At the risk of stating the obvious, I’m quite partial to a review…yes I spend a fair amount of my time writing up these blog entries and contributing to the team over at All About The Rock, but a lot of my free time is spent watching YouTube reviewers too; guys like Anthony Fantano, AVGN, Brandon Tenold and more recently I’ve stumbled upon a guy named Decker Shado; the internet personality with the best hair. He, like most internet movie reviewers has gone through the “Alien” franchise and having watched these particular videos over the last day or so, it’s only ironic that this next review has ties to the movie itself…thematically at least, let me explain…

​Allow me to introduce to you a band by the name of SICK N’ BEAUTIFUL and to utilise some professional wrestling terminology here, they’re ALL about the kayfabe. Hailing from Acheron LV-426, a moon orbiting Calpamos, 39 Light Years from Earth, from which the USCSS Nostromo picked up a distress signal, before its crew got face-hugged the fuck out of in the aforementioned movie “Alien”. Or, if you prefer…Rome, they’re from Rome, Italy. The intergalactic 5-piece (Consisting of vocalist Herma, bassist Big Daddy Ray, drummer Evey plus guitarists Lobo and Rev C2) apparently “crash landed” in the Italian capital after their spaceship; the BFS9000 suffered engine failure on their travels and they’re a bit stuck, but as luck would have it they’re a space-age musical circus freak-show and request your generosity in funding the repair costs by checking out their brand new album “Element Of Sex”. Clearly not endorsed in any way by the Weyland-Yuntani group, let’s see if they deserve our hard earned dollar…

We open up with “Fire True” and immediately we’re met with a dramatic, string-inspired synth sequence, verging on symphonic really, before we’re thrust right into the crunch of some thick, throwback nu-metal riffs. The heavy intensity and subtle electronic elements musically places this somewhere in deep space between KORN and CANE HILL, add to that then a slick guitar solo and overall we’ve got a decent opener here. Recent single “Megalomaniacal” is up next and it brings the tempo with it too, mixing raw, punk qualities via Herma’s cacophonous vocals, with a classic hard rocking rhythm…also the “Mortal Kombat” inspired arcade game video that accompanies it is a bit bonkers to boot; all in all a fun track. “All Wanna Go To Heaven” then reaches an entirely different echelon as the albums clear stand-out track…the gradual build of seductive keys and simple percussion leading into cleaner vocals, capitalising on influences such as GARBAGE and NO DOUBT resulting in a perfectly catchy piece of pop music; the hooks and overall groove here will have you hitting repeat with no doubt ironically, this is superb.

The trouble with that is, the rest of the album can only go downhill, but it doesn’t go too far down it has to be said; “Hellawake” is another brilliant example of synth-pop combined with hard riffs and hushed ambiance for a solid, almost anthemic listen; layered incredibly well…”HeXxX (The Element Of Sex)” has a certain retro feel to it, partly channelling the likes of THE B52’S in tone giving it a fun, up-beat feel, while “Cryptid” utilises a pacey guitar driven approach, rich with gang vocals, melodies and subtle breakdowns for a well delivered ear-bashing, before closing track “C*mmunion” ends on a high note with more hooks and accessible pop-rock enjoyment. It’s not quite a perfect album over its ten tracks though sadly; “Slam!” despite being heavier and grittier musically plods along a touch too methodically, while “New Witch 666” undergoes a remix following its initial release in 2015…not the best of tracks to begin with, the revised cut gives it new life but it’s still weaker compared to what else is on offer. All in all however we have an undeniably strong album here and from start to finish these xenomorphs entertain on a number of levels. If we could just get Ash to sabotage the fuck out of their repair operation given his previous, maybe they’ll stick around a bit longer…because whilst sick they are indeed beautiful. [8]

There are certain situations in life where you just can’t win…for example, say…an argument with your wife…or there’s that saying about playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good you are at chess, the pigeon is just going to peck at the pieces, shit on the board and strut around like it’s won anyway. My point is sometimes it’s a case of why should we even bother and to try and elaborate I’m going to use BLACK VEIL BRIDES as an example. They formed in 2006 following the massive emo explosion but were always aiming for a heavier crowd, very much inspired by their love of KISS and MOTLEY CRUE (You’d never tell looking at them would you?) and in 2011 they made their big breakthrough with the album “Set The World On Fire”…with massive singles like “Fallen Angels” they put themselves on the map and were touted as the next big thing…but the trouble is that with endorsements like this, there is always backlash.

While the younger fans lapped them up, making front-man Andy Biersack a poster-boy in the process, many traditional metal fans labelled them as rip-off artists and posers (I remember a distinctly hostile reception at Download 2012) and thus, they became one of those Marmite bands. Fast forward a couple of years and after a couple more albums, they’ve toned down on the appearance ever so slightly and focussed on delivering a less glam-metal  inspired sound leading into their brand new record “Vale”…and here lies the problem…let’s check it out.

We open up with “Incipiens Ad Finem” or roughly “Starting At The End”…that was sudden, quickest review ever! I jest…but no it’s literally a 21 second intro that serves literally no purpose being its own “track”…Biersack rambles on about having found their stage, preaching to the legion of the black and it’s all very melodramatic, before the first proper track “The Last One” gets the album going. It’s a very underwhelming transition to be honest not sounding very natural at all but when it reaches its peak it’s BVB by numbers; gang vocals and a soaring chorus, even the solo sounds forced but really its nothing special at all. “Wake Up” is a decent little track in an annoyingly literal sense…it’s a decent up beat piece of melodic rock but at less than 3mins it may as well be an alarm clock ring tone, it’s over just as you’re getting into it which is frustrating.

I won’t be a complete villain…”My Vow” offers some much needed weight and we actually get some enjoyable riffs here, there’s much more attitude here and it’s more akin to the earlier work that made them and that’s welcome, though it’s annoyingly short yet again, while “The King Of Pain” has an infectious simplicity to it, soothingly plucked guitars and honey coated vocals with ample hooks provide a clear album highlight here. “Dead Man Walking” tries it’s best to utilise pop elements but it’s far too long, and the chorus is disappointingly weak and repetitive, and its here we hit the albums Achilles heel…the vast majority of “Vale” sadly sounds phoned in and it’s ironically summed up in “Ballad Of The Lonely Hearts”. There’s a lyric that goes “Here's to the lonely hearts and the ones that never change. Here's to the failed starts and the song remains the same” and you’d be forgiven for thinking Biersack was singing about this very album…there’s nothing here that truly leaps out at you as a statement, there’s nothing here that warrants BVB being as big as they are…and this is where I draw my analogy; the band can’t win. Glam metal and make up? Posers and scorned…a touch stripped back and more serious? They have absolutely no charisma whatsoever…the album is annoyingly flat and it really is a case of damned if they do, damned if they don’t. Ironically it was them that sang “Love Isn’t Always Fair” [5]

Just a couple of short weeks ago, I returned to Nottingham on what’s become a sort of annual Winter Goth pilgrimage…yes myself and my better half got the opportunity to visit Rock City to say our goodbyes to our favourite lads from Finland; HIM. Their “Bang And Whimper” farewell tour was announced out of the blue earlier this year and it was as you can expect, an emotional night in Nottingham, tears were shed, several were my own…and I’d like to take this opportunity to again express my gratitude for all the guys have done for both music and myself. As a unit they were one of a kind and in my opinion criminally underrated by many…we shall miss you greatly. However, as they say, when one door closes another opens and no gig would be complete without a support band and that’s why we’re here today.

Let me introduce you to BITERS…formed in Atlanta, Georgia, the four-piece (Consisting of lead vocalist Tuk, guitarist Matt, bassist Phillip and drummer Joey) joined HIM on four dates around the UK and in all honesty there were several complaints before the tour even began. You see when HIM performed their American dates, they were joined by CKY and to many this was the perfect line up, calling Americans lucky fuckers, and many dismissed Biters outright out of bitterness…but how they would eat humble pie when the tour came around. With a style deeply rooted in the hey-days of glam rock, they whipped up the crowd with a warm feeling of nostalgic rock ‘n’ roll and won the vast majority of people over. Impressed, I immediately looked them up and discovered they had released a new album this year; “The Future Ain’t What It Used To Be”…let’s check it out…

The album opens up with “Let It Roll” and quicker than you can slip into your skinny jeans we’re wriggling our hips to some good, old-fashioned rock ‘n’ roll charm. After a brief build-up of simple percussion and minimalist guitar work we’re thrust into an up-beat dose of classic rock, mixed with youthful vigour…in a weird way imagine STEEL PANTHER and BOWLING FOR SOUP had a child…it’s a fun start and sets the tone well. “Stone Cold Love” gives the listener a real feel for their influences as we’re teleported right back to the 70’s and the glam-rock stylistics of T-REX etc…it again plods along with a simplicity but the chorus is truly infectious and Tuk (AKA Noel Fielding) here truly channels his inner Marc Bolan for this one…the references to vinyl adding extra nostalgic value and it’s a wonderfully enjoyable little track.

“Don’t Turn This Good Heart Bad” is another of the albums stand-out tracks with its innocent pop-hooks and clap-along cheer, it really is a wonderful little love song and again channels all of that 70’s charm, likewise with “Chasin’ The Feeling”…a no nonsense swagger-fuelled dose of melodious rock ‘n’ roll rollicking…while album highlight “Vulture City” really hits the nail on the head with all of the aforementioned but with far more bite and attitude…this is infectious as fuck, reminiscent of VEINS OF JENNA and THE 69 EYES early garage days in ways…incredible stuff. There are naturally weaker moments as we can expect a lull on most records…”Gypsy Rose” again channels everything T-REX and sounds like something you’d hear on “Top Of The Pops 2” re-runs…”Hollywood” highlight’s an irony, speaking of longing to be on the infamous walk of fame…yet with over 2,600 stars on the boulevard, it’s value is diminished and the ballad here comes across as tongue-in-cheek, before “Goin’ Back To Georgia” closes proceedings with a clichéd acoustic led ballad type piece…a soppy, happy ending about heading home…a lighters in the air type track, it’s sickly sweet. For a band of this ilk to be signed to Earache Records, it’s surprising really but it’s no different to NICKELBACK being signed to Roadrunner…a great classic rock ‘n’ roll album this for a modern generation and they bridge the gap well…they went fishing on tour with HIM and we’re all biters at the end of the day, and I’m not ashamed to have been caught. [7]

The weather today is absolutely shit, it’s windier and wetter than a category 5 queef…so I’ve decided to uproot and head to Italy! I’m just kidding, there’s perfectly good pizza in my local kebab shop I’m not going anywhere, but today’s band however are indeed from “lo stivale”…let me introduce you to HELL IN THE CLUB. Formed in Alessandria back in 2009 and consisting of vocalist David Moras, bassist Andrea Buratto, guitarist Andrea Piccardi and drummer Marco Lanciotti, the four-piece have been living their dream of sex, drugs & rock ‘n’ roll over the past couple of years, and with a couple of records under their belt already they’ve accumulated a strong fan-base, with their sound taking influence from the glam-metal heyday’s of the 80’s…2017 sees them release their brand new album “See You On The Dark Side”…returning Jedi or are they rock’s Jar Jar Binks? Let’s find out…

The album opens up with lead single “We Are On Fire” and immediately we hear their glam-metal influence…there’s a level of swagger here akin to the likes of MOTLEY CRUE and HANOI ROCKS in places, coupled with the melodic hooks, the gang vocals, all the way down to the guitar solo, acting very much like a time capsule full of 80’s rock splendour and they fit a lot into this relatively brief opener, setting a good tone for the record going forward; a decent start. “The Phantom Punch” follows this up with little to no change in overall approach then other than slight tempo changes; there’s a more power-metal tone in the chorus with Moras properly belting this one out, more gang vocals and another solo round this one off and again, it’s decent…

The incredibly random “I Wanna Swing Like Peter Parker” is a peculiar one…while upbeat and lively for the most part, highlighting an apparent fondness of Marvel comics, it’s got this wonderful soft-jazz fill halfway through the track, it’s a cheeky play on words; half web-slinger, half FRANK SINATRA, literally swinging and I imagine this was in part inspired by THAT scene from Spiderman 3…bizarre. “A Melody, A Memory” starts off well enough with a rich, groove-laden riff sequence but as we switch into the chorus there’s this really awkward key-change that doesn’t sound right at all…it kills all the momentum gained leading into it, while it should really burst into life for a bold chorus we get an underwhelming transition…disappointing this, before we finish up on a stronger, consistent note. Album highlights like “The Misfit” utilise vibrant, catchy pop-rock qualities to deliver a light-hearted, fun listen, while “Withered In Venice” by contrast is a more mature rock ballad; dramatic and emotive…ultimately there’s enough here to entertain fans of that bygone glam-rock era but it isn’t over saturated in clichés to the point where it’s a mere tribute act…or even worse, STEEL PANTHER. Now if you’ll excuse me…I’m off to dance my way down the street looking like an absolute prat like Toby Maguire, despite the rain. [6]