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GWAR - "The New Dark Ages"

18/6/2022

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The last time we heard from GWAR, the intergalactic horde of phallic, barbaric and comically grotesque humanoids, were celebrating the 30th anniversary, of their breakthrough record “Scumdogs Of The Universe”. (Check out the All About The Rock website here for that review) ...

Now, on paper, this seemed like a wonderful idea, as their unique brand of punk-infused hard rock, and gory, splatter-house stage theatrics means a GWAR show can’t go wrong, right? Sadly, not so much. We have to factor in a few key things like, not a sole original founding member continues to play for the band, (Iconic front-man Oderus, portrayed by Dave Brockie, being quite dead is quite note-worthy)... couple this with the fact that, they played their anniversary show to nobody, in the middle of a pandemic, in an empty room over the internet. It was underwhelming at best, and really didn’t do them justice. 

Here, in 2022, with their first new original material since 2017’s “Blood Of The Gods”, GWAR are back with “The New Dark Ages” ...a concept album that accompanies a new graphic novel entitled “GWAR In The Duoverse Of Absurdity”, which finds the band sucked off (You read that right) into an alternate universe, to battle their evil twins. Or, something. Knowing them, they’ll take the term graphic novel far too literally! With that said, let’s enter a new dark age as we hit the play button... 

The album starts off worryingly slowly with the title-track, but I guess it’s doing a job here, setting a tone for the album's narrative as a whole. It’s got a low drone underlying some minimal church bells, before slow, ominous guitar notes and it can be said, that it sounds like it could come from some folkish medieval horror movie. It’s plodding for the most part, quite uninspired, aside from a random autotune vocal fill that comes out of the blue, but it's really quite straightforward.  

Somehow, follow-up track “Blood Libel” manages to sound even more basic, almost lazy. There ARE stoner, sludgy elements sprinkled throughout the track, subtly faint djent qualities, but the riffs and overall instrumentation here are so sporadically delivered in terms of its tempo and structure, it’s like it struggles to find its own momentum. Lyrically? We’ve got 3am orgies, cheese pizza and catholic church baby raping rings all in the space of one verse, I mean, OK? Have they been reading this blog? Did I just self-incriminate? I confess...I like cheese pizza...*cough* 

Gwar are meant to be an energetic, arguably psychotic band of reprobates, with punk-infused stylistics and an eye for social satire, so there must be some fun to be had here somewhere? Luckily the singles have been half-decent. “Mother Fucking Liar” takes things up a slight notch with some decent, groove-laden riff-work. Story-wise, “Berserker Mode” tells of vocalist Blothar rediscovering terrifying old powers to a backdrop of up-tempo, old-school thrashy metal, providing one of the albums earlier highlights. 

“Completely Fucked” has got some frenetic vocal delivery surrounding the chorus, as well as some classic guitar wailing, yet manages to sound quite jovial towards its climax, while “Venom Of The Platypus” utilises an unexpected electronic intro, immediately catching your ear. It has to be said though, only a band as utterly bizarre as Gwar, would sing about a platypus...talk about a fitting spirit animal! It’s a mammal, with a beak, a venom gland on its...feet? Oh, and it lays eggs? God was fucking high again smoking them acacia bushes when he made that one, wasn’t he? 

This is even before we come to “Ratcatcher”. Easily the albums most accessible, arguably catchiest track, it’s got soft rock hooks aplenty in the chorus, despite the lyrical content of children trapped in his basement. It’s a bit stop start with the riff work, and there’s plenty of cowbell, but generally speaking it’s a good foot-tapper of a track; enjoyable enough in its simplicity, but not astounding. It’s something that TURBONEGRO fans may appreciate, it gives off that vibe.  

The rest of the album, over its 15-track run time, does drag a little sadly. “Bored To Death” being so late in the album is ironic as, that’s pretty much how I feel by this point in the grand scheme of things...yet more generic metal. Closing track then “Deus Ex Monstrum” is nothing more than a kick in the bollocks quite frankly. At over ten minutes long, it’s an instrumental that takes forever to get to what sounds like computer glitching, like, it’s meant to represent them traversing between these universes, but in actuality, it reeks of pointlessness.  

For the most part, if you like your metal very run of the mill, and will just happily head-bang your day away with a can of warm Red Stripe, you crack on, you probably don’t even care who this review is about do you? Truthfully, maybe reading the graphic novel will help these tracks mean more, and it’s better off as a packaged concept from a creative standpoint, but as a stand-alone album, this is less GWAR, and more Gwhy? The metal genre wasn’t around in the 1300’s but, this album at times feels just as antiquated, ya’ bunch of musical, alien ronyon’s! [4] 
​

WWW.GWAR.NET
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/GWAR
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Sexblood - "Teach Me To Cry"

4/6/2022

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For a nation the size of the UK, let’s be honest, when it comes to the arts and media, quite specifically music, we’ve been over-delivering forever. I could reel off a plethora of bands, musicians, vocalists and performers from up and down these isles but, I’d be here for days, so, we’re going to just focus on one place in particular; Manchester.  

Now, with that being said, even here I’m going to be skipping a ton of names, because let’s be honest, the HAPPY MONDAYS or TAKE THAT wouldn’t quite fit in with what I’m trying to portray here. We want the melancholy; we want the tortured poets that pioneered genres, and inspired countless kids to pick up instruments. Manchester has these in droves, whether it’s past icons like JOY DIVISION or THE SMITHS...or more recent breakout bands like PALE WAVES and IST IST...Manchester bands love their music and lyricism soaked in misery, as that working-class industrialised backdrop allows for a special kind of up-beat negativity in music. It’s a special place Manchester...and there’s no place quite like it...only...there actually is. 

Baring all of that in mind, today what we’re actually going to be doing, is focussing on a city called Mulhouse, in the Alsace region on far-Eastern France, which, funnily enough, is called “The French Manchester”. I guess you could say, Franchester? Look, I don’t want to risk being stabbed with a baguette, OK? An industrial city practically on Germany’s doorstep we’re that far East, it houses today’s band, and arguably my discovery of the year; SEXBLOOD.  

Saying I’ve discovered sex blood isn’t something I’m comfortable with on the internet, and googling them is questionable at best (The FBI guy spying through my webcam must absolutely hate me) but this group of post-punk / Goth revivalists, consisting of guitarist/vocalist (Also studio drummer) Abel De Beauvoir, synth-maestro Sybil Viola and bassist Demon VI, have unleashed their début album in 2022, entitled “Teach Me To Cry”. The question is, will this review make them cry happy tears? Or tears of utter despair? Let’s find out... 

The album opens up with “Silent Hill” and great, from the word go I’ve got to contend with Pyramid Head? Can I at least finish this review before I get violently butchered to death? I digress...the track begins with a sense of, Eastern-inspired guitar tone, before we delve into the more expected, bass-rich, post-punk aesthetic that could easily come right out of the FIELDS OF THE NEPHILIM / SISTERS OF MERCY textbook. They’ve taken great care to sound not only nostalgic but authentic...not that the band AREN’T but, their sound, it’s so accurate.  

This is only hammered home on follow up track and album highlight number one “Black Rain”, and by highlight number one I mean exactly that; we’ve got plenty to enjoy here. The track itself initially opens with some distortion delay but we soon get straight into those up-beat, 80’s vibes, that easily house the likes of the aforementioned Sisters, but, KILLING JOKE and THE CURE too. From Abel’s deeper vocal drawl, the dance-along vibes of the instrumentation, the combination of jovial keys and light guitar tones with darker, deeper lyrics and a sense of foreboding; this is incredible.  

The only thing stopping this being the albums top track is the outro, with its sort of, B-Movie drama segment, rounding things off. It’s unnecessary, to the point it actively spoils the track. You might think, ok, maybe in the music video it makes sense with the narrative, but no, even that’s black screen and nothingness. They tried something and it didn’t work, but let’s not let that take away from this album as a whole. 

The album’s highlight for sure, has to go to “Sleeping Angel”...which, quite simply gets everything right. The clap-along percussion, the sensual, rhythmic movement of the track as it flows, the positivity in the keys as they pierce the track like the brightest moon on the darkest night, almost guiding the despair, it’s genuinely beautiful and this could easily be at home on any Sisters’ record it’s that good. Tracks like “Soultrap” and “Holodomor” maintain these elements as they balance the depth of Abel’s vocal huskiness in places, with a polished instrumental counter. “Bad Priest” as a closing track is a real up-tempo number, based in mistrust and being let down by those you look up to, but it couldn’t sound any more encouraging and dance-happy if it could. Detrimental to the core message perhaps? Possibly...but it’s catchy as shit. 

​If there’s anything negative to take from this record it’s “Bloodshift”...and that’s purely because, as an instrumental piece, an interlude if you will, it comes out of the blue and somewhat spoils the flow of the album. If anywhere I’d have used it as an intro segue into the album but even then, it’s a nothing-track...  

Ultimately, today we have learned that France has its own Manchester, that faux Manchester has its own post-punk scene and SEXBLOOD are easily at the forefront. To some it may sound dated, but that’s why it’s so damn good! You don’t get many bands peddling these wares nowadays and SEXBLOOD do it effortlessly. This is a nostalgia trip for Gothic genre lovers, and “Teach Me To Cry” brought happy tears to MY eyes...and I’m grateful for losing my SEXBLOOD virginity. Oh wait....Ohhhhh OK I get it. You gone done popped my cherry you French fucks... [9] 

GET "TEACH ME TO CRY" ON BANDCAMP HERE
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/SEXBLOOD
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    Gavin J Griffiths, a.k.a GavTheGothicChav, lover of new music and supporter of bands. Inspired by a mixture of horror and comedy, and fueled by a blend of alcohol and sarcasm...if you're a singer / in a band and would like a review written up, please do get in touch via the email address at the top of the page and I'll get back to you ASAP. Much love x

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