a bit weepy. 
 In terms of closure, few tracks hit home more emotionally than “Memories” by WEEZER, from “Jackass 3D”. Those closing credits ten years ago, with the old-school footage, the apropos lyrical reflection on the cast and crews' memories...despite being a genuinely fun song, it was a beautifully sad song at the very same time. We grew up with the crew, their antics, and it felt like closure, and memories were all we would have of this brilliantly insane decade. Sadly, memories would become TOO meaningful, as Ryan Dunn, one of the most beloved cast members, tragically passed away in a car accident not too long after the third film came out. While the song “Memories” brought happy tears to our eyes, Roger Alan Wade returned to really turn on the water works, with his song “The Light Outlives The Star”, and while not part of the Jackass movie continuity, from a soundtrack point of view, it HAS to be included. RIP Ryan, we miss you and we love you, you Random Hero you. 

This brings us back to “Jackass Forever”, and ten years in the making, they made sure we felt all of the feels. JOHNNY CASH played us into the trailer with “We’ll Meet Again” and we couldn’t WAIT for the latest instalment...the quaint qualities of the track brought back all of the nostalgia, the laughs, the good times, and those memories, and we knew the new film was going to go HARD. Harder than the man in black, drugged up playing a prison concert. Harder than Chris Pontius’ Godzilla penis...spoiler alert. “If You’re Gonna Be Dumb...” gets another nostalgic, acoustic cover this time courtesy of DJ PAUL and YELAWOLF but it incorporates a more modern, trap/hip-hop vibe and goes down its own lyrical route, breathing fresh life into the track a decade on. It brings together a new generation, a new cast, a new audience, and it’s quirky. 

Elsewhere, every song, has different connections to different fans, depending on their own personal Jackass preference. Very easily, we could talk about CKY and the connection with Bam, as he merged his original footage into the original series, and got his brothers band a full-on cult-like following. We all remember “69 Quite Bitter Beings” or, “Bernadette Nerr”, and of course, “Flesh Into Gear” from the first movie...and we can’t ignore “Afterworld” from “Jackass 3D”. CKY goes hand-in-hand with Jackass, but they are one of the most underrated bands on the planet. ANDREW WK can’t be left out with his party-hard anthem “We Want Fun”. Seeing the Jackass guys on Kerrang! in this music video was just amazing! 

​These are all key songs though in marketing, promotion, but what tracks stand out to our favourite stunts? While I could be here all day laughing to myself about the stupidest shit imaginable, what truly stands out? Ok the new movie has yet to sink into to our pop-culture conscious but, while these things take repeated views to really hammer home their genius, we can easily fondly remember the classics. The first movie has “Let’s Get Fucked Up” from the golf cart scenes...perfectly delivered by the SMUT PEDDLERS as Knoxville gets knocked out. SLAYER provide “Angel Of Death” for the first ever movie stunt, the “Rent-A-Car Derby”...the SAHARA HOTNIGHTS soundtrack Ryan Dunn getting the shit kicked out of him by a girl, and how can we ignore SIR MIX-A-LOT with “Baby Got Back”?
Number two got a little more cultured, including a variety of artists, ranging from rap group THREE 6 MAFIA who happily watched Dave England eat dry horse shit...to the ELVIS PRESLEY classic “A Little Less Conversation” enhancing the “Beehive Limo”...we had Scandinavian leather rockers TURBONEGRO play “The Gauntlet” via “All My Friends Are Dead”, while Chris Pontius himself delivered a track called “Karazy” which was an unofficial sequel to “Sand Vagina”.  

​TWSITED SISTER aided in the intro to “Jackass 3D” with “The Kids Are Back”, which was poignant too in the grand scheme of things, while we had blistering numbers by SASSAFRAS and a returning Roger Alan Wade with “Party In My Pants” ...before the ten-year hiatus, and ultimately, “Jackass Forever”, provided us with a fresh bunch of artists. Fans of Jackass will have their favourite cast-members, their favourite stunts and their favourite songs from the series, but collectively, we have to appreciate the thought and consideration that’s gone into these compilations. Sure, we’ve all made stunt clips, skating videos, skits, inspired by the Jackass crew, hell, I’ve been lucky enough to meet Steve-O and Bam, but we all take different memories from the stunts, the scenes, and the songs.
 We are blessed to live in a world where Jackass not only exists, but is applauded. It is escapism in the grandest form, it is relief from all of our own pain, suffering and misery, it is therapy for those less fortunate, and for that, and I will fucking name you...Jeff, Spike, Dimitry, Johnny, Bam, Steve-O, Ryan, Chris, Preston, Weeman, Rachel, Poopies, Ehren, Jasper, Zach, Eric, Dave, Raab, Rake, DiCamillo, Jess, April, Phill, Novak, Kosick, Loomis, Lance, Sean, everyone...THANKYOU. Everyone involved who ever made my own up-bringing a better place; THANKYOU...these soundtracks, as well as these films, fuelled a generation, and I, as well as many other people around the world, wouldn’t be the same without Jackass. Am I dumb? Yes. Am I tough? You bet your ass I’m tough...and I have these misfits to thank for it. We all do. Now, in the words of those Smut Peddlers...let’s get fucked up. #JackassForever. 

Remember, Jackass Forever is available RIGHT NOW on Blu-Ray, and other downloadable media type things, also the unseen footage will be included in Jackass 4.5, which will be on Netflix on May 20th. Merchandise is available online, and you can follow all of your favourite Jackass stars on social media. Warning...the stunts that you may or may not have remembered in this nostalgic commemorative write-up were performed by professionals. Neither you nor your dumb buddies should attempt any of the things that this article has fondly reminisced on your behalf, because I’m not going to court because you’re a fucking idiot. Seriously I’m hammering that point home right now I know what the internet is like. Actually, scrap that, I’m not a hypocrite, just don’t come crying to me when you’ve got a toy car up your ass, getting tossed by a bull, eating a vomlette, blindfolded, in an exploding portable toilet. If it DOES happen though, film it for fuck's sake, don’t waste good footage.  

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/JACKASS
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King Satan - "Occult Spiritual Anarchy"

10/4/2022

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2022 is a big year for monarchy; not only is Queen Elizabeth II celebrating her Platinum Jubilee (I honestly didn’t know Liz had shifted that many records to be fair, the National Anthem is doing BIG numbers fam!) but it also marks the return of KING SATAN. The Finns, based in Tampere, first caught my attention back in 2017 with their strikingly assertive debut “King Fucking Satan”, which viciously blended hints of blackened metal with an aggrotech vibe. They’ve recently gotten in touch again with their latest album “Occult Spiritual Anarchy” and asked me to check it out...sounds like a good time to me. 

Before we get to any music, I want to point out that the album title sounds like we’re about watch out-takes and bloopers from Zak Bagan's Ghost Adventures...it’s an energy I live for, and I hope the album lives up to this. Pass me a Ouija board, I want to roast a demon! I jest. We open up with “Left Hand Path Symphony” and it initially starts with an almost, punk-rock level of frenetic urgency, before we get more familiar electronic key notes, giving it a sort of, house of horrors vibe. This is up-beat and intense, especially as vocalist King Aleister Satan tears his way through the track with his throat scorching scowls. It wonderfully blends an impatient aggressiveness with impressively streamlined pop-hooks and the combination really works. A strong start this. 

This is immediately followed by “The Faces Of The Devil” and in terms of aesthetic and energy level, we’re on par, and they’re blistering through this. We’re treated to some more distinct, classic rock inspired 6-string work with the guitar solo, which stands out from the techno, blast-beat-bombardment, but it complements the track, as opposed to sounding out of place. “Human Sacrifice” is something I will also endorse (And the track is alright too) ...as keyboardist Kate Boss gets to wrap her vocals around this one, and her super smooth, innocent harmonies sound positively angelic compared to the back-drop of unapologetic metal, resulting in quite the dramatic listening experience. 

If things haven’t impressed you by this point, then, and quite appropriately, we get “This Is Where The Magick Happens” and it’s easily the albums stand-out track. For an industrial-tinged sub-genre of metal this has no right being this catchy. Stylistically, little differs it from the above, but there’s a positivity and bounce to this and you can easily imagine this being insanely good at a live show, as its borderline anthemic in its own right. A fantastically fun track this.  

As much fun as we’re having however, there are a few niggling issues to address with a couple of the tracks. “The Pagan Satan” for example, makes use of subtle, folk horror feels, but despite moments of guitar work, it plods along methodically, and the almost spoken-word vocal delivery reminds you of “The Hessian” by VALLENBROSA, though sadly not as enjoyable. “Spiritual Anarchy ‘22” while being fun musically, has these, almost Elmo-esque vocal samples and it detracts from an otherwise O.K track. Closing track then “Outro (Clowning Is A Serious Business)” on face value looks like it’d fit right in with the type of drivel INSANE CLOWN POSSE would spout, or even BIG DUMB FACE...either way it’s an absolute nothing-track, complete waste of time and three minutes of your life you’ll never get back.  

Ultimately, while they’ve retained elements from their debut, with them still combining those coarse, metal elements with the more synth-heavy notes, they’ve toned back on the industrial/EDM aspects of their sound and delivered more of a straight-up, hard hitting heavy rock record. Does that matter? No, because King Satan have still delivered another solid record that’s well worth checking out. Occult spiritual anarchy? It’s the kind of fun you’d risk getting burnt at the stake for. [7] 
WWW.KINGSATAN.NET
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Popping666Cherries - "Heaven & Hell" EP

6/3/2022

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Finding and, in-turn writing about new bands, isn’t necessarily always about the music... it allows you to discover, and thus learn about new places as well. For instance, today we’ll be taking a little field trip up into Scotland, and more specifically, a town called Troon. 

A quiet coastal town situated in West Ayrshire, it’s a place you’ve probably heard of if you’re a fan of golf, with it not only having the Royal Troon Golf Course, which occasionally hosts the Open Championship, but it’s the birthplace of Colin Montgomerie; one of the most successful to ever swing a golf club. Other than that? Well...aside from a couple of footballers, it’s fair to say that it’s not exactly a place that comes to mind about...anything. Especially music. Can today’s band change that? 

Let me introduce you to POPPING666CHERRIES. Now before we even press play, we have to address this name...we all know that’s there’s a certain sense of edgier appeal in this sort of thing; just look at the likes of ADOLF SATAN, or the majestically titled ANAL CUNT, but they roll off the tongue a lot easier. Merely SAYING Popping666Cherries, is frankly just as hard, as finding the 666 virgins on a Scottish council estate to begin with. Speaking of council estates...the cover art for their latest EP “Heaven & Hell” looks so bleak and desolate it makes Mad Max’s own dystopian post-apocalypse look like a day out in fucking Disneyland. I’m sure Crosbie Church and cemetery would have made for a far happier visual. Nevertheless, we have music to check out, and, they did ask nicely. 

The EP opens up with “Family Ties” and, musically this isn’t what I was expecting truth be told. It’s got quite a light, almost bubbly electronic aesthetic...it sounds like it’s been plucked right out of that, early, proto-goth experimental era, combining the likes of NEW ORDER with the most subtle of industrial underlays. It’s honestly not unpleasant, until we get to vocalist Gwen Smith, that is. Her vocals are at such a juxtaposition here with the music it takes you a minute to let it sink in. Her incredibly gruff, almost spoken-word delivery does little but clash with the up-beat instrumentation and it’s bordering on off-putting, but we’ll see where this goes. 

We follow this with arguably the EP’s two strongest offerings; “Candyman” and “GSquad”. The former, while realistically drawn out at just shy of five minutes, musically, does make good use of those 80’s post-punk influences, and its strength is in Its simplicity. The rhythm here, coupled with the sharper electronic notes and indie-based guitar style is, instrumentally at least, quite catchy and could be utilised for a much better track. The latter then, takes those post-punk ideologies and indulges further in the darker, bass-rich soundscapes of say, SISTERS OF MERCY and again, could genuinely lay the foundations for a really good gothic-rock track. Sadly, it’s front-woman Gwen here who let’s everything down. I mean, in terms of her performance, it’s hard to put a finger on it. Imagine, like, hooking up an 8-Track cassette recorder directly to one of Lemmy’s lungs following his 1,000th Marlboro of the morning, while using South Park’s Ned Gerblansky as inspiration tonally, and instead of using an actual recording booth, it’s a sewer. 

The last two tracks then sadly act as nothing more than filler. “Over The Edge” does have its almost, 69 EYES inspired guitar tones from their formative gothic-rock years, think, “Framed In Blood” era, while closing track then “Fire And Desire” houses a much darker, blackened aesthetic when it gets going, which cushions the more lust-fuelled, almost seductively sacrificial, very sexual lyrics. There’s a strong BDSM vibe layered throughout the track but I truly believe even Pinhead himself would think twice... 

Ultimately, while I appreciate Gwen getting in touch for this, sadly this has for the most part, disappointed. There are plenty of moments over the course of the five tracks that hold great promise, as they’ve nailed that classic crossover sound of post-punk, early electronica and a dusting of industrial swarf, and that aspect of the band works just fine, but the vocals aren’t up to the task. The inspirations of ANNE RICE, EDGAR ALLAN POE, some of my own personal favourite bands, horror, mythology and hell even fetishism, told me I was potentially in for a great time with this EP, and I wanted to enjoy this so badly, but it wasn’t to be. We’ll end here on a more positive note though...cherry pips are a source of amygdalin, which your body converts to cyanide. Take those 666 cherry pips and chew them up nice and good before you listen to anymore. You can thank me when I bust out the Ouija board. [3] 
WWW.POPPING666CHERRIES.COM
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Junksista - "Fuck Your Pretty Face" EP

6/2/2022

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Pennywise the dancing clown...a trans-dimensional being that returns to Derry, Maine, every 27-years to feed upon the fear of the children, devouring them to a chorus of NENA’s “99 Red Balloons”...(I wish). The Creeper...a ferocious, cannibalistic, cryptid-esque humanoid monster, that roams the back roads of Northern Florida every 23-years, feeding on the unlucky chosen few, as it harvests their body parts to regenerate, and prolong its own necrotic existence. JUNKSISTA...a German alternative electro duo, that seemingly return every four years to challenge me musically and punch me right in the twat. Allow me to elaborate. 

Back in 2014, Diana Noir and Boog, who make-up Junksista, released an album by the name of “High Voltage Confessions”, and upon review I didn’t hesitate to confess my disdain for the utter cringeworthy lyricism. Most artists are, or can be, put-off by negative feedback, but credit to the duo, they came back in 2018 with “Promiscuous Tendencies”, and with a wink and a cheeky smile, they challenged me for round two, and I have to be honest, I was humbled. Now don’t get me wrong...the follow up wasn’t a masterpiece, but everything from the style instrumentally, more serious lyrics and production quality HAD improved, and they provided some genuinely catchy tracks. Now...in 2022, Diana has gotten in touch and forwarded me their brand-new EP, charmingly titled “Fuck Your Pretty Face”...let’s smear some makeup for round three. 

We open up with the title track and it’s got a fairly straightforward, pulsing electronic core, with only subtle guitar surges until the solo-effort, and really in ways it sort of combines the likes of, edgier, modern DEPECHE MODE with a more ambient NINE INCH NAILS. Lyrically it’s very simplistic, frankly repetitive, and it’s a clear dig at societies sense of, shallow, plastic materialism, especially in young women. Your make up looks lovely darling but there’s nothing beneath it, all style and no substance, stop following those “influencers” and stop living for likes. It does come across as personal, to be honest, but the raw honesty is appreciated. It isn’t JUST a song title, Diana is talking to you really quite directly, and if you feel attacked...well... 

Next up we have “Cravings”, and musically here we have another, really quite generic, run of the mill piece of, almost dark-wave, with certain notes reminding of pre-post-punk GOST. Lyrically, again, incredibly simple and minimal...given the bands back catalogue and knowing their penchant for the intimate, theses cravings are no doubt sexual, or sensual, and it is hinted at but not said directly. I think Diana wants to take the EP’s title quite literally but that’s all I’m going to say on the matter. Speaking of, there is a remix of said title track by PSY’AVIAH and frankly it brings very little to the table. It’s slightly rearranged, incorporates more of that dark-wave aesthetic and plods along just fine, but doesn’t inspire a great deal; it’s typical B-Side fodder essentially. 

This brings us to our closing track, and this was a genuine surprise. 1979 KISS classic “I Was Made For Loving You” gets the cover treatment, and what was a sort of, disco-rock / glam-funk crossover prototype, gets the cold, slow, chill-wave / dream pop treatment. It does work, and Junksista’s already established, often sexualised lyricism, allows this to not feel out of place at all. To be fair there are slight elements to this that could be fitting for a Bond theme to a degree, which is pretty prestigious in its own right.  

Ultimately, I have to say, I’m disappointed. The banter and rapport between myself and Diana over the last two records did admittedly lead to a certain sense of expectation; I was expecting to enjoy bits, wince at bits, maybe even shed a tear as I reach for my bottle of Jack Daniel’s, equally saddened and proud of being able to put my eardrums through such a barrage of potential absurdity...instead, this was a fairly safe, very minimal EP, especially lyrically. There was no twat punching, there were no whoopee cushions or questionable ice cream references...nothing. Somebody pass me a red balloon...I’m off to the sewer to play with Pennywise...he’s more fun. [5] 
WWW.JUNKSISTA.BANDCAMP.COM
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The Birthday Massacre - "Fascination"

31/1/2022

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Cast your mind back, if you will, to March 2020. This may only be a mere two years ago on paper, but Jesus does it feel like forever ago! It was around this time, that the Covid-19 / Coronavirus pandemic went into full gear and the world went into lockdown...a thing that frustratingly, we are STILL dealing with, and to many, it’s felt like someone’s hit the pause button on life.  

​Hopelessness aside, you may remember that around this time, Canadian dark-pop / synth-wave veterans THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE, had released their latest album “Diamonds”, and were excited to get back on that tour bus. Naturally, this didn’t go to plan, and despite the quality of the album itself, it almost felt like it couldn’t be properly celebrated, as many fans were now unable to enjoy these songs at live shows across North America and here in the UK.  

Fast forward to 2022 now, and having survived through ever changing and ever varying degrees of pandemic protocol, government teeter-tottering on their own frankly hypocritical regulations (I swear, it was NOT a party, it was an unexpectedly accidental, and somewhat coincidental gathering, of people who, just happened to be, very close friends and colleagues, who also, for some reason, all had alcoholic beverages and caviar Vol-Au-Vents), we find The Birthday Massacre back with another brand-new album; “Fascination”. Has the past two years of uncertainty and frustration fuelled this record creatively? Let’s find out... 

We open up with the title track, and the longest track of the album here, provides a certain sense of, dramatic grandiosity...in a good way. The almost angelic choir-esque vocal harmonies beautifully compliment the delicate, icy synths in the opening notes, and coupled with the deeper, yet sparse bass level electronic pulses, it’s musically a perfect combination. Add Chibi’s effortlessly innocent vocals to the mix, and you are instantly drawn into the album in an almost hypnotic manner.  

Following on directly from this we have the albums lead single “Dreams Of You” and we get some classic TBM. It’s simple, effective, electronic pop-rock and they continue to do it masterfully. It’s up-beat, bubbly and jovial and the band clearly still love what they do; it shines through tracks such as this one and it reminds us all just how polished and efficient the purple-clad Canadians are at churning out songs sweeter and stickier than maple syrup, and there’s plenty more where this came from... 

The track “Precious Hearts” channels a certain old-school TBM vibe that harnesses synths akin to their “Video Kid” era while utilising their ability to unleash more intense, crunching guitar parts. The riffs here aren’t technically challenging or even unique but they use the heaviness well and it just fits perfectly. The minimal solo part in ways can be likened to fellow electronic rock veterans ORGY, and this whole thing is top-drawer. However, it isn’t even the best track on the record. “Like Fear, Like Love” is quite simply, incredible. I’ve talked on how TBM make it look so easy to churn out absolute belters like this, and this is a prime example. The catchy hooks, 80’s inspired darkened synth-wave, the soft, yet bold, emotive vocals; this is textbook and prove why they are among, if not THE best at what they do. It’s impossible to not find yourself moving in some way shape or form to this track...even if you’re a corpse.  

Appropriately then we eventually close on “The End Of All Stories” and it’s effective as a slower, more lulling piece of electronic dreamscape. To which may I add, the band are equally effective in delivering. As sombre and frankly emotional as this track feels aesthetically, it still manages to round things up on a high note somewhat oxymoronically. While it’s fun to go out with a bang, to set the mood, and atmosphere with a perfect ballad is equally as effective, and here it gives the album a wonderful sense of closure.  

Whether or not this would have been the same album The Birthday Massacre gave us if we didn’t have a pandemic, creatively, we will never know, but we have to respect the fact that, bands and touring artists all around the world, have been affected these last two years. Despite losing out on highly important touring income; through ticket sales and merchandise, they’ve doubled down and produced yet another slab of gothic-tinged melodic electro-pop beauty, and it deserves your attention. Regardless of your actual date of birth, “Fascination” comes out via METROPOLIS RECORDS on February 18th, so treat yourself to a second birthday, buy this album and show Chibi and co some love. [8] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/THEBIRTHDAYMASSACRE
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RuPaul - "Mamaru"

23/1/2022

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“Transvestites get...lumped into that weirdo grouping. There was a guy in the Bronx when I was in New York...he was living in a cave, like you do, and was coming out, shooting geese, a lot of weird things going on with him, and police found he had a collection of women's shoes. They said ‘He’s a transvestite’...but he’s a WEIRDO transvestite. I’m much more of an EXECUTIVE transvestite...” - EDDIE IZZARD, live from AL-CA-TRAAAAAAAZZZZ during “Dressed To Kill”, 1999. 

Going back well over twenty years, Eddie Izzard, as a highly regarded stand-up comedian, was at the forefront of pushing boundaries, with his eccentric and often provocative cross-dressing persona, but even so, back then, he was able to use that to laugh at both himself and the topic itself, as it was still a subject or, an idea reduced to cheap laughs, or frowned upon by certain non-liberals.  

Nowadays, in 2022, while the world still has its detractors, the idea of simply cross-dressing, is far, far more commonplace and accepted in a far more woke generation. While some people argue certain agendas, push their own sense of toxic masculinity, misunderstanding, prejudice and display close-minded tendencies, LGTBQ+ culture is flourishing, wherever you find yourself along the rainbow. If anything reinforces this, it’s the booming popularity of RUPAUL.  

The drag race phenomenon has grown, and grown, and grown Stateside, in that same time-frame. Bigger, brighter, bolder on mainstream streaming networks, and culturally in society...but what I DIDN’T know...was that RuPaul released music. The question is, am I afraid to absolutely slate this music, purely FOR the music that it is, knowing that certain people are going think that I’m criticizing the community, NOT the music? Am I fuck...this is “Mamaru”...pass the Jack Daniels... 

The album opens up with “Just What They Want”, and when I say this is arguably as good as this gets, don’t take that as a positive. This is in fact not what I want at all. I know RuPaul is a coloured 61-year-old gentleman, but I have to make that white-rapper analogy. EMINEM joked about white boys thinking they could rap, following his popularity (He earned that through legitimate eloquent skill may I add), but most of us sound clueless, off-beat, and cringeworthy with our rhymes and flows...this sound’s nearly as bad as your local council estate rap wannabe. Cool fam’ you wear Nike Air’s off of the back of a lorry and your mum shops at a food bank? Sit down you clown. Get the idea? There are subtle BRITNEY SPEARS nods to “Work Bitch” but this is SO early 90’s it’s unreal...the general dance-inspired R’n’B beats give this sleazy strip club vibes, or at BEST Kooler’s nights in Merthyr Tydfil. Wipe your feet on the way out like... 

We’ve got a collab then courtesy of SKELTAL KI on the track “Catwalk” and this is frankly less offensive to your sense of hearing. The whole thing has been slowed down in tone and tempo, allowing for a more sultry, semi-soulful piece of slow-jam R’n’B, while the autotune-rich rich vocals accompany the synth-heavy instrumentation, and it’s far, far smoother in production. There is a reprise of this track further down the playlist but, like an actual cat, my interest is long-gone by this point, got more important things to do like, nap, and judge everything around me.  

Speaking of judging things, we have the track “Smile”...and oh god...this is more grimace than anything else. Ironically the message here is one incredibly positive one, “Fix your face, fix your life you can start with a smile”...small steps to a more, happier, wholesome existence...clearly, they haven’t heard this song. The electronic pop is intertwined with hip-hop beats and the autotune by this point is sickly...it’s like, fucking SEGA produced the track truth be told...Chronic the Hedgehog if you will. This then, is something the album wrestles with over Its 10-track run time. 

The whole thing from a production standpoint, is boisterous, loud and brash. While there are genres that CAN get away with it, such as say, aggressive punk, for example, where it’s meant to be challenging, make you think, make you question...this is just an absolute clusterfuck. The layering and instrumentation is headache-inducing, and over the course of its half an hour run-time, despite whatever positive messages or, inspirational content Ru is channelling through this creative outlet, however much of an icon he is to a demographic, or target audience, musically, on make-up smothered face-value, this is messier than a bin-full of post catwalk wet-wipes. Forget drag Queen...this album was dragged through a hedge backwards. [2] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/RUPAUL
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Kat Von D - "Love Made Me Do It"

26/12/2021

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I’d like to, if I may, to take a short minute, to talk about KAT VON D. Now, a lot of you are probably going to be aware, that she is primarily famous for her position on the acclaimed reality show "LA Ink", where she cemented herself as a world-renowned tattoo artist and colourful personality (Despite her ironic preference for black & white portrait ink). This position led her into a world of glitz and glamour with her celebrity clientele, and over the number of seasons she co-starred in the show, her name grew and grew.  

With her high-profile connections and her name in the spotlight, over the years she expanded her business and brand portfolio from not only tattoo and body art, but into a prolific make-up career, where she championed vegan make-up, being a devout animal lover (No animal testing for those confused, no bunnies in slutty lipstick), to yes...even singing.  

Now...don’t get me wrong; just because you are admittedly very talented at one thing, and have been able to grow a successful following with another, doesn’t mean EVERYTHING is going to work. Hypothetically at least. To make this point, her appearance on “Rosary Blue” by THE 69 EYES wasn’t exactly spectacular back in 2012, but is it fair to judge a person's singing career on one niche bonus track? 2021 saw Kat release her debut solo album, by the name of “Love Made Me Do It” …let’s see what it took her nine years to get up to.... 

The album opens up with “Intro”; the most original of opening tracks, and, it’s your typical purely instrumental introduction that’s designed to create a sense of suspense and intrigue. Though, to be fair, the deep, chilling synths here give off a very “Stranger Things” vibe. I swear that TV show’s intro was so good it’s become a standard bearer to this exact sort of synth driven instrumentation. First track proper then; “Vanish” follows in the same vein as the aforementioned 69 Eyes collaboration. It’s a hushed, delicate piano piece with Kat’s vocals sounding husky, raspy and vulnerable, as she sings about her fears towards being able to love. It’s quite a solemn, self-depreciating track and really quite deep in its self-reflection to be fair, and an emotionally powerful start.  

Lyrically, Kat can remain subtly negative in certain aspects but credit to her, despite this, she’s released a selection of absolute bops, and we’ll start with “Exorcism”. The percussion rich retro synths give this a wonderfully new-wave throwback, and the chorus is on another level. The almost spoken-word delivery of the track's vocals allows for the harmonious notes to shine through, and for all intents and purposes this is a brilliant pop song.  

This is continued with “Lost At Sea” which instrumentally channels the same energy electronically as say, WILLIAM CONTROL, and the throwback vibes are strong here. The chorus feels like an eruption of frustrations as Kat sings the tracks title, amidst a barrage of more intense guitar and drum work and the whole piece just feels like, more of the frenetic advocation of her own mental state and wellbeing. The string work adds taste and maturity to the overall message and it’s like a real sense of reflection, sung with honesty and it’s applaudable.  

Album highlight then “Pretending” is simply superb...the 80’s-rich electronic pop harks back to the likes of ULTRAVOX and A FLOCK OF SEAGULLS and yet again, the chorus here is one of the catchiest things you will hear this year. This is modern new wave pop at its very best and once again the simplicity of a catchy-ass chorus, along with the nostalgic vibes of early new romanticism allow this to be a legit tune; this is a flawless, faultless pop track and all of the applause needs to go to Kat for delivering this. There are other efforts such as “Enough” which channel the likes of THE CURE, and even "Protected" featuring PETER MURPHY of BAUHAUS no less, but to be fair, we’ve peaked. 

While not being a complete sweep, with the likes of “Interlude” being ultimately pointless, and “I Am Nothing” returning to that solemn, hushed slow-jam effort, it’s not an entirely fun-filled record. Obviously, the tracks that stand out do so on their own merit, and each to their own, but to lose the intro and interlude cliches would save some time, and it’s only a shame that Kat indulged in more of the slower offerings, knowing what she is capable of as a pop star it turns out.  

Don’t get me wrong, the album as a whole, is impressive and wasn’t what I was expecting following the 69 Eyes collaboration, but I’m glad it’s gone this way. Few modern pop artists correctly mix modern production with the aesthetic of their own 80’s influences and too often it becomes cliché, but with Kat not being a renowned musician, the expectation was non-existent, and her tracks have sounded fresh as a result. It’s not a perfect album start to finish, but it’s a brilliant nostalgia trip, and a great gateway for some of y’all younglings to take an interest in some classic 80’s electronic pop. Love apparently made her do it, I just hope she does it again...[7] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/KATVOND
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Electric Six - "Streets Of Gold"

23/11/2021

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Most bands, however successful, are just as partial to a cheeky cover track, as you and the lads are partial to a cheeky Nando’s. Mind you, like Nando’s own scale of spicy sauces, some covers might hit the spot, some will make you want to shit ON the spot. Just recently I applauded DAVE GAHAN’s hauntingly beautiful cover of METALLICA’s “Nothing Else Matters”...I will never NOT be in love with HIM’s cover of “Wicked Game”...and JOHNNY CASH’s “Hurt” is simply tear-jerking...in a good way.  

On the flip side then, you have, say... MARILYN MANSON, who’s covers mostly sound like the rejected pile, from the already rejected pile, from BTEC talent show auditions from Wheretheactualfuckistan, that weren’t even so bad they were amusing. Sweet dreams are in fact made, when you are NOT butchering the EURYTHMICS thank you Mazza. 

This then brings us to ELECTRIC SIX. The Detroit alt./experimental rockers, while renowned for their 2003 hits “Gay Bar” and “Danger! High Voltage”, are recording and touring machines. Dick Valentine and co almost never stop, especially Dick...Dick just keeps on going...*Cough* excuse me. Honestly though, they’re in double digits with their albums and almost live on the road.  

While they throw a cover of THE OSMONDS hit “Crazy Horses” into the mix occasionally, their only real cover of any notoriety came when they released QUEEN’s classic “Radio Gaga”, which stirred up some mild controversy...other than that, they’re as original as they come. So, it’s surprising then, that 2021 finds the dance commanders releasing “Streets Of Gold” via Cleopatra Records...an entire album’s worth of covers! The trouble is with Electric Six...what the hell can we expect? Let’s find out... 

The album opens up with a version of “Don’t Change”, which was originally a 1982 hit for Australian rockers INXS...and musically it’s kept somewhat loyal to the original. It’s got the synth driven opening and characteristics, and remains upbeat; it’s a fun little track 40 years on, though Dick’s own vocal twang gives the track a slightly different feel. It’s the kind of track you can easily see the band having fun with live, and it’s a fairly decent start. Next up, we have a cut from one ROKY ERIKSON...and last time we crossed paths with him, it was courtesy of GHOST covering “If You Have Ghosts”, which was in fact superb. Here, we have a take on his 1981 effort “Click Your Fingers Applauding The Play”, and the rough-edged psychedelic-tinged, classic rock frankly suits Electric Six perfectly. The soft gallop of the guitar and especially the lyrical structure benefit Dick’s own style, and a cover such as this simply makes sense. Even if the high notes are questionable...like, Barry Gibb stepping on Lego... 

For a band as eccentric as Electric Six, it's easy to assume there must be some properly deranged, obscure cuts here making up this compilation of covers, but to be fair they’ve included some big names. ALICE COOPER gets a nod with a cover of “No More Mr. Nice Guy” and again, tonally, it’s fairly true to the original instrumentally. It retains a classic, semi-glam rock aesthetic and the simplicity of the track enables the band to just, have fun performing a track they enjoy. We get a track from KISS; “Strutter”...and I just want it to be known, they are the ultimate catfish band. You look at Kiss, and expect something like, VENOM...something hellish and visceral, but then you remember only Gene Simmons looks demonic, the others just look like a bunch of face painted spandex-clad twats. I digress, this version is better. Enough said. 

Some questions DO have to be asked though...as we get Dick Valentine wrapping his vocals around “Little Lies” by FLEETWOOD MAC, which is arguably one of the sweetest songs ever written. There are soft vocal harmonies with delicate synths layered throughout, giving an almost childlike innocence, that are balanced by some adequate guitar surges through the chorus, but Dick hasn’t got the voice to REALLY pull this off. Sure, it’s fun, and you can’t not enjoy this song, but sadly this isn’t a patch on the original. Our lead single then...”Yah Mo B There”...by JAMES INGRAM sounds like, the most, recherché of all possible options given the aforementioned, but it works! The classic, synth driven, funk-led R’n’B leans heavily towards Electric Six’s general output. A tad annoying, don’t get me wrong, but it works. 

Overall, this collection of tracks is equally interesting as it is enjoyable. There are certain tracks that the band have adapted well, and some that don’t quite sit right with their established sound, but it makes for an adventure as much as it does a listen. It gives you more of an idea of where Electric Six formed; as the funky, jazz-fuelled, glam rock is a style they’ve been fine tuning and owning since those days of “Fire” etc. More of a bonus treat for the long-term die-hards than anything else; it’s got its moments but there are several more important records to start with if you are new to Electric Six. Either way, the band continue life on the road in the UK this December, and, yeah...yah mo B there...[5] 
WWW.ELECTRICSIX.COM
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Limp Bizkit - "Still Sucks"

7/11/2021

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We need to address the elephant in the room...and ironically that just so happens to be “Stampede Of The Disco Elephants”. This was, for the longest time, reportedly the working title for LIMP BIZKIT’s follow up to 2011’s “Gold Cobra”, but over the course of the past decade, suggesting that it’s been in production purgatory would be a massive understatement. 

The nu-metal veterans left their long-time label Interscope around this time, to eventually join Cash Money Records; and the initial stand-alone single “Ready To Go” with LIL WAYNE was hugely encouraging, but despite a few sparse, random releases, the band seemingly lost all sense of direction and momentum and for all intents and purposes, they disappeared.  

Now we find ourselves in 2021, and oh how the times have changed. While they were once world beaters, chart topping titans of the alternative music scene...they became a joke in the eyes of the metal community. A musical meme if you will, and at best they turned into a guilty pleasure. Lost in the youthful, angst-ridden memories of days gone by, we thought we’d seen the last of the Bizkit. Oh, how we were wrong. On October 31st, Halloween of all occasions, they dropped the long-awaited album, under the new title of “Still Sucks”. With the time of year, we have to ask ourselves, will this be a trick, or a treat, and more importantly, did they ever truly suck to begin with? Let’s find out... 

The album opens up with “Out Of Style” and a surprisingly philosophical intro, as Fred Durst’s first words are “We cannot change the past, but we CAN start today, to make a better tomorrow”, which sounds like he’s ready to sweep everything under the carpet. Wes Borland’s guitars here sound really dirty and disjointed, and it’s clear the suggestion of the track here is, all this time later, the band still sound unlike any other band on the planet; they're never IN style.  

Their unique approach to rock, metal and rap creatively was what sold them millions of records in the first place, and with nobody else doing it as well as Bizkit, then OR since, they were as out of style when they exploded then, as they are now all these years later, and they stand out all the more for it. It may double as a dig at the nu-metal genre as a whole, and the lack of respect it generally gets from the average metal fan, with pleading lines like “We should be on the same team, on the motherfucking same team, if we aint’ then we nothing”, it highlights the toxicity in the metal community. 

We have to talk about “Dad Vibes” ...this was the track that got everyone talking about Limp Bizkit again recently, as the band dropped it during a live show out of the blue, giving people the first hint at new music for a long time. Technically the albums lead single if you will, it’s underwhelming with its basic hip-hop aesthetic, with cymbal-rich percussion and only light guitar aspects, and to be honest more attention was paid to Fred Dursts appearance. Yes, it's all tongue in cheek as, now in his 50’s, Durst dressed up as uncool as possible to rap on stage, embracing how supposedly silly or cringeworthy people may think Bizkit are today, with the track acting like one giant metaphorical middle finger. 

These vibes as such are a general theme for this record as a whole, which at this point revels in its sense of self-depreciating irony. “Barnacle” is an incredibly catchy piece of grunge-heavy hard rock potentially aimed at bandwagon jumpers and those who hate on the band purely because it’s cool, you’re all barnacles, clinging on to whatever might be relevant. “Don’t Change” then harks back to their cover of “Behind Blue Eyes” with another wonderfully soft acoustic piece. The style really works for them as this proves yet again, and the mellow, gentler sound here is genuinely lovely. “Love The Hate” directly targets the naysayers with an incredibly self-aware cringe-riddled piece of back-and-forth rap. The whole track is cosplaying as the same fans who hate on the band, and with more than a mountain of irony they put themselves down while reminding you how little they care for your opinion. Absolute zero fucks given, the true Limp Bizkit way. 

In summation, that’s probably the best way to approach this album. Yes, it’s been a long time, and yes, we all know that Limp Bizkit can drop some absolute bangers, but if that’s what you’re going into this album looking for, then you’re going to be disappointed. I truly believe, the level of self-awareness that pebbledashes this album from start to finish is beyond intentional...as much as people slate the band, as irrelevant as people suggest the band are now, in less than a week the album has racked up millions of listens and streams having had zero promotion due to the fact, nobody fucking knew it was coming out. The interest and excitement was organic, and proved without a doubt, there will always be place in the world for Limp Bizkit. Will they follow this up with a more crafted, polished, serious album? Who knows, but let’s get one thing straight...Limp Bizkit have never sucked, and that is the unquestionable truth...which...wait that actually sucked. Damnit. [5]
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/LIMPBIZKIT
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Måneskin - "Teatro D'ira - Vol. 1"

30/10/2021

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It’s been a long time since I talked about Eurovision...granted this year the UK’s presence AND result, shared the same number of points as having a lifeguard at the Olympics for the swimming events. Zero. Talk about inadequate! (Ok, health and safety aside you get the point...unlike the UK) I digress. While I can laugh at the dumpster fire that is my own country right now, where there are losers, there are of course, winners, and if you recall, this year's honours went to Italy and their unexpected rock entrants MÅNESKIN.  

Formed in Rome in 2016, comprising of vocalist Damiano David, bassist Victoria De Angelis, guitarist Thomas Raggi and drummer Ethan Torchio, they rose to national prominence via Italy’s own version of The X Factor where they finished runners up in 2017, but they’ve grown in stature ever since. As rising stars in Italy, they not only won over Europe with their Eurovision track “Zitti E Buoni”, but they’ve also just landed their first slot on American tv, performing on “The Tonight Show” no less. Impressive stuff! Let’s catch up with the four-piece as we check out their 2021 mini-album “Teatro D’ira - Vol. 1” 

The album (Which I believe translates as “Theatre Of Wrath – Vol. 1”) kicks off with that Eurovision winner “Zitti E Buoni” which in turn translates to “Shut Up And Behave”, or there about. It’s easy to see why this did well in the Netherlands this year; the band have a real sense of swagger, combined with a classic rock flare and presentation wise are bonded with an almost sexual chemistry. It’s an up-tempo rocking piece with fast paced vocal delivery in their native Italian and it’s simply a fun track, regardless of if you understand it.  

Elsewhere we have “Lividi Sui Gomiti” which I think means something along the lines of “Bruises On Your Elbows”...and I can’t say that I have any form or context for this. Maybe they were fans of Macho Man Randy Savage, I don’t know. The track itself is another quickly semi-spoken offering in terms of vocal and lyrical delivery. It’s got a wonderfully smooth blues rock vibe within its twangy guitar tones and as it climaxes it exudes a sense of angst and frustration that rounds off the track well. “I Wanna Be Your Slave” then provides one of the select few English language tracks and it’s an interesting one. It’s incredibly rife with its intentional sense of juxtaposition, channelling a sense of internal struggle and identity crisis. With lyrics like “I wanna be a good boy / I wanna be a ganster” and “I wanna be a sinner / I wanna be a preacher” among others screams of an inner turmoil. Given how society is today with a lot more emphasis on transgender issues, rights and equality, this song lyrically, and its accompanying music video especially, can probably help many find or understand themselves. Risqué or down right offensive to some but bold and empowering to many. Support the latter folks.  

Elsewhere then we have the likes of “In Nome Del Padre” which I believe means “In The Name Of The Father” and it’s got that bluesy, almost southern rock vibe instrumentally, but the pacing of the Italian lyrics give this a certain frustrated edge, like it’s inspired by RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE in certain aspects. “Coraline” then simply reminds me of the stop-motion animation, and by that I obviously mean this should be another song silly! Forget buttons sewn into my eyes, use them to plug my ears! It’s more of an acoustic led piece. It does transition into some grittier guitar work but it fails to captivate.  

Overall, while having captured people's attention on a global scale, with some provocative videos and stage presence, plus a couple of energetic tunes, the band haven’t really unleashed any wrath so to speak, they’re all theatre. Granted to a mainstream audience the language barrier will cause some issues, but they are capable of delivering tunes in English too, which goes in their favour. They utilise classic hard rock aesthetics well and do have their own charm, and I’m sure they’ll be given chance to evolve having dipped their toes in American waters. Just as their name means Moonlight...they need the opportunity to fully glow. [6]
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/MANESKINOFFICIAL
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Various Artists - "The Metallica Blacklist"

14/9/2021

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Iconic...legendary...these are words quite often thrown around haphazardly nowadays. Like, you're at the bar and your mate goes for a round and comes back with a cheeky packet of pork scratchings, so you call him a legend. No, he’s not a legend, he’s a bell-end he could have grabbed two packs the selfish twat. I digress. When it comes to something like music, or art in general, it takes something special to garner such praise, truly, and today’s review is a real reflection of that. Today we’re going to be talking about METALLICA. 

Now, love them or hate them for whatever reasons y’all elitist metal heads have (Personally bar a couple of tracks, I’m not a massive fan of Metallica, or their style of metal in general but that’s just me) you can’t deny the impact they’ve had on heavy music since day one. Their early discography helped lay the foundations for the evolution of metal into thrash and beyond, churning out some of the most important releases of the whole genre...until in 1991, when they released arguably THE most important; “The Black Album”. 

Many OG fans felt like it was a bit of a departure from their raw origins, incorporating softer melodies and more clean vocals (James Hetfield has gone on record to say on this album he finally became a singer) and that while still Metallica, and as strong of an album it technically was, they had sold out. Sounds absurd right? “The Black Album”, already following “...And Justice For All” simply cemented them as THE biggest metal band on the planet, and in terms of the history of metal, it’s one of the foremost standard bearers. In 2021...that still holds true. 

Thirty years after its release, it’s still talked about and revered for its influence and importance, and to celebrate the albums anniversary, Metallica have decided to cherry pick a plethora of artists from all walks of life, to highlight just how influential the album has been. The artists got to pick a song of their choosing from “The Black Album” and record a cover, for what is now known, as “The Blacklist”. SIXTY-SIX versions of the songs you all know and love...in one compilation. Let’s dive into this, black hole if you will, and highlight some the more, diverse recordings on offer. 
Luckily for us, the tracks aren’t all thrown together mish mash like the running order was decided by a washing machine spin-cycle, they are categorised by specific tracks, and to start us off, we have 7 renditions of “Enter Sandman”. Let’s be honest as far as heavy metal anthems go, this is up there in the top tier; a rock club floor filler guaranteed for beer fuelled singalongs...so what do we get here? ALESSIA CARA is first up and the “Scars To Your Beautiful” songstress wraps her husky, soulful pop vocals around the track, accompanied by THE WARNING. As a performer she brings a fresh take on the vocals and this is SLICK; a very strong start here. As the track progresses, we get the heavier instrumental factors and it becomes something say, FLORENCE & THE MACHINE would drop on an EP... actually that sounds fantastic somebody make that happen.  

Sticking with “Enter Sandman” we get some interesting variations...we get WEEZER dropping a version that wouldn’t be out of place on their own “The Teal Album” compilation...a pretty straightforward cover, bar a couple of guitar tweaks and a subtle nod to “Buddy Holly”. It’s fine. RINA SAWAYAMA then takes things up a notch with a surging, riff-heavy almost techno-inspired piece of production with bold, assertive vocals, becoming possibly one of the tracks better covers ever. Occultist theatrical rockers GHOST then drop arguably the most creative cover, as they ditch the iconic intro, and delve straight into a piano-led lyrical opening. They have their distinct style, and the holy-tones soon shift into gear as the guitars erupt, and it’s an interesting take on the classic. 

Next up we have “Sad But True” and I have to say, the best version here by far comes courtesy of country artist JASON ISBELL & THE 400 UNIT. The country/rockabilly twist with the twangy guitars gives the Alabama-born artist a unique take on the track and it really works. South Korean outfit YB offer a more up-tempo rock recording, which, while fine audibly, highlights the global reach Metallica have. 
“Holier Than Thou” takes up the third portion of the album and this kicks off with BIFFY CLYRO and to be fair, they produce quite a quirky, synth-based recording but the novelty sadly wears off as boy does this rendition drag out...you took over five minutes to do a track less than four minutes long. Absolutely no need lads. Spoiled it for yourselves. THE CHATS and OFF! Both drop simultaneous punk-rock covers which, while decent in their own right are put too closely together and it depreciates both their values. COREY TAYLOR then showcases why he is one of the most prominent voices in modern metal as he tears through his own hard rocking rendition; quite raw but with it’s own throw-back, thrash-metal vibe going on. 

Back to more ballad-based territory we find ourselves at “The Unforgiven” and CAGE THE ELEPHANT kick us off with an incredibly stripped back, indie/acoustic cover and the hushed, smoky vocals allow for an even more intimate listening experience, which suit the song quite well really. DIET CIG keep the indie aesthetic going but the New York duo bring a brasher recording to the table and it works just as well. Some of the compilations better covers come here however, as we depart far from what you would perceive Metallica to be, courtesy of FLATBUSH ZOMBIES Feat. DJ SCRATCH. We get a proper old-school hip-hop beat laid in front of us with some classic flows layered around the soft melodic vocal chorus from James Hetfield. This works surprisingly well as a mash up to be fair, it’s impressive. This can also be said for HA*ASH, as the Louisiana-based duo deliver a wonderfully relaxed harmonic clean vocal cover with acoustic, Latin-pop aesthetics giving the track some extra flavour.  
It’s safe to assume that, the most popular tracks will get the most covers as they are going to get the most attention, and as good as the aforementioned have been, if you think of “The Black Album”...you think of “Nothing Else Matters”. The ballad that sent Metallica into the mainstream stratosphere, here, gets a whopping 13 renditions...it’s essentially an album worth of tracks within itself! There’s a LOT to get through here so we’ll focus on some highlights...and we have to start with the one that got all of the attention...starring MILEY CYRUS with ELTON JOHN on piano. Originally scoffed at for her “Wrecking Ball” era output, she’s come on leaps and bounds as a vocal performer, having worked alongside everyone from DOLLY PARTON to BILLY IDOL, and credit to her here, she wraps her smoky voice around this superbly. It’s big, it’s bold, it’s confident, it’s passionate and it WORKS. Forget jumping on bandwagons and all that gubbins, you need to appreciate Miley here as a performer, this is a respect earner for even the die-hards.  

On the other end of the scale then, we get a cover I was myself personally looking forward to, courtesy of DEPECHE MODE vocalist DAVE GAHAN. His sombre rendition is practically haunting as he croons his way through the track, taking it to whole new levels of emotional torment, yet while undeniably sad, its equally undeniably beautiful; I love this. On a side note, it’s rare I highlight instrumentals but, German pianist IGOR LEVIT offers up a sincerely sweet solo piano rendition which could quite easily pass for a lullaby. 
The rest of the compilation consists then of, non-single tracks and while not necessarily less-popular, they are lesser known to mainstream audiences...deeper cuts if you will. These, naturally get sparse recognition in comparison, but they aren’t without their talking points. French vocalist IZIA does well with “My Friend Of Misery”, offering a fuzzy, up-beat electronic-tinged rock offering, despite the slightly awkward chorus transition. IMELDA MAY drops by for a quick cover of “The God That Failed” that has quite a deep, bluesy swagger, while TOMI OWO wraps her soft, husky vocals around a delicate version of “Through The Never”. It’s still got guitar presence but it’s got more of an R’n’B flavour. 

Naturally...there are over sixty tracks here, you must be thinking, surely there has to be some absolute crap littered throughout the compilation? I have to say, you would be absolutely correct. JUANES idea of “Enter Sandman” is like, he is first trying to learn THAT riff for the first ever time...it is SO jerky and dissected it detracts from the feeling of the song entirely. ROYAL BLOOD’s cover of “Sad But True” is no more than a straight-up cover with little additional character, which results in a pretty boring listen quite frankly. CHASE & STATUS with BACKROAD GEE drop this god-awful mumble-rap, grime-inspired take on “Wherever I May Roam”...I suggest you roam as far away from this as physically possible, and then defy physics and roam further. This is abysmal. Sadly, another disappointment comes courtesy of THE HU. The Mongolian throat-metal traditionalists deliver a cover of “Through The Never” in, I GUESS their native language, with some native instrumentation. It gives the track some interesting character with fresh sounds, but you lose all of the sing-along qualities here. This might be nit-picking but, it’s lacking in it’s own ways. 

Overall, over the course of this, playlist essentially, there is a noticeably distinct lack of rock and metal, and really that’s probably by design. The artists that have contributed that have kept to these genres, haven’t really brought anything new to the table and those covers in question have been really quite run of the mill...it’s the diversity of artists that Metallica were looking to showcase and they have undeniably delivered on that front. A lot of these vocalists have injected fresh ideas into thirty-year-old classics by utilising their own inspirations, backgrounds, ideas and flavours, creating a genuinely creative cocktail menu with just twelve original songs to work with. Metallica fans might not appreciate this 100%, most still living in their tight stonewashed jeans, patch-laden battle jackets and downing warm cases of beer...a bit like GNAR KILL fans I guess, (James Hetfield is Hell Boy confirmed) but for anyone curious about the legacy of this album, and have nearly six hours to kill, it’s worth a listen...I guess? [7] 
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Cathedral In Flames - "Hang Me High & Bury Me Deep"

9/9/2021

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Ok so... back at the end of 2019, transitioning into January 2020, you may remember I kicked off the new year with a piece of Prague-based modern post-punk, courtesy of a band by the name of CATHEDRAL IN FLAMES. They contacted me about their then new EP “Children Of The Blackest Hole”, asking for a review consideration, and if you recall, I praised their nostalgic, raw take on the genre and nods to icons like FIELDS OF THE NEPHILIM. 

Typically, regardless of the review itself (Be it positive or not so much) any band in question tends to say their thankyou’s for listening, for taking my time to write about their record etc, there will be the social media sharing, and that’s that...we move on... not Cathedral In Flames. I have to give them the utmost credit here as, for my time and kind words, they not only shipped me a vinyl copy of the EP, but the collectors coffin case with USB edition EP and commemorative lighter. The lighter even came with a mini cardboard Cathedral to set fire to! (The Cathedral is still in-tact by the way). This was one of the sweetest things they could have done...and I hate it. 

Alright so I don’t hate it, I was genuinely grateful, but now it puts me under a spot of pressure, as we catch up with them having released their debut album; “Hang Me High & Bury Me Deep”. Do I find any excuse under the desert Sun to panegyrize their latest release out of a sense of duty, or even guilt...or do I stay true to myself and take it on the face value like Little Caprice? I can’t believe I just googled “Top Czech Republic Porn Actresses” for the sake of an analogy. Anyway...let’s check it out and hopefully there will be no burying required. 

We open up with “Twilight Of The Goths” which looks to be a little take on Richard Wagner’s “Götterdämmerung”, or, “Twilight Of The Gods”; an Opera from the late 1800’s. The Opera itself was a German translation of the old Norse tale of Ragnarok, and the wars which ended in the cataclysmic destruction of the world. Will the track replicate such fantastical drama? Well it’s dramatic I’ll give you that much...the percussion and guitars here carry ample dark tones, with subtle synths, and the instrumentation takes more of a back seat for the dual vocals on display. Phil Lee Fall still has his well-gravelled tone that channels the likes of Nephilim, but while accompanied by the cleaner, clearer notes of Ambra Von Bernstein, gives this a more, SISTERS OF MERCY inspired flavour. Love us or hate us, we are the Goths, we don’t care. It’s a mission statement and a decent start. 

Next up we have promotional track “Black Train”...which, following on from the prior EP’s “Red Car”, makes we wonder if next time we’ll get a cover of “Yellow Submarine”? I digress. The track is more of the same, gritty, deep rumbling post-punk, utilizing all of the classic tropes of the genre, acting like a bit of a time capsule essentially. The chorus here has a simple yet effective hook, and overall it’s another fine track. Speaking of transportation, we also have “Drinking In The Car” which, listen folks, isn’t specifically drink driving, so I’ll allow it. It’s got a distinctly more, country-inspired, bluesy guitar twang to it, with the backing vocal harmonies creating an incredibly Western vibe. Is the car a saloon? Cars weren’t invented yet my friend...you may have been drinking on your horse. 

“Blame It To The Pain” then harbours a similar vibe to “Black Train” in it’s nostalgic approach and gentle chorus hooks for another album highlight, before we get into the rest of the album. Aside from a further stab at the previous EP’s title track, we get “Dia De Los Muertos” which is, of course, “Day Of The Dead” and put primary focus here on Ambra’s soft vocals for an audible departure in style. There’s more of an elegance to this track and while unexpected here, could be very well capitalized on for future releases. The title track, aka “Desperado” again blends together those early Gothic rock tendencies with semi-Western aesthetics to really hammer home the character of this bands style and sound, but at over 8-minutes long takes longer than a stare-down at high noon...which brings us to “1989”.  
​
Not only the year I was born, but the year the film, “High Noon” was put into the first US batch of historically protected movies with cultural relevance...and the name of the worst song on this album. Don’t get me wrong, every Gothic album deserves some sort of piano ballad...on the assumption that, that album has Ville Valo on vocals. Phill here, has such a depressed , sometimes warbled baritone, it invokes near legit sadness in the listener. This is like when JOHNNY CASH performed “Hurt”...or, like, the final moments of IAN CURTIS. Even the most effrontery of emo’s will hold their emaciated limbs up to that and be like “Dude, cheer up”. 

While Cathedral In Flames have maintained their core sound and overall style, continuing to pay homage to the grandfathers of Goth as we know it, they’ve not been afraid to dabble a little here and there with different instrumental approaches, and it’s hasn’t fired on all cylinders for them on this occasion. I know I’m mentioning “1989” again, but that should have been given to Ambra. The Goth rock is fine where it’s been presented, but the other bits need some refining. This is really neither hung high or buried deep...more, stuck in the stocks being hit with the occasional gammy cabbage waiting for another chance. [5] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/CATHEDRALINFLAMES
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Fear Incorporated - "Of Nightmares And Strychnine"

7/9/2021

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“A macabre musical journey into the heart of darkness” ...while this could, and really should quite frankly, be the tagline for this blog (The way my brain works at least), it’s actually the text that greets you on the homepage of today’s band. FEAR INCORPORATED are an old-school darkwave/post-punk outfit that formed in 2008, but their sound is very much more pre-1988 for all you OG Goth’s out there.  

Co-founded by composer and writer William Westwater, Fear Inc. have also previously included members of DEMENTED ARE GO and the questionably named SEX GANG CHILDREN, and have quite an impressive discography for their thirteen-year career to date, including seven albums and two EP’s. 2021 found them releasing their latest album “Of Nightmares And Strychnine”...with William asking me to check it out a fair while back, which, I never got around to...sorry! Let’s rectify that shall we? 

The album opens up with “The Mesmerist” and by definition this should ideally capture the listener within some, powerful hypnotic mental state, rendering them blissfully catatonic as the music consumes them...or...not. Musically we get a primarily up-beat offering truth be told; light percussion providing a stable foundation for some, zany, quite robotic synths, and plenty of echoing vocal notes. Bar a few brief transitional sections, the track remains fairly repetitive in tone throughout and doesn’t really capture too much attention. 

​“Red Baron” interestingly tackles the subject of one Manfred Von Richthofen, with heaps of apparent adoration. History lesson folks, the Red Baron was a German fighter pilot during the first world war, who between 1916 and 1918, gained not only notoriety, but the respect of his enemies, racking up 80 officially credited air-combat victories. There’s a subtle industrial aesthetic to the track instrumentally, cleverly using the plane’s machine gun fire to simulate percussion, with the engine mirroring the rise and fall in the tracks pitch, while the track reeks of a sense of foreboding, playing into the Baron’s ruthlessness.  

Maintaining the theme of notorious historical figures, we next find ourselves delving into the darkly poetic psyche of one Aleister Crowley, on “Crowley (The Beast)”. With its simplistic yet haunting piano notes, deep, bass-rich synths and Sci-Fi inspired electronica, the whole aura here wonderfully captures Crowley’s occultist tendencies...his magico-religious doctrines were the subject of controversy, backed by his drug experimentation, sexuality and preaching of Thelema, and the track here carries that sense of mystique well.  

The rest of the album continues to explore dark themes on tracks such as “Torquemada”, who during the Spanish Inquisition was responsible for the deaths of a vast number of Jews and suspected witches...”Krampus (Dark Yule)” obviously touches upon the more horrific aspects of paganistic festive traditions, while “Possessed” is simply a wailing, torturous and frankly demonic sounding interlude.  

The overall delivery of the album from a musical standpoint, can sadly come across as a little flat. Despite the atmospherics and creepy production quality, vocally and structurally there is little diversity, and as conceptually interesting as some of these tracks are, none of them truly stand out per se. Fans of classic proto-Goth and early alt. rock will enjoy its traditional sounds, and it’s lyrically intriguing, at times educational even, but nothing truly hooks you here for casual listeners. Maybe try listening to it on the strychnine? No, don’t, I didn’t say that, people are dumb I take it back. Fuck. *Calls my lawyer in preparation* [4] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/FEARINCORPORATED
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Cvlt Ov The Svn - "We Are The Dragon"

21/6/2021

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OK so Summertime is upon us, or, is at least around the corner...perhaps. It’s hard to tell in Wales sometimes to be honest, seriously; it’s Wales, not ‘whales’, we don’t require this much water so regularly so can you please stop raining? I jest it’s been pretty decent recently, and that is quite possibly because I’ve been privately praying to today’s band; CVLT OV THE SVN. No, I haven’t had a stroke, that’s how it’s presented (Obviously it’s Cult Of The Sun) and I will say right now that they are personally, one of my favourite discoveries in recent memory. 

Hailing from Finland, because of course they do...all my favourite bands do...it’s a project shrouded in a sense of mystique and intrigue, as the ensemble wishes to explore the darkness with a sense of macabre, theatrical flair on their debut album “We Are The Dragon”. Released on NAPALM RECORDS, let's see just how these darkest of stars can brighten up your summer playlists. 

​The album appropriately kicks off with the title track and we’re met with a surprisingly up-beat, jovial guitar tone...this is a lot more melodic than expected but there are zero complaints with that. I had a similar experience with GHOST’s debut album; expecting some brutally dark doom metal but getting some kind of deeper, BLUE OYSTER CULT type effort. Seriously the song structure here revels in its simplicity but it’s an effective hook, which is in turn countered by the sinister, snarling vocals. Honestly, it's like the DANHAUSEN of rock songs; very nice...very evil. It meanders pleasantly enough and gets the album underway in an interesting and unexpected manner, but it’s all good. 

Follow up track “My Venom” takes things down an admittedly darker path...the initially twangy guitar leads into some seriously atmospheric, intense instrumentation, before we blend elements of thrashy punk with chilling alt-rock. We soon realise that the vocals here don’t necessarily have a lot of range or depth, as we find ourselves sticking fast to a husky, raspy delivery. While it would be fine to chastise the lack of diversity, the style is effective enough to carry the tracks, and it gives them and in turn this entire album, it’s character. 

Having established the general approach for the record, we can easily appreciate that from here on it just goes from strength to strength, with several notable highlights. “Luna In The Sky Forever” in ways reminds me of the aforementioned Ghost with its catchy electronic-tinged bassline and simple, synth-laden groove. “Don’t Be Tender Love Me Cruel” has a slower, more methodical pace that allows emphasis on the emotive guitar tones, which, coupled with the self-depreciative lyrical drawl, creates a sultry, almost masochistic offering. 

If it’s up-tempo you want then this bunch of cvlts have you covered too, as album highlight “Twilight” luckily has absolutely nothing to do with Stephanie Meyer. Nary a sparkling vampire in sight, we get a fantastically infectious dose of punk-tinged hard rock with more hooks than Leatherface’s lady-pantry. At its core, the up-tempo bass riff and simplistic chugging could be mistaken for something by, RISE AGAINST or BAD RELIGION, before the darker characteristics kick in. This is a great track. “Hellbound” keeps things nice and intense with some initially pummelling percussion and another dose of deeply self-depreciating lyrics... ”My mind is an endless well of negative thoughts...in its prime; shows me no remorse”. Relatable fam. “Whore Of Babylon” is then equally relatable (Can I get a H’oooohhhhhhhh Yeahhh from all my fellow sluts? I’m kidding...I’m KIDDING!) but the blackened metal flurry can’t help but raise more than a few horns. 

In terms of alternative music, Cvlt Ov The Svn have seemingly cherry picked some quality influences stylistically for this debut. There’s a sprinkle of black metal and gothic imagery, there’s a brilliantly fun, punk-esque hard rock quality to a lot of the instrumentation, there are almost doom inspired atmospherics and it’s all wrapped up with an almost pop music production quality, and it works perfectly! These Finns have dropped what is personally, a contender for the album of the year in my eyes and ears...believe me, I am a dragon too, and I’ve got one on my flag to fucking prove it! [9]​
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/CVLTOVTHESVN
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Eurovision 2021: I'm Not 'UK' (I Promise)

30/5/2021

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As you should all be well aware by now, I have a great fondness for the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST. It is a song contest the likes of which, the world has never seen the likes of which, aside from the past sixty odd years or so...but I digress. 2020 saw the contests cancellation due to the Covid pandemic; the first time in history such a thing has occurred, and though while despite still having the junior version at the tail end of the year, when lockdowns and such gradually eased up, 2020 was lacking in more than just social interaction...I didn’t get to enjoy a night of roasting the final via my Twitter feed in real time. Alas, there was always going to be 2021 right? Right? 

As expected, the 2021 contest did take place, on May 22nd in Rotterdam, making up for last year’s unprecedented situation, by technically allowing the Netherlands to become the first nation to host two consecutive contests. Asterisk here of course. Nevertheless, all was looking promising, until I found out that one of my newest favourite bands, IST IST, were performing a socially distanced show in Manchester on the very same night! Having not been to a gig since 2019, and having not seen my good friend James in that exact same time...I committed a cardinal sin, and attended the gig with him instead of watching Eurovision. Forgive me father, or, spank me daddy, delete as applicable? Either way I’m going to make up for it. 

While we all now know the results, posthumously if you will regarding how dead in the water the UK are, I’ll be taking a look at the grand finalist's songs, and questioning both how and why the UK finished last with the dreaded nil poi...so what better place to start, than the UK’s song itself. JAMES NEWMAN was our 2021 entry with a track called “Embers”. The London based singer/songwriter has been called “James Nil-Man" following the result, but is the mockery justified? Granted it’s quite the safe track in terms of tone and delivery...it’s got a very Summery vibe with its brass-fuelled dance-pop, smoky vocals and up-beat rhythm. It’s the kind of track I’d expect to hear on Radio 1 or some random YouTube holiday advert. Is it awful? No absolutely not. Is it a musical masterpiece, a misunderstood work of genius, ahead of its time? Likewise, no, it’s a generic, run-of-the-mill dance pop effort, but should have at LEAST garnered SOME points with the average Joe...so what went wrong? 
If the UK were at the very bottom of the pile with zero points, who was at the top? The answer, is Italy this year, and slap my ass with a stale ciabatta they entered a rock song?! The group MÅNESKIN won the 2021 contest with the track “Zitti E Buoni” and to be fair it was a pleasant surprise. Sure, it was all sung in their native Italian, so I don’t know what the hell was being said, but the track had a solid groove and housed a smooth, classic rock aesthetic which was about as expected as their victory...aka...it wasn’t. I find this amusing in ways as, here in the UK, despite frankly birthing most of the world's greatest rock bands going as far back as the 60’s, rock and alternative music is generally shunned by the mainstream here in favour of the kind of disposable dance pop we entered, funnily enough. Karma perhaps? Actually, don’t get me started on the charts, pile of bollocks.  

So, we came last, and an unexpected rock song came first...not like, a LORDI level effort with all the costumes and gimmicks, but, an actual straight up rock song...but there were still a further 24 countries that finished above us, surely, we weren’t THE worst track out of all twenty-six nations? Germany’s entry JENDRIK came one place above us with “I Don’t Feel Hate” and it rather awkwardly combined ukulele with up-beat whistling and folk-pop, before some sporadic, jazzy breakdowns. While inoffensive, it was musically jarring as it switched styles and for that alone, it was IMO, worse than ours.  
Spain didn’t do a great deal better with their entry “Voy A Quedarme” by BLAS CANTÓ, and really speaking it’s one of those generic soft piano ballads that the contest has been renowned for in recent years. Totally innocuous, if I were live tweeting this after several beverages, I’d probably be saying his name translates as bland cunt but, there we go. Host nation Netherlands did fairly poorly themselves as JEANGU MACROOY only managed 23rd with his track “Birth Of A New Age” ...the soft Afro-pop / reggae-pop offering speaking of lots of rebellion probably irked several juries as it’s MEANT to be a non-political show, but we all know how true that isn’t. Different, but, better than ours? Questionable. 

What about some of the better results then? Who or what was deemed to be more favourable by both the judges and voting public? GO_A were back representing the Ukraine here following what was arguably my favourite entry from last year; “Solovey”. The new track, “Shum”, might not have the same infectious quality to it, but in a different sense it retains a very catchy, up-beat characteristic that grows over the track's duration. The folk pop, oompah-gypsy style with flutes, coupled with some deep, electronic production allows for a fascinating culture crossover, and the group themselves have grown in confidence massively. The track rises and rises in intensity building to a wonderful crescendo, leading up to some classic, mid-90's Tatanka-esque native war-cry type shit. How many chops can you do, in 2:52? That’s an ad-break questionarium for OSW! 
Having mentioned LORDI earlier, I have to mention Finland as it’s a country I always keep an eye out for, having personally voted for the likes of SAARA AALTO in recent years, and this year was no exception... had it not been for the fact I didn’t watch the live final! BLIND CHANNEL entered their track “Dark Side” and it was a wonderfully melodic nu-metal inspired effort, rich in riffs, swagger-fuelled rap-tinged vocals, gang vox and all of the middle fingers in the air. Any regular readers who like, say, HACKTIVIST or HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD would have lapped this up, fantastic stuff, this certainly would have had my vote. Adopt me Finland, please?  

​Last year's favourite, Iceland, re-entered DADI FREYR with the new track “10 Years” and again, another case of growth in confidence...the track this year is no less catchy or fun with its funk-rich delivery but it’s a lot smoother and really vibes, this track did understandably well for 2020’s unofficial winner. France is pretty renowned for scoring poorly, so for them to finish second this year was surprising...especially as their entry “Voila” by BARBARA PRAVI was no more than a dramatic, string/piano ballad fit for a theatrical ballet, we’re talking niche genre trappings here, but it did well. Might sell some Peugeots in the future, but, it’s not for me.  
Not even star-power can help some countries however, as FLO RIDA, of all people, joined SENHIT and San Marino of all places...they must have spent their entire GDP on his guest vocals on “Adrenalina” to finish 22nd...brilliant economic investment, you just voted for a nation to starve. Belgium then represents with a wonderfully bluesy number that references JOHHNY CASH, so credit to HOOVERPHONIC and their track “The Wrong Place”, which fittingly brings us full circle to describe the UK; we finished in the wrong place. Now don’t get me wrong, my ears and probably opinions differ from, well, clearly the millions of people who vote on the world's biggest song contest, but I’m not rallying for a pro-UK movement, or being overly patriotic in the face of defeat; I’m simply suggesting the UK didn’t deserve to come last, let alone get no points whatsoever. 

​Having not seen who gave who what points this year, I can’t comment on the usual and typical “neighbour” voting system you tend to notice, not that the contest is meant to be political as stated, and this could in ways be backed by Italy’s unexpected winning rock track. But, given the farce that was the whole Brexit vote, with the UK government essentially lying to the British public, and then continuing to make themselves look like an absolute bunch of bell ends; making demands to the EU, it’s easy to see why, when it comes to the UK, a performers talent and song quality clearly means very little. We as a nation, are looked upon as outsiders, and frankly blanked by a tight-nit European collective...and we have the government to thank for that. Was our entry ever a winning song? Doubtful, don’t get me wrong, but zero points is more of a statement to us as Brits as it is a fair reaction to our performance in Rotterdam. It might only be a silly song contest to many, but it’s got history, it’s a cultural phenomenon, and we haven’t won it since 1997...and the way things are going, we’ll be lucky to win it by 2097. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to snort some coke with that dude from Italy...allegedly.  
BUY ALL YOUR OFFICIAL EUROVISION MERCH HERE
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Recluse - "Lay Your Darkness Down With Me"

25/4/2021

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Stonehenge... Göbekli Tepe... Dot Cotton; all ancient wonders steeped in rich cultural history, going back centuries, even millennia. Or, you could just say; old as fuck. Naturally you may be wondering where I’m going with THIS segue... am I about to veer off into some, Neolithically geographical Ted Talk? Am I about to roast June Brown for pretending to run a laundrette into her 90’s knowing damn well the next spin cycle might outlive her? I jest...and I exaggerate.  

Today we’re going to be taking a fresh look at a Welsh band by the name of RECLUSE. You see, I’ve known front-man Britt several years now, and that’s where the intro to this review came from. He messaged me recently asking how things were, and that he’d like to get my thoughts on the band's newest album, seeing as I’d been part of their journey since their debut...he said that I felt at least a small part in their continued story, which to be honest was quite sweet.  

I do indeed remember championing their debut album “Crooked Heart”, but when I went to back-read my thoughts on it here for references, I realised that it actually pre-dates this entire blog! My first GTGC blog post was in 2014, yet I was playing Recluse on my old radio show back in 2011/2012! In the words of Mike Bracken; “Christ I’m Old!”. With that said, let's roll back the years and dust off the cobwebs as we check out “Lay Your Darkness Down With Me”... 

We open up with the track “Stomah”, and like any normal person, I found myself Googling the word to get some context as to what the track could mean conceptually, but the results drew more blanks than the infertile department of your local sperm bank. Naturally I ask Britt what the story was, and the reply? It’s a spelling mistake from Kurt Cobain’s journal, talking about his debilitating stomach cramps, that has nothing to do with the actual songs content itself. For fuck's sake Britt. I digress...the track itself is a fine slab of fuzzy guitar and bass that pushes and enhances his rough and ready vocals; combining the early 90’s grunge aesthetic with more stoner rock and sludge elements, and it’s a fine opener. 

Follow up track “You Get Out Alone” retains this approach with the deeper, rumbling bass complimenting the higher vocal notes. This more powerful, prominent vocal performance gives the track a far more positive energy, almost channelling the likes of SOUNDGARDEN for example, really coming to life towards the tracks climax. Album highlight “Throat” then takes things back down a notch, returning to their more stoner rock influences and there are moments here that could easily befit a QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE setlist. It’s got a solid groove and the distortion and muffling on the guitars again adds ample character; not to be mistaken for lack of production quality or recording cost-cutting...this gives the track a raw, visceral sound that works wonderfully for their stylistic delivery. This wouldn’t sound anywhere near as good too crisp or overly produced.  

“The Quiet Hours” by contrast slows things right down, to more of that sludge-heavy style for a truly moody, brooding piece of alternative rock, that wouldn’t be out of place on the soundtrack to “The Crow”, and is every as bit as enjoyable as the aforementioned, despite coming from opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of delivery. That’s just one half of the album mind you...as Recluse also indulge in several spots of prog inspired writing. “Werewolves” disappoints slightly as I was expecting some bestial savagery to rip through my speakers and maul me with an intense flurry of riffs and percussion, but it’s drawn-out instrumental intro somehow manages to bridge the likes of DEFTONES with the earliest of CKY days, before some very subdued vocals bring the expectations down even further. 

The main issues here however, come from two tracks taking up nearly thirty minutes of the album's hour and three-minute run time...and how they drag. “Olympus” being the longest of the tracks here initially starts off interestingly enough, like it’s about to veer off into some bluesy country-rock, but soon descends into an extended piece of everything we’ve heard prior, and like its name suggests, is a mountain to listen to if you're lacking in the old attention department. Closing track “Le Rose Hotel” then isn’t AS long but is arguably the weakest track on the record. Another needlessly long instrumental intro makes you wonder if they were given a target of how long the albums run-time needed to be, as this is literally nothing but pointless filler at this point. We’re over eight minutes in actually and I’ve not heard a single word...remind me to never stay here, I don’t care what offers I’m presented with on Booking.com! 

Ultimately, Recluse have proven again that when they put their mind to it, they provide some of the finest modern era grunge going, keeping those sounds of the early to mid-nineties very much alive. They’ve shown growth over their three-album career to date and continue to expand their sound, though while the lengthy prog-inspired cuts aren’t for this particular reviewer, there’s definitely an audience for it and it’s a solid recording nevertheless. [6] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/RECLUSEUK
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Herr Nox - "Where Shadows Fade"

31/1/2021

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Happy new year everybody! OK, OK, we’re well into the year already and we’re well-passed all of that rigmarole, but we all needed some down time, right? I mean, I did! Let’s be honest here 2020 was an utter clusterfuck...if any calendar year can trigger mental health issues, it’s the one we’ve just had; it can’t possibly get MUCH worse can it? (2021 that is NOT a challenge so don’t even think about it!) …but despite being somewhere between a nihilist and a pessimist myself, I have to at least TRY to look forward to potentially more positive things, and who knows, that MIGHT even filter through into my reviews! 

We ended 2020 with a review of FLOVER’s newest record, light-heartedly mocking their blatant borrowing of HIM’s style and sound yet championing a fresh dose of alternative, romantic dark pop. It ended the year on a high note, and we hope to transition those wholesome good vibes into my first review of the new year. Let me introduce to you HERR NOX. The Canadian project made their debut with the album “Stargazer” in 2018, where they effectively blended electronic synth-wave with darker alternative rock elements, and it was a fine dose of melodic melancholy. Just before Christmas, they got in touch with me, asking me to check out their up-coming sophomore release “Where Shadows Fade” …scheduled to drop February 5th. With that said, let’s forgo the formalities and give this a listen, and get 2021 underway with a positive outlook! 

We open up with a track called “Doomsday” …really? Guys, I was meant to be kicking off the year with something positive, something encouraging...but no, you’ve got to go and throw the end of the world in my face straight out of the starting blocks. Well done. The track is the first of a handful of collaborations with Norwegian musician Jorgen Munkeby, who’s worked with a plethora of established metal musicians so we’re seemingly in good hands...it’s got an initially hushed introduction; soothing, meandering keys and subtle pulsing electronic bass, and it allows for a cold, brooding opening, before we descend into a flurry of pretty generic off-kilter guitars and uninspired vocals. It went from atmospheric to anticlimactic a bit quickly if you ask me and lets you down following the minute and a half intro. 

The title track follows up and it’s a full-blown case of the opposites. The jarring off-kilter percussion starts us off with some intense sax playing, and seemingly leads us into some progressive jazz, before transitioning into some more laid-back melodic rock, and the more subtle Goth aesthetics appear more prominently over the course of the track. As jarring as the intro was, this track works far more effectively, emoting better vocally and tonally resulting in a far smoother listen believe it or not...if you can ignore the saxophones like. It works for GHOST and ELECTRIC SIX but don’t push it y’know? Luckily, we’re then greeted to album highlight “Black Butterfly” featuring LINDSAY SCHOOLCRAFT and it’s a welcome dose of straightforward alt. Goth. Given the hard rock core sound with accompanying synths and tight solo, clean vocals and presentation, as weird as this may sound it’s like, a cross between TOOL and KILL HANNAH. Either way I’m not complaining, I like this. 

Elsewhere tracks like “Kiss The Butchers Hand” highlight the blend of frosty electronica and progressive post-rock tendencies, as the track utilises both in a wonderfully climactic fashion. The semi-whispered male vocals mirror artists such as TIAMAT, reinforcing that Gothic vibe, and again it works well. “Heads Will Roll” sadly isn’t a cover of the YEAH YEAH YEAH’S but the synth-driven hard rock works well and in places it’s got elements of peak MARILYN MANSON, resulting in a bold, energetic listen. Sadly, whatever is left of the album fails to truly inspire. 

Schoolcraft returns for “The Art Of Noise & Silence” and while atmospherically moody, the spoken word segments detract from the track, however brief. It’s got a subtle avant-garde approach, ever so slightly bridging classic goth with light prog for an ultimately slow, deep, anti-ballad. “Gotta Light” then incorporates more of that spoken word in its intro, alongside more of that softcore porn sax and ultimately becomes an instrumental. The sax here does work better than previously mentioned, but in regards to the tracks title, this is like going to the smoking area of the club, pulling out an overpriced non-branded Marlboro, and, have you got a light? No. You loser. You look around, everyone is busy, chatting with friends, so you just stand there, with an unlit cigarette, you contemplate asking for a light, but your self-esteem is through the floor, and so you don’t ask, you hope someone notices and offers you flame, but they don’t, so you stand there awkwardly, craving, until you just go back inside unfulfilled, and feeling as sad as these saxophones sound. Was that bleak? Good, because that sums up this instrumental. 

Overall, artistically, Herr Nox have taken the darkest aspects of their debut and expanded upon them, ramping up the Gothic elements, allowing the synths and guitars to flow like black velvet. It’s neither an improvement or a disappointment, they’ve merely altered their course creatively and there’s plenty of promise here to be fair. This black butterfly just needs to emerge from its Canadian cocoon, as I’m sure it has plenty of dark beauty to share with the world, just give it time. [5] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/HERRNOXOFFICIAL
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GavTheGothicChav: The Best Of 2020

3/1/2021

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What is there to say about 2020, that hasn't already been said? Within these reviews over the past nine months I've light-heartedly made reference to issues like Covid-19 and such, but let's not detract from the seriousness of the whole situation. As a calendar year, 2020 was one of the most difficult, frustrating, upsetting and confusing in recent history, and this isn't strictly down to Coronavirus...this time last year we were on the brink of World War 3! Politics has been a shambles, social injustice has been rife, the divide in both community spirit and the classes seemingly continues to grow, and generally speaking, the world is a complete mess. Luckily we've had music to keep us going, if not to keep us sane, and for that at least I am grateful. The images above showcase my personal highlights of 2020, grouped in categories covering pop, metal, EP's and general favourites, and it shows that, despite the state of the world, music flourishes. Music and the arts are SO important, as many of us learned during national lockdown, and we need to appreciate the people who dedicated their lives to creating that art SO much, because times like these prove we'd be lost without them. 

I mean, just looking at the cover art above, it's been as diverse a year as any. MILEY CYRUS embraced her inner rocker on her new album, having collaborated with the likes of BILLY IDOL and JOAN JETT. Groups like STEPS made an unexpected comeback showing they've still got it in an ever changing pop industry, as did MELANIE C. From a metal standpoint, PARADISE LOST prove they just get better with age, as they not only released one of the albums of their career, they also found themselves in the UK Top 40! Imagine that! Goth metal on Radio 1! It gives hope to newer acts like SOUTH OF SALEM who delivered a truly stunning debut album, and certify themselves as ones to watch for sure. There have also been plenty of superb EP's released over the past twelve months...especially VV. Ville Valo surprised everyone with his 3-track EP and HIM fans rejoiced at the new material, I for one certainly cannot wait to hear more from him. CHRISTINE AND THE QUEENS put emphasis on the art as their whole EP was turned into one big choreographed music video which was impressive, while I personally made some brilliant discoveries in the form of LUCIA & THE BEST BOYS and JACKIE. 

Finally then, my official albums of the year, and I was spoiled for choice to be fair. THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE always deliver, they never release a bad album and I'm looking forward to catching up with Chibi on the rescheduled tour dates. MARILYN MANSON dropped his best album in years much to my delight, having found his last couple a little bit boring (Sorry Mazza!), GREY DAZE tugged at the heartstrings with a touching tribute to the late Chester Bennington, releasing unheard material from his pre-LINKIN PARK days, reminding us all how much we'll miss such a talented, brilliant human being. NINJA SEX PARTY on the other hand proved they remain one of the funniest groups around with their bonkers writing style, comedic lyricism and story-telling and wholesome attitude. Yes, 2020 has been a bit of a mess to say the least, but we've still got music, and as fans of that music, we've still got one another, and as a community, we need to hold on to that. With that said, below, is my official GTGC Spotify playlist of 2020, with 40 hand-picked tracks spanning the above records, and it is dedicated to my very good friend Scot 'JD' Rees, who is sadly no longer with us in body, but will forever be with us in heart and spirit. Whether he had a Jack & Coke in his hand, or his guitar, he was always laughing at something, and his energy for enjoyment was infectious. I will miss you Scot, and this compilation is for you. X
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Flover - "Songs Of Our Broken Hearts"

29/12/2020

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The end of the calendar year; a period of time this reviewer looks forward to annually. Not because of Christmas and the time-off work (Although the time-off is wonderful) and not because of the festive indulgence, because let’s face it I don’t need an excuse to drink, but because of the annual Winter Goth Getaway.  You may be thinking, what the hell is that? Is there some sort of alternative event that’s slipped under my radar?  

No... it’s basically myself and a group of friends, getting together every Winter, for a select live music adventure. Last year we hit London for the one-off UK date by THE 69 EYES, as well as hitting Bristol for the RXPTRS X-Mas bash...while in previous years we’ve been up and down the country to catch HIM, CKY and FIELDS OF THE NEPHILIM. It’s become a tradition and a whole lotta fun...that was until Covid ruined everything. This year, my friends and I didn’t get to go to any special Winter gigs, meet awesome new people and get ludicrously drunk, resulting in Christmas this year being a little less black...and I won't stand for that. We need some Goth damnit! And I may just have a solution. 

​Cast your mind back to 2017, and I reviewed an interesting band by the name of FLOVER. The Italian/Russian project comprising of Fabio and Kolya respectively, had released their debut album “Dark & Sweet”, and you’ll remember I made sure to point out that they more than borrowed a lot of sound and substance from the aforementioned HIM, even going as far as naming their sound “Sweet Rock” in homage to “Love Metal”. While I jested that, imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery but identity theft is a crime, it was impossible to not appreciate their sound and style in the absence of a recently separated HIM. 2020, the bonkers year that it’s been, finds them releasing their follow-up album “Songs Of Our Broken Hearts”. Let's check it out and salvage whatever goth we can... 

​The album opens up with “Secret Romance” ...it’s a bit like Secret Santa, but you already know what it is...HIM. The sultry piano-led dose of rock easily lends itself to the earlier demo-days of “Razorblade Romance”, especially with the underlying, faint synths sounding like they’ve been inspired by “Too Happy To Be Alive”, coupled with the guitar tone and key changes...this is certainly pink era HIM, and a decent start as a result. At this point we may as well start playing Heartagram Bingo...but instead of numbers we’ll be looking for riffs, song structures, vocal harmonies and parodies. Eyes down folks, we’re playing for a full house... 

“Love Beyond Death” starts with some heavier guitar work initially and it’s quite “Venus Doom”, but the chorus melodies soon kick in and it sounds more akin to something taken out of the “Screamworks...” sessions. The chugging riff is balanced nicely with the more delicate piano and the vocal crooning, and it all blends well truth be told. The albums first real highlight comes courtesy of “Love’s Scarecrow” which for all intents and purposes is a pretty straightforward track; simple structure and decent chorus hooks, but it comes to life with an impressive albeit brief solo and the track has this wonderfully energetic, climactic crescendo. 

“The Kiss Of Death” is clearly a take on “Kiss Of Dawn” not only from a titular standpoint, but even in vocal tone and sonic structure...it only slightly differs in tempo and even the wailing, scratchy guitar solo mirrors Linde’s playing on “Venus Doom”...there’s a couple for your bingo card! Speaking of...”Stay With You”...for a moment I honestly thought I’d skipped an album and started playing HIM’s cover of THE RAMONES “Poison Heart”! That opening riff is practically the same! They’re parodying other bands covers of other bands now, we’re getting too deep here, this is some inception type shit. It’s going to get to a point where riffs and musicianship aren’t enough...I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them does an Ed Gein and wears Ville Valo’s skin. I jest, of course. “Lost Souls” takes our mind off this with another simple yet effective chorus hook, even though the pre-chorus more than teases hints of “Dying Song” in delivery, but it’s an enjoyable track, before the title track goes all “When Love And Death Embrace” ...and this once again sums up our listen. 

While I can sit here and scoff at the obvious likenesses to our favourite infernal majesties, and joke about plagiarism, in HIM’s absence, Flover do a great job of keeping that bittersweet sound of romantic melancholy alive. Sure, Ville Valo did surprise everyone this year with a three-track EP, teasing more work to come at some point, but all of that is very minimal and secretive. If you lack the patience for that, Flover offer a more than adequate substitute for Valo himself, and I’m sure you can find it in the depths of your blackest heartagram to appreciate the appreciation they have for the band we all love. After all, these ARE songs for our broken hearts. [7] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/FLOVERSWEETROCK
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    Gavin J Griffiths, a.k.a GavTheGothicChav, lover of new music and supporter of bands. Inspired by a mixture of horror and comedy, and fueled by a blend of alcohol and sarcasm...if you're a singer / in a band and would like a review written up, please do get in touch via the email address at the top of the page and I'll get back to you ASAP. Much love x

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