Joe Strummer once famously sang that he'd fought the law, and the law won…well as it happens, today’s artist ALSO fought the law, quite regularly in fact, but decided enough was enough and ditched the court rooms in favour of clubs and venues. Let me introduce you to BENNY BASSETT; based in Chicago, Benny was in fact a lawyer for several years, before he decided to pack up his briefcase, cried objection at his own life, and set out on the road to become a musician. A bold move if ever there was one, as if there’s anything more cut throat than the judicial system, it’s the music industry, alas, Benny was not put off and over the past three years he’s spent his time travelling thousands of miles up and down America, playing over 450+ shows, adding new chapters to his life story. This April, Benny releases his brand new EP entitled “Words For Yesterday”…a reflective collection of songs to summarise his life to date. He emailed me recently and asked me to check it out, so let’s do just that.

​The EP opens up with “Window To Forever” and for the most part it’s a sombre, calming indie-pop ballad. An acoustic-led track, it’s charming as it speaks of an uncertainty; not knowing what the future holds but reminding you that, you need to take the chance sometimes. Mistakes can be made for sure, but you need to grow and take risks. The chorus is more up-tempo but the track overall is soothing and it’s a pleasant little track. “Live Where You Love The Sky” follows up and it’s another soft ballad but carries with it more of a subtle country tone. A song of optimism and following his own self-reflective journey; it encourages you to appreciate life for everything it is and do what makes you happy, embrace the selflessness of contentment and be grateful for all you have, so long as you follow your heart.  A philosophical piece as Benny really does practice what he preaches, with the song coming off as very autobiographical, but the hope and belief in his words is enthusing.

Benny isn’t a complete softie however, as proven on “Down Below”…swapping the acoustics for a grittier dose of harder, blues-based rock, there’s a sharper edge here musically but it’s still got a rich vocal harmony and a solid groove. It’s a welcome change as it provides a clear EP highlight, allowing for more swagger and attitude and no doubt this is a stand-out track in his live shows, entertaining stuff this. “Find A Way” switches things up immediately with a bassy, funk-driven piece with retro organs / synths layered throughout the track and it’s quite soulful in its own right, with a brief though enjoyable solo to boot, before the closing tracks sort of taper off with sadly less interest. “Building A Future” is arguably the EP’s weakest offering…the wood-block style synths carry another sickly sweet indie-pop piece but it does descend into a sense of repetition over the chorus, before “From You” closes the EP with another hushed piano ballad.

Overall Benny has proven himself to be a decent song-writer as his lyrical delivery carries you along the EP pretty effortlessly…the melodies flow well and he conveys his story with a softness that absorbs you into each song, resulting in a generally easy, laid back listen. A solid collection of pop songs overall though truth be told a couple more tracks like “Down Below” in future wouldn’t go amiss, sometimes you just need something to move to, but really speaking it’s a fine EP indeed. He’s still brave for quitting his day job to do this, especially such a well-paid and stable one, but he has both a commitment and an ability to make this work, and his debut album should be an interesting listen. Words for yesterday maybe…but more importantly; words to watch out for tomorrow... [6]

It only seems like yesterday when we were talking about WEEZER, and quite frankly that’s because it may as bloody well have been! Yes back in January, less than two months ago, Los Angeles emo / post-rockers Weezer dropped a surprise self-titled covers album dubbed the “Teal Album”, given its cover art. A fine a medley of covers it turned out to be, that included everything from TOTO to TLC, but it was all filler, merely biding time for what would be announced as their SIXTH self-titled album, dubbed the “Black Album”, which was released at the beginning of March.

Having six self-titled albums is bold and ambitious for any artist, not even KORN can compete with that! But, let’s break it down…going as far back as 1994 we’ve gone through everything from blue, to green, red, white, teal and now black…either Rivers Cuomo is trying to assemble his own league of fucking Power Rangers or he’s been on the Skittles again! Fuck the rainbow Rivers, focus on the music! I digress…with this, the “Black Album”, have they gone heavier; darker? Have they channelled their inner METALLICA to let rip and deliver an album soaked in the maelstrom of metal misery? Well the answer is, not quite…let me explain…

Opening track “Can’t Stop The Hustle” has an almost Hispanic tone to it combined with brass elements and an almost 70’s funk charm, and it speaks of a general down to Earth, working class lifestyle…lyrics about managers slacking, selling lemonade, higher education and avoiding drugs; it’s a bit of a jab at the idea of the modern celebrity and the idea of instant fame and success. It’s all about the work ethic which is something Weezer have put in for nearly 30 years now, never compromising, always true to themselves…admirable in context but it’s a somewhat flat opener musically. “Zombie Bastards” follows up and sonically it’s a bit of an oxymoron as there’s nothing threatening about this at all. Amidst it’s jovial indie-pop tones it speaks of society and normality; everyone conditioned to a certain way of life, a bland existence if you will and the song challenges the idea of that; suggesting you dig a little deeper, there’s more to life than this, there’s more to life than being a brainwashed zombie, and it’s both a dig AND encouraging.

Elsewhere the album more or less maintains a calm, easy listening vibe over the remaining eight tracks…”High As A Kite” takes on a soft, JOHN LENNON / THE BEATLES vibe, and it’s touching as it mentions drifting off like lost balloons, flying like a beautiful bird over a piano led ballad; the idea of freedom and escaping society and the pressures of everyday life; it’s a sweet song backed by a sweeter Mr Rogers inspired video. Album highlight’s “I’m Just Being Honest” and “Too Many Thoughts In My Head” stand out with their up-beat delivery…the former again utilising infectious indie-pop tones and a simple hook, while the latter is again, up-beat and makes the most of Rivers impressive high notes, in places coming across not too unlike BRONSKI BEAT toward the tracks climax, if only briefly. While not intense, the track ends in an enjoyable crescendo and it’s a pleasant listen overall.

The remainder of the record as I said more or less delivers in a similar fashion…”Piece Of Cake” is pretty straight forward with it’s sweet, laid back delivery, “The Prince Who Wanted Everything” does undertake a more 70’s inspired glam-rock aesthetic not unlike T-REX for example, before closing track “California Snow” runs the clock down with some primarily lethargic and repetitive soft rock. Ultimately I think that this album is a bit of a rib on today’s market and industry generally…the very idea of a ‘Black Album’ conjures up the idea of heaviness, as I mentioned Metallica previously, we’re inclined to think that way; we expect a darkness, a deep resonance accompanying the weight of the music, but Weezer here have trolled us all as it’s one of the softest sounding albums they could have delivered. The song writing and story-telling has clear depth, but we were expecting something much meatier, and the band KNEW this. I’m not knocking it for its lack of heaviness, or grit, but credit to Weezer they played me here and still managed to make me bob my head to the majority of this album. IS IT as good as the covers album from January? No, because of the quality choice of songs they covered, but this is a decent little happy-go-lucky record. Still after all these years you really can’t knock Weezer’s hustle…[5]

Finnish music it would seem, is undergoing a little bit of a renaissance…just last year we saw the revival (And what a revival it was too!) of original 80’s Goth-rockers MUSTA PARAATI thanks to Jyrki Linannkivi of THE 69 EYES, who helped them rock ‘n’ roll-back the years to deliver some sorely missed traditional post-punk, but this year we’re going back even further. Back in the late 70’s a group of musicians who would be simply known as the AGENTS began their highly collaborative career, acting as a backing band for several successful Finnish artists, and though while consistent throughout this time, having released a plethora of recorded LP’s, they’ve never really had the spotlight on them outside of their home country…until now.

VILLE VALO needs no introduction; the former HIM front-man is one of the most iconic performers in modern alternative music and since HIM disbanded, I guess you could say he’s been a…free agent? Cue the collaboration! But it wouldn’t be the first time, oh no…HIM fans will be aware that back in the late 90’s before the love-metal maestro’s hit the big time, Valo had already performed with Agents a handful of times on Finnish TV…but now, twenty years later, we find them together again as Valo’s career comes full circle as they release their self-titled album “Ville Valo & Agents”. To paraphrase CHER…do you believe in life after love metal? Let’s check it out…

The album opens up with “Kirstinkulma” and what we have really is an elongated intro track; purely instrumental here, it showcases the bands original style and tone with the stripped-back surf rock and blues-pop influences…with a subtle ROY ORBISON inspired sound in places. It’s very easy-listening and really quite sweet sonically. The first track proper then is the first of a couple of revisited tracks for Valo by the name of “Ikkunaprinsessa”, which essentially means ‘The princess in the window’. Not to be mistaken with anything you might find in the window of his dad’s Helsinki sex shop, it’s a romantic little tale about someone who sets their eyes on a model in a shop window and falls in love. A simple story but it’s got such a jovial tone to it, with Valo here sounding smooth as ever. Singing in his native tongue, he makes Finnish as much an art from as a language. “Paratiisi” is another which means ‘Paradise’ and it’s got soft, Mediterranean elements to the guitar here and both tracks sound vibrant; the fresh recording quality has done them justice.

It’s worth pointing out here that the bulk of this record comes in the form of re-recordings, with Valo putting his spin on tracks originally performed when the Agents were collaborating with RAULI SOMERJOKI, a Finnish songwriter who passed away in 1987, with “Kuihtuu Kesäinen Maa” being a great tribute for example. An incredibly mellow track, Valo allows his dulcet tones to weave their way around the song, bordering on the point of becoming a lullaby was it not for the instrumentation. There’s a sense of clarity to him that he was lacking on the last HIM record and he seems audibly more relaxed, healthier even. There are two English language tracks presented by the way of “Rockin’ With Enzio” and “I Told You So”…neither of which have Valo on vocals. The former houses a subtle 70’s glam-rock tone musically, which may appeal to fans of say, T-REX, while the latter harbours a more country-based blues aesthetic; both of which equally refreshing on the ears from a musical and linguistic point.

To be quite frank, this is more of a project than a new band or, real fresh start for Valo post-HIM…a little like his solo single “Olet Mun Kaikuluotain”, he just fancied a change. The songs have been rerecorded and produced well, and Valo’s hushed vocal harmonies are tailor made for Agents musical style, they complement each other wonderfully.  If any HIM fans were hoping for something more like the guys have done in FLAT EARTH then they’ll be disappointed, the whole idea was for Valo to step AWAY from the noise and the heaviness that came with being in HIM; he’s exploring new avenues creatively and allowing himself the freedom to do so. Sure the Finnish itself might put some people off too, but it really isn’t aimed at the same demographic of Heartagram enthusiasts he’s been used to for the past twenty five years. If you’re a fan of Valo’s then naturally you’re going to check this out, long-time fans will already be familiar with his history with the Agents, but don’t go into this expecting his trademark baritone, soaring vocals and wailing guitar solos…you will be massively let down. [6]

It’s been a long time since we’ve heard from Canadian pop princess AVRIL LAVIGNE…not since her 2013 self-titled album in fact, but there is a legitimate reason. Following the release of the album, Avril was diagnosed with Lyme disease; a bacterial infection that if untreated can lead to severe joint pain and swelling, loss of feeling and movement, heart murmurs and palpitations, and memory loss. On top of that, in 2015 she separated from second husband Chad Kroeger, only adding to her personal struggles and overall wellbeing…

There became a point where she openly admits she accepted death…but she found salvation in music and coped the best way she knew how; to play through the pain. Having spent the past six years going through treatment and recovery, and finding hope and salvation in her music, she makes her long-awaited return in 2019 with her brand new album “Head Above Water”…let’s give it a listen and check out the very songs that kept her afloat.

The album opens up with the title track, and the song that got this album off of the ground to begin with. A song of hope, pleading and determination as she sings of fighting off this illness; acknowledging her own mortality but defiant in its face…the idea of drowning here being used to describe her struggles and solitude, and as the sombre piano and subtle orchestral elements wash over you, it’s incredibly moving and deeply personal. A solid pop ballad this and a decent start in all fairness. “Birdie” follows up and here we hear her sing of a caged bird allowed the opportunity of freedom; metaphorically very soul-searching as she hints at personal growth and development, moving onwards and upwards in life, towards new horizons, like a bird free in the wind. Musically subdued but it’s her vocals that carry the track with their impassioned delivery.

Here though is when the album takes, for want of a better word, a bit of a dip…”I Fell In Love With The Devil” can’t help but make me think of poor Chad Kroeger…Avril here pulling off the ultimate Nickelback trolling. I digress, it incorporates more orchestral elements through some morose strings, but the opening line of ‘Shotguns and roses’ makes me think ONE of them had been watching Terminator 2 and that sounds like one hella messy divorce. “Dumb Blonde” treats us to a collaboration with NICKI MINAJ of all people…denouncing the idea that they are some, stupid Barbie dolls and that they’ll prove us all wrong, but musically this is SUCH an immature sounding, cheesy pop track. While meant to be empowering and defiant it’s got such an adolescent sound compared to the rest of the record and it cannot be taken seriously. “Hello Kitty” is a better track…let that sink in.

“Goddess” and “Bigger Wow” lyrically make you do a double take in places and really it’s cringe-worthy. On the former we learn of how Avril is treated like a Goddess, because some unknown person finds her sexy in her pyjamas…even suggesting he goes banana’s over her; banana’s and pyjama’s in an Avril Lavigne song in 2019…the latter? Well the latter really stretches her vocabulary…check this out “I just wanna bigger wow, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bigger na-na-na…”, my brain just fucking exploded! “Warrior” may end the album on an emotive note with ample vocal harmony but, it’s too little too late.

Avril over the course of her last couple of albums has tried her best to shake her initial pop-punk skater chick image, and for the most part this IS a much more mature album it has to be said, HOWEVER…the ballad approach wears thin over time. Yes this is a massive victory for Avril personally as she’s been through A LOT recently, hell I applaud her…but it doesn’t give boring songs a pass. When she DOES try and liven things up, the energy is wasted on frankly childish tracks and ideas, really doing herself no favours. Am I glad she recovered and that she’s fit and healthy, making music again? Of course I am…am I glad THIS was the comeback album? No…no I’m not, it’s annoyingly disappointing overall. I was hoping for something…how can I put it? Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-better. [3]

'My Wreckord Collection' is becoming an interesting little feature...we've gone from an underground death metal masterclass, to lashings of thrash and now...in our third installment, we're going for something totally different yet again. Today we're going to be putting the spotlight on Mike Cummings of West Chester Pennsylvania stoner rockers BACKWOODS PAYBACK, who last year released their newest album "Future Slum", to find out what it is about NEIL YOUNG he loves so much...

“I sat down to write a bit about my record collection but, it seemed a bit overwhelming at the time. So many records, so many artists, so many genres; so many formats! I decided to hone in on the one artist that may have influenced me the most and that, would be NEIL YOUNG. I was turned onto “Harvest” before I was 10 years old; it was one of my mom’s favourite records and in constant rotation at the house growing up. Something about the fragility of his voice made me stop whatever I was doing whenever it came across the speakers. Then getting older and understanding the words he was singing, I realized just how powerful that soft voice actually was. As I got older and started digging through crates for my own record collection I was blown away by the sheer VOLUME of records Neil Young had (And continues to) put out. A folk record, a psych record, a “punk” record, a noise record, a synth record…he never stops! And when you think you caught up to him, he is already onto the next sound. It’s inspiring, it’s refreshing, and at times it’s FRUSTRATING (Which is a good thing in my opinion!).”

“I have managed to find just about his entire catalogue on vinyl through the years. Some get listened to more than others…some have only been spun once. Some (The ditch trilogy of “Time Fades Away”, “On The Beach” and “Tonight’s The Night”) get played weekly at the house. These records shaped who I am. They make me feel strong, they make me feel small. They guide me through tough times and they sing with me in happier ones. I am not sure who or even what I would be, had I not heard THAT voice all those years ago, coming through my mom’s little turntable stereo in the living room…”

ps…

“When it comes to embarrassing records, I don’t think I have one. Sure there’s a TON of stuff I dig on that a LOT of people think is goofy (IE: SUGAR RAY  - “Lemonade and Brownies”!) but I am not ashamed of any of them. I think they make us who we are. EMBRACE THE AWKWARD!”

Anniversaries…usually happy times shared by couples as they grow old together, celebrating their love and commitment to one another…sometimes they can be nostalgic or, historic; marking so-many years since an incident or an event…though other times they can be painful; tainted with sad memories and tearful reminders, and I’m afraid in this instance we’re referring to the latter. Yes it’s nearly been a year now since Ville Valo and HIM went out with a bang and a whimper on their, admittedly rushed, 2017 farewell tour… a whole year of knowing that the Heartagram had beaten for the last time, buried alive by its own love, and it’s a truly sad fact. However…even the most melancholic gothic-laced grey clouds have silver linings, and in this instance, after a metaphorical mass funeral of hearts, in HIM’s absence we’ve got some new projects from our favourite Finn’s! Let me introduce you to FLAT EARTH…

A Finnish super-group of sorts…HIM’s six-string maestro Linde Lindstrom and former drummer Gas Lipstick make up 50% of the band, while it’s completed by former AMORPHIS bassist Niclas Etelavuori and POLANSKI vocalist Anthony Pikkarainen, and together, over the past several months they have stripped everything back, wiped the slate clean and written a no-nonsense, no frills, no gimmicks hard rock album by the name of “None For One”. The question is, is their musical prowess better than their apparent grasp of basic geology? Let’s find out…

We open up with “Subhuman” and ironically, it’s what you’d suggest someone who DOES believe that the Earth is flat would be in terms of mental capacity…slightly sluggish in tone for the most part, it comprises of slower riffs and percussion, combining a classic rock tone with just a touch of blues metal, although there’s an incredibly subtle middle-eastern feel to some of the more melodic guitar notes. Pretty straightforward stuff but it’s a fine start nevertheless. “Blame” follows up and here we find Anthony leading the musical direction more with a primarily 90’s grunge-inspired piece, backed with Linde’s distinctive string-work…the solo here is classic Linde, his fret-work is on point and you remember here how underrated a guitarist he really is.

This combination of styles is, for the most part the very foundation of this album as a whole…the back-to-basics, guitar heavy instrumentation being the very backbone of their sound while vocally we hark back to a simpler time; clean but with a certain raw emotion and in ways, at numerous points throughout this record you get a sense of ALICE IN CHAINS meets THE SMASHING PUMPKINS, really embracing those 90’s characteristics. The title track is a wonderful example, highlighting the above point really quite well…”Noble Swine” has some intense percussion and oh how we’ve missed Gas behind a drum kit, he can really drive a track and here he does just that…also baring a light resemblance to Linde’s other work with DANIEL LIONEYE in tone, before album highlight “Limelight” carries you away with a genuinely catchy little harmonic chorus and a simplistic groove. The rest of the album is generally run of the mill hard rock but as I said, that’s the aesthetic they’ve gone for; nothing fancy or over the top…just some good honest rock, which is fine. Admittedly it CAN feel a little lethargic at times, and if anything is to blame for that it IS Anthony’s vocals…maybe it’s just because I’m not too used to them and, to some extent can’t quite yet fully separate this from HIM, but he’s no Ville Valo. I know that’s the point to a degree, but this album DOES lack in belters and could do with a shot of adrenaline really. He’s got the emotion, but lacks in power. Overall the Earth here isn’t entirely flat, but it’s only just slightly concaved…they need a little more depth next time around. [5]

​GIRL! I WANT TO TAKE YOU TO A GAY BAR! Well, to be honest, actually I don’t, BUT, I DO however want to take you on a journey, to remind you about one of the most underrated, hardest working bands on the planet; ELECTRIC SIX. I preach this practically every year, and that’s simply because, whether you’re aware of it or not, Electric Six have practically released a new album EVERY FUCKING YEAR since “Fire”, and frankly not enough people take notice!

People may naturally assume that, to be so prolific creatively, to produce a full album a year and complete all their touring commitments, it really must be a case of quantity over quality? And sure over the years, the band have dropped a lot of their overtly blatant ridiculousness, but having spoken to front man Dick Valentine, it’s interesting to learn that, despite him being very much the face and voice of the band, it’s very much a group effort. Each member of the band in fact writes three or four songs for each album cycle, resulting in a lot of time being saved and more importantly, a rich tapestry of differing styles and influences shaping each and every record. With that in mind, we’re about to delve into album number FOURTEEN; “Bride Of The Devil”…let’s get hitched…

With Dick’s typically dry-humour we open up with “The Opener” and I do like it when things get to the point it has to be said…with its subtle distortion and sludgy riffs, accompanied by plenty of vocal wails, plus Dick favouring his gritty, higher pitched delivery here, almost channelling an AC/DC-esque style, it’s an intense but enjoyable start. This actually carries through the first half of the album with some truly solid cuts from E6, keeping momentum going at a steady but satisfying pace…tracks like “You’re Toast” musically slowing things down for the most part, opting for a semi-blues rock offering, with Dick’s vocals full of piss and vinegar, to a degree akin to something CLUTCH might produce, which is always a good thing, while “(It Gets A Little) Jumpy” is a quaint little acoustic number, full of smooth melody and Summery hooks; it really is a lovely little track.

The second half of the album however….sadly; doesn’t match the same quality. It exceeds it! It honestly just gets stronger as it goes on and seriously, the band is on top form here…”Hades Ladies” saunters in with its gravelly rock ‘n’ roll vibe and deep groove; full of swagger and confidence…the title track utilises more of a simplistic synth-based hook layered within some classic rock influences, especially the brief solo which would easily please fans of THE DARKNESS for example, before album highlight “Witches Burning” delivers some classic E6 with its bluesy guitar licks and quality riff-work with an anthemic chorus…this is quality.

The album DOES drop the ball slightly with its closing track “The Worm In The Wood” as the sudden drop in tempo isn’t so much of a come-down as a let-down, with the latter half of the album getting you pumped up, hoping for an explosive climax. The tinny almost tropical guitar’s giving off an almost CHRIS ISAAK vibe which is nice, don’t get me wrong, but it can’t help but feel ever so slightly anti-climactic. Overall however that’s a minor annoyance that doesn’t take away from what is admittedly a superb album…fourteen albums in and Electric Six are still as consistent and reliable as ever, on this instance maybe even more so, as it’s one of their strongest collection of songs in a few years now…if I may paraphrase the great BILLY IDOL…it’s a nice day for a white wedding; it’s a nice day to, start listening to Electric Six again. [8]

Beige; such a vibrant colour…it’s got so much depth and character, it’s such an interesting and thought-provoking colour…said absolutely NO ONE ever. Beige is usually only found in the unused dust covered section of the B&Q paint chart, or in the mug-shots of Burberry-clad young offenders, but more often than not it’s used descriptively as a negative, aimed at only the blandest, most unexciting things you can think of…and this is where today’s band comes in; let me introduce you to a band called SCRATCH.

Yep, that’s right, Scratch…just Scratch, what an utterly unimaginative name…people mock HIM but at least that’s representative of the occult, but Scratch? I mean, scratch what? My arse? I dread to think of the names you thought WEREN’T good enough! Anyway we’ve only just scratched the surface…see what I did there? THAT’S ABOUT AS GOOD A USE FOR YOUR NAME AS ANY! PUNS! I digress…the band consists of members Ruzbeh Irani and Avinash Lalwani, (Ruz and Avi for short) and not only are they band mates, but childhood friends, yet what DOES make things interesting, is the fact they live thousands of miles apart, in New York and Perth, Australia respectively! This however, is literally all the info we’re given…you may think they were keeping the initial email brief, but no! I’ve checked their Facebook profile AND their actual website and that’s ALL the information! Even their bio is beige! It’s like they aren’t even trying! I’m losing interest already, but, it IS their debut EP so I’ll put it down to inexperience…what’s the EP called…”Scratch”…it’s self-titled…DAMNIT ARE YOU THAT PROUD OF THAT NAME!?!?! Let’s check it out before I burst a blood vessel…

We open up with “Soak” (I'm surprised it wasn't "Sniff") and initially it’s as though we’re heading into country blues-rock territory, but it quickly erupts with a grandiose post-rock dose of tinny guitar and percussion…the vocals are interesting in the sense that, while initially weak, they are belted out in the chorus, giving the track multiple personalities. The pitch of the backing vocals in places however is excruciating, and over its five minutes it crams in a fair amount of style, simultaneously sounding like it’s lost somewhere between U2, RADIOHEAD the PSYCHEDELIC FURS, there’s a very alternative 90’s vibe to this. “Newer Things” follows up and continues the soft vocal delivery over some light indie tones, before again cranking it up for the chorus, allowing for more vigour and general energy from the instrumentation with a slightly more distorted guitar sound, it’s quite 50/50 really.

Next up we have “I Don’t Mind” and they’re happy to point out that it’s the first song they wrote as a band and that it’s one of their favourites…carrying forward the initial soft country blues tone to the guitar, coupled with the mellow vocals, it’s got that saloon vibe to it…you can picture the montage right now; the lone outlaw slowly strolling into town at dawn, drinking liquor and smoking cigars…the subtle attitude of the electric guitar creating an aura of suspense and this is easily the best track on the EP right here, before we finish up on “The Key”.  A slow, methodical and utterly lifeless track that just drones on pointlessly with a repetitive riff and a grating, brassy guitar tone, seriously it’s so drowsy…that is until the intense almost punk-rock flurry of the chorus, but sadly these elements don’t complement each other, oh no, this song just feels broken…descending into a barrage of noise at the tracks climax. Was the key in question referring to the intake of cocaine? Because this song literally sounds like they did a studio take of before and after sniffing…ultimately Scratch sound like a band with a multitude of influences, but they’ve yet to settle on an idea as to what they want their sound to be…this sounds very trial and error. Truthfully they’d make a genuinely decent shoegaze based, blues country outfit should they keep things mellow and melodic, but the jarring rock instrumentation and rough vocals don’t benefit them at all. I guess you could say that, they should…start from scratch, which reminds me…FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKS SAKE CHANGE YOUR NAME! [3]

In the past I’ve touched upon how some professional wrestlers or, WWE Superstars, embark on musical careers outside of the squared circle; we can all agree that Chris Jericho is doing remarkably well with FOZZY (In all fairness Chris Jericho does remarkably well at everything he’s the motherfucking GOAT), while Jeff Hardy prefers the underground artistic freedom of expression with his band PEROXWHY?GEN (The presentation of that word still makes me feel like I’ve been driven through a Spanish announce table). However it’s rare when you can say that the WWE have fully invested in a character within kayfabe, to the point that they personally back a musical project to further strengthen a gimmick on screen. John Cena was given this treatment when he dropped his hip-hop album “You Can’t See Me” back in 2005 but, he was THE man, he was the one getting the push so it was to be expected…so it speaks volumes for how the company see’s ELIAS in 2018.

Elias (Real name Jeffrey Scuillo) has been part of WWE since joining NXT in 2014 and over the past couple of years has been developing his ‘drifter’ character, slowly but surely moving up to his current position on the Raw roster. More famed for his promo segments than his in-ring accomplishments, he can always be found with his guitar in hand attempting to sing to the crowd in each city visited, often in a degrading manner with a heel persona, before usually being interrupted by other superstars. The trouble is, despite being a heel in theory, his character and dry, sarcastic humour have won over the vast majority of the audience and he’s more often than not cheered, with the crowd fully aware that WWE now stands for ‘Walk With Elias’…in fact, he’s gotten so over, that WWE have backed him to the extent that they’ve allowed him to record a genuine EP, so with that… silence your cellphones, hold your applause and shut your mouths as we “Walk With Elias”…

The EP opens up with the elegantly titled “The Ballad Of Every Town I’ve Ever Been To” and it’s this track that’s essentially the foundation of Elias’ character on screen. A play on old songs such as “I’ve Been Everywhere” by GEOFF MACK made famous by LUCKY STARR, also later JOHNNY CASH, it highlight’s every town he’s had the misfortune of performing in, twisting the style to fit his heelish persona, but retaining the old acoustic, country charm. Rich in both melody and melancholy, all the while mocking each town, it makes for some classic cheap heat; wonderfully delivered. “Elias’ Words” utilises a similar approach with the country-blues inspired feel, really paying homage to the original southern style with his spoken word lyrical delivery, heavy on smarmy self-importance and portraying his character brilliantly.

“Nothing I Can’t Do” switches things up with a sombre piano ballad showcasing he’s far from a one-trick pony and has more moves than John Cena…lyrically self-aware, he displays a subtle arrogance to further that heel heat as he sings that he wrote this song on a piano, just to show you that he could, because he’s better than you, there is literally nothing he can’t do and with the exception of only tone, it’s a great comedy song, before closing track “Walk With Me” returns to the acoustic, blues style complete with husky drawl and emotive guitar solo channelling the likes of Orbison and Clapton. As far as anticipated releases go it’s safe to say that, this isn’t up there on the list, but for fans of WWE and Elias especially this is a great addition for collectors and also a superb extension of Elias’ character…it’s not ground-breaking musically but it does its job perfectly and credit to Elias’ and WWE especially for making this happen, such is their faith in him with the product. Forget walking with Elias, WWE have taken the gimmick and ran with it and it’s paying off, you just wish he was mocking your town too. [6]

That awkward moment when your girl asks you over for ‘Netflix & Chill’ but the Netflix is so good that the chill doesn’t happen…this, my friends, is what happens when you discover “Stranger Things”. Only two seasons strong, the Netflix original has garnered one of the strongest cult followings in recent TV history with its throwback 80’s tones and quaint sense of pop-culture nostalgia, combining sci-fi and low-key horror with classic teen-flick vibes, all wrapped up in homage to the likes of Stephen King. One of its main strengths is it’s incredible young cast and today we’re going to be focusing on one in particular; Finn Wolfhard. Now still only 15 years old the Canadian has shown some incredibly impressive acting chops not only with his drama and emotional skills in Stranger Things, but also in the remake of the aforementioned Stephen King’s “IT”, where he got to embrace a more comedic role and pulled it off brilliantly.

This isn’t Cinemassacre however and  we’re not here to review movies, but luckily Finn is a young lad of many talents and it’s here I’m going to point you in the direction of a band by the name of CALPURNIA, which he somehow finds the time for between film and TV! Founded in Vancouver just last year by Finn (Who’s on guitar and vocals) plus drummer Malcolm Craig, the band is completed by guitarist / vocalist Ayla Tesler-Mabe and bassist Jack Anderson, and they have already released a debut EP of original content entitled “Scout”. The question is, at their young age, do we find ourselves with another HANSON or heaven forbid, AARON CARTER? Let’s find out…

The EP opens up with a track called “Louie” and to my surprise we’ve got this restrained, stripped back, blues country type piece, but it also utilises a subtle, almost Caribbean tone; rich in its tinny-guitar and lulling ambiance. It’s an unexpectedly mature sound (Unless it’s been inspired by Spongebob) and nowhere near the energetic, colourful indie-pop I was expecting. The rawness of the track is hammered home by Finn’s vocals which here sound their weakest from a production perspective, but it only adds to the tracks character, really embracing the original feel for minimalist bluegrass. “Wasting Time” maintains the overall tone musically but here we have a little more of that energy I expected, embracing more of an early rock ‘n’ roll feel and it’s got a genuinely solid guitar solo to boot; this is much better.

“Greyhound” is a twee, melodic, up-beat track that’s disguising a certain sadness, as the story finds our character following a break up, travelling to a show alone after buying two tickets, you can feel his disappointment…the accompanying video too has a simple but effective message portraying everyone in life has a different path, but it’s all about the journey in the end as life always tends to work out eventually. Lead single “City Boy” returns to that raw, bluesy tone but has a simple but enjoyable chorus with gang vocals and happy-go-lucky vibe. “Blame” and “Waves” then round off the EP with a quirky, up-tempo indie piece and a more, relaxed, shoegaze inspired track respectively; the latter allowing Ayla to take a more prominent role vocally. Ultimately as I said previously the sound they’ve gone for is far more mature than what could have been expected and I don’t mean that with any sense of detriment…there’s zero sign of any commercial manufacturing here and it shows it’s not just a PR ploy to make Finn even more famous, this is about a BAND, not just Finn and that needs to be highlighted. They’ve written this EP the way THEY wanted it, and while it’s a little rough around the edges, if it’s something they want to stick at, working around Finn’s acting schedule, they have all the genuine potential to be a solid blues rock band; the talent is already there it just needs a little fine tuning. Let’s just hope Finn’s not eaten by a Demogorgon or some shit in Stranger Things season 3, or this project might find itself upside down too. [5]

Word of mouth can be a powerful tool (Crying ‘rape’ being a prime example) and it used to be the backbone of the alternative music community if you will…long before the days of the internet, you’ve heard of how rock and metal fans would have to swap mix tapes and records etc. to keep up to date with what was happening in music, relying on your good friend or source to learn who was up and coming, who was the next big thing, who just dropped a sick EP…well those days may seem like a distant memory, but word of mouth can still introduce you to some wonderful people. Take today’s band for instance; SECOND SELF.

The Cheltenham based 4-piece (Consisting of vocalist Simon Bond, guitarist Janek Davies, bassist Barny Barnfield and drummer Pablo Rodriguez) got in touch with me personally after mutual friend and 50 BELOW PROMOTIONS booker Robert Tite (He puts on some sweet gigs and I wholeheartedly encourage you to go check them out) suggested me, as they were looking for reviews. They’re preparing to release their debut self-titled EP and have kindly asked me to give it a listen…full of second self-worth or should they have second-guessed my handling of it all? Let’s find out…

The EP opens up with “Never Coming Home” and it combines a certain nostalgic, classic hard-rock approach with underlying funk-inspired qualities…it’s all about the simple groove here as the bass carries this track forward, coupled with Bond’s emotive vocal display…this sounds like they’ve taken parts of INCUBUS and merged them with the likes of IN SEARCH OF SUN for a truly bluesy opener; it’s a decent start. “Stepping Stones” goes for a similar approach in ways but it does utilise more consistent guitar melody, so while keeping in theme with the track previous we also get throwbacks to artists such as IDLEWILD from that early 2000’s post-indie scene; clean vocals and hooks but not afraid to throw a riff down where needed.

The opening to “Falling Backwards” has a more subdued feel with the relaxed drum-fill and the bubbly guitar tone, before it delves into this, angst-ridden blend of early emo and post-hardcore…a bold vocal display coupled with some passionate instrumentation allows for an enjoyable, emotional jaunt, before closing track “Eat Your Horse” goes all Tesco ready meal on your ass. Arguably the weakest track on offer, it’s here you notice most that it’s the band’s debut recording and production isn’t 100%, there are a few rough patches which will naturally improve with time but here you can feel the scruffy, demo-quality if you will…ultimately however for a first offering you can clearly hear that there’s promise here from the quartet. With just a bit of polishing you potentially have a solid blues-based hard rock unit in Second Self as instrumentally they’re on the right path, and the vocals will only improve with confidence and experience, once they’ve found their groove by the next record fingers crossed. Second Self? Maybe a case of first the worst, second the best as they say… [5]

When it comes to bands succeeding from day one, there are few in recent times who can honestly say they have hit the ground running as hard as FLORENCE + THE MACHINE…the London-born group fronted by Florence Welch dropped their debut “Lungs” back in 2009 and really haven’t looked back since. Multi-platinum sales, Brit Awards, Mercury Prize nominations…and that was just the debut! This form continued as both follow-up records “Ceremonials” and “How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful” each respectively gave Florence a hat-trick of Number 1 albums and the accolades kept coming…however the style was slowly but surely changing and they were in time becoming more refined…and this leads us to 2018 where Florence released album number four; “High As Hope”. Self-produced by the band themselves, let’s see how the machine is operating these days…

The album opens up with, (Or at least tries to) “June” and I say that because there’s at least a 14 second delay between the start of the track and you being able to actually hear anything, and I honestly don’t know what this aims to achieve, coming across as more of a production error rather than having any beneficial point within the song. When the song IS flowing however we get a piano led, restrained little track, gently accompanying Florence’s instantly recognisable husky, sometimes warbled vocals. It does have a slight, climactic flurry but it’s abrupt ending spoils that completely. Were the spare 14 seconds meant to be this side of the song, instead of being empty? Here it just sounds incomplete; a poor start.

Lead single “Hunger” then follows and admittedly this is much better; with a more up-beat rhythm its sounding far more positive, with encouraging lyrics and a gospel-inspired clap-along accompaniment, coupled with soulful backing gang-vocals, this is Florence as we know her and she’s so easily capable of writing songs that simply ooze with joyousness; this being one of them. This is reinforced by the track “Patricia” which again has all of the classic F+TM traits, wonderfully blending soulful pop with energetic indie…the string sections and bold chorus allowing for a dynamic listen and again it allows for an enjoyable song. Florence has always had subtle gothic tendencies mind you and here it’s showcased by the ultra-moody “Big God”…the almost haunted, deeper tempo with its sultry tones and slow-build gives the album extra character overall and is a definite highlight.

This albums primary flaw however, is in fact how stripped back it actually is…as despite only being ten tracks long, it feels a lot longer because of the level of restriction, with an almost shoegaze appraoch utilised. “Grace” whilst on paper is an appropriately titled graceful little piano ballad, it feels incredibly drawn out, and as assertive as Florence is vocally the track fails to hold attention, so too do the albums closing tracks suffer similarly, with “The End Of Love” and “No Choir” rounding things off in lacklustre fashion. Yes the point of this album was a more personal, raw recording and that does indeed resonate through Flo’s vocals throughout, her ability as a performer can’t be questioned, but taking this direction has denied us the proper banger's we all know the band are capable of…there’s no rush and excitement of “Howl”…there’s no drama and climax of “What The Water Gave Me” and there’s no feisty attitude of “Kiss With A Fist”…instead, while we have a well matured album, it’s pretty much just Florence…the machine seems to be on standby. [5]

​I’m going to share something with you right now…I love sloths. I happen to have a weakness for three-toed sloths as I find them absolutely adorable and If I could afford it I’d happily fund their conservation in Costa Rica etc…hell if it was legal in the UK I’d buy one myself and let him hang around my garden, I want a pet sloth somebody make that happen! However, while I aren’t lucky enough to get to cuddle one of these moss-covered fuzzy bastards I can in fact LISTEN to some sloths from the comfort of my own home; let me introduce you to THE SLOTHS. Formed in Los Angeles WAY back in 1964, these pioneering rockers may not have been around for long initially, but their calibre of rock ‘n’ roll has had people digging through the archives and old record collections, subsequently re-discovering The Sloths, embracing all of the nostalgia and classic charm. Very much like the animals their named after, it’s a case of better late than never I guess as slowly they’ve garnered credibility…let’s see if they can cling on over 50 years later with the vinyl re-release of “Back From The Grave”…

We open up with the track “Never Enough Girls” and immediately my mind goes in the direction of sloth ‘rape memes’ but I have to compose myself amidst images of dragons and pudding…a tinny-sounding little track, very much of its time; blues inspired rock ‘n’ roll with a slight proto-punk edge. With influences ranging from THE ROLLING STONES and CHUCK BERRY it’s very easy to see where they’re coming from, but also you can see where bands like THE RAMONES took inspiration from too. “End Of My Rope” follows up and again here we’re given more of that original blues heritage with some rich harmonica licks (Even going as far as a solo) and you can easily picture yourself sipping whiskey at a bar in Tennessee while this plays…so far so good. Speaking of solo’s we’re further treated on the tracks “Lust” which utilises an up-tempo, surfer-rock vibe allowing for a fun little piece, and also “Gotta Get Fired”, which by contrast is a slower, bass-driven, groove-heavy number which takes extra influence from the likes of THE DOORS.

The rest of the album, while subtle in its variety, does mostly retain a consistency and level of quality throughout which truth be told results in an all-around enjoyable listen…”Haunted” is thematically self-explanatory in its pained ballad approach; which somehow bridges a gap between the tenderness of ROY ORBISON and the spooky tones of THE MISFITS…”Before I Die” returns to the bands blues roots but here we’re given a slight, country / rockabilly twist, before the initial album rounds off with their most infamous track “Makin’ Love”, which during its initial release over 50 years ago was deemed too controversial for airplay on many US radio stations but is incredibly tame by today’s standards. If I’m to pick at anything really it’s the main single “One Way Out” which has a primarily spoken-word approach that reminds me of “Monster Mash” for the most part in its structure and delivery but it has a pretty weak chorus sadly. The European release does have a bonus track by the name of “I Survived” but it’s really nothing to rave about, actually the weakest sounding vocal quality on the album, sounding more like a demo than anything. Ultimately, for a band that only had an initial run of 2 years, it’s impressive to see their legacy not only living on but how much excitement a little nostalgia can provide! Granted this may be helped by the fact that original vinyl’s have gone for as much as $6000 online but that’s beside the point…whether they are back from the grave or, being the sloths they are they’ve literally just taken this long to get here, it doesn’t matter, rock ‘n’ roll never truly gets old. Roll on the year 2066 for the new album! [7]

As disappointing as it is, it’s not just day-to-day society that’s still behind in terms of equality between men and women in the work place…the world of rock and metal is still very much a male dominated genre of music and despite the best efforts of several high profile bands, it’s still dragging it’s knuckles to a degree…for example; Download festival (Arguably the most mainstream and high profile of the alternative rock and metal festivals) is yet to have a ‘female-fronted’ headline act on its main stage. Women in rock and metal just don’t seem to be getting a legitimate fair shot…but one young lady is hoping to change all of that; let me introduce you to DIAMANTE.

The Los Angeles-based singer found herself listening to the likes of AVRIL LAVIGNE and KELLY CLARKSON at a young age but through that soon discovered and developed a passion for classic rock, and artists such as JOAN JETT and PAT BETANAR. After dropping her debut single “Bite Your Kiss” back in 2014 she’s generated millions of streams on YouTube etc. and has recently dropped her debut full length album; “Coming In Hot”. Produced by Howard Benson (MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, MOTORHEAD) he’s proclaimed himself that the 21-year-old is the rightful heir to the throne of Joan Jett; while Diamante herself intends to make a statement…incredibly bold, let’s see if she can back it up.

The album opens up with the title track and lead single “Coming In Hot” and within seconds you can hear the influence that Joan Jett has had on the young artist…from the gritty, attitude-riddled vocal delivery and the simple, old-school style of the guitars, this will easily appeal to fans of all that is classic rock. Do you remember when BRITNEY SPEARS covered (And I use that term loosely) “I Love Rock ‘N’ Roll”? Well this is better, considerably better…follow up track “Sound Of Us” for the most part is more of the same though the pre-chorus has some additional melody, while the chorus itself has gone big, bordering on anthemic. The guitar solo here too is a pretty decent effort and ultimately we’ve got a straightforward yet enjoyable track here. Recent single “Had Enough” directly addresses the issue of women’s rights by supporting the #MeToo movement…with a video inspired by “Thelma & Louise” and a production staff consisting entirely of women, it’s more of a statement than a hit single as musically again it’s relatively straight forward, but the message is more important than the track itself here really.

Elsewhere the record does have further highlights including “Kind Of Love” which combines bold melodies and soaring gang vocals over some catchy pop-rock hooks for a solid, enjoyable track…”War Cry” takes things up a notch with a deeper, darker core sound, almost rooted in industrial given the lyricism and instrumentation; the riffs are heavier and the overall tone of the track is a little more sinister, while “Fight Like A Girl” is predominantly more groove-heavy with another strong chorus. The album isn’t without it’s lesser points however; “Definitely Not In Love” is a completely cringe-worthy track driven by spoken-word verses, I’m definitely not in love with THIS one, while “Black Heart” harks back to those early Kelly Clarkson influences, negating the whole classic rock vibe of the album, before closing track “Lo Siento” is just a Spanish version of earlier track “I’m Sorry” and serves little to no point, adding nothing to the album in terms of quality…it would have served better as a B-Side. Ultimately the album as a whole is a decent selection of rock ‘n’ roll track’s and despite her young age she’s done well, channeling the genre’s heritage through to a new generation of listeners, bridging the gap between pop and rock well, but there’s nothing truly iconic or memorable about the record. Diamante here coming in lukewarm if anything, but there’s no reason to suggest she can’t turn up the temperature next time around. [6]

The beautiful island of Trinidad; the southernmost island of the Caribbean just a few miles off the coast of Venezuela…a colourful and vibrant place with a rich, diverse culture of exotic carnivals, and also the inspiration behind classic stories such as “Treasure Island”, to many it really is a tropical paradise, however, the steel-drums aren’t the only source of ‘metal’ you’ll hear whilst you sip your cocktails in Las Cuevas Bay, for even the Trinidadian’s know how to rock out; let me introduce you to HAIL THE HATTER. Having formed in 2015, the metal outfit started off when vocalist Jonathan Boos and guitarist Dax Carter decided that the world of rock music was lacking a sense of fun, and thus HTH (Now completed by drummer Nickolai Assam and bassist Aaron Lowchewtung) was born. Having recently released their debut mini-album “Discovering Light”, let’s see just how mad these hatters really are…

We open up with a little intro entitled “The Coming Of The Hatter” and frankly I hope he brought tissues…I kid…incredibly foreboding; it’s a spoken word piece foretelling the hatters arrival as an omen among the thunder and rain, bringing with him the imminent doom for the people of the island, before we get chants of “Hail The Hatter!”, likening him to the devil himself. It sets up an interesting concept and we’re a far cry from Wonderland here let me tell you. First track proper then is “Bone Grin” and aside from the incredibly random Arnold Schwarzenegger opening, we have a brief build towards some slick, blues-inspired hard rock. Initially up-tempo it channels influences such as GUNS ‘N’ ROSES which you can pick up in the tone of Boos’ vocals and definitely the solo towards the end; it’s a decent start…aside from more Schwarzenegger rounding it off…you’re NOT AUSTRIAN DEATH MACHINE…stop it.

Next up we have “God Bless The Beast” and we’re pretty quickly head-banging to some classic riffs and solid percussion; it’s quite nostalgic in sound for the most part, acting like a throwback to vintage NWOBHM acts such as SAXON and JUDAS PRIEST given it’s tone and even lyrically, you can hear them praise the likes of BLACK SABBATH, they’re definitely tipping their hat to their influences here. “White Walls” initially slows things down dramatically, reduced down to no more than a sluggish drawl with tired riffs mixed with brief guitar licks and gang vocals; so incredibly lethargic, that is until a brief up-tempo fill click-baits you into thinking the song is waking up, but alas it’s short lived. “Akasha”, given its name has a sense and feeling of both vacuity and freedom, with Carter’s guitars flowing through your conscious like they would through space and time itself, before we end proceedings then on the title track, and the longest track on offer here. After a long winding string-section leading into the track, we’re met with more vintage metal at nearly three minutes in, backed with some emotive, soaring vocals from Boos. It’s a dramatic number, especially with the delicate tones of the piano wrapping things up, ending the record on a high.

It’s an interesting listen all in all really and musically they’ve delivered, there’s ample to be enjoyed here for fans of hard rock, classic metal and maybe even a little prog too if you will.  The band wanted to incorporate a little ‘fun and menace’ into their sound and style but sadly they’ve not really delivered on the fun bit to be honest; given their name and such a statement, I was expecting something more off-kilter and essentially bonkers but sadly didn’t so much as smirk once, and coming from the West Indies, well…it’s just not cricket. [6]

As you all know by now, every year I do a round up in some way shape or form, of the annual EUROVISION SONG CONTEST. Highly regarded in the UK as an absolutely cringe-worthy cheese-fest, it's no surprise we haven't won it for years, and that's without getting into the shows regular politics let alone the utter shambolic level of fuckery we've found ourselves in under the "leadership" of Theresa May and the current Conservative government...well actually no I'll blame Cameron too, the pig-poking prick! Regardless...we enter every year and hope to not come last essentially. The 2018 final will be held on Saturday 12th May and will take place in Lisbon, Portugal, after SALVADOR SOBRAL won the Ukraine 2017 competition...here I'll be taking a quick run down of all 26 qualified acts and giving my own personal individual score / opinion ahead of the live final...in order of live performance; let's begin...

1] UKRAINE: MELOVIN - "Under The Ladder". Aged just 21, opening the Eurovision Song Contest would seem like a daunting task for many, but Melovin (Real name Kostyantyn Mykolayovych Bocharov) is perfectly at home here, as winner of season 6 of Ukraine's version of The X-Factor. The track is an up-beat, rhythmic dance-pop piece which should in all honesty kick things off really well in terms of tempo and entertainment, but on record it isn't the most convincing vocal display in places and I just hope things don't fall flat for him on the night. 3/5

2] SPAIN: AMAIA Y ALFRED - "Tu Cancion". This is a track taken from Amaia Romero's album "Sus Canciones" and is a collaboration with one Alfred Garcia...sung in Spanish, it's one of the songs this year traditionally sung in the native language as used to be part of the rules before they relaxed things, and for all intents and purposes it's a soft piano ballad with elegant string sections...a lovely song in some aspects but luckily one of the boring ones is now out of the way early. 1/5

3] SLOVENIA: LEA SIRK - "Hvala, Ne!"...NE! NE! NE! We are the knight's who say...NE! *Ahem* All jokes aside, Slovenia's answer to MO / KESHA does a decent job of bringing a modern twist to proceedings. Utilizing a blend of hip-hop production and combining electronica with soulful pop, it's got a decent beat to it overall but it never truly takes off, with the chorus sadly coming across as anti-climatic compared to the level of expectancy of the track. 2/5

4] LITHUANIA: IEVA ZASIMAUSKAITE - "When We're Old". Ironically titled by the 24 year old, and despite her youth this isn't her first Euro rodeo! Having enrolled to compete in 2013, 2014, 2016 and 2017, she FINALLY get's her opportunity to represent her country in 2018. It's an honestly lovely song, focusing on Ieva's hushed, whispered vocals over a gentle piano lullaby...it's a slow one, and one that will rely on mood and emotions conveyed on the night, but it's a wonderfully tranquil track and should score well regardless. 2/5

5] AUSTRIA: CESAR SAMPSON - "Nobody But You". Always the bridesmaid, never the bride...having performed as part of backing vocals for two previous Austrian acts, Cesar finally get's his own shot. Arguably one of the first bandwagon jumpers this year, Cesar brings a fully emotive, gospel sound to Portugal with his blend of soulful pop music, hammered home by a strong melodic chorus...if you're a fan of RAG 'N' BONE MAN then expect to be giving Austria your vote this year... 3/5

6] ESTONIA: ELINA NECHAYEVA - "La Forza". The show isn't over until the fat lady sings...well as it happens Elina is far from fat and we're less than a quarter of our way through so buckle up! A classically trained Soprano, Elina brings a touch of class and vocal quality to proceedings this year, with her powerful vocal range and dramatic, operatic elements...if you're a fan of TARJA TURUNEN for example, you may want to send your vote Elina's way! 2/5

7] NORWAY: ALEXANDER RYBAK - "That's How You Write A Song". FEED. ME. MORE! Oh...sorry...wrong Ryback I was thinking about WWE for a second...but no in all seriousness, Alexander is technically a Eurovision veteran; he WON the competition back in 2009 with a track called "Fairytale"...can the young lad with the violin become a two-time winner this weekend? This funk-driven almost 70's inspired combination of tinny guitar and violin has plenty of energy, but will it be Norway or NO WAY!? You be the judge...2/5

8] PORTUGAL: CLAUDIA PASCOAL - "O Jardim". The hometown-hero as such, Claudia represents the hosts this year taking the torch from reigning champion SALVADOR SOBRAL and will be hoping Portugal can pull off an unexpected victory to retain the Eurovision Trophy for a 2nd consecutive year. Another acoustic/piano ballad, it's got quite a slow build and is honestly quite soppy, potentially risking too many similarities to last years winning song itself...they say lightning doesn't strike twice, I guess Saturday we'll find out. 1/5

9] UNITED KINGDOM: SuRie - "Storm". Oh boy...if you could find me a more fitting song for the UK for this competition I will do sexual things for you no questions asked...not only is the song already two years old and theoretically out-dated, lyrically and thematically it pretty much sums up the state of affairs regarding Britain and the EU and the whole Brexit debacle...metaphorically of course. Musically it is a decent pop track and has it's anthemic qualities but despite any positives I can't see us doing well at all this year...3/5

10] SERBIA: SANJA ILIC & BALKANIKA - "Nova Deca". There's always an entry with utilizes traditional middle-eastern tones and this track is that entry...and seriously what a long-ass intro, taking up nearly a third of the song! It's got a generally simple beat and does pick up, leading into an ultimately pleasant, up-tempo track with subtle dance tones, but it could have benefited  having more of this, less of the intro, as it's shot itself in the camel-toe essentially. 1/5

11] GERMANY: MICHAEL SCHULTE - "You Let Me Walk Alone". Another young talent with a background in reality TV; 28 year old Michael found mild success on Germany's version of The Voice in 2012, where he came third overall, before going on to release his debut album. This year we find him contributing yet another piano ballad to this years Eurovision playlist, and as you may have guessed it's another harmonious love-song with an impassioned climatic feel...again, nice but, it may get lost in the shuffle. 2/5

12] ALBANIA: EUGENT BUSHPEPA - "Mall"...I take one look at this guys name and I swear to god all I can think of is a bush-tucker trial...but my mental issues aside, here we have the first of our demographic-pleasing alternative entries. Eugent is a renowned rock performer in his home country and has actually supported the likes of DEEP PURPLE in mainland Europe, so he's got his credentials...but what is he offering here? A mellow, country-esque traditional folk-pop type piece with an acoustic lead and impressive vocals. It sounds good, I just wish I knew what he was saying. 2/5

13] FRANCE: MADAME MONSIEUR - "Mercy". France hardly needs the bad luck of performing 13th...their results have hardly been the most impressive in recent years, but they hope to change that in 2018. The ambient, synth-pop track follows on from recent success stories such as CHRISTINA & THE QUEENS and may go down well, and though there are no direct ties to the LGBT community, the whole MRS/MR approach could appeal to gender neutral's from an activist point of view...unless that's me looking far too deeply into what is essentially an annual song contest...2/5

14] CZECH REPUBLIC: MIKOLAS JOSEF - "Lie To Me". A potential favourite here depending on the right crowd...full of swagger and groove, Mikolas utilizes the southern blues inspired jazz tones of New Orleans to great effect here, rich in funk and passion, he confidently takes this track by the scruff and simply awaits the laudits of the Lisbon crowd. The recorded version does have some swearing in it, so that'll have to be edited during the final or he may find himself getting nil poi via disqualification... 3/5

15] DENMARK: RASMUSSEN - "Higher Ground". A man of many talents; Rasmussen (Real name Jonas) originally performed in a covers band, focusing on the likes of ELTON JOHN and ABBA, before he turned his attention to acting, focusing mainly on stage productions. 2018 see's him return to singing with this entry; a combination of power-pop and traditional, Nordic heritage in subtle tones. Despite the classic key-change sequence, it does lack a little oomph and falls just short of being an awesome entry. 3/5

16] AUSTRALIA: JESSICA MAUBOY - "We Got Love"...Hang on just a second let me just get Moe Sargi...'YO JESSICA MA BOI!" There we go...that's out of the way now...but no seriously Australia in Eurovision is still a thing. Yes it was novel having them there for the big anniversary show a couple of years ago but, despite not being anywhere remotely near Europe, here they are...the song itself is a generic, light, radio-pop song which wouldn't be out of place in some, teen Disney flick...it's fine but, I really don't see the point this year. 2/5

17] FINLAND: SAARA AALTO - "Monsters"...Finland you beautiful bastard of a country...as if you didn't already supply the world with some of the finest gothic metal and rock bands to ever grace the stage, you also have pop music nailed too by the looks! Saara Aalto ticks all the boxes having dueted with ADAM LAMBERT and ANDREA BOCELLI, not to mention having done voice acting for the Finnish dub of "Frozen", she's a proven voice. Here we have a sleek, electronic-pop monster in it's own right rich in hooks and mainstream appeal and it's an absolute top tune. All of the yes from me. 5/5

18] BULGARIA: EQUINOX - "Bones". Bulgaria's entry features yet another reality TV statistic in vocalist Zhana, who won Bulgaria's X-Factor in 2013...now, 5 years later we find them representing their country in Portugal with "Bones"...the haunting vocal tones and the predominantly dark-pop vibes of the song are pleasant enough, helped by its catchy chorus, but it sounds like a watered down version of "Skeletons" by 2017 Azerbaijan entry DIHAJ to me. 2/5

19] MOLDOVA: DoReDoS - "My Lucky Day". Three is the magic number as they say, and for this trio, it's third time lucky as they finally get to represent their country after failing to secure their place in both 2015 and 2016. Doritos as I shall call them from here on in, have a fun and up-beat approach this year combining modern pop with a GOGOL BORDELLO style of Oompa / alternative. 2/5

20] SWEDEN: BENJAMIN INGROSSO - "Dance You Off". One of the youngest performers at this years final in Lisbon, Benjamin started early and appeared in several Swedish musicals as a child and is hoping his performance experience can carry him through to another Swedish victory. With his soft vocals it can be said he's another JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE inspired pop-starlet but truth be told he's not of the same caliber previous Swedish winner MANS ZELMERLOW, he lacks that spark. A harmless pop song but I'm not expecting big things. 1/5

21] HUNGARY: AWS - "Vinszlat Nyar". Ever since LORDI won it for Finland back in 2006 there's almost always a rock song or two thrown into the mix to shake things up a bit and here we have that very token rock song. AWS deliver on all fronts with a strong melody and even stronger riffs for their hard rock performance, even including that cliched key-change and it has to be said it's a solid track...it wont win but it is a banger. 4/5

22] ISRAEL: NETTA - "Toy". While it's one thing to question Australia's inclusion in what is essentially a European competition, it can be said that you have to question Israel too...although politically and economically they are at least tied to the EU so there's that....anyway I digress this is a song contest not BBC Question Time. Netta Barzilai is an outsiders bet if ever there was one! A fun and up-tempo track for the most part, combining western pop influences with middle eastern traditions...it's a decent listen, that is until the random chicken noises...seriously I don't know if it's a gimmick or an affliction. 3/5

23] THE NETHERLANDS: WAYLON - "Outlaw In Em'". Real name Willem Bijkirk, he acquired his stage name after the late Waylon Jennings as means of a tribute and is no stranger to Eurovision. As part of THE COMMON LINNETS he finished runner-up back in 2014 and hopes to go one step further 4 years later. Mixing bluegrass with southern rock swagger, fans of BLACK STONE CHERRY and the like are sure to give him the nod of approval and send a vote his way. 4/5

24] IRELAND: Ryan O'Shaughnessy - "Together". Despite a lack of luck in recent years, Ireland are still the ones to beat as they've won Eurovision a record seven times since its inception, and they hope to add another victory in Portugal this year.Another TV talent show statistic, Ryan O'Whatshisface appeared in Britain's Got Talent back in 2012, reaching the final only to finish in 5th place...will he do better here? Another sweet, acoustic/piano ballad, it doesn't truly stand out as such but he's got enough Irish charm to win the voting public over...perhaps. 2/5

25] CYPRUS: ELENI FOUREIRA - "Fuego". Apparently Eleni here is the bookies favourite and I've been scratching my head to work out how and why...with her typically modern autotune-laden pop qualities I guess she'd make quick and easy money in the charts commercially, given the success of everyone from DEMI LOVATO to DUA LIPA and the like...it's decent enough pop song for what it's worth and catchy enough but, it's nothing special per se...we'll see. 3/5

26] ITALY: ERMAL META E FABRIZIO MORO - "Non Me Avete Fatto Niente"...It takes longer to say that than they'll stay in the top 10 this year if you ask me...it's emotive enough with its almost cinematic qualities in places but songs spoken in native tongue are hit and miss and never a guarantee...it might benefit from being on last in some eyes, but to many it'll be an afterthought as the audience suffers from fatigue and burnout, and it's hardly a climatic showstopper...I can't see this doing overly well. 2/5

So...there we have it...my run down of the 2018 Eurovision final! Have you heard any of the songs yet? Are you happy with your countries entry and more important;y, who will you be voting for? Leave your comments below, but for now...it's over to Graham Norton to entertain us with his commentary.

​Ah Kentucky, I may not be an American patriot but let me just say I damn well salute you, for you not only inebriate the world with your glorious bourbon whiskeys, but you also gave to us nomgasm’s by the literal bucket-load courtesy of your heavenly fried chicken…it’s finger lickin’ good y’all! Putting tonight’s dinner plans aside for a moment, Kentucky also has a rich musical heritage. Famously coined as the bluegrass state, it not only refers to its rich pastures, but also its blue-collar musical roots, notably blue’s based southern rock, gospel and jazz, and one of its biggest exports in recent times has been BLACK STONE CHERRY. Having formed in 2001, they’ve steadily grown into one of the most popular rock acts of a generation, regularly playing arena tours to thousands around the world thanks to tours supporting legends such as LYNYRD SKYNYRD and DEF LEPPARD, plus recently ALTER BRIDGE too…2018 sees them hope to continue their run with album number six; “Family Tree”…let’s do a little digging shall we?

The album kicks off with “Bad Habit” and we’re thrust straight into Cherry’s traditional groovy southern-rock style, there are some decent licks and a strong bass-line pushing the track, but honestly the chorus feels a little weak, and the key-change leading into the guitar solo ends up sounding just a little dull and half-arsed, resulting in a less than exciting start. First single “Burnin’” follows up and again it’s heavy on the groove and it balances being gritty while having ample melodic elements quite well, helped greatly by a much better display from vocalist Chris Robertson, this is considerably better it has to be said.

“Carry Me On Down The Road” is more or less more of the same, the instrumentation is pretty solid with some enjoyable guitar work throughout but it seems to just coast along leaving you a little uninspired…likewise with “Dancin’ In The Rain”. Featuring renowned session musician Warren Haynes, it’s pretty slick with its rich blues rock tones, especially during the chorus’ main hook and although it supplies the album’s first real highlight it still lacks a certain drive. Speaking of guest appearances, “You Got The Blues” features Chris’ 5-year-old son on backing vocals which I guess is fitting for the album’s title but, other than being quaint it’s another run of the mill offering. “I Need A Woman” continues to plod along with as much urgency as a brand new barrel of bourbon, honestly it’s in no rush, never mind a woman, pro-plus and a line of coke’ he needs, show a bit of energy! The album then closes on the title track and we’re given another strong chorus to end on a slightly more positive, encouraging note, but we’re not here to paper over any cracks sadly. The band went into the studio this time round with minimal rehearsal to capture a raw, honest vibe and in doing so this collection of songs on record at least is lacking a certain sheen. If “Family Tree” had been album number one you could say for sure that seeds have been planted and it’s just a matter of time before these blues rockers blossom, but six albums in, this hasn’t worked all too well. Bar one or two moments it’s a disappointingly boring listen. [4]