As I’ve stated plenty of times before, back in the early 2000’s, we were in the height of the Nu-Metal era. All of the freshest bands were peddling in down tuned guitars; combining elements of alternative rock and metal, with rap and hip-hop, and traces of the tail end of grunge, and while the likes of LIMP BIZKIT and LINKIN PARK were riding high with chart success and platinum albums, there was always going to be a place, for good old-fashioned rock ‘n’ roll. It’s at the very core of what we enjoy under many guises today, as rock ‘n’ roll will never truly die. By that I mean, it’s like CARRY ON films, they’re dated as fuck but, they’re fondly remembered for what they were. Nowadays we have an ever so slightly over-saturated market for modern classic rock bands but, that’s a whole different kettle of fish, and we aren’t talking about when rivers meet in the kitchen... 

Today, we celebrate another anniversary, as twenty years ago, Suffolk based spandex enthusiasts THE DARKNESS unleashed their debut album; “Permission To Land”. Permission was granted too, as they spent four weeks holding onto the coveted UK No.1 Album spot in the official charts, selling over a million copies, fending off the likes of IRON MAIDEN and DAVID BOWIE. It won them Brit Awards and made them rock ‘n’ rolls newest stars. Now, in 2023, let’s look back and shine another light on The Darkness, as we check out their new four-disk anniversary set and grant them “Permission To Land...Again”. 

Disk one kicks off with the original album plus a couple of demos, and we’re greeted with a little folklore a la “Black Shuck”. An East Anglian death omen, a devil dog of sorts, it supposedly terrorised church folk, but here it’s all very tongue-in-cheek. We’re treated to some ascending riff and drum work, very bluesy and gritty, before we’re met with front-man Justin Hawkins, and his unique and impressively high vocal range. He jovially sings of how this demon dog don’t give a fuck, as they swagger through a high energy hard rock number, with wailing guitars and a simplistic AC/DC-esque intensity. It’s a fun opener and caught many by surprise. 

Next up we have our first solid album highlight, by the brief bombardment of lead single “Get Your Hands Off My Woman”. The rolling intro of gradually built bass and cymbals, leading into a flurry of intense glam rock, with some insanely high-pitched vocal screeches. It’s got light punk rock qualities in its attitude and fuzzy production, coupled with the frenetic solo, but it’s an undeniably entertaining piece of rock. This certainly caught people's attention in the February of 2003.  

To say the album was top heavy, would be a fair assessment, as the following three tracks were also singles, and they certainly wanted to make an impression. “Growing On Me” is a twisted tale of relationship uncertainty; jumbled emotions and confusion, treating love almost like a fungus. Who’s really growing on who? Justin here is incredibly juxtaposed in what he wants, or feels, but there is definitely something there. Dan Hawkins is once again allowed to let rip on a guitar solo and this is just a band in full swing. 

Speaking of full swing, we have the bands piece de resistance... “I Believe In A Thing Called Love”. A 21st century anthem, it’s undeniably their biggest song, and the track that put them on the map. From the music video battling space aliens, to the catchy, sing-along harmonies where EVERYONE tried to reach those high notes and failed miserably. It’s got clap-along qualities and riffs not seen since the likes of QUEEN and it’s just splendid. Arguably overplayed at rock clubs and alternative DJ nights, but it’s still a fantastic, light-hearted rock number. 

The albums strongest track though, debatably, is “Love Is Only A Feeling”. The gentle nature of this sweet, emotive rock ballad is simply stunning. The guitars and overall tone ooze a mature sense of longing and heartache, and the Spanish guitars, with subtle keys merely add a level of romanticism. And that solo too! This is played with passion and a sense of honesty rarely found in rock bands. This is from the heart and it’s wonderful. 

The remaining half of the album is fine, but as previously stated it has been front-loaded. “Friday Night” has some jovial lyrics about ping-pong, badminton and gymnastics, it’s a quirky song about being nerds at school, but meeting at a dance hall and reconnecting. It’s sweet in its delivery but emphasises naïve, youthful romance. It’s like, “Friday I’m Love” by THE CURE in a catsuit and far less Goth. “Holding My Own” closes the album with another ballad, and as touching as it is, can’t compete with our previous efforts. 

The demos consist of unreleased tracks like “Out Of My Hands” and “Nothings Gonna Stop Us”, which are fine ballads and energetic numbers respectively, while “Black Shuck” gets the Vincent Price homage with a creepy intro a la “Thriller”. “I Believe In A Thing Called Love” has the elements in place but it’s slower, with more synth underlay, and is a far cry from the finished song. A couple of tracks to check out but, the band picked all of the right singles to be fair. With the added production quality of course. I believe in a thing called studio engineering.  

It’s weird, right? We’re at the arse end of 2022, and Covid still crops up in the conversation regarding bands plans and ideas. Typically, you’d find that bands were a bit lost, because tours were cancelled, so they’d push some extra exclusive merch to compensate, or …they’d work on a cheeky EP to tide fans over, or even just jump straight into writing their next album. But oh no, not LORDI...

The Finnish Eurovision favourites decided fuck it; following 2020’s “Killection”, they weren’t going to get to work on the next album, or even a double-album, no, that’s too uninspired; unoriginal and quite frankly boring. The band decided to work on a concept BOX-SET, of SEVEN consecutive new and original albums,  between 2021-2022 under the banner of “Lordiversity”.  

A modern, retroactive time-capsule, it spans multiple genres, eras and sounds, spanning decades, covering the growth and evolution in fashionable rock ’n’ roll, but with that beastly, Lordi twist. The question is; can a bunch of pantomime shock rockers pull off such a feat? Let’s find out, as we plough through these 78 tracks, wishing they could have settled for an EP... 

The series starts off with “Skelectric Dinosaur” and we find ourselves back in the late 1970’s, where rock music was at that initial turning point. That transition between the more innocent, formative rock ‘n’ roll, swing and more blues influenced styles, to what we now refer to separately as classic rock.  It opens up with “SCG Minus 7: The Arrival” and with its church organs, haunting wails and children's giggles, telling you that “Monsters are coming” …it’s quite the creepy introduction. This however leads us into disappointment, as we’re greeted with first track proper; “Day Off Of The Devil”.  

Musically absolutely fine for the style they are going for, imagine, KANSAS, or, ALICE COOPER or even BLUE OYSTER CULT, they’ve nailed that classic guitar tone and recording quality, credit to them, and it’s a decent, chilled out rock track, however the intro promised something a lot more sinister. The question is, how DOES the devil spend his days off? Is he there with a bowl of Coco Pops, sat on the couch in his pyjamas watching Disney+ on a Saturday morning? Who knows.... who cares...not me.  

“Starsign Spitfire” has a very slow, plodding pace to it, while it does have some decent backing vocal harmonies elevating the chorus. “The Tragedy Of Annie Mae” has a very DEEP PURPLE-esque bass-line fuelling the track and it rumbles along nicely. We do eventually finish album one off with “...And Beyond The Isle Was Mary”, and we get a quaint, piano-filled piece with rainy sound effects, resulting in a gentle closing number.  They nailed the sound of the era and have delivered well here overall; it’s not a bad start. 

Next up we have the album “Superflytrap” and we transition rather quickly from the origins of rock and early metal, into the bright lights of the discotheque. The intro piece, “SCG Minus 6: Delightful Pop-Ins" is totes cringe babes, with the porn parody content. Some bimbo taking in the pizza guy, and the pool guy, like some seedy classic blue-movie plot-segue, until the monster breaks in and there’s screaming and terror, and it’s all a bit shit. I pray Asylum don’t read this; their movies are bad enough as it is... 

The actual opening tracks “Macho Freak” and “Believe Me” are a bit better. It’s not always easy to recreate that nostalgic disco/club vibe musically with it coming out authentic, but credit to a band like Lordi, they’ve managed it. The funk-fuelled synths, alongside the twangy guitars, in this day and age remind me of DEREK BISHOP if you’re interested in modern disco, and to be fair, the band, despite their appearance, don’t sound cheesy doing this. “Bella From Hell” capitalises on some genuinely soulful backing vocals, while “Cast Out From Heaven” tries to be a genuine ballad, and, let's be honest, the vocals do NOT suit this approach. This is too jarring.  

Where do we go from here?  Album number three; “The Masterbeast From The Moon”, and we enter prog-rock territory. Inspired by the likes of PINK FLOYD etc, it’s a more ambitious piece but do a band like Lordi have the ability to pull this off? Let’s get one thing straight here, no... the answer is no. “Moonbeast” utilises an almost GHOST-like character instrumentally but that’s genuinely as good as it gets. The praise ends here. “Hurricane Of The Slain” highlights this point as, the piano rich, orchestrally led strings of the track are gorgeous, but the clash with the gruff vocals absolutely ruins things. It’s all well and good trying new things musically, but when the vocals are so often stagnant, it has a detrimental effect on the entire project. “Church Of The Succubus” at over 11 minutes fits better in the whole prog-rock aesthetic, but even that can’t save this record.  

What do we have next? “Abusement Park”, and I can’t lie to you, I do love a play on words; this title tickles me. It reminds me of JOHNNY KNOXVILLE in the film “Action Point”, but I digress. The title track absolutely reeks of classic heavy metal with the pacing, the key transitions, the style of percussion, it’s got a semi-MOTORHEAD vibe to it as well as the likes of W.A.S.P., almost power-metal in places, and it’s very up-tempo and energetic. It can be a bit cheesy with some incredibly cliched names like “Ghost Train” and “Rollercoaster”, but it’s to be expected. “Carousel” has some wonderfully emotive, smooth, sensual guitar playing that reek of the 80’s, while “Pinball Machine” harbours this strong AC/DC, or, JUDAS PRIEST level of vocal screeching.  

“Nasty, Wild & Naughty” harbours all of that overdone rock ’n’ roll sleaze lyrically, despite being a catchy piece of rock with all of the cowbell, before “Merry Blah Blah Blah” comes out of the blue as a Christmas single. The bells and choirs are there, the Santa references are there... but do you know what is also there? Me, making Ebeneezer Scrooge feel uncomfortable with my lack of festive spirit. Pull a cracker, the joke will be this song, I promise. I mean, WHY?! 

Next up we have “Humanimals” and we’ve reached our more, BON JOVI and AOR inspired tracks, and it shows. Opening track proper “Borderline” has a real, I guess, bon-jovial vibe to it (I’m sorry) with its light, up-beat synths and almost hushed percussion. The chorus houses some smoother gang vocals and its honestly quite the pleasant little track instrumentally. “Victims Of The Romance” utilises a more guitar driven approach in comparison but it reeks of that, all-too parodied hair-metal era. If you choose to picture Lordi with mullets in spandex, well, that challenging wank is on YOU my friend. “The Bullet Bites Back” stands out with its genuinely sleek guitar tones, and especially it’s solo, before we revisit “Like A Bee To The Honey”. A decent piece (Written by KISS) but, two years old, and practically becoming filler at this point.  

Our penultimate album, “Abracadaver” leans further into the emergence of what we now fondly refer to as modern metal, with that transitional period, from the mid to late 1980’s into the 1990’s. Ignoring the now tedious intro bit, we dive into “Devilium”, and we’re met with a bombardment of riffs, old-school thrash metal aesthetics and vocals that could make onions cry. The title-track isn’t much better truth be told. You CAN hear “Big-4” elements but the track does eventually descend into utter fret-wankery. “Beast Of Both Worlds” is arguably as good as it gets on this one, with it’s very SLAYER-esque chugging riff-work and rhythmic snarls. Done well enough but, beyond dated. 

Finally, then, and oh how glad I am knowing this (Excited for this one? Hell no, I’m just glad this is over with), we round things up with “Spooky Sextravaganza Spectacular” and that name alone reeks of ROB ZOMBIE. “Demon Supreme” utilises darker synths and a semi-industrial aesthetic to give the ol' Dragula a right good rear ending. It’s a touch repetitive but it’s got an energy to it and reminds me of POWERMAN 5000 in ways. “Lizzard Of Oz” houses more chugging riffs, with a strong electronic core sound, something which a more industrial metal unit might partake-in.  

“Skull And Bones (The Danger Zone)” repeats this seemingly Rob Zombie inspired instrumental direction, with it sounding aesthetically very similar. “Shake The Baby Silent” is top quality parenting advice it has to be said, Mr. Lordi collecting his dad of the year award over here, well done. Skip the bottle feed, jump straight to infanticide. It took seven albums but we do actually get our first actual stand-out highlight in the form of “Terror Extra-Terrestrial”. The intro spoils it a little bit, with its E.T parody segue, but we get a frankly quirky piece of synth-driven hard rock, and it’s honestly rather catchy. We ultimately finish up very ironically however, with the track “Anticlimax”...and I’m not even going to make any jokes here, the audio speaks for itself. After seven albums, completing this seventy-eight-track endurance test has to be rewarded in some aspect surely? Not in the slightest. 

Lordi tried something different here; they have to applauded for their creative ambition, that’s without question. What DOES need to be questioned though, is why the hell they couldn’t do seven concept EP’s instead of seven full bloody albums? They could have very easily cherry-picked specific highlights, and made a far more digestible, and more importantly, enjoyable listening experience. Seventy-eight tracks, allows for far, far too much filler, and truth be told, fodder. They managed to occasionally hit certain spots musically, and instrumentally to diversify these albums into their genre’s, which is the entire point OF “Lordiversity” as a concept, but vocally they just aren’t capable of really delivering; it’s very one-dimensional for the most part, and that grates over time.

In summary... Monstrous? Check. Mediocre? Also check. If concept albums are your thing, love anthologies and collecting box-sets, or simply are a die-hard Lordi fan, you'll likely enjoy this for what it is. If you specifically like a certain style or genre, feel free to sift through your own preferences accordingly, you MIGHT get something out of it, but, as a complete package, this is at a level of grandiosity Lordi really shouldn't be dabbling in. For me? This review is finally over...give me a hard rock hallelujah! [4]

SPEAKING OF THE ROAD...BILLY IDOL makes his return to the UK in 2022 for a live arena tour, his first since 2018! The original rebellious poster boy hits six dates across the UK with special support from THE GO-GO'S to promote his new EP, as well as treating audiences to a plethora of classic hits and favourites. Tickets are available right now, via www.aegpresents.co.uk/events/detail/billy-idol - and to clarify, the dates and venues are as follows;

Saturday June 11th - Glasgow, SSE Hydro
Monday June 13th - Manchester, AO Arena
Wednesday June 15th - Birmingham, Resorts World Arena
Saturday June 18th - London, SSE Arena Wembley
Sunday June 19th - Cardiff, Motorpoint Arena
​Tuesday June 21st - Leeds, First Direct Arena

We hope to see you all at the roadside next Summer...you'll find me at Cardiff.

It only seems like yesterday when we were talking about WEEZER, and quite frankly that’s because it may as bloody well have been! Yes back in January, less than two months ago, Los Angeles emo / post-rockers Weezer dropped a surprise self-titled covers album dubbed the “Teal Album”, given its cover art. A fine a medley of covers it turned out to be, that included everything from TOTO to TLC, but it was all filler, merely biding time for what would be announced as their SIXTH self-titled album, dubbed the “Black Album”, which was released at the beginning of March.

Having six self-titled albums is bold and ambitious for any artist, not even KORN can compete with that! But, let’s break it down…going as far back as 1994 we’ve gone through everything from blue, to green, red, white, teal and now black…either Rivers Cuomo is trying to assemble his own league of fucking Power Rangers or he’s been on the Skittles again! Fuck the rainbow Rivers, focus on the music! I digress…with this, the “Black Album”, have they gone heavier; darker? Have they channelled their inner METALLICA to let rip and deliver an album soaked in the maelstrom of metal misery? Well the answer is, not quite…let me explain…

Opening track “Can’t Stop The Hustle” has an almost Hispanic tone to it combined with brass elements and an almost 70’s funk charm, and it speaks of a general down to Earth, working class lifestyle…lyrics about managers slacking, selling lemonade, higher education and avoiding drugs; it’s a bit of a jab at the idea of the modern celebrity and the idea of instant fame and success. It’s all about the work ethic which is something Weezer have put in for nearly 30 years now, never compromising, always true to themselves…admirable in context but it’s a somewhat flat opener musically. “Zombie Bastards” follows up and sonically it’s a bit of an oxymoron as there’s nothing threatening about this at all. Amidst it’s jovial indie-pop tones it speaks of society and normality; everyone conditioned to a certain way of life, a bland existence if you will and the song challenges the idea of that; suggesting you dig a little deeper, there’s more to life than this, there’s more to life than being a brainwashed zombie, and it’s both a dig AND encouraging.

Elsewhere the album more or less maintains a calm, easy listening vibe over the remaining eight tracks…”High As A Kite” takes on a soft, JOHN LENNON / THE BEATLES vibe, and it’s touching as it mentions drifting off like lost balloons, flying like a beautiful bird over a piano led ballad; the idea of freedom and escaping society and the pressures of everyday life; it’s a sweet song backed by a sweeter Mr Rogers inspired video. Album highlight’s “I’m Just Being Honest” and “Too Many Thoughts In My Head” stand out with their up-beat delivery…the former again utilising infectious indie-pop tones and a simple hook, while the latter is again, up-beat and makes the most of Rivers impressive high notes, in places coming across not too unlike BRONSKI BEAT toward the tracks climax, if only briefly. While not intense, the track ends in an enjoyable crescendo and it’s a pleasant listen overall.

The remainder of the record as I said more or less delivers in a similar fashion…”Piece Of Cake” is pretty straight forward with it’s sweet, laid back delivery, “The Prince Who Wanted Everything” does undertake a more 70’s inspired glam-rock aesthetic not unlike T-REX for example, before closing track “California Snow” runs the clock down with some primarily lethargic and repetitive soft rock. Ultimately I think that this album is a bit of a rib on today’s market and industry generally…the very idea of a ‘Black Album’ conjures up the idea of heaviness, as I mentioned Metallica previously, we’re inclined to think that way; we expect a darkness, a deep resonance accompanying the weight of the music, but Weezer here have trolled us all as it’s one of the softest sounding albums they could have delivered. The song writing and story-telling has clear depth, but we were expecting something much meatier, and the band KNEW this. I’m not knocking it for its lack of heaviness, or grit, but credit to Weezer they played me here and still managed to make me bob my head to the majority of this album. IS IT as good as the covers album from January? No, because of the quality choice of songs they covered, but this is a decent little happy-go-lucky record. Still after all these years you really can’t knock Weezer’s hustle…[5]

Finnish music it would seem, is undergoing a little bit of a renaissance…just last year we saw the revival (And what a revival it was too!) of original 80’s Goth-rockers MUSTA PARAATI thanks to Jyrki Linannkivi of THE 69 EYES, who helped them rock ‘n’ roll-back the years to deliver some sorely missed traditional post-punk, but this year we’re going back even further. Back in the late 70’s a group of musicians who would be simply known as the AGENTS began their highly collaborative career, acting as a backing band for several successful Finnish artists, and though while consistent throughout this time, having released a plethora of recorded LP’s, they’ve never really had the spotlight on them outside of their home country…until now.

VILLE VALO needs no introduction; the former HIM front-man is one of the most iconic performers in modern alternative music and since HIM disbanded, I guess you could say he’s been a…free agent? Cue the collaboration! But it wouldn’t be the first time, oh no…HIM fans will be aware that back in the late 90’s before the love-metal maestro’s hit the big time, Valo had already performed with Agents a handful of times on Finnish TV…but now, twenty years later, we find them together again as Valo’s career comes full circle as they release their self-titled album “Ville Valo & Agents”. To paraphrase CHER…do you believe in life after love metal? Let’s check it out…

The album opens up with “Kirstinkulma” and what we have really is an elongated intro track; purely instrumental here, it showcases the bands original style and tone with the stripped-back surf rock and blues-pop influences…with a subtle ROY ORBISON inspired sound in places. It’s very easy-listening and really quite sweet sonically. The first track proper then is the first of a couple of revisited tracks for Valo by the name of “Ikkunaprinsessa”, which essentially means ‘The princess in the window’. Not to be mistaken with anything you might find in the window of his dad’s Helsinki sex shop, it’s a romantic little tale about someone who sets their eyes on a model in a shop window and falls in love. A simple story but it’s got such a jovial tone to it, with Valo here sounding smooth as ever. Singing in his native tongue, he makes Finnish as much an art from as a language. “Paratiisi” is another which means ‘Paradise’ and it’s got soft, Mediterranean elements to the guitar here and both tracks sound vibrant; the fresh recording quality has done them justice.

It’s worth pointing out here that the bulk of this record comes in the form of re-recordings, with Valo putting his spin on tracks originally performed when the Agents were collaborating with RAULI SOMERJOKI, a Finnish songwriter who passed away in 1987, with “Kuihtuu Kesäinen Maa” being a great tribute for example. An incredibly mellow track, Valo allows his dulcet tones to weave their way around the song, bordering on the point of becoming a lullaby was it not for the instrumentation. There’s a sense of clarity to him that he was lacking on the last HIM record and he seems audibly more relaxed, healthier even. There are two English language tracks presented by the way of “Rockin’ With Enzio” and “I Told You So”…neither of which have Valo on vocals. The former houses a subtle 70’s glam-rock tone musically, which may appeal to fans of say, T-REX, while the latter harbours a more country-based blues aesthetic; both of which equally refreshing on the ears from a musical and linguistic point.

To be quite frank, this is more of a project than a new band or, real fresh start for Valo post-HIM…a little like his solo single “Olet Mun Kaikuluotain”, he just fancied a change. The songs have been rerecorded and produced well, and Valo’s hushed vocal harmonies are tailor made for Agents musical style, they complement each other wonderfully.  If any HIM fans were hoping for something more like the guys have done in FLAT EARTH then they’ll be disappointed, the whole idea was for Valo to step AWAY from the noise and the heaviness that came with being in HIM; he’s exploring new avenues creatively and allowing himself the freedom to do so. Sure the Finnish itself might put some people off too, but it really isn’t aimed at the same demographic of Heartagram enthusiasts he’s been used to for the past twenty five years. If you’re a fan of Valo’s then naturally you’re going to check this out, long-time fans will already be familiar with his history with the Agents, but don’t go into this expecting his trademark baritone, soaring vocals and wailing guitar solos…you will be massively let down. [6]

Aside from a variety of remixes and instrumental reissues, the last time we heard new music from SCANDROID was 2017’s sophomore album “Monochrome”, which firmly established the more, retro-based aspects of Klayton’s creative spark. Despite a background in more industrial-based metal with an aggrotek attitude, found in early work such as CIRCLE OF DUST, Klayton has been embracing the bright lights and bold colours of the 80’s and now in 2018, we find him already revisiting Scandroid with the much anticipated follow up “The Darkness”.

The first of a two part concept album, “The Darkness” is a collection of six new tracks, exploring the darker aspects of Klayton’s psyche, manifested within this neo-futuristic post-retro style…with “The Light” coming out in 2019, this is very much a case of Yin and Yang; opposite forces and ideals coexisting symbiotically through music. Does the warm neon glow mask something sinister, or will a blinding luminescence guide you through the darkness itself? Let’s find out…

We begin with “Into The Darkness” which, as a brief intro piece really only sets us up for the crepuscular journey ahead…a simplistic piece of sullen synths and a deep, intimidating electronic pulse, gradually building until it transitions into first track proper “Phoenix” and what a shift in gear this is. Erupting out of your speakers with a crunching, classic metal riff entwined with the trademark synth hooks, this is a style more akin to CELLDWELLER and you can feel immediately that this is a different Scandroid. While conceptually the winged creatures are completely different, this very much makes me think of Rodan’s emergence in the recent trailer for “Godzilla: King Of The Monsters”, and given the tracks almost, 80’s bad-ass movie montage tone, (I mean, THAT solo) the two could coexist brilliantly; this is entertaining stuff

“The End Of Time” awaits us next and here we find a more traditionally presented Scrandroid track musically, with it’s upbeat, dance-inspired rhythm, pop-infused electronica and retro throwbacks…what’s interesting however is Klayton’s vocal delivery here. On one hand typically clean and melodic, but there are traces of something deeper…the course yet hushed vocal elements give this track more of a darkwave aesthetic and highlights the conceptual darkness intended. Recent single “Onyx” opens up with a semi “Stranger Things” vibe and though it initially has a more restrained tempo, it picks up for a more energetic second half. Essentially the title track to a degree, the idea of this black, shiny little gemstone offering the darkness and the light, as it’s lyrically name-dropped pushing the concept home and it’s delivered nicely, before we round things up with “Red Planet” and closing piece “Out Of The Darkness”. Continuing with the more darkwave inspired approach, we’re given two primarily instrumental pieces resuming this journey through the vacuum of space and time…the former with its aura of foreboding, while the latter acts a continuation of the intro, taking things full circle.

While there are more tracks on offer here, they come in the form of four remixes (The man does love a remix) and while VOLKOR X, 3FORCE and HEXENKRAFT do indeed inject some additional flavour into some of the tracks, they’re more like bonus tracks on a mini-album than actually being officially canon, neither truly enhancing or detracting from the albums overall original quality. The six new tracks here however do take the listener on an interesting adventure as Scandroid really has channelled more an underground, alternative club influence into his otherwise nostalgic brand of new-wave synth pop, but without straying too far from the projects core sound, and it’ll be interesting to see where he takes things on next year’s follow-up. Until then, embrace your inner Sith lord and feel the power of the darkness flow through you, for the mean time at least. [7]

Over the years many an artist, in rock ‘n’ roll especially, have used shock tactics or elaborate theatrics to help get themselves noticed. It’s all part of the image; the horror and excess that (Music aside) helps separate rock and metal from other genres. Many have succeeded throughout history…ALICE COOPER arguably helped start it all with his stage production going WAY back, you have the likes of ROB ZOMBIE bridging media formats by branching out into some intensely brutal horror movies…though today however we’re focusing not so much on artistic theatre, but, more of a macabre pantomime…yes we’re going to be looking at LORDI. Now instantly recognisable, their whole gimmick is based around the demonic monster costumes designed by front man Mr Lordi (Real name Tomi Petteri Putaansuu) but, despite being around for some time now, it wasn’t until that fateful and unforgettable night where they WON the Eurovision Song Contest for Finland back in 2006.

As unreal as that sounds, “Hard Rock Hallelujah” catapulted them into a mainstream audience, and their tongue-in-cheek style or horror metal has won them over a legion of fans, and they now have an impressive back catalogue of albums. Earlier this year they released their ninth; the wonderfully titled “Sexorcism”, supposedly their most controversial release to date…somebody better call Father Merrin, I think Jesus has done WAY more than fuck this lot…

We begin with the title track and it does open up like a cut from a horror movie score; really dramatic sounding and in preparation for a jump scare or intense fight between good and evil. The simple but ominous piano soon gives way though to some decent riffs and a surging hard-rock aesthetic and musically this is fine; it’s got a decent melodic hook for  a chorus too which, given, Mr Lordi’s honestly awful gravelled vocals, is quite impressive….it’s been produced really well up in Finnvox. This is far from a regular exorcism however (Is there even such a thing?) as he sings of FINGERING the demon out of her…steady on guys this isn’t the 19th century, you can’t be palming shit like this off like hysteria…did she even consent? This gimmick is backed up later by the interlude “Scg9: The Documented Phenomenon”, which essentially parodies THAT Exorcist scene with only slightly re-arranged verbiage. I really don’t know if this is a tribute or a parody…

The ridiculousness doesn’t stop there however as thematically following on from the title track we’re gifted with “The Beast Is Yet To Cum”...a nice play on words there Sir but if anything you’re promoting the fact that your own fingering skills are sub-par at best. Y’all motherfuckers need STEEL PANTHER and that’s one thing I thought I’d never say! In terms of musical highlights, it’s actually quite hard to separate any of the 13 tracks offered this time around. “Naked In My Cellar” has some more catchy synth elements and initially opens up like an early NIGHTWISH number before it delves into this rumbling, bass-heavy riff, and it’s about as clean as Mr Lordi’s vocals can probably get? It’s got a great pop chorus really…”Polterchrist” is another amusingly named track which starts off with some chilling female choir-esque vocals and more piano, before descending into a chugging, classic-metal type affair.

We eventually close out with “Sodomesticated Animal” which aside from its admittedly good name and a decent solo doesn’t inspire a great deal, while “Haunting Season” rounds things up with a generic symphonic metal effort. The trouble with this album is, everything seems to last forever, all of the songs, despite their comedic quirks, sadly drag a little and overstay their welcome to a degree. Less Lordi, more of a thick load quite frankly…a good release for Lordi perhaps like but, not something you want in your ears…the power of Christ compels you to NOT listen to this album. [4]

At the risk of stating the obvious, I’m quite partial to a review…yes I spend a fair amount of my time writing up these blog entries and contributing to the team over at All About The Rock, but a lot of my free time is spent watching YouTube reviewers too; guys like Anthony Fantano, AVGN, Brandon Tenold and more recently I’ve stumbled upon a guy named Decker Shado; the internet personality with the best hair. He, like most internet movie reviewers has gone through the “Alien” franchise and having watched these particular videos over the last day or so, it’s only ironic that this next review has ties to the movie itself…thematically at least, let me explain…

​Allow me to introduce to you a band by the name of SICK N’ BEAUTIFUL and to utilise some professional wrestling terminology here, they’re ALL about the kayfabe. Hailing from Acheron LV-426, a moon orbiting Calpamos, 39 Light Years from Earth, from which the USCSS Nostromo picked up a distress signal, before its crew got face-hugged the fuck out of in the aforementioned movie “Alien”. Or, if you prefer…Rome, they’re from Rome, Italy. The intergalactic 5-piece (Consisting of vocalist Herma, bassist Big Daddy Ray, drummer Evey plus guitarists Lobo and Rev C2) apparently “crash landed” in the Italian capital after their spaceship; the BFS9000 suffered engine failure on their travels and they’re a bit stuck, but as luck would have it they’re a space-age musical circus freak-show and request your generosity in funding the repair costs by checking out their brand new album “Element Of Sex”. Clearly not endorsed in any way by the Weyland-Yuntani group, let’s see if they deserve our hard earned dollar…

We open up with “Fire True” and immediately we’re met with a dramatic, string-inspired synth sequence, verging on symphonic really, before we’re thrust right into the crunch of some thick, throwback nu-metal riffs. The heavy intensity and subtle electronic elements musically places this somewhere in deep space between KORN and CANE HILL, add to that then a slick guitar solo and overall we’ve got a decent opener here. Recent single “Megalomaniacal” is up next and it brings the tempo with it too, mixing raw, punk qualities via Herma’s cacophonous vocals, with a classic hard rocking rhythm…also the “Mortal Kombat” inspired arcade game video that accompanies it is a bit bonkers to boot; all in all a fun track. “All Wanna Go To Heaven” then reaches an entirely different echelon as the albums clear stand-out track…the gradual build of seductive keys and simple percussion leading into cleaner vocals, capitalising on influences such as GARBAGE and NO DOUBT resulting in a perfectly catchy piece of pop music; the hooks and overall groove here will have you hitting repeat with no doubt ironically, this is superb.

The trouble with that is, the rest of the album can only go downhill, but it doesn’t go too far down it has to be said; “Hellawake” is another brilliant example of synth-pop combined with hard riffs and hushed ambiance for a solid, almost anthemic listen; layered incredibly well…”HeXxX (The Element Of Sex)” has a certain retro feel to it, partly channelling the likes of THE B52’S in tone giving it a fun, up-beat feel, while “Cryptid” utilises a pacey guitar driven approach, rich with gang vocals, melodies and subtle breakdowns for a well delivered ear-bashing, before closing track “C*mmunion” ends on a high note with more hooks and accessible pop-rock enjoyment. It’s not quite a perfect album over its ten tracks though sadly; “Slam!” despite being heavier and grittier musically plods along a touch too methodically, while “New Witch 666” undergoes a remix following its initial release in 2015…not the best of tracks to begin with, the revised cut gives it new life but it’s still weaker compared to what else is on offer. All in all however we have an undeniably strong album here and from start to finish these xenomorphs entertain on a number of levels. If we could just get Ash to sabotage the fuck out of their repair operation given his previous, maybe they’ll stick around a bit longer…because whilst sick they are indeed beautiful. [8]

There are certain situations in life where you just can’t win…for example, say…an argument with your wife…or there’s that saying about playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good you are at chess, the pigeon is just going to peck at the pieces, shit on the board and strut around like it’s won anyway. My point is sometimes it’s a case of why should we even bother and to try and elaborate I’m going to use BLACK VEIL BRIDES as an example. They formed in 2006 following the massive emo explosion but were always aiming for a heavier crowd, very much inspired by their love of KISS and MOTLEY CRUE (You’d never tell looking at them would you?) and in 2011 they made their big breakthrough with the album “Set The World On Fire”…with massive singles like “Fallen Angels” they put themselves on the map and were touted as the next big thing…but the trouble is that with endorsements like this, there is always backlash.

While the younger fans lapped them up, making front-man Andy Biersack a poster-boy in the process, many traditional metal fans labelled them as rip-off artists and posers (I remember a distinctly hostile reception at Download 2012) and thus, they became one of those Marmite bands. Fast forward a couple of years and after a couple more albums, they’ve toned down on the appearance ever so slightly and focussed on delivering a less glam-metal  inspired sound leading into their brand new record “Vale”…and here lies the problem…let’s check it out.

We open up with “Incipiens Ad Finem” or roughly “Starting At The End”…that was sudden, quickest review ever! I jest…but no it’s literally a 21 second intro that serves literally no purpose being its own “track”…Biersack rambles on about having found their stage, preaching to the legion of the black and it’s all very melodramatic, before the first proper track “The Last One” gets the album going. It’s a very underwhelming transition to be honest not sounding very natural at all but when it reaches its peak it’s BVB by numbers; gang vocals and a soaring chorus, even the solo sounds forced but really its nothing special at all. “Wake Up” is a decent little track in an annoyingly literal sense…it’s a decent up beat piece of melodic rock but at less than 3mins it may as well be an alarm clock ring tone, it’s over just as you’re getting into it which is frustrating.

I won’t be a complete villain…”My Vow” offers some much needed weight and we actually get some enjoyable riffs here, there’s much more attitude here and it’s more akin to the earlier work that made them and that’s welcome, though it’s annoyingly short yet again, while “The King Of Pain” has an infectious simplicity to it, soothingly plucked guitars and honey coated vocals with ample hooks provide a clear album highlight here. “Dead Man Walking” tries it’s best to utilise pop elements but it’s far too long, and the chorus is disappointingly weak and repetitive, and its here we hit the albums Achilles heel…the vast majority of “Vale” sadly sounds phoned in and it’s ironically summed up in “Ballad Of The Lonely Hearts”. There’s a lyric that goes “Here's to the lonely hearts and the ones that never change. Here's to the failed starts and the song remains the same” and you’d be forgiven for thinking Biersack was singing about this very album…there’s nothing here that truly leaps out at you as a statement, there’s nothing here that warrants BVB being as big as they are…and this is where I draw my analogy; the band can’t win. Glam metal and make up? Posers and scorned…a touch stripped back and more serious? They have absolutely no charisma whatsoever…the album is annoyingly flat and it really is a case of damned if they do, damned if they don’t. Ironically it was them that sang “Love Isn’t Always Fair” [5]

Just a couple of short weeks ago, I returned to Nottingham on what’s become a sort of annual Winter Goth pilgrimage…yes myself and my better half got the opportunity to visit Rock City to say our goodbyes to our favourite lads from Finland; HIM. Their “Bang And Whimper” farewell tour was announced out of the blue earlier this year and it was as you can expect, an emotional night in Nottingham, tears were shed, several were my own…and I’d like to take this opportunity to again express my gratitude for all the guys have done for both music and myself. As a unit they were one of a kind and in my opinion criminally underrated by many…we shall miss you greatly. However, as they say, when one door closes another opens and no gig would be complete without a support band and that’s why we’re here today.

Let me introduce you to BITERS…formed in Atlanta, Georgia, the four-piece (Consisting of lead vocalist Tuk, guitarist Matt, bassist Phillip and drummer Joey) joined HIM on four dates around the UK and in all honesty there were several complaints before the tour even began. You see when HIM performed their American dates, they were joined by CKY and to many this was the perfect line up, calling Americans lucky fuckers, and many dismissed Biters outright out of bitterness…but how they would eat humble pie when the tour came around. With a style deeply rooted in the hey-days of glam rock, they whipped up the crowd with a warm feeling of nostalgic rock ‘n’ roll and won the vast majority of people over. Impressed, I immediately looked them up and discovered they had released a new album this year; “The Future Ain’t What It Used To Be”…let’s check it out…

The album opens up with “Let It Roll” and quicker than you can slip into your skinny jeans we’re wriggling our hips to some good, old-fashioned rock ‘n’ roll charm. After a brief build-up of simple percussion and minimalist guitar work we’re thrust into an up-beat dose of classic rock, mixed with youthful vigour…in a weird way imagine STEEL PANTHER and BOWLING FOR SOUP had a child…it’s a fun start and sets the tone well. “Stone Cold Love” gives the listener a real feel for their influences as we’re teleported right back to the 70’s and the glam-rock stylistics of T-REX etc…it again plods along with a simplicity but the chorus is truly infectious and Tuk (AKA Noel Fielding) here truly channels his inner Marc Bolan for this one…the references to vinyl adding extra nostalgic value and it’s a wonderfully enjoyable little track.

“Don’t Turn This Good Heart Bad” is another of the albums stand-out tracks with its innocent pop-hooks and clap-along cheer, it really is a wonderful little love song and again channels all of that 70’s charm, likewise with “Chasin’ The Feeling”…a no nonsense swagger-fuelled dose of melodious rock ‘n’ roll rollicking…while album highlight “Vulture City” really hits the nail on the head with all of the aforementioned but with far more bite and attitude…this is infectious as fuck, reminiscent of VEINS OF JENNA and THE 69 EYES early garage days in ways…incredible stuff. There are naturally weaker moments as we can expect a lull on most records…”Gypsy Rose” again channels everything T-REX and sounds like something you’d hear on “Top Of The Pops 2” re-runs…”Hollywood” highlight’s an irony, speaking of longing to be on the infamous walk of fame…yet with over 2,600 stars on the boulevard, it’s value is diminished and the ballad here comes across as tongue-in-cheek, before “Goin’ Back To Georgia” closes proceedings with a clichéd acoustic led ballad type piece…a soppy, happy ending about heading home…a lighters in the air type track, it’s sickly sweet. For a band of this ilk to be signed to Earache Records, it’s surprising really but it’s no different to NICKELBACK being signed to Roadrunner…a great classic rock ‘n’ roll album this for a modern generation and they bridge the gap well…they went fishing on tour with HIM and we’re all biters at the end of the day, and I’m not ashamed to have been caught. [7]

The weather today is absolutely shit, it’s windier and wetter than a category 5 queef…so I’ve decided to uproot and head to Italy! I’m just kidding, there’s perfectly good pizza in my local kebab shop I’m not going anywhere, but today’s band however are indeed from “lo stivale”…let me introduce you to HELL IN THE CLUB. Formed in Alessandria back in 2009 and consisting of vocalist David Moras, bassist Andrea Buratto, guitarist Andrea Piccardi and drummer Marco Lanciotti, the four-piece have been living their dream of sex, drugs & rock ‘n’ roll over the past couple of years, and with a couple of records under their belt already they’ve accumulated a strong fan-base, with their sound taking influence from the glam-metal heyday’s of the 80’s…2017 sees them release their brand new album “See You On The Dark Side”…returning Jedi or are they rock’s Jar Jar Binks? Let’s find out…

The album opens up with lead single “We Are On Fire” and immediately we hear their glam-metal influence…there’s a level of swagger here akin to the likes of MOTLEY CRUE and HANOI ROCKS in places, coupled with the melodic hooks, the gang vocals, all the way down to the guitar solo, acting very much like a time capsule full of 80’s rock splendour and they fit a lot into this relatively brief opener, setting a good tone for the record going forward; a decent start. “The Phantom Punch” follows this up with little to no change in overall approach then other than slight tempo changes; there’s a more power-metal tone in the chorus with Moras properly belting this one out, more gang vocals and another solo round this one off and again, it’s decent…

The incredibly random “I Wanna Swing Like Peter Parker” is a peculiar one…while upbeat and lively for the most part, highlighting an apparent fondness of Marvel comics, it’s got this wonderful soft-jazz fill halfway through the track, it’s a cheeky play on words; half web-slinger, half FRANK SINATRA, literally swinging and I imagine this was in part inspired by THAT scene from Spiderman 3…bizarre. “A Melody, A Memory” starts off well enough with a rich, groove-laden riff sequence but as we switch into the chorus there’s this really awkward key-change that doesn’t sound right at all…it kills all the momentum gained leading into it, while it should really burst into life for a bold chorus we get an underwhelming transition…disappointing this, before we finish up on a stronger, consistent note. Album highlights like “The Misfit” utilise vibrant, catchy pop-rock qualities to deliver a light-hearted, fun listen, while “Withered In Venice” by contrast is a more mature rock ballad; dramatic and emotive…ultimately there’s enough here to entertain fans of that bygone glam-rock era but it isn’t over saturated in clichés to the point where it’s a mere tribute act…or even worse, STEEL PANTHER. Now if you’ll excuse me…I’m off to dance my way down the street looking like an absolute prat like Toby Maguire, despite the rain. [6]