Correct me if I'm wrong but this cover art suggests otherwise...? People do this on purpose I swear...they decide to form bands with the sole intention of being so utterly terrible it hurts...I'm not exaggerating, I would rather listen to a rap battle between Prof. Stephen Hawking and Microsoft Sam in real time...speaking of rap, I would rather personally fund a new STEVE-O album...I would rather name my first born daughter ROMAN REIGNS than have to go through any more of this, but, alas...it is my duty to you all to share such a monstrosity.
Allow me to elaborate; I was sent an email containing a link to an EP, with a request to check it out and review, non-PR related, a personal email. The person in question stated that they were a casual reader of this blog, and wanted to know what I thought about their "comedy / punk" band; BANKRUPT PUG. Alarm bells are already ringing in my ears, are they baiting me?...With influences including "Music, sound effects, cartoons, alcohol and pugs", they created (they didn't write this EP, they created it, like a fucking FRANKENSTEIN monster) the "I Can't Believe I Ate The Whole Thing" EP....did I spare myself the loss of sanity and send this to the spam folder? Of course not...I wasted ten minutes of my sense of hearing only to find myself raging harder than a Red Gyarados flipping it's shit in Johto...here's what I found.
We open up with "Adopt / Adapt / Improve" and all I can say is that initially, it begins with a semi-retro vibe with it's guitar tone taking you back to the likes of THE B52's or MINUTEMEN...musically it's straightforward enough, it's upbeat, generally quirky but vocally, Pablo or Tetley, whichever one it is (Yes, they go by these names, other members include Captain Zilchio, Vlad The Creator and wait for it...Strangey McStrange) it sounds awful. There's barely any tune vocally, it's flat and, lyrics that include two boys burning a bag of dogs is just...what?! It get's worse...we follow up with "Why So Seagullrious?" (I'm not even joking) and it is beyond ridiculous. It's a softer song, it's got subtle keyboard elements that aid with the tracks melody and really it falls under pop-rock more than punk, if you took out all the words this could actually make a decent demo track for a proper band...but those words...I thought I'd heard it all but I was clearly wrong. If you spend three minutes singing about wanting to cause physical harm to a seagull while trying to feed ducks, by sticking dynamite up it's arse, you need help, you really do. I get that this is comedy punk but use that term loosely, very loosely. I hope a seagull shit's in his chips for this song...
What's next? "Golf, Strangling Animals & Masturbation"...OK you know what, I'm not even going there. It's getting to a point now where I'm unsure if I should stop writing this review right now and contact someone...like, the police, or, the RSPCA or, Jeremy Kyle, anyone! I'M going to need counselling let alone this lot! Finally we finish up then on "Marshmallow" and it's another two minutes of up-beat punk-inspired noise akin to our first track and really it's nothing special, ending rather abruptly too which quite frankly is the most merciful thing they've done here...the line "sweat out your sickness" closing the song and really, they should take their own advice, I mean, who recorded this?! Now, I can appreciate artistic merit, freedom of creativity, alternative comedy, freedom of expression and all of that, and even more so I do appreciate being personally contacted and requested, but if you're going to call yourself a comedy act please make sure there's something worth laughing at that ISN'T the fact you submitted this EP, unless, that was the whole point all along? There are other bands from Wales that utilize a comedy twist, NIGHTMARES FROM THE DISCOTHEQUE do it so much better and even BREAKDOWN FACE have found their purposefully low-quality niche...this on the other hand is just bad. Bankrupt is least of their worries, I'd put this pug down myself...[1]
Allow me to elaborate; I was sent an email containing a link to an EP, with a request to check it out and review, non-PR related, a personal email. The person in question stated that they were a casual reader of this blog, and wanted to know what I thought about their "comedy / punk" band; BANKRUPT PUG. Alarm bells are already ringing in my ears, are they baiting me?...With influences including "Music, sound effects, cartoons, alcohol and pugs", they created (they didn't write this EP, they created it, like a fucking FRANKENSTEIN monster) the "I Can't Believe I Ate The Whole Thing" EP....did I spare myself the loss of sanity and send this to the spam folder? Of course not...I wasted ten minutes of my sense of hearing only to find myself raging harder than a Red Gyarados flipping it's shit in Johto...here's what I found.
We open up with "Adopt / Adapt / Improve" and all I can say is that initially, it begins with a semi-retro vibe with it's guitar tone taking you back to the likes of THE B52's or MINUTEMEN...musically it's straightforward enough, it's upbeat, generally quirky but vocally, Pablo or Tetley, whichever one it is (Yes, they go by these names, other members include Captain Zilchio, Vlad The Creator and wait for it...Strangey McStrange) it sounds awful. There's barely any tune vocally, it's flat and, lyrics that include two boys burning a bag of dogs is just...what?! It get's worse...we follow up with "Why So Seagullrious?" (I'm not even joking) and it is beyond ridiculous. It's a softer song, it's got subtle keyboard elements that aid with the tracks melody and really it falls under pop-rock more than punk, if you took out all the words this could actually make a decent demo track for a proper band...but those words...I thought I'd heard it all but I was clearly wrong. If you spend three minutes singing about wanting to cause physical harm to a seagull while trying to feed ducks, by sticking dynamite up it's arse, you need help, you really do. I get that this is comedy punk but use that term loosely, very loosely. I hope a seagull shit's in his chips for this song...
What's next? "Golf, Strangling Animals & Masturbation"...OK you know what, I'm not even going there. It's getting to a point now where I'm unsure if I should stop writing this review right now and contact someone...like, the police, or, the RSPCA or, Jeremy Kyle, anyone! I'M going to need counselling let alone this lot! Finally we finish up then on "Marshmallow" and it's another two minutes of up-beat punk-inspired noise akin to our first track and really it's nothing special, ending rather abruptly too which quite frankly is the most merciful thing they've done here...the line "sweat out your sickness" closing the song and really, they should take their own advice, I mean, who recorded this?! Now, I can appreciate artistic merit, freedom of creativity, alternative comedy, freedom of expression and all of that, and even more so I do appreciate being personally contacted and requested, but if you're going to call yourself a comedy act please make sure there's something worth laughing at that ISN'T the fact you submitted this EP, unless, that was the whole point all along? There are other bands from Wales that utilize a comedy twist, NIGHTMARES FROM THE DISCOTHEQUE do it so much better and even BREAKDOWN FACE have found their purposefully low-quality niche...this on the other hand is just bad. Bankrupt is least of their worries, I'd put this pug down myself...[1]
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