Back in 2017, LINKIN PARK released an album by the name of “One More Light”, which garnered mixed reviews from a lot of people. Including myself. Now let’s not beat around the bush here... I scored it negatively. It was an OK pop album; it just didn’t feel like it fit the Linkin Park aesthetic. It FELT like a label pleaser, to adapt to the shift in the mainstream, with collaborations including STORMZY and KIIARA. People on the internet will say that I did so because I live in the past, and that I just want every record to sound like “Hybrid Theory” or “Meteora”...this is not true in the slightest. I appreciate growth and expansion from within bands, and the way they see the world around them, it’s what inspires them to create art. The art that, we as consumers enjoy. Also no, I’m not ignoring or forgetting “Reanimation” or the JAY-Z collaboration...this just felt different. 

​I mean, if I wanted to listen to an artist that put out the same thing over and over again, I’d listen to AC/DC, or insert generic overhyped and deified rock band here. (You’ve heard one you’ve heard them all is what I’m saying). The trouble with Linkin Park, was the sheer level of success that that first album garnered. It completely blew them up on a global scale, and so when it came time for the sophomore, the label justifiably said “Hey, look, money...more of the same please!”. We lapped it up as fans and consumers, don’t get me wrong, it was their sound; they excelled at that subtly electronic layered rap/metal crossover, but it frustrated the band to the point where, by the time “One More Light” came out all those years later, they’d gone out of their way to do the remix albums, acapella albums, experimental albums like “A Thousand Suns”, and ultimately tried their very best to show there was more to them than meets the eye, before that aforementioned 2017 pop album, and subsequentially, Chester Bennington’s suicide mere months later. There was more to the death of Chester, let that be clear, but we didn’t help his mental health, I acknowledge that.  

It was a catch-22, as we needed to respect the band for sticking to their guns, and creating what THEY wanted to create, or felt they needed to, for better or for worse, but we just wanted the band we loved, to create music we could enjoy; (You can only push an envelope so far), we knew what they were capable of, and we didn’t always see eye to eye. We were part of the problem (Admittedly I can’t speak for EVERYONE). The whole situation soured, and there was a lot of guilt following Chester’s death where we realised, we could have been more open, and supportive, and maybe Chester would still be here with us now. The sad fact is, he isn’t, and we thought we’d lost one of the most important and influential bands of the 21st century as collateral...but here is the dilemma. The new divide, if you will... 

2024 sees the RETURN of Linkin Park, with a completely new reshuffled line-up, after we thought we’d realistically seen the last of the nu-metal icons. With a brand-new singer at the forefront by the name of Emily Armstrong, who previously sang for DEAD SARA (As well as new drummer Colin Brittain, plus guitarist Brad Delson no longer touring with the band is notable) we find them opening a fresh can of worms and splitting more opinions than the US presidential election arguing over a jar of Marmite. I can’t believe I’m saying this but...this is “From Zero”, this is brand new Linkin Park...and these are my thoughts... 

We’re off to a bad start, frankly, as we have “From Zero (Intro)”...and it’s on the verge of being at least patronising to a degree. We have this almost angelic, choir-esque vibe, as though the heavens have opened, and the band have returned, risen again to start from scratch. There’s a spoken word snippet where new vocalist Emily offhandedly says “From zero? Like, from nothing? OH WAIT YOUR FIRST...” and it’s cut off before she can say band. We know that Mike Shinoda has openly stated that XERO was the original project before the formation and finalisation of Linkin Park...and we know that he’s produced this album, he’s pushed for this album, and it’s like he’s pushing this ideology from the start to use Linkin Park’s name to sell records, instead of going back to that first name he’s not even hiding away from.  

I’m feeling almost nonchalant dictatorial vibes right here. THIS is a primary gripe among many fans, who identify and associate Linkin Park with Chester on vocals, as the voice of the band...regardless of founding members, he was the unique, distinct voice, he was the generational talent at the forefront. If you’re so insistent on harking back to that Xero band name Mike, use that name, embrace that name if you are so proud of it, and release the music as Xero...not treat Linkin Park as a cash cow (See Wembley ticket prices). But the dilemma is only beginning... 

First track proper, and first single, “The Emptiness Machine” is an absolute banger. I wanted to make a joke about McDonald’s ice cream but, it would be petty of me. I am actually Mclovin’ this. (That was cringe...whistle and I will strike you). It’s a genuinely fun, engaging track with a lot of hooks in its short run time. Lyrically it can be interpreted as a reference to Emily being associated with the Church Of Scientology; being born into it second generationally, blending a sort of realistic world view with a feeling of hopefulness. She has been moulded into this lifestyle and belief system from childhood and it’s about wanting to just fit in and wanting to find oneself. Metaphorically hammered home by the very societal "cog in the machine" type music video. As an interpretation, this just makes sense, never mind fitting in with twenty years' worth of Linkin Park fans. But were the follow up singles as strong? 

Next, we have “Heavy Is The Crown” and we’ve got an immediate sense of burden here. Instrumentally the band have harked back to the period of “Minutes To Midnight” and “Living Things”, blending those practically recycled synth notes and overall tone. There’s an air of defiance in the lyrics, with lines like “You can’t win if your white flags out when the war begins” and it could be seen as Mike’s approach to Linkin Park in the face of life after Chester. The whole commitment to the band's continuation, and the pressure of Emily stepping into such iconic shoes...but they still manage to throw in a passive aggressive middle finger, as Emily does an equally long scream here as that of the track “Given Up”...as if to hammer home this justification of her appointment, in a “told you so” manner of fact. This again feels more patronising than vindicating under the surface and just comes across as hollow imitation on this instance. 

Emily gets to utilise her clean vocals on the track “Over Each Other” and to be fair, she sings well through a wall of anguish and frustration, and it reeks of relationship breakdown, be it romantic, platonic or professional, but here is the issue. It's an angsty pop song, which there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with, it’s a fine song, but if I or anyone was living under a rock, and didn’t know Linkin Park had reformed in this new era with new presentation, you wouldn’t be like, “Oh is this Linkin Park?”. As fine as the song is, it could be PVRIS, it could be HALFLIVES, it could be insert modern female vocalist of current day rock band name here. There’s nothing WRONG with it, it’s a decent song, but there’s a generic quality to it. It also ends terribly as they include studio snippets of interaction with Mike, trying to push a feeling of connection and bonding, as he asks her to put her “screaming pants on”.  

Why is this, I hear you ask? Ladies and gentlemen let me introduce to arguably the WORST Linkin Park song to ever be green lit for recording; “Casualty”. Honestly Charlie Fairhead should be on call to prepare you for theatre after listening to this. We’re booked in for a Tympanoplasty and a Stapedectomy...and a slap in the face for good measure. There’s a raw, hardcore, almost punk-inspired aesthetic here and while Emily CAN do this, Mike CAN'T...and when Mike starts trying to shout and produce aggressive vocals or seem assertive, he comes across as Clarence Claymore boxing and it’s pitiful to be honest. (That’s a nuanced reference, look it up). 

Emily, credit to her here, sounds pissed off; she sounds like she’s really invested, and she's built for this...but this is wholly unnatural for Mike. While it has throwback elements to “The Hunting Party” with its raw presentation, and hardcore punk levels of vitriol, Mike doesn’t quite cut it here. He honestly doesn’t sound comfortable or confident performing in this manner, and the quality, or lack thereof shows, he personally brings this track down. I guess ironically you can now ask why is everything so heavy? Genuine question. No wait, no, I know what it is. Doing such a shit job himself will make Emily sound so considerably better! She’ll be praised! You tactical motherfucker. Honestly Mike she can do the aggressive vocals perfectly fine on her own and I applaud her for that, you don’t need to be involved in that. You stick to the rap stuff and the brand appropriation. 

Speaking of, “Two Faced” absolutely oozes of “Meteora” era Linkin Park with the guitar tone and overall tonality regarding to chorus/verse transitions. This is more of a classic Linkin Park sound, and it does take you back twenty years, and truthfully you could easily see this as a collaboration that never saw the light of the day in 2003. It honestly wouldn’t be out of place on the original, it’s that close. 

Tracks like “Stained” further hammer home that Pvris type vibe in presentation and we have to admit that Emily does bring a brand-new dynamic to the band's aura when she’s more subdued vocally, before “Good Things Go” somewhat ironically wraps up the album. There’s an almost apologetic essence here, as though the band are anticipating the reception of this new era; pre-emptive damage control if you will. It’s almost in direct acknowledgment of Mike’s decision to continue Linkin Park from a lyrical standpoint, with Emily very much being a factor in that. It’s the musical equivalent of puppy dog eyes and fishing for sympathy when you read into it, and as pleasant as the song is, aesthetically...lyrically there’s a disingenuous feeling to it and it can’t be ignored.  

Ultimately, the question is, what can we take from, “From Zero”? The unbiased answer is a pletheora of things (See what I did there?). For anyone who was there from those early days in the 2000’s, that grew up with Linkin Park, when Linkin Park moulded the fabric of the person you were to become, it’s a band that holds a special place in your heart. I’d swear in a court of law, that Linkin Park helped shape the person I am now...fuck I was in Cornwall on holiday when I purchased “Hybrid Theory” and listed to it on repeat on my Buffy The Vampire Slayer skateboard with my Sony CD Walkman. It’s THAT ingrained.  

As we’ve grown older as fans, we appreciate those years because they were pivotal in our upbringing...I had no peers, I had no alternative community...I had nobody trading mix tapes or cassettes or burnt CD's...but I knew this band was special. As we age, our tastes change, our worldview changes, our political mindset changes; we evolve, as individuals as well as professionals. It’s so easy to see why on a business perspective why Mike would want to bring back Linkin Park...but where do we stand when it comes to morality? On face value, this is not a bad record in the slightest, it’s got some nostalgic moments, and it takes you back to the good old days momentarily in places...but is it Linkin Park? For me, the answer is no.  

Call me cynical, but they’ve tried to blatantly rehash elements from previous albums to sell a new narrative, they’ve made passive aggressive comments in spoken word segments as well as lyrics, Mike is trying to push for this, and as honestly decent as this album is on face value, which it is, it’s a fine album, I’m sorry, it’ll never be Linkin Park. QUEEN tried it with ADAM LAMBERT, can you imagine TYPE-O-NEGATIVE continuing without PETE STEELE? Can you imagine HIM without VILLE VALO? Or KORN without JONATHAN DAVIS? There's an IDENTITY...do you see my point? Any long serving band can emulate and recreate their sound instrumentally, but, you can seldom replace a voice, and the emotion that comes with it. The stories and feelings they share. We can agree to disagree, I’m fine with that, you have a right to an opinion such as I do...but to me, this is a reshuffled band recycling ideas in places to live off a rhetoric, and I’m not even mad, I’m disappointed...[6] 

You’ll know and understand by now that, I seldom take myself seriously when it comes to my written review content. Don’t get me wrong, there are albums that I do genuinely adore, and occasionally a new band, or artist will pop up that I legitimately recommend and promote wholeheartedly, but, for the most part, I prefer the challenges of the downright questionable.  

There are records by the likes of say, COREY FELDMAN or, BIG DUMB FACE that I’ve tried to be fair with, despite me needing to clean grey matter from under my fingernails, having scratched my head so hard out of confusion. But neither of these were necessarily offensive to my eardrums, despite the low scores, just, stylistically quirky in their own right; unique in many aspects, and unashamedly indulgent in the particular artistic avenues they chose to travel down.  

There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s funny when they get upset. Corey, I accept if I got it wrong when I thought you were in one of the “Sharknado” films... HOWEVER, you proudly correcting me that you were instead in an indie-flick about periods that nobody has heard of is no better. That isn’t cult status, that’s a typo. Wes Borland? I gave your Big Dumb sequel a 5 out of 10, because I was honestly on the fence. I didn’t hate it, I just explained that it’s been a long time since the first big dumb album...people tend to forget. People were going to listen to the new one and think, what in the ever-loving fuck is this?! It’s like, you expect some LIMP BIZKIT, but when you open the tin its Nan’s sewing kit. I digress. 

However, there are then those records that exist in spite of common decency...the kind of art that would wipe the smile off of even Bob Ross’ face. The kind of content that, if spoken of in a confession booth, would find the priest asking for forgiveness while hiding your body. Such records include that WILLIAM SHATNER blues album...that “Ram Ranch” album which is less yee-haw and more hell-naw, and we can’t forget KIM PETRAS. That last one ties us into today’s review...let me explain. 

If you recall, Kim’s “Slut Pop” EP was quite simply filth. I mean it delivered on its promise, being one of the sluttiest selections of sexualised dance-pop anyone has ever heard outside of a Brazzers shoot. But it has a challenger. Let me, try to introduce you to REGINA HARDON. Little is known about Regina; to the point where we don’t particularly know if she’s even actually real, with some suggesting it’s some sort of AI project. Allegedly UK based, the only biography I can find on her is riddled with nonsense and there is nothing but mystique surrounding her. This year found her releasing her debut EP; “Bucket Pussy”, as she implores the listener to “grab a raincoat and explore her anatomy”. I implore you to grab your toaster and run a bath...let’s get this over with. 

The EP opens up (I mean it’s practically gaping to be honest) with “Call Me Kim”. While contextually you could believe this to be a direct nod to Miss Petras, for opening the floodgates for such content, it’s more than likely an out-of-date reference to Kim Kardashian given some of the lyrics, and once again it’s the lyrics that grab your attention harder than Donald Trump can grab a pussy.  

It’s for the best part a track about getting dicked and making a sex tape essentially, and some of this lyricism is simply poetic. “Come in my room lets have some fun, see how many dicks you can fit in my bum” ...you going for a Guinness world record love? How many do you need up there like? “Rub my clit let's make a porno, make sure you strum it just like a banjo” ...ah yes, the banjo, the most seductive of instruments. Nothing says passionate love making like the sound of being sodomised by hillbillies. “Swallow your kids – call it child neglect” and “Murder this bussy like you’re Jeffrey Dahmer” ...make you double-take, but the following lines legitimately made me laugh out loud. “Think I queefed when you went down on me, blasted you away like Hurricane Sandy” and last but by no means least, “Find my clitoris, make me wet, pussy talk French oui oui baguette”. Words evade me I swear...we’re only one track in and I’m at a loss. We haven’t even touched on the music. It's slow, low and synth-driven with minimal clapped percussion with light high-hat dustings...it’s frankly irrelevant. Seriously, it’s ONLY background noise as she spoken-word raps away in a very flat, lifeless manner; this is awful. 

We follow up with “In The Air” and we’ve got more of a pulsing electronic aesthetic kicking things off, before the first line “Took a shit in the shower”. Marvellous. She didn’t even waffle stomp it down the plug hole, dirty bitch. The vocal delivery here is more regimented, almost bullet pointed and cold, very synthetic in presentation, and it remains this way for the track's duration in more of that spoken word style. She’s on about, doing yoga on the pole, paying for drinks with her hole, all the while at the bar with her dad? More absurd lyrics about sex and it’s really quite one-dimensional already. In the air? In the bin with this one. 

Halfway there now and we have her first single I believe; “Never Been To Mexico”. Now, I myself have never been to Mexico, but I promise you this instant, you’ll never see me writing and recording songs about riding dick because of it. I don’t care how good the tacos are. Apparently, it’s about giving sexual favours in return for being spoiled with exotic holidays and such, sort of unashamedly sugar-daddy-ish. The instrumentation again is minimal at best, some synth-effects giving off an echoed sound, with more basic high-hat tickling. More lines like “My bum is soft like an uncooked chicken breast” continue to ensure this is utterly ridiculous and it’s already not funny by this point. You’ve probably never been to Mexico because they won’t allow you into the country, on account of you likely being so incredibly infectious with a catalogue of STD’s. North America wouldn’t have seen such devastation to its populations health since Columbus landed! 

There’s nothing subtle about our next track; “Sitting On His Face”. It’s got this almost icy hip-hop / trap style beat which gives it more of an urban vibe, which does admittedly accompany Regina’s vocal delivery better, but that’s about as much of a compliment you’ll get out of me for this entire EP. Her spoken style and presentation here honestly reminds me of that LOUIS THEROUX money jiggle-jiggle rap, that’s how toneless we’re talking. Some of the lyrics here are outright nasty, like, seriously I want to jet wash my ear drums with a flamethrower. “I start to cream but its green cause I’m clapped” and “His tongue is in my sandwich; he’s having a picnic” nearly put me off my kebab. NEARLY. 

Finally, then we finish on (No I won't say that I won't give it the satisfaction), we conclude this EP with the title track, “Bucket Pussy” and we’d have been naïve to expect anything different here really, wouldn’t we? It’s another subdued, lightly synth layered, percussive piece of background noise for more eloquently delivered smut, as she proudly describes the sheer enormity of her massive apocalyptic minge. There is a slight key change to her vocals on the chorus, if you can call it that...so there IS progression...but it’s far, far too little too late for redemption at this point.  

Given the lack of variety in Regina’s monotone vocal delivery it’s easy to see where the AI accusations come from, as well as the lack of information and photos, but regardless of if she is some computer-generated project or not, this EP is about as entertaining as chemotherapy and about as welcome as Jimmy Saville hosting BBC's Children In Need. The music is an afterthought and contributes next to nothing of merit, while the flat delivery of such strumpet loaded lyrics makes you wonder, what is the point? There is the briefest period of amusement on first listen given the ridiculousness of the content, but the shock value and humour dissipates well before the end of this five-track EP. I could let a Brazilian wandering spider bite me directly on the dick and I still wouldn’t get hard for Regina here, honestly, I think we’ve found a cure for priapism. This is one of the single worst things I’ve heard in my entire life. Sure, I’ll call you Kim, but I’m calling my ass an Uber because having listened to that, I’m off to the GUM clinic. [0]

What is it, about the number two? Coincidence or not, the number two has seemingly had an aura of negativity in several aspects of life. If you come second in a race, you’ve technically just been the best at failing. Kids go through a phase called the “Terrible Two’s”, because most parents want to yeet their own toddlers into a woodchipper when they’re that age. Also, a number two is LITERALLY an expression for taking a shit! So, how does this apply to media? 

Let’s take films for example...a sequel, is very rarely as good as, let alone better than, the original. “Jaws” was the original blockbuster, but repetition, a 3D gimmick, and Michael Caine vs a roaring shark, sank that franchise quicker than I can sink Jack Daniels. “The Exorcist” is a horror masterpiece, one of the greatest movies of all time... “The Exorcist II: The Heretic” however, was merely possessed by bad acting and a plot so piss poor demons prayed to make it stop. The list goes on, as there’s “The Crow”, “The Lost Boys”, “Tremors” …but that’s just film. What about music? 

The “Difficult second album” is typically a recognised phenomenon surrounding sophomore releases, that finds a band or artist either making it, or breaking it. If you’ve managed to strike gold on your debut, you better be ready to back it up, because seldom does lightning strike twice, and styles, trends and popularity wane so consistently and quickly in music, you need to be on the ball. But what if your debut album blew absolutely everything out of the water, not only for that year, but this entire CENTURY to date? We’re of course about to discuss LINKIN PARK. 

When the band dropped “Hybrid Theory” in the October of 2000, it completely re-set the bar for what an alternative rock band could accomplish, as, it went on to go 12x Platinum in the US alone and has shifted over 32 MILLION copies worldwide. Linkin Park were THE hottest band on the planet, and their angst-riddled, intense yet melodic blend of hip-hop and rap, with crunching guitars and scorching vocals, saw the band reach heights many can only dream of. They had a problem on their hands though; how in God’s name would they, or more importantly COULD they, follow this up? Well, damnit they had an answer for that! 2023 marks the 20th anniversary of that seemingly impossible second album, “Meteora” ...let's look back and see how they faired. 

We start off very annoyingly here with “Foreword”, as it’s beyond pointless as a stand-alone track. It’s a 13 SECOND intro of gently pouring rain, and light knocking until you hear glass shatter, transitioning into the next song; “Don’t Stay”. That’s it. You may as well have simply extended “Don’t Stay” by those 13 seconds and absolutely nothing would have changed, because it already blends well, and these decisions just baffle me. Conceptually there are elements in this brief sequence that could allude to say, a glass ceiling, the band breaking through barriers and boundaries to achieve what few have done in recent times, before the actual track kicks in with the slowly built riffs, until it erupts with its nu-metal gloriousness. In some ways it could be seen as a subtle dig at their label, who pushed for more of the same following their debuts success, the headache of contractual obligations, being told who to be, how to sound, while naturally it could easily be about a failed relationship. It screams of wanting to be done with something, someone, wanting to grow, to evolve on your own terms, and it’s a powerful opener. 

Next up then we have the first single to be taken from the album; “Somewhere I Belong” …and if the predecessor had four singles, then “Meteora” had to have five. “Somewhere I Belong” sonically in ways, with some of the music video presentation and structure, felt like, a semi-canonical successor, or follow-up to “In The End”, with Chester’s minimal vocal melodies complimenting Mike’s bars, before a harder hitting chorus line and well utilised heavier elements. Grittier, ample Japanese Gundam influence, following on from "Reanimation", but still very much Linkin Park, and they clearly showed consistency upon this release. Again though, at what cost? Mike spits lines like “Just stuck, hollow and alone, and the fault is my own” …were they victims of their own success, doomed to live in Groundhog Day creatively? 

Allow me to preface the following review, with an outpouring of regret, grief, more regret, bewilderment and, a little bit more regret, through a literary veil of self-therapy. There was absolutely zero reason, obligating me to conduct the following review, but, at the same time, there was absolutely EVERY reason that I couldn’t NOT do this review. This is the review equivalent of Hogan v Warrior at WrestleMania VI, but with more baby oil...let me set the stage. 

You know by now that, while I am perfectly capable of writing a decent, or at the very least, serious review, whether here or over on ALL ABOUT THE ROCK, I get my kicks out of the more, unusual and questionable releases available to me. I can point my finger at the likes of, KIM PETRAS, or, going back to COREY FELDMAN; I like a challenge, but this is the sort of thing that can break a man. This can Brokeback Mountain the fuck out of a man...this is “Ram Ranch” by GRANT MACDONALD, and I blame young Charlie Bryant for this 1 hour and 7 minutes of audio torture. Even the inmates at Guantanamo Bay would feel sorry for me here, but, fuck it...saddle up, we’re going in (Dry)… 

Firstly, who IS Grant Macdonald? Little is known about this alleged Canadian, other than that he might be Canadian, and his name might be Grant Macdonald...he’s like the BANKSY of homoerotic cowboy rock. The album we’re tackling today originally came out in 2012, so, aside from being a rare case of retrospective reviewing from me, we’ve had a decade to process, and at times, begrudgingly accept “Ram Ranch”. It’s been used as pro-LGBTQ+ content in protests and rallies, and over its existence it became a running meme and an ongoing source of absurdity. To this day Grant has apparently released SIX HUNDRED variants of “Ram Ranch”, which is frankly both impressive and alarming. Dude has a passion, what can I say? With that said, the only way is down, as we process this piece of... art? 

The album opens up with the title track, and, we initially have a dose of rather subdued heavy metal instrumentation, with all of the riffs, licks and kick drums. I say subdued because it’s practically background noise. On a production level, it’s like a demo in terms of audio quality, but the capability is there, that in itself is promising...but it’s the vocal content that draws attention here.  

Allow me to set the tone lyrically; “18 naked cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch, big hard throbbing cocks wanting to be sucked, 18 naked cowboys wanting to be fucked? Cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch on their knees wanting to suck cowboy cocks; Ram Ranch really rocks!”. This is the primary content of the track from start to finish, and it’s the absurdity of this that, at first, makes it mildly amusing and, quite distressing simultaneously. The worst bit? The spoken-word over metal sounds like, CHILLS, arguably THE WORST YouTube narrator in the history of the internet, got a record deal. The repetition and looping of track one IS painful, sure, but we have 11 tracks left. Even my Jack Daniel’s needs a Jack Daniel’s... 
 
Second track “Plowboy” has such a reverberated overlay of vocal samples, it becomes an absolute trippy mess from the moment it starts, with some, moog-esque synths, setting the tone for some almost 70’s porn rock sleaze. It’s the kind of thing to make your eye twitch, which one all depends on you and your tastes, I’m not here to discriminate. 

Next up we have, “Cowboys Fucking Cowboys” and, you remember when KID ROCK was like, “I wanna’ be a Cowboy baby!”? Yeah, we’re going to shatter his dreams right now. The gentle acoustics here could easily, EASILY be used for a more serious, affectionate country ballad, but there’s so much lyrical cowboy fucking here, riding butthole’s deep...it’s like...you know when ROGER ALAN WADE did “If You’re Gonna’ Be Dumb” for JACKASS, but instead of a montage of stunts, it was gay porn...that about sums it up. 
 
“Prince Harry” returns abruptly to that riff-heavy metal musicality, and it’s a wonder how the ever-loving fuck he got away with this one. I don’t know if this would be art, slander, or character assassination, but telling him to ride those big hard ram ranch cowboy cocks, bouncy, bouncy up and down, up and down, drink that cum, ram another cock up your royal bum? I don’t even know where the line is legally with this. I think of Harry now, in 2022, but this was ten years ago, ok Harry was still 28 at the time, but Christ. This is worse than that time he wore that Nazi costume to a party and made the front page. Who would have thought THAT could be topped? 

Next up, I feel personally attacked, as we have “Suck That Cock Gavin”, and, no. Firstly I’m not even joking, that’s that track name! I’m barely here to listen to the album, I’m certainly not signing up for that. I recently reviewed VR SEX and not even they were that immersive, calm the fuck down Grant! Or at least buy me dinner first!? I’ll take the salad, hold the ram ranch dressing please... 

“Big Hard Cowboy Cock” sounds like, generic mid 90’s WCW music, excluding the lyrics, obviously, Ted Turner wouldn’t tolerate that. Imagine like, the Nitro Girls were gay cheerleaders? Disco Inferno and Alex Wright would have much better careers. ” Hard Horsecock” implies that we’re entering the world of bestiality here now, and I don’t even know what I can get away with. We’ve all heard the phrase ‘hung like a horse’, but this is sung like a cunt. “12 Inch Cock” has industrialised metal elements but it’s more like, queer factory than FEAR FACTORY, while “Stable Boy” houses a more urbanised gangsta-rap / hip-hop aesthetic, but it drops more soap than it does bars. 

Ultimately, whoever Grant Macdonald is...he’s committed. Or at least he should be. Credit to him, I can barely think of the words to sum this up. Not since AC/DC has an artist produced so much content with so little substance. Sure, he’s able to mix it up musically, utilising rock and metal, country and Americana, as well as hip-hop, so he’s technically actually better than AC/DC, but lyrically and vocally, I’m assuming it’s something you have to be in-on, or, ‘get’.

Ideal for reaction videos, or making friends and family question you when they hear you play it on Spotify, but, at over an hour long, it’s not a fun album in the slightest, and once the initial shock wears off, and you’ve done the whole “Wtf?” head shake, it very quickly becomes monotonous and boring. Let’s be honest, there’s only so much hard throbbing cowboy cock you can take, y’know? No? Ok then... [0]

I get A LOT of emails, not as many as big publications obviously, but for me, I get a lot, and I literally can’t keep up with them all. This means I either take virtually forever getting around to some reviews, resulting in the peak promotion period usually having been and gone, for that I do apologise. Sometimes I forget about submissions entirely, for which I also apologise, and a lot of the time, I’m sent singles. Now, this blog has been running since 2014 and 99% of the content here, bar the odd rare article, is comprised of EP and album reviews. I’ve nothing against the humble single, I miss the days of picking up CD singles in Woolworths wondering what B-Sides you’d be treated to…but writing a full review for just A single is something I’ve always personally deemed a bit of a ball ache.

Going forward, I am going to try to, once a week (The key word being try here, I’m making no promises) present a general collection of single submissions from my inbox in one article, to try and ensure I don’t miss out on potential gems, and more importantly, to also clear some space in my inbox (At this time of writing I have around 650 unread emails…LOL). With that in mind, here are seven randomly selected tracks that I have been sent, that I would like to share with you, in the first GTGC Unlucky Dip; the result of combining Speed Dating with the heartfelt Comedy Roast.

We're going to kick this feature off with a 4-piece from London by the name of HEAVYMAN. Comprising of vocalist/guitarist Charlie Yang, drummer Tom Papaloizou (I'm pretty sure he was in "The League Of Gentlemen"?) bassist Igor Fonseca and lead guitarist Nick Burns, they recently got in touch, stating that were fans of the blog and were themselves fueled by alcohol and sarcasm, asking me to check out their debut single "Baby Jean". How could I possible refuse?

Initially sounding like something you'd hear from early TURBONEGRO, it soon transitions into a more methodical, groove-rich slow jam of a southern blues rock effort. It covers all the bases with some slick guitar work and vocal swagger for some textbook classic blues rock. With more tracks scheduled to be released over the coming months, these are ones to watch.

"Now this is a story all about how my life got, at most, mildly inconvenienced, but I'd like to take a minute just to share this my friend, and talk about this new single by The Fresh Prince Of Bellend".

You know all the meme's with "Now listen here you little shit..."? Well that's essentially me right now with RORY K. A native of downtown Manhattan, New York, Rory was born into a musical family, with his dad having been in the late 80's socio-political rock group BLACK 47. So imagine his dad's disappointment to see Rory here peddling some of the most uninspired, cringe-worthy rap/hip-hop an eleventeen-year-old would perform, on the track "Heat Thru Your Body"...I bet he finds vanilla spicy.

From the intro that sounds like seagulls having a stroke, to the combination of abysmal lyrics and self-indulgent vocals...and the embarrassing video, it's just...no. The bit where Rory is, (I'll use this term loosely) "performing" in front of some street graffiti, why are you holding a mic? You look like an absolute tit mate. And you emailed me three times for this? Assuming I hadn't replied because I couldn't stop dancing to the track? I would sooner invite my enemies to dance upon my grave than dance to this myself. And it's through*...for the record. I'm beginning to regret this new feature already...

I honestly don't know why I get sent this stuff...I'm not against rap and however many hip-hop subcultures there actually are, but it is SO rare I find any that I genuinely like. I can appreciate a flow, or a beat, sure, but there is too much recycled rap out there full of cliches about money, bitches, drugs and ho's and quite frankly I don't care about any of it.

"Twerk It Out" is the new track from Cleveland Ohio based hio-hop veteran DEEJAY CENTIPEDE, who has been spinning records since the 80's, and it features Sonny Vajra and Tee Hova...which...means absolutely nothing to me. It's got a certain 90's vibe going on which I guess you could describe as "fresh", with some soft synths poorly underlying some genuinely irritating clapping percussion. A lot of autotune going on in the vocals, and I can't lie, outside of this blog, I wouldn't listen to this...I'd rather be in the middle of a Human Centipede truth be told, but that's just me. As of now I'm outlawing Twerking on GTGC. 

Austrian psychedelic rock trio MOTHER'S CAKE (Consisting of lead vocalist/guitarist Yves Krismer, bassist Benedikt Trenkwalder and drummer/backing vocalist Jan Haussels) are set to release their new album sometime in the Autumn of 2020, and tease interesting things to come with their latest single "Toxic Brother".

The onslaught of fuzzy guitars and echoed vocals, delivered among a frenetic, up-tempo barrage of stoner sludge-punk is as fun as it is exciting; the energy is real here and it'll easily appeal to fans of say, EXIT_INTERNATIONAL. The gradual fade-out of the track counters the increasing levels of insanity as you can hear the mental breakdown as it happens...this is a solid track.

Returning to the UK now and more specifically; Hull, and we have a four-piece hardcore punk outfit by the name of SMILING ASSASSIN. Consisting of vocalist George Garnett, drummer Robbie Johnson, guitarist Josh Rogerson and bassist Casey Stead, they were forwarded to me by the wonderful folk over at Rage PR.

The new socio-political single "National Pride" is taken off the forthcoming album "Plight Of The Millennial" which is penciled for release on May 31st, and it combines all the vitriolic aggression of hardcore punk with the instrumental impatience of trash metal, easily taking influence from the likes of THE EXPLOITED or MUNICIPAL WASTE. It's an intense listen and suggests that the new album is going to be an absolute scorcher.

Now I'll start off by saying this...on initial listen, it's not as annoying as "Despacito"...but I'm not ruling it out overtime. It's another one of this Latino-inspired R'n'B/rap offerings that's meant to sound all smooth and sexy in the club, but I'd rather just sit in the corner with a warm bottle of Bacardi squeezing fresh lime directly into my eyeballs. 

L.D.N's contribution is fine and his rapping isn't bad, probably the most enjoyable aspect of this track in all fairness, but that doesn't really say much. Also, Mi Carino means My Sweety...creepy much. Your Nan singing this is she mate? Bomboclaat don't say shit like sweety fam ya get me? Real talk blud. I just lost the plot, literally watched it run off...

We round off this selection of tracks by coming full circle back to London, to find CALLING ALL ASTRONAUTS an their newest single "Welcome To The Black Bloc". The trio (Consisting of vocalist/programmer David B, guitarist JJ and bassist Paul "Buzzsaw McCrudden) mix elements of punk rock attitude and an electronic, almost light industrial tone for their sound, bridging the likes of PITCHSHIFTER, MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE and MINISTRY for a no-nonsense blast of socio-political neo-dystopian noise.

The single is officially released on May 29th, with the new album, entitled "#Resist" dropping shortly after on June 5th, via Supersonic Media which I'm sure is going to an incredibly charged listen.

Some of you may be thinking, Gav…how many reviews can you shoehorn references to Covid-19 into? Well…my friend, as it happens, as many as I want. You see while a lot of you are crying over 2020 festival season being buggered into next year, I’ve got my own agenda. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy festival experiences, but I am instead honestly quite reclusive, so one of the things I personally look forward to every year is the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST.

Long-time readers will know I usually cover the show in some way shape or form, be it a run-down of finalists, covering past winner’s releases, or even just live-Tweeting the event…this year, I can’t enjoy this. This year I couldn’t look forward to sitting in front of my TV on the rare occasion I do, to watch Graham Norton sarcastically bury a plethora of countries. This year I couldn’t respectfully raise a glass of Bailey’s to Sir Terry Wogan during song 9, (Who am I kidding it’s a bottle of Jack). This year I couldn’t even get annoyed by the very political voting system I expect each and every fucking year as if it’s some shocking conspiracy. Covid-19 brought an end to all of that…and for that…I despise you, even though you’ve given me two months off work paid. 1st world problems, yes, but still. Alas…what I CAN do at least is channel my inner Jim Bowen, and have a look at who could have won, as Eurovision still at least released the 41-track CD of each countries entry. With that said…Good Evening Rotterdam! Open up, and let’s shine a light on the performers to see who gets 12 points….

​I’m going to preface this by stating that no I am NOT going to be analysing every one of the 41 entries as frankly I don’t even think lockdown is long enough for me to do that, but I will mull over my personal highlights, and as usual, the Eurovision double-album does things alphabetically, so we start with Albania. Their entry is “Fall From The Sky”, performed by ARILENA ARA and it’s one of two primary Eurovision tropes…heartfelt ballad, or fucking bonkers. This one falls into ballad category and as an opening track it’s a fairly safe one. The light piano allowing Arilena’s emotive, powerful vocals to really shine and there’s a dramatic intensity to this performance; a wonderful start. If you enjoyed that ballad however, hold on to that thought because you’re going to get sick of them over the next say, I don’t know… album? 

Armenia’s entry “Chains On You” by ATHENA MANOUKAIN tries to modernise things with some middle-eastern inspired trap and mumble rap…as far as the genre goes it’s fine, it’s the kind of thing you’d find Charlie Sloth spinning, but it’s not for me. Australia are still participating even though their initial anniversary guest spot was a few years ago now, and their entry “Don’t Break Me”, performed by MONTAIGNE is…another pop ballad. Granted the modern production and bold yet husky vocals find her somewhere between say, DUA LIPA and SIA in some ways, and it’s not bad. Onion Bhaji are up next…sorry, no, Azerbaijan are up next with “Cleopatra” performed by EFENDI and we get more middle-eastern / Egyptian musical influence, before leading into more Western pop stylistics…up until the part where they start summoning demons and shit…honestly that’s what it sounds like. Seriously, I thought my desk was going to start floating or my eyeballs were going to bleed!

Let’s see what else we have here…Belgium’s entry “Release Me” by HOOVERPHONIC in its own ways sounds like a BTEC version of BILLIE EILISH doing a Bond Theme…that’s the best and only way of describing that, you’re going to have to get way off of my back about that one. Skipping ahead now but keeping a colour scheme it’s Germany who have the next real highlight with the track “Violent Thing” by BEN DOLIC. Sadly the track is about as violent as two kittens having a pillow fight…I was expecting this year’s rock entry or something but we get another up-tempo pop offering. It’s got some brass elements and a bit of funk, and an impressive high note, resulting in quite a catchy little track, but it’s not what I was hoping for. Speaking of getting my hopes up, I ALWAYS look for Finland’s entry since LORDI won it in 2006, and this year, their entry “Looking Back” by AKSEL was…meh. It’s a pleasant indie-pop piece with ample melody, nothing like Lordi, or even SAARA AALTO from 2018; disappointing this one I’m afraid, you let me down Finland.

Next up, we have the United Kingdom…and as a Welshman, you might think I’m going to be biased here, that I’m going to sing praises to our entry as if they’re God’s gift to mainstream music…well I can assure you, that you are wrong. JAMES NEWMAN is our entry for this year with the track “My Last Breath” and I would sooner give up my last breath than have this song win the competition, despite it making things logistically easier for me to attend in 2021. Another copy and paste type of emotional male-led pop song akin to anyone from JAMES ARTHUR or SAM SMITH or any generic bollocks like that…it’s just so bloody boring! Georgia on the other hand, do somewhat peak my interest…”Take Me As I Am” by TORNIKE KIPIANI is, admittedly, lyrically fucking awful, let me make that clear, but the deep, electronic tinged moody indie tones easily mirror the styles and sounds of say, IMAGINE DRAGONS or AWOLATION etc, and this is arguably as dark as things get this year.

Skipping eagerly ahead now as we’re still only about half way here, we get Ireland and honestly…this would have been a contender for the competitions winner to break their own record, securing eight competition victories. “Story Of My Life” by LESLEY ROY gives off some serious KATY PERRY vibes…it’s a bouncy, light-hearted absolute banger of a pop anthem. Sure there’s repetition, a little instrumental monotony and some childish qualities but this is the kind of track you’d understand being all over commercial radio this Summer time…never mind the political voting, Covid-19 potentially robbed Ireland of this year’s win! Do they have any contenders however? Why in fact yes they do, and there is some STRONG competition from Iceland, and who some may say are favourites to win; DAðI FREYR with the song “Think About Things”. A synth-rich, full on disco-funk driven indie track…it is so simple in execution with the most basic of hooks, so much groove in so little effort, this is superb.

Jumping forward then we have THE ROOP with their entry “On Fire” for Lithuania…and it’s another basic pop track with pulsing electronic elements, dance-pop qualities with all of the synth laden hooks, it’s not as good as past winners such as MÅNS ZELMERLÖW for example but it’s along the same vein and personally I enjoy this, it’s arguably my favourite, despite some questionable vocals in places…and the video is as stated above; fucking bonkers. The rest of the album sadly doesn’t really throw up many particular highlights or memorable tracks, other than “Uno” by LITTLE BIG representing Russia. The “Skibidi” outfit had my attention going into the competition don’t get me wrong, but they’ve done better. Granted they’ve likely been heavily censored but still! SKIBIDI WA-PA-POW! The video does make me laugh mind…it’s all in the knees fam.

Romania come in with the track “Alcohol You” and I thought I was being offered a pint in broken English to be honest, so imagine my disappointment when ROXEN starts warbling her moody, sultry vocals…a slow, albeit grandiose track , though KORPIKLAANI drink better to be fair. Serbia rock up then with “Hasta La Vista” and the name alone has me hooked…have HURRICANE been sent from the future by Sky Net to secure Eurovision victory? In short…no…imagine someone installed LimeWire on the T-800 and the sheer amount of internet aids rendered it out of order. I’ll be very surprised if you’ll be back. Eventually then, and finally, we find ourselves at Ukraine, listening to “Solovey” by GO_A, and luckily, we conclude the album on an unorthodox yet enjoyable note. The traditional native tones of the vocal performance and woodwind elements coupled with a solid dance-pop aesthetic allow for a genuinely soothing and fun listen…I mean I haven’t got a fucking clue what they are saying but I like it!

After all of that, it really is heart-breaking to know that, given Eurovision’s six-decade legacy and tradition, none of the above entries will be able to represent their respective nations and try to put themselves in the history books. Granted some of these songs work better as a stage performance with character and gimmicks as opposed to straight up audio content, but that doesn’t detract what would have been an entertaining evening of live entertainment and multicultural acceptance of diversity. I know I rant and roast but I honestly enjoy the Eurovision Song Contest…I look forward to it every year, and hopefully it comes back all guns blazing in 2021. Where…who knows…no country has ever done two in a row from winning, so will Holland get to host again on a technicality? We can only wait and see…until then, Europe, you’re a beautiful bunch of bastards, for the record, I didn’t vote for Brexit I voted remain…and as far as Covid-19 goes…nil pois.

Metal fans are a fickle lot aren’t they really, let’s be honest…I mean go on social media and browse through the comment sections of any established music outlet. Pick an article, any article, and I can guaran-damn-tee you’ll stumble across any number of elitists proclaiming [Insert Band Here] are not metal enough or, they aren’t metal at all, or they sold out. Some of the memes can be funny don’t get me wrong, but for a collective of supposedly like-minded people, putting specific genre’s to one side for a moment, rock and metal fans can be some of the most narrow-minded and often childish music fans in the world…and this brings us, to BRING ME THE HORIZON.

Formed in Sheffield back in 2004, Oli Sykes and the lads have been raising more eyebrows than The Rock since their debut “Count Your Blessings”…their early energetic deathcore assault was ambitious, and their youthful vitriol and intensity was applauded, but the recklessness and inexperience that came with it drew criticism. Over the years that have followed however, BMTH have gradually toned down their initial brutality, becoming a household name in UK metal in the process, and also one of the fastest rising bands in recent times…but there’s only so far you can really get in metalcore; so in 2015 the band decided to split opinions even further. “That’s The Spirit” was a total departure from their original sound as they’d now started incorporating more electronica and pop production…alienating some fans and metal purists, but finding themselves riding high in the UK charts. Some people don’t like change, but the band are now bigger than ever as they continue down this path, releasing their latest album “amo”…the Marmite of the UK metal scene, or under-appreciated genius? Let’s find out…

The album opens up with an appropriate forewarning entitled “I Apologise If You Feel Something”, and while already a well-executed anti-ballad, it also doubles down as an ironic jab at their critics. A case of sorry / not sorry as they continue to explore new sounds and arrangements, moving further away from their heavy roots, emphasised by the soft, echoing synths and hushed vocals; a cleverly confrontational start. This though is followed up by lead single “Mantra” and the lads are back on anthemic form. Keeping in line with the previous albums sound, the vocals are clean, there’s all of the groove and an incredible hook through the chorus. Despite the heaviness of the lead riff and the pounding percussion at times this is polished with a rich pop production quality and it sounds HUGE.

It’s this type of production that upset so many metal fans last time around, and unluckily for you things haven’t changed a bit this time round either…”Medicine” is oozing the influence that LINKIN PARK had Oli growing up as it blends rock and electronica with a subtle R’n’B vibe, it’s easy to imagine Mike Shinoda guesting on this one. “Sugar Honey Ice & Tea” returns to a more guitar driven core sound but retains the accessibility of the bands recent musical direction, and though while ironically “Heavy Metal” again has some surging guitars it’s far from abrasive.

The majority of this record is comprised of a band happy to experiment and explore; with the album unafraid to shake things up stylistically. With the sweeping, elegant string sections of closing track “I Don’t Know What To Say”…the trance / hard house qualities of “Nihilist Blues” bringing out your inner raver, and the dark, low-fi grime influenced street ballad that is “Why You Gotta Kick Me When I’m Down?” all take the band on different musical directions and it makes for a roller coaster of a listen. Even though on face value BMTH have stayed on this, mainstream path, the evolution is still there for all to see…they have no shame in trying new things, toying with new styles and crossovers and frankly that’s how it SHOULD be. Too often we’re hypocritical of the current scene we’re meant to uphold…band does the same thing over and over? Boring, stagnant, dull…band changes up their sound as they grow as artists? BOOOO traitor! You sold out! You’re meant to be a rock band! Bring Me The Horizon in their current guise might not be for everyone, I totally get that, but what’s wrong AT ALL in one of our own going out there and fucking owning it? Nothing, that’s what…well done lads, shots have been fired. [7]

Back in 2015, HORIZONS got in touch with me to cover a live show in the Redhouse, Merthyr Tydfil, covering a variety of up-and-coming Welsh artists, including THE PEOPLE THE POET, HOUDINI DAX and GABRIELLE MURPHY (Check out my review here). That's what Horizons do, and do damn well if I'm honest; they champion blossoming undiscovered Welsh talents, and together with the BBC and special showcase promotions, they've continued to do over the past couple of years. If ever there's been a more fitting name for a project it would be Horizons, as just like the Sun rising on a new day, so too do fresh-faced artists get the opportunity to shine.

​2018 Saw Horizons take a new batch of bands and artists under their wing, and along with BBC Wales, together they worked on something special, and it involved the iconic ROCKFIELD STUDIOS. The studio, situated in Monmouthshire, was founded in the early 1960's and became the worlds first residential recording studio, but that's not all it's historic for. It didn't take long for Rockfield to start churning out the hits, and I don't mean that lightly. Rockfield has produced a number of incredible albums cementing many a bands legacy, from the MANIC STREET PREACHERS and OASIS in the 90's...going all the way back to QUEEN and "Bohemian Rhapsody" in the 70's...even HIM shaped their gothic-rock masterpiece "Razorblade Romance" in this brilliant little Welsh beauty!

Starting this week on BBC Two, you can see for yourself first hand who Horizons have been working with, courtesy of two mini-documentaries highlighting a select batch of artists, who are not only going to be getting the chance to perform original tracks right there in Monmouth, but will also cover some of the legendary artists who have previously recorded at the Welsh studio. Covering a variety of styles and genres, you'll hear the reggae-inspired tones of ALEIGHCIA SCOTT...the quirky indie-pop funk of Welsh speaking three-piece ADWAITH and the harder hitting swagger-ridden rock 'n' roll of HIMALAYAS. With the first show airing at 10:00pm on Tuesday, January 15th, followed by the second on January 22nd. Both shows (Running time 29 minutes) will be available on the BBC iPlayer for repeated viewing following their aired time on TV. Do check them both out, and check out some of the freshest Welsh music out there today.

Well well well...what can I say? 2018 has been and gone; some of it was awesome, some of it was interesting, some of it was amusing and a lot of it was spectacularly shit...however, one thing that's consistent is the sheer volume of music and art created around the world. 2018 saw me cover my usual rock and metal albums...there wasn't a lot of goth...but I dabbled in some pop, in some rap, in some hip-hop...that's not including that which I checked out for the team over at All About The Rock...ultimately 2018 has kept me on my toes musically and I'm sure that my Top 20's, no matter the category, can show you that. 

From Eurovision bangers courtesy of Saara Aalto...to heavy metal swan songs a la Machine Head. From returning Welsh rap rock renegades The Kennedy Soundtrack...to returning Finnish goth godfathers Musta Paraati. From crossover WWE Superstar Elias...to young crossover Stranger Things superstars forming Calpurnia...you name it there's been something for everyone in 2018 and I like to think I've covered a fair unbiased amount of it. After over 200 albums and EP's, the above gallery showcases the best of the best of 2018 and I hope you agree with my overall picks. Below you'll find the link to the GTGC Facebook page, where you can find my lists in their entirety (Including the bonus WORST 20 OF 2018) and my official GTGC 2018 Spotify Playlist, and I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed compiling it. Here's to 2019 and all of the new music coming our way...some of it will get the GTGC treatment, and you know you're looking forward to that. Peace out bitches...WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB!!!!!!!!!!!!

You may remember a short while ago; I managed to catch up with David Challenger for a chat about all things THE KENNEDY SOUNDTRACK, and got the guitarist to talk about the past, the present and the possible future for the Welsh rap-rockers. Having only recently reformed for the first time since their debut album run in 2002, nostalgia has been ripe within the KST camp, with the band re-releasing that same debut; “Tale Of 2 Cities”, especially for collectors on cassette store day, as well as playing a come-back headline show in Newport. However, with the cassette proving incredibly popular, and the show itself being a sell-out, it would be foolish to pass up on such an opportunity, given the fresh interest in the band. The result; they are not only riding the wave of nostalgia, but they’re owning that son of a bitch Kelly Slater style…and in the wake of all the excitement, they opted to treat long-time fans with a new compilation of B-Sides and rarities, together for the first time on one album…so with that in mind, let’s check out “B-Sides”.

We begin with “You Never Know” and WHAT a way to kick this album off! Originally available on the “Bloodshot Eyes” single, it perfectly encapsulates all that was good with the early nu-metal era of alternative rap rock…the fuzzy guitar distortion, the deep bass lines, the up-tempo delivery…sharp, angst-riddled lyrics and a huge hook-filled chorus, full of melody and harmony. The instrumental-heavy climax genuinely gives you goose-bumps as it filters out with one last flurry of noise and passion and it’s perfect. Firstly this belongs on the actual album, and secondly this deserves to close proceedings, end on a high note, y’know? It’s got that vibe to it…fucking brilliant stuff. We follow this up with the Melodic Mix of “24-7” and while it retains the original rap-heavy approach of the album version, here we find David taking over on vocal duties for the chorus instead of Nic Harvard and it gives us a fresh take on a classic. It’s still full of piss and vinegar but the inclusion of cleaner vocals softens the track, rendering it both freshly interesting but no less enjoyable compared to the original.

Elsewhere we have “Wide Awake” which features a brief guest vocal from SKINDRED front-man Benji Webbe. His inclusion is minimal at best, really, only offering what can be described as Caribbean Scat? I mean that as in the Scat Man (Bee-dap-bap-badda-boop), not as in, shit…please be aware of that, thank you. The song itself is a primarily mellow acoustic ballad and aside from a mid-track tempo-change of Nic’s low-key hip-hop input, it serves as a wonderfully sweet ballad, showing the Welsh quintet were more than one-trick ponies. “Bring Me Down” ironically picks things back up again with a grittier, riff-driven guitar sound before some sleek, classic hip-hop lyrical delivery, in ways harking back to the likes of PUBLIC ENEMY (Think the early Tony Hawk soundtracks), while promotional single “Proud” really gets going in proper KST fashion…really emphasising their status as the valley’s answer to LINKIN PARK…few UK acts truly embraced the nu-metal movement like this lot and despite a genre saturation, their background and tastes allowed them to still sound unique and exciting, which still holds true to this day.

​At only nine tracks long, it’s over far too quickly…alternative versions of “Yourself” and the aforementioned “Bloodshot Eyes” make an appearance, and if anything can be picked at really it’s the deep cut “E.M.B.”, which with its funk-driven instrumental style and almost 70’s guitar-tones sounds more out of place than anything else, but let’s be honest, this is the kind of sound you light up for, if you know what I mean? You do dabble in the devils lettuce, don’t you? Essentially, as was discussed with David, The Kennedy Soundtrack are happy to be back and they’re excited to be playing music again…while at the same time, long-time fans are even happier to have them back themselves. Somewhat of a cult band given their brief original run, but now is THE perfect time to discover KST, or even give them another chance. Hopefully we’ll have new music in 2019, and they’ll be killing music all over again. [8]

​For many, being a teenager brings with it a sense of exploration and discovery; socially, personally and sometimes spiritually in many aspects of life…and for many of MY generation, our teenage years were fuelled by an angst-ridden soundtrack of Nu-metal rap/rock crossovers . We all remember owning the baggy jeans, flaming shirts (Remember those bad boys? Guy Fieri knows what I’m talking about) the skateboard, the spray-can for the tagging…sorry I got carried away with LIMP BIZKIT then…and discovering so many bands your parents hated not even Rachel Riley could keep up with the numbers. But while some of us MAY have grown out of that, and despite not only OUR tastes changing, but the whole world of music itself evolving, some bands still enjoy peddling their rap rock wares to newer, younger generations. With that in mind, today we’re going to be looking at Los Angeles rap-cartel HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD and their newest EP “Psalms”. Following on from the last album “V”, they intend to tide fans over with this new five-track EP while they work on a new full length scheduled for a 2019 release. The questions is, are these songs sacred as the EP’s title suggests, or is this more a pile of Holy Shit?

The EP opens up with “Bloody Nose” but stylistically it’s less of a smack in the face and more of a pace palm to be honest…for the most part a slow-tempo, alternative hip-hop offering with occasionally brooding riffs, coupled with a generally melodic chorus and pleasantly harmonic vocals. There are some more aggressive vocals leading into a bridge but for the most part it’s a generic track that doesn’t really push the boat out. Don’t worry about the title though; you won’t be needing any Kleenex after this one, it’s not POOR but it’s not exactly pummelling either. We follow this up however with clear EP highlight “Live Fast Die Young” and its soft 80’s inspired synth lead, with subdued percussion and hypnotic rhythm provides a genuinely enjoyable listen. The rapped lyrics add an extra dynamic with a change of tone and character but it doesn’t detract from the easy-listening pop-production overall; this is incredibly catchy and gets better with each listen…a solid track this.

Sadly the rest of the EP goes a little bit downhill and the remaining three tracks fail to inspire any level of investment…”Something To Believe” aside from it’s monotonous, droning vocal display offers a really supercilious chorus, attempting to sound like this grand, beautifully produced pop piece…you’d honestly be better off listening to ONE DIRECTION. “Another Level” makes early references to mosh-pits but it’s sadly not as worthwhile as past efforts by TINIE TEMPAH and EMINEM when it comes to awkwardly referencing moshing…and seriously, that chorus; when you say you’re on another level what exactly do you mean; of the fucking spectrum? It would TAKE someone autistic to enjoy this! Finally then we close up on “Gotta Let Go” and truthfully this is a bit better. An innocent beat with a happy-go-lucky tone with more melody and charm rounding things off on a quaint note. While the EP starts off decently, even the quality of “Live Fast Die Young” can’t save this from its overall sub-par quality. Sure it’s a stop-gap for the next full-length but so much of this, even though it’s only five tracks, feels phoned in. They may not literally be un-dead, but they’re definitely sleepwalking through this one… [3]

Those of you who know me or follow this blog kind of grasp that, without beating around the bush, I’m not too up on my rap game. Sure I listen to the odd record for diversity’s sake (A bit like how Steve Hughes goes from Slayer to Enya) but ultimately my rap knowledge and awareness is sub-par at best…thinking about it that’s actually generous, I mean shit did you SEE my rapped review for the newest EMINEM record? HA! It never stops me checking out new music however and thanks to my latest reader’s poll, it was suggested that I sample some Posty…sadly I’m not on any illegal substances and this isn’t about to become the weirdest review of Postman Pat you’ve ever seen…we’re about to delve into the world of POST MALONE.

The New York born rapper has had an interesting  journey into the music industry it has to be said; one of the few rap artists who can pull off not only a fun, rock ‘n’ roll aesthetic, but remain relatively down to Earth about everything while at it, all while sustaining multi-platinum status as a rapper. I mean it’s not often you hear a rapper cite Guitar Hero and emo icons like MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE as a musical influences growing up, but despite this, Posty is now one of the biggest names in modern hip-hop and the recent mumble-rap explosion. Hammering home this point, here we have his most recent album “Beerbongs & Bentleys” highlighting both aspects of Post Malone’s crazy success story…let’s check it out…

We open up this 18-track monster of a record with “Paranoid” and for the most part it’s your typically low-fi, melodic, pop-infused hip-hop track; the slow, smooth rhythm and minimalistic instrumentation, coupled with the auto-tune laced vocal leads this to pretty standard radio-friendly stuff. The autobiographical lyrics speak of his circumstances since finding fame, always watching his back, wanting that normality but when those cheques came; people changed, and despite his accomplishments it’s given him anxiety; an interesting, character building start. The level of self-awareness continues through “Spoil My Night” too, which focuses on the opposite side of the coin, knowing he can use his new found wealth and fame to get the girl with the ‘beautiful boobies’…and that’s a QUOTE I shit you not. While not entirely bragging, he’s aware enough to know the behaviour is toxic and to a degree there’s a level of morality layered within the lyrics.

With over an hour’s worth of music to mull over there’s plenty to talk about here, and we have to talk about some of the collaborations on this record for sure…and this includes the lead single “Rockstar” featuring 21 SAVAGE. The mumble-rap qualities are all the more prominent and it’s easy to see how the modern Soundcloud rap movement helped shape artists like Post Malone. Another minimalist, trap-based track, it really benefits from the less-is-more approach with a slick beat and down-tempo groove, although 21’s vocals couldn’t possibly be any flatter…honest to god he’d better avoid Sweden, Ikea will try to sell him off as a fucking shelf unit that’s how flat he is! Another single “Ball For Me” featuring NICKI MINAJ delivers too with some sickly-sweet retro synths and benefits from Minaj’s more up-tempo lyrical pace and tone, she’s been on form in 2018 taking into account her album “Queen”, they work well together and the track compliments them both.

Posty likes to shake things up a little bit now and again mind and examples of this here are “Stay”, which is honestly a decent little acoustic-based ballad, highlighting his ability as a song-writer, while “Over Now” despite retaining the more guitar driven style, has a more subtle, alternative indie-rock feel to it, channelling those early influences. If there’s anything negative to be said here really it’s simply on a matter of consumption; there is so much to digest here and there are times where you can’t help but feel going over the hour mark was at the very least excessive. For the most part, despite the aforementioned tracks, he CAN come across as a little vocally one-dimensional and it seems he’s quite content with his overall formula…I mean it’s working for him don’t get me wrong, but 18 cuts is a couple of beerbongs too many to be honest, I’d be more inclined to call an Uber than get in the Bentley in this condition. Nevertheless, it’s an enjoyable album for the most part and I’m happy to learn that Post Malone isn’t some terribly named new sub-genre, unless he claims it as his own…I really wouldn’t put it past him. [7]

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past couple of years, or, your name is Madeleine McCann, you’ve likely heard or at least HEARD OF Columbus-based chart botherers TWENTY ONE PILOTS. While the lads have been at it for a while now, it wasn’t until 2015 that they made their big breakthrough with “Blurryface” after signing to Fueled By Ramen…but when I say breakthrough mind you I don’t just mean they got a little bit famous; HELL NO…I mean they were EVERYWHERE. In the charts, on magazine covers, on posters, you name it; you could find Tyler Joseph and Josh Dunn on it…

Not since the likes of MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE or early FALL OUT BOY had an act accumulated such an intense and loyal following in alternative circles, and their quirky concept album about metal health and personal struggles found legions of young rock and pop fans identifying with the characters and concepts contained within. Now, just a couple of years later and after a brief period of media silence, the duo are back with the hotly anticipated follow-up entitled “Trench”…another concept album following on from its predecessor with a sense of fluidity and continuity…but does it meet expectation? Let’s jump in…

We open up with the title track and things are going pretty swimmingly truth be told; fueled by a thicc (Yes thicc not thick), bass-line it surges forward with a super infectious groove, coupled with some subtly layered electronic elements, which are balanced well with Tyler’s laid back, often delicate vocals. Appearing to peter out, we get a soft piano transition, before the track re-erupts with a bassy climax with Tyler's voice tearing into an intense rage. Conceptually carrying on from the success attained by their last record; the new place he sings of, is where he finds himself surrounded by fame, and the pressures they’ve essentially put themselves under creatively; stuck in a trench battling with their own success. It’s a solid start, and really speaking so is the first half of the album in general.

“Levitate” transitions in smoothly too and here we shake things up stylistically, as Tyler embraces his hip hop and rap influences, delivering some slick bars over a classic ghetto beat. He speaks of cowards only showing up when everyone’s sleeping, suggesting that those without confidence or a set of balls don’t want the attention, only acting when people aren’t looking, but here Twenty One Pilots knew all eyes were on them in anticipation…this was always going to be make or break time and it’s been handled brilliantly, they’re very self-aware. This is backed up on “Neon Gravestones”, continuing the on-going theme of handling mental health with some very EMINEM-esque vocal delivery, though restrained it’s a well-paced hip hop ballad.

As I said the first half of the album unfolds very well, with further tracks like “Morph” which utilises a super smooth, soft-jazz R’n’B inspired chorus with brass elements, while “The Hype” harbours a simple yet effective, soft indie vibe almost plucked straight out of 90’s Brit-Pop with a very THE VERVE-esque structure. Sadly, the latter half of this new 14 track album does sadly limp over the finish line with some generally unexciting content. While the strength of Tyler’s songs does lay within his lyrics, it does help if the songs warrant listening to from an aesthetic standpoint and sadly here they don’t. “Cut My Lip” has some interesting Reggae influence and “Pet Cheetah” is just, well…I mean Jason Statham? What the fuck? Aside from that, it becomes a very flat and frankly tarnishes what was looking to be a properly strong album. The excitement generated around their return and the strength of the initial singles sold this record don’t get me wrong, fans lapped this up, and this initially looked like it was going to be a superb sequel, and it DOES start off that way, but they should have gone for a less is more approach. I know they called it “Trench” but they didn’t need to give us the fucking Mariana…[6]

Back in the early 2000's, Nu-Metal was officially in full-swing; a new wave of bands had been established, and the next generation of alternative music fans were about to catapult rock and metal into the mainstream. You couldn't go anywhere without seeing kids in baggy jeans skateboarding, talking about all these cool new bands they'd heard on this channel called Kerrang!...even video games and movies were getting in on the trend with a lot of soundtracks utilising the audible adrenaline rush, especially horror movies and sports games like Tony Hawk's Pro Skater; the whole thing was huge. While bands like LIMP BIZKIT were rollin' high up the charts much to the dismay of disgusted parents, and LINKIN PARK were slowly taking over the world having released THAT album...but here in Wales we could more than hold our own. With a blend of angst-ridden alternative rock, urban hip-hop lyricism and pop melody, THE KENNEDY SOUNDTRACK emerged and dropped one of the greatest yet overlooked debut album's ever to come out of the UK...now, nearly twenty years later, they're back, and I was lucky enough to have a chat with guitarist/vocalist DAVE CHALLENGER, as he looks back with bloodshot eyes, to re-tell a tale of two cities, and look ahead to a whole new soundtrack...

I’d like to just begin by taking a look back to those formative years; for those unaware of KST, give us a bit of back-story…how did you guys meet and ultimately form?

“You know that will reveal how old we are right!? [Laughs] We met around the mid to late 90s while we were in our teens at Crosskeys College in South Wales. Many schools in the area at the time didn’t have 6th forms so you would go to Crosskeys to do your A Levels or whatever else they had to offer. At the time (And I believe still to this day), they offered a BTEC performing arts course, this course had two variants, Drama or Music. The majority of us met on the music course.

In between the sex, drugs, rock ‘n’ roll, and shouting in an alcohol fuelled state at Pontypool’s Rugby lads, we’d also spent a lot of time playing music. Mainly; Manic Street Preachers, Radiohead, Nirvana or Oasis songs, before officially forming The Kennedy Soundtrack in 1999 to start writing our own stuff. One of the first tracks we wrote was “Too Much Stress”, and that version is way different to what ended up on the album. It was more of a 90’s Britpop affair with Nic’s youthful higher pitched rap over the top. Though it planted the seed for the KST to grow…”

The early 2000’s was a really interesting era in rock and alternative music…with Nu-Metal in full swing, so many bands were experimenting with genre crossover’s; the likes of LINKIN PARK and LIMP BIZKIT all taking the blueprint set by RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE and redesigning an entire style…were these bands that you looked to as inspiration?

“Rage was definitely an influence, I remember a friend in high school gave me a black cassette tape that he’d recorded himself with the letters “R.A.T.M” carefully written in Tippex. He said “Give it a listen, there’s no samples or anything, it’s all Guitar!” I was like what IS this? I took it home and grabbed my Walkman and listened to it straight away. This was nothing like I’d never heard before and I loved it. There’s just something about those funky but also heavy riffs that just blew me away.  Up until that point I was mainly listening to U2 trying to figure out what on earth The Edge was doing then this Tom Morello guy was doing even stranger things!

Prior to RATM we were also growing up listening to GUNS & ROSES, CYPRESS HILL, N.W.A, NIRVANA and even prog-rock like PINK FLOYD, YES, and EMERSON LAKE & PALMER. Even the SEX PISTOLS, but I’m sure Johnny Lydon would not be impressed to be mentioned alongside Yes, but to be proper punk you don’t conform just to fit in. I watched an interview with him on YouTube the other day, I think he was quite disappointed with the punk scene. It’s what often happens with counter culture movements, is that they just become another box for everyone to fit into and then become main-stream. Be yourself, though accept your influences! [Laughs]”

With your gritty yet melodic rap-rock sound, you stood out yourselves in the South Wales scene…bands like CATATONIA and STEREOPHONICS had put Wales back on the map musically, but you were part of such a vibrant movement…with yourselves, SKINDRED, FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND and we can’t ignore LOSTPROPHETS as much as society wants us to…what are your memories of back then? A lot has changed in music since, do you look back fondly?
 
 
“Lostprophets! I’m not gonna’ lie, we used to listen to them a lot, as they were around a little before us. It’s a terrible thing to have happened to all the victims, and it goes to show you shouldn’t put anyone on a pedestal. He’s ruined a lot of lives including the rest of the guys in the lost prophets that have to live with it. Anyway enough of that…

I do get nostalgic listening to all those bands; it was part of us as we were developing as people and as a band. Each of us was coming to the band with our own musical background and each one of us was determined to get that into the mix.  That’s the Kennedy Soundtrack, each one of us had a Soundtrack we grew up with to add to the project. Everything from 70’s Prog, Rock, Metal, Reggae, Hip-Hop and even 90’s indie.

Cool Cymru was a term that was banded around quite a lot, though we came a little late to the party and we weren’t really part of that scene, apart from perhaps Skindred. We did play with them from time to time. Benji even did a cameo on one of our B-sides, which I incidentally will be re-released in the coming months through Spotify (shameless plug)…”

You left your mark with the release of your debut album “Tale Of 2 Cities” back in 2002, an album that’s become somewhat of a cult-classic…you delivered so many top tracks like “Learning To Let Go”, “Here 4 You” and that’s without the singles you released…it was a quality album from start to finish and at the time, arguably criminally underrated. Looking back, are you proud of the album still? With hindsight is there anything you wish you'd done differently or not done at all?

“Ha, Is it really a cult classic?  I suppose that just means that not many people have heard it, but the ones that have, love it? Well, I think that’s a good a definition! We are always proud of what we achieved, and looking back now there are things that we could’ve done differently, but it is what it is. We are certainly better musicians and performers now, older, slightly wiser. We are better than ever!”

Much to the dismay of your fans, it was to be your only album, there was and still is genuine disappointment surrounding that, what happened following the initial release and collectively what have you guys been up to during the time that’s passed?

“2002 was a pretty hectic year for us. What with recording the album in the USA and touring, I reckon we probably did around 250 gigs that year, we were pretty worn out and jaded by the end of it. By Christmas 2002 we were dropped from the record company. Shortly after that, around February 2003 we were offered a support slot on tour with STEVE-O from JACKASS. The first gig on the tour was in London’s Shepherds Bush Empire. Let’s just say that the place was full of teenage boys trying to outdo each other and the place was crazy. I remember walking onto the stage with some kids shouting “I’ve puked and pissed on your guitar!”.....I thought to myself, “yeah, whatever”.....but as I walked over to my treasured guitar on stage, glistening under the stage lights with our intro music pumping out over the PA, I picked it up and I felt it slip out of my hand a little. The rest of the guys were taking their places on stage looking similarly concerned as I was. I put the guitar around my neck to realise, that the shouts from the kids at the front of the stage were not just the sounds of youthful banter, but they had actually thrown puke onto the stage. We played for around 20-30 minutes whilst being assaulted by various bodily fluids and projectiles before ending the show wondering what the hell had just happened...

All our gigs up until that point (apart from one gig in Barry Island where we had a little scuffle with one of the local knobbers) had been fantastic experiences, playing with PINK, HUNDRED REASONS, PITCHSHIFTER and various festivals such as Reading and Leeds. But, having just lost our record label, being worn out, and the Shepherds Bush gig was the final straw. That was the last time that we played together on stage. (As of Nov 2018)
Following this we all went on to have normal jobs, leading normal lives, buying houses, raising kids etc etc. Between us we’ve been doing Drug Rehab Work, NHS Management, Stats Office Management, Store Assistants, Carpenters, Youth Workers and Bus Drivers.

While living the 9-5 we’ve still had other musical projects, such as Nic’s Hip Hop stuff;- Applied Science and Knights Of Boom. Elliot has been in almost every band in South Wales from 2003 to current day, such as The Guns, Smiling Tigers to name a couple. Myself and Elliot also performed in Ice Cold In Alex and have new project CATALYSTS. You can find these on Spotify, Apple Music etc."

Now in 2018, nostalgia is ripe and it’s an exciting time for KST fans….Recently (Oct 13th 2018) you re-released your album marking International Cassette Store Day…very much like Record Store Day it celebrates physical format and independent outlets across the country, and to mark the occasion people can now find your debut album on cassette as a limited edition for collectors. How did this come to light and who got the ball rolling to make this happen?

“Well that was serendipitous event back in the summer where I put an old demo tape of ours (Actually originally it was on mini disc but I’ve recently got into cassettes) on eBay to see if anyone would be interested in it. Pretty soon after listing, Ant from Lavender Sweep Records in Swansea messaged me if we’d be interested in releasing the demos for international cassette store day. The plan was to release the demos. As it turned out we decided to keep some of the demos and to re-release the album instead. We contacted our old record company and I must say they have been really helpful and supportive to hear that we’ve reformed. So they agreed to let Lavender Sweep produce a limited run for CSD. There are still a small number available if you are interested!”

If that wasn’t enough, you’ve also been rehearsing for some select reunion shows and have even talked about releasing a collection of B-Sides and rarities…tracks like “You Never Know” getting the deserved chance to shine…clearly the energy is positive; what’s it like having the band back together?

“It’s been fantastic! And this time we’re doing it for ourselves, by ourselves and our main goal is to create music and have a good time. We’ve succeeded at that, so we will keep surfing the new KST wave.”

With the talk of the B-Sides project, coupled with the Cassette Store Day release, the level of activity in the KST camp is exciting…fans have to ask, what’s next? Is the motivation there to maybe get together and write again? Maybe more live shows down the line? Or is this purely a nostalgia trip for the fans?
 
 “We’ve recently been in the studio with the Producer Legend that is Romesh Dodangoda. We will be releasing a single in the New Year from that session. For KST live? We’ll see how our first show in nearly 16 years goes on the 14th December 2018! It’s sold out so it seems there’s appetite for the KST. I think we just might have to think about a show in the New Year, maybe even new material. You Never Know…”

Dave, thank you so much for the chat, all the best for the up-coming projects and more importantly, welcome back!

“Are they human? Are they wolves?” – Wait, what? This is going to be fucking great I can already tell let me read some more of this… “Their looks may be deceiving and even comical at first glance, but they have incredible brain power and a superhuman physique”…I just did a legit LOL. In case you’re wondering, this isn’t the plot synopsis to some low-budget Lycanthrope movie; it is in fact the back story to one of the biggest bands currently tearing up the Far East! If I may, allow me to continue; “Such superb abilities enabled them to carry out the planet’s most challenging top secret missions, and made them untouchable by the world’s fearsome and powerful leaders including Genghis Khan, Attila the Hun, and Ivan the Terrible.”…this is incredible…this is absolutely incredible, let me just compose myself for a minute.

The band in question is MAN WITH A MISSION and the Shibuya based 5-piece (Consisting of vocalist Tokyo Tanaka, guitarist/rapper Jean-Ken Johnny, bassist Kamizake Boy, drummer Spear Rib and DJ Santa Monica) are collectively one of the most relevant and loved rock bands in Asia today, selling out arena’s all over the continent, having racked up millions of streams and views on platforms such as Spotify and YouTube…but over the past year they’ve been broadening their horizons and have reached out further afield. Some of you may recognise them from their tour slot supporting DON BROCO recently but  now in 2018 they’ve released their first international album; the appropriately titled “Chasing The Horizon”. The question is are these wolf men leading the pack, or just barking mad?

The international release itself has a couple of exclusive bonus tracks for those of us outside of Japan, which includes “Mr. Bad Mouth”, “The Anthem” and “Brave It Out”…the former is a well-worked combination of pulsing, bass-driven electronica and an up-tempo, rocking chorus which in places resembles the likes of FOZZY, but that’s really not a bad thing, while the latter uses a more R’n’B / rap-inspired approach to its verses with the guitars and synths layered throughout, “The Anthem” sadly click-baits you into expecting something big and bold, but what you DO get is a morose ballad type track which is very anti-anthem if anything…though it’s message is positive so it’s not all bad, just a tad disappointing.

The rest of the album features a selection of singles that MWAM have previously released and to be fair this is quite an impressive repertoire…”Take Me Under” for example is wonderfully infectious piece of synth driven alt. rock with plenty of melody  and sing along qualities…”Dead End In Tokyo” has the additional appeal of having FALL OUT BOY front-man Patrick Stump on the writing credits, which makes sense when you listen to it, it’s got that certain distinction in tone…sticking to pop-culture references, wrestling fans may recognise “Break The Contradictions” from NJPW’s recent G1 Climax, the track being selected as its theme; with all of its clap-along charm it’s a really enjoyable track, before “Dog Days” give-off a more drum & bass vibe for a really up-beat slab of rhythmic techno. The only real downside I can find really is “Freak It!” which features the Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra…the brass-sections coupled with the progressive jazz elements don’t really sit too well with the almost stop / start pacing of the track and really it just comes across as a failed experiment. All in all for an international debut it’s a shame…a shame because they’re actually a really good band underneath the furry gimmick and ideally we could have heard more of them sooner, and their back catalogue is well worth exploring. Definitely a recommended record, why couldn’t we get these guys instead of fucking BABYMETAL?!?!?! [8]

Now as you’re probably very aware by this point, I don’t really cover much (If any) rap music within these pages, so you’d be right to assume that, it’s not an area I have a great deal of expertise in. I see and hear artists like DRAKE who just mumble their way through life delivering THE most boring tracks you could hear outside of shoegaze and stoner doom metal…seriously how is he so popular? Forget “Hotline Bling” I’d rather block your number AND make myself deaf just to be safe. KANYE WEST is just Kanye West there’s no real explanation for that man, words genuinely evade me, and then there’s guys like 6IX9INE who look like they’ve held fucking Picasso at gunpoint and demanded “Make me famous!”…not even Bob Ross could find happiness in that shit…it’s like he fell asleep and a kid drew on his face in permanent marker and he hasn’t realised yet.

Anyway I’m getting of track now…on my last reader’s poll, despite my lack of knowledge of rap both musically and culturally, you voted for me to check out “Kamikaze”, the surprise new album by EMINEM…and this got me thinking. How am I going to fairly review an album with my own sense of conviction when I have absolutely no idea how to approach it in the first place? The answer is, truthfully, I can’t…but what I can TRY and do is be creative with it. So with that in mind, and forgive me for what you’re about to read, I’m going to attempt to write a RAP, about Shady’s new record and use that as my review. I may or may not pull this off, I don’t even know if this has been done before, but, here we go…somebody give me a sick beat…

“Don’t call it a comeback, it’s more like a revival…that was the plan at least but like a priest he only prayed for survival; cast out out-cast and left in the shade, Shady was left in the dark, like a shadow of his former self and the contrast was stark…you can take your Skylar Grey’s and your Beyonce’s and all collaborations…all your Ed Sheeran’s and your Pink’s and think Marshall tried a bit hard to get over, too many over estimations? High expectations? You could say we had plenty but the feedback on the last tracks left Shady’s blood boil fucking higher than 4:20. It was slim pickings for positives with critics shitting on legacies putting slim way past his prime and about as relevant as any of Kim’s last pregnancies…all these new kids on the block they were part of the issue; grandpa Mathers didn’t matter no more his new material was more like old scar tissue…Lil Pump, Post Malone, Cardi B, on the throne; a new generation of hip-hop was now on-top and wouldn’t throw him a bone but this got under his skin, he’s got a bone to pick with EVERYBODY; if there’s anyone it’s NO ONE who can claim to call him nobody and so with that in mind, you can all go fuck the revival…he’s in the cock-pit cocked back kamikaze aimed straight for his rivals…

We open up with “The Ringer” but he aint dead, there’s no love-lost for no one, there’s only one Shady and he’s brighter than ALL those that think that they outshone THIS rap god; lyrically spitting bars like a machine gun but don’t mention Kelly, “Shots Fired” but didn’t even hit the mark on this album, that’s how relevant YOU are son…with a slow beat and a stop start to the tracks pace Slim puts you ALL in your place and this is just song ONE, unlucky for you we got thirteen to get through we’ve only just begun. “Greatest” is an oxymoron; as he raises the bar with his own  bars and his blistering lyrics, but musically this loop is just lazy and just encourages cynics…making his point on the poorest of choruses, but that’s the whole point that he’s making; his songs slaying even with beats weaker than osteoporosis. “Stepping Stone” is much bigger on melody and humble beginnings, the have’s and the have not’s and why with hindsight that he’s swinging for the young blood, who all swung at him first, this aint about cheap heat like he had with the Moby’s and the Fred Durst’s…he’s learned from his mistakes and he’s making amends but Eminem equals longevity while you’re nothing but trends.

Elsewhere you’ve got a title track bordering on cartoonish but to overlook his statements just makes you look every bit the more foolish; it’s kamikaze for a reason kid and he’s nose-dived, nose to nose with his foes and there’s no remorse as his rap thrives…more Oompa Loompa than Oompah though musically insane it harks back to “The Eminem Show” guess who's back, back again, but if you don’t want the nonsense then he's no longer Mr "Nice Guy", until Jessie Reyez wraps her vocal chords around this rap and you think THAT was your best try? Honestly man it's like she autotuned herself so sound like that time when her own fucking cat died... 
The album in general though is militant, and these millennial rappers just got Court Martialed by Mathers and the message is fucking simple you don’t fuck with the rap god…form is temporary but class is far more than some gold plated iPod, you material rappers couldn’t rap your way out of wet paper bag and honestly? That’s odd; you make comments on the condition of Em’s relevance, lacking any understanding and any sense of benevolence but you’re just wasting time just as much as you’re wasting his oxygen, Slim Shady’s the grand oak tree and your no more than an acrogen...the disdain is toxic like a stain on all rap, a bit like “Venom” at the end of the album coming straight off of the soundtrack…it lacks a purpose or conviction, and legit don’t belong, leave that shit for a B-side or just the special edition, there’s no marvel to THIS song…overall I'd give the record a score above six but that's a bit strong." [6]

​On July 20th, 2017…the world of music, not just rock and metal, was stunned into silence following the suicide of LINKIN PARK’s Chester Bennington. No one saw it coming; and the torrent of tears was matched only by the sheer level of positivity in fond memories and condolences…for Chester was the voice of a generation, the reason why so many of us, myself included, got into alternative music in the first place and nobody could comprehend what had happened. As we all very publicly grieved, and as the tears dried, a sudden and further saddening realisation struck us all; what would happen to Linkin Park? This to many may seem like a selfish thought, but let’s not forget they were one of the biggest bands in the world, far beyond the pigeonholes of genre, everybody knew Linkin Park…and they were now facing an uncertain future, or even no future at all. These thought’s plagued the mind of band-mate MIKE SHINODA who struggled to come to terms with what had happened and had a hard time processing it all…until this year that is. He’s recently released a solo album appropriately titled “Post Traumatic” in a cathartic attempt to deal with it all…let’s join him in paying our respects to the late and sincerely fucking great, Chester Bennington…

The album opens up with “Place To Start” and it perfectly sums up Shinoda’s frame of mind heading into this record...the subdued tone of the low-fi hip-hop gives off a deeply emotional aura of sadness, the hopelessness of not having control in life and the disorientation of not knowing where life goes from here…this is reinforced by a series of voicemail messages from close friends offering condolences following Chester’s death and it’s so very raw and real and you can’t help shed a tear here…a truly painful start. “Over Again” follows up next and here it’s so sombre; it has a level of frustration as we get a glimpse into what’s going through Shinoda’s mind ahead of Chester’s tribute show…having to mourn not only your band-mate but your close friend, but having to be professional and join the grieving public when there’s so much running through your mind; it must have been such an incredibly difficult time for the whole band and everyone close to Chester, which is something we as fans take for granted, thinking only of the music, and not the human beings behind it all; you can hear the agitation in his lyrics, the frustration and he sounds like a man on breaking point…such an effective track.

Album highlight “Nothing Makes Sense Anymore” is an incredibly simplistic, electro-driven pop number that would have easily made its way onto “Living Things” back in 2012 for example…made all the more powerful by its music video, it acts as a perfect metaphor for the aftermath of Chester’s passing, with Shinoda seeming lost, trudging through ash and dirt following a wildfire; looking for answers but finding nothing but suffering and it’s incredibly emotional. This can also be said for “Hold It Together” which highlights the struggles it caused Shinoda in his personal life and how he has absolutely no idea how to cope; to deal, and despite the tracks up-beat delivery it’s a very raw and honest piece, while “Running From My Shadow” tackles the idea of moving on, or the struggles met with wanting to move on but not knowing how to, almost afraid to…with a sense of guilt or loyalty to the memories shared.

The album continues and overall, over the 16 tracks you can’t help but feel that little bit closer to Shinoda upon hearing these songs…so rare is it that an artist can produce out of grief, pain, confusion and ultimately love…and it resonates so strikingly with the listener. As I said previously, Chester touched so many lives and put so, so many of us down this path of rock ‘n’ roll he really did feel like part of an extended family, and this album not only perfectly sums up our own thoughts and feelings which we all share with Shinoda on some level, but it does Chester justice…he was always about the art and the expression and even in the difficulty over the last year, I’d like to think that Chester would be proud of Shinoda for this record, because it certainly wasn’t an easy one to make. If anything I can conclude this with at all, is if you’re having a hard time in life, whatever the reasons, please talk to someone, you are loved and you are cared about, it’s OK to have a little help, and this album could potentially be a good place of encouragement. Thank you, Mike Shinoda, and, RIP Chester. [8]

The UK music scene in the 90’s was an interesting place to be it has to be said…less of an exotic cocktail and more of a dirty pint if anything. At one end of the spectrum we had a rising popularity in girl/boy bands, spearheaded by the likes of SPICE GIRLS and TAKE THAT…at the other end we had the dawn of a new era of darkness by means of the freshly malformed CRADLE OF FILTH and MY DYING BRIDE, and somewhere in the middle of it all, MR. BLOBBY managed a Christmas number 1, I shit you not. The main talking point however was always Britpop, which was of course famously established by the war between BLUR and OASIS, but at the turn of the century when tastes all changed, bands either sank or swam…Blur front-man Damon Albarn however didn’t just swim, he evolved, grew legs, left the pond and changed the concept of performance art as we knew it…he created GORILLAZ.

Consisting of fictional members 2-D, Murdoc, Noodle and Russel, the “group” existed entirely in animated cartoon form and was spawned from Albarn’s growing appreciation for electronic and world hip-hop music, and they made their breakthrough in 2001 via their self-titled debut album and the mega hit “Clint Eastwood”, never looking back, only growing in success with further singles along the road like “Dare” and “Feel Good Inc.” until their eventual hiatus. 2017 saw them return with 26-track behemoth “Humanz” but 2018 sees them back already with the follow up album “The Now Now”…the question is, is it the good good?

We open up with the album’s lead single “Humility” which features famed jazz-guitarist George Benson and what we’ve got is a quirky little, low-fi synth pop piece…laid back in approach combining ambient funk and subtle reggae influences for a very fresh, Summery vibe. This is backed up by the music video, inspired by the Santa Monica lifestyle; carefree and easy-going, and it speaks of the inner struggles of failed romance and yearning, though not entirely serious with Jack Black doing, well, Jack Black things. It’s an OK start…follow up track “Tranz” however is a completely different kettle of fish. Whilst simple in structure and approach it’s got a definite, retro electronic tone musically combining the simplicity of KRAFTWERK and the edgier, darker tones of DEPECHE MODE, all the while utilising some really catchy pop hooks and it works wonderfully, this is easily an album highlight.

Sadly however, highlights over these 11 tracks exist in much the same way Harambe does; i.e. he doesn’t, not anymore anyway (RIP you majestic beast). “One Percent” harbours soft synth melodies that wouldn’t feel out of place in a scene from “Stranger Things”, while “Lake Zurich” is another up-beat, primarily disco / funk-driven instrumental for the most part and it has to be said, on the track “Hollywood”, it’s always good to hear a bit of SNOOP DOGG (Even though the guy will work with almost anyone, refer to my old COREY FELDMAN review for that)…the rest of the album however sadly lacks any real sort of momentum. “Idaho” is structured very much like a dreamscape which would not only put you to sleep, but the sheep you were counting too. “Fire Flies” strikes me as purely ironic and cruel as I’ve literally just reviewed an OWL CITY album and this track actually makes me miss that, before closing track “Souk Eye” rounds things up with some more dreary pop. Damon Albarn is a talented song writer and creator, that’s not in question, but there were days he used to write with a sense of positivity and fun, with more LIFE…lately this project sounds like he’s either half asleep or stoned, or both…honestly, take the W’s off of the album title and it’ll be more appropriate. [3]

Over the past decade or so the UK has properly stepped up in terms of the whole culture surrounding underground urban music, ranging from hip-hop to rap, grime and alternative R’n’B with everyone from THE STREETS to LETHAL BIZZLE and recently STORMZY, all contributing to what is now a flourishing scene up and down the country. You may be wondering why I’m talking about this as I rarely if ever touch rap and it’s many umbrella terms, but, it didn’t put today’s artists off getting in touch with me via email…and being the open minded fellow that I am I decided to swap the breakdowns for the beats and broaden my musical horizons; allow me to introduce to you TOO MANY T’S. The London-based duo (Consisting of Ross Standaloft and Leon Rhymes) have been described as the UK’s answer to THE BEASTIE BOYS and have had several high-profile endorsements from the likes of ROB DA BANK and WU-TANG already, and not too long ago they released their hotly anticipated debut album “South City”…the lads asked me to check it out so the question is, how many T’s is too many? Let’s find out…

We open up with “South City Court” and it’s not long before we’re taking a nostalgic trip down memory lane (If memory lane was a dark city side-street in the wrong part of town)…this is very much drawn from old-school hip-hop with its swagger, tinny percussion and overall tone, it’s so easy to understand where the Beastie Boys comparisons come in to play it has to be said. With its crisp production yet simplistic approach it starts the album off really well. Follow up track “Sixty’s Ford” again opts for a less-is-more mind-set with a primarily percussion lead piece, with subtle electronic elements filtered through sparingly…the vocals are slick and stylistically here they’ve gone for a more jungle-infused grime track, coming off as slightly deeper, slightly darker.

There are several strong cuts spaced out over the course of the album in all fairness showcasing a variety of influences, highlighting the level of quality the UK has been churning out in recent times, “Diamond’s Gold (Ice, White & Black)” for example utilises a strong melodic hook during the pre-chorus that channels artists such as GORILLAZ while the rapping quality has an attitude to it that would appeal to fans of say, KANO or PROFESSOR GREEN…elsewhere then trilogy completing “1992 pt.3” (Which you may recognise from Camden Hell’s lager adverts) is an upbeat, brass infused piece that has a strong DIZZEE RASCAL vibe layered throughout. New single “Tearing Us Apart” is a much softer, rich, R’n’B ballad type piece that has a genuinely infectious groove, showing further diversity, before closing track “Start The Fire” rounds things up with a bold, brassy, pulsing, techno-heavy number, gradually coming down to an almost TWENTY ONE PILOTS inspired piece of alternative pop.

It’s not all bloodclart  quality though yeah you understand me fam? The ‘skits’ here are utterly pointless and serve the album no merit whatsoever, even on an artistic standpoint; “Sira’s Biscuits” and “FM Mangal” respectively as mundane as each other, if anything just highlighting the down-to-Earth mentality of the two but that’s scraping the barrel, other than that it’s a well delivered, diverse hip-hop album. Not my usual cup of ‘T’ (I’m sorry that really is one too many T’s) but definitely a recommended listen. [7]

As you all know by now, every year I do a round up in some way shape or form, of the annual EUROVISION SONG CONTEST. Highly regarded in the UK as an absolutely cringe-worthy cheese-fest, it's no surprise we haven't won it for years, and that's without getting into the shows regular politics let alone the utter shambolic level of fuckery we've found ourselves in under the "leadership" of Theresa May and the current Conservative government...well actually no I'll blame Cameron too, the pig-poking prick! Regardless...we enter every year and hope to not come last essentially. The 2018 final will be held on Saturday 12th May and will take place in Lisbon, Portugal, after SALVADOR SOBRAL won the Ukraine 2017 competition...here I'll be taking a quick run down of all 26 qualified acts and giving my own personal individual score / opinion ahead of the live final...in order of live performance; let's begin...

1] UKRAINE: MELOVIN - "Under The Ladder". Aged just 21, opening the Eurovision Song Contest would seem like a daunting task for many, but Melovin (Real name Kostyantyn Mykolayovych Bocharov) is perfectly at home here, as winner of season 6 of Ukraine's version of The X-Factor. The track is an up-beat, rhythmic dance-pop piece which should in all honesty kick things off really well in terms of tempo and entertainment, but on record it isn't the most convincing vocal display in places and I just hope things don't fall flat for him on the night. 3/5

2] SPAIN: AMAIA Y ALFRED - "Tu Cancion". This is a track taken from Amaia Romero's album "Sus Canciones" and is a collaboration with one Alfred Garcia...sung in Spanish, it's one of the songs this year traditionally sung in the native language as used to be part of the rules before they relaxed things, and for all intents and purposes it's a soft piano ballad with elegant string sections...a lovely song in some aspects but luckily one of the boring ones is now out of the way early. 1/5

3] SLOVENIA: LEA SIRK - "Hvala, Ne!"...NE! NE! NE! We are the knight's who say...NE! *Ahem* All jokes aside, Slovenia's answer to MO / KESHA does a decent job of bringing a modern twist to proceedings. Utilizing a blend of hip-hop production and combining electronica with soulful pop, it's got a decent beat to it overall but it never truly takes off, with the chorus sadly coming across as anti-climatic compared to the level of expectancy of the track. 2/5

4] LITHUANIA: IEVA ZASIMAUSKAITE - "When We're Old". Ironically titled by the 24 year old, and despite her youth this isn't her first Euro rodeo! Having enrolled to compete in 2013, 2014, 2016 and 2017, she FINALLY get's her opportunity to represent her country in 2018. It's an honestly lovely song, focusing on Ieva's hushed, whispered vocals over a gentle piano lullaby...it's a slow one, and one that will rely on mood and emotions conveyed on the night, but it's a wonderfully tranquil track and should score well regardless. 2/5

5] AUSTRIA: CESAR SAMPSON - "Nobody But You". Always the bridesmaid, never the bride...having performed as part of backing vocals for two previous Austrian acts, Cesar finally get's his own shot. Arguably one of the first bandwagon jumpers this year, Cesar brings a fully emotive, gospel sound to Portugal with his blend of soulful pop music, hammered home by a strong melodic chorus...if you're a fan of RAG 'N' BONE MAN then expect to be giving Austria your vote this year... 3/5

6] ESTONIA: ELINA NECHAYEVA - "La Forza". The show isn't over until the fat lady sings...well as it happens Elina is far from fat and we're less than a quarter of our way through so buckle up! A classically trained Soprano, Elina brings a touch of class and vocal quality to proceedings this year, with her powerful vocal range and dramatic, operatic elements...if you're a fan of TARJA TURUNEN for example, you may want to send your vote Elina's way! 2/5

7] NORWAY: ALEXANDER RYBAK - "That's How You Write A Song". FEED. ME. MORE! Oh...sorry...wrong Ryback I was thinking about WWE for a second...but no in all seriousness, Alexander is technically a Eurovision veteran; he WON the competition back in 2009 with a track called "Fairytale"...can the young lad with the violin become a two-time winner this weekend? This funk-driven almost 70's inspired combination of tinny guitar and violin has plenty of energy, but will it be Norway or NO WAY!? You be the judge...2/5

8] PORTUGAL: CLAUDIA PASCOAL - "O Jardim". The hometown-hero as such, Claudia represents the hosts this year taking the torch from reigning champion SALVADOR SOBRAL and will be hoping Portugal can pull off an unexpected victory to retain the Eurovision Trophy for a 2nd consecutive year. Another acoustic/piano ballad, it's got quite a slow build and is honestly quite soppy, potentially risking too many similarities to last years winning song itself...they say lightning doesn't strike twice, I guess Saturday we'll find out. 1/5

9] UNITED KINGDOM: SuRie - "Storm". Oh boy...if you could find me a more fitting song for the UK for this competition I will do sexual things for you no questions asked...not only is the song already two years old and theoretically out-dated, lyrically and thematically it pretty much sums up the state of affairs regarding Britain and the EU and the whole Brexit debacle...metaphorically of course. Musically it is a decent pop track and has it's anthemic qualities but despite any positives I can't see us doing well at all this year...3/5

10] SERBIA: SANJA ILIC & BALKANIKA - "Nova Deca". There's always an entry with utilizes traditional middle-eastern tones and this track is that entry...and seriously what a long-ass intro, taking up nearly a third of the song! It's got a generally simple beat and does pick up, leading into an ultimately pleasant, up-tempo track with subtle dance tones, but it could have benefited  having more of this, less of the intro, as it's shot itself in the camel-toe essentially. 1/5

11] GERMANY: MICHAEL SCHULTE - "You Let Me Walk Alone". Another young talent with a background in reality TV; 28 year old Michael found mild success on Germany's version of The Voice in 2012, where he came third overall, before going on to release his debut album. This year we find him contributing yet another piano ballad to this years Eurovision playlist, and as you may have guessed it's another harmonious love-song with an impassioned climatic feel...again, nice but, it may get lost in the shuffle. 2/5

12] ALBANIA: EUGENT BUSHPEPA - "Mall"...I take one look at this guys name and I swear to god all I can think of is a bush-tucker trial...but my mental issues aside, here we have the first of our demographic-pleasing alternative entries. Eugent is a renowned rock performer in his home country and has actually supported the likes of DEEP PURPLE in mainland Europe, so he's got his credentials...but what is he offering here? A mellow, country-esque traditional folk-pop type piece with an acoustic lead and impressive vocals. It sounds good, I just wish I knew what he was saying. 2/5

13] FRANCE: MADAME MONSIEUR - "Mercy". France hardly needs the bad luck of performing 13th...their results have hardly been the most impressive in recent years, but they hope to change that in 2018. The ambient, synth-pop track follows on from recent success stories such as CHRISTINA & THE QUEENS and may go down well, and though there are no direct ties to the LGBT community, the whole MRS/MR approach could appeal to gender neutral's from an activist point of view...unless that's me looking far too deeply into what is essentially an annual song contest...2/5

14] CZECH REPUBLIC: MIKOLAS JOSEF - "Lie To Me". A potential favourite here depending on the right crowd...full of swagger and groove, Mikolas utilizes the southern blues inspired jazz tones of New Orleans to great effect here, rich in funk and passion, he confidently takes this track by the scruff and simply awaits the laudits of the Lisbon crowd. The recorded version does have some swearing in it, so that'll have to be edited during the final or he may find himself getting nil poi via disqualification... 3/5

15] DENMARK: RASMUSSEN - "Higher Ground". A man of many talents; Rasmussen (Real name Jonas) originally performed in a covers band, focusing on the likes of ELTON JOHN and ABBA, before he turned his attention to acting, focusing mainly on stage productions. 2018 see's him return to singing with this entry; a combination of power-pop and traditional, Nordic heritage in subtle tones. Despite the classic key-change sequence, it does lack a little oomph and falls just short of being an awesome entry. 3/5

16] AUSTRALIA: JESSICA MAUBOY - "We Got Love"...Hang on just a second let me just get Moe Sargi...'YO JESSICA MA BOI!" There we go...that's out of the way now...but no seriously Australia in Eurovision is still a thing. Yes it was novel having them there for the big anniversary show a couple of years ago but, despite not being anywhere remotely near Europe, here they are...the song itself is a generic, light, radio-pop song which wouldn't be out of place in some, teen Disney flick...it's fine but, I really don't see the point this year. 2/5

17] FINLAND: SAARA AALTO - "Monsters"...Finland you beautiful bastard of a country...as if you didn't already supply the world with some of the finest gothic metal and rock bands to ever grace the stage, you also have pop music nailed too by the looks! Saara Aalto ticks all the boxes having dueted with ADAM LAMBERT and ANDREA BOCELLI, not to mention having done voice acting for the Finnish dub of "Frozen", she's a proven voice. Here we have a sleek, electronic-pop monster in it's own right rich in hooks and mainstream appeal and it's an absolute top tune. All of the yes from me. 5/5

18] BULGARIA: EQUINOX - "Bones". Bulgaria's entry features yet another reality TV statistic in vocalist Zhana, who won Bulgaria's X-Factor in 2013...now, 5 years later we find them representing their country in Portugal with "Bones"...the haunting vocal tones and the predominantly dark-pop vibes of the song are pleasant enough, helped by its catchy chorus, but it sounds like a watered down version of "Skeletons" by 2017 Azerbaijan entry DIHAJ to me. 2/5

19] MOLDOVA: DoReDoS - "My Lucky Day". Three is the magic number as they say, and for this trio, it's third time lucky as they finally get to represent their country after failing to secure their place in both 2015 and 2016. Doritos as I shall call them from here on in, have a fun and up-beat approach this year combining modern pop with a GOGOL BORDELLO style of Oompa / alternative. 2/5

20] SWEDEN: BENJAMIN INGROSSO - "Dance You Off". One of the youngest performers at this years final in Lisbon, Benjamin started early and appeared in several Swedish musicals as a child and is hoping his performance experience can carry him through to another Swedish victory. With his soft vocals it can be said he's another JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE inspired pop-starlet but truth be told he's not of the same caliber previous Swedish winner MANS ZELMERLOW, he lacks that spark. A harmless pop song but I'm not expecting big things. 1/5

21] HUNGARY: AWS - "Vinszlat Nyar". Ever since LORDI won it for Finland back in 2006 there's almost always a rock song or two thrown into the mix to shake things up a bit and here we have that very token rock song. AWS deliver on all fronts with a strong melody and even stronger riffs for their hard rock performance, even including that cliched key-change and it has to be said it's a solid track...it wont win but it is a banger. 4/5

22] ISRAEL: NETTA - "Toy". While it's one thing to question Australia's inclusion in what is essentially a European competition, it can be said that you have to question Israel too...although politically and economically they are at least tied to the EU so there's that....anyway I digress this is a song contest not BBC Question Time. Netta Barzilai is an outsiders bet if ever there was one! A fun and up-tempo track for the most part, combining western pop influences with middle eastern traditions...it's a decent listen, that is until the random chicken noises...seriously I don't know if it's a gimmick or an affliction. 3/5

23] THE NETHERLANDS: WAYLON - "Outlaw In Em'". Real name Willem Bijkirk, he acquired his stage name after the late Waylon Jennings as means of a tribute and is no stranger to Eurovision. As part of THE COMMON LINNETS he finished runner-up back in 2014 and hopes to go one step further 4 years later. Mixing bluegrass with southern rock swagger, fans of BLACK STONE CHERRY and the like are sure to give him the nod of approval and send a vote his way. 4/5

24] IRELAND: Ryan O'Shaughnessy - "Together". Despite a lack of luck in recent years, Ireland are still the ones to beat as they've won Eurovision a record seven times since its inception, and they hope to add another victory in Portugal this year.Another TV talent show statistic, Ryan O'Whatshisface appeared in Britain's Got Talent back in 2012, reaching the final only to finish in 5th place...will he do better here? Another sweet, acoustic/piano ballad, it doesn't truly stand out as such but he's got enough Irish charm to win the voting public over...perhaps. 2/5

25] CYPRUS: ELENI FOUREIRA - "Fuego". Apparently Eleni here is the bookies favourite and I've been scratching my head to work out how and why...with her typically modern autotune-laden pop qualities I guess she'd make quick and easy money in the charts commercially, given the success of everyone from DEMI LOVATO to DUA LIPA and the like...it's decent enough pop song for what it's worth and catchy enough but, it's nothing special per se...we'll see. 3/5

26] ITALY: ERMAL META E FABRIZIO MORO - "Non Me Avete Fatto Niente"...It takes longer to say that than they'll stay in the top 10 this year if you ask me...it's emotive enough with its almost cinematic qualities in places but songs spoken in native tongue are hit and miss and never a guarantee...it might benefit from being on last in some eyes, but to many it'll be an afterthought as the audience suffers from fatigue and burnout, and it's hardly a climatic showstopper...I can't see this doing overly well. 2/5

So...there we have it...my run down of the 2018 Eurovision final! Have you heard any of the songs yet? Are you happy with your countries entry and more important;y, who will you be voting for? Leave your comments below, but for now...it's over to Graham Norton to entertain us with his commentary.