When I initially created this blog back in 2014, one of the main things I wanted to do was highlight an array of new bands and promote new local music as much as I could…South Wales has always had a vibrant scene full of up and coming musicians, a vast talent pool of unsigned artists just waiting to make a name for themselves, the likes of REAPER IN SICILY and CLEAR THE AUDITORIUM for example showed huge promise, while THE DIRTY YOUTH and HOLDING ABSENCE have become two of the hottest bands in the UK…but like most things in life, there’s always been balance…for every Shawn Michaels, there is a Marty Jannetty. In terms of music, sadly that’s not a good thing…if you’re a regular reader of this blog you are probably well aware of the difficulties I’ve faced with home grown talent…bands like NOO5E (that’s a Vietnam style, PTSD inducing flashback if ever there was one) and the fucking Voldemort of Welsh punk bands, BANKRUPT PUG (seriously just uttering their name broke one of the seals to open the gates of hell just then) have subject me to some of the toughest challenges of my time as a reviewer…I never back down from a challenge however and often the resulting (and more often than not negative) review can be quite comical / borderline slandering…sadly…this seems to be a reoccurring issue. Recently, I received an email that opened up with “Hello beloved Gavin”…I’m already scared…the second thing I notice is that it’s by a band calling themselves DING DONG PROBABLY…(I shit you not). Hailing from Neath, the hardcore punk 3-piece sent me a link to their new album; “Up In Heaven, Down In Heck”…it’s TWENTY NINE TRACKS LONG…what the actual fuck have I gotten myself into this time?!
The album, and I use that term loosely, starts off with the epic nine second opener “One Chord & The Truth”…just like the lyrics suggest, the trio are clearly on drugs and I don’t mean the odd spliff…before we’re met with first track proper, the tongue in cheek “Ding Dong Probably”…lyrics about doorbells and starting the best band in the world, albeit a drunken decision…very much a song of split personality, initially very basic but, when it gets going it’s actually decently crafted punk rock…musically at least…which is why I conclude after listening to the whole thing, that this album is really fucking disappointing…let me explain. When you’ve got an album 29 tracks long, you’d hope to god that there was SOMETHING hidden within its 28min run time that would be worth listening to? Yes you did read that right, despite the number of tracks it’s still less than half hour long, it’s one of those punk albums…and in all fairness, quite frankly, very surprisingly if I’m honest, it does have its highlights…”Coffee Punks” ticks all the typical punk rock boxes with it’s short, abrasive and angry tone, ranting at hipsters, vegan carrot cake and card machines…random, yes but it IS punk rock…”I Saw A Goth” is one of the most random 10 seconds you’ll ever find on ANY record…more of a tongue in cheek slice of social commentary, questioning the authenticity of rain fearing goths…it’s quite funny for what it’s worth, a bit of a rib, while “Lone Pine Mall” actually has structure! More vocal harmony, clear distinction between verse and chorus…fuck me it sounds like an actual song! The same can be said for “He’s A Little Prince If Anything”…a song about a dog…repetitive but, at least it has catchy qualities, while “The Ballad Of Leatherface” isn’t as it seems…instead of a horror parody, it’s about a local leather faced, toothless hag who lives for Bargain Booze and Wetherspoons…charming, I’m sure she’s honoured…well done Lesley you’re famous! I’m struggling for positive points now, but I have to mention “I Still Remember The California Games”…a throwback for all the retro Nintendo kids, its got nostalgic value…and Stephen Hawking-esque intro…I’m sold.
The rest of the album…or…menagerie of mentally deranged song content as is more appropriate, is so fucking off-kilter! “Cum Buffet” for example…an ode to cheap party food instead of fancy middle class snack-sized delights, they long for a sausage roll and some quiche, none of your fancy canapés…they may be fighting their own just cause but I’m fighting to stop myself hitting the stop button…”Never Happened” is 7 seconds you need to hear because I simply cannot begin to describe other than with a slow, confused WTF?! While “Rainbow Slug”…I just don’t know, I honestly don’t know. Musically…as the punk band they claim they are, they deliver, some of the snippets of music offered up here are at least aesthetically on point within the confines of their chosen genre, some of it actually IS performed with an ounce of authenticity and can therefore be appreciated…HOWEVER…frustratingly, when you need to drop acid to get your head around a record, you know you’re in for a rough time…I don’t even mean in the cool 1970’s hippie free-loving era of drug fuelled rock and roll…I just mean these guys are fucking mental and this album should only be approached if you fancy something really different. Ding Dong Probably? I probably need counselling after that…[2]
The album, and I use that term loosely, starts off with the epic nine second opener “One Chord & The Truth”…just like the lyrics suggest, the trio are clearly on drugs and I don’t mean the odd spliff…before we’re met with first track proper, the tongue in cheek “Ding Dong Probably”…lyrics about doorbells and starting the best band in the world, albeit a drunken decision…very much a song of split personality, initially very basic but, when it gets going it’s actually decently crafted punk rock…musically at least…which is why I conclude after listening to the whole thing, that this album is really fucking disappointing…let me explain. When you’ve got an album 29 tracks long, you’d hope to god that there was SOMETHING hidden within its 28min run time that would be worth listening to? Yes you did read that right, despite the number of tracks it’s still less than half hour long, it’s one of those punk albums…and in all fairness, quite frankly, very surprisingly if I’m honest, it does have its highlights…”Coffee Punks” ticks all the typical punk rock boxes with it’s short, abrasive and angry tone, ranting at hipsters, vegan carrot cake and card machines…random, yes but it IS punk rock…”I Saw A Goth” is one of the most random 10 seconds you’ll ever find on ANY record…more of a tongue in cheek slice of social commentary, questioning the authenticity of rain fearing goths…it’s quite funny for what it’s worth, a bit of a rib, while “Lone Pine Mall” actually has structure! More vocal harmony, clear distinction between verse and chorus…fuck me it sounds like an actual song! The same can be said for “He’s A Little Prince If Anything”…a song about a dog…repetitive but, at least it has catchy qualities, while “The Ballad Of Leatherface” isn’t as it seems…instead of a horror parody, it’s about a local leather faced, toothless hag who lives for Bargain Booze and Wetherspoons…charming, I’m sure she’s honoured…well done Lesley you’re famous! I’m struggling for positive points now, but I have to mention “I Still Remember The California Games”…a throwback for all the retro Nintendo kids, its got nostalgic value…and Stephen Hawking-esque intro…I’m sold.
The rest of the album…or…menagerie of mentally deranged song content as is more appropriate, is so fucking off-kilter! “Cum Buffet” for example…an ode to cheap party food instead of fancy middle class snack-sized delights, they long for a sausage roll and some quiche, none of your fancy canapés…they may be fighting their own just cause but I’m fighting to stop myself hitting the stop button…”Never Happened” is 7 seconds you need to hear because I simply cannot begin to describe other than with a slow, confused WTF?! While “Rainbow Slug”…I just don’t know, I honestly don’t know. Musically…as the punk band they claim they are, they deliver, some of the snippets of music offered up here are at least aesthetically on point within the confines of their chosen genre, some of it actually IS performed with an ounce of authenticity and can therefore be appreciated…HOWEVER…frustratingly, when you need to drop acid to get your head around a record, you know you’re in for a rough time…I don’t even mean in the cool 1970’s hippie free-loving era of drug fuelled rock and roll…I just mean these guys are fucking mental and this album should only be approached if you fancy something really different. Ding Dong Probably? I probably need counselling after that…[2]
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