Back in 2022, I gave myself PTSTD’s...it’s a combination of post-traumatic stress and sexually transmitted diseases. Even the crabs have flashbacks. It’s my own fault frankly, as I discovered an artist by the name of KIM PETRAS, and I dived in, without any protection whatsoever, to the filthiest EP I had ever subjected my hearing to, by the name of “Slut Pop”. It’s like, remember LimeWire? You’d download an album, only for it to be a corrupt file of questionable nature, and your laptop ended up with some incurable super AIDS? Well, this was that, but the file isn’t even corrupt, and you still ended up with the super AIDS. Even Freddy Mercury winced, and he’d been dead for 31 years. 

Kim is a German-born transgender artist who, as we found out rather unashamedly, is not afraid of controversy, and by that, I mean, she doesn't necessarily wear her heart on her sleeve, she more sort of spreads her legs in a manner that could make a Basking shark blush, perhaps wider than you can fathom, with a flashing neon sign stating free parking. After a highly successful run however, with a massively popular collaboration with SAM SMITH, and “King Of Hearts” from her 2023 album “Feed The Beast” being a legit bop, we find Kim back in the gutter for another incredulous dose of debauchery. This is “Slut Pop Miami”, and I hope you brought tissues...for your tears you degenerates! We aren’t going all Randy Marsh on this album! 

We gape, sorry, open up with “Slut Pop Reprise” and it acts as a transition of sorts, bridging the original EP into this sequel or follow up I guess...round two...sloppy seconds if you will. There’s a heavy sense of lyrical repetition and she’s proud of her oral prowess, but the chorus does admittedly house decent Euro-pop dance qualities and that alone is already an improvement on the EP. The chorus (If you can even call it that) is actually catchy, with its bassy electronica and autotune rich presentation. I’m praising autotune...make of that what you will. 

Speaking of oral, we follow this up with “Gag On It” and we have some lovely sound effects underlying an off-kilter, almost jazzy, funk-based piece of retro synth. I say sound effects, I’d be surprised if this wasn’t actual audio ripped from some Brazzers clip, but listening to it, it sounds as appealing as you could expect. I struggle gargling mouthwash, for perspective. Don’t ask questions just go with me on this one, please, I’m already a broken man. Mr Muscle loves the jobs you hate but even he wouldn’t touch this. 

Next up we have “Fuckin’ This Fuckin’ That” and fuckin’ hell...what the fuck? It houses this, almost MR. OIZO “Flat Beat” aesthetic, just slowed down, but lyrically even Samuel L Jackson is like motherfucker calm down with the fucks! He’s famously renowned for his F-bombs over his storied acting career, and Kim here is giving him a run for his money on one song. I NEED to see Samuel L Jackson perform this on that “Lip Sync Battle” show. It’s fucking awful though, honestly. 

Following on from this we have “Banana Boat” and, is it politically incorrect of me wanting to deport the bitch based on this song? Instrumentally it’s returned to a more stripped back, very generic formula of seedy, pulsing electronic simplicity, and while there are subtle hints at a CHARLI XCX influence towards the tracks climax, we’re going down on the route of sexual innuendo with an innocent piece of fruit, like some bi-curious George.  

If hell exists, I’m going there for this next one, as “Get Fucked” incorporates vocals akin to that “Satisfaction” song by BENNY BENASSI and, its less Stephen Hawking, more Stephen Horny. Dribbling from multiple places stuck in his wheelchair on Epstein Island. Sat there, blue screening out of over-stimulation. “Rim Job” is self-explanatory, we won’t be needing Trevor and Chance from Smosh to give another visual interpretation on TNTL. Lines like “He sing a ballad while I’m tossin’ his salad” are impure at their poetic finest, as the electronic beat here pulses, tickling your taint with more Charli XCX influenced pop. 

Musically speaking, “Head Head Honcho” is arguably the albums highlight, with it’s very light, airy, 80’s inspired synth-pop; it’s quite poppy and had some genuinely decent little hooks instrumentally, but you can’t take this seriously with the lyrical content. I’m not saying you HAVE to take this seriously, of course not, but you can’t help but shake your head while you try to vibe to this. Lines like “I’m a penis genius, I’m a semen Jesus” and circumcision references like “I like the taste, no poncho” can’t help but make me think, had Kim been a little older, she would have been a superstar on shows like "Eurotrash" or, "Tarrant On TV". Or Graham Norton when he was unhinged on Channel 4. 

I’m not going to cover every track here, but I have to talk about “Whale Cock” before I go and that’s a thing I never imagined typing. Tongue in cheek references to Moby Dick are one thing, but the lyric “Lookin’ for my Shamu (Free Willy!)” honestly nearly made me spit my wine out. I legit laughed out loud at that and will continue to do so every time I hear it. I have to give her credit for that, that’s genuinely funny being so out of the blue. It’s worth those couple of seconds alone, just like me in bed. Sorry to brag. 

The question here now, really, is, how are we rating this? Other than ‘R’. We established from the EP that, musically, this side of Kim Petras is entirely a separate entity from her mainstream pop career. She has released genuinely decent pop music and has the collaborations to back up her credibility, so this is purely an indulgent bit of creative, albeit filthy fun. Is it for everyone? Absolutely not, but it’s not meant to be.  

There IS improvement here instrumentally with some tracks having actual catchy elements, but the formula is for the most part, the same. While the lyrical content is again, far from vanilla, we’re met with more repetitive, light-techno pop, subtle garage elements, and retro aesthetics that plateau very early on. It’s niche, like the 4 US States where beastiality isn’t formally illegal (I’m looking at you Hawaii, New Mexico, West Virgina and Wyoming, and well done for ruining my search history looking for that). Is it worth a listen? I mean realistically no, but it’s better than REGINA HARDON. The bar wasn’t high let's be fair. In terms of slut pop, Kim Petras really is the head honcho. [2] 

You’ll know and understand by now that, I seldom take myself seriously when it comes to my written review content. Don’t get me wrong, there are albums that I do genuinely adore, and occasionally a new band, or artist will pop up that I legitimately recommend and promote wholeheartedly, but, for the most part, I prefer the challenges of the downright questionable.  

There are records by the likes of say, COREY FELDMAN or, BIG DUMB FACE that I’ve tried to be fair with, despite me needing to clean grey matter from under my fingernails, having scratched my head so hard out of confusion. But neither of these were necessarily offensive to my eardrums, despite the low scores, just, stylistically quirky in their own right; unique in many aspects, and unashamedly indulgent in the particular artistic avenues they chose to travel down.  

There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s funny when they get upset. Corey, I accept if I got it wrong when I thought you were in one of the “Sharknado” films... HOWEVER, you proudly correcting me that you were instead in an indie-flick about periods that nobody has heard of is no better. That isn’t cult status, that’s a typo. Wes Borland? I gave your Big Dumb sequel a 5 out of 10, because I was honestly on the fence. I didn’t hate it, I just explained that it’s been a long time since the first big dumb album...people tend to forget. People were going to listen to the new one and think, what in the ever-loving fuck is this?! It’s like, you expect some LIMP BIZKIT, but when you open the tin its Nan’s sewing kit. I digress. 

However, there are then those records that exist in spite of common decency...the kind of art that would wipe the smile off of even Bob Ross’ face. The kind of content that, if spoken of in a confession booth, would find the priest asking for forgiveness while hiding your body. Such records include that WILLIAM SHATNER blues album...that “Ram Ranch” album which is less yee-haw and more hell-naw, and we can’t forget KIM PETRAS. That last one ties us into today’s review...let me explain. 

If you recall, Kim’s “Slut Pop” EP was quite simply filth. I mean it delivered on its promise, being one of the sluttiest selections of sexualised dance-pop anyone has ever heard outside of a Brazzers shoot. But it has a challenger. Let me, try to introduce you to REGINA HARDON. Little is known about Regina; to the point where we don’t particularly know if she’s even actually real, with some suggesting it’s some sort of AI project. Allegedly UK based, the only biography I can find on her is riddled with nonsense and there is nothing but mystique surrounding her. This year found her releasing her debut EP; “Bucket Pussy”, as she implores the listener to “grab a raincoat and explore her anatomy”. I implore you to grab your toaster and run a bath...let’s get this over with. 

The EP opens up (I mean it’s practically gaping to be honest) with “Call Me Kim”. While contextually you could believe this to be a direct nod to Miss Petras, for opening the floodgates for such content, it’s more than likely an out-of-date reference to Kim Kardashian given some of the lyrics, and once again it’s the lyrics that grab your attention harder than Donald Trump can grab a pussy.  

It’s for the best part a track about getting dicked and making a sex tape essentially, and some of this lyricism is simply poetic. “Come in my room lets have some fun, see how many dicks you can fit in my bum” ...you going for a Guinness world record love? How many do you need up there like? “Rub my clit let's make a porno, make sure you strum it just like a banjo” ...ah yes, the banjo, the most seductive of instruments. Nothing says passionate love making like the sound of being sodomised by hillbillies. “Swallow your kids – call it child neglect” and “Murder this bussy like you’re Jeffrey Dahmer” ...make you double-take, but the following lines legitimately made me laugh out loud. “Think I queefed when you went down on me, blasted you away like Hurricane Sandy” and last but by no means least, “Find my clitoris, make me wet, pussy talk French oui oui baguette”. Words evade me I swear...we’re only one track in and I’m at a loss. We haven’t even touched on the music. It's slow, low and synth-driven with minimal clapped percussion with light high-hat dustings...it’s frankly irrelevant. Seriously, it’s ONLY background noise as she spoken-word raps away in a very flat, lifeless manner; this is awful. 

We follow up with “In The Air” and we’ve got more of a pulsing electronic aesthetic kicking things off, before the first line “Took a shit in the shower”. Marvellous. She didn’t even waffle stomp it down the plug hole, dirty bitch. The vocal delivery here is more regimented, almost bullet pointed and cold, very synthetic in presentation, and it remains this way for the track's duration in more of that spoken word style. She’s on about, doing yoga on the pole, paying for drinks with her hole, all the while at the bar with her dad? More absurd lyrics about sex and it’s really quite one-dimensional already. In the air? In the bin with this one. 

Halfway there now and we have her first single I believe; “Never Been To Mexico”. Now, I myself have never been to Mexico, but I promise you this instant, you’ll never see me writing and recording songs about riding dick because of it. I don’t care how good the tacos are. Apparently, it’s about giving sexual favours in return for being spoiled with exotic holidays and such, sort of unashamedly sugar-daddy-ish. The instrumentation again is minimal at best, some synth-effects giving off an echoed sound, with more basic high-hat tickling. More lines like “My bum is soft like an uncooked chicken breast” continue to ensure this is utterly ridiculous and it’s already not funny by this point. You’ve probably never been to Mexico because they won’t allow you into the country, on account of you likely being so incredibly infectious with a catalogue of STD’s. North America wouldn’t have seen such devastation to its populations health since Columbus landed! 

There’s nothing subtle about our next track; “Sitting On His Face”. It’s got this almost icy hip-hop / trap style beat which gives it more of an urban vibe, which does admittedly accompany Regina’s vocal delivery better, but that’s about as much of a compliment you’ll get out of me for this entire EP. Her spoken style and presentation here honestly reminds me of that LOUIS THEROUX money jiggle-jiggle rap, that’s how toneless we’re talking. Some of the lyrics here are outright nasty, like, seriously I want to jet wash my ear drums with a flamethrower. “I start to cream but its green cause I’m clapped” and “His tongue is in my sandwich; he’s having a picnic” nearly put me off my kebab. NEARLY. 

Finally, then we finish on (No I won't say that I won't give it the satisfaction), we conclude this EP with the title track, “Bucket Pussy” and we’d have been naïve to expect anything different here really, wouldn’t we? It’s another subdued, lightly synth layered, percussive piece of background noise for more eloquently delivered smut, as she proudly describes the sheer enormity of her massive apocalyptic minge. There is a slight key change to her vocals on the chorus, if you can call it that...so there IS progression...but it’s far, far too little too late for redemption at this point.  

Given the lack of variety in Regina’s monotone vocal delivery it’s easy to see where the AI accusations come from, as well as the lack of information and photos, but regardless of if she is some computer-generated project or not, this EP is about as entertaining as chemotherapy and about as welcome as Jimmy Saville hosting BBC's Children In Need. The music is an afterthought and contributes next to nothing of merit, while the flat delivery of such strumpet loaded lyrics makes you wonder, what is the point? There is the briefest period of amusement on first listen given the ridiculousness of the content, but the shock value and humour dissipates well before the end of this five-track EP. I could let a Brazilian wandering spider bite me directly on the dick and I still wouldn’t get hard for Regina here, honestly, I think we’ve found a cure for priapism. This is one of the single worst things I’ve heard in my entire life. Sure, I’ll call you Kim, but I’m calling my ass an Uber because having listened to that, I’m off to the GUM clinic. [0]

Let’s tackle some new music, shall we? My last couple of posts here have essentially been me indulging in my own sense of teenage nostalgia; briefly looking back at my own personal growth and evolution in music over twenty years, but this is GTGC not AVGN, as we can’t keep going back to the past, and I’d certainly rather not eat the rotten asshole of a roadkill skunk, regardless of the beer I was downing it with! (If you know, you know) We must keep our ears to the ground; listening out for fresh new tunes. Or just use the internet...that’ll be easier. With that being said, let me introduce to you today’s subject of review; a Scottish artist by the name of DEWAR. 

Kirsty Dewar is a Falkirk-based singer-songwriter who has been in the game for fifteen years now, and has worked with a plethora of huge names in pop music, ranging from RONAN KEATING to the SUGABABES. Kirsty got in touch with me through LinkedIn, generally asking about my written content. I supplied her some links, and she was kind enough to trust me with a review. Trust is a strong word; this genuinely isn’t foreshadowing. I promised her a write-up for her latest release; “Rudiment” which came out on September 1st, and despite not being my usual cup of tea, it would have been rude for me to ignore her. Let’s check it out... 

We open up with a track called “Alone Again” and it really sets the tone for a generally heavy-hearted listen. It starts with this plodding, anguished percussion and the saddest, softly plucked, echoing guitar strings, and the tracks vibe is one of true pain and longing, before we even get to Dewar’s vocals. She sings of a loneliness and love-loss, facing life's challenges on her own again once more, and she sounds genuinely defeated. This is very emotive stuff. 

Following this we have “Waste My Time” which has more of a funk-based, groove-rich approach instrumentally, despite having a similar tempo. There’s more of a swagger and defiance to her vocal delivery in the chorus here, and it’s a more attitude-fuelled track all in all. “The Show Is Never Over” retains elements of funk but houses more of a soft, 80’s pop aesthetic with her clean, semi-soulful vocals, and the retro aspects work well. 

So far so good but generally safe, do we have any highlights here that stand out? “Wolves” has a wonderfully gritter indie vibe to the chorus, it’s quite bold and assertive, carrying some lovely vocal hooks akin to MACHINE HEART at times, with a lyrical vulnerability, and more prominent guitar in places that inject life into the track. “To See You” is arguably our choice pick here, as the piano, low-key synth aspects and percussion allow for a simple yet effective pop ballad. It’s easy to see that Dewar has previously worked with Sugababes, as it would easily befit the likes of them, ATOMIC KITTEN or GIRLS ALOUD for example in terms of its tone, layered vocal production and presentation. Not as energetic perhaps but it works. 

We round the album off with “Dance In The Shadows” that has more of the hushed vocals over soft piano; very percussion driven and it’s the kind of track that fans of RAE MORRIS would appreciate, before we aptly close things with “This Chapter”. It’s primarily more of the same, and ultimately, we end as we started. That’s not strictly a negative comment, but there is an aspect of this album that is primarily formulaic, bordering on one-dimensional over its run-time. 

Sure, here on “Rudiment” Dewar delivers a fine collection of softly emotive, ballad-driven indie pop, with funk, folk and soulful influences sprinkled throughout, giving it enough character to be pleasant, but nothing truly jumps out at you, aside from a few key changes or vocal hooks. I guess the title here is fitting in that aspect as, at its core principles, this is a pretty straightforward, no-nonsense album that revels in its own simplicity. It's not overtly flashy, it’s not ground-breaking, but it is contemporary as a lot of artists like MYLEY CYRUS, BILLIE EILISH and LEWIS CAPALDI etc are all peddling powerfully emotional pop ballads. Dewar has a good quality vocal projection and has plenty of confidence in her singing and song writing, but other than fleeting moments here and there it sticks to its own unwavering path creatively, resulting in a mostly mimetic listen. I guess you could say rudimentary, my dear Watson...[6] 

What is there to say about 2020, that hasn't already been said? Within these reviews over the past nine months I've light-heartedly made reference to issues like Covid-19 and such, but let's not detract from the seriousness of the whole situation. As a calendar year, 2020 was one of the most difficult, frustrating, upsetting and confusing in recent history, and this isn't strictly down to Coronavirus...this time last year we were on the brink of World War 3! Politics has been a shambles, social injustice has been rife, the divide in both community spirit and the classes seemingly continues to grow, and generally speaking, the world is a complete mess. Luckily we've had music to keep us going, if not to keep us sane, and for that at least I am grateful. The images above showcase my personal highlights of 2020, grouped in categories covering pop, metal, EP's and general favourites, and it shows that, despite the state of the world, music flourishes. Music and the arts are SO important, as many of us learned during national lockdown, and we need to appreciate the people who dedicated their lives to creating that art SO much, because times like these prove we'd be lost without them. 

I mean, just looking at the cover art above, it's been as diverse a year as any. MILEY CYRUS embraced her inner rocker on her new album, having collaborated with the likes of BILLY IDOL and JOAN JETT. Groups like STEPS made an unexpected comeback showing they've still got it in an ever changing pop industry, as did MELANIE C. From a metal standpoint, PARADISE LOST prove they just get better with age, as they not only released one of the albums of their career, they also found themselves in the UK Top 40! Imagine that! Goth metal on Radio 1! It gives hope to newer acts like SOUTH OF SALEM who delivered a truly stunning debut album, and certify themselves as ones to watch for sure. There have also been plenty of superb EP's released over the past twelve months...especially VV. Ville Valo surprised everyone with his 3-track EP and HIM fans rejoiced at the new material, I for one certainly cannot wait to hear more from him. CHRISTINE AND THE QUEENS put emphasis on the art as their whole EP was turned into one big choreographed music video which was impressive, while I personally made some brilliant discoveries in the form of LUCIA & THE BEST BOYS and JACKIE. 

Finally then, my official albums of the year, and I was spoiled for choice to be fair. THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE always deliver, they never release a bad album and I'm looking forward to catching up with Chibi on the rescheduled tour dates. MARILYN MANSON dropped his best album in years much to my delight, having found his last couple a little bit boring (Sorry Mazza!), GREY DAZE tugged at the heartstrings with a touching tribute to the late Chester Bennington, releasing unheard material from his pre-LINKIN PARK days, reminding us all how much we'll miss such a talented, brilliant human being. NINJA SEX PARTY on the other hand proved they remain one of the funniest groups around with their bonkers writing style, comedic lyricism and story-telling and wholesome attitude. Yes, 2020 has been a bit of a mess to say the least, but we've still got music, and as fans of that music, we've still got one another, and as a community, we need to hold on to that. With that said, below, is my official GTGC Spotify playlist of 2020, with 40 hand-picked tracks spanning the above records, and it is dedicated to my very good friend Scot 'JD' Rees, who is sadly no longer with us in body, but will forever be with us in heart and spirit. Whether he had a Jack & Coke in his hand, or his guitar, he was always laughing at something, and his energy for enjoyment was infectious. I will miss you Scot, and this compilation is for you. X

Allow me if I may, to cast your minds back...to May; a time of year I anticipate with a varying degree of excitement and self-loathing. A birthday perhaps? No... those never excite me...though statistically people who have more birthdays live longer. That’s a fact. But no, I am of course talking about, the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST.  

​I bet you’re thinking, Gav, you already covered the 2020 Eurovision Song Contest in a rather lengthy, frankly indulgent post? It was cancelled because of Coronavirus, leaving you rather irate with only the 40+ track accompanying album to review...what more could you possibly say? Well, my friends...as it happens, A LOT. You see I may or may not have overlooked the fact that, there is also a JUNIOR version of the song contest, which apparently France won this past weekend. I bet I also know what you’re thinking now; Gav...no, please? They are children?! You couldn’t possibly?!?!? That...sounds darker than it needs to...nevertheless! I am about to review, the Junior Eurovision Song Contest, 2020. Does this count as child abuse? 

While not having the 60+ year heritage of the actual contest, the junior version is itself still in its 18th year and is continuing to grow, providing an international platform for budding young artists and performers hoping to make a career in the music industry. This year the contest was meant to be held in Poland, the first time in Eurovision history a nation has held it twice consecutively, but due to the ongoing issues regarding Covid-19, only 12 nations chose to participate, and it was televised from separate national studios instead of having one live-performance final. With the slogan #MoveTheWorld, it captured a positive message of togetherness and safeguarding the future, as the younger generations look to make the world a better place. Sadly, that time will have to wait, as I’m about to review the shit out of these twelve entries... 

For the purpose of convenience, I’ll be running through the tracks in order of their album placing according to Spotify, as opposed to the actual running order of the final, so if you choose to listen, this list will at least be cohesive whether you agree with me or not, and we start with Belarus. ARINA PEHTEREVA gets us underway with the track “Aliens”, and apparently, she’s only 12 years old. Seriously...what do they put in the water in Belarus? Aside from 70% of the Chernobyl fallout. The semi-hushed, soulful pop effort with brief hip-hop elements sounds far more mature than her 12 years and it's actually an impressive vocal performance... I mean if she’s 12, then I’M an alien...shooketh I am! 

Next up we have Germany, and it marks their first ever entry into the Junior version of the contest. Well, they need something to do in the absence of the Hitler Youth, right? I jest. (Come on it’s been 75 years get over it) ...the track is called “Stronger With You” by a young lady named SUSAN. Really? Not to nit-pick here but, Susan is the least German sounding German ever... doing a weekly grocery shop in ALDI is about as German as Susan gets. I digress. The 14-year-old delivers a traditionally performed pop-ballad in a mixture of German and English, dramatic and cliched, it’s basic, safe Eurovision fodder and sadly boring as a result. She came last by the way. Take that, Susan. 

Moving on to Spain next, and the song “Palante” by a 9-year-old girl by the name of SOLEA. Apparently, a slang term for “Keep going” or, “Go for it” in Spanish, its intent is obviously positive and encouraging, motivational even, and the overall Latino/Hispanic pop grooves while stereotypical, aren’t dreadful. I mean it’s not as shit as “Despacito” ...there...praised a nine-year-old. Quickly hopping across the border then to France and we have our aforementioned winner; an 11-year-old named VALENTINA with a track called “J’imagine”. Other than sounding like Jimmy Saville’s own brand of cologne (Hey why does this smell like Rohyp....zZzZzZz) it’s performed in French, like most of the French entries, and comprises of a predominantly inoffensive, quirky, up-beat piece of sweet-pop. The track itself is nothing spectacular, but what’s funny is someone has edited Valentina’s Wikipedia page, stating that she cheated. No proof, just calling her a cheater. And I thought I was petty and bitter!? That’s actually amused me, well done, random butt-hurt person. 

We’re a third of the way through now thankfully as we head over to Georgia, to check out SANDRA GADELIA and her entry “You Are Not Alone”. To be fair, you are undoubtedly correct here as I cannot be the only one not having a good time right now. Here is the shock twist however...the piano ballad is fuelled by some incredibly and impressively powerful, emotive vocals. This has some presence and one has to tip his hat where it’s warranted. There’s a SLIGHTLY dodgy key-change which makes you question it’s necessity, but other than that, well done; an album high-light this. 

Next up we have KARAKAT BASHANOVA representing Kazakhstan, though while not as popular as Borat globally, she probably brings less shame upon her country. At 12 years old she’s currently attending a musical boarding school where she is classically training in violin and piano, which is beyond evident in the more mature, operatic / ballet composition of the song. It’s quite elegant in all fairness and again, impresses. It’s still pretty safe, your typical ballad in terms of Eurovision, but this young lady has a potentially bright future in musical theatre for sure. Jagshemash!  

Moving swiftly on to Malta next as we find CHANEL MONSEIGNEUR singing her entry “Chasing Sunsets” ...it is, undeniably, yet another by-numbers soft pop-ballad which, for the pre-teen is delivered clearly and confidently and it’s a pleasant pop song as a whole, but this is getting a little rinse and repeat by this point. It’s getting difficult to find anything of real interest...forget chasing sunsets this is more like chasing the dragon now. Also, there is a pattern forming...can our next entry mix things up a bit? Well, a bit is fitting. UNITY who are representing Netherlands here, aren’t just a young female solo artist...no, they are a group of young female artists! Did any boys enter this at all? It’s not a bad thing if they didn’t but it’s certainly interesting. Performing a track called “Best Friends”, they essentially come across as a sort of, teenage LITTLE MIX. Littler Mix, if you will. That about sums up the track. 

We’re into the final third now as we get host nation Poland and their entry “I’ll Be Standing”, by ALA TRACZ. Not to be confused with Alcatraz, but it does feel like I’ve served some sort of life sentence up to this point. It’s got an assertive chorus rich in percussion, brass AND synth elements while the young lady fleets back and forth her native tongue and English vocals, and really its quite up-beat; this is far from the worst track here. Serbia are up next and we get our first male performer of the contest...PETAR ANICIC and his song “Heartbeat”...and I’m not going to lie when I say my mind instantly went to some, Serbian rip-off of a certain 1960’s Yorkshire based police drama. I can’t imagine Serbian police letting Greengrass off so lightly for poaching though if I’m honest. Anyway, it’s another piano ballad, what a surprise. 

Our penultimate track comes from Russia with love, as SOFIA FESKOVA performs her track “My New Day” and it’s yet another, sickly-sweet pop-ballad. I mean she’s clearly got Disney+ at home going by this track...I wouldn’t be surprised if she ran into the woods to sing this to the animals quite frankly but, being Russia it’s probably safer not to. Be like Snow White, but instead of seven dwarves she’d stumble across seven prisoners of war in some forgotten gulag. Finally then, we round things up with the Ukraine’s entry; “Vidkryvai (Open Up)” by a lad named OLEKSANDR BALABANOV (Do-do-dododo...sorry I just had to). It’s more of a soulful slow jam with a touch more character than a lot of the tracks here and he’s got a uniquely blended vocal and it ends the album on a better note. 

While I praise the variety and character of the original Eurovision Song Contest, my first experience of the Junior contest hasn’t been completely encouraging. Sure, there have been one or two impressive vocal performances for the age range we’re talking about, and we can’t overlook the fact that the majority of countries pulled out because of Covid-19, but the tracks that made up the remaining contestants failed to excite or inspire. You could argue that, as children, they are having songs written for them...true, but so do the adults most of the time. The difference is, with children, you aren’t going to get ridiculous entries like LORDI...you aren’t going to have artists like CONCHITA or HATARI making bold statements, you’re going to get things pretty safe, and sadly that’s exactly what we had here. Fair play to them mind, they got up on stage and they sang for their countries, and they should be proud of themselves. Except you Susan...you came last. 

When I posted my 2nd “Unlucky Dip” collective singles review, I joked that it was weird for me to not have roasted any of them, and that I had in fact enjoyed each of the seven tracks to varying degrees. This was of course eventually proven too good to be true, when I recently reviewed the debut album by London pop-duo BEFORE SUNDAY, on the back of their inclusion in the feature. Let’s be honest they essentially catfished me with their GHOST cover! Well anyway, this next review also happens to be taken from that singles collection, but this is actually intended to be a way to make up for a passive aggressive write up I gave the band in question…

I know what you’re thinking…Gav? Apologising for comments made in a review? How much have they paid him!? Well fret not, I don’t do bribes (I’d accept the money, but write an even WORSE review then deny any transactions! #RickySpanish) but I will hold my hands up for being a dick. The band in question are JULIPER SKY and the Manchester based outfit (Consisting of lead vocalist Jamie Lambert, guitarists Dan Parker and Liam Grindell, bassist Roger Damen and drummer Ben Pursehouse) have a new track due out called “Afterglow”, which I featured in my round-up. It was a decent enough track, akin to the likes of BLOSSOMS, but I had no track to share, to music video to share, not even the artwork for the single, so I was a bit bitchy. This, believe it or not, made me feel a tad guilty, so I thought I’d revisit their newest EP, which also came out this year, and do a proper review. With that said, let’s check out “Visions Of A New Age”…what could go wrong?

The EP greets us rather appropriately with “Waves” and immediately we’re thrust into a blissfully light, delicate dreamscape of sounds and sensations. The percussion is subtle and unimposing, allowing the tinny guitars and gentle synth effects to accompany Lambert’s lulling vocals wonderfully, and it’s a sweet little start, almost KEANE-like. “Reflections Of The Winter Sun” then follows up and while not poles apart in terms of sound in the slightest, for the approach is ultimately the same, the suggestive nature of the title itself allows the instrumentation to take on an icy, crystalized tone, and while slightly lower in tempo, the musical narrative manages to set quite a scene.

Next up we have EP highlight “Magnetise” and here we get more of the soft indie aspects that appealed to me the first time I heard them…again here appealing to fans of the more soothing output of the newest BLOSSOMS record but they retain a certain pop influence that you may find in the style of say, MARK OWEN for example, before we finish up on “Heaven” and we return to the by now cemented preference for dreamy, shoegaze fuelled indie-pop, as the EP continues to meander peacefully through your speakers as it draws to a close. Overall it’s a lovely little selection of tracks, for sure, instantly accessible and tailor made for mainstream radio play given the opportunities, that I won’t and can’t deny…what I CAN do however, is say with personal preference that it doesn’t necessarily tick all of my boxes. An indie ballad can work incredibly well, look at “Yellow” by COLDPLAY, or “Caroline, Yes” by KAISER CHIEFS, hell even “Wonderwall” if you want to go there, but they’ve got a bit more bite, a bit more drive; a bit more passion. These four tracks, as lovely as they are, just lack that certain edge that could elevate them further. These visions of a new age, while promising, are a little bit blurry at this moment in time. [5]

The other day, when I shared my newest “Unlucky Dip” collection, despite my clear favourites, there was one new artist in particular that peaked my interest; I’m just yet to determine if it was for all the right or wrong reasons. Yes you may remember me including a London-based duo by the name of BEFORE SUNDAY, who alongside some selected peers through Angels PR, covered “Square Hammer” by GHOST. Now I like this song a lot and you may recall I regarded the move as nothing short of bold, but the track was covered fairly traditionally without any needless bells and whistles, and credit to them they did it justice. Here is where the curiosity often kills the cat…

Given the band and track they covered, and having known nothing about the band prior to hearing said cover, I had to ask myself, was this a potentially new, up-and-coming alternative goth pop band? Can I look forward to some modern post-punk? Hell I’d settle for some retro dark-pop! In this instance…we sadly do not get any of those things. Yes the duo who make up Before Sunday; Nick Basis and Stella Panteloudi are a straight up pop act that just happen to appreciate a little rock ‘n’ roll influence here and there, and quite frankly I’m feeling catfished. But seeing as we’re here, they released their debut album recently entitled “Anticipation”…let me just tell you that mine has gone through the floor as opposed to the roof.

The album opens up with “Living In London” which to be fair is quite a catchy little piece of social commentary; highlighting the living conditions of living in the British capital, with the general ignorance of society leaving you feel alone in a population of millions…the generally overpriced day-to-day living and the often shitty weather. They paint a pretty bleak picture but I’m sure very many can relate. The track itself is a guitar driven piece of soft rock with ample swagger and a certain vocal drawl that in some ways finds itself between JOAN JETT and MILEY CYRUS…it’s a decent opener. “Big House” then follows up and the direction changes somewhat to say the least. The rockier guitars are replaced with more of a light, soulful funk aesthetic which coupled with the core pop delivery could pass for some, KYLIE MINOGUE or ALPHABEAT.

Even though the album is only ten tracks in length, it still manages to find itself book-ended with the better tracks at the beginning and the end, with the middle sort of just, existing. “Obsessions” for example is a wonderfully heartfelt, sombre piano/synth led pop ballad with a soaring vocal chorus. “Goddess” combines those gentle ballad qualities but brings back the funk-rich guitars and marries them with some innocently sweet vocal notes, before “Devil” rounds the album off on another guitar driven, rockier high note. It’s got a certain surging urgency to its delivery when it’s in full flow and the up-tempo intensity is welcome…they left it late but we actually get some of the slightest hints at more metallic instrumentation here that could be tied in to that Ghost cover.

As I said the middle of the album is generally generic pop music…the vocals on “Unconditional” are well produced and fine, “Gone” gives off Eurovision power ballad vibes and “Closed Doors” adapts more of a random country-pop aesthetic. While there’s nothing necessarily bad here, it’s a fine pop album with some good quality clean production, I can’t get that Ghost cover out of my head and can’t help but be somewhat disappointed by this album, which is a shame because there’s nothing wrong with it for what it is. It’s got its charm and does highlight a variety of genre influences all streamlined into one collection of quirky pop, but I was hoping for something more. I don’t even know what…maybe even like, OF MONSTERS & MEN or a SHINY TOY GUNS or something along those lines, which, sadly these are not. Before Sunday? More like never in a month of Sunday’s. [5]

OK so, back in May I debuted a new blog feature which I dubbed the "Unlucky Dip", where I take a break from reviewing full length albums and EP's, to give the singles a chance. It not only allows me to cover a wider variety of artists and genres in one swoop, but it reminds me of albums that will be coming out, and helps me clear more of my never ending barrage of emails. Last time around I was a little mean to one or two of the artists, but as I did point out, this feature IS a sort of cross between speed dating and a comedy roast. Luckily for these seven new artists I generally like all of the tracks I'm about to talk about, which is rare...unluckily for you however this may not be as much of an enjoyable read as the last one! Anyway, with that said, let's get into some music.

I'd like to kick things off with some genuine positivity and excitement. THE SOUNDS are one of the bands I can thank Bam Margera for getting me into way back in the day, and while I was happy to have them back with their EP "The Tales That We Tell" in 2017, we haven't had a full album from Maja and co in seven years!

"Safe And Sound" is the latest single, taken from the highly anticipated new album "Things We Do For Love", which drops June 12th. Originally planned for a May release but put back due to Covid-19, their blend of lightly electronic tinged indie rock 'n' roll sounds as distinct and fresh as ever here...I guess you could say they haven't missed a Tony the beat! I'm very much looking forward to this album and you can expect to find it in my end of year lists for sure.

This one was a submission from the people over at Pop Rush Music and as far as I can tell, this is a stand alone single, as there's been no mention to me of any releases to follow this up. The single in question; "Hunters & Wolves" is by an artist by the name of JORDAN LAKE. Not to be confused with the reservoir, Jordan was born in North Carolina and found his love for singing very early on.

At the age of 4 he became a church singer at his local parish and has had a passion for performing ever since. Now older and having relocated to the West coast, Jordan is writing mature, soulful and emotive pop music that in it's own ways bridges the likes of ADAM LAMBERT with RAG 'N' BONE MAN. Listen below and let me know what you think!

Well..this escalated quickly! GAEREA are a self-confessed cathartic black metal outfit from Portugal, and they were brought to my attention by the folk over at Season Of Mist. 

"Null" is the first track to be taken off their up-coming third album "Limbo" which is released on July 24th and if this track is anything to go by, the six-track 50-minute album is going to be one hell of a journey. There are European tour plans in place for the beginning of 2021, though they are scheduled to play a UK exclusive show in London on October 31st at the Nabucca, which you may want to keep an eye on if you're a fan of black and death metal, as it's part of the Subterranean Manifestation II line-up. Hopefully it goes ahead, and I'll say it again...fuck Covid-19.

This one is arguably the weakest of the seven tracks I'm going through today but that's purely on account the other 6 tracks, as this is still a fun little single and I'm actually not trying to be mean for once. 360 PHOENIX FLIP is the new (Albeit convoluted) moniker by which Mark Lovett now goes by.

Combining his love of skate-punk and artists such as NOFX and RUFIO, with his already experienced background in song production and EDM, he brings us his debut single "Pyromaniac" and the best way to describe it I believe would be, somewhere between OWL CITY and REGGIE & THE FULL EFFECT. Make of that what you will, but I like this and I look forward to what else he has in store. Maybe you'll find him in the new Tony Hawk remastered game soundtrack? At this time of writing I have no links to share with you, as the SoundCloud link was private...sorry.

Now this...this one is fucking bold. GHOST, who you may be familiar with as arguably the biggest rising metal / alternative rock band on the planet, helped cement their status with the song "Square Hammer" from the "Popestar" EP. BEFORE SUNDAY, are a London based duo who have only recently released their debut EP, yet here we find them covering Ghost...and the track isn't even a part of their EP!

Yes thanks to Angels PR, the duo have been in touch with label-mate Marianna from PROJECT RENEGADE and other talented musician friends, to collaborate on this lock-down cover. To be fair, instrumentally at least, they've done the song justice as it barely strays from the original in tone, it's quite a by numbers cover, but naturally they aren't replacing Tobias on vocals, so that's where they differ, although they've stayed true to the original video too in their own ways, taking limitations into account. It's a brave cover, but no real complaints for execution. 

In case you're wondering why there is no art work for this single, it's because the band didn't supply any jpeg files of the artwork. Plenty of photo's of the band, sure, but none of the artwork. The image included in their press kit isn't usable sadly as I was unable to separate and save it to file. Could I message them and ask for a jpeg of the image? I could, of course I could...but it's really not worth the effort.

Anyway, JULIPER SKY are an up-and-coming indie-pop outfit based out of Manchester, UK, and having already released their debut EP this year entitled "Visions Of A New Age", they continue to release separate singles. Opinions vary as to how effective and efficient this is from a marketing stand point...on one hand you can keep fresh content coming and keep up the exposure and relevance...on the other hand, and this is something I believe personally, is that it's annoying and I'd rather you just keep the material for the 2nd EP...let's be honest most of the tracks are going to end up on the debut album anyway, so many artists do it, and I just find it all pointless myself. I digress..."Afterglow" is the kind of light pop-based indie that might appeal to fans of BLOSSOMS for example. You'll have to take my word for it though as again, it comes out on June 26th, and I have no Bandcamp, Spotify or Youtube links to share with you. I might review the EP, give you a better idea.

Today then we finish up on this absolute gem, and another genuine bit of excitement. MUSHROOMHEAD have been going damn near thirty years now and having gone through a couple of line-up changes, they still have an incredibly prolific yet criminally underrated back catalog of albums. 

Having always faced criticism for being SLIPKNOT knock-offs, they never hit the heights they deserved to, but hopefully that will change on their upcoming new album "A Wonderful Life"; their first since 2014! The latest single promoting the album; "The Heresy" see's the real debut of new full time vocalist Ms. Jackie, as well a returning J Mann to bring some welcome nostalgia and heritage to their sound. The clean female vocals add a new dynamic which works really with their heavy, dystopian, underground progressive grunge metal style, and the political message of the single simply adds relevance. I cannot wait for this album, which comes out June 19th via Napalm Records.

I get A LOT of emails, not as many as big publications obviously, but for me, I get a lot, and I literally can’t keep up with them all. This means I either take virtually forever getting around to some reviews, resulting in the peak promotion period usually having been and gone, for that I do apologise. Sometimes I forget about submissions entirely, for which I also apologise, and a lot of the time, I’m sent singles. Now, this blog has been running since 2014 and 99% of the content here, bar the odd rare article, is comprised of EP and album reviews. I’ve nothing against the humble single, I miss the days of picking up CD singles in Woolworths wondering what B-Sides you’d be treated to…but writing a full review for just A single is something I’ve always personally deemed a bit of a ball ache.

Going forward, I am going to try to, once a week (The key word being try here, I’m making no promises) present a general collection of single submissions from my inbox in one article, to try and ensure I don’t miss out on potential gems, and more importantly, to also clear some space in my inbox (At this time of writing I have around 650 unread emails…LOL). With that in mind, here are seven randomly selected tracks that I have been sent, that I would like to share with you, in the first GTGC Unlucky Dip; the result of combining Speed Dating with the heartfelt Comedy Roast.

We're going to kick this feature off with a 4-piece from London by the name of HEAVYMAN. Comprising of vocalist/guitarist Charlie Yang, drummer Tom Papaloizou (I'm pretty sure he was in "The League Of Gentlemen"?) bassist Igor Fonseca and lead guitarist Nick Burns, they recently got in touch, stating that were fans of the blog and were themselves fueled by alcohol and sarcasm, asking me to check out their debut single "Baby Jean". How could I possible refuse?

Initially sounding like something you'd hear from early TURBONEGRO, it soon transitions into a more methodical, groove-rich slow jam of a southern blues rock effort. It covers all the bases with some slick guitar work and vocal swagger for some textbook classic blues rock. With more tracks scheduled to be released over the coming months, these are ones to watch.

"Now this is a story all about how my life got, at most, mildly inconvenienced, but I'd like to take a minute just to share this my friend, and talk about this new single by The Fresh Prince Of Bellend".

You know all the meme's with "Now listen here you little shit..."? Well that's essentially me right now with RORY K. A native of downtown Manhattan, New York, Rory was born into a musical family, with his dad having been in the late 80's socio-political rock group BLACK 47. So imagine his dad's disappointment to see Rory here peddling some of the most uninspired, cringe-worthy rap/hip-hop an eleventeen-year-old would perform, on the track "Heat Thru Your Body"...I bet he finds vanilla spicy.

From the intro that sounds like seagulls having a stroke, to the combination of abysmal lyrics and self-indulgent vocals...and the embarrassing video, it's just...no. The bit where Rory is, (I'll use this term loosely) "performing" in front of some street graffiti, why are you holding a mic? You look like an absolute tit mate. And you emailed me three times for this? Assuming I hadn't replied because I couldn't stop dancing to the track? I would sooner invite my enemies to dance upon my grave than dance to this myself. And it's through*...for the record. I'm beginning to regret this new feature already...

I honestly don't know why I get sent this stuff...I'm not against rap and however many hip-hop subcultures there actually are, but it is SO rare I find any that I genuinely like. I can appreciate a flow, or a beat, sure, but there is too much recycled rap out there full of cliches about money, bitches, drugs and ho's and quite frankly I don't care about any of it.

"Twerk It Out" is the new track from Cleveland Ohio based hio-hop veteran DEEJAY CENTIPEDE, who has been spinning records since the 80's, and it features Sonny Vajra and Tee Hova...which...means absolutely nothing to me. It's got a certain 90's vibe going on which I guess you could describe as "fresh", with some soft synths poorly underlying some genuinely irritating clapping percussion. A lot of autotune going on in the vocals, and I can't lie, outside of this blog, I wouldn't listen to this...I'd rather be in the middle of a Human Centipede truth be told, but that's just me. As of now I'm outlawing Twerking on GTGC. 

Austrian psychedelic rock trio MOTHER'S CAKE (Consisting of lead vocalist/guitarist Yves Krismer, bassist Benedikt Trenkwalder and drummer/backing vocalist Jan Haussels) are set to release their new album sometime in the Autumn of 2020, and tease interesting things to come with their latest single "Toxic Brother".

The onslaught of fuzzy guitars and echoed vocals, delivered among a frenetic, up-tempo barrage of stoner sludge-punk is as fun as it is exciting; the energy is real here and it'll easily appeal to fans of say, EXIT_INTERNATIONAL. The gradual fade-out of the track counters the increasing levels of insanity as you can hear the mental breakdown as it happens...this is a solid track.

Returning to the UK now and more specifically; Hull, and we have a four-piece hardcore punk outfit by the name of SMILING ASSASSIN. Consisting of vocalist George Garnett, drummer Robbie Johnson, guitarist Josh Rogerson and bassist Casey Stead, they were forwarded to me by the wonderful folk over at Rage PR.

The new socio-political single "National Pride" is taken off the forthcoming album "Plight Of The Millennial" which is penciled for release on May 31st, and it combines all the vitriolic aggression of hardcore punk with the instrumental impatience of trash metal, easily taking influence from the likes of THE EXPLOITED or MUNICIPAL WASTE. It's an intense listen and suggests that the new album is going to be an absolute scorcher.

Now I'll start off by saying this...on initial listen, it's not as annoying as "Despacito"...but I'm not ruling it out overtime. It's another one of this Latino-inspired R'n'B/rap offerings that's meant to sound all smooth and sexy in the club, but I'd rather just sit in the corner with a warm bottle of Bacardi squeezing fresh lime directly into my eyeballs. 

L.D.N's contribution is fine and his rapping isn't bad, probably the most enjoyable aspect of this track in all fairness, but that doesn't really say much. Also, Mi Carino means My Sweety...creepy much. Your Nan singing this is she mate? Bomboclaat don't say shit like sweety fam ya get me? Real talk blud. I just lost the plot, literally watched it run off...

We round off this selection of tracks by coming full circle back to London, to find CALLING ALL ASTRONAUTS an their newest single "Welcome To The Black Bloc". The trio (Consisting of vocalist/programmer David B, guitarist JJ and bassist Paul "Buzzsaw McCrudden) mix elements of punk rock attitude and an electronic, almost light industrial tone for their sound, bridging the likes of PITCHSHIFTER, MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE and MINISTRY for a no-nonsense blast of socio-political neo-dystopian noise.

The single is officially released on May 29th, with the new album, entitled "#Resist" dropping shortly after on June 5th, via Supersonic Media which I'm sure is going to an incredibly charged listen.

Some of you may be thinking, Gav…how many reviews can you shoehorn references to Covid-19 into? Well…my friend, as it happens, as many as I want. You see while a lot of you are crying over 2020 festival season being buggered into next year, I’ve got my own agenda. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy festival experiences, but I am instead honestly quite reclusive, so one of the things I personally look forward to every year is the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST.

Long-time readers will know I usually cover the show in some way shape or form, be it a run-down of finalists, covering past winner’s releases, or even just live-Tweeting the event…this year, I can’t enjoy this. This year I couldn’t look forward to sitting in front of my TV on the rare occasion I do, to watch Graham Norton sarcastically bury a plethora of countries. This year I couldn’t respectfully raise a glass of Bailey’s to Sir Terry Wogan during song 9, (Who am I kidding it’s a bottle of Jack). This year I couldn’t even get annoyed by the very political voting system I expect each and every fucking year as if it’s some shocking conspiracy. Covid-19 brought an end to all of that…and for that…I despise you, even though you’ve given me two months off work paid. 1st world problems, yes, but still. Alas…what I CAN do at least is channel my inner Jim Bowen, and have a look at who could have won, as Eurovision still at least released the 41-track CD of each countries entry. With that said…Good Evening Rotterdam! Open up, and let’s shine a light on the performers to see who gets 12 points….

​I’m going to preface this by stating that no I am NOT going to be analysing every one of the 41 entries as frankly I don’t even think lockdown is long enough for me to do that, but I will mull over my personal highlights, and as usual, the Eurovision double-album does things alphabetically, so we start with Albania. Their entry is “Fall From The Sky”, performed by ARILENA ARA and it’s one of two primary Eurovision tropes…heartfelt ballad, or fucking bonkers. This one falls into ballad category and as an opening track it’s a fairly safe one. The light piano allowing Arilena’s emotive, powerful vocals to really shine and there’s a dramatic intensity to this performance; a wonderful start. If you enjoyed that ballad however, hold on to that thought because you’re going to get sick of them over the next say, I don’t know… album? 

Armenia’s entry “Chains On You” by ATHENA MANOUKAIN tries to modernise things with some middle-eastern inspired trap and mumble rap…as far as the genre goes it’s fine, it’s the kind of thing you’d find Charlie Sloth spinning, but it’s not for me. Australia are still participating even though their initial anniversary guest spot was a few years ago now, and their entry “Don’t Break Me”, performed by MONTAIGNE is…another pop ballad. Granted the modern production and bold yet husky vocals find her somewhere between say, DUA LIPA and SIA in some ways, and it’s not bad. Onion Bhaji are up next…sorry, no, Azerbaijan are up next with “Cleopatra” performed by EFENDI and we get more middle-eastern / Egyptian musical influence, before leading into more Western pop stylistics…up until the part where they start summoning demons and shit…honestly that’s what it sounds like. Seriously, I thought my desk was going to start floating or my eyeballs were going to bleed!

Let’s see what else we have here…Belgium’s entry “Release Me” by HOOVERPHONIC in its own ways sounds like a BTEC version of BILLIE EILISH doing a Bond Theme…that’s the best and only way of describing that, you’re going to have to get way off of my back about that one. Skipping ahead now but keeping a colour scheme it’s Germany who have the next real highlight with the track “Violent Thing” by BEN DOLIC. Sadly the track is about as violent as two kittens having a pillow fight…I was expecting this year’s rock entry or something but we get another up-tempo pop offering. It’s got some brass elements and a bit of funk, and an impressive high note, resulting in quite a catchy little track, but it’s not what I was hoping for. Speaking of getting my hopes up, I ALWAYS look for Finland’s entry since LORDI won it in 2006, and this year, their entry “Looking Back” by AKSEL was…meh. It’s a pleasant indie-pop piece with ample melody, nothing like Lordi, or even SAARA AALTO from 2018; disappointing this one I’m afraid, you let me down Finland.

Next up, we have the United Kingdom…and as a Welshman, you might think I’m going to be biased here, that I’m going to sing praises to our entry as if they’re God’s gift to mainstream music…well I can assure you, that you are wrong. JAMES NEWMAN is our entry for this year with the track “My Last Breath” and I would sooner give up my last breath than have this song win the competition, despite it making things logistically easier for me to attend in 2021. Another copy and paste type of emotional male-led pop song akin to anyone from JAMES ARTHUR or SAM SMITH or any generic bollocks like that…it’s just so bloody boring! Georgia on the other hand, do somewhat peak my interest…”Take Me As I Am” by TORNIKE KIPIANI is, admittedly, lyrically fucking awful, let me make that clear, but the deep, electronic tinged moody indie tones easily mirror the styles and sounds of say, IMAGINE DRAGONS or AWOLATION etc, and this is arguably as dark as things get this year.

Skipping eagerly ahead now as we’re still only about half way here, we get Ireland and honestly…this would have been a contender for the competitions winner to break their own record, securing eight competition victories. “Story Of My Life” by LESLEY ROY gives off some serious KATY PERRY vibes…it’s a bouncy, light-hearted absolute banger of a pop anthem. Sure there’s repetition, a little instrumental monotony and some childish qualities but this is the kind of track you’d understand being all over commercial radio this Summer time…never mind the political voting, Covid-19 potentially robbed Ireland of this year’s win! Do they have any contenders however? Why in fact yes they do, and there is some STRONG competition from Iceland, and who some may say are favourites to win; DAðI FREYR with the song “Think About Things”. A synth-rich, full on disco-funk driven indie track…it is so simple in execution with the most basic of hooks, so much groove in so little effort, this is superb.

Jumping forward then we have THE ROOP with their entry “On Fire” for Lithuania…and it’s another basic pop track with pulsing electronic elements, dance-pop qualities with all of the synth laden hooks, it’s not as good as past winners such as MÅNS ZELMERLÖW for example but it’s along the same vein and personally I enjoy this, it’s arguably my favourite, despite some questionable vocals in places…and the video is as stated above; fucking bonkers. The rest of the album sadly doesn’t really throw up many particular highlights or memorable tracks, other than “Uno” by LITTLE BIG representing Russia. The “Skibidi” outfit had my attention going into the competition don’t get me wrong, but they’ve done better. Granted they’ve likely been heavily censored but still! SKIBIDI WA-PA-POW! The video does make me laugh mind…it’s all in the knees fam.

Romania come in with the track “Alcohol You” and I thought I was being offered a pint in broken English to be honest, so imagine my disappointment when ROXEN starts warbling her moody, sultry vocals…a slow, albeit grandiose track , though KORPIKLAANI drink better to be fair. Serbia rock up then with “Hasta La Vista” and the name alone has me hooked…have HURRICANE been sent from the future by Sky Net to secure Eurovision victory? In short…no…imagine someone installed LimeWire on the T-800 and the sheer amount of internet aids rendered it out of order. I’ll be very surprised if you’ll be back. Eventually then, and finally, we find ourselves at Ukraine, listening to “Solovey” by GO_A, and luckily, we conclude the album on an unorthodox yet enjoyable note. The traditional native tones of the vocal performance and woodwind elements coupled with a solid dance-pop aesthetic allow for a genuinely soothing and fun listen…I mean I haven’t got a fucking clue what they are saying but I like it!

After all of that, it really is heart-breaking to know that, given Eurovision’s six-decade legacy and tradition, none of the above entries will be able to represent their respective nations and try to put themselves in the history books. Granted some of these songs work better as a stage performance with character and gimmicks as opposed to straight up audio content, but that doesn’t detract what would have been an entertaining evening of live entertainment and multicultural acceptance of diversity. I know I rant and roast but I honestly enjoy the Eurovision Song Contest…I look forward to it every year, and hopefully it comes back all guns blazing in 2021. Where…who knows…no country has ever done two in a row from winning, so will Holland get to host again on a technicality? We can only wait and see…until then, Europe, you’re a beautiful bunch of bastards, for the record, I didn’t vote for Brexit I voted remain…and as far as Covid-19 goes…nil pois.

Dave Grohl is the most wholesome of rock stars, honestly he’s a good egg, and during these unprecedented times, we can all take a page out of the book of Grohl and channel the track “Times Like These”; we can learn to live again…we can learn to love again. Or (And I can’t stress this enough) not, as this next review goes to show that it’s also times like these where, I in fact regret diving into my email submissions. Honestly, you know the original music video for that very song where they are throwing a pile of shit off that bridge? I’d sooner yeet MYSELF off the bridge than listen to this next record…but I will try and be fair.

I’m all for firsts here…I’ve listened to and reviewed plenty of different genres in the past, everything from blackened death metal to K-pop…but never have I ever come across an album classified as ‘Jewish folk-pop’…until now. YERACHMIEL who was originally based in New York, recently moved to Israel where he has fully immersed himself in the culture and traditions of his religion and heritage, and he uses these influences and inspirations to fuel quite the prolific musical career it would seem! “Off The Derech” is his 6th studio album; a collection of 21 original songs which he’s asked me to check out. Truth be told I’d rather bath with my nan, but out of respect and I guess curiosity…let’s give this a whirl.

The album opens up with “Great To Be Alive” and having been on lock-down for five weeks now, this sentiment is already testing my patience. The track itself is admittedly a pleasant little dose of melodic soft-rock; the loose guitar play and light piano combine well to give off a certain late 80’s / early 90’s feel…you could maybe bracket it alongside the likes of JIMI JAMISON for example, but the levels of positivity here are borderline sickly. This positive energy is also incredibly abundant in the track “Temple”. It’s starts off as if it’s the intro theme to some cheesy 1970’s family sitcom, but it oozes its loving message of faith and togetherness to point where you feel like you’re watching Songs Of Praise trying to be edgy. I have my fingers on MY temples…and I require co-codamol.

One thing I will say for Yerachmiel mind is that he isn’t afraid to dabble in crossover genres…I mean the last thing you’ expect to find in an Israeli recording studio is reggaeton or ska, but that’s exactly what you find on “7th Wonder” and “Your Name Be Praise”.  The former is as though BOB MARLEY got so fucking high one day he woke up in the middle east, with its brass-based low-fi instrumentation, while the latter houses more of a subtle, indie-based core sound akin to say, UB40. It’s honestly an interesting mash-up I’ll give it that. True highlights however are sadly minimal and frankly hard to point out…”Earth Is Trembling” does have a solid, up-tempo, oompah rhythm which is both fun and energetic, despite it's damning opinion of mankind. “Tears In A Falling Rain” combines a soulful, funk aesthetic with the more traditionalist middle eastern percussion, while the string instrumentation on “Stay True” borders on country bluegrass.

It’s a confused album quite frankly, and over the course of the twenty one tracks here it’s as though he’s thrown whatever he could at the wall just to see what stuck, and to be honest  I don’t think he cared if something stuck or not. There is a lot going on here and we can all really respectfully say that, this track listing can do with a bit of a cull. I’m not suggesting we go all Nazi and wipe the album out entirely, that would be in poor taste even for me…but the album doesn’t need to be THIS long, especially with so many of the tracks already suffering from repetition. Off The Derech? I must be off my rocker to have believed I might enjoy this one, this really isn’t my cup of Wissotzky. [2]

​Back in 2017, the gothic rock community found itself in an official state of mourning. You might think, well, nothing fucking new by there? But, we had a legitimate excuse for our smudged eye liner. You see, everyone’s favourite romantic-rockers HIM, were officially no more. Yes following the departure of long-time drummer Mika Karppinen (Gas) and the appointment of Jukka Kröger (Kosmo), plus the fairly lukewarm reception of “Tears On Tape”…there were a lot of mixed feelings within the HIM camp…and a lot of uncertainty. Over this period, one thing eventually led to another, and after a series of farewell shows, the Heartagram had seemingly stopped beating. Tears were no longer merely on tape, they were on the cheeks of thousands of distraught fans across the globe…and it hurt.

Granted there were other projects that trickled out from certain members of the band…we got a fantastic 3rd installment from DANIEL LIONEYE courtesy of guitarist Mikko Lindström…as well as a couple of the guys forming FLAT EARTH, but it just wasn’t the same. What was Ville Valo up to? As the voice of HIM, he naturally carried the most intrigue, and while he did tease some activity with the release of the Finnish language single "Olet mun kaikuluotain", as well as reuniting with former collaborators THE AGENTS for some more traditional Finnish classics…he’s been incredibly quiet, almost suspiciously quiet…until now. On March 20th, 2020, Ville, under the new moniker of VV, surprised everyone by dropping three new tracks on an EP entitled “Gothica Fennica Vol.1”. With a modified Heartagram on the cover…was this what HIM fans had been craving for so long? Tissues at the ready folks, this might get emotional.

We get underway with ”Salute The Sanguine” and as the soft, near synthetic guitar melodies meander through your speakers, you can’t help but feel overwhelmed with, dear I say it…a foreboding sense of impending happiness. This is in its own right fitting as the delicate tones of not only the instrumentation but Ville’s voice hark back to albums such as “Screamworks…” and “Dark Light”; there’s a vulnerability to his voice that adds heaps of sentiment. Conceptually an interesting one, as sanguine is essentially a colour, or pigment used in a lot of centuries old artwork and self-portraits, resembling the shade of dried blood. It’s as if he’s looking back fondly on his career as if it had been dusted off having been locked away, appreciating the memories and what they gave him, with each scar a story, but knowing too that he isn’t the same man as before. This ties in nicely to the modified Heartagram…for like the music accompanying it; it’s a little HIM, but it isn’t, though it’s still beautiful.

Next up we have “Run Away From The Sun” and again here we’re immediately met with Ville’s gentle croon over more soft rock guitars and mellow acoustics. Another smooth and melodic offering, this is accessible as any of HIM’s lightest works as though Ville has embraced more of an indie-pop aesthetic, while retaining his core, lyrically melancholic writing style, allowing for those distinct HIM tropes. Speaking of, closing track “Saturnine Saturnalia” is the most HIM-sounding of the three tracks presented here and while not specifically raucous or rocking, it carries with it a distinct aura of hurt and emotional torment, mixing Ville’s honey coated vocals with a more sombre dose of doom and gothic stylistics. It’s got more prominent riff work and sounds like it could have come from one of the old “Venus Doom” demo sessions, fitting in with the likes of “Cyanide Sun” aesthetically, allowing for a deeper, ever so slightly darker listen.

If I may come across as selfish for a moment, sadly, these are the only three tracks presented here but while naturally wanting more, we have to be grateful of a couple of key things. To start, Ville is once again releasing music in any capacity, that’s the main thing, but the fact that the Heartagram has returned and his music is more akin to the styles and sounds of old is not only heart-warming, but brings with it hope. He’s clearly finding his feet again, and despite being only three tracks long, having been away for three years now, “Gothica…” is an effortlessly good start. The fact too that it’s merely volume one hints at more music down the line, and if these three tracks are anything to go by, we’re in for a fucking treat. Never mind the sanguine, Ville Valo, we salute you and welcome back sir! [10]

If you cast your mind back to this past December, you may (Or may not) remember some of the albums I listed in my 2019 Top 20’s…some of which I reviewed here, others I may have reviewed for the likes of All About The Rock or, Astral Noize…but others I didn’t review at all. To be more specific, as well as my usual lists covering rock/metal, EP’s and my overall favourites, I’m always sure to cover my Top 20 Pop albums. I don’t really (Or at least very often) review pop music here, but I will listen to a lot of pop and keep track of what’s new as best I can. This brings us my number one pop album of 2019; “The Light” by SCANDROID, which ties in nicely with today’s review.

I’ve mentioned Scandroid, as well as Klayton’s other projects here on numerous occasions, as I’ve been lucky enough to have regular submissions from his record label FiXT, but while I very much enjoyed his most recent retro-pop endeavours, I haven’t showcased the label in some time now…but that’s about to change. Let me introduce you to 3FORCE. 3Force are an electronic/retrowave trio from St. Petersburg, Russia, and are one of a growing number of artists on the FiXT / FiXT Neon roster. Consisting of members Dmitry Gancher, Aleksey Ruin and Andrey Eyescream, they recently released their latest collection of tracks via the new album “Divide & Collide”. I’m just glad their name is in English…because fuck trying to pronounce три силы! Let’s check them out.

The album opens up with “Shape Shifter” and given the genre I’m immediately envisioning were-folk throwing down absurd shapes on a blinding neon dance floor, a la An American Werewolf In Paris. I digress; the track itself is a purely instrumental one…initially a slow starter, it gradually builds atmospheric synths not unlike the Stranger Things title screen, but soon comes to life; rich in pulsing electronica and regimented percussion…the 80’s aesthetic oozes from each and every keyboard note. A fine piece of music but no more than a glorified intro track ultimately…not that it stops Lycans shaking booty though.

Next up we have the first of the albums collaborations and it comes courtesy of Robin Adams on the track “Uprising”. The UK-based musician/vocalist provides a slightly rockier vibe to an otherwise GLITCH MOB sounding piece of electro/alt.-pop, but it works very well. It houses certain funk elements in places and the former CELLDWELLER collaborator allows the track to explore a plethora of avenues. Robin shows up again on “Guardian Angel” but here, musically at least it’s not as intense, his grating vocals giving the more subdued track its character. Fellow FiXT label-mates RAIZER join proceedings on the track “Lost & Found” and we’re given a lighter, more melodic mix, allowing for a more pop-based retro style…while Scandroid themselves get in on the action on the track “Abyss”. As distinct as the resulting sound is, and as enjoyable as it is…it suffers with a pretty repetitive and unimaginative chorus that brings an otherwise enjoyable track down.

Surprisingly though, a lot of the albums highlights do come courtesy of instrumental offerings which speaks volumes of the quality of sound 3Force have managed to recapture. “Future Frame” in particular perfectly bridging that gap between throwback techno and modern dance-pop, it’s like something Creamfields would belt out at 2am to a throng of ketamine fuelled cretins…in a good way,  while “Outcome Theory”, “Insect” and later on “Celestial Squad” reinforce the strength of the album as a whole. A lot of artists have been capitalising on this retro trend in recent years, riding a wave of nostalgia celebrating that throwback, 80’s aesthetic, and 3Force are no different, but they manage to retain a crisp, fresh sound as opposed to sounding recycled. That said FiXT have a solid track record with cherry picking quality electronic artists, and these Russians bolster an already impressive roster on the back of this album, which has more killer hooks than Ivan Drago. A recommended listen comrade… [7]

As it’s now 2020, my New Year’s resolution is to focus a lot more on email submissions from bands and record labels/PR companies, when it comes to my review content on this little blog. I’m not for one minute suggesting I’m going to actually succeed in this…remember that scene from Bruce Almighty when Jim Carey is bombarded with prayers? That’s pretty much me as I attempt to juggle listening time, writing time, working full time and, oh yeah, occasionally 3, maybe 4 hours sleep if I’m lucky…nevertheless, I continue.

Today’s review is the beginning of my resolution, but we do have to go all the way back to DECEMBER 2018…I mean I had to get Time Team to dig this one out! Let me explain. Yes on December 4th, 2018, I received an email from a Norwegian pop group by the name of SECRET TREEHOUSE, who were typically doing their rounds, promoting their upcoming single “Fear Of Frogs”, which was to be taken off of their debut album “The Big Rewind”. Now as you’re aware I don’t generally review singles, so, I thought I’d save the email and keep checking back and forth over the coming weeks, awaiting the album. A couple of weeks did pass…nothing…a couple of months then passed yet still I found no album, the Secret Treehouse really were keeping this album a fucking secret! Fast forward to December 2019 however, and while I’m going over my end of year lists and clearing out some emails ready to start afresh, I stumble upon that saved email, having completely forgotten by this point and after a quick look, I discover they have in fact FINALLY released that bloody album! With that said, and regardless of how out-dated this review now actually is, here are my thoughts on the frankly ironically titled “The Big Rewind”.

The album opens up with that initial single “Fear Of Frogs” and to be fair it starts things off really quite promisingly. A song about the fear of unintentionally misleading someone in love, it gives off a rich 80’s synth-pop vibe with some incredibly catchy melodies, over Anja Bere’s velvety smooth vocals. In certain ways it combines the likes of OF MONSTERS AND MEN with ROBYN and THE CRANBERRIES, resulting in really quite a pleasant track. The same can be said for “Too Young” which also houses more of this pulsing electronic style although it isn’t quite as up-beat.

A lot of the record combines elements of indie, with a more shoegaze pop aesthetic, resulting a very easy listening album overall…”Wrong Hands” is a really chilled ambient piece of indie that slowly builds to some wonderfully emotive guitar, getting better and better as it winds up to its gentle crescendo. The title track manages to sound soft yet simultaneously bold, being able to pull off the sort of radio ballad COLDPLAY would churn out, while more recent single “Do You Remember” has a more lulling tone, in places giving off an almost subtle LOU REED vibe, before closing track “Hero” rounds things up with a delicate little acoustic piece, emphasising the sweetness of Anja’s hushed vocal notes.

The question I have to ask myself is, considering I was made aware of this album back in 2018…was it actually worth waiting until 2020 to review it? To a degree, no…but that’s not a direct knock on this record. Fans of this sort of dreamy pop soundscape will appreciate the tenderness and tranquility that makes up the bulk of this record, despite the initial single suggesting a far more up-tempo, retro-pop direction. It’s not a bad album by any means, and what Secret Treehouse do they do well, but it’s hardly The Simpsons Treehouse Of Horror. With their second album due to drop sometime in 2020, maybe I’ll get around to reviewing it in around two years or so…somebody remind me though yeah? [5]