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Spice Girls - "Spice World: 25th Anniversary"

21/12/2022

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Nostalgia, as it has been said, is nothing but a seductive liar, but is that statement true? No, we’re not going into a tirade on how Turkey Twizzlers were ruined by dietarily dicty health-conscious folk (I’m looking at you Jamie Oliver), allowing us to only be able to reminisce of those gloriously greasy school dinners, gagging for that dirty meat...*cough*...we are in fact, going to revisit the SPICE GIRLS.
 
Last year saw the 25th anniversary of “Spice”, the debut album from the English five-piece, (Check out that review here) and we not only applauded their immediate impact on both the music industry AND pop culture, but we legitimately lauded them for the phenomenon they became. Yes, they were manufactured, for a purpose, but manufactured none the less, but nobody could truly have ever predicted how gargantuan “Girl Power” would become. That debut album saw them release five hit singles, and they genuinely did have the music industry, no, the entertainment industry, eating out of the palms of their hands.  

The trouble with this, however, is any level of success to that extent, means all that money and marketing will eventually lead to greed and exploitation. Within the space of twelve months, Baby, Scary, Sporty, Posh and the soulless one (Sorry, Ginger) were already promoting their second album; “Spice World”, as well as full motion picture. Could the girls keep up with the demand? Was there enough gas in the tank to keep this machine running? Well, we’re about to find out...  

Opening track and lead single “Spice Up Your Life” starts things off promisingly to be fair. It carried on from their first album in terms of vibrancy and energy, with a very late nineties sense of futurism. The almost neo-utopian aesthetics of the video, with it’s very monotone, darkly depicted feeling of a coerced cityscape uniformity, is jarring in comparison to the message of the song itself. Over a backdrop of samba-esque rhythmic beats, the girls sing of the joys of variety in every aspect of life from colour, gender and culture, and one can only appreciate how together they are given their gimmicked diversity. It’s their mission statement if you will, and they absolutely deliver. 

Given the impact of their debut, we must expect another fine collection of additional singles too, and the album does have its memorable moments. “Too Much” saw them garner their second consecutive Christmas number one, with the doo-wop inspired slow jam, and its string-led brass rich instrumentation. It was a very sultry piece of pop musically, but lyrically, while on face value it speaks of mixed emotions regarding relations, it almost subliminally refers to their own career. Their direction and relationship with label management, and the juxtaposition of them being everywhere, and yet with that fear of fading too quickly in the public’s eyes and hearts. Wanting a man, not a boy who thinks he can, can easily mean stability in more ways than originally thought, and this is fascinating. 

This itself is a theme carried throughout as tracks like “Stop”, which with its Motown inspired delivery channels both an innocence and passive aggressiveness within its message. Yes, on face value we can look at it as the rushing of a serious relationship; wanting to steady your own ship and enjoy your youthful years, but this can also be a subtle dig at their label, management and the industry as a whole. Talking of their own longevity, or its potential at the very least, acknowledging the very craze they are at the heart of. They sound like they want to slow it down, or even call it a day already. 

No strangers to bangers in the form of ballads however, they dropped “Viva Forever” amidst a shit show of controversy, as the track title had a sense of cruel irony in Ginger’s departure from the group. She was still featured in the song, naturally, and in the admittedly surreal stop-motion animated video for the single, but despite topping the charts once more, with their softly sung harmonies over Spanish guitar, providing a truly emotional piece of pop music, the writing was on the wall. Forever in their legacy maybe, and their place on the record books, but, not as a group. Forget “2 Become 1” ...five very quickly became four... 

There was no immediate worry for the girls themselves commercially, the previous albums singles were still heavily circulated and these new tracks, as well as the aforementioned movie, ensured that their place in pop history was nothing short of cemented. Geri leaving grabbed headlines of course, but this wasn’t the end of the Spice Girls, not at all, and even though other album tracks like “Denying” and “Move Over” were underwhelming, highlighting the apparent burn out felt by the girls, what they left behind was a truly breath-taking legacy.  

For a purposely manufactured, hand-picked, hand-crafted pop group, designed solely to go against the grain, and that grain being a male dominated pop group scene, they overachieved by the bucketload. For those couple of years, the Spice Girls ruled the world, and “Girl Power” inspired and influenced not only people in music like CHARLI XCX and BEYONCE, but generations of girls around the globe to be their true selves. You can’t not respect these ladies, and they belong in the same conversation as ABBA in terms of importance in pop music. Their career as a five piece may have been a flash in the pan, but their name and brand will live on forever.  

Some people will look back and cringe, some with rose tinted glasses, some forget outright, but, we have to admire and acknowledge that, Scary, Baby, Ginger, Posh and yes, Sporty, were your lot...they were the Spice Girls, ready to go, ladies and gents, can we drop the pretence and, admit that we enjoyed their show? [6] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/SPICEGIRLS
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Grant Macdonald - "Ram Ranch"

7/8/2022

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Allow me to preface the following review, with an outpouring of regret, grief, more regret, bewilderment and, a little bit more regret, through a literary veil of self-therapy. There was absolutely zero reason, obligating me to conduct the following review, but, at the same time, there was absolutely EVERY reason that I couldn’t NOT do this review. This is the review equivalent of Hogan v Warrior at WrestleMania VI, but with more baby oil...let me set the stage. 

You know by now that, while I am perfectly capable of writing a decent, or at the very least, serious review, whether here or over on ALL ABOUT THE ROCK, I get my kicks out of the more, unusual and questionable releases available to me. I can point my finger at the likes of, KIM PETRAS, or, going back to COREY FELDMAN; I like a challenge, but this is the sort of thing that can break a man. This can Brokeback Mountain the fuck out of a man...this is “Ram Ranch” by GRANT MACDONALD, and I blame young Charlie Bryant for this 1 hour and 7 minutes of audio torture. Even the inmates at Guantanamo Bay would feel sorry for me here, but, fuck it...saddle up, we’re going in (Dry)… 

Firstly, who IS Grant Macdonald? Little is known about this alleged Canadian, other than that he might be Canadian, and his name might be Grant Macdonald...he’s like the BANKSY of homoerotic cowboy rock. The album we’re tackling today originally came out in 2012, so, aside from being a rare case of retrospective reviewing from me, we’ve had a decade to process, and at times, begrudgingly accept “Ram Ranch”. It’s been used as pro-LGBTQ+ content in protests and rallies, and over its existence it became a running meme and an ongoing source of absurdity. To this day Grant has apparently released SIX HUNDRED variants of “Ram Ranch”, which is frankly both impressive and alarming. Dude has a passion, what can I say? With that said, the only way is down, as we process this piece of... art? 

The album opens up with the title track, and, we initially have a dose of rather subdued heavy metal instrumentation, with all of the riffs, licks and kick drums. I say subdued because it’s practically background noise. On a production level, it’s like a demo in terms of audio quality, but the capability is there, that in itself is promising...but it’s the vocal content that draws attention here.
 


Allow me to set the tone lyrically; “18 naked cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch, big hard throbbing cocks wanting to be sucked, 18 naked cowboys wanting to be fucked? Cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch on their knees wanting to suck cowboy cocks; Ram Ranch really rocks!”. This is the primary content of the track from start to finish, and it’s the absurdity of this that, at first, makes it mildly amusing and, quite distressing simultaneously. The worst bit? The spoken-word over metal sounds like, CHILLS, arguably THE WORST YouTube narrator in the history of the internet, got a record deal. The repetition and looping of track one IS painful, sure, but we have 11 tracks left. Even my Jack Daniel’s needs a Jack Daniel’s... 
 
Second track “Plowboy” has such a reverberated overlay of vocal samples, it becomes an absolute trippy mess from the moment it starts, with some, moog-esque synths, setting the tone for some almost 70’s porn rock sleaze. It’s the kind of thing to make your eye twitch, which one all depends on you and your tastes, I’m not here to discriminate. 

Next up we have, “Cowboys Fucking Cowboys” and, you remember when KID ROCK was like, “I wanna’ be a Cowboy baby!”? Yeah, we’re going to shatter his dreams right now. The gentle acoustics here could easily, EASILY be used for a more serious, affectionate country ballad, but there’s so much lyrical cowboy fucking here, riding butthole’s deep...it’s like...you know when ROGER ALAN WADE did “If You’re Gonna’ Be Dumb” for JACKASS, but instead of a montage of stunts, it was gay porn...that about sums it up. 
 
“Prince Harry” returns abruptly to that riff-heavy metal musicality, and it’s a wonder how the ever-loving fuck he got away with this one. I don’t know if this would be art, slander, or character assassination, but telling him to ride those big hard ram ranch cowboy cocks, bouncy, bouncy up and down, up and down, drink that cum, ram another cock up your royal bum? I don’t even know where the line is legally with this. I think of Harry now, in 2022, but this was ten years ago, ok Harry was still 28 at the time, but Christ. This is worse than that time he wore that Nazi costume to a party and made the front page. Who would have thought THAT could be topped? 

Next up, I feel personally attacked, as we have “Suck That Cock Gavin”, and, no. Firstly I’m not even joking, that’s that track name! I’m barely here to listen to the album, I’m certainly not signing up for that. I recently reviewed VR SEX and not even they were that immersive, calm the fuck down Grant! Or at least buy me dinner first!? I’ll take the salad, hold the ram ranch dressing please... 

“Big Hard Cowboy Cock” sounds like, generic mid 90’s WCW music, excluding the lyrics, obviously, Ted Turner wouldn’t tolerate that. Imagine like, the Nitro Girls were gay cheerleaders? Disco Inferno and Alex Wright would have much better careers. ” Hard Horsecock” implies that we’re entering the world of bestiality here now, and I don’t even know what I can get away with. We’ve all heard the phrase ‘hung like a horse’, but this is sung like a cunt. “12 Inch Cock” has industrialised metal elements but it’s more like, queer factory than FEAR FACTORY, while “Stable Boy” houses a more urbanised gangsta-rap / hip-hop aesthetic, but it drops more soap than it does bars. 

Ultimately, whoever Grant Macdonald is...he’s committed. Or at least he should be. Credit to him, I can barely think of the words to sum this up. Not since AC/DC has an artist produced so much content with so little substance. Sure, he’s able to mix it up musically, utilising rock and metal, country and Americana, as well as hip-hop, so he’s technically actually better than AC/DC, but lyrically and vocally, I’m assuming it’s something you have to be in-on, or, ‘get’.

Ideal for reaction videos, or making friends and family question you when they hear you play it on Spotify, but, at over an hour long, it’s not a fun album in the slightest, and once the initial shock wears off, and you’ve done the whole “Wtf?” head shake, it very quickly becomes monotonous and boring. Let’s be honest, there’s only so much hard throbbing cowboy cock you can take, y’know? No? Ok then... [0]

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Jackass: A Music Retrospective

24/4/2022

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Hello I’m Gavin Griffiths, and welcome to my blog...certain generations, have their own favoured and, primarily heartfelt, nostalgic pieces of pop-culture that, they fondly look back on, with a happy tear in their eye, and the very fondest of memories. Sure, I was born in 89’ (Age reveal right there) and remember plenty of things like the Power Rangers taking over the world, the original Pokémon taking over the world, the SPICE GIRLS phenomenon taking over the world, Pinky & The Brain WANTING to take over the world, but nothing gripped me more as a young teen and, quite truthfully, prospectless delinquent, than JACKASS. 

When it first hit screens in 2000 on
MTV, I was HOOKED. Sure, it was ridiculous watching Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Steve-O et al putting themselves through what they did, and let's be quite honest here, a LOT of us did the same, ignoring those “professional warnings” (I’m not joking when I say that, I should be dead right now, not writing this), but it was that on-screen friendship, that level of banter and comradery, that had us all cringing, crying, and laughing our asses off, often simultaneously.  

While the stunts themselves are memorable, and oh boy there are so many to pick from, we often forget, or, overlook the soundtracks; the songs that remind us of that one particular time we laughed, while someone nearly died. Now in 2022, as the guys
(Along with some fresh cast members) have released the franchises fourth movie instalment; “Jackass Forever”, which is out on Blu-Ray now, and with “Jackass 4.5” hitting Netflix next month, let’s look at the music that enhances the stupidity, and take a deep dive into some of the most memorable musical moments in Jackass history. 

Now, for the sake of this piece not being biblical in length, we’ll be focusing on the movies, but if there’s one song you HAVE to include, it’s “Corona” by MINUTEMEN. Sure, it may have been released back in 1984, with its own intended purposes, and meanings to the early punk-rockers, but when you hear those opening chords, you just picture that skull and crutches logo hitting the black screen, and you just KNOW you are in for a good time. The up-beat, jovial tones of the song enhance the light-hearted tomfoolery of the prank-loving cast, and as a bouncy piece of music, with it’s almost oompah-esque level of frivolity, it’s perfect for the laugh-along nature of the show. It resurrected an entire band and became an anthem for modern day idiots in one swoop. You simply HAVE to smile, when you hear this song come on, it’s an unwritten law. 

​Before we get into some specifics there are some famous stand-out, and reoccurring tracks that we have to applaud, and the first of those, has to be the
“Party Boy” theme. It’s no more, than a simple piece of retro, synth-driven funky dance music, but as SOON as you hear those bass-driven keys pulse through your speakers, you just KNOW, that someone, from somewhere, is going to strip down to a shiny silver thong, and dance crotch-first into your face. Again, the very thought of Chris Pontius getting to do his favourite thing in the world; strip, to dance semi-naked for some unsuspecting victim, will never not be hilarious. I don’t care if you’re a Japanese fortune teller or Sami Zayn at WWE’s WrestleMania...you aren’t safe from Party Boy! 
We can’t NOT mention, ROGER ALAN WADE. Johnny Knoxville’s cousin and blues country icon, he probably IS mostly famous for his contribution to Jackass in wider circles, but his penchant for his heart-on-his-sleeve lyricism, was fine-tuned to perfection on this mellow masterpiece; “If You’re Gonna Be Dumb You Gotta Be Tough”. It carries with it the same light-hearted tone as the title theme, but lyrically it just fits PERFECTLY. It makes light of the absurdity and insanity, and while a relaxed acoustic piece, it only enhances the fun. It’s one of those songs that, like with the intro, simply brings a happy tear to your eye as you know EXACTLY where this comes from, what it represents. Country music is rarely considered anthemic, but in its own right this is the anthem of idiots worldwide. 

​So much so in fact, it’s become sort of, a secondary Jackass anthem, having appeared in all of the movies in some capacity. In
"Jackass Number Two", we had a version by SMUT PEDDLERS, which brought a far more intense, raw, punk-rock tone to the track, which was fitting with the film. While the song went up a level, so did the cast, and so did the stunts, and it was just next level brilliance in its own right. Everyone enjoys a good number two. “Jackass 3D” saw YEAH YEAH YEAHS front-woman KAREN-O wrap her vocals around another fresh cover, which, DID return to a more country/acoustic, almost banjo vibe, as we’d come full circle, and this was almost closure for the team. There was a poignancy to the track, as it was here, that we’d thought we’d seen the last of the Jackass crew on the big screen, or any screen, and it was sweet. This is something that ties us into the next three tracks...bear with me while I get a bit weepy. 
 In terms of closure, few tracks hit home more emotionally than “Memories” by WEEZER, from “Jackass 3D”. Those closing credits ten years ago, with the old-school footage, the apropos lyrical reflection on the cast and crews' memories...despite being a genuinely fun song, it was a beautifully sad song at the very same time. We grew up with the crew, their antics, and it felt like closure, and memories were all we would have of this brilliantly insane decade. Sadly, memories would become TOO meaningful, as Ryan Dunn, one of the most beloved cast members, tragically passed away in a car accident not too long after the third film came out. While the song “Memories” brought happy tears to our eyes, Roger Alan Wade returned to really turn on the water works, with his song “The Light Outlives The Star”, and while not part of the Jackass movie continuity, from a soundtrack point of view, it HAS to be included. RIP Ryan, we miss you and we love you, you Random Hero you. 

This brings us back to “Jackass Forever”, and ten years in the making, they made sure we felt all of the feels. JOHNNY CASH played us into the trailer with “We’ll Meet Again” and we couldn’t WAIT for the latest instalment...the quaint qualities of the track brought back all of the nostalgia, the laughs, the good times, and those memories, and we knew the new film was going to go HARD. Harder than the man in black, drugged up playing a prison concert. Harder than Chris Pontius’ Godzilla penis...spoiler alert. “If You’re Gonna Be Dumb...” gets another nostalgic, acoustic cover this time courtesy of DJ PAUL and YELAWOLF but it incorporates a more modern, trap/hip-hop vibe and goes down its own lyrical route, breathing fresh life into the track a decade on. It brings together a new generation, a new cast, a new audience, and it’s quirky. 

Elsewhere, every song, has different connections to different fans, depending on their own personal Jackass preference. Very easily, we could talk about CKY and the connection with Bam, as he merged his original footage into the original series, and got his brothers band a full-on cult-like following. We all remember “69 Quite Bitter Beings” or, “Bernadette Nerr”, and of course, “Flesh Into Gear” from the first movie...and we can’t ignore “Afterworld” from “Jackass 3D”. CKY goes hand-in-hand with Jackass, but they are one of the most underrated bands on the planet. ANDREW WK can’t be left out with his party-hard anthem “We Want Fun”. Seeing the Jackass guys on Kerrang! in this music video was just amazing! 

​These are all key songs though in marketing, promotion, but what tracks stand out to our favourite stunts? While I could be here all day laughing to myself about the stupidest shit imaginable, what truly stands out? Ok the new movie has yet to sink into to our pop-culture conscious but, while these things take repeated views to really hammer home their genius, we can easily fondly remember the classics. The first movie has
“Let’s Get Fucked Up” from the golf cart scenes...perfectly delivered by the SMUT PEDDLERS as Knoxville gets knocked out. SLAYER provide “Angel Of Death” for the first ever movie stunt, the “Rent-A-Car Derby”...the SAHARA HOTNIGHTS soundtrack Ryan Dunn getting the shit kicked out of him by a girl, and how can we ignore SIR MIX-A-LOT with “Baby Got Back”?
Number two got a little more cultured, including a variety of artists, ranging from rap group THREE 6 MAFIA who happily watched Dave England eat dry horse shit...to the ELVIS PRESLEY classic “A Little Less Conversation” enhancing the “Beehive Limo”...we had Scandinavian leather rockers TURBONEGRO play “The Gauntlet” via “All My Friends Are Dead”, while Chris Pontius himself delivered a track called “Karazy” which was an unofficial sequel to “Sand Vagina”.  

​TWSITED SISTER
aided in the intro to “Jackass 3D” with “The Kids Are Back”, which was poignant too in the grand scheme of things, while we had blistering numbers by SASSAFRAS and a returning Roger Alan Wade with “Party In My Pants” ...before the ten-year hiatus, and ultimately, “Jackass Forever”, provided us with a fresh bunch of artists. Fans of Jackass will have their favourite cast-members, their favourite stunts and their favourite songs from the series, but collectively, we have to appreciate the thought and consideration that’s gone into these compilations. Sure, we’ve all made stunt clips, skating videos, skits, inspired by the Jackass crew, hell, I’ve been lucky enough to meet Steve-O and Bam, but we all take different memories from the stunts, the scenes, and the songs.
 We are blessed to live in a world where Jackass not only exists, but is applauded. It is escapism in the grandest form, it is relief from all of our own pain, suffering and misery, it is therapy for those less fortunate, and for that, and I will fucking name you...Jeff, Spike, Dimitry, Johnny, Bam, Steve-O, Ryan, Chris, Preston, Weeman, Rachel, Poopies, Ehren, Jasper, Zach, Eric, Dave, Raab, Rake, DiCamillo, Jess, April, Phill, Novak, Kosick, Loomis, Lance, Sean, everyone...THANKYOU. Everyone involved who ever made my own up-bringing a better place; THANKYOU...these soundtracks, as well as these films, fuelled a generation, and I, as well as many other people around the world, wouldn’t be the same without Jackass. Am I dumb? Yes. Am I tough? You bet your ass I’m tough...and I have these misfits to thank for it. We all do. Now, in the words of those Smut Peddlers...let’s get fucked up. #JackassForever. 

Remember, Jackass Forever is available RIGHT NOW on Blu-Ray, and other downloadable media type things, also the unseen footage will be included in Jackass 4.5, which will be on Netflix on May 20th. Merchandise is available online, and you can follow all of your favourite Jackass stars on social media. Warning...the stunts that you may or may not have remembered in this nostalgic commemorative write-up were performed by professionals. Neither you nor your dumb buddies should attempt any of the things that this article has fondly reminisced on your behalf, because I’m not going to court because you’re a fucking idiot. Seriously I’m hammering that point home right now I know what the internet is like. Actually, scrap that, I’m not a hypocrite, just don’t come crying to me when you’ve got a toy car up your ass, getting tossed by a bull, eating a vomlette, blindfolded, in an exploding portable toilet. If it DOES happen though, film it for fuck's sake, don’t waste good footage.  

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/JACKASS
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Spice Girls - "Spice: 25th Anniversary"

13/11/2021

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Pop music, however you look at it, rules the world. Let’s put personal tastes, genre bias and judgement to one side for just a moment, and just accept, that despite its all too often disposable, manufactured nature, its commercial viability and mainstream appeal dominates the airwaves. You’ll be all too familiar with radio stations churning out the same songs by the same artists, I mean, who ISN’T sick of hearing the same 5 track playlist on repeat day after day?  

While I can scoff at the plethora of copy and paste performers heard nowadays; they follow the publicity, the market trends, and they succeed, and it’s like, upon reflection, every generation seemingly has it’s chosen artist or group; whether it’s LEWIS CAPALDI or ONE DIRECTION for example. This brings us to the mid-to-late 90’s, and more specifically the SPICE GIRLS, and THEY, were a legit phenomenon. Formed by talent managers Bob and Chris Herbert, they literally put a call out for auditions for a blatantly manufactured ‘girl band’, purely to contrast the boyband dominated pop scene. Young girls were swooning over the likes of *NSYNC, TAKE THAT, THE BACKSTREET BOYS left right and centre, but young girls didn’t have many role models and women to look up to in pop music. This was about to change. 

The Spice Girls consisted individually of Baby Spice (Emma Bunton), Ginger Spice (Ed Sheeran, sorry, no, Geri Halliwell), Scary Spice (Melanie B), Posh Spice (Victoria Adams), and Sporty Spice (Melanie C), and as mish mash as their aliases were, they showed true diversity not only in vocal performance, but in character and presentation, and gave young girls confidence to be themselves, birthing the ‘Girl Power' revolution. They sold millions of records worldwide and are arguably the biggest, most successful girl band of all time. 2021 happens to be the 25
th anniversary of their ground-breaking debut album; “Spice”...an album I remember owning on cassette as well as CD...let’s take a trip down memory lane, and see how well this has aged... 

The album opens up with their debut single “Wannabe” and oh boy...this either triggers a sense of happy nostalgia, or PTSD from school discos, there is no in-between. The video highlights the aforementioned points about individuality perfectly, as it hammers home their difference in style and dress sense, alongside their separate vocal contributions. They are very much together as a performing unit, in sync and rehearsed, but there is a uniqueness to each of them, and that gave them their edge. Though to be fair Posh seemed to just tag along here with zero stand out contributions. It’s an iconic track and a real earworm, despite how utterly annoying the bulk of the track is, but it was this catchy simplicity that got people's attention...we were hooked...like the unofficial 6th member; smoking spice. 

The rest of the album had its fair share of hit singles, and you’ll be as familiar with all of them to be frank. “Say You’ll Be There” houses it’s sultry, electro-tinged pop elements that accompany the quite Tarantino-esque music video...PVC-clad, ninja bitches in the desert, pleading for relationship equality essentially. The harmonica solo is SO out of the blue it makes the track truth be told, but in all seriousness, they just wanted guys to not be dicks back in 1996...guys still don’t listen. Sort yourselves out guys! Mel C can literally kick you in the face! 

A lot of the 90’s was littered with a sense of throwback funk, as genres evolved and transitioned through dance and rave etc, and nothing highlights this more than “Who Do You Think You Are?”...the up-beat, clap-along percussion with brass instrumentation, group vocal harmonies and dance-hall tempo highlighted just how fun pop music could be. I don’t care if you live in a cave and exclusively listen to doom metal, I challenge you to listen to this and not vibe. Honestly, you’d have to be soulless. The Spice Girls weren’t all about chaotic fun however, as they were equally adept at dropping some superb ballads.
 
 
The acoustic driven melodies of “Mama” while quaint, are backed by subtle DJ record scratches and a certain sense of swagger with the almost proto-trap beat, and it’s one of the sweetest, most innocent tracks you’ll ever hear. We’ve all been there; you grow up, you want to do your own thing, you rebel a bit, and you may get into trouble here and there, but this track tackles an apologetic maturity with gospel backing and it’s genuinely lovely. As generations come and go, this song is timeless. Speaking of, we have ...”2 Become 1”...the soft, string-led romantic ballad garnered the Spice Girls the coveted UK Christmas Number 1 in the Top 40 Charts and cemented them as superstars. The change in pace and instrumentation showcased their tender side, a more mature side and proved they had all of the tools to succeed, and were far from one trick ponies. The sexual tones of the track were played tastefully here, unlike say, CARDI B with “WAP”, and despite the obvious suggestive lyricism, with even nods to contraception, which as young 90’s children we were naïve to, it’s not in your face and blatantly slutty. Tastefully done ladies. 

There are non-released tracks like “Love Thing” and “Naked”, but given the strength of the singles, these are reduced to filler quite frankly, and it’s a 50/50 album at best...however...that 50% rocketed Spice Girls into the stratosphere of pop culture, musical history, relevance and importance for the worlds following generations. Everyone from ADELE, CHARLI XCX and BILLIE EILISH have taken influence from the English quintet. People might think back on the Spice Girls now with a cringeworthy mindset, scoff at them, mock them...but they’re as an important part of pop music as ELVIS is to rock ‘n’ roll, as BLACK SABBATH are to metal...styles change, tastes change, but The Spice Girls left a legacy, and admit it or not, they spiced up your life...though that’s a story for 2022. [7] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/SPICEGIRLS
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Limp Bizkit - "Still Sucks"

7/11/2021

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We need to address the elephant in the room...and ironically that just so happens to be “Stampede Of The Disco Elephants”. This was, for the longest time, reportedly the working title for LIMP BIZKIT’s follow up to 2011’s “Gold Cobra”, but over the course of the past decade, suggesting that it’s been in production purgatory would be a massive understatement. 

The nu-metal veterans left their long-time label Interscope around this time, to eventually join Cash Money Records; and the initial stand-alone single “Ready To Go” with LIL WAYNE was hugely encouraging, but despite a few sparse, random releases, the band seemingly lost all sense of direction and momentum and for all intents and purposes, they disappeared.  

Now we find ourselves in 2021, and oh how the times have changed. While they were once world beaters, chart topping titans of the alternative music scene...they became a joke in the eyes of the metal community. A musical meme if you will, and at best they turned into a guilty pleasure. Lost in the youthful, angst-ridden memories of days gone by, we thought we’d seen the last of the Bizkit. Oh, how we were wrong. On October 31
st, Halloween of all occasions, they dropped the long-awaited album, under the new title of “Still Sucks”. With the time of year, we have to ask ourselves, will this be a trick, or a treat, and more importantly, did they ever truly suck to begin with? Let’s find out... 

The album opens up with “Out Of Style” and a surprisingly philosophical intro, as Fred Durst’s first words are “We cannot change the past, but we CAN start today, to make a better tomorrow”, which sounds like he’s ready to sweep everything under the carpet. Wes Borland’s guitars here sound really dirty and disjointed, and it’s clear the suggestion of the track here is, all this time later, the band still sound unlike any other band on the planet; they're never IN style.  

Their unique approach to rock, metal and rap creatively was what sold them millions of records in the first place, and with nobody else doing it as well as Bizkit, then OR since, they were as out of style when they exploded then, as they are now all these years later, and they stand out all the more for it. It may double as a dig at the nu-metal genre as a whole, and the lack of respect it generally gets from the average metal fan, with pleading lines like “We should be on the same team, on the motherfucking same team, if we aint’ then we nothing”, it highlights the toxicity in the metal community. 

We have to talk about “Dad Vibes” ...this was the track that got everyone talking about Limp Bizkit again recently, as the band dropped it during a live show out of the blue, giving people the first hint at new music for a long time. Technically the albums lead single if you will, it’s underwhelming with its basic hip-hop aesthetic, with cymbal-rich percussion and only light guitar aspects, and to be honest more attention was paid to Fred Dursts appearance. Yes, it's all tongue in cheek as, now in his 50’s, Durst dressed up as uncool as possible to rap on stage, embracing how supposedly silly or cringeworthy people may think Bizkit are today, with the track acting like one giant metaphorical middle finger. 

These vibes as such are a general theme for this record as a whole, which at this point revels in its sense of self-depreciating irony. “Barnacle” is an incredibly catchy piece of grunge-heavy hard rock potentially aimed at bandwagon jumpers and those who hate on the band purely because it’s cool, you’re all barnacles, clinging on to whatever might be relevant. “Don’t Change” then harks back to their cover of “Behind Blue Eyes” with another wonderfully soft acoustic piece. The style really works for them as this proves yet again, and the mellow, gentler sound here is genuinely lovely. “Love The Hate” directly targets the naysayers with an incredibly self-aware cringe-riddled piece of back-and-forth rap. The whole track is cosplaying as the same fans who hate on the band, and with more than a mountain of irony they put themselves down while reminding you how little they care for your opinion. Absolute zero fucks given, the true Limp Bizkit way. 

In summation, that’s probably the best way to approach this album. Yes, it’s been a long time, and yes, we all know that Limp Bizkit can drop some absolute bangers, but if that’s what you’re going into this album looking for, then you’re going to be disappointed. I truly believe, the level of self-awareness that pebbledashes this album from start to finish is beyond intentional...as much as people slate the band, as irrelevant as people suggest the band are now, in less than a week the album has racked up millions of listens and streams having had zero promotion due to the fact, nobody fucking knew it was coming out. The interest and excitement was organic, and proved without a doubt, there will always be place in the world for Limp Bizkit. Will they follow this up with a more crafted, polished, serious album? Who knows, but let’s get one thing straight...Limp Bizkit have never sucked, and that is the unquestionable truth...which...wait that actually sucked. Damnit. [5]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/LIMPBIZKIT
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Billy Idol - "The Roadside" EP

16/10/2021

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MTV...it’s MEANT to stand for “Music Television”, if you can remember that. Nowadays it’s full of ten-a-penny reality TV shows, and original programming aimed at teenagers and young adults. Whatever that means. Stars are being “made” for their fifteen minutes of fame apiece, but they are entirely disposable. Not like the good old days.  

As I stated MTV was and should be all about the music, that was the entire point! It was a new media platform in the evolution of entertainment to provide artists with a means of promotion, creative freedom and advertisement, which you could enjoy all day from the comfort of your home WAY before the internet! Music videos were new, fresh and exciting, and it allowed bands to reach vast new audiences outside of radio.  

The initial wave of these artists would ultimately go down in history, as being pioneers; ground-breaking media personas, as being among the first, they were at the forefront of a new evolution in mainstream media attention, and one of those artists, was BILLY IDOL. Born in London as William Broad, Billy first found fame as part of underground punk outfit GENERATION-X before his solo career exploded in the early 80’s. Tracks such as “White Wedding” and “Rebel Yell” had cemented him as a bonafide punk rock poster boy; leather clad with his blonde hair, whiplash smile and cheeky charm; he was made for MTV. In 2021, we find Billy Idol revitalised, releasing his first original music since 2014; via an EP by the name of “The Roadside”. Are we stopping at the services for a quick Maccies en route or have we completely broken down with five flat tires and no phone service? Let’s find out... 

We’re going to have to start off by talking about “Bitter Taste”; the EP’s lead single and the focus point of Idol’s latest creative flurry. The track itself, conceptually, is centred around a motorcycle accident Idol was involved in back in 1990, which nearly cost him his life. It’s a heavily reflective track, that he likens to this past year or so of the pandemic. Lifestyles change, habits change, your entire way of life and way of thinking changes in face of uncertainty and, such incidents can mature you mentally and emotionally. The track musically is a sombre, acoustic heavy, semi-country inspired ballad, and you can not only hear, but feel the reflection and sentiment in Idol’s voice; in his lyrics and the overall delivery of the track as a whole. The subtle piano keys that litter the track sporadically add a quaint delicacy to the already soft recording, and they complement the gentle percussion and mellow acoustics, before we get a more frustrated flurry of more aggressive vocals towards the tracks climax. Deep in its sense of soul searching, it is a thing of beauty.  

But what else makes up the rest of the 4-track EP? It actually opens up with “Rita Hayworth” who, for those of you who don’t know, is an American actress who was prominent in the late 1930’s through the 1940’s, where she found herself as a popular pin-up girl for American GI’s. Topically the track mirrors Hayworth’s own personal struggles with Columbia Pictures with the soulless corporate political money trap Hollywood is today. Almost a piece of advice put to music, he sings “You’re swimmin’ with Jaws and this dream town will swallow you whole; you’re gonna’ need a bigger boat”. A sadly all too common remark towards the otherwise glamourized Hollywood lifestyle of fame and fortune. It eats people up and breaks people down. Set to a no-nonsense rocking piece of instrumentation with a solid groove and soaring gang vocal whoa’s, it’s a fun, up-beat bit of rock ‘n’ roll. 

​The second half of the EP is made up of “U Don’t Have To Kiss Me Like That”, which harks back to a jovial sense of late seventies / early 80’s glam rock that could quite easily appeal to fans of say T-REX and MARC BOLAN for example. It’s more of that era in aesthetic and highlights more of the early influences Idol would have been around growing up, before we finish up on “Baby Put Your Clothes Back On” which on paper, sounds like an absolute mood killer. It turns out that, that’s actually accurate. A slow jam of twangy guitars and mild percussion not unlike something CHRIS ISAAK would produce, it’s another reflective track about self-worth and emotional maturity that could easily thematically tie-in to the main narrative of “Bitter Taste”. It’s as if he harks back to when he realised there was more to life than fun times, girls and living fast and it’s quite humbling. 

With Idol’s last record, “Kings And Queens Of The Underground” being a trip down memory lane itself, here we see him continue to take inspiration from the past and using his memories and stories as a form of catharsis through his creative process. From a selfish point of view, we could all easily say we’d prefer a new full-length Billy Idol album, as it’s been so long, but the quality and honesty presented here more than makes up for it. As far as this EP goes, we are so glad you weren’t left by that roadside, as THAT, would have left a bitter taste. [9] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/BILLYIDOL
SPEAKING OF THE ROAD...BILLY IDOL makes his return to the UK in 2022 for a live arena tour, his first since 2018! The original rebellious poster boy hits six dates across the UK with special support from THE GO-GO'S to promote his new EP, as well as treating audiences to a plethora of classic hits and favourites. Tickets are available right now, via www.aegpresents.co.uk/events/detail/billy-idol - and to clarify, the dates and venues are as follows;

Saturday June 11th - Glasgow, SSE Hydro
Monday June 13th - Manchester, AO Arena
Wednesday June 15th - Birmingham, Resorts World Arena
Saturday June 18th - London, SSE Arena Wembley
Sunday June 19th - Cardiff, Motorpoint Arena
​Tuesday June 21st - Leeds, First Direct Arena

We hope to see you all at the roadside next Summer...you'll find me at Cardiff.
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Various Artists - "The Metallica Blacklist"

14/9/2021

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Image Courtesy Of Rolling Stone
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Iconic...legendary...these are words quite often thrown around haphazardly nowadays. Like, you're at the bar and your mate goes for a round and comes back with a cheeky packet of pork scratchings, so you call him a legend. No, he’s not a legend, he’s a bell-end he could have grabbed two packs the selfish twat. I digress. When it comes to something like music, or art in general, it takes something special to garner such praise, truly, and today’s review is a real reflection of that. Today we’re going to be talking about METALLICA. 

Now, love them or hate them for whatever reasons y’all elitist metal heads have (Personally bar a couple of tracks, I’m not a massive fan of Metallica, or their style of metal in general but that’s just me) you can’t deny the impact they’ve had on heavy music since day one. Their early discography helped lay the foundations for the evolution of metal into thrash and beyond, churning out some of the most important releases of the whole genre...until in 1991, when they released arguably THE most important; “The Black Album”. 

Many OG fans felt like it was a bit of a departure from their raw origins, incorporating softer melodies and more clean vocals (James Hetfield has gone on record to say on this album he finally became a singer) and that while still Metallica, and as strong of an album it technically was, they had sold out. Sounds absurd right? “The Black Album”, already following “...And Justice For All” simply cemented them as THE biggest metal band on the planet, and in terms of the history of metal, it’s one of the foremost standard bearers. In 2021...that still holds true. 

Thirty years after its release, it’s still talked about and revered for its influence and importance, and to celebrate the albums anniversary, Metallica have decided to cherry pick a plethora of artists from all walks of life, to highlight just how influential the album has been. The artists got to pick a song of their choosing from “The Black Album” and record a cover, for what is now known, as “The Blacklist”. SIXTY-SIX versions of the songs you all know and love...in one compilation. Let’s dive into this, black hole if you will, and highlight some the more, diverse recordings on offer. 

Luckily for us, the tracks aren’t all thrown together mish mash like the running order was decided by a washing machine spin-cycle, they are categorised by specific tracks, and to start us off, we have 7 renditions of “Enter Sandman”. Let’s be honest as far as heavy metal anthems go, this is up there in the top tier; a rock club floor filler guaranteed for beer fuelled singalongs...so what do we get here? ALESSIA CARA is first up and the “Scars To Your Beautiful” songstress wraps her husky, soulful pop vocals around the track, accompanied by THE WARNING. As a performer she brings a fresh take on the vocals and this is SLICK; a very strong start here. As the track progresses, we get the heavier instrumental factors and it becomes something say, FLORENCE & THE MACHINE would drop on an EP... actually that sounds fantastic somebody make that happen.  

Sticking with “Enter Sandman” we get some interesting variations...we get WEEZER dropping a version that wouldn’t be out of place on their own “The Teal Album” compilation...a pretty straightforward cover, bar a couple of guitar tweaks and a subtle nod to “Buddy Holly”. It’s fine. RINA SAWAYAMA then takes things up a notch with a surging, riff-heavy almost techno-inspired piece of production with bold, assertive vocals, becoming possibly one of the tracks better covers ever. Occultist theatrical rockers GHOST then drop arguably the most creative cover, as they ditch the iconic intro, and delve straight into a piano-led lyrical opening. They have their distinct style, and the holy-tones soon shift into gear as the guitars erupt, and it’s an interesting take on the classic. 

Next up we have “Sad But True” and I have to say, the best version here by far comes courtesy of country artist JASON ISBELL & THE 400 UNIT. The country/rockabilly twist with the twangy guitars gives the Alabama-born artist a unique take on the track and it really works. South Korean outfit YB offer a more up-tempo rock recording, which, while fine audibly, highlights the global reach Metallica have. 
“Holier Than Thou” takes up the third portion of the album and this kicks off with BIFFY CLYRO and to be fair, they produce quite a quirky, synth-based recording but the novelty sadly wears off as boy does this rendition drag out...you took over five minutes to do a track less than four minutes long. Absolutely no need lads. Spoiled it for yourselves. THE CHATS and OFF! Both drop simultaneous punk-rock covers which, while decent in their own right are put too closely together and it depreciates both their values. COREY TAYLOR then showcases why he is one of the most prominent voices in modern metal as he tears through his own hard rocking rendition; quite raw but with it’s own throw-back, thrash-metal vibe going on. 

Back to more ballad-based territory we find ourselves at “The Unforgiven” and CAGE THE ELEPHANT kick us off with an incredibly stripped back, indie/acoustic cover and the hushed, smoky vocals allow for an even more intimate listening experience, which suit the song quite well really. DIET CIG keep the indie aesthetic going but the New York duo bring a brasher recording to the table and it works just as well. Some of the compilations better covers come here however, as we depart far from what you would perceive Metallica to be, courtesy of FLATBUSH ZOMBIES Feat. DJ SCRATCH. We get a proper old-school hip-hop beat laid in front of us with some classic flows layered around the soft melodic vocal chorus from James Hetfield. This works surprisingly well as a mash up to be fair, it’s impressive. This can also be said for HA*ASH, as the Louisiana-based duo deliver a wonderfully relaxed harmonic clean vocal cover with acoustic, Latin-pop aesthetics giving the track some extra flavour.  
It’s safe to assume that, the most popular tracks will get the most covers as they are going to get the most attention, and as good as the aforementioned have been, if you think of “The Black Album”...you think of “Nothing Else Matters”. The ballad that sent Metallica into the mainstream stratosphere, here, gets a whopping 13 renditions...it’s essentially an album worth of tracks within itself! There’s a LOT to get through here so we’ll focus on some highlights...and we have to start with the one that got all of the attention...starring MILEY CYRUS with ELTON JOHN on piano. Originally scoffed at for her “Wrecking Ball” era output, she’s come on leaps and bounds as a vocal performer, having worked alongside everyone from DOLLY PARTON to BILLY IDOL, and credit to her here, she wraps her smoky voice around this superbly. It’s big, it’s bold, it’s confident, it’s passionate and it WORKS. Forget jumping on bandwagons and all that gubbins, you need to appreciate Miley here as a performer, this is a respect earner for even the die-hards.  

On the other end of the scale then, we get a cover I was myself personally looking forward to, courtesy of DEPECHE MODE vocalist DAVE GAHAN. His sombre rendition is practically haunting as he croons his way through the track, taking it to whole new levels of emotional torment, yet while undeniably sad, its equally undeniably beautiful; I love this. On a side note, it’s rare I highlight instrumentals but, German pianist IGOR LEVIT offers up a sincerely sweet solo piano rendition which could quite easily pass for a lullaby. 
The rest of the compilation consists then of, non-single tracks and while not necessarily less-popular, they are lesser known to mainstream audiences...deeper cuts if you will. These, naturally get sparse recognition in comparison, but they aren’t without their talking points. French vocalist IZIA does well with “My Friend Of Misery”, offering a fuzzy, up-beat electronic-tinged rock offering, despite the slightly awkward chorus transition. IMELDA MAY drops by for a quick cover of “The God That Failed” that has quite a deep, bluesy swagger, while TOMI OWO wraps her soft, husky vocals around a delicate version of “Through The Never”. It’s still got guitar presence but it’s got more of an R’n’B flavour. 

Naturally...there are over sixty tracks here, you must be thinking, surely there has to be some absolute crap littered throughout the compilation? I have to say, you would be absolutely correct. JUANES idea of “Enter Sandman” is like, he is first trying to learn THAT riff for the first ever time...it is SO jerky and dissected it detracts from the feeling of the song entirely. ROYAL BLOOD’s cover of “Sad But True” is no more than a straight-up cover with little additional character, which results in a pretty boring listen quite frankly. CHASE & STATUS with BACKROAD GEE drop this god-awful mumble-rap, grime-inspired take on “Wherever I May Roam”...I suggest you roam as far away from this as physically possible, and then defy physics and roam further. This is abysmal. Sadly, another disappointment comes courtesy of THE HU. The Mongolian throat-metal traditionalists deliver a cover of “Through The Never” in, I GUESS their native language, with some native instrumentation. It gives the track some interesting character with fresh sounds, but you lose all of the sing-along qualities here. This might be nit-picking but, it’s lacking in it’s own ways. 

Overall, over the course of this, playlist essentially, there is a noticeably distinct lack of rock and metal, and really that’s probably by design. The artists that have contributed that have kept to these genres, haven’t really brought anything new to the table and those covers in question have been really quite run of the mill...it’s the diversity of artists that Metallica were looking to showcase and they have undeniably delivered on that front. A lot of these vocalists have injected fresh ideas into thirty-year-old classics by utilising their own inspirations, backgrounds, ideas and flavours, creating a genuinely creative cocktail menu with just twelve original songs to work with. Metallica fans might not appreciate this 100%, most still living in their tight stonewashed jeans, patch-laden battle jackets and downing warm cases of beer...a bit like GNAR KILL fans I guess, (James Hetfield is Hell Boy confirmed) but for anyone curious about the legacy of this album, and have nearly six hours to kill, it’s worth a listen...I guess? [7] 
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VoteForSammo - "Cheaper Entertainment" EP

6/9/2021

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Mayor Quimby...Pedro Sanchez (No, not actual Spanish Prime Minister Pedro Sanchez, but the true Pedro Sanchez! Gosh!)...and *Sigh* Donald Trump. All of these...characters...and let's face it, they ARE characters, before I get a bunch of republicans trying to storm my house with pickets, torches and Walmart firearms, have one thing in common. They have all had unconventionally successful, albeit dodgy election campaigns. 

Quimby...The Simpson’s very own mayor of Springfield, was a parody of the Kennedy’s and used his wit, charm and charisma, as well as mob back-handers, to womanise and frivolously take the piss, while laughing to himself in office. A spot of innocent animated satire if you will.  Pedro, amidst lies, high-school politics, awkward humour, even more awkward dancing, sweet skills and a couple of Ligers, became class president in Napoleon Dynamite. Trump sadly, as much of a character he is...is real, believe it or not, and became actual President 
Of The United States, arguably one of the most powerful men in the world, despite being a tangerine-coloured perverted pensioner with a penchant for lies, pussy grabbing and grandiose shit-housery. 
 


But I hear you ask...what has this got to do with today’s review? Well, I am poorly gerrymandering my way through this segue in preparation of introducing today’s artist; 
VOTEFORSAMMO. Real name Sam Hodder, the 19-year-old based out of London emailed me recently to tell me two things. Firstly, he was releasing a new EP by the name of “Cheaper Entertainment”, and secondly, GTGC was one of his favourite websites. Now, I’m not easily bought, but that was a nice thing to say. The question is, do I have anything nice to say about the EP? And will he be getting MY vote? Let’s find out... 

The EP kicks off with 
“Is This Better Than The Last Time?” and quite frankly, I don’t know Sam, this is my first time. It opens up with some, throwback 1940’s or 1950’s family conversation, teasing at the notion of troubled youth and, as the intro piece transitions, we feel a sense of struggle. The ideology of being stuck in a rut, especially in the lower, working classes, not meaning to come off as derogatory. It’s a hoping, a wanting more out of life, wanting better opportunities outside a typically blue-collar environment, and have times really changed that much at all socially since then?  

First track proper then, and lead single 
“Artificial Light” gives us a better idea of Sam’s creative vision and process. There’s a soft, soothing blend of urban beats with gentle acoustics and lounge jazz, carrying delicate piano notes and brass instrumentation. His lyrical delivery is a sort of mellow poetic rapping. The street lights being the only brightness in a sprawling urban depression. You could probably smoke a fat one to this. We follow this with EP highlight “Martyr” and we get a far more assertive beat, with more electric guitar and a stronger indie-rock vibe. He projects stronger vocally in places adding range to his delivery but for the most part, he remains subdued, while not completely monotone. The sax solo is a wonderful inclusion and brings a real feel-good factor to the tracks climax, despite the abrupt ending. 

Next up we have 
“McDonalds”, and it’s like, ordering a double quarter pounder with only cheese at the drive-thru, and getting a quarter pounder with everything BUT cheese. That’s actually happened to me. Heartbroken I was. Anyway, we initially get a sweetly plucked spot of acoustic pop, which gradually picks up in tempo and tone, incorporating more of an electric-tinged dose of deeper indie, akin to the previous track, before lulling back to its originally slower pacing. It has aspects that are nice, but it’s not specifically what you were looking forward to. Very much like my burger. Finally, then, we finish up with “Reflections”; featuring additional vocals from Jemma Baines. Aside from this extra vocal dynamic, we get more of the same urban, jazzy, folky, acoustic indie style and the whole thing is very much chilled. 

Now, most young lads in this age range that I know personally, are for some reason all into grime, mumble rap and all of that crud...so for this London based artist to be delving into more, maturely perceived genres such as lounge jazz and, shoe-gaze inspired indie, it's both interesting and refreshing to see. He writes, mixes and produces all of his own stuff too so, fair play to the lad. Applause where it’s due. While tracks like “Martyr” are more up my street, you can’t knock Sam for the honesty in his lyrics and his ability to create an ambience within his genre mixings. Not something I’d go out of my way to look for, but I’d rather vote for Sammo than some dickhead like Boris Johnson. A pleasant, laid-back listening experience; be sure to check this EP out when it drops on September 10th. [6] 

WWW.VOTEFORSAMMO.CO.UK
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Eurovision 2021: I'm Not 'UK' (I Promise)

30/5/2021

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As you should all be well aware by now, I have a great fondness for the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST. It is a song contest the likes of which, the world has never seen the likes of which, aside from the past sixty odd years or so...but I digress. 2020 saw the contests cancellation due to the Covid pandemic; the first time in history such a thing has occurred, and though while despite still having the junior version at the tail end of the year, when lockdowns and such gradually eased up, 2020 was lacking in more than just social interaction...I didn’t get to enjoy a night of roasting the final via my Twitter feed in real time. Alas, there was always going to be 2021 right? Right? 

As expected, the 2021 contest did take place, on May 22
nd in Rotterdam, making up for last year’s unprecedented situation, by technically allowing the Netherlands to become the first nation to host two consecutive contests. Asterisk here of course. Nevertheless, all was looking promising, until I found out that one of my newest favourite bands, IST IST, were performing a socially distanced show in Manchester on the very same night! Having not been to a gig since 2019, and having not seen my good friend James in that exact same time...I committed a cardinal sin, and attended the gig with him instead of watching Eurovision. Forgive me father, or, spank me daddy, delete as applicable? Either way I’m going to make up for it. 

While we all now know the results, posthumously if you will regarding how dead in the water the UK are, I’ll be taking a look at the grand finalist's songs, and questioning both how and why the UK finished last with the dreaded nil poi...so what better place to start, than the UK’s song itself. JAMES NEWMAN was our 2021 entry with a track called “Embers”. The London based singer/songwriter has been called “James Nil-Man" following the result, but is the mockery justified? Granted it’s quite the safe track in terms of tone and delivery...it’s got a very Summery vibe with its brass-fuelled dance-pop, smoky vocals and up-beat rhythm. It’s the kind of track I’d expect to hear on Radio 1 or some random YouTube holiday advert. Is it awful? No absolutely not. Is it a musical masterpiece, a misunderstood work of genius, ahead of its time? Likewise, no, it’s a generic, run-of-the-mill dance pop effort, but should have at LEAST garnered SOME points with the average Joe...so what went wrong? 
If the UK were at the very bottom of the pile with zero points, who was at the top? The answer, is Italy this year, and slap my ass with a stale ciabatta they entered a rock song?! The group MÅNESKIN won the 2021 contest with the track “Zitti E Buoni” and to be fair it was a pleasant surprise. Sure, it was all sung in their native Italian, so I don’t know what the hell was being said, but the track had a solid groove and housed a smooth, classic rock aesthetic which was about as expected as their victory...aka...it wasn’t. I find this amusing in ways as, here in the UK, despite frankly birthing most of the world's greatest rock bands going as far back as the 60’s, rock and alternative music is generally shunned by the mainstream here in favour of the kind of disposable dance pop we entered, funnily enough. Karma perhaps? Actually, don’t get me started on the charts, pile of bollocks.  

So, we came last, and an unexpected rock song came first...not like, a LORDI level effort with all the costumes and gimmicks, but, an actual straight up rock song...but there were still a further 24 countries that finished above us, surely, we weren’t THE worst track out of all twenty-six nations? Germany’s entry JENDRIK came one place above us with “I Don’t Feel Hate” and it rather awkwardly combined ukulele with up-beat whistling and folk-pop, before some sporadic, jazzy breakdowns. While inoffensive, it was musically jarring as it switched styles and for that alone, it was IMO, worse than ours.  
Spain didn’t do a great deal better with their entry “Voy A Quedarme” by BLAS CANTÓ, and really speaking it’s one of those generic soft piano ballads that the contest has been renowned for in recent years. Totally innocuous, if I were live tweeting this after several beverages, I’d probably be saying his name translates as bland cunt but, there we go. Host nation Netherlands did fairly poorly themselves as JEANGU MACROOY only managed 23rd with his track “Birth Of A New Age” ...the soft Afro-pop / reggae-pop offering speaking of lots of rebellion probably irked several juries as it’s MEANT to be a non-political show, but we all know how true that isn’t. Different, but, better than ours? Questionable. 

What about some of the better results then? Who or what was deemed to be more favourable by both the judges and voting public? GO_A were back representing the Ukraine here following what was arguably my favourite entry from last year; “Solovey”. The new track, “Shum”, might not have the same infectious quality to it, but in a different sense it retains a very catchy, up-beat characteristic that grows over the track's duration. The folk pop, oompah-gypsy style with flutes, coupled with some deep, electronic production allows for a fascinating culture crossover, and the group themselves have grown in confidence massively. The track rises and rises in intensity building to a wonderful crescendo, leading up to some classic, mid-90's Tatanka-esque native war-cry type shit. How many chops can you do, in 2:52? That’s an ad-break questionarium for OSW! 
Having mentioned LORDI earlier, I have to mention Finland as it’s a country I always keep an eye out for, having personally voted for the likes of SAARA AALTO in recent years, and this year was no exception... had it not been for the fact I didn’t watch the live final! BLIND CHANNEL entered their track “Dark Side” and it was a wonderfully melodic nu-metal inspired effort, rich in riffs, swagger-fuelled rap-tinged vocals, gang vox and all of the middle fingers in the air. Any regular readers who like, say, HACKTIVIST or HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD would have lapped this up, fantastic stuff, this certainly would have had my vote. Adopt me Finland, please?  

​Last year's favourite, Iceland, re-entered 
DADI FREYR with the new track “10 Years” and again, another case of growth in confidence...the track this year is no less catchy or fun with its funk-rich delivery but it’s a lot smoother and really vibes, this track did understandably well for 2020’s unofficial winner. France is pretty renowned for scoring poorly, so for them to finish second this year was surprising...especially as their entry “Voila” by BARBARA PRAVI was no more than a dramatic, string/piano ballad fit for a theatrical ballet, we’re talking niche genre trappings here, but it did well. Might sell some Peugeots in the future, but, it’s not for me.  
Not even star-power can help some countries however, as FLO RIDA, of all people, joined SENHIT and San Marino of all places...they must have spent their entire GDP on his guest vocals on “Adrenalina” to finish 22nd...brilliant economic investment, you just voted for a nation to starve. Belgium then represents with a wonderfully bluesy number that references JOHHNY CASH, so credit to HOOVERPHONIC and their track “The Wrong Place”, which fittingly brings us full circle to describe the UK; we finished in the wrong place. Now don’t get me wrong, my ears and probably opinions differ from, well, clearly the millions of people who vote on the world's biggest song contest, but I’m not rallying for a pro-UK movement, or being overly patriotic in the face of defeat; I’m simply suggesting the UK didn’t deserve to come last, let alone get no points whatsoever. 

​Having not seen who gave who what points this year, I can’t comment on the usual and typical “neighbour” voting system you tend to notice, not that the contest is meant to be political as stated, and this could in ways be backed by Italy’s unexpected winning rock track. But, given the farce that was the whole Brexit vote, with the UK government essentially lying to the British public, and then continuing to make themselves look like an absolute bunch of bell ends; making demands to the EU, it’s easy to see why, when it comes to the UK, a performers talent and song quality clearly means very little. We as a nation, are looked upon as outsiders, and frankly blanked by a tight-nit European collective...and we have the government to thank for that. Was our entry ever a winning song? Doubtful, don’t get me wrong, but zero points is more of a statement to us as Brits as it is a fair reaction to our performance in Rotterdam. It might only be a silly song contest to many, but it’s got history, it’s a cultural phenomenon, and we haven’t won it since 1997...and the way things are going, we’ll be lucky to win it by 2097. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to snort some coke with that dude from Italy...allegedly.  
BUY ALL YOUR OFFICIAL EUROVISION MERCH HERE
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Pay The Man - "Regulars"

5/4/2021

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So, a pig, a gorilla and a dog walk into a bar, and the barman asks, “What can I get you?” Gav interrupts, “A punchline please because I haven’t got a fucking clue where this is going!”. Honestly the cover art here looks like something drawn up for a MONKEY DUST meets BOJACK HORSEMAN crossover, but I digress.  

“Regulars” is an album by a Bridgend-based singer-songwriter named Kyle David Smith, who here goes under the moniker PAY THE MAN. No stranger to the South Wales music scene, having played for local artists such as CEASARS ROME and ICANTDIE, he’s recently released this solo mini-album exploring his adoration for acoustic indie pop. Having been tagged on Facebook by three separate people in Kyle’s posts looking for promotion of this new album, it would be very much rude of me not to. So, Charlotte, Colin and Scott...if I don’t like this, I’m personally blaming you. 

The album opens up with the title track and initially we get some jerkily strummed acoustic guitars, as he sings of a sense of stagnation and repetition that’s commonplace in life today. There’s a gradual build until he unleashes a far more raw, emotive vocal and the track reeks of self-depreciation in a fed-up kind of way. It’s quite a relatable opener. Lead single then 
“Situationship” has a far more jovial guitar tone, backed by the percussion here giving the track a far better sense of rhythm. Ironically the track seems to delve into the topic of romantic and emotional frustration; the typical issues with loyalty, perhaps a spot of ghosting and generally feeling used or toyed with by a potential partner. This is why I’ve personally been single for over two years now...none of this shit...but the track itself is fine. 

“The Busker” then in turn returns to a far mellower piece of sombre acoustic that in ways bridges the depressive tones of early COLDPLAY with storytelling and lyricism more akin to say, DEAF HAVANA and it’s pleasant despite the aforementioned analogy. The 8-track mini album eventually finishes up with “There’s Hope For You Yet!” and again, we get a nicely delivered dose of more upbeat, up-tempo campfire acoustic indie-folk, even channelling subtle punk elements layered throughout the track, ending proceedings on a positive note. Any prior unmentioned tracks follow a fairly straightforward formula for the genre, not offending yet not exciting anyone at the same time really. 

There’s nothing wrong with this; nothing at all, this should potentially appeal to fans of say, DAVE JAKES or JAMES VECK-GILODI as opposed to ED SHEERAN (Thankfully) and this brand of heartfelt, stripped-back acoustic delivery is completely harmless. Fuelled by life in lockdown and the resulting intoxication brought on by isolation and self-reflection, it’s about an honest a record you can find. Pay the man his dues though...he’s opened up here and it’s at least worth a listen. [5] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/PAYTHEMAN1
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Cindy - "Free Advice"

11/10/2020

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Some of the best things in life are free; like, that 7th cup of McDonalds coffee after you’ve already paid for six, and now have a caffeine addiction, because you got them all in one day instead of over the course of the week...or that “Songs Of Innocence” album by U2 that everybody had but nobody wanted (Show me on the doll where iTunes touched you Timmy...it’s OK), but what about free advice? You’ve all heard ‘don’t eat yellow snow’...OK Ehren McGhehey missed that memo, but generally, these things are obvious, and aimed at dumb people. Sorry Ehren. 

So then, what are today’s band trying to tell us? CINDY are a San Francisco based 4-piece consisting of guitarist/lead vocalist Karina Gill, guitarist Aaron Diko, bassist Jesse Jackson and drummer Simon Phillips, and have recently released their new album “Free Advice” through Mt. St. Mtn. and Tough Love Records. The label got in touch via email advising me to check it out...whether I advise YOU to do so however remains to be seen. 

The album opens up with “Discount Lawyer” and I’ll start with some free advice straight away. If you’re in a position where you do find yourself requiring a lawyer, don’t skimp...the last thing you want is your own defence lawyer shouting objection when the jury finds you NOT guilty. I digress...the track itself is a very subdued piece of hushed, lo-fi indie pop. The delicately strummed guitars are backed by an equally soft synth underlay, while Karina’s vocals are reduced to little more than a whispered, spoken word delivery, resulting in a very slow, stripped back, icy opener. 

We follow this up with the first of two, yes two, album highlights...sounds specific but I counted all of them I promise. “Falcon Heavy” utilises a similar tone in terms of their writing and playing, with all of the same elements, but the guitars and percussion here, while still minimal are more up-beat, and the track has a more jovial, positive quirkiness as a result. It’s chirpy in its simplicity and quite a pleasant little listen. “Wrong Answer” then turns everything up a notch or two courtesy of some more assertive, fuzzy guitars and a more rock-based approach, despite the vocals still suffering from a lack of presence. With all of those positives out of the way however, there are still eight tracks to sit through, and I make that sound more encouraging than it is. 

“Song 23” is only song five on the album, but feels like song two HUNDRED and three...the slow, dreary semi-acoustic piece of mellow instrumentation induces immediate sadness...take away the lyrics and it sounds like the rainy church scene in Disney’s Robin Hood, with the little mouse priest playing the organ in utter despondency in the face of hopelessness. Remember that? Depressed yet? I am. We have “A Song In French” which you’ll be shocked to learn isn’t in Japanese...there isn’t much to be said here really...take all of the above references to depression and translate them to French. Job done. “CSI Creeptown” to be honest sounds like a program I’d genuinely watch on TV, but sadly it isn’t an offshoot of the popular crime drama, what it IS, is more of the same, sombre indie. 

This sadly, is a stylistic approach that the album sticks to rather rigidly, which by closing number “Lost On Me”, sums up exactly how I feel about the album as a whole. I’m sure there’s a market and audience for this, funeral parlours perhaps, but jokes aside, very little here grips you. As a mature piece of ambient shoegaze it’s so quaint in its presentation, but so utterly boring. iTunes, actually, U2, I apologise. Cindy...here’s some free advice...quit while you’re behind. [2] 

WWW.CINDYTHEBAND.BANDCAMP.COM/MUSIC
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William Shatner - "The Blues"

6/10/2020

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Music: the final frontier. These are the voyages of GavTheGothicChav. My continuing mission, to explore strange new albums. To seek out new sounds and new genres. To boldly go where no reviewer has gone before! *Strange angelic vocal harmonies surround me while I Naruto-run around HMV* I find myself weirdly drawn to an unfamiliar section of the store...uncharted, if you will, and there it is. What I lay my eyes upon, no amount of Vulcan logic can explain...an album the likes of which, not even the fiercest Klyngon warrior would dare initiate combat...but it is my prime directive. I have to review; “The Blues” by WILLIAM SHATNER. 

Yes, William Shatner is, as you should be well aware, one of the most iconic pop-culture actors and performers to ever grace television and Hollywood. As James T. Kirk, he captained the USS Enterprise as Star Trek travelled beyond cult status, helping create a global sci-fi phenomenon still adored to this day. But while he is primarily remembered for this role, the man’s career spans seven decades, and as well as other film and tv projects, in 2020, at the age of 89...we find him releasing music. It wouldn’t be the first time; he’s released country and spoken word works in the past...but here we find him singing the blues...the question is, is this merely another entry in the captain's log, or just a steaming pile of Shatner? Let’s find out...
 


The album opens up with
“Sweet Home Chicago”, which, for a man born in Montreal is already casting suspicions. Instrumentally it’s fine it has to be said, the general rhythm and guitar tone here is textbook blues; it’s got that very distinct feel and energy and ticks all of the right blues rock boxes for about as cliched a listen as you could get, but vocally...in the words of George Takei...OH MY! Shatner has always been renowned for his off-kilter verbiage...he’s always delivered his lines in an almost disjointed manner while acting...but he does it singing too. It just sounds strange! Perhaps the blues allows for this as, like jazz, you just go where the mood and music takes you, but it still makes for a peculiar listen. 

Let’s be honest here Shatner is no singer and this album was never going to amaze anyone with his vocal prowess, especially at 89, but we’ll sift through some positives.
“Sunshine Of Your Love” and “Born Under A Bad Sign” showcase some of the albums more favourable performances...the guitars on the former allow for a darker, more brooding delivery. Lyrically I guess it’s a sweet love song as the title suggests but somehow Shatner makes it sound anything BUT consensual, which in it’s own ways is as funny as it is creepy. The latter then sounds like it could come straight out of a movie scene in some down-and-out roadhouse, but instead of starring someone cool like Patrick Swayze, it would be like, Rob Schneider or something. 

​CANNED HEAT
classic “Let’s Work Together” gets a showing and again, instrumentally it’s fine but Shatner sounds more like a motivational speaker or, site manager on a tight deadline as opposed to a singer, while his cover of “I Put A Spell On You” is, frankly remarkable. It’s a song that’s been covered multiple times over the years, but, credit to him, Shatner still manages to put a unique spin on it, only reinforced by the accompanying animated video which, I will let you just experience for yourself below. That right there really, I suppose is the best way to summarise this album...it’s not something you can simply listen to, it’s something you really just have to experience. As I said musically and instrumentally, it’s fine, he’s got some quality musicians driving this album, luckily, but vocally he’s got as much talent as a dead Tribble. With that said...the end of the album please Mr. Sulu...warp 9, that’s an order. [1] 

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/WILLIAMSHATNER
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Before Sunday - "Anticipation"

13/6/2020

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The other day, when I shared my newest “Unlucky Dip” collection, despite my clear favourites, there was one new artist in particular that peaked my interest; I’m just yet to determine if it was for all the right or wrong reasons. Yes you may remember me including a London-based duo by the name of BEFORE SUNDAY, who alongside some selected peers through Angels PR, covered “Square Hammer” by GHOST. Now I like this song a lot and you may recall I regarded the move as nothing short of bold, but the track was covered fairly traditionally without any needless bells and whistles, and credit to them they did it justice. Here is where the curiosity often kills the cat…

Given the band and track they covered, and having known nothing about the band prior to hearing said cover, I had to ask myself, was this a potentially new, up-and-coming alternative goth pop band? Can I look forward to some modern post-punk? Hell I’d settle for some retro dark-pop! In this instance…we sadly do not get any of those things. Yes the duo who make up Before Sunday; Nick Basis and Stella Panteloudi are a straight up pop act that just happen to appreciate a little rock ‘n’ roll influence here and there, and quite frankly I’m feeling catfished. But seeing as we’re here, they released their debut album recently entitled “Anticipation”…let me just tell you that mine has gone through the floor as opposed to the roof.

The album opens up with “Living In London” which to be fair is quite a catchy little piece of social commentary; highlighting the living conditions of living in the British capital, with the general ignorance of society leaving you feel alone in a population of millions…the generally overpriced day-to-day living and the often shitty weather. They paint a pretty bleak picture but I’m sure very many can relate. The track itself is a guitar driven piece of soft rock with ample swagger and a certain vocal drawl that in some ways finds itself between JOAN JETT and MILEY CYRUS…it’s a decent opener. “Big House” then follows up and the direction changes somewhat to say the least. The rockier guitars are replaced with more of a light, soulful funk aesthetic which coupled with the core pop delivery could pass for some, KYLIE MINOGUE or ALPHABEAT.

Even though the album is only ten tracks in length, it still manages to find itself book-ended with the better tracks at the beginning and the end, with the middle sort of just, existing. “Obsessions” for example is a wonderfully heartfelt, sombre piano/synth led pop ballad with a soaring vocal chorus. “Goddess” combines those gentle ballad qualities but brings back the funk-rich guitars and marries them with some innocently sweet vocal notes, before “Devil” rounds the album off on another guitar driven, rockier high note. It’s got a certain surging urgency to its delivery when it’s in full flow and the up-tempo intensity is welcome…they left it late but we actually get some of the slightest hints at more metallic instrumentation here that could be tied in to that Ghost cover.

As I said the middle of the album is generally generic pop music…the vocals on “Unconditional” are well produced and fine, “Gone” gives off Eurovision power ballad vibes and “Closed Doors” adapts more of a random country-pop aesthetic. While there’s nothing necessarily bad here, it’s a fine pop album with some good quality clean production, I can’t get that Ghost cover out of my head and can’t help but be somewhat disappointed by this album, which is a shame because there’s nothing wrong with it for what it is. It’s got its charm and does highlight a variety of genre influences all streamlined into one collection of quirky pop, but I was hoping for something more. I don’t even know what…maybe even like, OF MONSTERS & MEN or a SHINY TOY GUNS or something along those lines, which, sadly these are not. Before Sunday? More like never in a month of Sunday’s. [5]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/BEFORESUNDAYBAND
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Mirror Point - "Shine On"

31/5/2020

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It’s strange how certain things just stick with you as you grow up…for example, let’s say…North Carolina. Random, I know, like, I’ve never been there, I don’t have any family there, but embedded in my brain, is the fact that despite being born in Tennessee, Ric Flair comes from Charlotte, North Carolina (It’s a kayfabe thing). With that in mind, when a band slides into your email submissions stating that they too are from North Carolina, you instantly find yourself shouting “WOOOOO!” and knife-edge chopping everything in close proximity. (Excuse any following typo’s as I write this with a broken hand)

The band in question, are MIRROR POINT, who hail from Sanford and Cedar Creek, NC and consist of members Marc Killian, Travis Jones and Sketchy J. They recently got in touch with me asking me to check out their debut album “Shine On” which was released earlier this year through Mokovo Records. With an apparent variety of stylistic influences, let’s see if Mirror Point can mirror The Nature Boy, and be the limousine-ridin’, jet-flyin’, kiss stealin’, wheelin-dealin’ sons of  guns I personally hope they are.

​The mini-album opens up with “Winner Takes All” and we’re immediately met with some back-to-basics riffs and the typically clean yet, slightly bourbon coated vocals that make up your classic blues rock songbooks. It plods along really quite casually, quite middle of the road really before eventually picking up in intensity, exuding a more passionate instrumental display towards the tracks climax. It takes a minute or two to warm up but it gets there in the end. Not deserving of any winners medals, but it doesn’t come last either…it’s just taking part really. Next up we have a track called “PhenoBarbieDoll” and it’s one of their local radio successes. Another melodic, hard rocking blues-based number, it’s aimed at the trappings and troubles caused by social media; the anxiety it can give you trying to keep up appearances, the expectations of maintaining your plastic lifestyle, the fear of failure and the longing for fame. It’s quite a socially relevant track that has its points, but let’s not beat around the bush here the title is terrible. “PhenoBarbieDoll” sounds like a rip off, of a SyFy rip-off, of a straight to DVD Asylum rip-off of a low-budget “Annabelle” rip-off. We actually ran out of barrel to scrape…

​Looking further into some of their outside influences however, we get to another local radio success by the name of “Is This Was This”…I mean, if this WAS is and is was it wasn’t isn’t it? I thought so. A Latin/Hispanic fuelled little love song with clear yet subtle funk elements, and a certain Mediterranean flare, but plays on regrets, second guesses, absence an emotional confusion, touching upon PTSD, yet delivered in a predominantly light hearted manner. “Just Push Play” continues with the genre experimentation courtesy of a genuinely interesting combination of soulful 70’s funk, lounge jazz and modern hip-hop with a completely out of the blue rap-breakdown. The contrast manages to work without sounding jarring or like the world’s worst Nu Metal band, and that competition is TIGHT, so credit to them there.

The remainder of the record primarily consists of more, textbook blues-based hard rock which does have its moments of instrumental appeal, but sadly does become pretty generic over the course of the album, that IS only seven tracks long remember. Sure they dabbled in a few genres to spice things up but on a scale of black pepper to Bhut jolokia, that spice is toothpaste. Collectively, “Shine On” is harmless enough and you can appreciate it’s basic blues rock appeal, I mean they’re on the radio back home so they’re climbing that ladder, and there is an audience for blues based hard rock, I mean look at BLACK STONE CHERRY…it’s do-able, just on this instance, “Shine On” isn’t even as bright as one of Ric Flair’s bejewelled robes, let alone the 16-time world champion himself. To be the man, you gotta beat the man…Mirror Point have not beaten the man. Mirror Point are more like David Flair than Ric at this point. [5]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/MIRRORPOINTBAND
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Eurovision 2020: Nil Pois

18/5/2020

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Some of you may be thinking, Gav…how many reviews can you shoehorn references to Covid-19 into? Well…my friend, as it happens, as many as I want. You see while a lot of you are crying over 2020 festival season being buggered into next year, I’ve got my own agenda. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy festival experiences, but I am instead honestly quite reclusive, so one of the things I personally look forward to every year is the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST.

Long-time readers will know I usually cover the show in some way shape or form, be it a run-down of finalists, covering past winner’s releases, or even just live-Tweeting the event…this year, I can’t enjoy this. This year I couldn’t look forward to sitting in front of my TV on the rare occasion I do, to watch Graham Norton sarcastically bury a plethora of countries. This year I couldn’t respectfully raise a glass of Bailey’s to Sir Terry Wogan during song 9, (Who am I kidding it’s a bottle of Jack). This year I couldn’t even get annoyed by the very political voting system I expect each and every fucking year as if it’s some shocking conspiracy. Covid-19 brought an end to all of that…and for that…I despise you, even though you’ve given me two months off work paid. 1st world problems, yes, but still. Alas…what I CAN do at least is channel my inner Jim Bowen, and have a look at who could have won, as Eurovision still at least released the 41-track CD of each countries entry. With that said…Good Evening Rotterdam! Open up, and let’s shine a light on the performers to see who gets 12 points….

​I’m going to preface this by stating that no I am NOT going to be analysing every one of the 41 entries as frankly I don’t even think lockdown is long enough for me to do that, but I will mull over my personal highlights, and as usual, the Eurovision double-album does things alphabetically, so we start with Albania. Their entry is “Fall From The Sky”, performed by ARILENA ARA and it’s one of two primary Eurovision tropes…heartfelt ballad, or fucking bonkers. This one falls into ballad category and as an opening track it’s a fairly safe one. The light piano allowing Arilena’s emotive, powerful vocals to really shine and there’s a dramatic intensity to this performance; a wonderful start. If you enjoyed that ballad however, hold on to that thought because you’re going to get sick of them over the next say, I don’t know… album? 

Armenia’s entry “Chains On You” by ATHENA MANOUKAIN tries to modernise things with some middle-eastern inspired trap and mumble rap…as far as the genre goes it’s fine, it’s the kind of thing you’d find Charlie Sloth spinning, but it’s not for me. Australia are still participating even though their initial anniversary guest spot was a few years ago now, and their entry “Don’t Break Me”, performed by MONTAIGNE is…another pop ballad. Granted the modern production and bold yet husky vocals find her somewhere between say, DUA LIPA and SIA in some ways, and it’s not bad. Onion Bhaji are up next…sorry, no, Azerbaijan are up next with “Cleopatra” performed by EFENDI and we get more middle-eastern / Egyptian musical influence, before leading into more Western pop stylistics…up until the part where they start summoning demons and shit…honestly that’s what it sounds like. Seriously, I thought my desk was going to start floating or my eyeballs were going to bleed!

Let’s see what else we have here…Belgium’s entry “Release Me” by HOOVERPHONIC in its own ways sounds like a BTEC version of BILLIE EILISH doing a Bond Theme…that’s the best and only way of describing that, you’re going to have to get way off of my back about that one. Skipping ahead now but keeping a colour scheme it’s Germany who have the next real highlight with the track “Violent Thing” by BEN DOLIC. Sadly the track is about as violent as two kittens having a pillow fight…I was expecting this year’s rock entry or something but we get another up-tempo pop offering. It’s got some brass elements and a bit of funk, and an impressive high note, resulting in quite a catchy little track, but it’s not what I was hoping for. Speaking of getting my hopes up, I ALWAYS look for Finland’s entry since LORDI won it in 2006, and this year, their entry “Looking Back” by AKSEL was…meh. It’s a pleasant indie-pop piece with ample melody, nothing like Lordi, or even SAARA AALTO from 2018; disappointing this one I’m afraid, you let me down Finland.
Next up, we have the United Kingdom…and as a Welshman, you might think I’m going to be biased here, that I’m going to sing praises to our entry as if they’re God’s gift to mainstream music…well I can assure you, that you are wrong. JAMES NEWMAN is our entry for this year with the track “My Last Breath” and I would sooner give up my last breath than have this song win the competition, despite it making things logistically easier for me to attend in 2021. Another copy and paste type of emotional male-led pop song akin to anyone from JAMES ARTHUR or SAM SMITH or any generic bollocks like that…it’s just so bloody boring! Georgia on the other hand, do somewhat peak my interest…”Take Me As I Am” by TORNIKE KIPIANI is, admittedly, lyrically fucking awful, let me make that clear, but the deep, electronic tinged moody indie tones easily mirror the styles and sounds of say, IMAGINE DRAGONS or AWOLATION etc, and this is arguably as dark as things get this year.

Skipping eagerly ahead now as we’re still only about half way here, we get Ireland and honestly…this would have been a contender for the competitions winner to break their own record, securing eight competition victories. “Story Of My Life” by LESLEY ROY gives off some serious KATY PERRY vibes…it’s a bouncy, light-hearted absolute banger of a pop anthem. Sure there’s repetition, a little instrumental monotony and some childish qualities but this is the kind of track you’d understand being all over commercial radio this Summer time…never mind the political voting, Covid-19 potentially robbed Ireland of this year’s win! Do they have any contenders however? Why in fact yes they do, and there is some STRONG competition from Iceland, and who some may say are favourites to win; DAðI FREYR with the song “Think About Things”. A synth-rich, full on disco-funk driven indie track…it is so simple in execution with the most basic of hooks, so much groove in so little effort, this is superb.
Jumping forward then we have THE ROOP with their entry “On Fire” for Lithuania…and it’s another basic pop track with pulsing electronic elements, dance-pop qualities with all of the synth laden hooks, it’s not as good as past winners such as MÅNS ZELMERLÖW for example but it’s along the same vein and personally I enjoy this, it’s arguably my favourite, despite some questionable vocals in places…and the video is as stated above; fucking bonkers. The rest of the album sadly doesn’t really throw up many particular highlights or memorable tracks, other than “Uno” by LITTLE BIG representing Russia. The “Skibidi” outfit had my attention going into the competition don’t get me wrong, but they’ve done better. Granted they’ve likely been heavily censored but still! SKIBIDI WA-PA-POW! The video does make me laugh mind…it’s all in the knees fam.

Romania come in with the track “Alcohol You” and I thought I was being offered a pint in broken English to be honest, so imagine my disappointment when ROXEN starts warbling her moody, sultry vocals…a slow, albeit grandiose track , though KORPIKLAANI drink better to be fair. Serbia rock up then with “Hasta La Vista” and the name alone has me hooked…have HURRICANE been sent from the future by Sky Net to secure Eurovision victory? In short…no…imagine someone installed LimeWire on the T-800 and the sheer amount of internet aids rendered it out of order. I’ll be very surprised if you’ll be back. Eventually then, and finally, we find ourselves at Ukraine, listening to “Solovey” by GO_A, and luckily, we conclude the album on an unorthodox yet enjoyable note. The traditional native tones of the vocal performance and woodwind elements coupled with a solid dance-pop aesthetic allow for a genuinely soothing and fun listen…I mean I haven’t got a fucking clue what they are saying but I like it!

After all of that, it really is heart-breaking to know that, given Eurovision’s six-decade legacy and tradition, none of the above entries will be able to represent their respective nations and try to put themselves in the history books. Granted some of these songs work better as a stage performance with character and gimmicks as opposed to straight up audio content, but that doesn’t detract what would have been an entertaining evening of live entertainment and multicultural acceptance of diversity. I know I rant and roast but I honestly enjoy the Eurovision Song Contest…I look forward to it every year, and hopefully it comes back all guns blazing in 2021. Where…who knows…no country has ever done two in a row from winning, so will Holland get to host again on a technicality? We can only wait and see…until then, Europe, you’re a beautiful bunch of bastards, for the record, I didn’t vote for Brexit I voted remain…and as far as Covid-19 goes…nil pois.
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Yerachmiel - "Off The Derech"

25/4/2020

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Dave Grohl is the most wholesome of rock stars, honestly he’s a good egg, and during these unprecedented times, we can all take a page out of the book of Grohl and channel the track “Times Like These”; we can learn to live again…we can learn to love again. Or (And I can’t stress this enough) not, as this next review goes to show that it’s also times like these where, I in fact regret diving into my email submissions. Honestly, you know the original music video for that very song where they are throwing a pile of shit off that bridge? I’d sooner yeet MYSELF off the bridge than listen to this next record…but I will try and be fair.

I’m all for firsts here…I’ve listened to and reviewed plenty of different genres in the past, everything from blackened death metal to K-pop…but never have I ever come across an album classified as ‘Jewish folk-pop’…until now. YERACHMIEL who was originally based in New York, recently moved to Israel where he has fully immersed himself in the culture and traditions of his religion and heritage, and he uses these influences and inspirations to fuel quite the prolific musical career it would seem! “Off The Derech” is his 6th studio album; a collection of 21 original songs which he’s asked me to check out. Truth be told I’d rather bath with my nan, but out of respect and I guess curiosity…let’s give this a whirl.

The album opens up with “Great To Be Alive” and having been on lock-down for five weeks now, this sentiment is already testing my patience. The track itself is admittedly a pleasant little dose of melodic soft-rock; the loose guitar play and light piano combine well to give off a certain late 80’s / early 90’s feel…you could maybe bracket it alongside the likes of JIMI JAMISON for example, but the levels of positivity here are borderline sickly. This positive energy is also incredibly abundant in the track “Temple”. It’s starts off as if it’s the intro theme to some cheesy 1970’s family sitcom, but it oozes its loving message of faith and togetherness to point where you feel like you’re watching Songs Of Praise trying to be edgy. I have my fingers on MY temples…and I require co-codamol.

One thing I will say for Yerachmiel mind is that he isn’t afraid to dabble in crossover genres…I mean the last thing you’ expect to find in an Israeli recording studio is reggaeton or ska, but that’s exactly what you find on “7th Wonder” and “Your Name Be Praise”.  The former is as though BOB MARLEY got so fucking high one day he woke up in the middle east, with its brass-based low-fi instrumentation, while the latter houses more of a subtle, indie-based core sound akin to say, UB40. It’s honestly an interesting mash-up I’ll give it that. True highlights however are sadly minimal and frankly hard to point out…”Earth Is Trembling” does have a solid, up-tempo, oompah rhythm which is both fun and energetic, despite it's damning opinion of mankind. “Tears In A Falling Rain” combines a soulful, funk aesthetic with the more traditionalist middle eastern percussion, while the string instrumentation on “Stay True” borders on country bluegrass.

It’s a confused album quite frankly, and over the course of the twenty one tracks here it’s as though he’s thrown whatever he could at the wall just to see what stuck, and to be honest  I don’t think he cared if something stuck or not. There is a lot going on here and we can all really respectfully say that, this track listing can do with a bit of a cull. I’m not suggesting we go all Nazi and wipe the album out entirely, that would be in poor taste even for me…but the album doesn’t need to be THIS long, especially with so many of the tracks already suffering from repetition. Off The Derech? I must be off my rocker to have believed I might enjoy this one, this really isn’t my cup of Wissotzky. [2]

PURCHASE / STREAM "OFF THE DERECH" HERE
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Alkaline Trio - "E.P." EP

28/3/2020

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For those of you living under a rock, good, stay there and self-isolate. For the rest of you, you’ll be aware that the world is currently being absolutely shafted by the on-going Coronavirus pandemic; with thousands of directly linked Covid-19 deaths reportedly recorded worldwide…supposedly 23,721 at this time of writing. Basically, life has for the most part, practically ground to a halt, as many people have to either work from home or have been furloughed indefinitely during this time of uncertainty, but while that covers all aspects of life, as summer approaches we can’t overlook the severe impact it’s had on music, more specifically concerts and festivals.

Just recently, UK heavy hitter Download Festival announced it was essentially writing this year off entirely, as have Glastonbury and Isle Of Wight, with Slam Dunk being fortunate enough to reschedule for later this year (Assuming things don’t continue to go tits up). It’s not JUST festivals though, as any large gathering is now prohibited in the interest of public safety, so bye-bye MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE reunion shows too! (We haven't long suffered flooding in Wales I don't particularly want to drown in a sea of emo tears thank you!) One of the tours, I would have not only given my left testicle to attend, but I would have sold my last roll of toilet paper too…and that would have been BAD RELIGION and ALKALINE TRIO. The trio are wholesome punks however, and themselves, personally not wanting everyone to miss out, went and dropped a surprise three-track EP simply entitled “E.P.” to make up for not being able to perform. As we’re all currently on lock-down, let’s take 10 minutes to appreciate this generous gift…

The EP opens up with “Minds Like Minefields” and we’re swiftly greeted with the up-tempo, alt. pop-punk that Alkaline Trio have made their own over the course of their career. It mixes a great, catchy off-kilter delivery with an intense, alternating instrumental flurry and some subdued yet distinct whoa-oh backing vocals. In typical Matt Skiba fashion it’s a darkly poetic love song about the aftermath of a damaging relationship leaving you mentally unstable to some degree, but delivered with so much bounce and energy it’s actually uplifting; a fantastic start this.

We follow this up with “Radio Violence” and we welcome Dan Andriano back to vocals which has always been part of Alkaline Trio’s appeal…the dual vocal styles not only gel well but it allows for completely different approaches to the bands writing and overall sound. The track retains the bands punk aesthetics when it gets going, including some sleek guitar work, but it has a lighter, more pop-oriented delivery, with its quirky chords and fun instrumentation; the band sound like they’re enjoying themselves here…if they’re trying to spread a little positivity it’s working.

Finally then we finish up on “Smokestack” and it’s like we’re taken right back to the “Damnesia” sessions…for the simple campfire acoustic approach is, surprisingly, yet another strength of Trio’s song-writing prowess, for not only can they write solid punk rock bangers and alternative goth punk anthems, they can also absolutely nail an acoustic folk ballad and they prove that here effortlessly. While not AS good as renditions of “Every Thug Needs A Lady” for example, it’s easily good enough to have been taken off that same compilation, and this mellow simplicity is just as stirring as their more perturbed punk rock, highlighting their talent for emotive story telling. The guys are quite obviously on top form here and quite frankly, just as with the recent VILLE VALO EP, the three songs only make you want to hear more, but if this is the level of material they’re putting out, whatever comes next will certainly be worth the wait. They dropped this EP because they felt bad about fans not getting to see them live because of this stupid virus…so I implore you now, the very next moment you get an opportunity to catch them live and thank them (Hopefully rescheduled shows with Bad Religion) you do it. I know I will. [9]

WWW.ALKALINETRIO.COM
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VV - "Gothica Fennica Vol.1" EP

25/3/2020

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​Back in 2017, the gothic rock community found itself in an official state of mourning. You might think, well, nothing fucking new by there? But, we had a legitimate excuse for our smudged eye liner. You see, everyone’s favourite romantic-rockers HIM, were officially no more. Yes following the departure of long-time drummer Mika Karppinen (Gas) and the appointment of Jukka Kröger (Kosmo), plus the fairly lukewarm reception of “Tears On Tape”…there were a lot of mixed feelings within the HIM camp…and a lot of uncertainty. Over this period, one thing eventually led to another, and after a series of farewell shows, the Heartagram had seemingly stopped beating. Tears were no longer merely on tape, they were on the cheeks of thousands of distraught fans across the globe…and it hurt.

Granted there were other projects that trickled out from certain members of the band…we got a fantastic 3rd installment from DANIEL LIONEYE courtesy of guitarist Mikko Lindström…as well as a couple of the guys forming FLAT EARTH, but it just wasn’t the same. What was Ville Valo up to? As the voice of HIM, he naturally carried the most intrigue, and while he did tease some activity with the release of the Finnish language single "Olet mun kaikuluotain", as well as reuniting with former collaborators THE AGENTS for some more traditional Finnish classics…he’s been incredibly quiet, almost suspiciously quiet…until now. On March 20th, 2020, Ville, under the new moniker of VV, surprised everyone by dropping three new tracks on an EP entitled “Gothica Fennica Vol.1”. With a modified Heartagram on the cover…was this what HIM fans had been craving for so long? Tissues at the ready folks, this might get emotional.

We get underway with ”Salute The Sanguine” and as the soft, near synthetic guitar melodies meander through your speakers, you can’t help but feel overwhelmed with, dear I say it…a foreboding sense of impending happiness. This is in its own right fitting as the delicate tones of not only the instrumentation but Ville’s voice hark back to albums such as “Screamworks…” and “Dark Light”; there’s a vulnerability to his voice that adds heaps of sentiment. Conceptually an interesting one, as sanguine is essentially a colour, or pigment used in a lot of centuries old artwork and self-portraits, resembling the shade of dried blood. It’s as if he’s looking back fondly on his career as if it had been dusted off having been locked away, appreciating the memories and what they gave him, with each scar a story, but knowing too that he isn’t the same man as before. This ties in nicely to the modified Heartagram…for like the music accompanying it; it’s a little HIM, but it isn’t, though it’s still beautiful.

Next up we have “Run Away From The Sun” and again here we’re immediately met with Ville’s gentle croon over more soft rock guitars and mellow acoustics. Another smooth and melodic offering, this is accessible as any of HIM’s lightest works as though Ville has embraced more of an indie-pop aesthetic, while retaining his core, lyrically melancholic writing style, allowing for those distinct HIM tropes. Speaking of, closing track “Saturnine Saturnalia” is the most HIM-sounding of the three tracks presented here and while not specifically raucous or rocking, it carries with it a distinct aura of hurt and emotional torment, mixing Ville’s honey coated vocals with a more sombre dose of doom and gothic stylistics. It’s got more prominent riff work and sounds like it could have come from one of the old “Venus Doom” demo sessions, fitting in with the likes of “Cyanide Sun” aesthetically, allowing for a deeper, ever so slightly darker listen.

If I may come across as selfish for a moment, sadly, these are the only three tracks presented here but while naturally wanting more, we have to be grateful of a couple of key things. To start, Ville is once again releasing music in any capacity, that’s the main thing, but the fact that the Heartagram has returned and his music is more akin to the styles and sounds of old is not only heart-warming, but brings with it hope. He’s clearly finding his feet again, and despite being only three tracks long, having been away for three years now, “Gothica…” is an effortlessly good start. The fact too that it’s merely volume one hints at more music down the line, and if these three tracks are anything to go by, we’re in for a fucking treat. Never mind the sanguine, Ville Valo, we salute you and welcome back sir! [10]

LINK TO ALL VV STREAMING AND MERCH OUTLETS
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Secret Treehouse - "The Big Rewind"

11/1/2020

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As it’s now 2020, my New Year’s resolution is to focus a lot more on email submissions from bands and record labels/PR companies, when it comes to my review content on this little blog. I’m not for one minute suggesting I’m going to actually succeed in this…remember that scene from Bruce Almighty when Jim Carey is bombarded with prayers? That’s pretty much me as I attempt to juggle listening time, writing time, working full time and, oh yeah, occasionally 3, maybe 4 hours sleep if I’m lucky…nevertheless, I continue.

Today’s review is the beginning of my resolution, but we do have to go all the way back to DECEMBER 2018…I mean I had to get Time Team to dig this one out! Let me explain. Yes on December 4th, 2018, I received an email from a Norwegian pop group by the name of SECRET TREEHOUSE, who were typically doing their rounds, promoting their upcoming single “Fear Of Frogs”, which was to be taken off of their debut album “The Big Rewind”. Now as you’re aware I don’t generally review singles, so, I thought I’d save the email and keep checking back and forth over the coming weeks, awaiting the album. A couple of weeks did pass…nothing…a couple of months then passed yet still I found no album, the Secret Treehouse really were keeping this album a fucking secret! Fast forward to December 2019 however, and while I’m going over my end of year lists and clearing out some emails ready to start afresh, I stumble upon that saved email, having completely forgotten by this point and after a quick look, I discover they have in fact FINALLY released that bloody album! With that said, and regardless of how out-dated this review now actually is, here are my thoughts on the frankly ironically titled “The Big Rewind”.

The album opens up with that initial single “Fear Of Frogs” and to be fair it starts things off really quite promisingly. A song about the fear of unintentionally misleading someone in love, it gives off a rich 80’s synth-pop vibe with some incredibly catchy melodies, over Anja Bere’s velvety smooth vocals. In certain ways it combines the likes of OF MONSTERS AND MEN with ROBYN and THE CRANBERRIES, resulting in really quite a pleasant track. The same can be said for “Too Young” which also houses more of this pulsing electronic style although it isn’t quite as up-beat.

A lot of the record combines elements of indie, with a more shoegaze pop aesthetic, resulting a very easy listening album overall…”Wrong Hands” is a really chilled ambient piece of indie that slowly builds to some wonderfully emotive guitar, getting better and better as it winds up to its gentle crescendo. The title track manages to sound soft yet simultaneously bold, being able to pull off the sort of radio ballad COLDPLAY would churn out, while more recent single “Do You Remember” has a more lulling tone, in places giving off an almost subtle LOU REED vibe, before closing track “Hero” rounds things up with a delicate little acoustic piece, emphasising the sweetness of Anja’s hushed vocal notes.

The question I have to ask myself is, considering I was made aware of this album back in 2018…was it actually worth waiting until 2020 to review it? To a degree, no…but that’s not a direct knock on this record. Fans of this sort of dreamy pop soundscape will appreciate the tenderness and tranquility that makes up the bulk of this record, despite the initial single suggesting a far more up-tempo, retro-pop direction. It’s not a bad album by any means, and what Secret Treehouse do they do well, but it’s hardly The Simpsons Treehouse Of Horror. With their second album due to drop sometime in 2020, maybe I’ll get around to reviewing it in around two years or so…somebody remind me though yeah? [5]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/SECRETTREEHOUSEMUSIC
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GTGC 2019: A Year In Review

30/12/2019

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2019 has like most years, been a strong year for new music. It doesn't matter what genre we're talking about; it's been a year of triumphant returns, exploratory and experimental albums and EP's and an overall win for you and me, the consumer. Over the past 12 months, in between changes in my personal life with relationships and employment, undertaking a completely new job with no prior training or background, I've still done my best to keep on top of new music, more specifically my reviews, despite my own mental health which I don't really talk about much. With all of that said, I've still managed to listen to a total of 274 brand new EP's and albums in 2019 and out of all of those, I've managed to whittle down that number to a categorised series of Best Of lists. Ranging from EP's specifically, to pop music, metal and my own personal favourite releases of the year, I've managed to expand my listening experiences and broaden my horizons to allow myself to grow as a reviewer, and these albums sum that up quite well in my opinion. While I've already shared these lists on social media, such as my Twitter ( @GavinJGriffiths ) my Instagram ( @gavthegothicchav ) and my Facebook page ( www.facebook.com/GTGCReviews ) I wanted to give a more in-depth look at my choices for the year, and my individual scoring of each record...essentially doing a Dave Meltzer star-rating system for each individual track. I hope you find my choices interesting, and as usual, I've compiled my official Spotify end of year playlist which I've included at the bottom of this post for your listening pleasure. Here's to 2020 where all of this starts again...until next time...have a happy new year, and, A LITTLE BIT OF THE BUBBLY! 

GavTheGothicChav: Top 20 EP's Of 2019

20] KILO KISH - "Redux" EP - 1.60/5
19] HEAVY LUNGS - "Measure" EP - 1.60/5
18] NAUT - "Semele" EP - 1.66/5
17] INTERPOL - "A Fine Mess" EP 1.80/5
16] POPPY - "Choke" EP - 1.80/5
15] SODOM - "Out Of The Fontline Trench" EP - 1.80/5
14] YUNGBLUD - "The Underrated Youth" EP - 1.83/5
13] BENNY BASSETT - "Words For Yesterday" EP - 1.83/5
12] 8MM - "Heart Shaped Hell" EP - 2.00/5
11] MILEY CYRUS - "She Is Coming" EP - 2.00/5
10] CATHEDRAL IN FLAMES - "Children Of The Blackest Hole" EP - 2.20/5
09] SKYLAR GREY - "Angel With Tattoos" EP - 2.20/5
08] SUN ARCANA - "Just Another Dream Away" EP - 2.20/5
07] PALAYE ROYALE - "Massacre, The New American Dream" EP - 2.25/5
06] YEAR OF THE LOCUST - "Year Of The Locust" EP - 2.25/5
05] RXPTRS - "I" EP - 2.40/5
04] LIL NAS X - "7" EP - 2.50/5
03] HAWTHORN AVENUE - "Wildfire" EP - 2.50/5
02] HER DESPAIR - "Exorcisms Of Eroticism" EP - 2.50/5
01] SOME VILLAINS - "Outliars" EP - 2.75/5

GavTheGothicChav: Top 20 Pop Albums Of 2019

20] P!NK - "Hurts 2 B Human" - 1.53/5
19] BASTILLE - "Doom Days" - 1.54/5
18] TOM WALKER - "What A Time To Be Alive" - 1.57/5
17] BILLIE EILISH - "When We All Fall Asleep Where Do We Go" - 1.57/5
16] EMMA BUNTON - "My Happy Place" - 1.60/5
15] POST MALONE - "Hollywood's Bleeding" - 1.64/5
14] BLACKPINK - "In Your Area" - 1.66/5
13] KERLI - "Shadow Works" - 1.66/5
12] MIKA - "My Name Is Michael Holbrook" - 1.69/5
11] ALICE MERTON - "Mint" - 1.81/5
10] SIGRID - "Sucker Punch" - 1.83/5
09] LEWIS CAPALDI - "Divinely Inspired To A Hellish Extent" - 1.83/5
08] MARINA - "Love + Hate" - 1.87/5
07] DAVE - "Psychodrama" - 1.90/5
06] BUSTED - Half Way There" - 1.90/5
05] WILDWOOD KIN - "Wildwood Kin" - 2.10/5
04] WILL YOUNG - "Lexicon" - 2.16/5
03] JAMES BLUNT - "Once Upon A Mind" - 2.18/5
02] HANTE. - "Fierce" - 2.23/5
01] SCANDROID - "The Light" - 2.28/5

GavTheGothicChav; Top 20 Metal Albums Of 2019

20] KHAIDIAN - "Penumbra" - 2.00/5
19] INCITE - "Built To Destroy" - 2.00/5
18] LEACH - "Hymns For The Hollow" - 2.00/5
17] SWALLOW THE SUN - "When A Shadow Is Forced Into The Light" - 2.00/5
16] HEARTSICK - "Sleep Cycles" - 2.07/5
15] CRYSTAL LAKE - "Helix" - 2.08/5
14] AS I LAY DYING - "Shaped By Fire" - 2.08/5
13] KILLSWITCH ENGAGE - "Atonement" - 2.09/5
12] FALLUJAH - "Undying Light" - 2.10/5
11] AFTERLIFE - "Breaking Point" - 2.10/5
10] THROUGH THE NOISE - "Dualism" - 2.11/5
09] KAAMOS WARRIORS - "Ikuisen Talven Sarastus" - 2.12/5
08] ABIGAIL WILLIAMS - "Walk Beyond The Dark" - 2.14/5
07] AMON AMARTH - "Berzerker" - 2.16/5
06] MEGADETH - "Warheads On Foreheads" - 2.20/5
05] SOILWORK - "Verkligheten" - 2.33/5
04] DEMON HUNTER - "War" - 2.40/5
03] CORRODED - "Bitter" - 2.41/5
02] ROTTING CHRIST - "The Heretics" - 2.41/5
​01] CHILDREN OF BODOM - "Hexed" - 2.45/5

GavTheGothicChav: The Best Of 2019

20] RISKEE & THE RIDICULE - "Body Bag Your Scene" - 2.33/5
19] DEMON HUNTER - "Peace" - 2.40/5
18] THE DIRTY YOUTH - "Utopia" - 2.40/5
17] DREAMSTATE - "Primrose Path" - 2.40/5
16] THE WRAITH - "Gloom Ballet" - 2.41/5
15] NORTHLANE - "Alien" - 2.45/5
14] D-A-D - "A Prayer For The Loud" - 2.45/5
13] PAPA ROACH - "Who Do You Trust?" - 2.50/5
12] SUM 41 - "Order In Decline" - 2.50/5
11] IN FLAMES - "I, The Mask" - 2.50/5
10] WHILE SHE SLEEPS - "So What?" - 2.54/5
09] BAD RELIGION - "Age Of Unreason" - 2.57/5
08] LINDEMANN - "F & M" - 2.69/5
07] WEEZER - "Teal Album" - 2.75/5
06] MOTIONLESS IN WHITE - "Disguise" - 2.81/5
05] RAMMSTEIN - "Rammstein" - 2.90/5
04] YONAKA - "Don't Wait 'Til Tomorrow" - 3.00/5
03] LACUNA COIL - "Black Anima" - 3.18/5
02] THE 69 EYES - "West End" - 3.27/5
01] BLAQK AUDIO - "Only Things We Love" - 3.33/5
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The Maine - "You Are OK"

28/8/2019

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We live in a world where everything seems to be, well, for want of a better word; fucked. The USA is, in many cases, devolving rapidly as a country socio-politically when it comes to human rights. Between deportation issues, police brutality and abortion debates; it’s becoming less ‘united’ by the day. Speaking of the US, mass shootings! Popular as ever apparently! We’ve got Boris Johnson this side of the pond, who, for all intents and purposes is like, an Everyday Value version of Donald Trump, despite his privileged upbringing, and he’s attempting to questionably force the country through a geo-political trade clusterfuck. The Amazon rainforest is STILL on fire, which is far more important than Notre Dame burning but hey, it’s only trees so that’s fine I’m guessing? It’s not like we need to, you know, breathe? People continue to watch Love Island, reaffirming the rise in mental health issues and for some reason, McDonald’s named their new burger the “Double Quarter Pounder”…guys…I don’t know if you noticed…but two quarters makes a half? It’s…it’s literally a half pounder. I thought it was just failed students that worked there who need to whip their dick out just to count to eleven, turns out their marketing team struggle with maths too! Alas, when we’re faced with all of this…we need a beacon of hope, and a message of reassurance and positivity…and that’s where THE MAINE come in with their new album “You Are OK”.

The Arizona-based alt. pop-rockers have been around since 2007 and have built themselves a loyal following over the years. After early tours supporting the likes of GOOD CHARLOTTE and THE ACADEMY IS…, 2019 welcomes them back with their 7th studio album, to remind everyone one that, while there’s a lot going tits up in the world, you’re doing alright. So without further ado let’s cast out any negativity and realise that we are indeed OK. The album opens up with a touch of macabre courtesy of “Slip The Noose” and it’s about a special encounter, leading to salvation and safety. That special someone that manages to let you see and think clearly, preventing you from doing something you’ll regret is so invaluable in life, and it’s delivered with an up-beat dose of happy-go-lucky indie-pop. It’s got some light riffs, some strings and some solid drum fills, yet manages to retain a sort of, MARK OWEN pop-vibe vocally.

“Numb Without You”
lyrically highlights a juxtaposition of feelings and emotions that all flourish at once during a relationship; both negative and positive…and like marriage vows typically state, “For better or worse”, it means life and love will have up’s and down’s, but it’s testament to your character how you overcome the worst bits to flourish in the best, and this track champions that very mind set. With more string accompaniment, we’re given a sweeping emo-inspired pop anthem with soaring gang vocals and it’s got an impassioned chorus. Album highlight “Heaven, We’re Already There” takes that formula and refines it to deliver a much more intense, hook-laden synth-tinged, emo-rock banger that, in places reminds of KIDS IN GLASS HOUSES during the chorus and it’s an absolute belter of a track this, really well done.

Elsewhere, “One Sunset” with its energetic, tinny guitar tone and gradual build to a beaming chorus makes it impossible to not tap your foot and bob your head along to this, another fun, bubbly track, while “Tears Won’t Cry” retains that guitar tone and has certain, modern boy band charm akin to artists such as THE VAMPS or the like. “Flowers On The Grave” does allow for a bit of a come-down however ,with a 9-minute-plus acoustic driven pop ballad with some lulling piano…it DOES liven up courtesy of some rockier sequences and progressions, but overall the track ebbs and flows between sounding highly animated and anti-climactic at the same time. Despite this, the album as a whole just oozes a positive, enthusing simplicity resulting a genuinely easy-listening feel-good record. Like I mentioned earlier, the world is on its arse at the moment, and times are testing…but you need to be reminded that you’ve got this…you’re doing alright…you ARE OK. Unless you voted Conservative…you’re not OK…fuck you. [7]

WWW.THEMAINEBAND.COM
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Bruce Springsteen - "Western Stars"

18/7/2019

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IT’S BOSS TIME!!!!! No, don’t worry, my name isn’t Michael Cole and I’m not about to run commentary on WWE’s Sasha Banks (Though in hindsight that may have been a little more entertaining to be honest)…but we are of course going to be focusing our attention on the boss himself; Mr BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN. The man needs little to no introduction; one of the most successful recording artists of all time, Springsteen’s career spans decades and he has the hits and accolades to show for it. EVERYONE knows classics such as 1975’s “Born To Run”, even up to his critically acclaimed track “The Wrestler” in 2009, but now, ten years later in 2019, at the sprightly age of 69 we find The Boss still churning out records…

Not taking into account his plethora of live recordings and EP’s, Springsteen recently released his nineteenth studio album entitled “Western Stars”. A return to his solo recording style, firmly based around story-telling with orchestral arrangements, and in this instance, inspired by 70’s Californian pop music. With a rich range of themes based on American tropes such as lonely highways, and the feelings of isolation travelling vast desert spaces through the US, let’s check it out and see if this bona fide western star can still shine so far into his career...

​We open up with “Hitch Hikin’” and let it be said in advance that, the name sums up the journey through this album really quite appropriately; a seemingly endless wait for something to come and pick you up with no real guarantees. With its softly plucked acoustic yet, tinny guitar, it’s got an almost southern blue-grass aesthetic filtering in ever so slightly, before an elegant, sweeping string section gives the track more instrumental depth. Everything is soothing but here Springsteen’s voice comes across as occasionally monotonous. While a lot of this record is generally stripped back and mellow, there are a couple of points of interest worth highlighting…lead single “Hello Sunshine”  houses a tranquil, almost tropical guitar tone while more delicate strings meander through your ears. Despite its down-tempo approach and low-key vibe it’s still a positive little song and you can’t help but feel relaxed having listened to it.

“Sundown”
despite its livelier tone, incorporating subtle blues elements and a more powerful vocal performance tells a sad tale of solitude and loneliness, spending the nights alone drifting from bar to bar, missing the one he holds dearest in his heart. The real album highlight however comes courtesy of “Sleepy Joe’s Café”…far more up-beat and jovial, it’s anything but sleepy as it utilises an old-school rock ‘n’ roll feel, coupled with organs and a brass accompaniment ; it’s a genuinely fun, light-hearted little track. Sadly, the rest of the album, despite Springsteen’s narrative and penchant for story-telling within his songs, comes across as a tad lifeless for the most part.

“Drive Fast (The Stuntman)”
for example, despite admittedly being composed beautifully, exudes nowhere near the level of energy you’d expect given its name, leaving you somewhat disappointed. You hope for something zestful, something bold and boisterous, yet it’s everything but. “Chasin’ Wild Horses” suffers from the same issues; the title portrays something maybe a touch chaotic, but honestly he couldn’t catch a bloody cold here let alone a wild horse, before luckily, we eventually finish up at “Moonlight Motel”. Given the general pacing of the album overall, it’s both fitting from the point of the albums narrative, and ironic as having listened to the album from start to finish, you could do with putting your head down for a couple of hours. Springsteen can obviously still weave wonderful stories and concepts into his song writing, and musically there’s nothing really wrong with these tracks at all, the orchestral elements especially sound lovely, but it’s a very restrained record that struggles to warrant many repeat listens. If you prefer your music to be more easy-listening then sure you may enjoy this a lot more, but on this occasion it would appear that the boss has taken some annual leave…[4]

WWW.BRUCESPRINGSTEEN.NET
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Hawthorn Avenue - "Wildfire" EP

18/6/2019

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“I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do…and for the people who DO like country music, 'denigrate' means 'put down.'” – Bob Newhart. All jokes aside, country music isn’t something we hear a lot of in the UK, and by a lot of I mean, virtually any; it’s just not a thing. We’ve got plenty of talented singer/songwriters, but country music to us is a very American thing…a very, cowboy hat wearing, moonshine drinking, horse-riding, rootin’ tootin’ arguably inbred (If you’re down South at least) American thing.

That’s not to say that it’s all bad however, no sirree, as I’m sure everyone can agree that the likes of JOHNNY CASH and TAMMY WYNETTE are iconic performers, and they, like so many others helped take country music off of the front porch into packed out concert halls across the states. Although, while the UK doesn’t have a flourishing country scene, we do have artists that take influence from the genre and that leads us into today’s review; let me introduce you to HAWTHORN AVENUE.

The duo from Neath (Consisting of Marcus Gumms and Laura Benjamin) initially met in 2015 while both playing the South Wales live circuit and immediately gravitated toward each other creatively, starting out at jam nights where they found their feet in terms of collaborating. Laura, a multi-instrumentalist grew up loving music from a young age and looks up to the likes of TAYLOR SWIFT and CARRIE UNDERWOOD, while Marcus admits he just saw some guy on Stars In Their Eyes doing Johnny Cash and thought to himself ‘That’s what I’m going to do’…and he did! The duo have recently released their debut EP entitled “Wildfire” and have asked me to check it out…I guess it’s time to saddle up…

The EP opens up with “Raised Me Better” and it combines subtle organ notes with soft country blues and a crisp pop aesthetic…with its vocal harmonies, powerful key-changes yet an easy-listening approach, it delivers a wonderfully smooth, simplistic country-pop number. Hick-pop if you will. The songs message of restraint and composure allows for a positive outlook and sets a good example; be the better person, and it’s really quite lovely; a good start this. “Fade Away” strips things right back to a gently plucked acoustic-driven piece with subtle nods to a Native American woodwind influence. It’s a hushed, mellow little track with an emotive delivery, though picks up ever so slightly over time, incorporating more electric guitar and growing in volume and intensity, yet manages to stay restrained.

“The Water’s Edge”
follows in the same vein with another sombre country ballad; with its sweet, delicate acoustics and silky vocal harmonies…it’s a quaint little track but out of the four presented here, it’s arguably the weakest of the bunch, though you can appreciate its tenderness. We do however finish on a strong note and the EP’s title track is a clear EP highlight in every sense of the term. “Wildfire” returns to a more up-beat presentation blending their love of country stylistics with a more modern indie-pop tone and the resulting track is full of sass, swagger and rhythm. The tinny guitar, dual vocal harmonies and a fantastically hook-laden, melodic chorus means this song is impossible to not enjoy, and it bookends this EP perfectly. Country may not be all too lucrative within the UK market, but here Hawthorn Avenue prove that you can utilise that distinct country style to great effect when blended in with a more modern, pop-oriented sound. After listening to this, I really hope this wildfire spreads…god that sounds terrible doesn’t it…[8]

SPECIAL OFFER
: Hawthorn Avenue will be playing a live show on August 14th at CLWB IFOR BACH in Cardiff, and if you want to catch them live, order your ticket from the link below, using the special link below, with the promotional code GAVIN10 and you’ll save yourself 10% on the ticket price! What are you waiting for!

APPLY GAVIN10 TO GET 10% OFF YOUR TICKET HERE
WWW.HAWTHORN-AVENUE.COM
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Buckcherry - "Warpaint"

15/6/2019

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So I’ve got this confession to make…no I’m not coming out as a heterosexual white male that uses an online platform to give a personal opinion why; that would be career suicide! I jest…my confession is with regards to my approach to music. Sure, whether it’s here or for other publications, my reviews are always from an open-minded, honest perspective, trying to take into account more than just my own personal preferences for whichever artist I may be dealing with…but it doesn’t stop me having those personal preferences. For instance, I’ll go on record now for saying that, in my opinion, NIRVANA are a pile of shit…many would disagree, Courtney Love might try to set me up on a date with a Remington Model-11 for saying such a thing, but while I CAN admit they are an incredibly important and influential band in the evolution of alternative music…I just don’t like them.

This brings me to today’s band; BUCKCHERRY. The Californian rockers have been going for quite some time now and, I first heard of them back in 2001 when I discovered a track called “Slammin’”. It was a great, rock ‘n’ roll track and even though I was more concerned about Nu Metal at the time, I still enjoyed it for what it was. Fast forward a couple of years however, and I’m reintroduced to Buckcherry, as we come to arguably one of the worst successful rock songs ever recorded; “Crazy Bitch”. Seriously this song is 100% cringe in every conceivable way…everyone gives NICKELBACK a hard time when this fucking song exists, what are we doing like?! It’s AWFUL. Anyway needless to say, I was put off Buckcherry…I can’t be dealing with that, nope, no Sir, no thank you. BUT, in the interest of equality (And the fact that you chose them on my last readers choice poll you evil bunch of bastards) I’m going to give them another chance…earlier this year they released album number eight; “Warpaint”, and I’m on the front line prepared to do battle…come at me brah!

The album opens up with the title track and to be perfectly honest; it’s really not bad. It keeps things nice and simple to be fair, incorporating blues-based hard rock with a southern groove and some sleek guitar licks. The solo blends in well allowing the track to flow really smoothly without sounding jarring, it’s not been thrown in the mix ‘just because’ like some solo’s, actually adding to the track, and Josh Todd’s vocals while still distinct, are a touch subdued here, giving off a mellower vibe. It’s actually a decent little opener. If you do prefer mellow, “Right Now” initially has you covered as it continues with the light blues rock inspired guitar tone but strips back to a more acoustic-based delivery, although the chorus is far livelier and, remember what I said about solo’s? Yep…this one came out of nowhere quicker than you can say Randy Orton, and the song can’t seem to decide what it wants to be.

Let’s try and remain objectively positive though shall we and look at the highlights…”No Regrets” is a quirky little up-beat punk-rock inspired piece; it’s fun, it’s light-hearted and you can’t not enjoy this…from the clap-along segments, the tinny, rockabilly guitar stylistics and general skater-rock vibe, it’s just a happy track and at under 3-minutes, it’s an easy highlight. Closing track “The Devil’s In The Details” remains up-beat but returns to a more straightforward hard rocking / classic rock ‘n’ roll aesthetic with a fine riff carrying the track. “The Vacuum” raises a chuckle from me to be honest as in a funny twist of irony, it doesn’t completely suck. The riffs are solid and there’s an enjoyable melody layered throughout the track, resulting in quite an emotive listen, especially with Josh again holding back vocally, but the real highlight and frankly surprising inclusion here is a cover of NINE INCH NAILS classic “Head Like A Hole”.  Granted it’s not the same seething, industrial behemoth crafted by the vitriolic Trent Reznor, but the bass-heavy riffs still sound powerful here and it’s a great choice of cover; it’s a quality track to be fair and it’s done justice.  Is it as good as MILEY CYRUS’ cover on Black Mirror though?  I’ll let you reach your own conclusions there…

The rest of the album simply plods along really quite anonymously to be perfectly honest. “Radio Song” is a clichéd little acoustic piece with rich string-sections clearly aimed at finding commercial airplay while being both incredibly self-aware and  taking a subtle swipe at the mainstream, while “The Alarm” isn’t going to be waking anyone up in a hurry. Its’ slow pace and generally lethargic instrumentation makes for a predominantly boring listen, while Josh’s vocals come across as too much for the pace of the track at times, he’s shouting over it almost and it’s a bit off. Overall though I have to admit, it’s not a terrible album, not by any means…”Crazy Bitch” was quite a while ago now and I can’t hold on to these grudges forever, and while I do still hate that song with a burning passion, this album is fine, they seemed to have calmed down a bit, which I’m all for. I mean, just think, Josh Todd could have done something ridiculous like, release a god-awful, embarrassing rap-rock/dub album, undoing any and all regained credibility I’ve just found in the band, couldn’t he! Wait…what? Who are SPRAYGUN WAR? Oh for fuck’s sake…[6]

WWW.BUCKCHERRY.COM
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Culann - "The Great Ecumene"

31/5/2019

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What do you get, when you combine a love of classical prog-rock, centuries old medieval mythology and a generous portion of haggis, neeps and tatties? Aside from one incredibly psychedelic episode of Ready Steady Cook, it stereotypically brings us to today’s band; let me introduce you to CULANN. The unsigned five-piece (Consisting of vocalist/guitarist PJ Kelly, drummer Sean Kelly, guitarist Greg Irish, bassist Calum Davies plus Ross McCluskie on the keys) formed in Irvine, Scotland several years ago and made quite the initial impact on the Scottish rock scene! With praise from several regional radio stations following their 2012 self-titled debut, they found themselves winning the ‘Best Rock’ category at the 2013 SAMA’s (Scottish Alternative Music Awards) and have been growing ever since. Appropriately named after an ancient Celtic/Gaelic smithy, it’s fitting that they’ve already forged their anticipated follow-up album “The Great Ecumene”…and the lads have asked me to give it a listen! So let’s crack open the Irn-Bru and check it out!

The album opens up with “Evonium” and once again the band highlights their appreciation and interest in history, stories of old and Celtic heritage, as the word is the name of a purported ancient city, which is said to have stood where Irvine is now. The track itself is initially really quite jovial and up-beat, combining light riffs, subtle poly-rhythms and a bright, bubbly piano lead, while vocally PJ harbours a clean, emotive indie-rock tone. The swift key-changes and solo flurry emphasise the bands love of prog however, and it all combines to create one genuinely interesting track. “Event Without Experience” follows up and while continuing with the up-tempo approach they’ve opted for a more guitar-driven track here; it’s sounding that much grittier and ever so slightly more chaotic, though it’s not heavy.

The first real album highlight however comes courtesy of “Brewing Of Ale” (Of course I like the track that in some way shape or form involves alcohol)…starting life as a sweet little acoustic number it soon evolves into a fully-fledged folk-rock ballad, and although still housing those prog-elements it’s the folk qualities that shine through, especially with the prominence of the Scottish accent here; it’s delivered wonderfully. “All Reverie” continues the feel-good factor with a more simplified, melodic pop-rock number and it’s just an enjoyable, easy-listening effort, which can also be said for “Aegis”. Generally more of the same; but ever so slightly more pop-punk in tone, giving it that ever so subtle edge…it’s another stand-out track.

There are some solid funk-elements incorporated into “Man Alive” adding extra flavour to their fundamentally prog-approach but that, along with the solo and the seven minute plus run time, means this one does come across as a little indulgent in places. The title track practically echoes its own name; essentially describing the entire known inhabited land mass, meaning Ecumene sadly seems to go on forever, sounding mostly sluggish throughout, before we eventually finish up doing a bit of shopping back in Cardiff. I jest; “Queen Street” closes proceedings with another folk-inspired acoustic-led ballad…quaint but anti-climactic. Overall mind you, it’s easy to see why Culann hit the ground running following their formation; with a knack for a clean melody, lyrical storytelling and well-executed instrumentation, it certainly seems unjust that they’re still currently unsigned.  Prog-rock IS more of an acquired taste, just like the aforementioned haggis, but it’s certainly worth a try…[6]

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/CULANNBAND
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    Gavin J Griffiths, a.k.a GavTheGothicChav, lover of new music and supporter of bands. Inspired by a mixture of horror and comedy, and fueled by a blend of alcohol and sarcasm...if you're a singer / in a band and would like a review written up, please do get in touch via the email address at the top of the page and I'll get back to you ASAP. Much love x

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