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Regina Hardon - "Bucket Pussy" EP

19/11/2023

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You’ll know and understand by now that, I seldom take myself seriously when it comes to my written review content. Don’t get me wrong, there are albums that I do genuinely adore, and occasionally a new band, or artist will pop up that I legitimately recommend and promote wholeheartedly, but, for the most part, I prefer the challenges of the downright questionable.  

There are records by the likes of say, COREY FELDMAN or, BIG DUMB FACE that I’ve tried to be fair with, despite me needing to clean grey matter from under my fingernails, having scratched my head so hard out of confusion. But neither of these were necessarily offensive to my eardrums, despite the low scores, just, stylistically quirky in their own right; unique in many aspects, and unashamedly indulgent in the particular artistic avenues they chose to travel down.  

There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s funny when they get upset. Corey, I accept if I got it wrong when I thought you were in one of the “Sharknado” films... HOWEVER, you proudly correcting me that you were instead in an indie-flick about periods that nobody has heard of is no better. That isn’t cult status, that’s a typo. Wes Borland? I gave your Big Dumb sequel a 5 out of 10, because I was honestly on the fence. I didn’t hate it, I just explained that it’s been a long time since the first big dumb album...people tend to forget. People were going to listen to the new one and think, what in the ever-loving fuck is this?! It’s like, you expect some LIMP BIZKIT, but when you open the tin its Nan’s sewing kit. I digress. 

However, there are then those records that exist in spite of common decency...the kind of art that would wipe the smile off of even Bob Ross’ face. The kind of content that, if spoken of in a confession booth, would find the priest asking for forgiveness while hiding your body. Such records include that WILLIAM SHATNER blues album...that “Ram Ranch” album which is less yee-haw and more hell-naw, and we can’t forget KIM PETRAS. That last one ties us into today’s review...let me explain. 

If you recall, Kim’s “Slut Pop” EP was quite simply filth. I mean it delivered on its promise, being one of the sluttiest selections of sexualised dance-pop anyone has ever heard outside of a Brazzers shoot. But it has a challenger. Let me, try to introduce you to REGINA HARDON. Little is known about Regina; to the point where we don’t particularly know if she’s even actually real, with some suggesting it’s some sort of AI project. Allegedly UK based, the only biography I can find on her is riddled with nonsense and there is nothing but mystique surrounding her. This year found her releasing her debut EP; “Bucket Pussy”, as she implores the listener to “grab a raincoat and explore her anatomy”. I implore you to grab your toaster and run a bath...let’s get this over with. 

The EP opens up (I mean it’s practically gaping to be honest) with “Call Me Kim”. While contextually you could believe this to be a direct nod to Miss Petras, for opening the floodgates for such content, it’s more than likely an out-of-date reference to Kim Kardashian given some of the lyrics, and once again it’s the lyrics that grab your attention harder than Donald Trump can grab a pussy.  

It’s for the best part a track about getting dicked and making a sex tape essentially, and some of this lyricism is simply poetic. “Come in my room lets have some fun, see how many dicks you can fit in my bum” ...you going for a Guinness world record love? How many do you need up there like? “Rub my clit let's make a porno, make sure you strum it just like a banjo” ...ah yes, the banjo, the most seductive of instruments. Nothing says passionate love making like the sound of being sodomised by hillbillies. “Swallow your kids – call it child neglect” and “Murder this bussy like you’re Jeffrey Dahmer” ...make you double-take, but the following lines legitimately made me laugh out loud. “Think I queefed when you went down on me, blasted you away like Hurricane Sandy” and last but by no means least, “Find my clitoris, make me wet, pussy talk French oui oui baguette”. Words evade me I swear...we’re only one track in and I’m at a loss. We haven’t even touched on the music. It's slow, low and synth-driven with minimal clapped percussion with light high-hat dustings...it’s frankly irrelevant. Seriously, it’s ONLY background noise as she spoken-word raps away in a very flat, lifeless manner; this is awful. 

We follow up with “In The Air” and we’ve got more of a pulsing electronic aesthetic kicking things off, before the first line “Took a shit in the shower”. Marvellous. She didn’t even waffle stomp it down the plug hole, dirty bitch. The vocal delivery here is more regimented, almost bullet pointed and cold, very synthetic in presentation, and it remains this way for the track's duration in more of that spoken word style. She’s on about, doing yoga on the pole, paying for drinks with her hole, all the while at the bar with her dad? More absurd lyrics about sex and it’s really quite one-dimensional already. In the air? In the bin with this one. 

Halfway there now and we have her first single I believe; “Never Been To Mexico”. Now, I myself have never been to Mexico, but I promise you this instant, you’ll never see me writing and recording songs about riding dick because of it. I don’t care how good the tacos are. Apparently, it’s about giving sexual favours in return for being spoiled with exotic holidays and such, sort of unashamedly sugar-daddy-ish. The instrumentation again is minimal at best, some synth-effects giving off an echoed sound, with more basic high-hat tickling. More lines like “My bum is soft like an uncooked chicken breast” continue to ensure this is utterly ridiculous and it’s already not funny by this point. You’ve probably never been to Mexico because they won’t allow you into the country, on account of you likely being so incredibly infectious with a catalogue of STD’s. North America wouldn’t have seen such devastation to its populations health since Columbus landed! 

There’s nothing subtle about our next track; “Sitting On His Face”. It’s got this almost icy hip-hop / trap style beat which gives it more of an urban vibe, which does admittedly accompany Regina’s vocal delivery better, but that’s about as much of a compliment you’ll get out of me for this entire EP. Her spoken style and presentation here honestly reminds me of that LOUIS THEROUX money jiggle-jiggle rap, that’s how toneless we’re talking. Some of the lyrics here are outright nasty, like, seriously I want to jet wash my ear drums with a flamethrower. “I start to cream but its green cause I’m clapped” and “His tongue is in my sandwich; he’s having a picnic” nearly put me off my kebab. NEARLY. 

Finally, then we finish on (No I won't say that I won't give it the satisfaction), we conclude this EP with the title track, “Bucket Pussy” and we’d have been naïve to expect anything different here really, wouldn’t we? It’s another subdued, lightly synth layered, percussive piece of background noise for more eloquently delivered smut, as she proudly describes the sheer enormity of her massive apocalyptic minge. There is a slight key change to her vocals on the chorus, if you can call it that...so there IS progression...but it’s far, far too little too late for redemption at this point.  

Given the lack of variety in Regina’s monotone vocal delivery it’s easy to see where the AI accusations come from, as well as the lack of information and photos, but regardless of if she is some computer-generated project or not, this EP is about as entertaining as chemotherapy and about as welcome as Jimmy Saville hosting BBC's Children In Need. The music is an afterthought and contributes next to nothing of merit, while the flat delivery of such strumpet loaded lyrics makes you wonder, what is the point? There is the briefest period of amusement on first listen given the ridiculousness of the content, but the shock value and humour dissipates well before the end of this five-track EP. I could let a Brazilian wandering spider bite me directly on the dick and I still wouldn’t get hard for Regina here, honestly, I think we’ve found a cure for priapism. This is one of the single worst things I’ve heard in my entire life. Sure, I’ll call you Kim, but I’m calling my ass an Uber because having listened to that, I’m off to the GUM clinic. [0]
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Linkin Park - "Meteora: 20th Anniversary"

23/4/2023

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What is it, about the number two? Coincidence or not, the number two has seemingly had an aura of negativity in several aspects of life. If you come second in a race, you’ve technically just been the best at failing. Kids go through a phase called the “Terrible Two’s”, because most parents want to yeet their own toddlers into a woodchipper when they’re that age. Also, a number two is LITERALLY an expression for taking a shit! So, how does this apply to media? 

Let’s take films for example...a sequel, is very rarely as good as, let alone better than, the original. “Jaws” was the original blockbuster, but repetition, a 3D gimmick, and Michael Caine vs a roaring shark, sank that franchise quicker than I can sink Jack Daniels. “The Exorcist” is a horror masterpiece, one of the greatest movies of all time... “The Exorcist II: The Heretic” however, was merely possessed by bad acting and a plot so piss poor demons prayed to make it stop. The list goes on, as there’s “The Crow”, “The Lost Boys”, “Tremors” …but that’s just film. What about music? 

The “Difficult second album” is typically a recognised phenomenon surrounding sophomore releases, that finds a band or artist either making it, or breaking it. If you’ve managed to strike gold on your debut, you better be ready to back it up, because seldom does lightning strike twice, and styles, trends and popularity wane so consistently and quickly in music, you need to be on the ball. But what if your debut album blew absolutely everything out of the water, not only for that year, but this entire CENTURY to date? We’re of course about to discuss LINKIN PARK. 

When the band dropped “Hybrid Theory” in the October of 2000, it completely re-set the bar for what an alternative rock band could accomplish, as, it went on to go 12x Platinum in the US alone and has shifted over 32 MILLION copies worldwide. Linkin Park were THE hottest band on the planet, and their angst-riddled, intense yet melodic blend of hip-hop and rap, with crunching guitars and scorching vocals, saw the band reach heights many can only dream of. They had a problem on their hands though; how in God’s name would they, or more importantly COULD they, follow this up? Well, damnit they had an answer for that! 2023 marks the 20th anniversary of that seemingly impossible second album, “Meteora” ...let's look back and see how they faired. 

We start off very annoyingly here with “Foreword”, as it’s beyond pointless as a stand-alone track. It’s a 13 SECOND intro of gently pouring rain, and light knocking until you hear glass shatter, transitioning into the next song; “Don’t Stay”. That’s it. You may as well have simply extended “Don’t Stay” by those 13 seconds and absolutely nothing would have changed, because it already blends well, and these decisions just baffle me. Conceptually there are elements in this brief sequence that could allude to say, a glass ceiling, the band breaking through barriers and boundaries to achieve what few have done in recent times, before the actual track kicks in with the slowly built riffs, until it erupts with its nu-metal gloriousness. In some ways it could be seen as a subtle dig at their label, who pushed for more of the same following their debuts success, the headache of contractual obligations, being told who to be, how to sound, while naturally it could easily be about a failed relationship. It screams of wanting to be done with something, someone, wanting to grow, to evolve on your own terms, and it’s a powerful opener. 

Next up then we have the first single to be taken from the album; “Somewhere I Belong” …and if the predecessor had four singles, then “Meteora” had to have five. “Somewhere I Belong” sonically in ways, with some of the music video presentation and structure, felt like, a semi-canonical successor, or follow-up to “In The End”, with Chester’s minimal vocal melodies complimenting Mike’s bars, before a harder hitting chorus line and well utilised heavier elements. Grittier, ample Japanese Gundam influence, following on from "Reanimation", but still very much Linkin Park, and they clearly showed consistency upon this release. Again though, at what cost? Mike spits lines like “Just stuck, hollow and alone, and the fault is my own” …were they victims of their own success, doomed to live in Groundhog Day creatively? 
Speaking of singles, few Linkin Park tracks have been as short, sharp and pummelling as “Faint”, and if any track could highlight pent-up frustration, pain and anguish as well as this, I am yet to hear it. The subtle string elements are piercing as a backdrop to Chester’s aggressive vocals and overall hard-rocking approach, while Mike delivers one his best rap-inspired performances, and it crams a lot into a relatively short track, but to maximum effect. A blistering effort, and it showcased a band truly pissed off. Just hear the venom in Chester’s delivery when he shouts, “I won’t be ignored” and “You’re gonna listen to me like it or not” …that’s a statement and it’s loud and clear; they aren’t fucking about. 

The albums 3rd single, and arguably the albums best track period, “Numb” was and IS, simply beautiful. It closes the album in a similar vein to “Pushing Me Away” three years prior, with a strong, melodic and emotional piece, without losing any momentum or presence. Iconic for the way it highlights mental health issues, self-awareness and self-confidence, as a recording it’s incredibly powerful, not only as a piece of music, but as an important awakening to many, many young teens. Teens who first heard this, that needed a voice; who needed a way to vent, who were lost in the world and felt like they didn’t belong. We look at this with a sad sense of irony, of course, as Chester is no longer with us himself, but he’s helped more people than he may have realised. 

“From The Inside” carries with it a similar message; a feeling of being hurt, being let down and learning from it; another fine example of personal and individual growth, over some blistering vocal lines from Chester, with a hefty dose more of both Brad Delson’s and Phoenix’s riffs, and again, this message is superbly hammered home in the music video. The riots and armoured police in a run-down suburb; a visual conflict for an internal struggle between right and wrong; it’s a full release emotionally and again, is quality stuff. 

​Finally, then, in terms of promotional singles (As if Linkin Park needed any additional promotion by this point), we were treated to ”Breaking The Habit", and this was worth it for the music video alone. Band DJ/programmer Joseph Hahn directed this beautifully stylised anime type video, blending Japanese animation with western steam-punk and dystopian aesthetics. A disturbing central narrative of suicide, and ultimately combating those thoughts takes precedence over the story ark, and again, we’re met with signs we only wish we understood two decades ago. There’s a soaring yet equally soothing climax to the track, and it’s an emotional journey that hits home on a multitude of levels. 
The singles proved that Linkin Park were still at the top of their game, in terms what was expected of them, but this wasn’t a band satisfied with a formula, this was a bad that wanted to push boundaries, and there were early hints of that here, on top of the already dividing hip-hop/rock amalgamation nu-metal as a whole was championing. Over the course of the record, the riffs in places hit harder, Chester pushes himself further to allow more of that vitriol to shine through his vocal delivery, and on tracks like “Nobody’s Listening”, they blend woodwind instrumentation and Native panpipes with Mike’s rapping and, the overall off-kilter presentation of the track highlights the bands desire to experiment. On album two, Linkin Park was already a band that didn’t want to settle or be pigeonholed.  

Ultimately, while it was always impossible for “Meteora” to have the same impact that “Hybrid Theory” had, I mean you can only make a first impression once, what the band did with their follow up was for all intents and purposes, perfect. While there was pressure to emulate their original success and not stray from a clearly winning formula, Linkin Park went one better by not only continuing the momentum they had, very much releasing a Linkin Park record, they allowed themselves the room to evolve, to experiment and to test the waters with subtle changes and ideas, and it would be beyond evident in future releases, just how creative Linkin Park could and would be, but, in regards to that difficult second album, “Meteora” more than delivered, more than served its purpose, and certainly silenced any critics that may have called Linkin Park a flash in the pan. The band may have wanted to do more at the time, label pressure can be intense; why fix what isn’t broken? Art doesn’t work like that. Sure, there is an established market to tap into to, but wells run dry, and from day one Linkin Park wanted to expand, to try new things and under the pressures they were to deliver, following such a successful debut, a further 17 million album sales say they knocked it out of the park. 

Moving forward, Linkin Park WOULD start experimenting further, be it stylistically or with collaborations such as with JAY-Z and STORMZY down the line, even A Capella releases, but these two albums, at the beginning of their career, cemented them as arguably the biggest band of their generation. In terms of alternative rock and metal, they were easily their generations METALLICA, or THE BEATLES, or QUEEN...they made THAT much of an impact, and we can only be grateful. The messages these tracks carry are poignant in the aftermath of Chester’s suicide, but we will never forget. A true talent, an inspiration, a kind soul and a vocal powerhouse...he was one of a kind and looking back twenty years on a release like “Meteora”, we were privileged. However, we aren’t finished. 

Being a 20th anniversary release, we are treated to some unreleased gems by the way of demo’s, rejected tracks from the cutting room floor and live snippets, and as a collection, EVERY Linkin Park fan should have these. Newly remastered posthumous single “Lost” sees Chester bring so many happy tears to the eyes of millions, with such a powerfully emotional song. “Fighting Myself” sounds like a “Papercut” or “A Place For My Head” demo, while “More The Victim” deserved to have seen the light of day way before now. 

In the end, if we can ignore the various live tracks, which let’s be honest, are just album filler regardless of the artist, we still have plenty to admire and appreciate here, and as hard as it is, they’ve actually improved on the album that was already a success in the realm of impossibility. Testament and credit to them...the way the industry is moving forward with streaming and downloads, we’re likely never to see this level of genuine commercial success again in alternative rock music, and we have to admire and respect this. Linkin Park are in a league of their own, and listening to these first two albums, I do genuinely feel somewhere I belong. [10] 
WWW.LINKINPARK.COM/METEORA20
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Blind Channel - "Lifestyles Of The Sick & Dangerous"

19/9/2022

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As I’ve stated in the past, Finland feels like, from a musical standpoint at least; an adopted home. So many of my favourite artists have come from the Wintery lake-lands of Suomi, and I love their penchant for blending the sweetest melodies with the sourest melancholy, and I just vibe it. 

This in turn, fuels a certain sense of bias, as when it comes to another love of mine; the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST...I tend to make a B-Line for Finland’s entries instead of supporting the UK, and I’m rarely disappointed. Whether we’re enjoying the over-the-top ridiculousness of LORDI, and their monstrously charismatic stage presence. The up-tempo dance-along qualities of pop-starlet SAARA AALTO, and this year, THE RASMUS hit us with another vibrant dose of light alternative emo courtesy of their new track “Jezebel”. This brings us to today’s artist; BLIND CHANNEL. 

Blind Channel represented Finland at the 2021 ESC and, it’s the first competition I’d missed in years, because I had double booked myself in Manchester for a socially distanced gig. Disgraceful behaviour I know! Their song “Dark Side”, which effortlessly blended anthemic gang vocals, subtle nu-metal throwbacks and hip-hop aesthetics finished an incredibly respectable 6th in the grand final and the lads found themselves a global audience. 2022 finds the Finns capitalising on this with their brand-new album, and having just rounded up a run of UK tour dates, let’s remind ourselves why they live the “Lifestyles Of The Sick & Dangerous” … 

The album opens up with “Opinions”, and just like arse holes, everyone’s got one, I just tend to write mine here, regardless of if you agree! I digress. It initially starts as a sort of cold, icy-synth led trap-beat with their more rap-infused vocal delivery, but they switch between more hip-hop stylistics and more aggressive flows while performing, keeping it fresh.  
The chorus is soft and melodic and overall, as an opener, it would easily appease fans of HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD. Conceptually it’s about living life to your own rhythm, without caring for what anyone else believes, or thinks, march to the beat of your own drum, and that philosophy has done them well to their credit. 

Next up we have the aforementioned ESC track “Dark Side” and, while over a year old now, those nu-metal qualities simply shine. It references the outcasts of life, of society, referencing the album title and things such as the infamous 27-club, hinting at a sense of unpredictability in life; a certain rebelliousness and defiance in the face of the norm and it’s like a rallying cry. Wonderful stuff. 

To be fair, the album contains its fair share of absolute bops despite its mere half an hour run time, so it’s nice to see the lads opting for quality over quantity. The single “Bad Idea” shows the band have a tender side to counter their hip-hop-inspired abrasiveness, with more focus on hushed vocal styles, and a softer, mellower instrumental approach, and it works really well; look at the Blindstreet Boys by here mun! “We Are No Saints” again utilises gang-vocals and light synths, but it becomes this incredibly bold, semi-metalcore banger, with some soaring hooks and some good old-fashioned chuggy riffs.  

“Don’t Fix Me” and closing track “Thank You For The Pain” utilise strong pop-punk aesthetics for a real burst of up-beat energy, especially the former, though while the latter is equally fun, with some quirky lyrical jabs, it’s let down only by its own ending. It might mean something to the lads, but, ending the album on spoken word ramblings, especially in a language you are yet to understand, it sort of takes away from the overall listening experience.  

That end segment is pretty much as bad as it gets truth be told. Sure “National Heroes” as an interlude has its place as it segues into a track, following a narrative, but it doesn’t need to be a track of its own...and “Autopsy” is arguably the weakest track on the record here, for its overall lack of life...which is fitting I suppose. Conceptually however it does fit in very well with the album's themes of integrity and self-respect, self-worth and it can’t really be knocked. 

Ultimately, what we have here, is an energetic, confident and acclaimed group of young rockers from Finland, who won the hearts and ears of millions during a mainstream televised song contest, with a rebellious attitude, a mature sense of defiance in the face of industry big-wigs, and the ability to go and actually do it. With those middle fingers up, they stand proud, and while the music itself might not be original, it’s as full of heart as it is hooks, and that goes a long way. The future is bright for Blind Channel...I just hope they don’t lose sight of what they are capable of. [8]
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/BLINDCHANNELBAND
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Grant Macdonald - "Ram Ranch"

7/8/2022

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Allow me to preface the following review, with an outpouring of regret, grief, more regret, bewilderment and, a little bit more regret, through a literary veil of self-therapy. There was absolutely zero reason, obligating me to conduct the following review, but, at the same time, there was absolutely EVERY reason that I couldn’t NOT do this review. This is the review equivalent of Hogan v Warrior at WrestleMania VI, but with more baby oil...let me set the stage. 

You know by now that, while I am perfectly capable of writing a decent, or at the very least, serious review, whether here or over on ALL ABOUT THE ROCK, I get my kicks out of the more, unusual and questionable releases available to me. I can point my finger at the likes of, KIM PETRAS, or, going back to COREY FELDMAN; I like a challenge, but this is the sort of thing that can break a man. This can Brokeback Mountain the fuck out of a man...this is “Ram Ranch” by GRANT MACDONALD, and I blame young Charlie Bryant for this 1 hour and 7 minutes of audio torture. Even the inmates at Guantanamo Bay would feel sorry for me here, but, fuck it...saddle up, we’re going in (Dry)… 

Firstly, who IS Grant Macdonald? Little is known about this alleged Canadian, other than that he might be Canadian, and his name might be Grant Macdonald...he’s like the BANKSY of homoerotic cowboy rock. The album we’re tackling today originally came out in 2012, so, aside from being a rare case of retrospective reviewing from me, we’ve had a decade to process, and at times, begrudgingly accept “Ram Ranch”. It’s been used as pro-LGBTQ+ content in protests and rallies, and over its existence it became a running meme and an ongoing source of absurdity. To this day Grant has apparently released SIX HUNDRED variants of “Ram Ranch”, which is frankly both impressive and alarming. Dude has a passion, what can I say? With that said, the only way is down, as we process this piece of... art? 

The album opens up with the title track, and, we initially have a dose of rather subdued heavy metal instrumentation, with all of the riffs, licks and kick drums. I say subdued because it’s practically background noise. On a production level, it’s like a demo in terms of audio quality, but the capability is there, that in itself is promising...but it’s the vocal content that draws attention here.  

Allow me to set the tone lyrically; “18 naked cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch, big hard throbbing cocks wanting to be sucked, 18 naked cowboys wanting to be fucked? Cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch on their knees wanting to suck cowboy cocks; Ram Ranch really rocks!”. This is the primary content of the track from start to finish, and it’s the absurdity of this that, at first, makes it mildly amusing and, quite distressing simultaneously. The worst bit? The spoken-word over metal sounds like, CHILLS, arguably THE WORST YouTube narrator in the history of the internet, got a record deal. The repetition and looping of track one IS painful, sure, but we have 11 tracks left. Even my Jack Daniel’s needs a Jack Daniel’s... 
 
Second track “Plowboy” has such a reverberated overlay of vocal samples, it becomes an absolute trippy mess from the moment it starts, with some, moog-esque synths, setting the tone for some almost 70’s porn rock sleaze. It’s the kind of thing to make your eye twitch, which one all depends on you and your tastes, I’m not here to discriminate. 

Next up we have, “Cowboys Fucking Cowboys” and, you remember when KID ROCK was like, “I wanna’ be a Cowboy baby!”? Yeah, we’re going to shatter his dreams right now. The gentle acoustics here could easily, EASILY be used for a more serious, affectionate country ballad, but there’s so much lyrical cowboy fucking here, riding butthole’s deep...it’s like...you know when ROGER ALAN WADE did “If You’re Gonna’ Be Dumb” for JACKASS, but instead of a montage of stunts, it was gay porn...that about sums it up. 
 
“Prince Harry” returns abruptly to that riff-heavy metal musicality, and it’s a wonder how the ever-loving fuck he got away with this one. I don’t know if this would be art, slander, or character assassination, but telling him to ride those big hard ram ranch cowboy cocks, bouncy, bouncy up and down, up and down, drink that cum, ram another cock up your royal bum? I don’t even know where the line is legally with this. I think of Harry now, in 2022, but this was ten years ago, ok Harry was still 28 at the time, but Christ. This is worse than that time he wore that Nazi costume to a party and made the front page. Who would have thought THAT could be topped? 

Next up, I feel personally attacked, as we have “Suck That Cock Gavin”, and, no. Firstly I’m not even joking, that’s that track name! I’m barely here to listen to the album, I’m certainly not signing up for that. I recently reviewed VR SEX and not even they were that immersive, calm the fuck down Grant! Or at least buy me dinner first!? I’ll take the salad, hold the ram ranch dressing please... 

“Big Hard Cowboy Cock” sounds like, generic mid 90’s WCW music, excluding the lyrics, obviously, Ted Turner wouldn’t tolerate that. Imagine like, the Nitro Girls were gay cheerleaders? Disco Inferno and Alex Wright would have much better careers. ” Hard Horsecock” implies that we’re entering the world of bestiality here now, and I don’t even know what I can get away with. We’ve all heard the phrase ‘hung like a horse’, but this is sung like a cunt. “12 Inch Cock” has industrialised metal elements but it’s more like, queer factory than FEAR FACTORY, while “Stable Boy” houses a more urbanised gangsta-rap / hip-hop aesthetic, but it drops more soap than it does bars. 

Ultimately, whoever Grant Macdonald is...he’s committed. Or at least he should be. Credit to him, I can barely think of the words to sum this up. Not since AC/DC has an artist produced so much content with so little substance. Sure, he’s able to mix it up musically, utilising rock and metal, country and Americana, as well as hip-hop, so he’s technically actually better than AC/DC, but lyrically and vocally, I’m assuming it’s something you have to be in-on, or, ‘get’.

Ideal for reaction videos, or making friends and family question you when they hear you play it on Spotify, but, at over an hour long, it’s not a fun album in the slightest, and once the initial shock wears off, and you’ve done the whole “Wtf?” head shake, it very quickly becomes monotonous and boring. Let’s be honest, there’s only so much hard throbbing cowboy cock you can take, y’know? No? Ok then... [0]
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Jackass: A Music Retrospective

24/4/2022

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Hello I’m Gavin Griffiths, and welcome to my blog...certain generations, have their own favoured and, primarily heartfelt, nostalgic pieces of pop-culture that, they fondly look back on, with a happy tear in their eye, and the very fondest of memories. Sure, I was born in 89’ (Age reveal right there) and remember plenty of things like the Power Rangers taking over the world, the original Pokémon taking over the world, the SPICE GIRLS phenomenon taking over the world, Pinky & The Brain WANTING to take over the world, but nothing gripped me more as a young teen and, quite truthfully, prospectless delinquent, than JACKASS. 

When it first hit screens in 2000 on MTV, I was HOOKED. Sure, it was ridiculous watching Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Steve-O et al putting themselves through what they did, and let's be quite honest here, a LOT of us did the same, ignoring those “professional warnings” (I’m not joking when I say that, I should be dead right now, not writing this), but it was that on-screen friendship, that level of banter and comradery, that had us all cringing, crying, and laughing our asses off, often simultaneously.  

While the stunts themselves are memorable, and oh boy there are so many to pick from, we often forget, or, overlook the soundtracks; the songs that remind us of that one particular time we laughed, while someone nearly died. Now in 2022, as the guys (Along with some fresh cast members) have released the franchises fourth movie instalment; “Jackass Forever”, which is out on Blu-Ray now, and with “Jackass 4.5” hitting Netflix next month, let’s look at the music that enhances the stupidity, and take a deep dive into some of the most memorable musical moments in Jackass history. 
Now, for the sake of this piece not being biblical in length, we’ll be focusing on the movies, but if there’s one song you HAVE to include, it’s “Corona” by MINUTEMEN. Sure, it may have been released back in 1984, with its own intended purposes, and meanings to the early punk-rockers, but when you hear those opening chords, you just picture that skull and crutches logo hitting the black screen, and you just KNOW you are in for a good time. The up-beat, jovial tones of the song enhance the light-hearted tomfoolery of the prank-loving cast, and as a bouncy piece of music, with it’s almost oompah-esque level of frivolity, it’s perfect for the laugh-along nature of the show. It resurrected an entire band and became an anthem for modern day idiots in one swoop. You simply HAVE to smile, when you hear this song come on, it’s an unwritten law. 

​Before we get into some specifics there are some famous stand-out, and reoccurring tracks that we have to applaud, and the first of those, has to be the “Party Boy” theme. It’s no more, than a simple piece of retro, synth-driven funky dance music, but as SOON as you hear those bass-driven keys pulse through your speakers, you just KNOW, that someone, from somewhere, is going to strip down to a shiny silver thong, and dance crotch-first into your face. Again, the very thought of Chris Pontius getting to do his favourite thing in the world; strip, to dance semi-naked for some unsuspecting victim, will never not be hilarious. I don’t care if you’re a Japanese fortune teller or Sami Zayn at WWE’s WrestleMania...you aren’t safe from Party Boy! 
We can’t NOT mention, ROGER ALAN WADE. Johnny Knoxville’s cousin and blues country icon, he probably IS mostly famous for his contribution to Jackass in wider circles, but his penchant for his heart-on-his-sleeve lyricism, was fine-tuned to perfection on this mellow masterpiece; “If You’re Gonna Be Dumb You Gotta Be Tough”. It carries with it the same light-hearted tone as the title theme, but lyrically it just fits PERFECTLY. It makes light of the absurdity and insanity, and while a relaxed acoustic piece, it only enhances the fun. It’s one of those songs that, like with the intro, simply brings a happy tear to your eye as you know EXACTLY where this comes from, what it represents. Country music is rarely considered anthemic, but in its own right this is the anthem of idiots worldwide. 

​So much so in fact, it’s become sort of, a secondary Jackass anthem, having appeared in all of the movies in some capacity. In "Jackass Number Two", we had a version by SMUT PEDDLERS, which brought a far more intense, raw, punk-rock tone to the track, which was fitting with the film. While the song went up a level, so did the cast, and so did the stunts, and it was just next level brilliance in its own right. Everyone enjoys a good number two. “Jackass 3D” saw YEAH YEAH YEAHS front-woman KAREN-O wrap her vocals around another fresh cover, which, DID return to a more country/acoustic, almost banjo vibe, as we’d come full circle, and this was almost closure for the team. There was a poignancy to the track, as it was here, that we’d thought we’d seen the last of the Jackass crew on the big screen, or any screen, and it was sweet. This is something that ties us into the next three tracks...bear with me while I get a bit weepy. 
 In terms of closure, few tracks hit home more emotionally than “Memories” by WEEZER, from “Jackass 3D”. Those closing credits ten years ago, with the old-school footage, the apropos lyrical reflection on the cast and crews' memories...despite being a genuinely fun song, it was a beautifully sad song at the very same time. We grew up with the crew, their antics, and it felt like closure, and memories were all we would have of this brilliantly insane decade. Sadly, memories would become TOO meaningful, as Ryan Dunn, one of the most beloved cast members, tragically passed away in a car accident not too long after the third film came out. While the song “Memories” brought happy tears to our eyes, Roger Alan Wade returned to really turn on the water works, with his song “The Light Outlives The Star”, and while not part of the Jackass movie continuity, from a soundtrack point of view, it HAS to be included. RIP Ryan, we miss you and we love you, you Random Hero you. 

This brings us back to “Jackass Forever”, and ten years in the making, they made sure we felt all of the feels. JOHNNY CASH played us into the trailer with “We’ll Meet Again” and we couldn’t WAIT for the latest instalment...the quaint qualities of the track brought back all of the nostalgia, the laughs, the good times, and those memories, and we knew the new film was going to go HARD. Harder than the man in black, drugged up playing a prison concert. Harder than Chris Pontius’ Godzilla penis...spoiler alert. “If You’re Gonna Be Dumb...” gets another nostalgic, acoustic cover this time courtesy of DJ PAUL and YELAWOLF but it incorporates a more modern, trap/hip-hop vibe and goes down its own lyrical route, breathing fresh life into the track a decade on. It brings together a new generation, a new cast, a new audience, and it’s quirky. 

Elsewhere, every song, has different connections to different fans, depending on their own personal Jackass preference. Very easily, we could talk about CKY and the connection with Bam, as he merged his original footage into the original series, and got his brothers band a full-on cult-like following. We all remember “69 Quite Bitter Beings” or, “Bernadette Nerr”, and of course, “Flesh Into Gear” from the first movie...and we can’t ignore “Afterworld” from “Jackass 3D”. CKY goes hand-in-hand with Jackass, but they are one of the most underrated bands on the planet. ANDREW WK can’t be left out with his party-hard anthem “We Want Fun”. Seeing the Jackass guys on Kerrang! in this music video was just amazing! 

​These are all key songs though in marketing, promotion, but what tracks stand out to our favourite stunts? While I could be here all day laughing to myself about the stupidest shit imaginable, what truly stands out? Ok the new movie has yet to sink into to our pop-culture conscious but, while these things take repeated views to really hammer home their genius, we can easily fondly remember the classics. The first movie has “Let’s Get Fucked Up” from the golf cart scenes...perfectly delivered by the SMUT PEDDLERS as Knoxville gets knocked out. SLAYER provide “Angel Of Death” for the first ever movie stunt, the “Rent-A-Car Derby”...the SAHARA HOTNIGHTS soundtrack Ryan Dunn getting the shit kicked out of him by a girl, and how can we ignore SIR MIX-A-LOT with “Baby Got Back”?
Number two got a little more cultured, including a variety of artists, ranging from rap group THREE 6 MAFIA who happily watched Dave England eat dry horse shit...to the ELVIS PRESLEY classic “A Little Less Conversation” enhancing the “Beehive Limo”...we had Scandinavian leather rockers TURBONEGRO play “The Gauntlet” via “All My Friends Are Dead”, while Chris Pontius himself delivered a track called “Karazy” which was an unofficial sequel to “Sand Vagina”.  

​TWSITED SISTER aided in the intro to “Jackass 3D” with “The Kids Are Back”, which was poignant too in the grand scheme of things, while we had blistering numbers by SASSAFRAS and a returning Roger Alan Wade with “Party In My Pants” ...before the ten-year hiatus, and ultimately, “Jackass Forever”, provided us with a fresh bunch of artists. Fans of Jackass will have their favourite cast-members, their favourite stunts and their favourite songs from the series, but collectively, we have to appreciate the thought and consideration that’s gone into these compilations. Sure, we’ve all made stunt clips, skating videos, skits, inspired by the Jackass crew, hell, I’ve been lucky enough to meet Steve-O and Bam, but we all take different memories from the stunts, the scenes, and the songs.
 We are blessed to live in a world where Jackass not only exists, but is applauded. It is escapism in the grandest form, it is relief from all of our own pain, suffering and misery, it is therapy for those less fortunate, and for that, and I will fucking name you...Jeff, Spike, Dimitry, Johnny, Bam, Steve-O, Ryan, Chris, Preston, Weeman, Rachel, Poopies, Ehren, Jasper, Zach, Eric, Dave, Raab, Rake, DiCamillo, Jess, April, Phill, Novak, Kosick, Loomis, Lance, Sean, everyone...THANKYOU. Everyone involved who ever made my own up-bringing a better place; THANKYOU...these soundtracks, as well as these films, fuelled a generation, and I, as well as many other people around the world, wouldn’t be the same without Jackass. Am I dumb? Yes. Am I tough? You bet your ass I’m tough...and I have these misfits to thank for it. We all do. Now, in the words of those Smut Peddlers...let’s get fucked up. #JackassForever. 

Remember, Jackass Forever is available RIGHT NOW on Blu-Ray, and other downloadable media type things, also the unseen footage will be included in Jackass 4.5, which will be on Netflix on May 20th. Merchandise is available online, and you can follow all of your favourite Jackass stars on social media. Warning...the stunts that you may or may not have remembered in this nostalgic commemorative write-up were performed by professionals. Neither you nor your dumb buddies should attempt any of the things that this article has fondly reminisced on your behalf, because I’m not going to court because you’re a fucking idiot. Seriously I’m hammering that point home right now I know what the internet is like. Actually, scrap that, I’m not a hypocrite, just don’t come crying to me when you’ve got a toy car up your ass, getting tossed by a bull, eating a vomlette, blindfolded, in an exploding portable toilet. If it DOES happen though, film it for fuck's sake, don’t waste good footage.  

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/JACKASS
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RuPaul - "Mamaru"

23/1/2022

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“Transvestites get...lumped into that weirdo grouping. There was a guy in the Bronx when I was in New York...he was living in a cave, like you do, and was coming out, shooting geese, a lot of weird things going on with him, and police found he had a collection of women's shoes. They said ‘He’s a transvestite’...but he’s a WEIRDO transvestite. I’m much more of an EXECUTIVE transvestite...” - EDDIE IZZARD, live from AL-CA-TRAAAAAAAZZZZ during “Dressed To Kill”, 1999. 

Going back well over twenty years, Eddie Izzard, as a highly regarded stand-up comedian, was at the forefront of pushing boundaries, with his eccentric and often provocative cross-dressing persona, but even so, back then, he was able to use that to laugh at both himself and the topic itself, as it was still a subject or, an idea reduced to cheap laughs, or frowned upon by certain non-liberals.  

Nowadays, in 2022, while the world still has its detractors, the idea of simply cross-dressing, is far, far more commonplace and accepted in a far more woke generation. While some people argue certain agendas, push their own sense of toxic masculinity, misunderstanding, prejudice and display close-minded tendencies, LGTBQ+ culture is flourishing, wherever you find yourself along the rainbow. If anything reinforces this, it’s the booming popularity of RUPAUL.  

The drag race phenomenon has grown, and grown, and grown Stateside, in that same time-frame. Bigger, brighter, bolder on mainstream streaming networks, and culturally in society...but what I DIDN’T know...was that RuPaul released music. The question is, am I afraid to absolutely slate this music, purely FOR the music that it is, knowing that certain people are going think that I’m criticizing the community, NOT the music? Am I fuck...this is “Mamaru”...pass the Jack Daniels... 

The album opens up with “Just What They Want”, and when I say this is arguably as good as this gets, don’t take that as a positive. This is in fact not what I want at all. I know RuPaul is a coloured 61-year-old gentleman, but I have to make that white-rapper analogy. EMINEM joked about white boys thinking they could rap, following his popularity (He earned that through legitimate eloquent skill may I add), but most of us sound clueless, off-beat, and cringeworthy with our rhymes and flows...this sound’s nearly as bad as your local council estate rap wannabe. Cool fam’ you wear Nike Air’s off of the back of a lorry and your mum shops at a food bank? Sit down you clown. Get the idea? There are subtle BRITNEY SPEARS nods to “Work Bitch” but this is SO early 90’s it’s unreal...the general dance-inspired R’n’B beats give this sleazy strip club vibes, or at BEST Kooler’s nights in Merthyr Tydfil. Wipe your feet on the way out like... 

We’ve got a collab then courtesy of SKELTAL KI on the track “Catwalk” and this is frankly less offensive to your sense of hearing. The whole thing has been slowed down in tone and tempo, allowing for a more sultry, semi-soulful piece of slow-jam R’n’B, while the autotune-rich rich vocals accompany the synth-heavy instrumentation, and it’s far, far smoother in production. There is a reprise of this track further down the playlist but, like an actual cat, my interest is long-gone by this point, got more important things to do like, nap, and judge everything around me.  

Speaking of judging things, we have the track “Smile”...and oh god...this is more grimace than anything else. Ironically the message here is one incredibly positive one, “Fix your face, fix your life you can start with a smile”...small steps to a more, happier, wholesome existence...clearly, they haven’t heard this song. The electronic pop is intertwined with hip-hop beats and the autotune by this point is sickly...it’s like, fucking SEGA produced the track truth be told...Chronic the Hedgehog if you will. This then, is something the album wrestles with over Its 10-track run time. 

The whole thing from a production standpoint, is boisterous, loud and brash. While there are genres that CAN get away with it, such as say, aggressive punk, for example, where it’s meant to be challenging, make you think, make you question...this is just an absolute clusterfuck. The layering and instrumentation is headache-inducing, and over the course of its half an hour run-time, despite whatever positive messages or, inspirational content Ru is channelling through this creative outlet, however much of an icon he is to a demographic, or target audience, musically, on make-up smothered face-value, this is messier than a bin-full of post catwalk wet-wipes. Forget drag Queen...this album was dragged through a hedge backwards. [2] 
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/RUPAUL
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Limp Bizkit - "Still Sucks"

7/11/2021

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We need to address the elephant in the room...and ironically that just so happens to be “Stampede Of The Disco Elephants”. This was, for the longest time, reportedly the working title for LIMP BIZKIT’s follow up to 2011’s “Gold Cobra”, but over the course of the past decade, suggesting that it’s been in production purgatory would be a massive understatement. 

The nu-metal veterans left their long-time label Interscope around this time, to eventually join Cash Money Records; and the initial stand-alone single “Ready To Go” with LIL WAYNE was hugely encouraging, but despite a few sparse, random releases, the band seemingly lost all sense of direction and momentum and for all intents and purposes, they disappeared.  

Now we find ourselves in 2021, and oh how the times have changed. While they were once world beaters, chart topping titans of the alternative music scene...they became a joke in the eyes of the metal community. A musical meme if you will, and at best they turned into a guilty pleasure. Lost in the youthful, angst-ridden memories of days gone by, we thought we’d seen the last of the Bizkit. Oh, how we were wrong. On October 31st, Halloween of all occasions, they dropped the long-awaited album, under the new title of “Still Sucks”. With the time of year, we have to ask ourselves, will this be a trick, or a treat, and more importantly, did they ever truly suck to begin with? Let’s find out... 

The album opens up with “Out Of Style” and a surprisingly philosophical intro, as Fred Durst’s first words are “We cannot change the past, but we CAN start today, to make a better tomorrow”, which sounds like he’s ready to sweep everything under the carpet. Wes Borland’s guitars here sound really dirty and disjointed, and it’s clear the suggestion of the track here is, all this time later, the band still sound unlike any other band on the planet; they're never IN style.  

Their unique approach to rock, metal and rap creatively was what sold them millions of records in the first place, and with nobody else doing it as well as Bizkit, then OR since, they were as out of style when they exploded then, as they are now all these years later, and they stand out all the more for it. It may double as a dig at the nu-metal genre as a whole, and the lack of respect it generally gets from the average metal fan, with pleading lines like “We should be on the same team, on the motherfucking same team, if we aint’ then we nothing”, it highlights the toxicity in the metal community. 

We have to talk about “Dad Vibes” ...this was the track that got everyone talking about Limp Bizkit again recently, as the band dropped it during a live show out of the blue, giving people the first hint at new music for a long time. Technically the albums lead single if you will, it’s underwhelming with its basic hip-hop aesthetic, with cymbal-rich percussion and only light guitar aspects, and to be honest more attention was paid to Fred Dursts appearance. Yes, it's all tongue in cheek as, now in his 50’s, Durst dressed up as uncool as possible to rap on stage, embracing how supposedly silly or cringeworthy people may think Bizkit are today, with the track acting like one giant metaphorical middle finger. 

These vibes as such are a general theme for this record as a whole, which at this point revels in its sense of self-depreciating irony. “Barnacle” is an incredibly catchy piece of grunge-heavy hard rock potentially aimed at bandwagon jumpers and those who hate on the band purely because it’s cool, you’re all barnacles, clinging on to whatever might be relevant. “Don’t Change” then harks back to their cover of “Behind Blue Eyes” with another wonderfully soft acoustic piece. The style really works for them as this proves yet again, and the mellow, gentler sound here is genuinely lovely. “Love The Hate” directly targets the naysayers with an incredibly self-aware cringe-riddled piece of back-and-forth rap. The whole track is cosplaying as the same fans who hate on the band, and with more than a mountain of irony they put themselves down while reminding you how little they care for your opinion. Absolute zero fucks given, the true Limp Bizkit way. 

In summation, that’s probably the best way to approach this album. Yes, it’s been a long time, and yes, we all know that Limp Bizkit can drop some absolute bangers, but if that’s what you’re going into this album looking for, then you’re going to be disappointed. I truly believe, the level of self-awareness that pebbledashes this album from start to finish is beyond intentional...as much as people slate the band, as irrelevant as people suggest the band are now, in less than a week the album has racked up millions of listens and streams having had zero promotion due to the fact, nobody fucking knew it was coming out. The interest and excitement was organic, and proved without a doubt, there will always be place in the world for Limp Bizkit. Will they follow this up with a more crafted, polished, serious album? Who knows, but let’s get one thing straight...Limp Bizkit have never sucked, and that is the unquestionable truth...which...wait that actually sucked. Damnit. [5]
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/LIMPBIZKIT
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Various Artists - "The Metallica Blacklist"

14/9/2021

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Image Courtesy Of Rolling Stone
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Iconic...legendary...these are words quite often thrown around haphazardly nowadays. Like, you're at the bar and your mate goes for a round and comes back with a cheeky packet of pork scratchings, so you call him a legend. No, he’s not a legend, he’s a bell-end he could have grabbed two packs the selfish twat. I digress. When it comes to something like music, or art in general, it takes something special to garner such praise, truly, and today’s review is a real reflection of that. Today we’re going to be talking about METALLICA. 

Now, love them or hate them for whatever reasons y’all elitist metal heads have (Personally bar a couple of tracks, I’m not a massive fan of Metallica, or their style of metal in general but that’s just me) you can’t deny the impact they’ve had on heavy music since day one. Their early discography helped lay the foundations for the evolution of metal into thrash and beyond, churning out some of the most important releases of the whole genre...until in 1991, when they released arguably THE most important; “The Black Album”. 

Many OG fans felt like it was a bit of a departure from their raw origins, incorporating softer melodies and more clean vocals (James Hetfield has gone on record to say on this album he finally became a singer) and that while still Metallica, and as strong of an album it technically was, they had sold out. Sounds absurd right? “The Black Album”, already following “...And Justice For All” simply cemented them as THE biggest metal band on the planet, and in terms of the history of metal, it’s one of the foremost standard bearers. In 2021...that still holds true. 

Thirty years after its release, it’s still talked about and revered for its influence and importance, and to celebrate the albums anniversary, Metallica have decided to cherry pick a plethora of artists from all walks of life, to highlight just how influential the album has been. The artists got to pick a song of their choosing from “The Black Album” and record a cover, for what is now known, as “The Blacklist”. SIXTY-SIX versions of the songs you all know and love...in one compilation. Let’s dive into this, black hole if you will, and highlight some the more, diverse recordings on offer. 
Luckily for us, the tracks aren’t all thrown together mish mash like the running order was decided by a washing machine spin-cycle, they are categorised by specific tracks, and to start us off, we have 7 renditions of “Enter Sandman”. Let’s be honest as far as heavy metal anthems go, this is up there in the top tier; a rock club floor filler guaranteed for beer fuelled singalongs...so what do we get here? ALESSIA CARA is first up and the “Scars To Your Beautiful” songstress wraps her husky, soulful pop vocals around the track, accompanied by THE WARNING. As a performer she brings a fresh take on the vocals and this is SLICK; a very strong start here. As the track progresses, we get the heavier instrumental factors and it becomes something say, FLORENCE & THE MACHINE would drop on an EP... actually that sounds fantastic somebody make that happen.  

Sticking with “Enter Sandman” we get some interesting variations...we get WEEZER dropping a version that wouldn’t be out of place on their own “The Teal Album” compilation...a pretty straightforward cover, bar a couple of guitar tweaks and a subtle nod to “Buddy Holly”. It’s fine. RINA SAWAYAMA then takes things up a notch with a surging, riff-heavy almost techno-inspired piece of production with bold, assertive vocals, becoming possibly one of the tracks better covers ever. Occultist theatrical rockers GHOST then drop arguably the most creative cover, as they ditch the iconic intro, and delve straight into a piano-led lyrical opening. They have their distinct style, and the holy-tones soon shift into gear as the guitars erupt, and it’s an interesting take on the classic. 

Next up we have “Sad But True” and I have to say, the best version here by far comes courtesy of country artist JASON ISBELL & THE 400 UNIT. The country/rockabilly twist with the twangy guitars gives the Alabama-born artist a unique take on the track and it really works. South Korean outfit YB offer a more up-tempo rock recording, which, while fine audibly, highlights the global reach Metallica have. 
“Holier Than Thou” takes up the third portion of the album and this kicks off with BIFFY CLYRO and to be fair, they produce quite a quirky, synth-based recording but the novelty sadly wears off as boy does this rendition drag out...you took over five minutes to do a track less than four minutes long. Absolutely no need lads. Spoiled it for yourselves. THE CHATS and OFF! Both drop simultaneous punk-rock covers which, while decent in their own right are put too closely together and it depreciates both their values. COREY TAYLOR then showcases why he is one of the most prominent voices in modern metal as he tears through his own hard rocking rendition; quite raw but with it’s own throw-back, thrash-metal vibe going on. 

Back to more ballad-based territory we find ourselves at “The Unforgiven” and CAGE THE ELEPHANT kick us off with an incredibly stripped back, indie/acoustic cover and the hushed, smoky vocals allow for an even more intimate listening experience, which suit the song quite well really. DIET CIG keep the indie aesthetic going but the New York duo bring a brasher recording to the table and it works just as well. Some of the compilations better covers come here however, as we depart far from what you would perceive Metallica to be, courtesy of FLATBUSH ZOMBIES Feat. DJ SCRATCH. We get a proper old-school hip-hop beat laid in front of us with some classic flows layered around the soft melodic vocal chorus from James Hetfield. This works surprisingly well as a mash up to be fair, it’s impressive. This can also be said for HA*ASH, as the Louisiana-based duo deliver a wonderfully relaxed harmonic clean vocal cover with acoustic, Latin-pop aesthetics giving the track some extra flavour.  
It’s safe to assume that, the most popular tracks will get the most covers as they are going to get the most attention, and as good as the aforementioned have been, if you think of “The Black Album”...you think of “Nothing Else Matters”. The ballad that sent Metallica into the mainstream stratosphere, here, gets a whopping 13 renditions...it’s essentially an album worth of tracks within itself! There’s a LOT to get through here so we’ll focus on some highlights...and we have to start with the one that got all of the attention...starring MILEY CYRUS with ELTON JOHN on piano. Originally scoffed at for her “Wrecking Ball” era output, she’s come on leaps and bounds as a vocal performer, having worked alongside everyone from DOLLY PARTON to BILLY IDOL, and credit to her here, she wraps her smoky voice around this superbly. It’s big, it’s bold, it’s confident, it’s passionate and it WORKS. Forget jumping on bandwagons and all that gubbins, you need to appreciate Miley here as a performer, this is a respect earner for even the die-hards.  

On the other end of the scale then, we get a cover I was myself personally looking forward to, courtesy of DEPECHE MODE vocalist DAVE GAHAN. His sombre rendition is practically haunting as he croons his way through the track, taking it to whole new levels of emotional torment, yet while undeniably sad, its equally undeniably beautiful; I love this. On a side note, it’s rare I highlight instrumentals but, German pianist IGOR LEVIT offers up a sincerely sweet solo piano rendition which could quite easily pass for a lullaby. 
The rest of the compilation consists then of, non-single tracks and while not necessarily less-popular, they are lesser known to mainstream audiences...deeper cuts if you will. These, naturally get sparse recognition in comparison, but they aren’t without their talking points. French vocalist IZIA does well with “My Friend Of Misery”, offering a fuzzy, up-beat electronic-tinged rock offering, despite the slightly awkward chorus transition. IMELDA MAY drops by for a quick cover of “The God That Failed” that has quite a deep, bluesy swagger, while TOMI OWO wraps her soft, husky vocals around a delicate version of “Through The Never”. It’s still got guitar presence but it’s got more of an R’n’B flavour. 

Naturally...there are over sixty tracks here, you must be thinking, surely there has to be some absolute crap littered throughout the compilation? I have to say, you would be absolutely correct. JUANES idea of “Enter Sandman” is like, he is first trying to learn THAT riff for the first ever time...it is SO jerky and dissected it detracts from the feeling of the song entirely. ROYAL BLOOD’s cover of “Sad But True” is no more than a straight-up cover with little additional character, which results in a pretty boring listen quite frankly. CHASE & STATUS with BACKROAD GEE drop this god-awful mumble-rap, grime-inspired take on “Wherever I May Roam”...I suggest you roam as far away from this as physically possible, and then defy physics and roam further. This is abysmal. Sadly, another disappointment comes courtesy of THE HU. The Mongolian throat-metal traditionalists deliver a cover of “Through The Never” in, I GUESS their native language, with some native instrumentation. It gives the track some interesting character with fresh sounds, but you lose all of the sing-along qualities here. This might be nit-picking but, it’s lacking in it’s own ways. 

Overall, over the course of this, playlist essentially, there is a noticeably distinct lack of rock and metal, and really that’s probably by design. The artists that have contributed that have kept to these genres, haven’t really brought anything new to the table and those covers in question have been really quite run of the mill...it’s the diversity of artists that Metallica were looking to showcase and they have undeniably delivered on that front. A lot of these vocalists have injected fresh ideas into thirty-year-old classics by utilising their own inspirations, backgrounds, ideas and flavours, creating a genuinely creative cocktail menu with just twelve original songs to work with. Metallica fans might not appreciate this 100%, most still living in their tight stonewashed jeans, patch-laden battle jackets and downing warm cases of beer...a bit like GNAR KILL fans I guess, (James Hetfield is Hell Boy confirmed) but for anyone curious about the legacy of this album, and have nearly six hours to kill, it’s worth a listen...I guess? [7] 
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Unlucky Dip (19/05/2020)

19/5/2020

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I get A LOT of emails, not as many as big publications obviously, but for me, I get a lot, and I literally can’t keep up with them all. This means I either take virtually forever getting around to some reviews, resulting in the peak promotion period usually having been and gone, for that I do apologise. Sometimes I forget about submissions entirely, for which I also apologise, and a lot of the time, I’m sent singles. Now, this blog has been running since 2014 and 99% of the content here, bar the odd rare article, is comprised of EP and album reviews. I’ve nothing against the humble single, I miss the days of picking up CD singles in Woolworths wondering what B-Sides you’d be treated to…but writing a full review for just A single is something I’ve always personally deemed a bit of a ball ache.

Going forward, I am going to try to, once a week (The key word being try here, I’m making no promises) present a general collection of single submissions from my inbox in one article, to try and ensure I don’t miss out on potential gems, and more importantly, to also clear some space in my inbox (At this time of writing I have around 650 unread emails…LOL). With that in mind, here are seven randomly selected tracks that I have been sent, that I would like to share with you, in the first GTGC Unlucky Dip; the result of combining Speed Dating with the heartfelt Comedy Roast.

Heavyman - "Baby Jean"

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We're going to kick this feature off with a 4-piece from London by the name of HEAVYMAN. Comprising of vocalist/guitarist Charlie Yang, drummer Tom Papaloizou (I'm pretty sure he was in "The League Of Gentlemen"?) bassist Igor Fonseca and lead guitarist Nick Burns, they recently got in touch, stating that were fans of the blog and were themselves fueled by alcohol and sarcasm, asking me to check out their debut single "Baby Jean". How could I possible refuse?

Initially sounding like something you'd hear from early TURBONEGRO, it soon transitions into a more methodical, groove-rich slow jam of a southern blues rock effort. It covers all the bases with some slick guitar work and vocal swagger for some textbook classic blues rock. With more tracks scheduled to be released over the coming months, these are ones to watch.

Rory K - "Heat Thru Your Body"

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"Now this is a story all about how my life got, at most, mildly inconvenienced, but I'd like to take a minute just to share this my friend, and talk about this new single by The Fresh Prince Of Bellend".

You know all the meme's with "Now listen here you little shit..."? Well that's essentially me right now with RORY K. A native of downtown Manhattan, New York, Rory was born into a musical family, with his dad having been in the late 80's socio-political rock group BLACK 47. So imagine his dad's disappointment to see Rory here peddling some of the most uninspired, cringe-worthy rap/hip-hop an eleventeen-year-old would perform, on the track "Heat Thru Your Body"...I bet he finds vanilla spicy.

From the intro that sounds like seagulls having a stroke, to the combination of abysmal lyrics and self-indulgent vocals...and the embarrassing video, it's just...no. The bit where Rory is, (I'll use this term loosely) "performing" in front of some street graffiti, why are you holding a mic? You look like an absolute tit mate. And you emailed me three times for this? Assuming I hadn't replied because I couldn't stop dancing to the track? I would sooner invite my enemies to dance upon my grave than dance to this myself. And it's through*...for the record. I'm beginning to regret this new feature already...

Deejay Centipede - "Twerk It Out"

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I honestly don't know why I get sent this stuff...I'm not against rap and however many hip-hop subcultures there actually are, but it is SO rare I find any that I genuinely like. I can appreciate a flow, or a beat, sure, but there is too much recycled rap out there full of cliches about money, bitches, drugs and ho's and quite frankly I don't care about any of it.

"Twerk It Out" is the new track from Cleveland Ohio based hio-hop veteran DEEJAY CENTIPEDE, who has been spinning records since the 80's, and it features Sonny Vajra and Tee Hova...which...means absolutely nothing to me. It's got a certain 90's vibe going on which I guess you could describe as "fresh", with some soft synths poorly underlying some genuinely irritating clapping percussion. A lot of autotune going on in the vocals, and I can't lie, outside of this blog, I wouldn't listen to this...I'd rather be in the middle of a Human Centipede truth be told, but that's just me. As of now I'm outlawing Twerking on GTGC. 

Mother's Cake - "Toxic Brother"

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Austrian psychedelic rock trio MOTHER'S CAKE (Consisting of lead vocalist/guitarist Yves Krismer, bassist Benedikt Trenkwalder and drummer/backing vocalist Jan Haussels) are set to release their new album sometime in the Autumn of 2020, and tease interesting things to come with their latest single "Toxic Brother".

The onslaught of fuzzy guitars and echoed vocals, delivered among a frenetic, up-tempo barrage of stoner sludge-punk is as fun as it is exciting; the energy is real here and it'll easily appeal to fans of say, EXIT_INTERNATIONAL. The gradual fade-out of the track counters the increasing levels of insanity as you can hear the mental breakdown as it happens...this is a solid track.

Smiling Assassin - "National Pride"

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Returning to the UK now and more specifically; Hull, and we have a four-piece hardcore punk outfit by the name of SMILING ASSASSIN. Consisting of vocalist George Garnett, drummer Robbie Johnson, guitarist Josh Rogerson and bassist Casey Stead, they were forwarded to me by the wonderful folk over at Rage PR.

The new socio-political single "National Pride" is taken off the forthcoming album "Plight Of The Millennial" which is penciled for release on May 31st, and it combines all the vitriolic aggression of hardcore punk with the instrumental impatience of trash metal, easily taking influence from the likes of THE EXPLOITED or MUNICIPAL WASTE. It's an intense listen and suggests that the new album is going to be an absolute scorcher.

Hayden Brenen - "Mi Carino (feat. L.D.N.)"

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Now I'll start off by saying this...on initial listen, it's not as annoying as "Despacito"...but I'm not ruling it out overtime. It's another one of this Latino-inspired R'n'B/rap offerings that's meant to sound all smooth and sexy in the club, but I'd rather just sit in the corner with a warm bottle of Bacardi squeezing fresh lime directly into my eyeballs. 

L.D.N's contribution is fine and his rapping isn't bad, probably the most enjoyable aspect of this track in all fairness, but that doesn't really say much. Also, Mi Carino means My Sweety...creepy much. Your Nan singing this is she mate? Bomboclaat don't say shit like sweety fam ya get me? Real talk blud. I just lost the plot, literally watched it run off...

Calling All Astronauts - "Welcome To The Black Bloc"

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We round off this selection of tracks by coming full circle back to London, to find CALLING ALL ASTRONAUTS an their newest single "Welcome To The Black Bloc". The trio (Consisting of vocalist/programmer David B, guitarist JJ and bassist Paul "Buzzsaw McCrudden) mix elements of punk rock attitude and an electronic, almost light industrial tone for their sound, bridging the likes of PITCHSHIFTER, MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE and MINISTRY for a no-nonsense blast of socio-political neo-dystopian noise.

The single is officially released on May 29th, with the new album, entitled "#Resist" dropping shortly after on June 5th, via Supersonic Media which I'm sure is going to an incredibly charged listen.
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Eurovision 2020: Nil Pois

18/5/2020

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Some of you may be thinking, Gav…how many reviews can you shoehorn references to Covid-19 into? Well…my friend, as it happens, as many as I want. You see while a lot of you are crying over 2020 festival season being buggered into next year, I’ve got my own agenda. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy festival experiences, but I am instead honestly quite reclusive, so one of the things I personally look forward to every year is the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST.

Long-time readers will know I usually cover the show in some way shape or form, be it a run-down of finalists, covering past winner’s releases, or even just live-Tweeting the event…this year, I can’t enjoy this. This year I couldn’t look forward to sitting in front of my TV on the rare occasion I do, to watch Graham Norton sarcastically bury a plethora of countries. This year I couldn’t respectfully raise a glass of Bailey’s to Sir Terry Wogan during song 9, (Who am I kidding it’s a bottle of Jack). This year I couldn’t even get annoyed by the very political voting system I expect each and every fucking year as if it’s some shocking conspiracy. Covid-19 brought an end to all of that…and for that…I despise you, even though you’ve given me two months off work paid. 1st world problems, yes, but still. Alas…what I CAN do at least is channel my inner Jim Bowen, and have a look at who could have won, as Eurovision still at least released the 41-track CD of each countries entry. With that said…Good Evening Rotterdam! Open up, and let’s shine a light on the performers to see who gets 12 points….

​I’m going to preface this by stating that no I am NOT going to be analysing every one of the 41 entries as frankly I don’t even think lockdown is long enough for me to do that, but I will mull over my personal highlights, and as usual, the Eurovision double-album does things alphabetically, so we start with Albania. Their entry is “Fall From The Sky”, performed by ARILENA ARA and it’s one of two primary Eurovision tropes…heartfelt ballad, or fucking bonkers. This one falls into ballad category and as an opening track it’s a fairly safe one. The light piano allowing Arilena’s emotive, powerful vocals to really shine and there’s a dramatic intensity to this performance; a wonderful start. If you enjoyed that ballad however, hold on to that thought because you’re going to get sick of them over the next say, I don’t know… album? 
Armenia’s entry “Chains On You” by ATHENA MANOUKAIN tries to modernise things with some middle-eastern inspired trap and mumble rap…as far as the genre goes it’s fine, it’s the kind of thing you’d find Charlie Sloth spinning, but it’s not for me. Australia are still participating even though their initial anniversary guest spot was a few years ago now, and their entry “Don’t Break Me”, performed by MONTAIGNE is…another pop ballad. Granted the modern production and bold yet husky vocals find her somewhere between say, DUA LIPA and SIA in some ways, and it’s not bad. Onion Bhaji are up next…sorry, no, Azerbaijan are up next with “Cleopatra” performed by EFENDI and we get more middle-eastern / Egyptian musical influence, before leading into more Western pop stylistics…up until the part where they start summoning demons and shit…honestly that’s what it sounds like. Seriously, I thought my desk was going to start floating or my eyeballs were going to bleed!

Let’s see what else we have here…Belgium’s entry “Release Me” by HOOVERPHONIC in its own ways sounds like a BTEC version of BILLIE EILISH doing a Bond Theme…that’s the best and only way of describing that, you’re going to have to get way off of my back about that one. Skipping ahead now but keeping a colour scheme it’s Germany who have the next real highlight with the track “Violent Thing” by BEN DOLIC. Sadly the track is about as violent as two kittens having a pillow fight…I was expecting this year’s rock entry or something but we get another up-tempo pop offering. It’s got some brass elements and a bit of funk, and an impressive high note, resulting in quite a catchy little track, but it’s not what I was hoping for. Speaking of getting my hopes up, I ALWAYS look for Finland’s entry since LORDI won it in 2006, and this year, their entry “Looking Back” by AKSEL was…meh. It’s a pleasant indie-pop piece with ample melody, nothing like Lordi, or even SAARA AALTO from 2018; disappointing this one I’m afraid, you let me down Finland.
Next up, we have the United Kingdom…and as a Welshman, you might think I’m going to be biased here, that I’m going to sing praises to our entry as if they’re God’s gift to mainstream music…well I can assure you, that you are wrong. JAMES NEWMAN is our entry for this year with the track “My Last Breath” and I would sooner give up my last breath than have this song win the competition, despite it making things logistically easier for me to attend in 2021. Another copy and paste type of emotional male-led pop song akin to anyone from JAMES ARTHUR or SAM SMITH or any generic bollocks like that…it’s just so bloody boring! Georgia on the other hand, do somewhat peak my interest…”Take Me As I Am” by TORNIKE KIPIANI is, admittedly, lyrically fucking awful, let me make that clear, but the deep, electronic tinged moody indie tones easily mirror the styles and sounds of say, IMAGINE DRAGONS or AWOLATION etc, and this is arguably as dark as things get this year.

Skipping eagerly ahead now as we’re still only about half way here, we get Ireland and honestly…this would have been a contender for the competitions winner to break their own record, securing eight competition victories. “Story Of My Life” by LESLEY ROY gives off some serious KATY PERRY vibes…it’s a bouncy, light-hearted absolute banger of a pop anthem. Sure there’s repetition, a little instrumental monotony and some childish qualities but this is the kind of track you’d understand being all over commercial radio this Summer time…never mind the political voting, Covid-19 potentially robbed Ireland of this year’s win! Do they have any contenders however? Why in fact yes they do, and there is some STRONG competition from Iceland, and who some may say are favourites to win; DAðI FREYR with the song “Think About Things”. A synth-rich, full on disco-funk driven indie track…it is so simple in execution with the most basic of hooks, so much groove in so little effort, this is superb.
Jumping forward then we have THE ROOP with their entry “On Fire” for Lithuania…and it’s another basic pop track with pulsing electronic elements, dance-pop qualities with all of the synth laden hooks, it’s not as good as past winners such as MÅNS ZELMERLÖW for example but it’s along the same vein and personally I enjoy this, it’s arguably my favourite, despite some questionable vocals in places…and the video is as stated above; fucking bonkers. The rest of the album sadly doesn’t really throw up many particular highlights or memorable tracks, other than “Uno” by LITTLE BIG representing Russia. The “Skibidi” outfit had my attention going into the competition don’t get me wrong, but they’ve done better. Granted they’ve likely been heavily censored but still! SKIBIDI WA-PA-POW! The video does make me laugh mind…it’s all in the knees fam.

Romania come in with the track “Alcohol You” and I thought I was being offered a pint in broken English to be honest, so imagine my disappointment when ROXEN starts warbling her moody, sultry vocals…a slow, albeit grandiose track , though KORPIKLAANI drink better to be fair. Serbia rock up then with “Hasta La Vista” and the name alone has me hooked…have HURRICANE been sent from the future by Sky Net to secure Eurovision victory? In short…no…imagine someone installed LimeWire on the T-800 and the sheer amount of internet aids rendered it out of order. I’ll be very surprised if you’ll be back. Eventually then, and finally, we find ourselves at Ukraine, listening to “Solovey” by GO_A, and luckily, we conclude the album on an unorthodox yet enjoyable note. The traditional native tones of the vocal performance and woodwind elements coupled with a solid dance-pop aesthetic allow for a genuinely soothing and fun listen…I mean I haven’t got a fucking clue what they are saying but I like it!

After all of that, it really is heart-breaking to know that, given Eurovision’s six-decade legacy and tradition, none of the above entries will be able to represent their respective nations and try to put themselves in the history books. Granted some of these songs work better as a stage performance with character and gimmicks as opposed to straight up audio content, but that doesn’t detract what would have been an entertaining evening of live entertainment and multicultural acceptance of diversity. I know I rant and roast but I honestly enjoy the Eurovision Song Contest…I look forward to it every year, and hopefully it comes back all guns blazing in 2021. Where…who knows…no country has ever done two in a row from winning, so will Holland get to host again on a technicality? We can only wait and see…until then, Europe, you’re a beautiful bunch of bastards, for the record, I didn’t vote for Brexit I voted remain…and as far as Covid-19 goes…nil pois.
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Bring Me The Horizon - "amo"

7/2/2019

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Metal fans are a fickle lot aren’t they really, let’s be honest…I mean go on social media and browse through the comment sections of any established music outlet. Pick an article, any article, and I can guaran-damn-tee you’ll stumble across any number of elitists proclaiming [Insert Band Here] are not metal enough or, they aren’t metal at all, or they sold out. Some of the memes can be funny don’t get me wrong, but for a collective of supposedly like-minded people, putting specific genre’s to one side for a moment, rock and metal fans can be some of the most narrow-minded and often childish music fans in the world…and this brings us, to BRING ME THE HORIZON.

Formed in Sheffield back in 2004, Oli Sykes and the lads have been raising more eyebrows than The Rock since their debut “Count Your Blessings”…their early energetic deathcore assault was ambitious, and their youthful vitriol and intensity was applauded, but the recklessness and inexperience that came with it drew criticism. Over the years that have followed however, BMTH have gradually toned down their initial brutality, becoming a household name in UK metal in the process, and also one of the fastest rising bands in recent times…but there’s only so far you can really get in metalcore; so in 2015 the band decided to split opinions even further. “That’s The Spirit” was a total departure from their original sound as they’d now started incorporating more electronica and pop production…alienating some fans and metal purists, but finding themselves riding high in the UK charts. Some people don’t like change, but the band are now bigger than ever as they continue down this path, releasing their latest album “amo”…the Marmite of the UK metal scene, or under-appreciated genius? Let’s find out…

The album opens up with an appropriate forewarning entitled “I Apologise If You Feel Something”, and while already a well-executed anti-ballad, it also doubles down as an ironic jab at their critics. A case of sorry / not sorry as they continue to explore new sounds and arrangements, moving further away from their heavy roots, emphasised by the soft, echoing synths and hushed vocals; a cleverly confrontational start. This though is followed up by lead single “Mantra” and the lads are back on anthemic form. Keeping in line with the previous albums sound, the vocals are clean, there’s all of the groove and an incredible hook through the chorus. Despite the heaviness of the lead riff and the pounding percussion at times this is polished with a rich pop production quality and it sounds HUGE.

It’s this type of production that upset so many metal fans last time around, and unluckily for you things haven’t changed a bit this time round either…”Medicine” is oozing the influence that LINKIN PARK had Oli growing up as it blends rock and electronica with a subtle R’n’B vibe, it’s easy to imagine Mike Shinoda guesting on this one. “Sugar Honey Ice & Tea” returns to a more guitar driven core sound but retains the accessibility of the bands recent musical direction, and though while ironically “Heavy Metal” again has some surging guitars it’s far from abrasive.

The majority of this record is comprised of a band happy to experiment and explore; with the album unafraid to shake things up stylistically. With the sweeping, elegant string sections of closing track “I Don’t Know What To Say”…the trance / hard house qualities of “Nihilist Blues” bringing out your inner raver, and the dark, low-fi grime influenced street ballad that is “Why You Gotta Kick Me When I’m Down?” all take the band on different musical directions and it makes for a roller coaster of a listen. Even though on face value BMTH have stayed on this, mainstream path, the evolution is still there for all to see…they have no shame in trying new things, toying with new styles and crossovers and frankly that’s how it SHOULD be. Too often we’re hypocritical of the current scene we’re meant to uphold…band does the same thing over and over? Boring, stagnant, dull…band changes up their sound as they grow as artists? BOOOO traitor! You sold out! You’re meant to be a rock band! Bring Me The Horizon in their current guise might not be for everyone, I totally get that, but what’s wrong AT ALL in one of our own going out there and fucking owning it? Nothing, that’s what…well done lads, shots have been fired. [7]
WWW.BMTHOFFICIAL.COM
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Horizons / Gorwelion: Rockfield Sessions

15/1/2019

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Back in 2015, HORIZONS got in touch with me to cover a live show in the Redhouse, Merthyr Tydfil, covering a variety of up-and-coming Welsh artists, including THE PEOPLE THE POET, HOUDINI DAX and GABRIELLE MURPHY (Check out my review here). That's what Horizons do, and do damn well if I'm honest; they champion blossoming undiscovered Welsh talents, and together with the BBC and special showcase promotions, they've continued to do over the past couple of years. If ever there's been a more fitting name for a project it would be Horizons, as just like the Sun rising on a new day, so too do fresh-faced artists get the opportunity to shine.

​2018 Saw Horizons take a new batch of bands and artists under their wing, and along with BBC Wales, together they worked on something special, and it involved the iconic ROCKFIELD STUDIOS. The studio, situated in Monmouthshire, was founded in the early 1960's and became the worlds first residential recording studio, but that's not all it's historic for. It didn't take long for Rockfield to start churning out the hits, and I don't mean that lightly. Rockfield has produced a number of incredible albums cementing many a bands legacy, from the MANIC STREET PREACHERS and OASIS in the 90's...going all the way back to QUEEN and "Bohemian Rhapsody" in the 70's...even HIM shaped their gothic-rock masterpiece "Razorblade Romance" in this brilliant little Welsh beauty!

Starting this week on BBC Two, you can see for yourself first hand who Horizons have been working with, courtesy of two mini-documentaries highlighting a select batch of artists, who are not only going to be getting the chance to perform original tracks right there in Monmouth, but will also cover some of the legendary artists who have previously recorded at the Welsh studio. Covering a variety of styles and genres, you'll hear the reggae-inspired tones of ALEIGHCIA SCOTT...the quirky indie-pop funk of Welsh speaking three-piece ADWAITH and the harder hitting swagger-ridden rock 'n' roll of HIMALAYAS. With the first show airing at 10:00pm on Tuesday, January 15th, followed by the second on January 22nd. Both shows (Running time 29 minutes) will be available on the BBC iPlayer for repeated viewing following their aired time on TV. Do check them both out, and check out some of the freshest Welsh music out there today.
BBC TWO: ROCKFIELD SESSIONS PROGRAMMING
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/HORIZONSCYMRU
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2018: A Year In Music

1/1/2019

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Well well well...what can I say? 2018 has been and gone; some of it was awesome, some of it was interesting, some of it was amusing and a lot of it was spectacularly shit...however, one thing that's consistent is the sheer volume of music and art created around the world. 2018 saw me cover my usual rock and metal albums...there wasn't a lot of goth...but I dabbled in some pop, in some rap, in some hip-hop...that's not including that which I checked out for the team over at All About The Rock...ultimately 2018 has kept me on my toes musically and I'm sure that my Top 20's, no matter the category, can show you that. 

From Eurovision bangers courtesy of Saara Aalto...to heavy metal swan songs a la Machine Head. From returning Welsh rap rock renegades The Kennedy Soundtrack...to returning Finnish goth godfathers Musta Paraati. From crossover WWE Superstar Elias...to young crossover Stranger Things superstars forming Calpurnia...you name it there's been something for everyone in 2018 and I like to think I've covered a fair unbiased amount of it. After over 200 albums and EP's, the above gallery showcases the best of the best of 2018 and I hope you agree with my overall picks. Below you'll find the link to the GTGC Facebook page, where you can find my lists in their entirety (Including the bonus WORST 20 OF 2018) and my official GTGC 2018 Spotify Playlist, and I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed compiling it. Here's to 2019 and all of the new music coming our way...some of it will get the GTGC treatment, and you know you're looking forward to that. Peace out bitches...WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB!!!!!!!!!!!!
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/GTGCREVIEWS
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The Kennedy Soundtrack - "B-Sides"

26/12/2018

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PictureIn His Spare Time, He Likes To Tell Rick & Morty To "Show Me What You Got!"
You may remember a short while ago; I managed to catch up with David Challenger for a chat about all things THE KENNEDY SOUNDTRACK, and got the guitarist to talk about the past, the present and the possible future for the Welsh rap-rockers. Having only recently reformed for the first time since their debut album run in 2002, nostalgia has been ripe within the KST camp, with the band re-releasing that same debut; “Tale Of 2 Cities”, especially for collectors on cassette store day, as well as playing a come-back headline show in Newport. However, with the cassette proving incredibly popular, and the show itself being a sell-out, it would be foolish to pass up on such an opportunity, given the fresh interest in the band. The result; they are not only riding the wave of nostalgia, but they’re owning that son of a bitch Kelly Slater style…and in the wake of all the excitement, they opted to treat long-time fans with a new compilation of B-Sides and rarities, together for the first time on one album…so with that in mind, let’s check out “B-Sides”.

We begin with “You Never Know” and WHAT a way to kick this album off! Originally available on the “Bloodshot Eyes” single, it perfectly encapsulates all that was good with the early nu-metal era of alternative rap rock…the fuzzy guitar distortion, the deep bass lines, the up-tempo delivery…sharp, angst-riddled lyrics and a huge hook-filled chorus, full of melody and harmony. The instrumental-heavy climax genuinely gives you goose-bumps as it filters out with one last flurry of noise and passion and it’s perfect. Firstly this belongs on the actual album, and secondly this deserves to close proceedings, end on a high note, y’know? It’s got that vibe to it…fucking brilliant stuff. We follow this up with the Melodic Mix of “24-7” and while it retains the original rap-heavy approach of the album version, here we find David taking over on vocal duties for the chorus instead of Nic Harvard and it gives us a fresh take on a classic. It’s still full of piss and vinegar but the inclusion of cleaner vocals softens the track, rendering it both freshly interesting but no less enjoyable compared to the original.

Elsewhere we have “Wide Awake” which features a brief guest vocal from SKINDRED front-man Benji Webbe. His inclusion is minimal at best, really, only offering what can be described as Caribbean Scat? I mean that as in the Scat Man (Bee-dap-bap-badda-boop), not as in, shit…please be aware of that, thank you. The song itself is a primarily mellow acoustic ballad and aside from a mid-track tempo-change of Nic’s low-key hip-hop input, it serves as a wonderfully sweet ballad, showing the Welsh quintet were more than one-trick ponies. “Bring Me Down” ironically picks things back up again with a grittier, riff-driven guitar sound before some sleek, classic hip-hop lyrical delivery, in ways harking back to the likes of PUBLIC ENEMY (Think the early Tony Hawk soundtracks), while promotional single “Proud” really gets going in proper KST fashion…really emphasising their status as the valley’s answer to LINKIN PARK…few UK acts truly embraced the nu-metal movement like this lot and despite a genre saturation, their background and tastes allowed them to still sound unique and exciting, which still holds true to this day.

​At only nine tracks long, it’s over far too quickly…alternative versions of “Yourself” and the aforementioned “Bloodshot Eyes” make an appearance, and if anything can be picked at really it’s the deep cut “E.M.B.”, which with its funk-driven instrumental style and almost 70’s guitar-tones sounds more out of place than anything else, but let’s be honest, this is the kind of sound you light up for, if you know what I mean? You do dabble in the devils lettuce, don’t you? Essentially, as was discussed with David, The Kennedy Soundtrack are happy to be back and they’re excited to be playing music again…while at the same time, long-time fans are even happier to have them back themselves. Somewhat of a cult band given their brief original run, but now is THE perfect time to discover KST, or even give them another chance. Hopefully we’ll have new music in 2019, and they’ll be killing music all over again. [8]
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/THEKENNEDYSOUNDTRACK
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Hollywood Undead - "Psalms" EP

21/12/2018

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​For many, being a teenager brings with it a sense of exploration and discovery; socially, personally and sometimes spiritually in many aspects of life…and for many of MY generation, our teenage years were fuelled by an angst-ridden soundtrack of Nu-metal rap/rock crossovers . We all remember owning the baggy jeans, flaming shirts (Remember those bad boys? Guy Fieri knows what I’m talking about) the skateboard, the spray-can for the tagging…sorry I got carried away with LIMP BIZKIT then…and discovering so many bands your parents hated not even Rachel Riley could keep up with the numbers. But while some of us MAY have grown out of that, and despite not only OUR tastes changing, but the whole world of music itself evolving, some bands still enjoy peddling their rap rock wares to newer, younger generations. With that in mind, today we’re going to be looking at Los Angeles rap-cartel HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD and their newest EP “Psalms”. Following on from the last album “V”, they intend to tide fans over with this new five-track EP while they work on a new full length scheduled for a 2019 release. The questions is, are these songs sacred as the EP’s title suggests, or is this more a pile of Holy Shit?

The EP opens up with “Bloody Nose” but stylistically it’s less of a smack in the face and more of a pace palm to be honest…for the most part a slow-tempo, alternative hip-hop offering with occasionally brooding riffs, coupled with a generally melodic chorus and pleasantly harmonic vocals. There are some more aggressive vocals leading into a bridge but for the most part it’s a generic track that doesn’t really push the boat out. Don’t worry about the title though; you won’t be needing any Kleenex after this one, it’s not POOR but it’s not exactly pummelling either. We follow this up however with clear EP highlight “Live Fast Die Young” and its soft 80’s inspired synth lead, with subdued percussion and hypnotic rhythm provides a genuinely enjoyable listen. The rapped lyrics add an extra dynamic with a change of tone and character but it doesn’t detract from the easy-listening pop-production overall; this is incredibly catchy and gets better with each listen…a solid track this.

Sadly the rest of the EP goes a little bit downhill and the remaining three tracks fail to inspire any level of investment…”Something To Believe” aside from it’s monotonous, droning vocal display offers a really supercilious chorus, attempting to sound like this grand, beautifully produced pop piece…you’d honestly be better off listening to ONE DIRECTION. “Another Level” makes early references to mosh-pits but it’s sadly not as worthwhile as past efforts by TINIE TEMPAH and EMINEM when it comes to awkwardly referencing moshing…and seriously, that chorus; when you say you’re on another level what exactly do you mean; of the fucking spectrum? It would TAKE someone autistic to enjoy this! Finally then we close up on “Gotta Let Go” and truthfully this is a bit better. An innocent beat with a happy-go-lucky tone with more melody and charm rounding things off on a quaint note. While the EP starts off decently, even the quality of “Live Fast Die Young” can’t save this from its overall sub-par quality. Sure it’s a stop-gap for the next full-length but so much of this, even though it’s only five tracks, feels phoned in. They may not literally be un-dead, but they’re definitely sleepwalking through this one… [3]
WWW.HOLLYWOODUNDEAD.COM
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Post Malone - "Beerbongs & Bentleys"

2/12/2018

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Those of you who know me or follow this blog kind of grasp that, without beating around the bush, I’m not too up on my rap game. Sure I listen to the odd record for diversity’s sake (A bit like how Steve Hughes goes from Slayer to Enya) but ultimately my rap knowledge and awareness is sub-par at best…thinking about it that’s actually generous, I mean shit did you SEE my rapped review for the newest EMINEM record? HA! It never stops me checking out new music however and thanks to my latest reader’s poll, it was suggested that I sample some Posty…sadly I’m not on any illegal substances and this isn’t about to become the weirdest review of Postman Pat you’ve ever seen…we’re about to delve into the world of POST MALONE.

The New York born rapper has had an interesting  journey into the music industry it has to be said; one of the few rap artists who can pull off not only a fun, rock ‘n’ roll aesthetic, but remain relatively down to Earth about everything while at it, all while sustaining multi-platinum status as a rapper. I mean it’s not often you hear a rapper cite Guitar Hero and emo icons like MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE as a musical influences growing up, but despite this, Posty is now one of the biggest names in modern hip-hop and the recent mumble-rap explosion. Hammering home this point, here we have his most recent album “Beerbongs & Bentleys” highlighting both aspects of Post Malone’s crazy success story…let’s check it out…

We open up this 18-track monster of a record with “Paranoid” and for the most part it’s your typically low-fi, melodic, pop-infused hip-hop track; the slow, smooth rhythm and minimalistic instrumentation, coupled with the auto-tune laced vocal leads this to pretty standard radio-friendly stuff. The autobiographical lyrics speak of his circumstances since finding fame, always watching his back, wanting that normality but when those cheques came; people changed, and despite his accomplishments it’s given him anxiety; an interesting, character building start. The level of self-awareness continues through “Spoil My Night” too, which focuses on the opposite side of the coin, knowing he can use his new found wealth and fame to get the girl with the ‘beautiful boobies’…and that’s a QUOTE I shit you not. While not entirely bragging, he’s aware enough to know the behaviour is toxic and to a degree there’s a level of morality layered within the lyrics.

With over an hour’s worth of music to mull over there’s plenty to talk about here, and we have to talk about some of the collaborations on this record for sure…and this includes the lead single “Rockstar” featuring 21 SAVAGE. The mumble-rap qualities are all the more prominent and it’s easy to see how the modern Soundcloud rap movement helped shape artists like Post Malone. Another minimalist, trap-based track, it really benefits from the less-is-more approach with a slick beat and down-tempo groove, although 21’s vocals couldn’t possibly be any flatter…honest to god he’d better avoid Sweden, Ikea will try to sell him off as a fucking shelf unit that’s how flat he is! Another single “Ball For Me” featuring NICKI MINAJ delivers too with some sickly-sweet retro synths and benefits from Minaj’s more up-tempo lyrical pace and tone, she’s been on form in 2018 taking into account her album “Queen”, they work well together and the track compliments them both.

Posty likes to shake things up a little bit now and again mind and examples of this here are “Stay”, which is honestly a decent little acoustic-based ballad, highlighting his ability as a song-writer, while “Over Now” despite retaining the more guitar driven style, has a more subtle, alternative indie-rock feel to it, channelling those early influences. If there’s anything negative to be said here really it’s simply on a matter of consumption; there is so much to digest here and there are times where you can’t help but feel going over the hour mark was at the very least excessive. For the most part, despite the aforementioned tracks, he CAN come across as a little vocally one-dimensional and it seems he’s quite content with his overall formula…I mean it’s working for him don’t get me wrong, but 18 cuts is a couple of beerbongs too many to be honest, I’d be more inclined to call an Uber than get in the Bentley in this condition. Nevertheless, it’s an enjoyable album for the most part and I’m happy to learn that Post Malone isn’t some terribly named new sub-genre, unless he claims it as his own…I really wouldn’t put it past him. [7]
WWW.POSTMALONE.COM
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Twenty One Pilots - "Trench"

15/11/2018

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Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past couple of years, or, your name is Madeleine McCann, you’ve likely heard or at least HEARD OF Columbus-based chart botherers TWENTY ONE PILOTS. While the lads have been at it for a while now, it wasn’t until 2015 that they made their big breakthrough with “Blurryface” after signing to Fueled By Ramen…but when I say breakthrough mind you I don’t just mean they got a little bit famous; HELL NO…I mean they were EVERYWHERE. In the charts, on magazine covers, on posters, you name it; you could find Tyler Joseph and Josh Dunn on it…

Not since the likes of MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE or early FALL OUT BOY had an act accumulated such an intense and loyal following in alternative circles, and their quirky concept album about metal health and personal struggles found legions of young rock and pop fans identifying with the characters and concepts contained within. Now, just a couple of years later and after a brief period of media silence, the duo are back with the hotly anticipated follow-up entitled “Trench”…another concept album following on from its predecessor with a sense of fluidity and continuity…but does it meet expectation? Let’s jump in…

We open up with the title track and things are going pretty swimmingly truth be told; fueled by a thicc (Yes thicc not thick), bass-line it surges forward with a super infectious groove, coupled with some subtly layered electronic elements, which are balanced well with Tyler’s laid back, often delicate vocals. Appearing to peter out, we get a soft piano transition, before the track re-erupts with a bassy climax with Tyler's voice tearing into an intense rage. Conceptually carrying on from the success attained by their last record; the new place he sings of, is where he finds himself surrounded by fame, and the pressures they’ve essentially put themselves under creatively; stuck in a trench battling with their own success. It’s a solid start, and really speaking so is the first half of the album in general.

“Levitate” transitions in smoothly too and here we shake things up stylistically, as Tyler embraces his hip hop and rap influences, delivering some slick bars over a classic ghetto beat. He speaks of cowards only showing up when everyone’s sleeping, suggesting that those without confidence or a set of balls don’t want the attention, only acting when people aren’t looking, but here Twenty One Pilots knew all eyes were on them in anticipation…this was always going to be make or break time and it’s been handled brilliantly, they’re very self-aware. This is backed up on “Neon Gravestones”, continuing the on-going theme of handling mental health with some very EMINEM-esque vocal delivery, though restrained it’s a well-paced hip hop ballad.

As I said the first half of the album unfolds very well, with further tracks like “Morph” which utilises a super smooth, soft-jazz R’n’B inspired chorus with brass elements, while “The Hype” harbours a simple yet effective, soft indie vibe almost plucked straight out of 90’s Brit-Pop with a very THE VERVE-esque structure. Sadly, the latter half of this new 14 track album does sadly limp over the finish line with some generally unexciting content. While the strength of Tyler’s songs does lay within his lyrics, it does help if the songs warrant listening to from an aesthetic standpoint and sadly here they don’t. “Cut My Lip” has some interesting Reggae influence and “Pet Cheetah” is just, well…I mean Jason Statham? What the fuck? Aside from that, it becomes a very flat and frankly tarnishes what was looking to be a properly strong album. The excitement generated around their return and the strength of the initial singles sold this record don’t get me wrong, fans lapped this up, and this initially looked like it was going to be a superb sequel, and it DOES start off that way, but they should have gone for a less is more approach. I know they called it “Trench” but they didn’t need to give us the fucking Mariana…[6]
WWW.TWENTYONEPILOTS.COM
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The Kennedy Soundtrack: Killing Music...Again

8/11/2018

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From Left To Right: Troy Marshall, Rob Giles, Nic Harvard, Elliot Blake, Dave Challenger
Back in the early 2000's, Nu-Metal was officially in full-swing; a new wave of bands had been established, and the next generation of alternative music fans were about to catapult rock and metal into the mainstream. You couldn't go anywhere without seeing kids in baggy jeans skateboarding, talking about all these cool new bands they'd heard on this channel called Kerrang!...even video games and movies were getting in on the trend with a lot of soundtracks utilising the audible adrenaline rush, especially horror movies and sports games like Tony Hawk's Pro Skater; the whole thing was huge. While bands like LIMP BIZKIT were rollin' high up the charts much to the dismay of disgusted parents, and LINKIN PARK were slowly taking over the world having released THAT album...but here in Wales we could more than hold our own. With a blend of angst-ridden alternative rock, urban hip-hop lyricism and pop melody, THE KENNEDY SOUNDTRACK emerged and dropped one of the greatest yet overlooked debut album's ever to come out of the UK...now, nearly twenty years later, they're back, and I was lucky enough to have a chat with guitarist/vocalist DAVE CHALLENGER, as he looks back with bloodshot eyes, to re-tell a tale of two cities, and look ahead to a whole new soundtrack...

I’d like to just begin by taking a look back to those formative years; for those unaware of KST, give us a bit of back-story…how did you guys meet and ultimately form?

“You know that will reveal how old we are right!? [Laughs] We met around the mid to late 90s while we were in our teens at Crosskeys College in South Wales. Many schools in the area at the time didn’t have 6th forms so you would go to Crosskeys to do your A Levels or whatever else they had to offer. At the time (And I believe still to this day), they offered a BTEC performing arts course, this course had two variants, Drama or Music. The majority of us met on the music course.

In between the sex, drugs, rock ‘n’ roll, and shouting in an alcohol fuelled state at Pontypool’s Rugby lads, we’d also spent a lot of time playing music. Mainly; Manic Street Preachers, Radiohead, Nirvana or Oasis songs, before officially forming The Kennedy Soundtrack in 1999 to start writing our own stuff. One of the first tracks we wrote was “Too Much Stress”, and that version is way different to what ended up on the album. It was more of a 90’s Britpop affair with Nic’s youthful higher pitched rap over the top. Though it planted the seed for the KST to grow…”

The early 2000’s was a really interesting era in rock and alternative music…with Nu-Metal in full swing, so many bands were experimenting with genre crossover’s; the likes of LINKIN PARK and LIMP BIZKIT all taking the blueprint set by RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE and redesigning an entire style…were these bands that you looked to as inspiration?

“Rage was definitely an influence, I remember a friend in high school gave me a black cassette tape that he’d recorded himself with the letters “R.A.T.M” carefully written in Tippex. He said “Give it a listen, there’s no samples or anything, it’s all Guitar!” I was like what IS this? I took it home and grabbed my Walkman and listened to it straight away. This was nothing like I’d never heard before and I loved it. There’s just something about those funky but also heavy riffs that just blew me away.  Up until that point I was mainly listening to U2 trying to figure out what on earth The Edge was doing then this Tom Morello guy was doing even stranger things!

Prior to RATM we were also growing up listening to GUNS & ROSES, CYPRESS HILL, N.W.A, NIRVANA and even prog-rock like PINK FLOYD, YES, and EMERSON LAKE & PALMER. Even the SEX PISTOLS, but I’m sure Johnny Lydon would not be impressed to be mentioned alongside Yes, but to be proper punk you don’t conform just to fit in. I watched an interview with him on YouTube the other day, I think he was quite disappointed with the punk scene. It’s what often happens with counter culture movements, is that they just become another box for everyone to fit into and then become main-stream. Be yourself, though accept your influences! [Laughs]”

With your gritty yet melodic rap-rock sound, you stood out yourselves in the South Wales scene…bands like CATATONIA and STEREOPHONICS had put Wales back on the map musically, but you were part of such a vibrant movement…with yourselves, SKINDRED, FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND and we can’t ignore LOSTPROPHETS as much as society wants us to…what are your memories of back then? A lot has changed in music since, do you look back fondly?
 
 
“Lostprophets! I’m not gonna’ lie, we used to listen to them a lot, as they were around a little before us. It’s a terrible thing to have happened to all the victims, and it goes to show you shouldn’t put anyone on a pedestal. He’s ruined a lot of lives including the rest of the guys in the lost prophets that have to live with it. Anyway enough of that…

I do get nostalgic listening to all those bands; it was part of us as we were developing as people and as a band. Each of us was coming to the band with our own musical background and each one of us was determined to get that into the mix.  That’s the Kennedy Soundtrack, each one of us had a Soundtrack we grew up with to add to the project. Everything from 70’s Prog, Rock, Metal, Reggae, Hip-Hop and even 90’s indie.

Cool Cymru was a term that was banded around quite a lot, though we came a little late to the party and we weren’t really part of that scene, apart from perhaps Skindred. We did play with them from time to time. Benji even did a cameo on one of our B-sides, which I incidentally will be re-released in the coming months through Spotify (shameless plug)…”

You left your mark with the release of your debut album “Tale Of 2 Cities” back in 2002, an album that’s become somewhat of a cult-classic…you delivered so many top tracks like “Learning To Let Go”, “Here 4 You” and that’s without the singles you released…it was a quality album from start to finish and at the time, arguably criminally underrated. Looking back, are you proud of the album still? With hindsight is there anything you wish you'd done differently or not done at all?

“Ha, Is it really a cult classic?  I suppose that just means that not many people have heard it, but the ones that have, love it? Well, I think that’s a good a definition! We are always proud of what we achieved, and looking back now there are things that we could’ve done differently, but it is what it is. We are certainly better musicians and performers now, older, slightly wiser. We are better than ever!”

Much to the dismay of your fans, it was to be your only album, there was and still is genuine disappointment surrounding that, what happened following the initial release and collectively what have you guys been up to during the time that’s passed?

“2002 was a pretty hectic year for us. What with recording the album in the USA and touring, I reckon we probably did around 250 gigs that year, we were pretty worn out and jaded by the end of it. By Christmas 2002 we were dropped from the record company. Shortly after that, around February 2003 we were offered a support slot on tour with STEVE-O from JACKASS. The first gig on the tour was in London’s Shepherds Bush Empire. Let’s just say that the place was full of teenage boys trying to outdo each other and the place was crazy. I remember walking onto the stage with some kids shouting “I’ve puked and pissed on your guitar!”.....I thought to myself, “yeah, whatever”.....but as I walked over to my treasured guitar on stage, glistening under the stage lights with our intro music pumping out over the PA, I picked it up and I felt it slip out of my hand a little. The rest of the guys were taking their places on stage looking similarly concerned as I was. I put the guitar around my neck to realise, that the shouts from the kids at the front of the stage were not just the sounds of youthful banter, but they had actually thrown puke onto the stage. We played for around 20-30 minutes whilst being assaulted by various bodily fluids and projectiles before ending the show wondering what the hell had just happened...

All our gigs up until that point (apart from one gig in Barry Island where we had a little scuffle with one of the local knobbers) had been fantastic experiences, playing with PINK, HUNDRED REASONS, PITCHSHIFTER and various festivals such as Reading and Leeds. But, having just lost our record label, being worn out, and the Shepherds Bush gig was the final straw. That was the last time that we played together on stage. (As of Nov 2018)
Following this we all went on to have normal jobs, leading normal lives, buying houses, raising kids etc etc. Between us we’ve been doing Drug Rehab Work, NHS Management, Stats Office Management, Store Assistants, Carpenters, Youth Workers and Bus Drivers.

While living the 9-5 we’ve still had other musical projects, such as Nic’s Hip Hop stuff;- Applied Science and Knights Of Boom. Elliot has been in almost every band in South Wales from 2003 to current day, such as The Guns, Smiling Tigers to name a couple. Myself and Elliot also performed in Ice Cold In Alex and have new project CATALYSTS. You can find these on Spotify, Apple Music etc."

Now in 2018, nostalgia is ripe and it’s an exciting time for KST fans….Recently (Oct 13th 2018) you re-released your album marking International Cassette Store Day…very much like Record Store Day it celebrates physical format and independent outlets across the country, and to mark the occasion people can now find your debut album on cassette as a limited edition for collectors. How did this come to light and who got the ball rolling to make this happen?

“Well that was serendipitous event back in the summer where I put an old demo tape of ours (Actually originally it was on mini disc but I’ve recently got into cassettes) on eBay to see if anyone would be interested in it. Pretty soon after listing, Ant from Lavender Sweep Records in Swansea messaged me if we’d be interested in releasing the demos for international cassette store day. The plan was to release the demos. As it turned out we decided to keep some of the demos and to re-release the album instead. We contacted our old record company and I must say they have been really helpful and supportive to hear that we’ve reformed. So they agreed to let Lavender Sweep produce a limited run for CSD. There are still a small number available if you are interested!”

If that wasn’t enough, you’ve also been rehearsing for some select reunion shows and have even talked about releasing a collection of B-Sides and rarities…tracks like “You Never Know” getting the deserved chance to shine…clearly the energy is positive; what’s it like having the band back together?

“It’s been fantastic! And this time we’re doing it for ourselves, by ourselves and our main goal is to create music and have a good time. We’ve succeeded at that, so we will keep surfing the new KST wave.”

With the talk of the B-Sides project, coupled with the Cassette Store Day release, the level of activity in the KST camp is exciting…fans have to ask, what’s next? Is the motivation there to maybe get together and write again? Maybe more live shows down the line? Or is this purely a nostalgia trip for the fans?
 
 “We’ve recently been in the studio with the Producer Legend that is Romesh Dodangoda. We will be releasing a single in the New Year from that session. For KST live? We’ll see how our first show in nearly 16 years goes on the 14th December 2018! It’s sold out so it seems there’s appetite for the KST. I think we just might have to think about a show in the New Year, maybe even new material. You Never Know…”

Dave, thank you so much for the chat, all the best for the up-coming projects and more importantly, welcome back!

GET YOUR "TALE OF 2 CITIES" CASSETTE HERE
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Man With A Mission - "Chasing The Horizon"

22/10/2018

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“Are they human? Are they wolves?” – Wait, what? This is going to be fucking great I can already tell let me read some more of this… “Their looks may be deceiving and even comical at first glance, but they have incredible brain power and a superhuman physique”…I just did a legit LOL. In case you’re wondering, this isn’t the plot synopsis to some low-budget Lycanthrope movie; it is in fact the back story to one of the biggest bands currently tearing up the Far East! If I may, allow me to continue; “Such superb abilities enabled them to carry out the planet’s most challenging top secret missions, and made them untouchable by the world’s fearsome and powerful leaders including Genghis Khan, Attila the Hun, and Ivan the Terrible.”…this is incredible…this is absolutely incredible, let me just compose myself for a minute.

The band in question is MAN WITH A MISSION and the Shibuya based 5-piece (Consisting of vocalist Tokyo Tanaka, guitarist/rapper Jean-Ken Johnny, bassist Kamizake Boy, drummer Spear Rib and DJ Santa Monica) are collectively one of the most relevant and loved rock bands in Asia today, selling out arena’s all over the continent, having racked up millions of streams and views on platforms such as Spotify and YouTube…but over the past year they’ve been broadening their horizons and have reached out further afield. Some of you may recognise them from their tour slot supporting DON BROCO recently but  now in 2018 they’ve released their first international album; the appropriately titled “Chasing The Horizon”. The question is are these wolf men leading the pack, or just barking mad?

The international release itself has a couple of exclusive bonus tracks for those of us outside of Japan, which includes “Mr. Bad Mouth”, “The Anthem” and “Brave It Out”…the former is a well-worked combination of pulsing, bass-driven electronica and an up-tempo, rocking chorus which in places resembles the likes of FOZZY, but that’s really not a bad thing, while the latter uses a more R’n’B / rap-inspired approach to its verses with the guitars and synths layered throughout, “The Anthem” sadly click-baits you into expecting something big and bold, but what you DO get is a morose ballad type track which is very anti-anthem if anything…though it’s message is positive so it’s not all bad, just a tad disappointing.

The rest of the album features a selection of singles that MWAM have previously released and to be fair this is quite an impressive repertoire…”Take Me Under” for example is wonderfully infectious piece of synth driven alt. rock with plenty of melody  and sing along qualities…”Dead End In Tokyo” has the additional appeal of having FALL OUT BOY front-man Patrick Stump on the writing credits, which makes sense when you listen to it, it’s got that certain distinction in tone…sticking to pop-culture references, wrestling fans may recognise “Break The Contradictions” from NJPW’s recent G1 Climax, the track being selected as its theme; with all of its clap-along charm it’s a really enjoyable track, before “Dog Days” give-off a more drum & bass vibe for a really up-beat slab of rhythmic techno. The only real downside I can find really is “Freak It!” which features the Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra…the brass-sections coupled with the progressive jazz elements don’t really sit too well with the almost stop / start pacing of the track and really it just comes across as a failed experiment. All in all for an international debut it’s a shame…a shame because they’re actually a really good band underneath the furry gimmick and ideally we could have heard more of them sooner, and their back catalogue is well worth exploring. Definitely a recommended record, why couldn’t we get these guys instead of fucking BABYMETAL?!?!?! [8]
WWW.MWAMJAPAN.INFO
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Eminem - "Kamikaze"

10/10/2018

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Now as you’re probably very aware by this point, I don’t really cover much (If any) rap music within these pages, so you’d be right to assume that, it’s not an area I have a great deal of expertise in. I see and hear artists like DRAKE who just mumble their way through life delivering THE most boring tracks you could hear outside of shoegaze and stoner doom metal…seriously how is he so popular? Forget “Hotline Bling” I’d rather block your number AND make myself deaf just to be safe. KANYE WEST is just Kanye West there’s no real explanation for that man, words genuinely evade me, and then there’s guys like 6IX9INE who look like they’ve held fucking Picasso at gunpoint and demanded “Make me famous!”…not even Bob Ross could find happiness in that shit…it’s like he fell asleep and a kid drew on his face in permanent marker and he hasn’t realised yet.

Anyway I’m getting of track now…on my last reader’s poll, despite my lack of knowledge of rap both musically and culturally, you voted for me to check out “Kamikaze”, the surprise new album by EMINEM…and this got me thinking. How am I going to fairly review an album with my own sense of conviction when I have absolutely no idea how to approach it in the first place? The answer is, truthfully, I can’t…but what I can TRY and do is be creative with it. So with that in mind, and forgive me for what you’re about to read, I’m going to attempt to write a RAP, about Shady’s new record and use that as my review. I may or may not pull this off, I don’t even know if this has been done before, but, here we go…somebody give me a sick beat…

“Don’t call it a comeback, it’s more like a revival…that was the plan at least but like a priest he only prayed for survival; cast out out-cast and left in the shade, Shady was left in the dark, like a shadow of his former self and the contrast was stark…you can take your Skylar Grey’s and your Beyonce’s and all collaborations…all your Ed Sheeran’s and your Pink’s and think Marshall tried a bit hard to get over, too many over estimations? High expectations? You could say we had plenty but the feedback on the last tracks left Shady’s blood boil fucking higher than 4:20. It was slim pickings for positives with critics shitting on legacies putting slim way past his prime and about as relevant as any of Kim’s last pregnancies…all these new kids on the block they were part of the issue; grandpa Mathers didn’t matter no more his new material was more like old scar tissue…Lil Pump, Post Malone, Cardi B, on the throne; a new generation of hip-hop was now on-top and wouldn’t throw him a bone but this got under his skin, he’s got a bone to pick with EVERYBODY; if there’s anyone it’s NO ONE who can claim to call him nobody and so with that in mind, you can all go fuck the revival…he’s in the cock-pit cocked back kamikaze aimed straight for his rivals…

We open up with “The Ringer” but he aint dead, there’s no love-lost for no one, there’s only one Shady and he’s brighter than ALL those that think that they outshone THIS rap god; lyrically spitting bars like a machine gun but don’t mention Kelly, “Shots Fired” but didn’t even hit the mark on this album, that’s how relevant YOU are son…with a slow beat and a stop start to the tracks pace Slim puts you ALL in your place and this is just song ONE, unlucky for you we got thirteen to get through we’ve only just begun. “Greatest” is an oxymoron; as he raises the bar with his own  bars and his blistering lyrics, but musically this loop is just lazy and just encourages cynics…making his point on the poorest of choruses, but that’s the whole point that he’s making; his songs slaying even with beats weaker than osteoporosis. “Stepping Stone” is much bigger on melody and humble beginnings, the have’s and the have not’s and why with hindsight that he’s swinging for the young blood, who all swung at him first, this aint about cheap heat like he had with the Moby’s and the Fred Durst’s…he’s learned from his mistakes and he’s making amends but Eminem equals longevity while you’re nothing but trends.

Elsewhere you’ve got a title track bordering on cartoonish but to overlook his statements just makes you look every bit the more foolish; it’s kamikaze for a reason kid and he’s nose-dived, nose to nose with his foes and there’s no remorse as his rap thrives…more Oompa Loompa than Oompah though musically insane it harks back to “The Eminem Show” guess who's back, back again, but if you don’t want the nonsense then he's no longer Mr "Nice Guy", until Jessie Reyez wraps her vocal chords around this rap and you think THAT was your best try? Honestly man it's like she autotuned herself so sound like that time when her own fucking cat died... 
The album in general though is militant, and these millennial rappers just got Court Martialed by Mathers and the message is fucking simple you don’t fuck with the rap god…form is temporary but class is far more than some gold plated iPod, you material rappers couldn’t rap your way out of wet paper bag and honestly? That’s odd; you make comments on the condition of Em’s relevance, lacking any understanding and any sense of benevolence but you’re just wasting time just as much as you’re wasting his oxygen, Slim Shady’s the grand oak tree and your no more than an acrogen...the disdain is toxic like a stain on all rap, a bit like “Venom” at the end of the album coming straight off of the soundtrack…it lacks a purpose or conviction, and legit don’t belong, leave that shit for a B-side or just the special edition, there’s no marvel to THIS song…overall I'd give the record a score above six but that's a bit strong." [6]
WWW.EMINEM.COM
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Mike Shinoda - "Post Traumatic"

19/8/2018

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​On July 20th, 2017…the world of music, not just rock and metal, was stunned into silence following the suicide of LINKIN PARK’s Chester Bennington. No one saw it coming; and the torrent of tears was matched only by the sheer level of positivity in fond memories and condolences…for Chester was the voice of a generation, the reason why so many of us, myself included, got into alternative music in the first place and nobody could comprehend what had happened. As we all very publicly grieved, and as the tears dried, a sudden and further saddening realisation struck us all; what would happen to Linkin Park? This to many may seem like a selfish thought, but let’s not forget they were one of the biggest bands in the world, far beyond the pigeonholes of genre, everybody knew Linkin Park…and they were now facing an uncertain future, or even no future at all. These thought’s plagued the mind of band-mate MIKE SHINODA who struggled to come to terms with what had happened and had a hard time processing it all…until this year that is. He’s recently released a solo album appropriately titled “Post Traumatic” in a cathartic attempt to deal with it all…let’s join him in paying our respects to the late and sincerely fucking great, Chester Bennington…

The album opens up with “Place To Start” and it perfectly sums up Shinoda’s frame of mind heading into this record...the subdued tone of the low-fi hip-hop gives off a deeply emotional aura of sadness, the hopelessness of not having control in life and the disorientation of not knowing where life goes from here…this is reinforced by a series of voicemail messages from close friends offering condolences following Chester’s death and it’s so very raw and real and you can’t help shed a tear here…a truly painful start. “Over Again” follows up next and here it’s so sombre; it has a level of frustration as we get a glimpse into what’s going through Shinoda’s mind ahead of Chester’s tribute show…having to mourn not only your band-mate but your close friend, but having to be professional and join the grieving public when there’s so much running through your mind; it must have been such an incredibly difficult time for the whole band and everyone close to Chester, which is something we as fans take for granted, thinking only of the music, and not the human beings behind it all; you can hear the agitation in his lyrics, the frustration and he sounds like a man on breaking point…such an effective track.

Album highlight “Nothing Makes Sense Anymore” is an incredibly simplistic, electro-driven pop number that would have easily made its way onto “Living Things” back in 2012 for example…made all the more powerful by its music video, it acts as a perfect metaphor for the aftermath of Chester’s passing, with Shinoda seeming lost, trudging through ash and dirt following a wildfire; looking for answers but finding nothing but suffering and it’s incredibly emotional. This can also be said for “Hold It Together” which highlights the struggles it caused Shinoda in his personal life and how he has absolutely no idea how to cope; to deal, and despite the tracks up-beat delivery it’s a very raw and honest piece, while “Running From My Shadow” tackles the idea of moving on, or the struggles met with wanting to move on but not knowing how to, almost afraid to…with a sense of guilt or loyalty to the memories shared.

The album continues and overall, over the 16 tracks you can’t help but feel that little bit closer to Shinoda upon hearing these songs…so rare is it that an artist can produce out of grief, pain, confusion and ultimately love…and it resonates so strikingly with the listener. As I said previously, Chester touched so many lives and put so, so many of us down this path of rock ‘n’ roll he really did feel like part of an extended family, and this album not only perfectly sums up our own thoughts and feelings which we all share with Shinoda on some level, but it does Chester justice…he was always about the art and the expression and even in the difficulty over the last year, I’d like to think that Chester would be proud of Shinoda for this record, because it certainly wasn’t an easy one to make. If anything I can conclude this with at all, is if you’re having a hard time in life, whatever the reasons, please talk to someone, you are loved and you are cared about, it’s OK to have a little help, and this album could potentially be a good place of encouragement. Thank you, Mike Shinoda, and, RIP Chester. [8]
WWW.MIKESHINODA.COM
WWW.SAMARITANS.ORG
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Gorillaz - "The Now Now"

3/8/2018

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The UK music scene in the 90’s was an interesting place to be it has to be said…less of an exotic cocktail and more of a dirty pint if anything. At one end of the spectrum we had a rising popularity in girl/boy bands, spearheaded by the likes of SPICE GIRLS and TAKE THAT…at the other end we had the dawn of a new era of darkness by means of the freshly malformed CRADLE OF FILTH and MY DYING BRIDE, and somewhere in the middle of it all, MR. BLOBBY managed a Christmas number 1, I shit you not. The main talking point however was always Britpop, which was of course famously established by the war between BLUR and OASIS, but at the turn of the century when tastes all changed, bands either sank or swam…Blur front-man Damon Albarn however didn’t just swim, he evolved, grew legs, left the pond and changed the concept of performance art as we knew it…he created GORILLAZ.

Consisting of fictional members 2-D, Murdoc, Noodle and Russel, the “group” existed entirely in animated cartoon form and was spawned from Albarn’s growing appreciation for electronic and world hip-hop music, and they made their breakthrough in 2001 via their self-titled debut album and the mega hit “Clint Eastwood”, never looking back, only growing in success with further singles along the road like “Dare” and “Feel Good Inc.” until their eventual hiatus. 2017 saw them return with 26-track behemoth “Humanz” but 2018 sees them back already with the follow up album “The Now Now”…the question is, is it the good good?

We open up with the album’s lead single “Humility” which features famed jazz-guitarist George Benson and what we’ve got is a quirky little, low-fi synth pop piece…laid back in approach combining ambient funk and subtle reggae influences for a very fresh, Summery vibe. This is backed up by the music video, inspired by the Santa Monica lifestyle; carefree and easy-going, and it speaks of the inner struggles of failed romance and yearning, though not entirely serious with Jack Black doing, well, Jack Black things. It’s an OK start…follow up track “Tranz” however is a completely different kettle of fish. Whilst simple in structure and approach it’s got a definite, retro electronic tone musically combining the simplicity of KRAFTWERK and the edgier, darker tones of DEPECHE MODE, all the while utilising some really catchy pop hooks and it works wonderfully, this is easily an album highlight.

Sadly however, highlights over these 11 tracks exist in much the same way Harambe does; i.e. he doesn’t, not anymore anyway (RIP you majestic beast). “One Percent” harbours soft synth melodies that wouldn’t feel out of place in a scene from “Stranger Things”, while “Lake Zurich” is another up-beat, primarily disco / funk-driven instrumental for the most part and it has to be said, on the track “Hollywood”, it’s always good to hear a bit of SNOOP DOGG (Even though the guy will work with almost anyone, refer to my old COREY FELDMAN review for that)…the rest of the album however sadly lacks any real sort of momentum. “Idaho” is structured very much like a dreamscape which would not only put you to sleep, but the sheep you were counting too. “Fire Flies” strikes me as purely ironic and cruel as I’ve literally just reviewed an OWL CITY album and this track actually makes me miss that, before closing track “Souk Eye” rounds things up with some more dreary pop. Damon Albarn is a talented song writer and creator, that’s not in question, but there were days he used to write with a sense of positivity and fun, with more LIFE…lately this project sounds like he’s either half asleep or stoned, or both…honestly, take the W’s off of the album title and it’ll be more appropriate. [3]
WWW.GORILLAZ.COM
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Too Many T's - "South City"

15/6/2018

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Over the past decade or so the UK has properly stepped up in terms of the whole culture surrounding underground urban music, ranging from hip-hop to rap, grime and alternative R’n’B with everyone from THE STREETS to LETHAL BIZZLE and recently STORMZY, all contributing to what is now a flourishing scene up and down the country. You may be wondering why I’m talking about this as I rarely if ever touch rap and it’s many umbrella terms, but, it didn’t put today’s artists off getting in touch with me via email…and being the open minded fellow that I am I decided to swap the breakdowns for the beats and broaden my musical horizons; allow me to introduce to you TOO MANY T’S. The London-based duo (Consisting of Ross Standaloft and Leon Rhymes) have been described as the UK’s answer to THE BEASTIE BOYS and have had several high-profile endorsements from the likes of ROB DA BANK and WU-TANG already, and not too long ago they released their hotly anticipated debut album “South City”…the lads asked me to check it out so the question is, how many T’s is too many? Let’s find out…

We open up with “South City Court” and it’s not long before we’re taking a nostalgic trip down memory lane (If memory lane was a dark city side-street in the wrong part of town)…this is very much drawn from old-school hip-hop with its swagger, tinny percussion and overall tone, it’s so easy to understand where the Beastie Boys comparisons come in to play it has to be said. With its crisp production yet simplistic approach it starts the album off really well. Follow up track “Sixty’s Ford” again opts for a less-is-more mind-set with a primarily percussion lead piece, with subtle electronic elements filtered through sparingly…the vocals are slick and stylistically here they’ve gone for a more jungle-infused grime track, coming off as slightly deeper, slightly darker.

There are several strong cuts spaced out over the course of the album in all fairness showcasing a variety of influences, highlighting the level of quality the UK has been churning out in recent times, “Diamond’s Gold (Ice, White & Black)” for example utilises a strong melodic hook during the pre-chorus that channels artists such as GORILLAZ while the rapping quality has an attitude to it that would appeal to fans of say, KANO or PROFESSOR GREEN…elsewhere then trilogy completing “1992 pt.3” (Which you may recognise from Camden Hell’s lager adverts) is an upbeat, brass infused piece that has a strong DIZZEE RASCAL vibe layered throughout. New single “Tearing Us Apart” is a much softer, rich, R’n’B ballad type piece that has a genuinely infectious groove, showing further diversity, before closing track “Start The Fire” rounds things up with a bold, brassy, pulsing, techno-heavy number, gradually coming down to an almost TWENTY ONE PILOTS inspired piece of alternative pop.

It’s not all bloodclart  quality though yeah you understand me fam? The ‘skits’ here are utterly pointless and serve the album no merit whatsoever, even on an artistic standpoint; “Sira’s Biscuits” and “FM Mangal” respectively as mundane as each other, if anything just highlighting the down-to-Earth mentality of the two but that’s scraping the barrel, other than that it’s a well delivered, diverse hip-hop album. Not my usual cup of ‘T’ (I’m sorry that really is one too many T’s) but definitely a recommended listen. [7]
WWW.TOOMANYTS.COM
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Eurovision Song Contest: Portugal 2018 Preview

11/5/2018

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As you all know by now, every year I do a round up in some way shape or form, of the annual EUROVISION SONG CONTEST. Highly regarded in the UK as an absolutely cringe-worthy cheese-fest, it's no surprise we haven't won it for years, and that's without getting into the shows regular politics let alone the utter shambolic level of fuckery we've found ourselves in under the "leadership" of Theresa May and the current Conservative government...well actually no I'll blame Cameron too, the pig-poking prick! Regardless...we enter every year and hope to not come last essentially. The 2018 final will be held on Saturday 12th May and will take place in Lisbon, Portugal, after SALVADOR SOBRAL won the Ukraine 2017 competition...here I'll be taking a quick run down of all 26 qualified acts and giving my own personal individual score / opinion ahead of the live final...in order of live performance; let's begin...

1] UKRAINE: MELOVIN - "Under The Ladder". Aged just 21, opening the Eurovision Song Contest would seem like a daunting task for many, but Melovin (Real name Kostyantyn Mykolayovych Bocharov) is perfectly at home here, as winner of season 6 of Ukraine's version of The X-Factor. The track is an up-beat, rhythmic dance-pop piece which should in all honesty kick things off really well in terms of tempo and entertainment, but on record it isn't the most convincing vocal display in places and I just hope things don't fall flat for him on the night. 3/5

2] SPAIN: AMAIA Y ALFRED - "Tu Cancion". This is a track taken from Amaia Romero's album "Sus Canciones" and is a collaboration with one Alfred Garcia...sung in Spanish, it's one of the songs this year traditionally sung in the native language as used to be part of the rules before they relaxed things, and for all intents and purposes it's a soft piano ballad with elegant string sections...a lovely song in some aspects but luckily one of the boring ones is now out of the way early. 1/5

3] SLOVENIA: LEA SIRK - "Hvala, Ne!"...NE! NE! NE! We are the knight's who say...NE! *Ahem* All jokes aside, Slovenia's answer to MO / KESHA does a decent job of bringing a modern twist to proceedings. Utilizing a blend of hip-hop production and combining electronica with soulful pop, it's got a decent beat to it overall but it never truly takes off, with the chorus sadly coming across as anti-climatic compared to the level of expectancy of the track. 2/5

4] LITHUANIA: IEVA ZASIMAUSKAITE - "When We're Old". Ironically titled by the 24 year old, and despite her youth this isn't her first Euro rodeo! Having enrolled to compete in 2013, 2014, 2016 and 2017, she FINALLY get's her opportunity to represent her country in 2018. It's an honestly lovely song, focusing on Ieva's hushed, whispered vocals over a gentle piano lullaby...it's a slow one, and one that will rely on mood and emotions conveyed on the night, but it's a wonderfully tranquil track and should score well regardless. 2/5

5] AUSTRIA: CESAR SAMPSON - "Nobody But You". Always the bridesmaid, never the bride...having performed as part of backing vocals for two previous Austrian acts, Cesar finally get's his own shot. Arguably one of the first bandwagon jumpers this year, Cesar brings a fully emotive, gospel sound to Portugal with his blend of soulful pop music, hammered home by a strong melodic chorus...if you're a fan of RAG 'N' BONE MAN then expect to be giving Austria your vote this year... 3/5

6] ESTONIA: ELINA NECHAYEVA - "La Forza". The show isn't over until the fat lady sings...well as it happens Elina is far from fat and we're less than a quarter of our way through so buckle up! A classically trained Soprano, Elina brings a touch of class and vocal quality to proceedings this year, with her powerful vocal range and dramatic, operatic elements...if you're a fan of TARJA TURUNEN for example, you may want to send your vote Elina's way! 2/5

7] NORWAY: ALEXANDER RYBAK - "That's How You Write A Song". FEED. ME. MORE! Oh...sorry...wrong Ryback I was thinking about WWE for a second...but no in all seriousness, Alexander is technically a Eurovision veteran; he WON the competition back in 2009 with a track called "Fairytale"...can the young lad with the violin become a two-time winner this weekend? This funk-driven almost 70's inspired combination of tinny guitar and violin has plenty of energy, but will it be Norway or NO WAY!? You be the judge...2/5

8] PORTUGAL: CLAUDIA PASCOAL - "O Jardim". The hometown-hero as such, Claudia represents the hosts this year taking the torch from reigning champion SALVADOR SOBRAL and will be hoping Portugal can pull off an unexpected victory to retain the Eurovision Trophy for a 2nd consecutive year. Another acoustic/piano ballad, it's got quite a slow build and is honestly quite soppy, potentially risking too many similarities to last years winning song itself...they say lightning doesn't strike twice, I guess Saturday we'll find out. 1/5

9] UNITED KINGDOM: SuRie - "Storm". Oh boy...if you could find me a more fitting song for the UK for this competition I will do sexual things for you no questions asked...not only is the song already two years old and theoretically out-dated, lyrically and thematically it pretty much sums up the state of affairs regarding Britain and the EU and the whole Brexit debacle...metaphorically of course. Musically it is a decent pop track and has it's anthemic qualities but despite any positives I can't see us doing well at all this year...3/5

10] SERBIA: SANJA ILIC & BALKANIKA - "Nova Deca". There's always an entry with utilizes traditional middle-eastern tones and this track is that entry...and seriously what a long-ass intro, taking up nearly a third of the song! It's got a generally simple beat and does pick up, leading into an ultimately pleasant, up-tempo track with subtle dance tones, but it could have benefited  having more of this, less of the intro, as it's shot itself in the camel-toe essentially. 1/5

11] GERMANY: MICHAEL SCHULTE - "You Let Me Walk Alone". Another young talent with a background in reality TV; 28 year old Michael found mild success on Germany's version of The Voice in 2012, where he came third overall, before going on to release his debut album. This year we find him contributing yet another piano ballad to this years Eurovision playlist, and as you may have guessed it's another harmonious love-song with an impassioned climatic feel...again, nice but, it may get lost in the shuffle. 2/5

12] ALBANIA: EUGENT BUSHPEPA - "Mall"...I take one look at this guys name and I swear to god all I can think of is a bush-tucker trial...but my mental issues aside, here we have the first of our demographic-pleasing alternative entries. Eugent is a renowned rock performer in his home country and has actually supported the likes of DEEP PURPLE in mainland Europe, so he's got his credentials...but what is he offering here? A mellow, country-esque traditional folk-pop type piece with an acoustic lead and impressive vocals. It sounds good, I just wish I knew what he was saying. 2/5

13] FRANCE: MADAME MONSIEUR - "Mercy". France hardly needs the bad luck of performing 13th...their results have hardly been the most impressive in recent years, but they hope to change that in 2018. The ambient, synth-pop track follows on from recent success stories such as CHRISTINA & THE QUEENS and may go down well, and though there are no direct ties to the LGBT community, the whole MRS/MR approach could appeal to gender neutral's from an activist point of view...unless that's me looking far too deeply into what is essentially an annual song contest...2/5

14] CZECH REPUBLIC: MIKOLAS JOSEF - "Lie To Me". A potential favourite here depending on the right crowd...full of swagger and groove, Mikolas utilizes the southern blues inspired jazz tones of New Orleans to great effect here, rich in funk and passion, he confidently takes this track by the scruff and simply awaits the laudits of the Lisbon crowd. The recorded version does have some swearing in it, so that'll have to be edited during the final or he may find himself getting nil poi via disqualification... 3/5

15] DENMARK: RASMUSSEN - "Higher Ground". A man of many talents; Rasmussen (Real name Jonas) originally performed in a covers band, focusing on the likes of ELTON JOHN and ABBA, before he turned his attention to acting, focusing mainly on stage productions. 2018 see's him return to singing with this entry; a combination of power-pop and traditional, Nordic heritage in subtle tones. Despite the classic key-change sequence, it does lack a little oomph and falls just short of being an awesome entry. 3/5

16] AUSTRALIA: JESSICA MAUBOY - "We Got Love"...Hang on just a second let me just get Moe Sargi...'YO JESSICA MA BOI!" There we go...that's out of the way now...but no seriously Australia in Eurovision is still a thing. Yes it was novel having them there for the big anniversary show a couple of years ago but, despite not being anywhere remotely near Europe, here they are...the song itself is a generic, light, radio-pop song which wouldn't be out of place in some, teen Disney flick...it's fine but, I really don't see the point this year. 2/5

17] FINLAND: SAARA AALTO - "Monsters"...Finland you beautiful bastard of a country...as if you didn't already supply the world with some of the finest gothic metal and rock bands to ever grace the stage, you also have pop music nailed too by the looks! Saara Aalto ticks all the boxes having dueted with ADAM LAMBERT and ANDREA BOCELLI, not to mention having done voice acting for the Finnish dub of "Frozen", she's a proven voice. Here we have a sleek, electronic-pop monster in it's own right rich in hooks and mainstream appeal and it's an absolute top tune. All of the yes from me. 5/5

18] BULGARIA: EQUINOX - "Bones". Bulgaria's entry features yet another reality TV statistic in vocalist Zhana, who won Bulgaria's X-Factor in 2013...now, 5 years later we find them representing their country in Portugal with "Bones"...the haunting vocal tones and the predominantly dark-pop vibes of the song are pleasant enough, helped by its catchy chorus, but it sounds like a watered down version of "Skeletons" by 2017 Azerbaijan entry DIHAJ to me. 2/5

19] MOLDOVA: DoReDoS - "My Lucky Day". Three is the magic number as they say, and for this trio, it's third time lucky as they finally get to represent their country after failing to secure their place in both 2015 and 2016. Doritos as I shall call them from here on in, have a fun and up-beat approach this year combining modern pop with a GOGOL BORDELLO style of Oompa / alternative. 2/5

20] SWEDEN: BENJAMIN INGROSSO - "Dance You Off". One of the youngest performers at this years final in Lisbon, Benjamin started early and appeared in several Swedish musicals as a child and is hoping his performance experience can carry him through to another Swedish victory. With his soft vocals it can be said he's another JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE inspired pop-starlet but truth be told he's not of the same caliber previous Swedish winner MANS ZELMERLOW, he lacks that spark. A harmless pop song but I'm not expecting big things. 1/5

21] HUNGARY: AWS - "Vinszlat Nyar". Ever since LORDI won it for Finland back in 2006 there's almost always a rock song or two thrown into the mix to shake things up a bit and here we have that very token rock song. AWS deliver on all fronts with a strong melody and even stronger riffs for their hard rock performance, even including that cliched key-change and it has to be said it's a solid track...it wont win but it is a banger. 4/5

22] ISRAEL: NETTA - "Toy". While it's one thing to question Australia's inclusion in what is essentially a European competition, it can be said that you have to question Israel too...although politically and economically they are at least tied to the EU so there's that....anyway I digress this is a song contest not BBC Question Time. Netta Barzilai is an outsiders bet if ever there was one! A fun and up-tempo track for the most part, combining western pop influences with middle eastern traditions...it's a decent listen, that is until the random chicken noises...seriously I don't know if it's a gimmick or an affliction. 3/5

23] THE NETHERLANDS: WAYLON - "Outlaw In Em'". Real name Willem Bijkirk, he acquired his stage name after the late Waylon Jennings as means of a tribute and is no stranger to Eurovision. As part of THE COMMON LINNETS he finished runner-up back in 2014 and hopes to go one step further 4 years later. Mixing bluegrass with southern rock swagger, fans of BLACK STONE CHERRY and the like are sure to give him the nod of approval and send a vote his way. 4/5

24] IRELAND: Ryan O'Shaughnessy - "Together". Despite a lack of luck in recent years, Ireland are still the ones to beat as they've won Eurovision a record seven times since its inception, and they hope to add another victory in Portugal this year.Another TV talent show statistic, Ryan O'Whatshisface appeared in Britain's Got Talent back in 2012, reaching the final only to finish in 5th place...will he do better here? Another sweet, acoustic/piano ballad, it doesn't truly stand out as such but he's got enough Irish charm to win the voting public over...perhaps. 2/5

25] CYPRUS: ELENI FOUREIRA - "Fuego". Apparently Eleni here is the bookies favourite and I've been scratching my head to work out how and why...with her typically modern autotune-laden pop qualities I guess she'd make quick and easy money in the charts commercially, given the success of everyone from DEMI LOVATO to DUA LIPA and the like...it's decent enough pop song for what it's worth and catchy enough but, it's nothing special per se...we'll see. 3/5

26] ITALY: ERMAL META E FABRIZIO MORO - "Non Me Avete Fatto Niente"...It takes longer to say that than they'll stay in the top 10 this year if you ask me...it's emotive enough with its almost cinematic qualities in places but songs spoken in native tongue are hit and miss and never a guarantee...it might benefit from being on last in some eyes, but to many it'll be an afterthought as the audience suffers from fatigue and burnout, and it's hardly a climatic showstopper...I can't see this doing overly well. 2/5

So...there we have it...my run down of the 2018 Eurovision final! Have you heard any of the songs yet? Are you happy with your countries entry and more important;y, who will you be voting for? Leave your comments below, but for now...it's over to Graham Norton to entertain us with his commentary.
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GavTheGothicChav: 2017 In Music

15/1/2018

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    Gavin J Griffiths, a.k.a GavTheGothicChav, lover of new music and supporter of bands. Inspired by a mixture of horror and comedy, and fueled by a blend of alcohol and sarcasm...if you're a singer / in a band and would like a review written up, please do get in touch via the email address at the top of the page and I'll get back to you ASAP. Much love x

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